EP 14: 'We Need Our Men To Get Support' with Jordan Candlish

Okay, this one's for the girls who have a man in their life they deeply care about - and lowkey want to slide this episode into his DMs.

This week I'm sitting down with Jordan, a men's and relationship coach - absolute legend, which you'll see very soon. We talk about men's work, emotional suppression, what actually happens when men don't have an outlet for their emotions, and why the women in their lives often end up carrying more than they should.

Jordan shares his own origin story - from a 17-year-old driving through the night sobbing over his first heartbreak, to discovering meditation, yoga, and eventually building a life and a coaching business from the inside out. It's raw, it's real, and honestly? It's the kind of conversation more men need to be having.

We also get into: the limbo phase of personal evolution and why it feels so isolating, the hero's journey (and how it just keeps repeating), money mindset, the shadow, plant medicine, Gene Keys, astrology, full moon energy, and how to actually invite your partner into growth without pushing them further away.

That last bit is gold, by the way.

If you've ever wondered how to support the man in your life without becoming his therapist, mother, or life coach - this episode is going to land for you. Jordan's perspective on masculine emotional health is something I think we all need more of right now.

You can find Jordan via his IG page here: https://www.instagram.com/jordancandlish01?igsh=cWgxeWx5OGI1anA4

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Elvolve podcast where we have interesting and insightful conversations. I have an incredible guest here today. I've got Jordan here with me. Jordan is an amazing men's and relationship coach. And I'm super, super excited for this chat because I know there are a lot of ladies that listen to these episodes that have men in their lives that they really, really care about that they no need to do some work and don't really know where to go or what to do and what's available. So we're going to be talking all things, men's work, relationships, and getting to know Jordan as well. So let's go. Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Thanks for having me on, Ellie. It's great to connect with another Aussi here in Costa Rica. You're the only Aussi I've bumped into since I've been out here.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yeah, there aren't that many Aussies here. Anytime like I hear an Australian accent here, I'm like, oh my God. I bumped into Jordan and his girlfriend Amanda at Somos and I'm like just sitting there. I think it was like my it was Deadset my second day back.

SPEAKER_04 1:00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

And I just had like this butterfly like land on my finger. I'm like, wow, life is amazing. It's so good to be back here. And then I look over there and I'm like, don't have my glasses on. So I'm kind of squinting. I'm like, I recognize these people. I recognize them. And then I'm like, hang on, this is that couple that I follow on social media. And they do these epic content pieces. And it's just like scenario-based, right? Like little skits.

SPEAKER_04 1:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah. And it's super cool how informational they are and how much value they provide. So I love, I love your content. I love what you guys do. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Yeah. It's again a great reminder of the beauty of social media because we wouldn't be sitting here right now if it or maybe we would have. I don't know. We would have crossed parts somehow. But it it's a great way to just connect with people. And that's what the content has allowed. Obviously, creating some insight in people's lives, but to be able to connect with amazing people like you who just like noticed us is awesome. I love it. Yeah. So cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

So what I'm interested in learning about first up is a little bit about you and and your journey. I'm curious about, I guess, your background and when things changed for you. Like when you kind of became conscious and what that was like for you.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting. I recently started to, you know, like I've had I'm going to be doing a webinar soon. And one of the coaches and business mentors I hired is is helping me extract out that core story. Because like when I thought about it, I've never fully gone there and short shared the origin of like how I started this journey. So I'm fucking, I'll give it a go right now. Yeah, I share it with you. But thank you. Because what I realized for me was my first relationship was the entry point into this world. How old were you? Uh I was 17. Like I met her in high school. And I know for a lot of men, like your first heartbreak is the thing that like cracks you in a way that not many other things can, you know? And so I I was dating this, this, this girl in high school, and then we we we got really close and really intense. And then, you know, after high school, it was like university, and I'm trying to like I know I knew this relationship wasn't good for me. There was a lot of like drama and attachment and all these things, and it was just I remember feeling so many emotions at a young age that I didn't know how to deal with. And I remember one time that I found out she was like started seeing other people and just absolutely broke my heart. I was like gutted. And I remember like driving in the car the middle of the night, just like speeding down to somewhere. I don't know where the fuck I was driving to, but I was just like gutted, and I drove down to the water and like I was crying. I was obviously so embarrassed that I was feeling all this, these emotions. And I remember calling out one of my friends, going, Man, I I need to I need to get over this, like I need to move on from this girl. This is I'm like, I'm done feeling all this. I remember like praying out to God, like, God, I need your help, like getting on with this, this, this, this can't go on. And I think in those moments, like for me, where I was like really desperate for for guidance, I was desperate for something. Um, I remember not too long after like going on to YouTube at the time. This I would have been, you know, 18, so this would have been fuck a long time ago, for 15 years ago. Um, YouTubing, like how to get over a girl. And I remember um, did you ever seen Elliot Hulse? You ever seen his videos come up? No. The guys who are listening will know who I'm talking about. Elliot Hulse was like one of the first big creators on YouTube who was making content about speaking to men. He was the first one that I stumbled across when it came to men's work. Started watching some of Elliot Hulse's videos, and then I went down the rabbit hole of I found like Russell Brand that he was talking about meditation and yoga and Russell Brand? Yeah, at the time. I was like I don't know how I found I don't know how I found him, but he was in this like spiritual journey. Yeah, and I just like was pulled into like his journey. I was like, let's go. I need to I need to give this yoga thing a crack. And I was playing semi-pro soccer at the time and you know, was studying to be an accountant, and I didn't really have a lot of direction in my life to be honest. I didn't even know what the fuck I was doing, but started doing meditation yoga to try and get over this this girl and these emotions, and then it just went from there. It was like a a huge moment when I started traveling as well. My first trip with the boys where I went to Europe, I was like, wow, this is life outside of Australia. This is this is next level. I need to do more of this. This is amazing. Uh, and then literally a couple of months after that trip, I just had this calling to want to go on exchange, like doing an exchange program to travel to Canada. I actually got accepted for a university in Canada. And it was the first time in my life where I was like starting to feel like myself. I was starting to feel confident in who I was, I was starting to feel more secure inside of myself. The break, the remnants from the breakup were starting to disappear. And I was like, yeah, I feel good. Life is feeling really great right now. Went on this exchange program with two of my best mates to this town, this university town in St. Catharines, Ontario. And the first night out of that town, I I meet this girl who is like tan skin, she's from parents are from Portugal, but she's studying at this town. I'm like, wow, she's this chick's fine hot. Like, I need to go. I need to go to it. Yeah, yeah. Bumped into Amanda the first night out, and I'm like, oh, probably never see her again. Dude, that's great. And then fast forward 10 years later, I'm still with her.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Oh my god, that's amazing. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. So, do you know what's crazy? Like, I just want to bring it back to a point that you said, like how 17-year-old Jordan was like feeling so many heavy emotions and how much shame you felt to be feeling those things. We talk about that. That's crazy. That's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Yeah. Well, it is because in Australia, especially, I know it's like this in other parts of the world as well, but something about Australia, the the level of darkness or heaviness around men opening up about their emotional experience is what causes a lot of guys to go into a dark place. A lot of the times it's relationship stuff. Like you either have a spiritual awakening like what I did, or you self-destruct and you go into some pretty dark places with drugs and alcohol and all that. Um, thankfully for me at the time, like I was never, I was kind of like done with the whole partying thing. That's great. You know, I was obviously I had my time and did my did my fun and all that, but I was like, something in me was like, I need to, I need to go into this. And I'm really grateful. I just had good people around me that like as the journey progressed, I had different mentors that that came into my life, and one of my best friends' mums was passing these books, these Wayne Dyer books onto me. I was just like reading all these Wayne Dyer books, and Eckhart Tole and these spiritual books came in, and as as I went down that path, I was like, ah, okay. I was starting to realize that there's something, there's more to me than just my emotions and my thoughts about them. But it was a lonely place because there was no one I was really talking to about it. It was my own internal process that I kind of like separated myself from a lot of my friends, which I think is necessary for a lot of people at that particular time. Uh, and then I when I traveled, it was like a brand new journey. It started because it was a new me that was meeting new people, and all of a sudden I found my community, I found my people who are on this wavelength, but for a period it is it can be a little lonely.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

You feel like there is that, there is a little bit of a limbo phase that people find themselves in, like on the precipice of personal evolution and transformation.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

And it's often very isolating and lonely, right? It's like, holy fuck balls, like everything that I thought I was, everything that I did, everything that I thought that I knew is kind of shaping up to not be true.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Or my truths.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

100%.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

And it's like, what else is there? Like, what else is beyond this? And it's almost like this scary, uncertain phase that it's like, what do I do? You know?

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yeah. And if you don't have like a bit of guidance during that phase, yeah, you kind of just you feel like a, you know, a square peg in a round hole, and you're like, Whoa, I don't know if I resonate with these people, I don't know if I agree with my my job, I don't really align with my job anymore. But usually around that time, that's where some sort of mentor or guide or teacher will will come to life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

And that's yeah, the teacher appears with the student's ready, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:53

That's what it is like the hero's journey. It's it's if you trace it back, we've all had our own hero's journey in different times. We've had to face different obstacles, and guides or mentors will come in and show us the way. And it's just a cycle that just keeps playing out.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah. And that's the thing about this experience that we're having as humans. Like it's not linear, and that we will go through different phases and we will repeat that hero's journey over and over again. You know, different I like to think of life kind of like a game, like a computer game. And there are I think I said this to you in Somos, did I? So I was doing a bit. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I did, yeah. But it's like you go up onto the next level, and then it's like you've just completed this level that you've been fucking around on for ages and you feel so accomplished, like, yes, I've just broken through all that shit. I'm fine, I've finally done it. And you get up onto this new level, and you know, this new version of you with new values and you know, you're figuring out what that looks like. It's like, okay, this new version of me that has a high self-worth, how does she live her life? What's her morning look like? What's her evening look like? Yeah, how does she communicate? How does she deal with conflict? All of those kinds of things. And then that comes with challenges too.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Yeah, it's like another hero's journey you have to go through.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

And your mentor maybe will appear and you know, new Dark Knight of the Soul cars. It's just when you realize that that's the game or that's the cycle that we're in, you can kind of be a little bit more graceful with yourself and be like, cool, like what what stage of that cycle am I in right now? And yeah, it's always temporary. There's there's always a a shift or a new chapter, or the the breakdown becomes the breakthrough, and once you've been aware for long enough, you you know all these things and you might be in it right now, going like fuck, I don't know when this is gonna end, but I'm in it, I'm freaking up. But it always does.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

I feel like I'm in it right now, eh? Holy shit, so funny. How many dark nights of the soul do you think you've had?

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Uh I feel like there's like at least one a year.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

At a minimum, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 10:45

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

But it but again, we need that.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Like everyone thinks, oh, like the expansion comes when I'm in the light or I'm in the and everything's going great. Well, no, no, no, the expansion happens in the contraction. Like again, you have to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough. So when you're in the dark place, get excited. Be like, fuck yeah, this is it. Something big's brewing it.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Fuck yeah. Something's big's coming for me, Johnny.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

What's the what are you what's the dark place that you're in?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Oh god. I did some plant medicine in September last year here in Costa Rica.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

And um, I had some really hectic visions that um I guess I've part of me was like, fuck are these memories? Did this happen to me? Um, and it's like some stuff has unfold. I can't go in, I would tell I will tell you, but I can't really kind of go into this in the podcast because it's still very alive, like and in my family. Um, and then some stuff's been happening, like with my parents, and it's it's like my conscious mind and my ego is hyper-fixating on these visions that I had, being like, Did this happen? Did this happen to me? And I fucking blocked it out.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Yeah, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Um when I'd had other visions in the fucking plant medicine ceremony, like my this is gross, guys, just strap yourself in. Like my fucking pop getting fucked by a pig. Like the medicine shows you some hectic shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

And for whatever reason, it is there's something, something in that.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yeah. Well, that was the shadow. That was me witnessing all of the shadow. Like I had this journey where it was like showing me all of these d dark, disturbing things and being like, Can you look at this? Can you see this? And can you love it? Can you give it compassion? Can you give it forgiveness? And when I did, it would go away. Right. So it's like how to transmute fear and the shadow parts of ourselves is to look at it and love it and forgive it and give compassion. Because it's kind of like I like to think of it like this, like so many people, so many, so even ourselves, right? Like we reje we reject parts of ourselves into the shadow.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah. And it's almost like I like to envision it almost like this staircase, and there's a little door, and underneath the staircase it's dark, and all of the dark, disturbing things exist in there. Everything that was abandoned, everything that was rejected, anything that's shrouded in shame, um, the things that you couldn't possibly tell anybody because then that means that you would be you wouldn't be accepted or loved. Like yeah, the things that are wrong with you and they exist in there, right? And we have little parts of ourselves and teenage parts of ourselves and adult parts of ourselves that we, you know, lock away underneath the staircase and we reject them.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

And I spent fucking hours underneath the staircase in that medicine journey. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? I've like locked little me in there. You know, I was like, nah, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not doing that. Anything that I feel shameful about, I'm gonna look at it, I'm gonna shed light on it, and I'm gonna take that version of me out of the staircase, and we're gonna sit on a grassy hill out under the sun, and it's gonna be beautiful.

unknown 13:54

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Courageous work. Yeah, it's fucking courageous work. That's the real stuff though.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yeah, that's what that's what at the core of most dysfunction and you know, toxic stuff in our life is is the unwillingness to look in the shadow and to see what's causing it. And uh, yeah, the fact that you're doing that is is awesome. Yeah, like that's that's it.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Thank you. And so the most recent stuff that I'm sitting with is like it feels like that again, but I don't know what's real and what's not real. So like my reality kind of feels like it's breaking in a way. It's really strange.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Um and I think I mean it's crazy what the medicine has done for me in various um journeys as well. It expands me and increases my yeah, yeah, increases my capacity to hold more and also to hold more for the people that I work with. So I on in January last year, um, this is when I received like the message from my high self. I wasn't even on any medicine yet. I was sitting in the intro class and um I just started having these messages come through and I was like, whoa, I'm like, oh my God, this is a download of not this people talk about when they say downloads. What the fuck? I'm like, this is absolutely a download. I was getting all this stuff come here. I was like, this is wild. And then one of them was like, you're gonna be living here. And I was like, no, I'm fucking not. I'm like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not, no, I'm not. I never thought I could live overseas. I in fact, I would always say, like, I can't live overseas. I'm not that kind of person, you know. Like you lived in other places?

SPEAKER_03 15:29

No, oh really? Yeah, no, I haven't. Holy shit. Right. For some reason thought you in Finland living all over the place. I know it looks good on me. It does. It does. I've settled in one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, wow, yeah, keep going. And this is epic.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Yeah. And so it was like in that moment that I was like, fuck. Because I've I mean, I've I've had little nudges from a similar place before that I've always followed. Except this felt like very direct. It felt a little bit more like this is what's happening. And I was like, shit. I was like, shit. You know, I felt fear, guilt, um, uncertainty. I was like, I just fucking moved to the Goldie. I broke down all my 2025 goals for the Gold Coast. We're gonna put them in the bin. I'm gonna move to Costa Rica. What do you mean? And um, then when I was in the medicine like later the next day or whatever, the medicine was like, you are gonna be living here. And I was like, when? It's like make. And I was like, fine. And then I booked a flight and I ended up getting my flight for free because I had all these quantus points that I didn't know about. So everything just like lined up.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

This is 2024.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

So well, yeah, this is the last year. Um, and then as soon as I got here, I was like, it was just like full body exhale. It was like everything that my nervous system needed that I didn't know. Yeah. So I was scared about business. I was like, shit, is it is my business gonna survive? Like, how am I gonna navigate the time zone difference? Because it's wild, like the time zone difference from Australia to cost rate. It's worked out great. I can't take a call before 1 p.m. It's really good for me.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Yeah, it's exactly what you needed. So that's so good.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Exactly. So um, so yeah, that's that's kind of the story of of me getting here. But um yeah, this this yeah, this stuff that I'm experiencing now. Like I actually recently signed back up with my coach because I was like, help me. I need some guidance.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

It's just the times that you need that guidance, right? Where you know something's shifting or something's emerging or something's breaking away. And yeah, I realized that as well last year. You know, I started working with the coach I'm working with right now, and I was like, and I just I like having someone who can offer me that because I'm I'm offering that to people all the time. Yes, and I feel like I need that.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

And not just like every now and then, I feel like I just need it all the time. Yeah. Not that I need it, but I I want it.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

I want someone to hold me and help me navigate through some of the things because there's just so much stuff occurring and things shifting, especially you know, the when you you live life the way that we do. There's if you don't have that one someone to help you zoom out and maybe like put some pieces together or help you see something that maybe you can't see right now, yeah. There this distortions happen so easily. So yeah, my coach has been a game changer for me. He's been he was actually just out here for for a week or hanging out in person. That's just the best.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

I mean, they call blind spots for a reason, aren't they? You know? Yeah, yeah. And I think it's funny, like this phase that I've been in. Fun little space, it's been fucked. It's great, it's a weird fucked fun space. Yeah, yeah, it's weird because it's like everything around me is actually amazing, except there's just stuff happening internally that I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So it's a weird kind of reality to be existing in. And I know it's temporary, so I know it's I know it's all good, but Yeah, how does it feel? It just feels uh I feel unsettled. I feel kind of on edge. I feel like I'm in fight or flight.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Yeah. That's what it feels like, even though I I do a lot to regulate. I take really good care of myself.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Yeah, there's also something to this current time, especially in the last like three to four weeks. I don't know if you're into the astrology stuff much, but I have some good friends who are really deep in it, and you know, they kind of like throw me out, like, hey, just watch out, the the energy's gonna be super fucking intense. And this recent full moon was like, like rattled me hard. Like I and some people are more sensitive to it than others, and I just noticed that I'm one of those people when these big collective shifts happen or big rhythmic patterns change, like I can feel it. And I've learned to not take it too personally if I'm just wiped or I'm feeling super undergrounded or for whatever reason, like okay, sometimes there's things outside of my control that are moving things, and again, I can be graceful with myself without going like, what the fuck's happening? Why am I you know?

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Thank you for offering that. Yeah, that's really been super supportive. Because one thing that I don't I try not to like consume too much astrology stuff, blah blah blah blah blah because um I'm like I decide how I feel. Yeah, you know, and also like I am sensitive to energy as well. And I feel like the more conscious and aware you are, it's like you reach a new level of consciousness and more becomes available to you, even in terms of senses and sensitivities to things.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

So I feel like it does feel like I'm shifting to a higher level of something, and I'm like, I just fucking go back.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Big time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Like, I'd love to be ignorant again. Oh, that'd be fun. I'd love to just be like unconsciously like going out on the weekend and doing some trial. So it's not like nah, I'm joking.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

I'm joking. Yeah, I know, I know you are, but it's I I feel the same. It's like you can't go back once there's there's a level of sensitivity that you've got, it's now learning to ride the cosmic waves a little bit more eloquently. You know, you just get a you become a better surfer, you know, energetic big wave surfer. That's that's what it is, but that doesn't mean it gets any easier. Like it's not like some days where it's like, fuck, am I dying right now? Like, what's got after the full moon? I was lit like last week, I was just wiped for a full week and I was like, what is going on with me? So my body was fighting something, and I I but I know that I've been during full moon times, there's this huge amplification of energy, and then sometimes there's a big crash on the other side of it. I know I know that.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

And this place here where we are Santa Teresa, like everything's like times three. Yeah, we're on like a bed of quartz, like both light and dark quartz. So it's like, yeah, wherever you're putting your energy, it's already amplified. Okay, cool. This is making me feel a bit better. This combo, thanks.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Yeah, yeah, it's it's good. Just you know, keep keep track of you know certain things, like the new moons are always an interesting time because you you've got a new slate, it's like a blank slate of energy. Yeah, because like a new chapter in the book, and you don't have to read into it too much, but just like sense if the full moon comes around like, oh, I always feel like a freshness in the hour. Uh yeah, there's this we're in a new chapter of the journey right now. But when there's a full moon coming around, you just get to like buckle. Up a little bit, be like, okay, poof, it's about to ramp up a little bit here energetically. Again, whatever's present in your life, if there's undealt with stuff in the shadows, just know that's gonna get brought up in the full moon. That's what it does, it's illuminating the dark. But when there's nothing in the shadow and you're feeling good, it's just gonna like it's like happen. It's like fucking just being wired for three days. That's how I feel to me. Like, I'm just not tired, I'm constraining three two times a day, and like I've got endless energy right now. What's going on? But then I know what what goes up must come down. So it's just no, okay, for the few days I was a full moon, I might be more tired than normal. And that's I don't have to create a story or judge myself around that. That that's been a big part of my process.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

That's super cool for guys as well. Um, is the fact that men can like I like to kind of use life as a ceremony and you know, intentionally participate in life and the clues that I'm getting and work with different things, such as my cycle and like the the phases of the moon. And for men, that's what men can do. Like, because as women, we can tune into our cycles, you know. It's like when we're bleeding, it's like, all right, what am I letting go of? What am I saying as a full moon? Right. So for guys, you guys can tune into full moon, what am I letting go of? Anything that's stirring in me, any triggers, emotional stuff coming out, like tune into that, be aware of that, shine the light on that, and then what comes next is this new moon. New moon, new intentions. What are you gonna replace all of that shit with?

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Yeah, it's good. It's I think it's important. It's just like learning to live in rhythm. Life is rhythm. Yeah. Harmony. And when you can tune into your natural internal rhythms and notice how they they're also maybe interconnected to the external rhythms of nature and the universe and the cosmos, you can harmonize, you know, you can start to be like, oh, okay, like I get to ride the instead of fighting the current, you go with the current. And that's that's a again, I don't know if that's a skill or just yeah, everyone can learn it. It's just becoming a little bit more aware of where's the energy at right now? Where is it moving me? What what do I need to go? Am I being called called more in or more out? Like what what is this time requiring of me? Uh I think that's something that uniquely for me, because uh have you dug into gene keys? You know much about the gene keys?

SPEAKER_00 24:13

I've dabbled tiny little bit into it. I think I've done like a map or chart or something.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Yeah, it's amazing. Once you once you understand gene keys, astrology, human design, and you can leverage AI to start to understand, you know, how your unique soul signature operates, you get a lot more um just understanding of who you are on a soul level and what makes you you unique. And the gene keys is is really about that, right? 64 hexagrams, which are patterns that uh built around the I Ching, which is a child or system of how we read these rhythms of life. And every what the time you're born, there's a snapshot made of these different gene expressions of like a shadow that you're here to overcome in this lifetime, and and maybe a gift that will get unlocked in this lifetime through that shadow. And when you understand that, you start to know okay, this is these are maybe some of these core challenges that I'm gonna have to face in this in this life. And when you see them come up, you've got a little bit more foresight. That's what I found with me.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, so what are yours? What's your um well?

SPEAKER_02 25:18

There's different areas. So there's there's different areas around like your relationships, what you're here to learn in in the relationship area, like your pathway to wealth, your pathway to prosperity and and purpose and vitality. So there's these different segments of it, but um big one for me is like this gin key around freshness, is like my creativity is fully dependent, not fully dependent, but like is heavily influenced by how I feel fresh. If I that's why I probably love traveling so much. I'm like, I'm looking for fresh new environments to to pull out this creative spark in me. But the shadow of that is is numbness. So when something becomes really stagnant or dull in my life, I feel numb. I'm like not feeling a lot. And you know, again, this the numbness is a sign for me that cool, like this I need to just ride this out. This I need to get go through that to break through to the another phase of of freshness that's coming through in that next chapter, which again was what the new moons do. So understanding that has been is being a big one for me. And and the other one was um orientation was another one, which is a part of these rhythms, just learning to reorient myself to the next rhythm, the next cycle is something that I'm I'm really here to learn in my life. And then the shadow of that is like dislocation, right? The dislocation of being like completely disorientated. Like, what else what am I meant to do? Like, and I remember going through that when I sat Deloitte and my account, like no idea what my purpose was. So disorientated from my path. But my journey was to overcome that, to reorient to the path that I'm here to walk in this life. Totally, totally holy shit. Wow. And when you put that in, you can go on the Ginky's website in time of birth, location of birth, um, uh your your date of birth, and you put that into the chart and you'll get your own profile and then you can just feed that into the AI. Go help me interpret this, help me understand this. And when you read it, you'll be like, holy shit, this is yeah, it's really relevant and accurate. And it's it's a nice practice to start to sync up the data with your intuition and have that understanding, I feel.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

What kind of advice would you give to someone that's kind of on the prep precipice of change and maybe they're in that limbo phase where they're like, you know, feeling a bit disoriented or or numb or like existing in this state of uncertainty and like, oh, things are crumbling, but I'm trying to hold on. I don't like you know, struggling to surrender and go with it, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Yeah, things have to things have to break down. Like you gotta be okay with maybe the uncertainty of not knowing how it's gonna play out on the other side of it, but if you anchor into the belief that it always works out for the best, like this is exactly what you need to experience to to support you in stepping to this next level. And if you even if you don't fully believe that in the moment, if you can play with, all right, if I did believe that, it like what what if I play with the possibility of this is exactly what I need right now? And then you're gonna experience in the next three to six months something divinely beautiful being born out of this confused, disorientated place that you're at right now. When you see that divinely beautiful thing show up, or the clarity or the whatever the thing that shows up, let it strengthen your belief that everything always works out for the best for me. It always has, always will, I've always been provided for, I've always been enough. Like it always happened just as it should. I love that. So it's just like that strengthening that belief of faith and trust. It really is. Like it's I think now more than ever we've been pulled into our faith. Totally. Like having faith in something greater than ourselves is is is got it. It's under control, it's all under control. Even in it looks crazy and chaotic, it's fucked, but no.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Yeah. It's all it's almost like delusionally like holding on to that end.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

It would be a Tululu with it. Yeah. And just like it's all good. I'm protected, everything's crumbling, and yeah, it needs to break down a breakthrough. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

Yeah, but the again, that's why if the ones who are the most delusional, yeah, will be the ones that ride through this period of time with a level of unfuckwith ability that like because the delusion is okay, like, well, I only have five dollars in my bank here right now. Well, good thing I'm a millionaire, good thing I have fucking abundant, like good thing there's so much abundance here right now. Even though my external reality doesn't match what I know to be true internally, but I'm gonna delude myself to operating from the place that I have fucking millions.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Or I'm always chosen. Fucking, I've got millions of followers. People want to follow and people want to listen to me. Even though I'm no one's listening to me right now. I'm gonna stay in the reality that people do. Yeah, that's delusion. If you can operate from that place, it's only a matter of time between Yeah, it's collapsing timelines, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

That's collapsing timelines. Yeah, I love what you're saying there. Like, and that's like around the finances piece and the abundance piece. I love to attune to that. Like it's it's crazy that it's why do you think the default for people is fear?

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Because fear grabs your attention more. You know, it's like the news, right? It's like it, it's they they peddle fear because it's we're wired to look for fear more it's a nervous system thing as well. Like uh Mick Dillard's response, right? Yeah, it's a primal thing.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Yeah, I think survival. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Because even like it's funny when when I work with people on money mindset, it's like like, oh, you know, like coming from like a place of lack, and I'm like, every time you've tapped your card, has it gone through? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, you're always taken care of. Yeah, money always shows up for you, money is always there. Money is fucking always there for you. And they're like, oh, and they're like, Yeah, I'm like, you should flirt with money a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good. And I was I remember saying to one of my clients not too long ago about you know the flow of money and how he had all this resistance to paying bills, to paying like car bill or paying this and that. I'm like, man, you have resistance to giving. And if you have resistance to giving, you have resistance to receiving. So it's like, notice all the ways that you resist giving money. And if you're paying a bill, you're still giving. You're still like a part of the flow of money. So you're not gonna receive on a whole new level until you accept the fact that you get to give on a whole new level. And it's not like how do I give to charity? How do I find new ways of giving? It's no, you're always giving.

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

I'm like when I pay fucking $200 for my meal at Namor, which is ridiculous. Yeah, like give my ATV guy fucking $600 from APV for two weeks. Bro, it's how is this possible? Yeah. No, I'm giving him money.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Here you go, bro. You receive, receive. This is this is giving.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Yeah, it's a different energy, it feels different. You can feel the difference in your body, like when you like play into different scenarios like that. Like if you play um into it from like a place of resistance, like fuck you.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

It took me a couple of days.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

But I took that spot, yeah. I was like, you're charging me what? Fucking $20 a gallon of fuel. I can go to the petrol station and get it for fucking $2. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, but no, no, no. We're here in Costa Rica, and it's there's a premium for some of the things. It's like the psychology of it. I had to like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

It's also high season right now, and high season, everything's like triple the price. I know. You guys came at a good time. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it's kind of like play around with this, guys, honestly. Like the idea of paying a bill and doing it from a place of fucking other bill, or from a from a place of, oh my god, money just paid for my my phone bill. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Thanks, money. For phone bills because I've got millions of dollars in the bank. Fuck.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Yeah. I like to think of money kind of as like my sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Only time I'm ever gonna be a sugar baby is my energetic relationship with money. I'm like, yeah, money just paid for my groceries. Money just did this, money just did this, money loves me. Yeah, money's got me.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

That's good. Yeah, yeah. And bigger, and it is choosing to operate from the place of already having. Yeah. Already having. That's that's really what it is. It's like the the you that has the millions is he or she getting a little annoyed about this like five dollar thing because you got overcharged or like oh yeah, and that's the delusion that we're talking about. Like you've got to delude yourself into already being that person.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Yeah, and having a little bit of healthy delusion just in challenges when challenges come your way.

SPEAKER_04 33:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Um, while also honoring yourself and giving space to feel and process whatever needs to come up and through you. 100%. Rather than just being like, it's like there's a difference between being a bit delulu, yeah, after the wave of emotion has passed, then using the Dululu to like suppress your emotions and like avoid things.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Yeah, uh, and in direct as well, even the last couple of days to me, I've I've been recovering from this like lower energy phase I've been in and haven't really felt called to make a lot of content. And I'm kind of launching my men's group right now in the last couple of days, just didn't have the energy to put anything out there. And a lot of the conversations that I was having with these guys that wanting to join just turned into nothing. Because I felt myself like getting a little down, like, see, fucking no, I was joining my men's group. We're like, what the hell? Like, what's going on here? And and boom, in that state, I'm contradicting. I'm contradicting myself. I'm saying I'm the one that operates with abundance, but here I am getting caught in complaining about people not joining my men's group. So when the moment I saw that, I was like, no, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me come back. At the end of the day or throughout the day, everything like, oh, good thing heaps of guys joined my men's group today. Fuck yeah, awesome. Heaps of leads came through in today. That's amazing. Yeah. Heaps of guys want to join the program today, isn't that great? It I get to decide to come back to that reality. Yeah, it's like, no, no, like scrub the complaining out, to scrub the lack that I'm seeing out there. No, no, no. I get to create from in here, from a place of like it's already done, it's finished. Yes, got it.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

It's just it's because, but like you said, the mind wants to go back to like oh like what's missing? I'm not here, like I don't fucking have enough right now. Like, yeah, it's just the it's old conditioning. That's so much of the work is like seeing it, noticing it, and just like recorrecting it back to no, no, this is what's true.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

So, how do you support men through that? Like, what kind of work are you doing with men to support them to I guess dissolve these unconscious programs that are ruling their reality?

SPEAKER_02 34:48

First thing normally to dissolve the program is you have to work with the energy that's still attached to the old program. The energy is the emotion. And a lot of the times, I mean, you do this as well. It's like helping these guys get in contact with their emotionality in a way that they haven't yet. Because you can say, Yeah, I have enough, I have more than enough, I'm abundant, I'm I've got heaps of money, but if your body is like freaking out and stuck in fear and lacking not enough, then you know you're just gonna keep defaulting back to your core emotional state. So it's like, okay, Bruce, let's move through the emotion first. You're angry, are you sad? Like, what's what's the emotion? Let's like just stop for a moment and just look at it. What does it need? What needs to come through? Because so many people are so busy all the time, and me as well. I've been this, done this in the past. So busy, like, all right, make more content, I gotta do this in my business. Like, I'm not actually connected to what's the frequency behind all that. So I help the guys like work through the emotion first by just like getting them back into their body, move through that. What do we need to do to express to move through it? Then we look at the old program that's maybe attached to that, which is like, I I need to work hard. I need to work hard to make money. You know, and that's like so now when they're not working hard, they think they're not doing enough and then they're not gonna make money. They're not gonna make money. So it's like, well, what if what if money gets to be easy? What if you can do fucking nothing and make money? Like, what if you just sit on your couch and just money flows in? Like, let's play with that reality. Money flows into your life easily and effortlessly. What if that's a reality? What would it be like? What would it feel like to operate from that reality? Well, I'd be just chilling, I'd be more creative, I'd maybe like dance more, maybe like have more intimate time with my partner and maybe have some more sex, we just like go on more adventures, cool. Just feel that in your body. What would that what would that be like? So now throughout your day, I'm like helping them see this old pattern, old self, old reality, which is a way of feeling, thinking, and acting, how they used to operate that got them to where they are now. And then we have to identify, all right, well, what's the new self? What's the new identity your steps?

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Does that look like?

SPEAKER_02 36:37

What does that look like? Feel like? Yeah, how do you speak? How do you act? So that throughout the day, you're just constantly noticing what self am I in right now? Because the self is the reality.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

So it's teaching, you're also teaching men self-awareness and the power of observation.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

It's all there, curiosity. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

It's like you gotta stay awake, you gotta stay aware, because if you're not awake and aware, you're just gonna default back to the old familiar place, which is the the addiction to your own suffering or limitation.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

So you have to help them see outside of like, oh shit, like I'm like buying into my own fucking limited self right now. How much longer do you want to keep doing that for? Like, here's the here's the new self that we're mapping out, we're stepping into. It's like having a bit of a map of what it looks like is is key.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

It's kind of like playing the game too. You know how I was saying, like, life's a game. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

It's like you're the character.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Yes, exactly, right? It's like most people until they start to do this work, they're just fucking around with a blindfold on in the dark, flailing around, repeating the same patterns and the NPC, self-destruction, yeah, yeah. And just, you know, running by the program. Oh, I do this, then I do this, and then I do this. Yeah, that's it. That's just the way it is. Yeah. And it's, yeah, life's okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

Yeah. And then people go like, why do my relationships never work out? Or like, why does my money never stay? Like, yeah, well, you're creating it. It's like it's like whatever you see in your reality right now is is a reflection of what you created. So what part of you created it?

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

You know, I think it's such an empowering place when you get there because you like you realize it's all it's all on you.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

It's it's like a it's a it's waking up.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

It's waking the fuck up, it's taking the blindfold off, looking down at your feet and be like, oh, there's a controller down there. Might pick that thing up. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

Start playing the game. Totally.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

With intention.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Totally. Yeah, and you know, and you always know that the next level is going to require a new edge, a new level of tension that you get to move through and overcome, a new level of um uncomfortability. That's inevitable. You know that. Like we know that. So don't avoid those little uncomfortable things that you know you should be doing, or that conversation you need to have, or the thing you need to express, like the tension is the sign that you're about to grow. That's where you gotta go. That's where you gotta leave. I know. Yeah, and the tension of ascension.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

And once you realize that, and you you then identify those places in your life. Like I had a client, and she was like, Oh, I saw this thing online. It was like this primal moves, breath work, exp expression workshop. And she was like, and I was like, Oh fuck, I don't want to do that. And she was like, Ah shit, I have to do that. That's the big clue.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

That's where the medicine is, that's where you're gonna go, right?

SPEAKER_02 39:17

Yeah, like I I didn't again, I'll share something personal here around like my process, around um like my expression of like primal energy was something that I kind of like suppressed early on in my life because I just you know I never had this outlet to do that growing up. It was kind of like shut down early. And what I noticed is a pattern for me is when things don't go my way and I I get angry or frustrated about something, I immediately like just let me just pretend that I'm not pissed. Let me pretend that I'm not angry. And by doing that, I'm storing this like energy in my body that creates sometimes a mild amount of tension that might be very subtle, but it's blocking the fullness of what can come through in my energy. And it was like showing up on the paddle court at times where I was like playing paddle, I'd make a bad shot and I'd be like, fuck. And I wouldn't I wouldn't express it. You wouldn't let it out, wouldn't let it out, but I would try and continue and play on, but but now there's this tension in my body and I'm making more mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Yeah, wow.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

And my coach was helping me see, like, nah bro, let it fucking rip. Like you let yourself be angry and then boom, you've moved through it and then come back.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Wow, I wonder whether Nick Kiriosk is doing that on the tennis court. 100%. I wonder if I wonder if that's the intention.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

I'm not gonna be aware of it, but like with the guys who like let out a fucking yell or whatever, great. You need to. You need to something.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

You gotta let that out, you can't swallow that. That's so interesting. Fuck, thanks for sharing that.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

Yeah, because like otherwise you can just be I'm I have been really hard on myself in the past, and I can take that same principle and apply it into my business when I'm not in the flow of my business or I'm like not feeling creative. I'm like, fuck, like what why is this not flowing for me today? Or I'll get angry at myself for whatever reason. All right, like how am I gonna move through that energy so I'm not holding on to it and it's creating this like tense block.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

What are your favorite ways to help move out that energy?

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Yeah, for me, like this qi gong exercises that I'll do, sometimes just you know, fucking let out a yell and just belt one out, and it feels really good. Or sometimes I need to like hit, I need to hit something like a pillow bed, boxing bag, whatever. It usually is requiring some level of my voice, some level of movement, some level of expression, and like really going there. Yeah. Like not just being like, Yeah, uh, that is a thing for so many men and women, but men especially is like we don't go there. Yeah. Like, when is when was the last time you let out your fucking animal? Yeah. Just like let it rip, like out of control. You just went out of control in in a contained environment. Reason it doesn't happen is because the men don't have contained environments where they can do it. This is where the men's work comes in, or having a space where a man can hold you in that, because that full expression in that power is what unlocks a level of stability, safety in your nervous system where you've gone to that really dark place and you've just channeled it and let it and let it all out. You hold a level of stability in your in your body that people feel.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

And because you've touched it, yeah, you no longer need to be afraid of it.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's big. Yeah. There's a huge amount of fear that gets liberated. Because the fear is all connected to that.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Yeah, it's sad. Like it makes me feel really sad for men. And I love that we're having this chat because men need fucking men's work. Women need men to have men's work. Yeah, you know, we all need men to do the men's work. Yes. And it makes me really sad. And I feel a lot of compassion for men in the sense that it's like even to express themselves, to let out frustration, it's it's it's almost fra I mean, it is frowned upon and it's it's definitely suppressed in a lot of ways from society as a whole because it's like, that's violence. You know, he's dangerous. And it's like, no, he's fucking not. He's human. He's got some energy he's got to let out of his body. Emotion is energy.

SPEAKER_02 42:52

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Yeah. And it's fucking, it's an act of self-love to actually let that energy out. Because if you don't, it'll bottle up and it'll body up, bottle up, and it'll create more tension, and then you'll end up reacting at your spouse in a way that you're not proud of.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Correct, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

Or your family members or kids or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Yeah, and when a man's done that work as well, and now he's got that extra level of capacity or tolerance in his body when his wife or his girlfriend is going through her process, he can like be in it with her and it's not going to overwhelm him or he can hold it. Yeah, he can be like, cool, well, let it out, love. Like, what are you feeling? I'm I'm here for it. Let's go. Instead of him immediately wanting to shut it down or get defensive or fight back or pull away or whatever. Yeah. The enemy.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

It's it's honestly my favorite thing to let out a big fucking roar. It's good. I guess it really is I'm like I'm a fucking drape. I like the little woman in that wiltness just like roaring this shit out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

It's so it's so liberating. It's very liberating.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It feels very primal, pathartic. It's like one of my favorite things. And then what like once, like I said, once you touch it, once you develop a relationship with that. level of expression, even yeah, rage, sadness as well, and grief, and just letting yourself really go into the depths of that well. Then like you said, it lets go of the fear around it. And you're like, oh, it's okay for me to let this out.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

I don't need to be scared of this.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

100%. 100%. Yeah. Because and then you you're a little bit okay feeling through some of that sadness, which again is hard for a lot of men. You connect with the sadness, you feel it, you you connect with that emotion and you come out the other side of it going, huh? Hey, you know what? I am good. Yeah everything is working out for the best. I do have enough. Like and then you that's when you layer on all those I am statements like we mentioned before because now your nervous system's like registering it as reality. You start vibrating at this like this new level. But until you move through the emotion the you can't contact the subconscious in that way.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

Yeah because you're in like you're in a your nervous system's activated and you're in fight or flight or in freeze and shut down.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

And yeah it's just not it's just a buildup of gunk from the past that you gotta move through.

unknown 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

It's so crazy. It's so it's so crazy. Everyone has their own version of that. Right?

SPEAKER_04 45:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

You know like some people have I guess experiences in the past like from childhood and stuff that are like really traumatic, you know, violence or DV and abuse and and then there are people that just have like really strict parents you know or or um had a really overachieving amazing older sibling and they were just kind of you know average. Yeah yeah but it's all it all matters. It all matters because it all had it it has an effect on the individual and one person's trauma or hardships doesn't diminish or cancel out your experience.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

Yeah correct correct how was your upbringing like did you have brothers and sisters and you grew up in Australia right?

SPEAKER_00 45:54

Yeah I have one older sister yeah four years older she's she's like my rock hey like she's like that one person in my life that I'm like she's fucking got me wow always yeah it's great we hated each other growing up though yeah me and my brother fought a lot too but now it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

Yeah where's your what age is your brother?

SPEAKER_02 46:11

He's uh two years younger than me.

SPEAKER_03 46:13

Oh yeah cool cool cool yeah so you grew up in Gold Coast?

SPEAKER_02 46:17

No I grew up in the country I grew up in parks okay it holds where parks is no do you know where Dubbo is yeah you know live in Dubbo wow really like two hours an hour and a yeah there's something special about the the country folk in Australia that's just the yeah salt of the earth people yeah thank you so that's where I grew up where'd you grow up in uh like Fremantle area in Western Australia I'm yet to go over to the Western coast. That's great. That's it the Western coast popular it's getting popular everyone's moving out to Perth these days it's where like all the all the work and opportunities are but I think when you grow up in Perth you're just like eager to get the fuck out of there. It is the most isolated city in the entire world so when you're there you're like it's beautiful on paper but I need to at least for me I just needed to once I had that first big Europe trip with my friends like I need to explore the world it's it's what my soul needs.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

So much admiration for that you know a lot of people holding themselves back from making big life changes.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

Yeah yeah I mean I just if you work life's too short man if you're working a job that you don't like or you know what you're doing right now isn't it figure it out you gotta figure it out and and then enjoy the process of figuring it out but just know that once you've made a decision to to seek something greater then that process is always going to be an inward journey like what I went through when I was at my corporate job it was like 17 months of being an accountant trying to figure out how the fuck to get out of there. Initially I was in so much resistance to my job I hated it but as I went on the figuring out journey the journey brought me closer to myself to the point where I was I was like okay I'm an accountant I actually don't mind this this is not too bad. I'm working great people I'm in a great city this is my reality this is my reality and once I'd transcended all of the resistance and doubts and fears and annoyance and anger towards my situation that's when I was ready to leave the job and go now I'm gonna pursue this next thing because I know I got me. I know that I'm always taken care of can't fail. Yeah so let's go you know so that that's the process that no matter where you are right now that's that's what you're you're here to overcome.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

I love this saying there's no failure there's only feedback you know almost like just rejecting the idea that failure even exists. Yeah yeah yeah you're just getting feedback and then from that point you've got more information you can make a choice from there. Yeah yeah you're always going to be moving forward in a way if you look at it like that. 100% which is nice.

SPEAKER_02 48:39

Yeah yeah yeah yeah you you really can't you can't you you cannot fail but also the the level if the level you resist failure is the same level that you resist success. If you're the same with the money if you're resisting giving you resisting receiving they're they're the same thing just on different levels of frequency right?

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Yeah it's like shades of it's like a spectrum you know and it's like I'm I'm getting the example of like light and dark. Dark is only darkness is only a shade of light.

SPEAKER_02 49:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

The absence of light like it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Exactly the same thing that you notice with the the the work like your you know your influence and your brand and all of that it's like you've probably noticed that you know if you want to become an influencer and make a lot of money from content and things like that you have to confront the willingness to be seen by a lot of people. And there's like a lot of people say that a lot of people say oh yeah I want to be an influencer but are you ready to be seen are you are you willing to sacrifice that part of you there's always a sacrifice for everything. So yeah it's like that's the contradiction like I want to receive on a whole new level and make more money but am I willing to be seen on a whole new level?

SPEAKER_00 49:45

Yeah there's a cost. Yeah there's a cost yeah I don't know I don't know if I necessarily like the word cost because cost implies like you know it has like there's a um there's a cause and effect there's cause and effect yeah yeah 100% yeah there's an effect something will happen. Yes yeah and it's like there's this beauty like the the thing is too it's like when we want something in life we have to be willing to give up what we've got to get the thing that we want and I don't think a lot of people are willing to give up what they've got people really need to have a sense of security before they take the leap and it stops them from taking the leap anyway. Yeah and it's like bruh this is your one fucking life what is 90 year old version 90 year old you gonna be saying to you right now like about this yeah take the fucking leap.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

What was that leap for you?

SPEAKER_00 50:36

I've had many yeah I've had many I used to be a nurse oh wow yeah holy shit I was a nurse and I wanted to be a midwife like that was the big goal I was like I want to help women have their babies like I'm such a nurturing like maternal person love animals all that kind of thing I was like I'm gonna be a midlife and then I did my nursing degree and then I got the dream job and by the way I got peas all the way peas get degrees but you know if you just fucking back yourself and you have confidence and you present yourself well like you're gonna get what you want. And I always just had this thing like I always get what I want. Yeah oh good I always get what I want just waiting on my husband now. I'm gonna teach my daughter that one day isn't it yeah but to a certain level yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you're capable of everything yeah like you can do anything yeah she's like give me this daddy like Derek shouldn't have told her that yeah so um I got the midwifer I uh after my new grad year I applied for the midwifery transition of pre professional practice program there were like five spots or something and it wasn't just open to new grad nurses or post grad I don't know what the terminology is can't remember being out of that game for a while um it was open to everybody like nurses that have had years and years of experience I got the job I knew I'd get the job yeah because I get get what I want and anyway it didn't feel right I was like hmm I got the job doesn't feel right it's weird and I'm like I'm 23 ish some sometime sometime around that time and I'm like I haven't done any travel yet I'm like I need to fucking go on a trip. So my sister and I booked a Europe trip like an eight week Europe classic Australian thing at just go on a Euro trip with your friends or if family and see what happens I go to Tomorrowland yeah it's sort of like that's if it's definitely it's South Croatia I didn't do Sail Croatia it's so predictable Australian oh my god there's a new things that I didn't do South Croatia was the best that was so on my list that and Burning Man I was like these are the two things I want to do and play up at but now that I'm sober I'm like you know what yeah were you at tomorrow like 2019 okay yeah that's a bit before you the book of wisdom returns it's funny my sister did the book of wisdom like however many years before and then we went back and it was like the book of wisdom returns it was so fun but yeah then I um had this heartbreak like a little bit of a heartbreak was on Facebook scrolling around and then saw like this bachelor ad quite a go on the bachelor and I was like started filling out the application it was so long and I was like nah I'm I'm over this I've got to be up for a quick chef quick shift in the morning I'm gonna get out of this forgot about it completely didn't even finish it six weeks later they're like we want you on the show and I'm like oh I can't and I like tried to pull out so many different times gave them so many different reasons they're like nope this this this this this and I'll and then it just ended up like it was just I was meant to do it. I was meant to do it. And it makes sense now because like that really is how I grew like a huge portion of my platform. Wow and like everyone came on that journey of personal evolution with me. And so that's built a lot of trust um throughout that process as well like people like yeah she was a party girl like she was a bit fucked up here and here and here and now look at her like what so I look back now and it all makes perfect sense and I've ended up where I'm meant to be but gee whiz like if you had have asked me like 10 years ago have you been seeing that piece of content on social media where people are doing like an interview with their 2016 self to 2026 no no I mean I showed me I started doing it yeah and it was like um so I've been like filming it on Zoom and I've like asked myself some questions so I'm like acting as if I am the version of me 10 years ago and I'm like so did we pass? Like did we pass a uni and I'm like oh yeah you passed. Please get degrees baby and she's like well how is it how's nursing it's like oh you're not a nurse anymore and it's like what so like if I had like I would not have thought I would be living in Costa Rica at 31 by myself just being like an online coach helping people with all their shit like no way that life gives you what you need always not necessarily what you think you want. And things always work out better than you could have possibly imagined. Yeah so while you might have like a bit of a vision for what you want be okay with the fact that it's probably going to change for the better. And trust that it's gonna be for the better.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

Yeah yeah yeah I fully agree and resonate. What a what a journey yeah how was it being on like a like the Kiss of the Bachelor was a big show I don't know what it's like now but back then it was a lot of people watched that's a lot of eyeballs. Like how how was that process for you?

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Well that was um yeah that was a definitely a rock bottom moment. Really so just from like being like this super wholesome like country nurse like girl next door kind of thing um to then like having so many eyes on me wanting to know about my personal life and this and this and this like it was it was a lot and I that was the first time I actually experienced anxiety like felt like I had a hand wrapped around my throat for weeks. Like and my throat was blocked but because I I couldn't speak I couldn't I couldn't say my piece like and there was all this stuff in the media and like all of this fucking drama and nonsense and I'm like it's not even fucking true. Like but I was just so like yeah I was so closed off and I didn't know how to deal with it. So what did I do? I trained when I was at the gym that was the only time the hand came off my throat yeah um I had to get on medication to sleep I was like on Valium Tamazepam melatonin because I'd lay in bed and my brain would just be like hex okay yeah yeah um and I did drugs yeah to like party and feel good.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

That's it eh that's then that's to distract myself who uh in that place um fuck so how did you get out how'd you get through that how'd you get out of it?

SPEAKER_00 56:53

I mean that's when I kind of started dabbling in different things. Yeah like I tried kinesiology and that was amazing because it taught me about my unconscious mind my subconscious mind. I was like wow interesting oh I have a belief that I'm not lovable.

SPEAKER_03 57:06

That's weird who would have thought that's back there.

SPEAKER_00 57:09

Where the fuck did that come from? Yeah because consciously when she asked me that question I was like of course I'm lovable and my body was like and I was like whoa what was that you know and then I did like some Reiki did a Reiki course did some hypno breath work learned how to meditate that helped my sleep got off the medication did different things to support my nervous system yeah which helped me to get out of the way that I was feeling but nothing really went deep enough to make a meaningful impact. And when it came to relationships I kept attracting men that couldn't commit to me and that were emotionally unavailable. And it was the same guy happy and paced yeah and it wasn't until I had the big big heartbreak and it was like a switch had flicked. I was like oh it's me I'm scared of commitment because of my parents' relationship because that wasn't super happy and I'm like oh God is trying to show me all of my wounds through these men and it was just like this fucking boom.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

Wow yeah yeah it's big win relationships yeah because you realize relationships aren't there to make you happy they're there to make you more aware more conscious to teach you. Yeah of where you're not loving yourself. And when you see that message then you then you get to keep loving yourself deeper and the relationship gets to go deeper because you're now not dependent on the relationship to make you happy or make you fulfilled or make you loved. Like that's the thing. Until you understand that relationships will be the the greatest source of frustration and drama in your life because they're not there to make you happy. They can't yeah they might for a little bit of time but eventually they're gonna piss you off that person's gonna let you down in some way so the moment you go oh okay this is for me to connect with the part of me that created this or needs this then relationship becomes like a dance almost like a dance.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

Yeah and I think the cool thing about relationships like there's an opportunity here like when you're in a relationship with someone and you guys are on the same wavelength in terms of agreeing to the idea that it's like we're gonna trigger each other. We're gonna show each other what our wounds are and rather than go into this fucking like ping pong battle of like projection and nah fuck you no fuck you. It's like we get to support each other through that. We get to support each other through our growth and we get to take responsibility of our own shit as that comes up rather than just blaming each other.

SPEAKER_02 59:28

Yeah bingo bingo but you yeah you do have to be at a certain place in your journey where you're aware enough to know that. Yeah. And usually it's one person in the relationship who steps onto that path first.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

But there is a is it is it more so men or women?

SPEAKER_02 59:43

What I found it's more usually the women who who is on that path and she's like well man and then they say the man's not willing to do the work he's not like opening up to me like you know and then usually the the woman will create this like mother scenario where she's mothering him or wanting him to do the work more and that actually pushes him further away. But sometimes it's the man that does like a lot of the guys that I work with sometimes they're on this journey and their wife's not not quite there yet. So it it does depend but usually there is someone who's on the path first and then it's about learning to not project your level or your expectations on who your partner should be onto them so they have the space to like start to find their own journey in that union. That's what happened with Amanda and I at least anyway. Yeah could do mind sharing yeah that's yeah like so I started on my journey of figuring all my stuff out and there was like this one time when I remember we were in Bali in 2020 and I just got my online business off the ground and here I was like just in the business like let's go like it's starting to grow this thing I was so committed so on purpose and she kind of just stopped she'd just come out of working in bars and restaurants and she was still feeling figuring out her shit and she was just out there kind of like going the flow no not really doing anything. Yeah and I was projecting like all this judgment onto her around like I know if she's my my girl like I don't want my my girl like a little bit more into personal development I kind of want her you know not she knows I want a woman who knows herself a little more and like is can support me in my mission because she's not it right now and then I had a session with a coach one day and she's like all that judgment you have towards her is you judging yourself. You're judging yourself for not feeling like you're doing enough and all this I'm like no shit. Alright let me take some responsibility for that let me like take the pressure off her and give her the space that she really needs to find her path. Yeah and in doing that she did start to find her own way and then like 12 months later she's in this like digital marketing job and now two years later she's helping me grow my brand online and as like the biggest support system for me and I'm always going to her for questions and stuff around marketing because she's a gun. Yeah. So she found that path on her own without me having to like project my you know timeline of what I thought she should be doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:56

Yeah I really appreciate you sharing that because I've seen this with some of my clients as well the pressure that the partner can put on the oh fuck maybe I'm doing this to my parents as well as like yeah but it's like there's like an energetic kind of quality that comes with that and it's unseen. It's more of a felt thing and people can feel it if you're putting pressure on them and you've got these like even even if you're not voicing it you've got this kind of energy of expectation and that creates resistance.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:35

It creates distance definitely definitely and they feel that and that's what kind of blocks them from really being able to find that path quicker and sooner. So usually it's just let them be around someone who fully supports them no matter where they're at and full acceptance of where they're at and usually through osmosis if you're around someone who's on a slightly higher frequency than you and you're not distorting that through judgment or blame or whatever and and that person could be around you they're gonna pick up on that on that frequency. There's like no doubt about it. Yeah and they'll eventually raise to that that level that's how it works.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:09

The ripple the ripple effect is real. Yeah right it is I really appreciate like you sharing that like that's awesome and I think that's gonna support a lot of people here like especially women that are probably in this space of like I just want them to do some fucking work and they don't even realize that maybe they're unconsciously um contributing this energy of pressure and expectation and judgment and shame right and that that's just keeping them where they're at with their partner and it's like can you just can you stay on your own path and stay committed to what you're doing and and almost be a model for that in a way while also just supporting your person and be like hey like you're gonna figure things out. Yeah you're gonna figure things out you've got this yeah you got this yeah the answers will come.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

Yeah the teacher will arrive 100% and like in if there is something you need from from them you can make that request from the place of you know dev they're they're already doing the work they're doing it they're in it rather than having an unconscious belief that like oh they never show up for me or they're always doing this you know in that unconscious victim belief that's literally keeping them stuck in that reality why don't you play in the reality of like cool they're they're they're the man of your dreams these he's the king and if you're already in that reality you can make a request from this like hey what sweet would you be willing to do this would you really will just clean up after yourself when you're done like and there's a lightness to it of I'm great but I would love it if you could do this. I I know you can do it like you you got it in you I see you instead of like well you never fucking clean up after yourself like fucking always me I have to do everything and then immediately there's that you're in that mother energy and he just wants to do the opposite.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:47

Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wow so I guess what kind of advice would you give to a female like one of the female listeners that are listening that is like I really want my man to do some work. How do I how do I invite him into this gently? Do I just do I just like have Jordan's Instagram up on my phone and just like slide it over to him? Like what do I do?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

But that you could send some videos if there are videos hey like we should chat about this like hey I'm curious to get your thoughts on this I I wonder what would come up for you like you know like I want to discuss this with you later. It's not like hey you should do this like you know you don't you don't send it from the energy like why aren't you doing this? Yeah like hey I'm curious to know what you think about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:26

The word should yeah equals shame. Yeah should shame you're saying you should be doing this and then they're like fuck I'm a piece of shit. Like you're shaming that person. That's a great point. Yeah delete the word should guys yeah delete it from your vocabulary like to yourself and to the people around you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Yeah so then the other thing would be you know a man doesn't he doesn't want to be told what to do. He doesn't want to be but he wants to be inspired to like step in. Like he wants to be inspired to be the hero. A man loves to be the hero.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

You know, so if you can help your man step into that energy of being the hero, it's like, babe, like I'm feeling really disconnected recently when I'm around you and like I love when we're connected and I just I don't know, would you be able to work with me on this and try and help me like how can we rediscover this together?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:15

Help me help help me help me be your like save me again. Like help help me step into the hero energy again. Yeah. You're trying to like inspire that in him, even though you know you're good, you've got you can take care of yourself. But yeah, it's the energy of it's empowering you. Yeah, I want to empower you to step in.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:32

Because I believe in you, you got this.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:34

You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:35

Yeah, I believe in you. That's good. And the word help is a good word too. There's this book. I don't know if you've heard of it. Do you know Alison Armstrong?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The keys to the kingdom. I recommend that to a lot of the guys. Yeah, come into the program.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:47

Yeah, that's great. It's a good book.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

It's a good book, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:50

It's a helpful book, guys. Listen to that book if you're like, what do we do? It's like, listen to that book. Yeah. Um that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:55

So so yeah, for the ladies, it's it's that. Like, help him step into the hero that you need through like give him some alley oops, give him some like get better at communicating what you feel in the moment rather than like projecting onto him what he's doing non-feelings. Yeah, or what he's doing wrong. I was like, you never feel like you never care about me anymore. Get back into contact with your body and the feelings and and share your truth around him. I'm feeling really closed off, I'm feeling really upset, I'm feeling really disconnected from you. They're truths. And when you share those truths around him, it's gonna pull him in. He's gonna be like, oh shit, I didn't realize I was making you feel like that. Damn. He's gonna want to be better.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:32

Some women have a bit of resistance and resentment around making their man the hero. And ladies, if that's you, that's a clue about you. Yeah. Yeah. There's an invitation there for you to work on something because like it's a fucking beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing to build someone up and be like and to empower someone and and for that to be the person that you care about and that you love because ultimately it's gonna get you what you want anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:01

100%.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

Right. So just the invitation, be curious about like if there's anything that we're saying in this conversation that's been maybe triggering or activating for you like, fuck those guys. I don't believe that.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:12

Like, why should he be the fucking hero? You know, but yeah, and and also the trust factor, right? Whereas if there is some trust issues there in the relationship where maybe you don't trust your man in a certain way. Well, again, that that's that's about you have to decide to be willing to trust yourself again, come back to trusting yourself and give him a chance to step into a new level of leadership for you. And sometimes that means like guys need space with men, they need to spend time with the boys, like it's as simple as that. I'm just coach men who wear their missuses don't want they get upset and angry when he's trying to spend time with the guys. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, he needs that.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:46

What if it's a man that doesn't know that he needs to be around other men?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:52

Yeah, then a beautiful thing you can do as a woman and be like, hey, go spend time with the boys. You need to find outlets. Uh likewise with women, but men need to have an outlet. Like, hey, love, like I feel like you go hang out with boys, go fucking train in the gym or go like go take take your time, go.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:08

Or do some men's work with some men, like Jordan. Please go on his one of these retreats.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:13

Go on the retreat.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:14

Do you have any retreats coming up?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:15

Um, probably do one in July.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:17

Where are you gonna do it?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:19

I feel like I want to do one out here. Oh, sick. You haven't locked in a place yet, but so cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:24

This is a great spot. Where is most of your audience?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:27

America.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:28

Mint!

SPEAKER_02 1:09:29

Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, so a lot of the stuff we do as is either out in Canada or America because it's easier for the these guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:36

That's cool. You might have like an influx of ladies wanting to send their men on a retreat in Australia or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:42

You've always do Aussies? Yeah. No, I have to do one in Australia at some point.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

For sure, for sure. Like, and when you do, let me know because I will actually put that out to my network of like clients, people that I've worked with, and on my social media to be like, hey men, here's something fucking epic for you to go to. Like, please, you deserve this.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:00

They do, they do. We really and as men, like being around good men who got your back is just I don't know. If you grew up playing sport, you know what it's like. There's a camaraderie, there's a brotherhood that gets formed when you when you have that around you. But when you go into your regular life and you lose contact with that, or you lose contact with being around good men, it's isolating and you're like, you're carrying so much on your own. It's like, no, no, it's not a luxury. You need this, it's a necessity. You need men around you. So that's why I do the men's work or the men's groups. It's like I think it's the greatest thing I can give to guys. It's like come into this space, I'm curating the guys, you're gonna have a family, you're gonna have a brotherhood at the end of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:37

So and even if you are a man that's like, oh, you know, but I've got a family, I've got little kids, like I'm maybe feeling some guilt about like doing something for yourself. Because I think both sides of the um the partnership experience that a little bit of like guilt, like, oh, I can't do that for myself. Or you know, you can. We're here to tell you that you can and you should.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:57

Yeah, your kids are look your kids are looking at you, your kids uh are observing how you show up for yourself. And if there's tension or just like you're you're exhausted because you're just giving, giving, giving, giving, and you're not receiving, or you're teaching your kids that your kids want the best version of you to be around. Sometimes that means like, hey, I need I need this for me. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely necessary. Yeah, beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:19

Wow. Jordan, thank you so much for coming on the episode. That was so graphic. I think everyone's gonna really froth everything that we've we've shared and um get a lot of value out of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:31

Thanks, my friend. Yeah, maybe we'll have to do a a round two back in uh is it where is it? Nimbin, you're going? No, not Nimbid. Front of Ben or something. It's Nimbin.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:44

We could do one out of Nibbin.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:46

That's the weed, the weed uh it's a hippie town.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:48

I don't like weed. Yeah, okay. It's not my journey. But yeah, yeah. See you in Corumbus.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:53

See you back in Corumbin.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

Cheers, guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:55

Cheers.