EP 17: You Are Your Greatest Teacher

This is an episode I've been sitting with for a long time - and I'm so glad it's  here.

What if you didn't need an intense plant medicine ceremony or a big life altering event to experience profound growth? What if life itself - every trigger, every pattern, every person you attract - is already doing that work for you, if you know how to look?

That's what this episode is about. The idea that life is a ceremony. And once you start seeing it that way, everything changes.

I take you through how this way of living came into my awareness - through ayahuasca, through a two-and-a-half-year situationship with someone who couldn't commit, and eventually through a music festival in the mud where a total stranger helped me break through one of my biggest edges. I talk about what it actually means to use life as your teacher - how to notice what you're attracting, why you're attracting it, what your triggers are trying to tell you, and how to get curious instead of reactive.

I also walk you through the life as a game analogy that I come back to again and again - the levels, the clues, the controller you didn't know you were holding - and how to start actually playing with intention instead of flailing around with a blindfold on, trying to figure things out. 

This is how I do the inner work. This is how things started materialising faster than I ever thought possible. And this is how you can start too.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Lvolve podcast where we have interesting and insightful conversations. Today's episode is one that I've had in my awareness to record for a long time, and I'm super excited to have this conversation because I think it's gonna help. I mean, I know, I know that it's gonna help you to see life through a new lens and give you a new level of awareness of how you can actually participate in life and how you can participate in your own growth. So, this episode is about the idea that life itself is a ceremony. Yeah, I'm gonna explain it all so it makes sense because I know that might sound a little bit woo-woo-whum funny. Life's a ceremony, you know. And like I've truly reached a state of awareness where I really see that. And getting to this point now, the magic that unfolds in my life is actually crazy. Like the growth is through the roof, and I'm seeing so many things materialize from the quantum field into my 3D reality so much faster because this is the way that I do life. Please ignore. I don't know if you guys can pick up on it. Like there's some construction across from me, and you might be getting a bit of banging in the background. So if that's the case, my sincerist, and let's carry on. Okay, so what is a ceremony? Ceremonies have literally been around since the beginning of time, right? And there are so many different types of ceremonies. Some you've probably been to yourself, you know, like a wedding ceremony, a christening, a naming day, a funeral. These are all examples of ceremonies that are very common in, and I guess just a part of our life in Western society, right? And there are so many other kinds of ceremonies from all different types of cultures. Like, for example, there could be um rites of passages, cultural initiations, and beyond, right? I only have, you know, since I I guess I'm not I guess since I'm not as exposed to different cultures, and this is where I get to do some research as well. Like um, I know there are so many. Oh, actually, recently what I've been doing myself is tea ceremony, and that's definitely more of an Eastern thing from um Chinese culture, and I'm loving tea ceremony. Anyway, we'll talk more about that for sure. So ceremonies, it's not just about the day, it's about a transition. Yeah, and maybe transformation in a sense. Do you know what I mean? So, like if we just think about a wedding, for example, there's a transition. There's a transition from two people choosing to come into union with each other and become one, essentially, right? So it's pretty special, like the significance of a ceremony is quite sacred. And I'd love to explore the idea that life itself is a ceremony. And so I guess as we dive into that, I love to touch on my experience with ceremony and I guess how this new level of awareness came into being for me. So I was never overly religious growing up, right? Like, never really part of a church. I wasn't christened. I don't know about you guys, but it's like my parents christened my sister and did the fun things with her, and then like the second baby comes along and they're like, nah, she'll be right. Some of you are probably listening to this, being like, Yeah, that's me. I was that second child, or the middle child, or the one that came after that the parents were a little bit more lax with. Yeah, me too. I see you. And so, yeah, never really came from much of a religious background. I mean, I remember growing up and like praying with my nun. Like, my nun and I would like do prayers before bed every night, like, and my goodness, I used to take her through so many different prayers. It was, I remember being like, and dear God, please protect my teddy and my mum and my dad and my sister and my cousin. And then I would rattle off all of my cousins' names. It was just never-ending. And anyway, somewhere along the line that stopped. Could have been because my dad is an atheist, and I was literally like my dad's little shadow. He was like my hero growing up, and so potentially I picked up on some of his attitudes around religion and was like, eh, whatever. I've always been like a little bit of a mystical kind of kid, though. Like, always had this amazing imagination, really into like rocks and crystals. Like, literally, I had a rock collection growing up. But yeah, I guess when it came to religion and God, there wasn't that much of a relationship, right? So I recently, I guess recently being in the last three to four years, this is where ceremony really came front and center for me, and that was through ayahuasca. Now you guys know that I've done some ayahuasca retreats. I've done three at Rhythmia in Costa Rica, and each time has been wildly transformational and has brought about so many positive changes for me as an individual, and also like the work really comes after the integration of the medicine. It's not just going there and having this crazy experience and then being like, oh, I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna do it again, I'm gonna do it again, I'm gonna do it again. Like, I really gave space for myself to integrate everything that unfolded for me in plant medicine. And if you've seen my YouTube videos, you know that it's no fucking joke. It's no joke. It's not something to just be like, oh, that sounds like fun, I'm gonna go do that. Like, that'll be a great time. Please, if there's anything that you can take from me with regard to plant medicine, it is to make sure that it is a choice that you're being a choice that you're making based off feeling called to do it. Not just because it sounds fun or it sounds, you know, whatever. It's not fun. It's full-on, is what it is. And that doesn't even begin to touch the surface on what it's like. But anyway, that's just my disclaimer. I'm not out here telling everyone to go do plant medicine because I hold it with I hold those ceremonies with a lot of reverence and respect. And yeah, it's not to be entered into lightly, is I guess the main point that I want to make here in that. So, hmm. I'll tell you what it's like, an ayahuasca ceremony, right? So, particularly the place that I go to called Rhythmia, they give you intentions. And I like this. I like that there's some structure behind uh this process. They essentially take you through a program, which is great. And the program has worked time and time and time again. Like they've consistently had a miracle rate of over 90%, even higher 90s for a long time. Um, I can confidently say over 90%. Uh and it's probably higher. I just don't want to be like saying um data that's incorrect. I think it's actually higher than that. And so they give you intentions and they teach you how to work with the medicine so that you go in and you've got an idea of what's gonna go down, even though you don't really have an idea of what's gonna go down. So this is why the program is great, because there is preparation and support like all the way through. And so the three intentions that you're given is show me who I've become. Yeah, show me who I've become. Who am I? Who have I become and how did that come about? So you're asking the medicine to show you. So let's just say you're a people pleaser and you know that about yourself. The medicine is going to show you how you become a people pleaser. What happened early in life to make you that way now? Okay, show me who I've become. The next one is merge me back with my soul at all costs. At all costs. Because what they teach in the program is that somewhere early in childhood that your soul splits because something happened. Something happened that hurt. You know, and merge me back with my soul at all costs is I guess the repair that happens in the medicine. And then the last intention is to heal my heart. So let me give you a bit of an example of how I worked with the first intention most recently. Yeah, because it's in my awareness, I remember it. So the first intention was show me who I've become. And so at that point in time, I'd done three ayahuasca. Well, I was sitting in my third ayahuasca ceremony, right? I'd done two. And that was the first intention for me to work with. Show me who I've become. And so what the medicine does is it it'll show you something. So it might be it'll show you literally a vision, it might talk to you, it might give you a feeling in your body, an emotion, right? And so for me, in this particular experience, I was having all of these scary visions. And what they teach in the class is that they're like, okay, you're seeing this scary stuff. How are you feeling? And I'm like, oh, I'm feeling fear. And then it's like, okay, when and where do you feel fear in your life? Okay, so with the show me who I've become intention, I'm like, okay, how am I feeling right now seeing this scary stuff? I'm feeling scared. And it's like, okay, what am I scared of in life at the moment? Like, this is what I'm doing in the medicine. I'm just taking you through the process, right? I'm like, what am I scared of in life at the moment? It's like, well, I'm scared of being seen. I'm scared of being completely myself. I'm scared of leaning into my greatness. I'm scared of claiming my greatness. I'm scared of being fully expressed. I'm scared of being an expert in what I do and claiming that, right? So this is literally what was coming up for me in the process. I was like, these are the things I'm scared of. Okay. So the medicine was showing me, the medicine was showing me who I'd become. I'd become someone that held myself back. I'd become someone who made myself smaller than I could be making myself. I became someone who allowed fear to stop me from success. Does that make sense? So in the ceremony of ayahuasca, I'm working with, I'm intentionally participating with the medicine to uncover what it is that I need to learn. Interesting, right? So another way I like to think about it, so life is a ceremony, so just keep in mind what I spoke about just then. Yeah? Like the way that we can engage with life now, we can do it in the same way that I did when I was in my ayahuasca ceremony. Another way I like to think about it is life is a game. Think of life as if it's a computer game. And you are the main character of that game, right? And so it's like before we even drop down into this body, our soul or our spirit, whatever you'd like to. I mean, think about it, the soul or the spirit's got to be real, right? Like, what would your body be without your mind or your spirit? There's something going on in there, right? So I like, I personally believe that we have a soul or a spirit or both or whatever, maybe it's the same thing, I don't know. And so before that soul came into this body, I like to think of it in a way as this almost like it was like looking down and it was like, hmm, let's go do the human game again. Let's go play the human game again. And this time we need to resolve all this stuff that we didn't complete the last time. So it's like there's these lessons. There's these lessons that weren't completed from the previous lifetimes or incarnations, and now is the chance to do it again. And so your soul kind of looks down at Earth and is like, all right, who's the perfect family? Who's the perfect mom? Who's the perfect dad for this? Uh, the life experiences, the people, the friends, the situations. What's the perfect classroom, or the perfect scene, or the perfect uh, yeah, scene is good, the perfect environment and circumstances for me to be able to complete these lessons this time around. Yeah. So it's like you're the way I like to think about it, and this is what I choose to believe, is that your soul chose all of it already. And then you forgot. As soon as you were born, you forgot. You signed up for all of this. This is what I believe. If you like it, you can take it. If you don't like it, you don't have to. Yeah. And so, with life as a game, think of it, yeah, as if you're the main character and you've got a controller, right? And just like a computer game, there are different levels, and each level has its own set of challenges and obstacles. And these are like the lessons, these are the lessons that your soul's here to overcome so that you can get to the good stuff. Because guess what? The purpose of the game is to actually get to the good stuff. And to remember that you are a divine being. Yeah, you're a seed from source itself, yeah. God, the creator, whatever source energy, you are part of that here in this physical body, on this physical plane, having the human experience, playing the human game. You get to feel all of it. The good, the not so good. And it all serves a purpose, right? Like when we experience challenges, we learn about ourselves, right? And taking it back to the level thing, yeah, you're on this level. And maybe you've been fucking around on this level for a while. You've been repeating the same challenges, the same obstacles, the same patterns. A great example of this is relationships. If you look at your relationship history, maybe you're seeing a bit of a common thread. That's a pattern. Yeah? There's something for you to learn there. So once you start to observe and notice what's coming up in your awareness, what you're attracting, because if we look at the universal laws, like attracts like. That is just as real as the law of gravity, the law of attraction, right? If like attracts like, then you are attracting and creating a reality that is meant to mirror back to you what's happening within you. We attract what we are an energetic match for. So the people that you attract, they're there to teach you about you. For example, let's just say you've got a pretty average relationship history, like I said, and people have cheated on you or treated you poorly, and maybe you chose to stay. What's that telling you about you? What's the clue there? Yeah? Because part of this game is that you're constantly being given clues, and these clues are there to support your evolution, to invite you to actually see what's happening within you so that you can create change and so that you can get what you want. So, an example of this, I'll give you an example. I was fucking around on this level for a while, and what I kept attracting was the same kind of guy, someone that couldn't commit and that was emotionally unavailable. Time and time again, same bloke. It was ridiculous. And I didn't see it. I did not see it for so long until I had the big heartbreak. And I'd been dipping my toe and learning, dipping my toe into like these different frames and ideas, but nothing clicked yet until the heartbreak. And I was like, hang on. I see it now. Because I was in a two and a half year situationship, and he kept telling me time and time again that he couldn't commit to me, and that he was giving me everything that he could give me, everything that he had available to give to anyone, and I was like, Well, that's good enough for me. He was fucking other people, he was talking to other people, and I I chose I chose that for myself. I could have left at any time and I didn't. I chose that. What's that telling me about me? What's that telling me about my self-worth and my self-respect and my image of self? How much I value myself. So if this guy was a clue, if if this situation was a clue and it was showing me where I was at, then it illuminated so much for me. I realized, I was like, shit. I'm the one that has the fear of abandonment, no, sorry, fear of commitment, right? Because if the if the issue here was that he couldn't commit to me, where is that me? If that's a mirror, yeah, if like attracts like, if that's a mirror, then where am I afraid of commitment? And then I started to reflect on my childhood and I was like, hmm, well, if I look at all the relationships around me, if I look at mom and dad's relationship, commitment doesn't look that fun. Yeah, commitment kind of looked like arguing, living separately, not getting along very well. I was like, I don't want commitment then. So that was happening on a deeper level. I didn't know that that was there until I started to actually reflect and notice what was coming into my field, what I was attracting, what I was allowing, what I was experiencing. I started to become curious about it. So I started to participate with what was coming up in front of me to be able to heal it and to be able to create something new, to be able to, because the first step is awareness. Yeah. The first step to change is actually recognizing what's happening. And then once that becomes conscious, once it leaves the unconscious mind, yeah, the unconscious mind that's hidden, it's out of your conscious awareness, yeah. Once you can then create a level of awareness and consciousness about it, then you can consciously choose to change things. It also helps to work with a coach to do unconscious change work, just so you know that's where my life really changed. So that's another way I like to think about it. Life is a game, yeah. Different levels, each level has its own set of challenges and obstacles, but these are clues, these are clues telling you about you and where you're at and what you need to work on so that you stop repeating that pattern. So what it's really what it's really about is being conscious and actually going into an observer mode and noticing, yeah? Start to Observe, start to be curious, be like, what am I being shown in this moment? Am I being shown? Because this is how you think about it. It's like whatever comes up outside of you in your external reality is trying to show you about something within yourself. Yeah, that's the law of attraction thing, right? Like, this is how we play the game. This is how we use life as if it's a ceremony, a ceremony for growth and healing and evolution. Whatever's coming up in your external awareness, it's trying to show you something that you haven't seen about yourself. So it's trying to show you who you are or what you need to be more of. Let me give you an example of this. Oh, well, we can just use my my situationship example, yeah. Like with this dude, he couldn't commit to me. Yeah? And if if I'm an energetic match for that, where was I afraid of commitment? Yeah. So him coming up in my external reality was God trying to show me that I had a fear of commitment that I didn't know about. It was in my unconscious awareness. I didn't know it was there. I was there consciously, on a conscious level, thinking that I was ready to commit to this guy. And what I was actually being shown was that energetically that wasn't going to happen because he was saying to me, I can't commit to you. I can't commit to you. You know, I've got too much trauma from my past relationship. Yeah. So how is that me? Where am I afraid of commitment? Oh, then I looked at childhood. It always comes back to childhood, by the way. And everyone has the same shit. If you think you don't have childhood trauma, message me. Let's have a chat. I'll show you where your challenges now in life, where they've come from. And it's always childhood. And maybe you just haven't seen it. You haven't been able to make the connect, which is why it's great to have a coach because they can help you find the blind spots. They call blind spots for a reason. Yeah. Now once I actually made this realization, yeah, I was able to start to see life as if it was a game and also a ceremony. Yeah. Like life itself, the way you choose to participate in life is a ceremony. A lot of people are just fucking around on their level. Yeah, if we look at life's a game, it's like they've just thrown the controller out the window. They don't actually, no, they didn't even know that there's a controller. They've got a blindfold on and they're just flailing about, you know, getting triggered and then pointing the finger and being like, you triggered me, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, no sense of curiosity about why am I getting triggered? What's that showing me about me? Why is that making me so emotional? Why am I reacting that way? There's none of that. It's just flailing about. Flailing about, totally asleep. If you choose to put the life as a game, analogy on top of how you live your life, you start to be curious, you start to observe who you attract in your life, what they bring up in you, what you bring up in them, how you allow yourself to be treated, what situations you find yourself in. This is how you can grow. And this is how life is a ceremony. So once I realized that, I was like, I don't even need the medicine. I don't need to sit through an ayahuasca ceremony. I don't need to do that to my nervous system because now I see it. Now I see this life experience as a ceremony itself. So recently I went to this music festival called Envision Fest, and I'm completely sober now. I don't do drugs or drink alcohol anymore. That's something that ayahuasca helped purge out of my system. And I went to this festival, and of course, they've got music like a normal music festival, and they also have all of these incredible workshops and speakers and activations and amazing, amazing things. Like you, I was going there for a personal development experience. That was my intention. And so one of the themes that I wanted to work on was being seen and being fully expressed. Do you notice the little common thread there? From the ayahuasca experience last September, realizing that I had not allowed myself to be fully seen. Yeah. So this is how life is a game. I became aware of something, and then now I'm consciously seeking out experiences to push through that limitation, I guess. Right? So I was going to this music festival with intention. I'm like, I'm here to learn, I'm here to grow, I'm here to evolve. Let's see what comes up. So we were at the very first workshop, and it was like this death workshop, and it was super interesting. It was talking about the different uh the different attitudes towards death in a cultural sense. Like Western society, this is this is us, we're fucking scared of death. Don't talk about it. This is a horrible thing. Whereas a lot of Eastern cultures are preparing from death from the very beginning of their lives. And they have a completely different relationship with death than what we do in Western culture. So I'm finding all that very interesting, and as this chick's telling, um, educating us on all of this, there's these dancers performing as well. Now, it'd been raining, so it was a bit muddy. So these dancers are like in the mud doing all this crazy stuff, and I'm like, hmm, cool. After the workshop finished, we went over to a different stage to have a dance. Now, this stage was muddy as well. And I was just, you know, having a bit of a dance. I was noticing how I was feeling as I was dancing, and I was like, hmm, I'm scanning a lot. Yeah, like my awareness is out here away from myself. I'm looking at who's looking at me, I'm looking at who's around, what are people wearing, what are people, how are people dancing? Like I wasn't actually in my body really dancing. Like I was kind of moving, but I was my awareness was out of me, if that makes sense. And then the performers from the workshop that I just went to came and they started dancing, and they were covered head to toe in mud, and they were having this incredible dance, yeah, like locking eyes with each other, face to face, like mirroring each other's movements. It was like their energy integrated into one being, and they were moving in synchronicity. It was so fucking cool. And I'm there watching this, and I'm thinking like I'm kind of going into dialogue in my own mind. Why aren't I doing that? Like, why aren't I in the mud? Why aren't I having a moment like that with someone dancing like that? Because that would be cool. Yeah. So this is what I do, and this is what happens in the ayahuasca ceremony too, right? Like something comes in front of you and you start to be curious about it. You start to ask some questions and figure out what it is that you're going to learn or uncover from that. And so I'm doing this at the music festival. And I'm like, why aren't I doing that? Like, hmm, I'm here to be fully expressed. It's something I want to work on. I'm here to be seen. Yeah. Why aren't I being, why aren't I allowing myself to be seen muddy and messy and dirty and moving in this crazy way, like these people. So, with that in my awareness, the next day, I was like, I want to have a moment like that with someone. I want to like merge energy with someone and dance like that. Not give a fuck about who's around me, what's going on, who's looking, what's happening. Like, I want to allow myself to be seen and to connect with someone really intimately in the same way that these dancers are doing it. So that was my intention, right? I was like, I'm gonna find that. That's that's what I want. So we went to this other workshop the next morning, and it was called the Samana Dance Workshop or something like that. And what happened is that you'd activate different energy centers of the body. So you'd start with the heavier lower body muscles, and you go with the the lighter upper body, and then you'd connect with the four elements. So earth, air, water, and fire. When we got to the part where they were like, we're gonna connect with water now, they were like, find someone that you don't know, lock eyes with them, and just mirror them and move your body. And I was like, oh my god, this is it. So I looked around and I just found this random bloke. What was his name? Felipe, something like that. I had my moment. We were eye to eye, we were so close, our faces were so close, our eye contact did not stop the entire time, and our bodies just moved. They just moved and they moved however. We were like down low on the ground, and then our arms were stretching up, like completely mirroring each other. It was like our energies were intertwined, and it was so fucking cool, and I was so stoked, and I allowed myself to be seen by this dude, and I allowed myself to stare into the soul of someone else and merge and just move. And it was the coolest thing ever. And I was proud of myself because yeah, like it was a little bit of an edge. I was like, geez, like I don't know this dude, it's a man, and here I am, like staring into his eyes and getting super close, like totally in each other's personal space, and just expressing and moving. And I felt safe, like in that space to be able to explore like that, which was so great, and this is how I do life. I notice what comes up in me, I notice what stirs. I'm curious about it. I go into dialogue with myself. I'm like, what's going on here? Why am I contracting? Why am I resisting? Why am I pulling back? Why aren't I like moving towards that? I can feel my energy moving, pulling away from it. What's going on there? What would happen if I leaned into it? What's on the other side of that door? I want to go through that door, even though it feels like I don't actually want to go through that door, you know? It's like your body, my body, is like, I don't want to go through that door. I know I need to go through that door. Yeah? This is stepping out of your comfort zone. Whenever you feel that resistance, that's the big clue. That's where you've got to go. What's on the other side of that? At the very least, it's a sense of pride in self for doing the thing you were scared to do. And when you do that time and time and time again, that builds confidence, that builds self-trust, that builds self-worth. This is how we grow. This is how we grow. And this is how life itself is a ceremony. This is how we play the game of life. Yeah. Wake up. Start to notice what you're attracting, start to notice what's in front of you. Start to notice when you get triggered, when you get emotional. Be curious. Why is this setting up why is this setting me off? This is how you get to have a really deep and intimate relationship with yourself. This is how you actually learn who you are, and you get to decide who you get to be. This is growth. So I'd love to have a conversation with you about this. If this is something that you have questions about, just reach out to me, yeah, on Instagram. When I started living my life like this, miracles happen. The things that I want come to me so fast. This is this is how you do the work, by the way. This is how you actually do the inner work. This is how you can do it yourself. Also, it definitely helps to have a good coach. I will say that. And I wanted to share this so that you guys can start now, and you can start yourself. So that's it for today's episode, guys. Life is a ceremony, life is the ceremony, life is a game. So a little task, a little invitation for you is to observe. Observe through the lens of curiosity. Be curious. What am I being shown? What's coming up in my awareness? Who am I attracting? What am I creating? Yeah, what clues am I being shown? And what's on the other side of that? That's what I want to find out. Thanks for tuning in, guys. I'll talk to you soon.