EP 23: She Flatlined as a Child, Lost Her Dad at 17 & Gave Birth at Home Alone ft. Sedona

Sedona is a yoga teacher, retreat facilitator and now a brand new mama - and her story is one of the most beautifully layered I've heard. From flatlining in second grade, to a decade in the fitness world chasing the Gymshark dream, to selling everything, packing a suitcase and moving to Mexico with her dog and zero plans - she has lived a lot of lives to get to this one.

We get into what it actually means to come out of your masculine and back into your feminine, why allowing yourself to feel is the most powerful compass you have, the spectrum of pain and love and why one expands the other, what it was like to give birth at home with no doctors and no medical intervention - treating the entire nine months as one long ceremony - and why childbirth might be the most profound spiritual experience a woman can have even if she doesn't have the language for it yet.

We also talk about intuition and how to actually access it, following the invisible thread even when it makes zero sense, the guilt that comes with new motherhood and a new identity, and why the things that don't make sense almost always make the most sense looking back.
This one is warm, raw, deeply feminine and genuinely medicine.

Find Sedona on Instagram @soulful.sedona and at Maestro Valley Retreat.

This episode touches on natural unmedicated birth and personal health decisions. Always consult with qualified medical professionals for guidance around pregnancy, birth and postpartum care.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the Elvolve podcast. I nearly said Elvolve retreat. I'm so in retreat mode. Where we have interesting and insightful conversations. I'm joined today by the lovely Sedona. Welcome. Thank you. Thanks for having me, Ellie. Oh my gosh. It's been the coolest thing to be able to connect with you this week and to get to know you and to watch you and your partner, Dakota, like be beautiful, incredible, like really intuitive parents to little Army. It's been like the most beautiful um I guess representation of something that I'm excited to have like in the near future too.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Yeah, thank you. It's been really fun. I just had my first daughter, Ami, Amira, here at our center where uh Ellie just got to experience our retreat. And so beautiful to see you connect with Ami and just be this like you know, super auntie and like mommy vibes, and you just knew how to connect with her. And it was really awesome one to have you as a woman here. I can feel safe and trust with the baby and just thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yeah, that's like the biggest um privilege as well, right? Like because I'm totally aware of how protective mamas are over their little babies, and they and like you know, valid, of course, totally valid, yeah. Because they're the most precious little gift, and yeah, to to have to have felt that from you that I've like I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

I saw the glow and happiness that Army got with you. So I was like, I can't, you know, close her energy energy off, of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Heck yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

So I'm super curious. Like, tell me a little bit about you and your story. Like, you're not just a mum, right? This is new. This is a new one. This is a new identity, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

This is a big new identity, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

It's like the crazy transition movement case. Oh my god, I guess it's yeah, we'll try to put some words to it and who I am, but um, yeah. I am definitely uh being of many different versions of Sedona, and recently just becoming a mother is one of them. Um born and raised, small town, Wisconsin, and you know, coming from a space of lots of like toxicity and living in the matrix-y world and you know, maybe not the most conscious way of living, to being a soul who really just kept seeing the good and you know, being curious of life. I've always been very curious. I question things. I've been very like, uh, I actually flatlined when I was in second grade. So I had asthma really bad. And that was like, I think a very significant part in my life that made me feel very attuned and connected to things in life and questioning about being more. So it made me want to explore and question the things that didn't feel good in my body. Um, hence why, you know, I went across country to Arizona State for college. We could say I either wasted a lot of years there or you know, there's just a really big chat that I like there. Oh, that was a way different version of Sedona. For those of you who've been following my journey, have seen that, you know, very completely, Sedona.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

What did that look like? What was that?

SPEAKER_01 3:11

That was uh I was a really big gym girl, like super blonde, bleach hair, jacked, like very intimidating into a lot, but also very like not healthy in the ways, like very inflamed. I was going on like the health journey, you know, but um it wasn't until I went to my YTT in Costa Rica during the pandemic that just really hit like my physical wisdom of the body into like the more like mind and soul and really transforming where I just like let go of everything and like shed and like the law of detachment, like literally selling everything in my apartment, letting go, packing a suitcase of my dog and saying, like getting the fuck out of here. Yeah. And then we moved to Mexico. Um, and I just kept letting like my hair grow out natural, like wearing less, like no makeup and really connecting just to the essence of who I am, like truly. And um, you know, as a journey as a woman, like I was in birth control for like so long. So, like over 10 years, literally like got up on the pill so young. And this is a part of my journey. I'm bringing this up. It's because when I went to Mexico, like having the deepest like things come out of my body, you know, like literally learning who I am as a woman, like without anything like controlling that. Um, so that's been a really big journey of like coming back into my feminine because I was really in my masculine for like the longest time. Um, so yeah, like really learning the balance of masculine and feminine energies, I think has been a big like part of my journey and like who I am. And um I was really masculine for the longest time. And was that when you were in like I'm talking like Gym Shark ass, like aspiring, wanting like being that influencer girl, like posing all the photos, tagging all the time, like really, really doing my best to like become an athlete with them. Yeah. To like throwing all my plastic clothes away and like you know, no more polyester and things that are harmful of our bodies and the mindset of some of the fitness industry as well, like was really toxic of just like working out like every day for like three hours and just like you know, focusing on the body so much.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

So yeah, like I think so many people like listening to that part of your story. Um lots of parts, and I just want to dial in on this part. Particularly, it's like I relate to that as well. There was a period of my life where I mean, do you know what fitness was great? Like, I remember when I found the gym and I was like, Oh, you're meant to take care of your body. Wow! Like, I didn't know that, yeah. I didn't really know that. I think growing up I did a lot of like team sports, didn't really do much of a gym, and then I found group training. I was like, oh, this is fun, like this is kind of like this feels like a team, except you know, I'm I'm like doing weights and stuff. Okay, cool. So like it was a it was a beautiful thing, while also there was some some dark shit that came with it as well. For sure, right? And that's just like, okay, how tiny can I get? How how like muscly can I get?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Like just always this need to change the diets, the food, how many more programs, new programs can I buy? And it's like, oh man, we just gotta go inward. It's like really go inward to face like okay, what feels really like a fuck yes in your body? Like, we don't actually have to be working out as much. It's more of like our basics that like what movement feels good for your body? What makes you also feel like this is fun? Like, yes, what's fun for you? Like, not just like okay, I gotta go to the gym and like move, you know, and it's like we become robots in it.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Some people that I work with, like some women that I work with that are just you know in in that in in a way, you know, and and I think fun is like such an important part of life, and the more we can inject it into our day-to-day intentionally, just in like what we're doing with our lifestyle, like movement is a beautiful example, like the better. Yeah, yeah, 100%. So I'm curious, when did when did the shift start to take place for you? Right? So you were in that. Yeah, okay. So what happened?

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Girl, I went through like was it just like boom, and then you're like, I didn't do yoga, like pretty kind of. So it was during the whole pandemic time, and I was like just got a college, went for like the study of like the mind, human, and family development. So I really was studying around, like I it's fascinating to me, like how yeah, the the impact society we have, like from all of us, you know, like whether wherever you're coming from and the impact that happens. So that was like my main study. And then I went to personal training, study the br the body, and then as soon as I went to Costa Rica for my YTT, is when like I hit this just like boom, like life was just like shed, shed, you know, and like then I started going into like gut healing, which is a whole nother chapter, and like that was like a very lower place in my life around like it was very difficult. I had a lot of like body pain coming through that was like being held in there for years, um, yeah, like healing like ulcers in my gut, and um it was really hard. Like, I was just like not wanting to see the light the next day, mentally hard, physically challenging. I was in a relationship that just wasn't in alignment anymore. Um, so I was going through a lot of like level ups. It was like you know, big entire persona change is coming. So after I went to my YTT, I came back and like decided to lead the relationship, moved, got after it with yoga teacher training. I didn't just go into like a studio that like I wasn't like okay, like let's look at my studio hours and do this. I went all into the fun stuff. Like I did like retreats right away and festivals, and like I was like, fuck yeah, I'm doing this. Like, no, like I can do that. Like, you know, like I love holding space and like I'm like I'm not gonna go get locked into like a studio for like hours a week. I want to be like free still and also like create my life, and it was mixing in with like social media as well and creation. And yeah, so that was a fun chapter, and then it really flourished when I decided to leave the country.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Wow, like Costa Rico.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Um went to Mexico, so I left Arizona to go to Mexico and I lived in Tulum for two years, which was like we love her, we love Tulum.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I've been paid, I always thought I'd go back.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

I used to be Party Girl. Yeah, no, Sam. I've had the party chapter, but I wasn't party girl in Tulum. This was like more going in on Sedona and the journey. This is the Sedona. This is the portal of just like having the most magical healings and like, yeah, going from, like I said, being very masculine masculine in my fitness chapter to like the pendulum swinging to the whole other side of being like super in my femme to healing like the feminine side to like coming into a balance, which is like that was the journey.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

What helped you do that? There's so many women in their femme in their masculine, and maybe we can explain a little bit about what that is. Being in the masculine is kind of like existing in this energy where you're like, I gotta take care of myself, you know, and you it's kind of this go, go, go hustle culture. Um, very like it needs to make sense, um, having a lot of structure and control. Um yeah. What do you have anything else to add to that? Yeah, I'd love to.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Um for me, it was like when I got to the other side of it, it was just like realizing I didn't have trust in the masculine, whether it was like a physical form, like relationships or friends, and I had to have that in myself and also like got like the the duality of life of like trusting the physical force and the masculine energy that is like it's always gonna have my back, you know? So like we have this control and women that need to like we think we need to do like so much more, like make money, and it's like actually the magic's really slowing down and like the essence inside of our body, like we create life, yeah. Like after that chapter, you're just like okay, like yeah, like there's so much that can happen. But with women today, yeah, like a lot of us are I'm still in my masculine sometimes. Like it's good to have balance, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to have structure, we need to be slowy.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Yeah, we need to be able to access both, right? It makes sense. Like if you're doing business, it's like, of course, I'm gonna like step into a little bit more structure and logic and order in the in in that area, and then also, like you said, to be able to like drop in and change pace. Yeah, it's really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

It's not the easiest, but we we can get there, you know. It takes the work to just chest and to slow down a little bit. Like you're talking about your boundaries with in the morning your routines and your nighttime routines, and just like the little things fucking matter, like it is all in the small things of just like honoring ourselves.

unknown 11:18

Boom.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

How did you yeah? So how did how did that look for you? Like transitioning, like practically, like what changed?

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Yeah, it was definitely um a big challenge in ways of letting go of control, um, letting go of what I thought my reality was gonna look like, and also like being really open to life around like saying yes to a lot of things I thought I would not say yes to. So like, you know, random shit was coming up, trying new things, whether it was like my Tantra chapter or you know, like hosting a lot more new spaces, like literally traveling in Mexico as a woman by herself on like mopeds and just like trusting, you know, and like having some interesting situations. But it went from like being in my, like I said, like I went from like masculine to like super my feminine. So with that, it was like masculine was like, Yeah, every day I had a routine going to the gym, like doing my clients, like whatever, like having so much organization to just like having savings and just trusting, like let like literally had no plans to like where I was flying, where where where my Airbnb was, like everything switched before I even like left the country. So it was like really dropping into the unknown quiz like fully letting go of any type of control.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Was there any kind of like martra or anything you like you brought in like into the moment to help you?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Yeah, I I definitely had my chapters of like you know, high-fiving myself in the mirror and like you know, being a little Dululu and just like fucking creating my reality up here until it would happen. Um I I would I would say honestly, like grounding practices. Like I'm a very like disconnected in nature and my Pachamama's always had my back through all this, and like there's been moments of like holy shit, like what am I doing, you know, in the middle of different countries. And then there's moments where I'm like, Oh my god, I'm so happy I've been doing this. Um I would say as a woman, it wouldn't it wasn't necessarily mantras. I guess it would say like I would be like feel your emotions. That's been my biggest tool is like allowing myself to feel because that's been my biggest like compass and guide. Um, whether it's crying or raging or laughing, and yeah, like mantras are great and like being like, okay, you got this, and you know, have chat those like affirmational songs and stuff, but like truly, I think your emotions are gonna dictate where you're going. Because if you're holding them in, it's like you're gonna be stuck in a place that's you know, so it's like let that energy move. Exactly. I'm just like letting the energy move. When so I have like energy tattooed on my hand. I love it. Oh, wait, we got one in the back. Yeah, I have a cute hand tattoo.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

They're so similar. I love it. Sometimes, like, if I'm feeling a little bit uncertain, like I mean, I guess I've done a lot of identity work and reprogramming around like limiting beliefs, and then I I consciously bring things back to my awareness to be like, oh no, this is what we're living by, sis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and so it's like a couple of examples is like the answers arrive on time. Like, you actually you you want to know, and I get it, you want to feel safe with the answer that you think that's what it's gonna help you to feel safe, having that control of knowing what the outcome is gonna be, but there's meant to be some magic, there's meant to be some mystery like in life, right? And a lot of people are like, Oh, I need to know like where where am I gonna stay? Yeah, what like what what fucking country am I going to? Like, some people probably listen to this being like, What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Like they're getting anxious listeners. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

And like I get it, like it's a that's a little bit more of like a room, um, a little bit further on the spectrum of like trust and like really like just see where life kind of takes you back. Yeah, and like I I hear some people like talk about being like, God, I don't know what I'm doing next year. It's like you're not meant to know yet.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

I didn't know like a few weeks ago, literally what I was like who I was becoming, especially going through this monthly chapter. It was just like, oh my god, like I don't even know how I'm gonna want to show up. Like, do I want to be more of like a mom? Like, is that gonna be my new title? Like, known as like the mom who has like information, or which is it's a great title, but you know, yeah, it's just like we're constantly going through these deaths and rebirths, and like at the end of the day, it's like you just have to ride the wave, is my biggest thing. Is like, yeah, like you don't know where it's gonna take you. But my one of my favorite sayings actually is like you can't connect the dots looking forward, but when you look back, you can just connect all the dots. Oh, cool. I like that. Yeah, you can, you know, oh that scene made sense for this. Like it kind of connects, but like looking forward, you're like, I have no idea where these were what the heck?

SPEAKER_02 15:31

I don't know what's gonna and it's okay, like I think the the key piece in it is just make peace with that. Let that be what it is. Yeah, yeah. Everything is as it should be. Like, and if you don't know the answers, if it's unclear, if you want to know, it's okay. Like let it be, let it be that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Yeah, one thing I will share is like a deeper note that you guys can like dive into is if you're having such a hard time like letting grasp of like wanting to know or the reality or like the control. And like I just had to face that too. Like living in Guatemala was like not my first decision. Um so that was a big reality change of like where what's the what's the medicine in this? What's the magic? Why am I here? kind of thing, which turned out being a perfect place for birth and like the whole team here. Um, but that one was a hard one for me to like lose scrip on, and I think that's where we actually lose track of like seeing the magic in it interesting when we're like really trying to like oh but it was supposed to be this way, you know. So it's just like really just softening into like adaptation, yeah, you know, being a pro adapting to real whatever reality you're in, because at the end of the day, like we actually have no control, like we c it's kind of hilarious when we say we're we're controlling our lives because like when you just yeah, like there's no there's no control.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

So yeah, exactly. Hey, I want to I wanna circle back to um like feeling and expressing emotions because so many people have a really hard time with that, you know, like feeling the stuff that doesn't feel so great, right? I mean, uh I don't really like to say there's positive and negative emotions, there's just emotions, right? Yeah, and there's some that feel better than others, which is great, right? And I think like as a society, we've really been um taught not to feel the bad ones and not the bad ones, sorry, look at me saying that. Like taught the harder ones, yeah, the tougher ones. Like we've been taught to kind of avoid them and not go into them and and then fear them as a result as well. Yeah. So I wonder like when did you learn to feel? And when did you like actually allow that to be a process to kind of sink into the colour? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

I just remember being like a child of like insane emotions. Like I would have and I actually would process it a lot alone. Like it wasn't like my parents understood, and like we had this beautiful, like, okay, like let's go through this, you know. It was like, no, I'd find myself like in my room with all the blanks like over me and just like bawling or like having breakdowns, or like even in college, like hiking the mountain in the middle of my just like crying because that's where like my safe place was, you know. But I just knew I felt really so much better after like letting it out. Um when my dad passed away when I was 17, it was when I think I learned like the depth of grief, and like you know, grief is a vibr a vibration down here or emotion down here. I'm not gonna say yeah, good or good or bad, but the frequency a lot lower and emotion, yeah, yeah. It's heavy, um, it's deep. So like I didn't process that right away until probably Costa Rica's when I really got through it, but like the process of that for a few years was like very it was hard, it was a lot of pain. But I think, yeah, like I think just like my journey being someone who's been through a lot of very interesting things in my life and like hardships as we all have. I know I feel better after I fucking cry. And yeah, like I used to get into boxing a lot. That was like a big chapter during my processing with my dad was like boxing a lot of like the anger and like the frustration. And as women, like we get taught it's just like crying, like feel it. No, it's like no, I have fucking rage in me. Like, you know, like screaming a pillow and like learning this stuff feels good. And actually, as women, uh for us, like men have it too. We're all programmed some way to like not feel a certain emotion. But like as women, it's like rage is like it's healthy, you know, like love the rage in you, like honor that because it's also like fire in us to create, right? Passion, passion, and like for the masculine, like for them not to be able to like feel like emotion that's like that's so wrong, too. Like we come out as babies with all these emotions. So it's like why, like, how that how did we how do we do that? Yeah, it's like we've been taught to like this is acceptable, this is not acceptable. One quote that really like helped me, um, not helped me, it's just like something I love to share is like the bigger the stretch we have of pain, the bigger stretch of love we can receive. So that's something that I think we've lost too is the reason like we don't go as deep or feel as deep anymore, and it's like such a surface level love as well. Like the more pain you can experience, the more love and bliss. Like the spectrum's there for a reason, you know. Like, I think people are so scared of heartbreak or like feeling this stuff, but and forget that like on the other side of it is even like just as much bliss and oh yeah, you know, a Gazak State in all realms of whatever that was.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

There's so much medicine in it, right? Yeah, and it's character building. Yeah, you can't it's character building this shit, right? You're gonna be somebody different on the other side, somebody that's more aware, somebody that's more compassionate, somebody that's better resourced, you know, not only for yourself and the people that like the people that are around you as well. And it's like then from that place you're gonna attract connections where people can kind of meet you there, can see you, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:48

And you can go deeper there as well. Oh my god, yeah, it's like one of my favorite things that retreats or in life in general, and I just see people like being able to like let a cry out or express, and I'm just like yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Right, oh wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So what's been I mean, I might know this answer. This is a guess, but like what's been the what's been the biggest transition of life so far for you?

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yeah, I mean, physically, yeah, definitely having a child has been like the biggest transformation. Yeah, you know what's really interesting, become a mom, it's like do you feel like a mum in a in a way?

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Like it's funny, I'm like 31 and I'm like, I don't feel 31. I'm like, how can I be 31? Created the fun of you that's like, how can I be a mom? It's like you're holding this baby.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Yeah, I know there's that's definitely, yeah, 100% where I'm like, I still feel like young Sedona, kind of like I'm living in Guatemala, I'm like, this is my life, you know. And I'm like, wait, no, I'm creating this life. So it's like, and my daughter gets to experience it and like, you know, have this under her belt. So it's a real it's super trippy. Like, I'm still grounding into the reality of like, yeah, I'm a mom, but um it definitely was like the biggest transition I had to go through. Like reloving my body again because it's like, yeah, like the morphing and the magic our body creates, and and then the birth, and then like reloving my womb and Yoni, because it's just like you know, a whole different new version of them and of her. And um, yeah, the biggest transition though is just like actually I think this transition has brought me closer home to who I truly am.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Like I feel I yeah, how well I just got like yeah god, I want to cry.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Yeah, it it's been something coming through really strong with me, this retreat, too. Like everyone's always kind of calling me, like, oh like your mom, like you're such a mom, like your mom vibes. You're like a 24-year-old, but like mom vibes. Like, I always have the comments like that shit, like weird stuff, you know. And I'm like, what the heck? I'm just like, I just care. Like, I just like love holding space for people. I I always I was always a mom, especially in party girl age, you know, like even though I was I was fucking lit. It was just like I'm still like everything okay, like you want a shot, CD.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

You know, like I was like that. Anyone need to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. How are we doing in here? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Anywho, um, but I feel like this transition, like my daughters brought me yeah, like back more closer to who I'm like meant to be in this world. And one thing I'll show is like the craziest thing when I first felt felt her kick. It wasn't like a moment of like, wow, oh my god, like the baby just kicked. You know, it was like a deep knowing of it, like I felt this before. Oh like as a woman, like I literally I just like felt it happen in my body, and I was just like, Oh wow, wow, like I felt that. Yeah, I have a lot of gaze up on my legs too.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Hands are standing up.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Yeah. So yeah, I think just over this week too, like moving through the fear and mom guilt I had with just some, you know, a new identity and like having guilt around like having my kid on social media, which is like such a whatever, that's a whole nother topic. But like um, it's a topic that's important too because I feel like my medicine is here to help make positive change. And like we shouldn't like support the people who are like making us live in fear, and like, how are we gonna make a change in the world? Some people aren't gonna fucking stand up and lead from the front, right? Yeah, but yeah, like I think um this week I really I'm settling, I'm like, whew, like falling into this new, like, you know, life gets really shaken up, and then you're like, holy shit, like what's happening? And now I'm like, ah, okay, like I'm kind of like settling into Mama Sedona, like I really feel grounded in her. I feel yeah, like the the onion layers have been peeling off the last 10 years of finding who I'm who I am. And um, yeah, I feel very it just feels really good. It feels really right.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

I like I'm sensing this energy like through you, not I'm you know, when it's like when you're like I'm sending, you know, it's like it's like I'm sensing something in you, but it's like uh am I or is it just me just feeling something like by being in your presence, you know, about like women becoming a mother? And it's like it it really it like I don't know if I've got the right language to be able to do justice of what I'm desiring to express. It's kind of like it's like coming home in a way, you know? It's like ooh, ooh, this is this is this is sacred. Yeah, yeah, it's sacred. This is sh like and I don't think there are words. I've I've I've it's it's interesting. I feel like I've done some I've done some beautiful medicine journeys where I've really connected so deeply to the feminine and like felt like the different archetypes and like when I've tapped into the mother, I've just been like, ooh, the depth. Like I I feel like it really shifts your DNA and like the like really like changes shape of of your soul, like everything about you, like your energy is so like do you know what I'm everything girl?

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Yeah, I I I know you mean it's hard to put words to it. Yeah, and I had a lot of things. And it's really hard to put things that are like what you're trying to say uh into words. So like I'm sure the ones who are out there get it are getting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um but yeah, like putting trying to put words to it is just like I don't know. I think as women we have a deep nurturing sense all the time. And maybe not all of us express it to some degree. Maybe us may maybe feel disconnected or never perceived it. But like even when I was giving birth, there was a part of me that just like wanted to like scream out for my mom. Like, you know, it's just like that, like, oh, like, you know, like women literally create life, and like we're the ones who are birthing like all the children on this earth. So it's like it there's yeah, I I can't even put words into it. I haven't been, you know, a long enough. I mean, in this reality, it's only been so recent since I mean, like, there's years of mothers, like it's like the one of the first things we know for sure that's been happening.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

God knows who long, yeah, you know. With um with like your birth and going through labor and like giving birth to your baby, was that like was that kind of like a ceremony and like a medicine experience? Kind of girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

It was it was more than I can ever. Yeah, oh my god, yeah. Um well, just to give context, I did do a full at-home like natural birth, and we did no checkups, no doctors throughout the whole entire journey. So like it was full on trust and like surrenderance and in God's hands and like trusting my body. And it was funny, I thought like the whole time it was gonna be like a ceremony, like just the labor, you know. But like as soon as we knew we were pregnant, which was like right away when we conceived, I knew like I felt the like light activation with like the sperm and negative. I just like knew I was pregnant. Yeah. So since that moment it was a ceremony because as soon as that thing you have a shift in your mind, like I'm pregnant, I'm gonna have a kid, you know, like this changes like everything in your like way of thinking and like doing it, everything. So that was a ceremony for nine months. I was going through so many healings and layers. I remember there was a few times I've been like cried and like screaming in this Temis Calavar is like you know, like really just like letting her out, talking about releasing your emotions and like deep like traumas that I thought I faced in like independent Sedana chapter, and it was like coming through, and just especially being in like a conscious relationship with my partner, Dakota. Just like we're very, you know, mirrors to each other and communicative, so like we are all about like allowing ourselves to express, and um, so yeah, it was a ceremony like for nine months, and then the actual labor itself. I actually had a really short labor, it was two and a half hours really fast, but really intense. It was all gas and no breaks, and um, as soon as my water broke, it was just like baby wanted to come out. Um, a lot of like my eyes were closed like the entire time, and like while like the pain just like intensifying, like it is for sure a ceremony. Like, if you can't surrender, which I think is one of the biggest things, if I could give any possible like future mom or any woman who's maybe thinking of a unmedicated, like more natural birth, if you're not like open to surrendering, just like you would be in any type of medicine ceremony, is like what's your journey gonna be like, right? Very like a lot of restriction, like confusion, maybe like a hard trip or like resistance, resistance, yeah, like and not allowing yourself to like fully like go, right? So until you can get there with like birth, like Decoto was like a godsend of just like his voice, like guiding me and like doing a little sacred tobacco, like around like clearing energy, and it was like so beautiful. I think my biggest thing that got in the way of like fully surrendering was like definitely I was still like very connected to the pain versus like welcoming it and like just kind of like allowing myself to the fully leave my body. It wasn't up until probably like 30 minutes until like I had the baby that I was like not there anymore. Yeah. Um I guess it came so quick, yeah. You know, my body was like shaking and it was just like wow, like this is like a nervous system shock, of course. And it is for underneath birth, but like, but there was no no breaks at all.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

I was at one point literally like, can I take a nap? Like, I'm so tired, you know. Like we put pause, like laughing to myself, like, yeah, just we'll come back to this.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Give me 45. Yeah, oh my god. So biggest ceremony yet. And I would say, yeah, like I don't know if like I would I've been who knows if any other bigger like ayahuasca I've never done even sat with her, but any ceremonies, like, yeah, I think birth was the top one, and um it transformed me for sure. I was in the stars when she fully came through. I I remember like being inside of my body, like it was like I felt like my eyes went woo, and like I just saw her like coming out, like I knew it was time. And like my midwife was like, I can check.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

And I'm like, no, like I know it's coming.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Yeah, and like but yeah, like it was I literally like just saw her going through like the vaginal canal walls, which was like wild, and yeah, we've we're we have very powerful beings, and we can take that thresh of pain, and I think that's like another thing to it. Like, we need to learn to express like pain in our hearts to fully be able to express like full pain in our bodies too. Like, we can take so much pain. We the world makes us think band-aids, we just band-aid covered everything, you know. So it's like now we're tough as we're we're tough. Yeah, we're made for it, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

You know, so oh my gosh, I'm literally writing a book. Um, it and it's code you were made for this. You were built for this. Ah, similar to it. Yeah, I'm not writing it yet, it just kind of came through. It's coming through.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Well, yeah, we're gonna honor that. Yeah, we're built for it, girl. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Would you say it was a spiritual experience?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Yeah, big time. The whole time we made it a spiritual experience. We treat life as like a ceremonial time. Like Dakota and I are finding gratitude and praying and like thanking God every day. And um yeah, like you know, as soon as our pregnancy started, it was like we did like uh, you know, asking the land for permission to be here and like offering things to the land. We had locals come and do ceremony with us, like blessing my belly and doing any cleansing. That's beautiful. Um we had altars up the entire time, you know. Anytime like little pictures or any of our angels, like my dad and like family members, and um like praying to if anything were to come up, like releasing our fears to the fires a lot. We had fire ceremonies, so like there was a lot of ceremonies happening through the whole ceremony. Um, and it was very spiritual, and I am definitely a spiritual person, like a very grounded, humble spiritual person. I don't know shit, but I do know that um just allowing myself to fully experience the entire ceremony how I did was the most spiritual experience I could have because like uh it's a literal death and life portal.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Like I'm dying and a baby's being born to come alive, so it's like that, yeah, it's like life and death in one the reason I said the reason I was asking about that um is because I think there's a there's a lot of women that I I guess are probably listening to this that um are into like curious about spirituality and like getting into like crystals and like angel cards and like you know doing little bits and pieces and and I think there's probably some women also listening that are mums, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:12

That have been through childbirth and be like, holy like what was it, but can't necessarily like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

And I guess I kind of wanted to bring that bring that conversation forward and be like, sis, you probably just had like the cre well you did like you had like a crazy spiritual experience of like an awakening in sorts, for sure, you know, through childbirth, definitely connecting with the cosmos in that um, yeah, you know, there's levels of sp spirituality, of course. What does it mean to you? Because I love I love to talk about this because I think I think it can be a very airy, fairy thing for some people. It's like for sure. Yeah, you know, it's like what what does it mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Yeah, to me, it means just like I think my like tag is soulful Sedona, you know. Like I said, I meant I mentioned I flatlined and I was in second grade, and like I still to this day I'm like, I need to go more into that part of my life to like connect to whatever journey I went on, but like since that day in my life, I've always been able to just like be a loving being no matter like how shitty. Like I've always been able to alchemize like the situation to be like a like good feeling, right? Not until I went to Costa Rica and like my yoga tricero training was not like very physical, it was like ceremonies after ceremonies, and it like it was amazing, but it was a lot, but it really skyrocketed me into like my spirituality. Um, and of course, I did have my chapters of like you know, more crystals or like cards, and I still love those tools, but they're not like it doesn't mean you're spiritual, they're tools to tap into spirituality or maybe help be like a little car to the road. Yeah, um, but I think spirituality to me is just knowing that everything is interconnected, and mushrooms has been a big, big tool for me to connect to you know, all um can we even put really words to what spirituality is, right? It's a hard way.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Um I like to kind of think of it and as like a connection to self. Exactly. And like going in and like going in deep. I think that again there's layers to all of this, all of this stuff, you know? And I think like an invitation to anybody that's listening and that's curious and know that there's something more and doesn't really know what direction to kind of go in. There's gonna be something in your awareness. There's gonna be absolutely something in your awareness right now that you're like, maybe I should do that. And it might be a retreat. Oh yeah, it might be a retreat, you guys. It might, it might be, it might be a course, it might be working with someone, it might be a fucking ecstatic dance or a breath work change.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

It could be literally quitting your nine to five and saying, fuck it. And my voice inside told me to do that, but that's what I'm trusting.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Yeah, it might be that. It might be that, it might be, it might be something that doesn't make sense. Like when I moved to Costa Rica, you know, like that didn't make sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

Things that don't make sense make the most sense at the end of the day. Yeah. Um yeah, I guess like what you're saying and just reflecting is like the biggest tool that has connected to my spirituality is like my inner compass, my inner key, the golden keys, your intuition. Like that is, I would say, like you said, yeah, like yourself. Like you think the world outside that we're looking at is like, wow, so much, right? But let's go to the world like inside, because there's even more and so much more. And like, you know, people think we're crazy for the voices you hear, or like whatever, but it's like that's just like source, God, you, your wisdom, yeah, every yeah, definitely too. Um, so how do we humble ourselves and like shh, you know? Yeah, um, but yeah, I think spirituality is just like tapping into more trust and not being in control of just trusting, like letting go, letting go.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

And yeah, following those little whispers. Yes. From within. I love that you say the golden keys. That's nice. I kind of call it like an invisible thread. Yeah, the thread, that's a good one. It's just like, uh, doesn't make sense. I just know that that's the direction I've got to go in. And again, remember, you we spoke about this earlier. You don't need to know. No, yeah, you don't need to know.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

It's the best, it's actually really fun not knowing. Yeah. Um, once all I will share with you guys just because, like, you know, it's how like some people are like, how do you connect your intuition? It's just like, yeah, like, what is that, right? Like we talk about it a lot, but it's like, well, first of all, I gotta make sure like people's your my mind is clear because depending on what intuition you're listening to. Yeah. Um, but I'm a oh my gosh, I'm a generator and I respond by like I had to feel. And my biggest like learning was to like I just take a breath. Breath is the biggest thing here is like literally slowing down and honestly just like say, like, okay, like, do I want to go to the lake today? Like instantly I'm like, no. But if I'm like, oh like maybe it is really pretty over there, like, yeah, I guess you know, a bunch of people are going. Like, why am I why are you talking, like, why am I talking myself into that? My body said no. So, like, the biggest thing is like listening to that first inner voice that you hear. So it's like anytime you're going through something, a big decision, or like I always just ask you to like come back to yourself and like just ask, like, literally have conversations with yourself and listen and feel and feel because the more we go to outside people, it's really funny. It's like, hey, like, do you think we should go to late today? And if you're like, oh, like yeah, and no, yeah, like actually no. I'm I'm like, okay, cool, like me either, but if you're like, yeah, I'm like, fuck, like I don't want to go, but like you know, it's like we know, we know you already know. So like, yeah, you already know, and just like trust that like voice right away. The more that you practice honoring your truth inside is the more powerful you're gonna become in your own and connecting to your truth inside, right?

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Like you said, I think it's a very easy like, and especially if like depending on what your childhood was like, you might have been taught to always ask for permission, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Yeah, and that could have been a pattern that's carried on, and you're still doing that today. Yeah, people pleasing, or like, yeah, who's the weirdo on me? I don't know, we're gonna push her to the side, you know. It's like like there's so much, so many layers to it that we have to work through.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

And we support your journey, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Yeah, so it's like I love, I love what you said. It's something tangible. It's like bring your awareness down into your body, slow your breathing down, relax, and then ask yourself and kind of go with that first answer and like feel into it too. Like play with the energy. It's like, oh, does it does the the idea of going to the lake? Like a yes, does that feel good? Notice how your body feels, like notice if it's relaxed, if it's open, and if it's like uh if it lacks you up, if it makes you feel lower, it's just like that's that's probably honor that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Honor it, girl.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Yeah, oh my god, yay. Oh, I feel like there's been so so many like juicy little nuggets in this conversation. I'm so glad that we've been able to do it. Sedona. Me too. How can everyone find you? Tell us.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, well, tag is soulful Sedona, and yeah, I uh I'm uh like I said in the beginning, multidimensional human. I have just like so much I can give and share. Find me on Instagram if you're really wanting to come and meet in person. We also have a beautiful retreat center that we're at, My Sha Valley. Um, and we host a lot of retreats here, hosting a woman's retreat in August. So if everyone does feel called, would love to chat at you about that. It's be so life-changing, and you can connect your intuition there for sure.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Um, and so many in 2027, also.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah, no, this is just you know, bioculture has been going for two years now. We've hosted 25 retreats.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

So that's amazing. It's been a that's an amazing essay.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Big portal, so much gratitude for this journey. And yeah, we'd love to have you guys make magic. I'm here to hold space, I'm here to help you grow. Yeah, and yeah, I would love to connect to you guys. So it's been really nice to have you. And Ellie, it's been good to connect with you. I've really enjoyed your presence here, and it's been again so nice to have you with Ami and like your little help and your sprinkle of ray of sun. You are you're such a beautiful soul and human. I love Australians as well. Like, I was telling Dokon, I'm just like, oh, there's always just something about like beach bait Australians, like, god damn. They just have like this essence. So it's been really nice that you've been here and listen, interested. And yeah, we're I'm happy for us for this friendship now. Make sure like, yeah, this is just the beginning. So this is until we'll see the magic, but next time. Yeah, thank you for having me. Yeah, thank you. Hopefully, you guys got some good tips and medicine out of this.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

Yeah, hopefully there's been like a little bit of inspiration and it sparked something. Yeah. Whatever was meant to land landed. That's what I heard. If it's stuck, it's dick. So yeah, perfect. Thank you. Thank you.