Episode 22: Intensity Fades

I get honest about why I have not been on the mic, then use that as a doorway into what actually creates lasting change. We break down why motivation fades, why relapse cycles happen, and how identity-based habits help you stay consistent even when life gets messy. 
• how intensity can start change but rarely sustains it 
• why small daily reps beat big dramatic overhauls 
• the three reasons people change: external pressure, pain, identity 
• how pain-driven progress can create a relapse cycle 
• how to use structure, programming, and community without becoming dependent 
• “future self” thinking as the most durable source of motivation 
• practical identity statements for food choices, workouts, and consistency

Transcript

Why I Went Quiet

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the 1% better podcast with your host, Josh Williams. It has been a hot, hot minute since I have uh hopped on the mic. So just been busy. That's a really dumb excuse. Just haven't it's not that even I haven't wanted to. It's more that I have prioritized other things that were easier in the moment. Even though I get way more joy out of the 10, the 15 minutes of doing this, I have chosen other things with that time that I could do instead. So what's being honest and vulnerable this morning with why I haven't done it?

Catalysts That Spark Change

SPEAKER_00 0:44

And that kind of leads into today's topic, really talking about what are the catalysts of change and how to get change to stick. And this kind of hit me a little bit with this idea that's kind of in my brain over the last couple weeks. And then I read something about what the three levels of change in the sense of what actually the reasons why people start to change. And there's only really one of those that actually sticks long term, which we'll talk about today. But it was kind of interesting to me that I was thinking of like, you know, we use certain events as fuel for change. So, for example, a doctor told me I have to change or I'm gonna die. And you're like, holy crap, I gotta get on, I gotta get my shit together and you go do it, or my spouse has been on me to change. Or, you know, sometimes we get this big rush of motivation or or we're scared, and so we put all this fuel, we sign up for a gym membership, we work out really, really hard, and we're doing it for like three weeks, four weeks, five weeks, whatever, and it's doing pretty good, and then we just stops, just drops off. The motivation's gone, it's it's it's not there anymore. And we kind of wonder why. And so understanding that what these all are are this kind of the line that kind of stuck with me is like the idea of this intensity fades over time. This

Intensity Versus Daily Reps

SPEAKER_00 2:05

ignition to go and do something fades over time. And we have to kind of recognize that these big moments, though they're memorable and it sounds cool, they they will fade. And the more that we can move from using intensity, pain, or pressure, so external things to to push us and make them more internal, or this idea has kind of stuck with me. Intensity fades versus the identity persists. Who you are, who you want to be is the thing that persists the whole time. And so that's kind of the big thing. So understanding the mechanism for change is really, really what we call small choices over time, continuing over and over again. And so the reality is rarely does an overhaul actually create lasting change. It's really the unglamorous daily reps, choosing the decision that is best for my future self every single day. And so the kind of the core you know, tension here is you know, big move, big moments in life, these these sexy big firework moments that are like, ooh, how exciting. They're high in intensity, but they're low in durability. It's it's exciting and it goes away. It's a the thrill of a roller coaster, it's intense, um, super stimulated, and then it lulls down. Versus the small action, they're they're low intensity. It's like, okay, I did that, but they're high in durability. I keep doing that and I keep doing it, I keep making that choice. And then, and so that's what the other issue is it's working against us, it's it's part of us, is these big intense moments. It feels like progress. That was really hard. I just overcame a really hard workout. So therefore, it must be really good. When in reality, the consistency, doing the consistency, consistent work consistently is where the real change happens. And it's real work. It's it's it's hard. Anything that we become good at is hard. If you're really, really good at your job, it probably hasn't been easy the whole time. You've probably had to actually hunker down and work at it, study, practice the craft. You know, being a good parent, being a good husband and wife, you know, all those things have taken work if you wanted to truly be good at them. But the beautiful thing with a lot of those, though, if you recall back, the first couple moments might have seemed exciting and spark and all that. They got you going. And so that's not a bad thing. This ignition of excitement isn't bad. What happens is if we're solely relying on that, that spark to get a for to could carry us the whole way. You know, one of the analogies people will use is like a rocket ship uses the most fuel in the beginning to get it up and going, and then it uses less. I guess then the analogy kind of fades away because I guess they're in outer space, and you know, I guess it gets kind of pulled along by gravity. I don't really I'm not a rocket engineer by any means.

Three Reasons People Change

SPEAKER_00 5:06

So but the three levels of of change though I wanted to go over, and this is kind of the one I was reading about that kind of really hits me. So, like, why are we changing? Um, and that has a really, really impactful of like how successful research will actually show that there's only one reason that you will you can succeed in change. So what when when you're working with addicts or other other other things is can can you beat something? And the answer is yes. But the reason for why you're choosing to beat it has to be grounded in the right place. And and I'm not saying like weight loss or this and that has to do with anything with addiction, but they're all changes, they're all making a choice that we're not currently doing right now. And so there's three levels I think that you can apply to to like anything, especially when it comes to your fitness journey. So level one is the weakest. So this is what we call external change. This is changing because somebody told you to. This could be a spouse, a doctor, a boss. And this is essentially just pure pressure, or you know, my wife is told me I need to lose some weight, so I'm gonna go to the gym. Or my doctor, you know, looked at my health insurance. Okay, I'm gonna die, I'm not gonna meet. So you really need to start exciting. Like, okay, well, probably should. They're an authority figure, I love them. But you have no real intrinsic to do it outside of like this pure pressure. Like, I should do this. People expect me to do this, and so that will get you started, but most likely you won't uh stick with it. The next level, or I won't even say level, but reason. So it better is like a reason for change because it's not like this is any better. I I mean, in some ways it is, is what we call pain or rock bottom. So to make the action that you want to take relieves the discomfort that you are currently in. So I saw a picture of myself in the mirror, and I did not like how I looked, and I need to do something about it. And so that hurts. And so now I am going to work out, I'm gonna lock in on my nutrition because that I did not like. And you do it, you start feeling good, you start seeing some results, and then it drops away. Because why? Because the pain was no longer pain anymore. You felt good, and then we went back to our old habits. And this is what we call like a relapse cycle, right? So, I mean, I was super motivated, I did it. The pain was at a high threshold, I had to do something about it, I did something about it, and then it subsided. And then it came back, it came back again. And so this is what we call like a relapse cycle. This is a is actually a stronger motivator because there is a side of you that wants to actually do it. You don't want to be in this spot, but you're gonna get stuck in a cycle. Then the third reason is the one that gives you the highest shot of actually succeeding and breaking through all of this. And that's gonna be uh what we call identity or future self. We are changing for our future self. We are changing for the person that we want to become. We don't want to be the person that we are right now. I want to be this person. And so you're actually changing for you. Um so it's internal, it's coming from your your from within. And this is the most durable source. And so anytime we're trying to change, we've got to change the stick, we really need to progress it to that level. If we want it to stick. Now, there's other things like in a level, like a like a number two

Using Structure Without Dependence

SPEAKER_00 8:32

that we can do. We can create structure, we can create programming, we can create community. And that's some of the things that we even do as Sperling for our gym. We create a place to make it easier to do that. But where we don't want to lock in is like we are so dependent on the structure that if you took that structure away, I would immediately go back to what I was doing before because I haven't learned how to do it myself. I'm relying heavily on the structure. I'm just leaning against it. And if you took it away, I'm falling right over. And so, really, you want to get to level three, or again, the reason that I'm doing it is for my future, my future self. So I'm learning ways to not I can use that structure, I can use that to to get me going, but I can also at the same time, if the structure went away, I can you know learn how to think and do things on my own. I can make those correct food decisions, I can, you know, I can decide to exercise, even if I'm away on vacation. Like those little things, like I have the structure and I'm home, but even when I'm away, I can I can still choose to do that. So that's what we need to move to as soon as possible. We want the changes to stick is like this is actually who I want to be, this is who I want to become. And so the goal is, yeah, we can use other people's pressure, we can use hit and rock bottom or pain or discomfort, like I always have back pain, I don't want to have this to take action. But then those actions that we need to take to stay in that space that needs to become the like I am the person that does my core exercises every day so that my back doesn't hurt. That is that is a part of my identity. It is something that I that I do. I eat protein at every meal and I like it. And it also just so happens to help me with my muscle mass and I get fuller, so I don't overeat. So these become part of our

Judgy Jeans And The Relapse Cycle

SPEAKER_00 10:10

change. So again, using kind of like an example to kind of walk us through that. So I think weight loss is always a big one because people always say that I don't like weight loss. So I'm gonna go with what we call body composition chain or Tony. I want to fit better in my pants. I got my Judgy jeans. I was joking with somebody. I have two pairs of jeans. They're both 34. One pair stretches, the other pair doesn't. There's a pair that stretches are good friends, they lie to me, they make me feel good about myself, and then I got my judgy jeans. If I want the truth, I will put those on and they will give me the truth. And so I don't know if everyone else has those, but I do enjoy my lying jeans, though. They make me feel good about myself. But I know they're lying, so I kind of resent them. How does it work? Because, man, I need, I need to tone up a little bit. Okay. I don't feel comfortable. My pants, I really want to get to wearing my my my good friends that tell me the truth, my judgy jeans again. Okay, what do I need to do? Well, I need to assess where I'm at. So, do I why do I want to make this change? Well, right now I want to make this change because I'm uncomfortable and I don't like it. So I want to get out of that space so I feel comfortable again. Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to the gym, I'm gonna start working out again two, three days a week. I'm gonna get out for my walks again, stop sitting so much, and you know, I'm gonna start planning. I'm gonna have my breakfast consistently, I'm gonna have my plan my lunches and I'm gonna plan my dinner, and then I'm not gonna snack in between, I'm not gonna eat anything after dinner, I'm gonna do this. I'm doing it, you know, I'm tracking it, I'm feeling good. And if I just use that structure and rigidity, I am going to get better. But the second I get tired, my kids kept me up all night, had a hard, stressful day at work, I was on the road all day. I just need something to eat. I'm gonna treat myself. I deserve this. And then it doesn't stop there. Then that's the next day and the next day. Now it's like two days in a row of been eating after supper again, getting snacks. And so the structure now is broken down. And versus what we need to start doing is I'm making these decisions for my future self. This is how I eat. This is what I do. I have protein at each meal. I do not eat snacks after supper. And so these are these are rules, but they can also be identity things like this is what I do, this is who I am. I am somebody that does these things and these actions. And I want to do these things. I don't find them restrictions, I actually find them freeing because now I feel really good about myself. I have I have good energy about myself. And I'm not constantly having to think about these decisions. It's just like I just don't do that. And and I and I know what I don't actually get drive a lot of value from it. I realize that I just do it because I I want, I can do it. But just because I can do it doesn't mean I want to. So we start having these conversations of like, we don't need this. And so the more that we can do that, the more likely we're going to succeed for the long, the long haul. And I hope we can kind of see is also how we can get stuck in this kind of spiral is you know, I, I, I'm rigid, and then something, something in our life will will break it. And then we'll we'll go back. We'll slip back, and then crap, we catch ourselves, and we go again, we try to go again, we slip back. And the more it can be, I'm doing this for that future self because I want to do. I'm not just doing these actions to remedy this pain. I'm doing these actions because they're who I want to become. Hopefully that makes sense.

Building Your Future Self Identity

SPEAKER_00 13:19

So thank you all. This is probably one of my longer podcasts. Actually, not as long. I just looked at it. It's just about 15 minutes. So still relatively short for a podcast, but long for me. So hopefully you got some uh nuggets out of that again. Pain isn't bad. Peer pressure isn't bad. Use that as fuel to get going. But recognize that I am motivated to do this right now. I want to do this. Is this something I want to do long term? Or is this something in the moment? Because if I want to do this long term and get the results from this long term, I need to slowly go. Who am I? Who is Josh? Or who are you, this future self I want to build towards? Then who are they? What do they do? So the faster we can move to that internal motivation that I'm doing it for me and for nobody else. I'm not even doing it for pain to escape pain or discomfort. I'm doing it for me, the more likely you're gonna succeed. And and to wrap this all into a weird bow is it's all work. It's not easy. Sorry to burst the bubble. It's it's still work. To to get the you know, the beauty of Mount Everest, I don't actually know if it's beautiful or not, but to to summit it, it's it's a lot of work. And like anything you've had to do to become good at, to create change, it's a lot of work. Know that regardless in life, you're always gonna change. Every day something is gonna change. Every decision you make is gonna create a change. And it's is it the change that you want to be making? Or are you going to the self that you you're gonna be happy to be in a couple years, or are you gonna be the self that you are now or something different? And so just kind of know that, you know, sometimes you're like, yeah, I get it, whatever. And sometimes that's like, oh yeah, that's super motivating. But just know that it's not always gonna be motivating. It's doing the work and it's reminding myself of who do I want to become. And you know, I actually really like these actions and I like the feeling of this. And I want to keep doing that. I have to keep reminding myself of who I want to become, not who I am now. So hopefully that's helpful or just insightful, and you don't have to do anything with it. But thank you all so much, and I hope you have a fantastic day, and talk to y'all soon.