Cheat Codes - Honesty without punishment

This “Cheat Code” is about honesty without punishment. Not confessions, not walking on eggshells, just being able to say what you feel in real time without it turning into a problem. I talk about how a lot of us were raised to suppress our thoughts, how that shows up in relationships, and why I need a partner who can hear me, ground me, and not make honesty feel unsafe. Because if I can’t be real with you, what are we even doing?

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

T codes, che codes, teat codes, a cheat code, che codes, it's a cheat code. Something that's really important to me in a relationship is the space to be honest without fear of repercussion. Right? And I'm not talking about like telling them myself, like, oh babe, I got a confession. I'm saying, like, hey, this is who I am, this is what I like, this is what I want, these are the thoughts that I have. Hey, this is the thought that I had Thursday when I was on the way to work. Hey, this is the thought that I have right now after you piss me off. Hey, this is what I'm thinking right now. I want to be able to tell you that. And as long as I'm not calling you out your name or yelling at you or being like aggressive, I want to be able to express how I feel without fear of um being punished for. Um that's like a big deal for me. Um, I think maybe part of growing up in the black household, you kind of have this idea, you know, don't talk back. You know, you're kind of raised on that, don't talk back. Oh, that's still your mama kind of thing. And there it sets this theme that even if you know, even if there's something deep down in your spirit that t that is telling you something's wrong or something is off, um, and you want to shed light on it, there's a lot of people who are more comfortable being delusional. And I love a oh God, I love a little dululoo, you know? But at some point, you know, um you need someone that you can have those real conversations with. Um, and you're not the only one initiating them. Because being the teacher is is it can be exhausting, you know, and some relationships where the dynamic is like, okay, there's a leader and then there's, you know, submissive and things like that. I understand that to a certain degree, but you should be able to learn something from the person that uh you were spending copious amounts of of time with, you know. And um, so like I said, for me, transparency is a is a big deal. I want you to hear all the crazy ideas and all the thoughts that I have and the wild analogies that I use and still say, okay, you know what, I don't agree. I hear you, you know, you're allowed to be confused, even if you want to, but I don't want to be be punished because you're supposed to be my safe space. And if what I'm saying is too far-fetched, okay, you can hear me out, but you can also um ground me in a way. And I don't mean like humble me, I mean like ground me and like, okay, that's that's a thought. Um how can we incorporate a little just like just a little bit of reality, just a little bit of something tangible that we can kind of start with. Because I see your big grand idea and I see the vision. I hear the vision, but like I need you to baby walk me to the vision a little bit, to paint the picture for me a little bit better. So let's start with something that's a little bit more grounded, um so that I can kind of meet you where you're at. You know, I love that. That is like a that is like the biggest fucking turn on for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Like, there's nothing, like I said, there's nothing more addictive than a woman who is strong where you were weak.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

And um as dominant as I am, as much of a daddy father figure I have been, um God, there is just something incredibly sexy about that to me.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

And yeah. Um I'm learning based off of more recent experiences that um that I like that. I like that a lot.