EP12: From the Heart | The Power of Choosing and Refining Your Identity & Why Every Step Counts

Your life path does not have to be a straight line. That feeling of being "behind" or having a disjointed journey is a common struggle—but it might simply be a sign that you have a multi-faceted purpose, one that branches out like a strong, deep-rooted tree. 

In this week’s philosophical yet grounded episode, we explore why embracing a non-linear path is crucial to long-term fulfillment. We discuss: 

• The difference between a linear purpose (the straight line) and a branching purpose (the tree). 
• The immense freedom of knowing that every choice leads to essential learning and the refinement of your true self. 
• How to find the things that source and fill you up, transforming you from someone waiting into someone choosing. 

Ready to validate your unique life journey? 

Chapters

• 0:00 I Can Still Make Cheyanne + Choosing Yourself
• 5:42 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Validation
• 11:27 Finding Your Own Path and Purpose

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

There are moments in life that split us open. Quiet unravelings, sudden breaks, or truths we didn't know we needed until we had no choice. This podcast is about those moments. It's about the turning points that change us. The things I wish someone had told me that I only understand in looking back. Come on in. You belong here, and we're gonna talk about all of it. I'm your host, Natanya, and this is what I didn't know. Before we begin, a quick note. This podcast explores themes such as mental health, addiction, trauma, and recovery. While the stories here are honest and heartfelt, they're not a substitute for professional advice, therapy, or medical treatment. Please listen with care and pause anytime you need to. Take whatever resonates for you and leave the rest. Every so often I sit down to record something just for you. A short reflection, no script, no guest. It's where I share what I've been thinking about lately, straight from the heart. Alright, so I have recorded this episode like five times already, and I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. I think maybe because it's a song interpretation, and I keep going on tangents with it that I don't mean to, but we're gonna try again and see if this sticks. So I want to talk about a song today. Interpretation of music is always just that. It's just the way that I felt something and wanted to talk about the psychology behind it and why I think it's important. And the song I want to talk about is I Can Still Make Cheyenne by George Strait. And the specific point of this that I want to get into is if you haven't heard the song, there is a woman at home and she gets a phone call from her partner, who is a man who is a cowboy that lives the rodeo life. So he is gone off on the road, doing his thing, chasing his dreams, and she is at home. And when she picks up the phone, he says, you know, I didn't make this round. I'm gonna come home. And he's been gone for however long. And her response is essentially, don't bother. This life isn't working for me. I found someone new who doesn't live that life and I'm gonna go follow that. And when she says that, then his response is I'm I'm really gonna miss you. But if I hurry, I can still make Cheyenne. Like I can still go make the next rodeo. And so what I love about this is because you have someone who's following his purpose, his dream. And where this gets misconstrued a little bit is a lot of the times the person who's at home will think and believe that if they were enough or if they were more or if the person loved them enough that they would change and they would come home. And that's not true. It like he could love her more than all the stars in the sky, and he's still not gonna give that up because it's part of who he is. And in fact, asking him to do that would be a really big disservice because for him to abandon that part of himself that is crucial to his identity would do him some damage because it would be an internal battle that he then had to face, even if he did come home, because he lost a part of himself. And not only did he lose it, he gave it up from something that he loved. And so then who he becomes when he's at home not following his dream is often altogether a different version of himself because of that cut that he made, really. And so what I want to talk about is finding something that is yours, right? We talk about purpose, which is it can be a big word, it can be overwhelming. I think it gets misconstrued sometimes, like that there's this one thing that you're here to do and you have to find it. And if you don't find it, you're done for, you know, or you're lost. And I don't think that's true. I do think that we're all here for different reasons. I think that those reasons can change over time. Your purpose at one stage of your life might be different than in another stage of your life. My mom is a good example of this. When she was younger, I do think part of her purpose, just from what I know about her, was being a mom. And as her life changed and her children became adults, you don't get to live into that purpose the same way you did when they were young. And so I think she's changed her purpose, what she does now, and how she fulfills her time in her life. And she had a career that changed later in life and then has recently retired and now fills her days with all sorts of projects and other things that she has going on, other ideas for whatever the desire she had that she has that pulls her forward. But that is changed from what it was when she was 30. And I think that we all have different variations on this. I think it can be your purpose can be more general and it can be something to the effect of maybe it's working with kids. And for other people, it can be more specific. Maybe it's working for with second graders who are bilingual. That's what really lights you up. And it can change over time, but also the level of which you take it is your own choice. So if you if you want to work with kids and you want to volunteer or you wanna, you know, work in your local town, like you can work with kids that way. You can also build a business that works with kids and take it to a much higher level where you have brick and mortar buildings in multiple states across the United States and multiple cities. And that you're still either of those choices are still under the umbrella of what your purpose is. It just kind of gives you that free will of what you want to do with it. But I had spent some time in Bali a couple years ago and had the most interesting conversation with a Vedic astrologer. So I I made an appointment to go see him. I don't know anything about Vedic astrology. I don't know how it's different than Western astrology. I just what I really wanted was to have someone read my chart, like in person. I had just never done that, and I wanted to have that experience. And so I made an appointment with him, and the only information he had of mine before I walked in the door was my birth date, the time of day that I was born, and the location, the city in which I was born. And that was it. And so I have no idea what to expect. We sit down, I don't say anything, and he just starts talking about he's reading pages and pages and pages of what appears to be in, you know, numbers and letters and things on a map that don't look like anything to me. But he is reading that and he starts telling me about my past, and it is incredibly accurate for someone who doesn't know anything about me. And he was like, you know, around this age, you would have had a really big relationship fall apart. And it was when I got divorced. Um, so things like that. And he did that a couple different times and in more specific ways. We talked about that. And what that does is validate that he knows what he's talking about, that he's reading something and that he's accurate. And so from there, once you have that validation and I know that this is real and we're in we're in something right here, then he can move to the future. And so what he did after that was he was like, What do you want to know? And I said, Well, um, and at the time of which I was in Bali, I was pretty clear by this point of what direction I was going in. It may not be all specifics, but just kind of the general area of life that I wanted to move into and what I wanted to do while I was on this earth. I'm I was pretty sure about that, but I wanted to see what he had to say. And so I said, I want to know about purpose. And I told him just that that I'm pretty sure I know things, but I just want to know what you see and if I'm close to being accurate to what I think I'm here to do, just from you know what I've learned in all of my years and time and effort on this earth. And so he starts looking at my chart and gets really quiet. And then he looks at me and he goes, You know, some people have like a straight line seeming in who they are, in their purpose or what they want to do. So say someone's a chef and they like to cook when they were a kid. In high school, they loved cooking classes. In college, maybe they went to culinary school and then had opportunities to work in restaurants under the study of a chef, and then later become an executive chef at some great restaurant or something like that. And so they go in a straight line. And I'm like, yeah. He goes, You're not like that, um, which is not shocking to me. But it was really beautiful to have someone validate what I already thought that I knew. And he said, You're more like a tree, where you have a the trunk, the foundation, and the area of the thing that you want to create and be a part of will be solid and you're gonna stay in that sort of same realm. But you'll have these big branches that go off in different directions because there's more than one thing that you're gonna want to pursue. And all of this is good. It's just a different way of functioning than the chef that's in the straight line. And so I was like, well, you're right. Um, I've always been that way. I have, you know, multiple interests, and I could see that being accurate of it's like building a business that has multiple wings to it or different departments or different, you know, carry categories or areas of things that are things you want to work on. And so what I loved about that though, he also said you he said the way your chart lays out, like this is you're just now hitting your stride with that. And it's not that you haven't worked or learned things before, but you're really like right on the cusp of nailing, like walking into what is your purpose. It's a later in life thing for you. Some people get it early, yours is later. And that was so validating and freeing for me because for a very long time my resume did not follow a straight line. I was very clear on why I was making decisions I was making, but it didn't look good on a piece of paper. And I felt like I was behind. And I know now that that couldn't be further from the truth, but at the time when you're sort of benchmarking where you're at and comparing it to other people, it didn't feel very good. And I felt like maybe I don't know what I'm doing, maybe I don't have a purpose. And so it was just very cool to have someone validate that not only was the way in which this is unfolding make sense to me and who I am and how I want to be in the world, but also the timing of it was it just hadn't happened yet. So nothing was wrong, which was really great to hear. So I want to go into that, that that you when we're we're talking about the thing I brought up in the beginning, which is the song and her waiting. If you're a person waiting or you don't have a thing that's yours, my best advice advice would be to go find something that's just for you. What would you be doing if you're not waiting for someone else or hoping that they'll change and come build this life for you with you? What can you do to fill your time that really fills you up and sources you for who you are and want to keep becoming? And what will often happen too is that people will stay stagnant and not make choices because they're hinging on if this, then that, or if that person moves this, then I'll move that instead of making a choice that's just for them. And the beautiful thing about making choices, I'm such a big fan of making choices. It's one of my favorite things to talk about. And what happens is that when you make a choice in any direction, should I stay, should I go, should I go left or right? I'm at a crossroads. What I love to tell people and I love to live by, which is hard sometimes, is you can't fuck it up. Because in the action, in the movement that happens when you make a decision, you've shifted something. And now you're you might be a tiny decision, it might be three steps to the right, or a really big life-changing decision. It doesn't matter. Either way, in movement, you have a new perspective. And from a new perspective, you can see things differently. And always when you make a choice, two things will happen. One, you will change. And two, you will learn something. And both of these are incredibly powerful. They're always great to have, whichever way you change and whatever you're learning, because even as you're learning things, all you're doing is refining, repeatedly refining who you are, what you're about, why you're here. Because every time you make a choice and lean into it, you'll learn what you like, what you don't like, what you're good at, what you're not good at. You'll learn about the things that lift you up, fuel you, source you through, like just make you want to set the world on fire because you're so excited about them and so alive. And the things that deplete and drain you and frustrate you and cause you exhaustion and are, you know, things that you don't want to be a part of. And that's such an important space to sit in because that's how you learn. And every time you take a step and you keep refining and you keep you're just getting better and better at being you, which is a really great place to be. And sometimes, sometimes you will step backwards. There's been plenty of times I've stepped backwards and was like, oh, that was not great. But I think too, the more you learn, if you can pick up on the things that you learn as you go, you don't step back as far. Like I used to really have to learn things the hard way. And I sort of made a decision after a couple rounds at that being my life, that I just I don't want to learn the hard way anymore. And so when something starts to like tilt me in that direction, or I'll start to feel like, eh, maybe that wasn't a great choice, I'll adjust it pretty quickly instead of waiting for the whole train to derail. Um so you're just getting better at it. But it's it's really about becoming more you and finding the things that source and fill you up so that you are a whole person and that you have your whole life. And anyone around you, like it is awesome to be, you know, for her in that situation, say she's supporting him in other ways, or maybe they have a family at home. Like, there's so many variations of places you can find purpose and what they can look like. You can be a stay-at-home mom, you can paint, you can build things, you can have a job on the road, you can travel, like there's different things that come with that, just depending on who you are. But I think the more, the more I've gotten better at finding what I'm about and what keeps me going, the more, the less I am reactive to the state of whatever anyone else is doing. And so I get to be a whole person. I make choices, I live for the most part through how I want to be in the world and what I want to learn about and where I want to explore and where do I think I can be of service? And who can I support in the process of my friends and family or a partner who with what they're doing, and be a sounding board or a cheerleader, you know, and how can I show up for them? And at the same time, where do I need space to go do the things that are me and have people around me that support that, but also give me the space that I need, which is a requirement that I have. I need space. It's just part of how I function as a human. And for a long time I made myself wrong about that too, for many reasons, but that's another whole episode. But finding something that is yours is one of the most beautiful pieces of advice I can give you. There's not a right and wrong way to find it. You just kind of start and see what you like and what you don't like and sort of follow the right white rabbit and see where it takes you. Um, because the more you listen, the more you say yes, the more you refine, the better you get. And all of that leads up to the person that you get to become. Thank you so much for being here. It means more than you know. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or leave a quick rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps more people find the show. If you want more of me, head on over to nataniallison.com and enter your name and email for behind-the-scenes updates in between shows. New episodes air every Tuesday. We'll see you next week.