When You’re Always the One Giving More

We talk a lot about showing up for others. When you’re the one who always gives, shows up, and carries the weight, what happens when no one shows up for you?

In this episode of Trusting Her Journey, we get real about what over-giving is really costing you and why it feels so hard to stop. We unpack:

• Why over-giving creates one-sided relationships that leave you drained
• The hidden fears that make you keep pouring even when your cup is empty
• How disappointment, resentment, and even grief sneak in when you keep giving more than you get
• A healthier way to see love and strength, one that makes space for rest, help, and mutual care

✨ Fuel for the Road Ahead:
Just because you can carry it all doesn’t mean you should. Let go of what drains you so you can finally receive the love and support you’ve been praying for.

💭 Reflection Question:
Where are you giving out of fear of being unseen, instead of love that flows freely?

👉🏽 One Small Step:
This week, choose one way to show up for yourself the same way you show up for others, no apologizing, no guilt. But what happens when no one shows up for you?

New episodes drop every week.

🔗 Resources & Announcements

We’re building a supportive online community.
Stay tuned for ways to connect with us off the podcast and meet other listeners on the journey.

Let’s Stay Connected

Follow the show on Instagram → @trustingherjourneypodcast
Follow Felicia → @soulguidedhealing_wellness
Follow Christalyn → @christalynthecounselor

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Got a topic you’d love us to cover, or a story to share?
Email us: hello@trustingherjourney.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs it.

Looking for Therapy?

Christalyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina. She offers faith-integrated therapy for women navigating burnout, boundaries, and emotional exhaustion.
→ carolinacounselingsc.com

Felicia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas,  She provides trauma-informed, somatic-based therapy for women ready to heal and reconnect with themselves.
→ soulguidedhealing...

Transcript

Recording Started

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Just because you can carry it, it doesn't mean that you should. And just because someone benefits from your support, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to keep going back and offer it time and time again. It could be, okay, I acknowledge that I helped this person once. I've given them the tools. Now it's up to them to follow through from there. You don't have to Double back, spin the block, and some of us be spinning the block like 15,000

SPEAKER_01 0:34

times. Girl, let it go.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

And you already know the outcome. So don't spin the block. Welcome to the Trust in Her Journey podcast. I'm Felicia.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

And I'm Krystalyn.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

This podcast is a safe space for women who are carrying a lot. Women who are trying to trust themselves again while managing the weight of their roles and responsibilities.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

We know what it's like to feel stretched thin because you're constantly showing up for everyone and putting your own needs last. Here, we have honest conversations about the silent struggles many women face.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

We're so glad you're here. In every episode, we'll talk about the real challenges women navigate, whether it's juggling work and family, carving out time for yourself or learning to trust your instincts again.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

You'll hear us share personal stories and lessons from our experience to help you trust your path and rethink what peace and balance actually looks like for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Our goal is to guide you through the hard moments with honest conversations about boundaries, self-care and leaning on your faith for strength.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure about how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Just a quick heads up, this podcast isn't a substitute for working with a licensed counselor or therapist, but don't worry, if you need that kind of support, we've got some resources for you in the show notes. Let's start the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Welcome back to Trusting Her Journey. I'm Krystalyn.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

And I'm Felicia. We're so glad you're here. How are you? I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

I'm doing good. How are you feeling today?

SPEAKER_00 2:20

I'm feeling good. I mean, you know, it's sunny. The weather is pretty good outside. I'm feeling all the feels, excited. We had a lot of good things happening over the past week, so I'm still, you know, soaking all of that in.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

That's good. The weather is not good here, but it's okay. It's not going to make or break my day.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I know that's right. All right. So today we're diving into something that we've both been intentional about in our own lives, redefining what strength looks like and allowing ourselves to be supported, which that's a whole lot to say. But yeah, allowing ourselves to be supported in this season.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah, we've learned a lot. We talked a lot about, and we've learned, both are learning that being strong doesn't mean we have to do it all alone, even though there's a lot we can do on our own. But real strength is just more about being honest with how you feel, giving yourself permission to be seen, to be taken care of, even when you are used to being able to be the one to do all of it on your own. So yeah. How does that feel to you, just to even acknowledge that again today, Felicia?

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Oh, you know, I think it's what you mentioned, still learning to, I don't know, like receive and be seen. I mean, I don't know that that word... You know, you're allowing yourself to be seen as always something because I feel like I straddled the fence between I want to be seen, but then also I don't. don't want to wait no

SPEAKER_02 4:13

not today

SPEAKER_00 4:14

not today okay okay we won't go there today but I agree with

SPEAKER_03 4:21

you

SPEAKER_00 4:21

that's where I'm at but I'm learning that I don't have to hold it all together like it's okay for me to be seen in in spaces where I feel safe and comfortable yeah so I'm just leaning into that right now

SPEAKER_02 4:38

yeah I agree so the spaces where you feel comfortable. Do you feel like you've kind of created that space for yourself more recently? Did that seem easy for you?

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I feel like I have created the space, but then I also think I am opening myself up more for people to come into the space or allowing, yeah, I'm allowing them to show up in the way that they want to versus, you know, controlling that or being very like closed off to people helping. So yes, I do think that I am creating the space and other are showing me that they could help me expand the space a little bit more so it's outside of what I think I'm creating like they're adding or building to that do I think that it has been easy um No, but it's not, it's not impossible. It's not hard. It's just something different. And, and we've talked about, you know, this before doing things for the first time. It is, it won't be easy. You won't feel comfortable in it, but like I'm learning to be okay with that and, and take it as it comes.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Like

SPEAKER_00 5:58

deal with it when it's in my face.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

What about you? Well, I think, so for me, that's easy to do for other people like I'm really really good at showing up for other people but then I realized I had realized in the past that I was at a place where I really wasn't getting the kind of support that I needed and as unfortunate as that is I had to kind of Consider why which is what we're going to get into today.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Yeah, because and I love that you acknowledge that because so many of us have spent so long showing up for everyone else that we don't even realize how under supported we are until we hit that wall or we get to that space where we're like, man, I keep doing all of this for other people. But where is my tribe? Where is It's my community.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And that's the moment where we're going to go in that direction in today's episode. Right. The grief that shows up, that kind of creeps in when you realize no one is showing up for you in the way you're showing up for them. It especially because you've been the strong one. It's hard to decide or to know, like, do I want to be seen? Should I be asking these people for more help or support? There's a lot of questions that we're going to get into today.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah. And I mean, a heart. it's a hard truth like it's I think it's a lot to sit with but even in that it could also be healing because like we can name this is where I'm at this is how I feel and then as I even mentioned you can kind of open yourself up to care for you in a different way and then you start to realize like I deserve a different level of care I deserve support I deserve to be seen by a people

SPEAKER_02 8:04

yeah you do just because you're you

SPEAKER_00 8:08

and and and that's it that's it okay so i think you know not even i think i hear this in in sessions so much where and just talking to people i'm always the the person to show up for others but no one is showing up for me like i'm always there i'm always responding i'm always answering the phone so why am i not receiving the same and and while we say that statement so many of us don't even know what it actually looks like to receive um just like unequal support like we just named before like not feeling supported by others and the pain that comes with it. So I do just want us to kind of name a few of those things just in case the listener wants to say like, okay, is this my situation? Can I identify with what they're talking about today? Before we kind of go into a deep dive, some things that I would kind of acknowledge as a level of unequal support or not receiving as much as you are given, it may look like sending some check-in texts, but you are never getting one. So you're constantly like, hey girl, how you doing? What you up to? What's going on? And then you get nothing. Like it's the dump of whatever things they are experiencing or I'm good and that's it. Know how you're doing behind that. It can even look like planning the birthday gatherings, planning the extravagant dinners for friends to celebrate their accomplishments or family, but Nobody remembers your birthday and no one calls you when you hit your work anniversary or you got a promotion at work. Another thing that I also want, um, I share with people, it can often look like, you know, listening to everyone's problems, as I mentioned before, but no one has asked you, how are you doing? How is life treating you? Or even followed up on a conversation that you all had before

SPEAKER_02 10:31

yeah I agree and it's not always big stuff right so and I think sometimes it's not even always obvious to us sometimes it's the small things like like you said remembering the anniversaries and different celebrations remembering to pray for people Right. You remember it. I remembered you were struggling with this thing. And I'm going to send you a text to let you know I'm thinking about you and I'm praying for you, even if it's been some time since we spoke about it. But when something happens for you, that's good. There's crickets.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Or when you're going through something that's hard. Right. You can take inventory. And I've had to do that, too, going through my phone and just looking at the top, the last five or 10 text messages. Right. Who were, was there more outgoing calls from my end or outgoing texts from my end versus incoming texts that said something other than what can you help me with, you know, or some version of that. That's a great way to just kind of look at some of the stuff we're already talking about. Are you the one that's mostly doing the checking in and the calling?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

and never receiving the calls or the check-ins. And you know, when you do take inventory, so I love that you gave that tool to like check, check your call log, check your text messages. I mean, we communicate so many different ways within friendships and families. So it's not just the phone calls. Sometimes your relationship may include reels or means. I mean, you know, that's what we do too. We're sending like multiple things at a time, but sometimes Sometimes once we take inventory, we start to have these inner thoughts or these feelings around like, is this me? Like, am I the problem? Am I asking for too much? Am I not a good person? Am I not a good friend? Those things start to come up.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah. And that's the answer is no. You're just asking for reciprocity. You're asking for relationships where you can feel safe enough emotionally Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

The

SPEAKER_02 13:01

person is not making the conversation about them. Right. It's not a struggle contest. Oh, where are you going through that? That ain't nothing. This is what I'm going through. Right. Struggle. You know, we all know people like that.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

So that's not too much to ask. That's you being real as you being honest.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Yeah. And, you know. I feel like when we are in these situations, sometimes we start to feel burnt out by the relationships that we're in, and we just leave it at like, I'm tired of this person. I'm just burnt out by this relationship. And you may not use the word burnout. You may just use like, I'm exhausted. I have nothing left to give in this relationship, and I just want to name that it's not just burnout it's also disappointment it's also grief because as you mentioned before you've been showing up with love energy prayer encouragement you may even be showing up with money whatever that looks like but then when you need help there is this it's radio silence it may be excuses i mean some people even become magicians girl they just disappear You hear absolutely nothing from them until they need something from you again.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah. Well, that's hard when you realize the only reason the person called you is because they knew you would show up no matter what. You are the person that's dependable, reliable, resourceful. And so that's why you were called. Right. So you might get a quick, hey, girl, how you doing? And then it's followed up with a request. And that's it. It is painful. Right. to realize you're in a transactional relationship with someone. It is painful. And I think it's helpful for our listeners to know that you can grieve that if you had an expectation or have an expectation of someone that you feel safe with, that you love and trust, that you care about, and you realize, yeah, I'm giving way more than I'm receiving. That pain you feel, that disappointment you feel, it's grief.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

And because you are grieving, it I don't even want to just put it on grief because you want to receive love and support from someone else. And you are grieving the fact that you aren't feeling supported or you don't feel seen by the ones that you care so deeply for does not make you weak because you have those feelings. You're human. You're experiencing a level of pain where you felt like these people said that they would show up for me. They, They said that they loved me. They said they care for me. But was it conditional? Was it based on what I could do for them? And you don't have to apologize for feeling that way. You can. It's OK for you to name it.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Yeah, I agree. Not everyone doesn't have the capacity to love the way we love.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

That

SPEAKER_02 16:18

doesn't make the way you love wrong. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't mean you're broken in any type of way. Right. That language is being used a lot. That doesn't equal brokenness because you have an expectation of reciprocity from yourself. someone else. It just means that you might've been planting seeds in places that you shouldn't have been.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

And you're still watering the relationships that you're

SPEAKER_02 16:45

nurturing the relationships. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

That's how we talk in therapy. Okay. But we not in therapy right now. Okay. We said honest conversation.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

you're right you're right so you're watering these relationships you're putting too giving too much energy too much for your time

SPEAKER_00 17:04

yeah a

SPEAKER_02 17:05

relationship that you never probably should have

SPEAKER_00 17:08

yeah just let the the crop dry up sis that's okay you can go back to the therapeutic

SPEAKER_02 17:15

okay but but you know I think realizing that, though, it's really it brings up a lot of feelings, even for me talking about it now, because I can't help but think about some relationships that I had to let go on, go up, excuse me, because I was the one that was doing a lot of the pouring, a lot of the nurturing, a lot of the watering. And it wasn't. I wasn't receiving what I needed. And what also happened is, cause you know, last week we talked about what happens after you set the boundaries and how things start to shift. Well, this is what that shift looks like. It's really uncomfortable. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

That's where I think that the grief creeps in the most, you know, when, when it becomes silent, the grief gets louder and then the thoughts come up and you catch yourself in this, this constant loop or cycle of like should I give more should I do more like should I reach out to them and see if it will be different one thing yes one thing that shows up the most is we hold on to the hope of the person changing so we start to operate out of like I know that they're capable of doing this because I have witnessed them do this with other people yes maybe they have but we can't operate out of hope we have to operate out of what is in front of us in this moment

SPEAKER_02 18:45

right when you're dealing with real people when you're dealing with human beings who change who are dealing with their own issues struggles who have given you evidence that they're not going to be consistent and that's what we want to be at the forefront of your mind as you're thinking about hopefully thinking about taking some inventory with your relationships who's been consistent who in your life has consistently shown up and i'm not talking about um you know frequency right because i'm just because you don't talk to a person every day or see them every month doesn't mean they're not a consistent friend yes who's been consistent in your life who shows up without having the expectation of always only needing something from you

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yes, that's why this is a great place to shift because this is why we want to go a little deeper into what does it mean to have a sense of safety within relationships and what are your expectations and your emotional capacity for the relationships that you are trying to nurture? Because it's one thing to, you know, name the pattern and, and like take inventory, as you mentioned before, but it's another thing to understand what it has been costing you.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

In your life. Yeah. So what do you think we can give them in terms of what this looks like in, in real life and how they can begin to shift?

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Okay. So in real, to me in real life, it looks like you're questioning everything. Am I too much? Did I expect too much? Is it just how relationships are? Is it just how people are? Maybe I'm doing too much. Yeah. maybe it's not, then maybe it is me. Sometimes we get so, when you're caught up in doing a lot of giving, giving, giving, showing up all the time, you can think that what's happening is love. Well, this is just how people show love or maybe it's not, right? There's a lot of questions. But what's happening is you're really just neglecting yourself because a lot of times we've already identified unknowingly what our needs are.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

I

SPEAKER_02 21:19

know I need friends who want to hang out sometimes, but also they're going to pray for me sometimes too, for example. And then when that's not happening, you're going along and you don't even realize, girl, you're neglecting yourself. So we condition ourselves unknowingly, unintentionally to believe that our worth is tied to how much we can just get over or get through.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

and that comes at a cost and that cost sometimes looks like feeling okay i'll be clinical um you're feeling lonely emotionally okay what's your what's your no no that's what i would honestly no that's what i would honestly i would honestly say that like you start to feel lonely not just like physically not experiencing community but emotionally you feel lonely you feel Like, who do I get to share with? And I know that we have witnessed a shift in the way that Black women experience therapy and go to therapy now. But I think it's beyond that. The 60 minutes that you experience once a week may not be enough. So you're looking for community in a different way. So when you don't receive that, you start to feel lonely emotionally. You don't have that safe space to share.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Right. Yeah. So I don't, if you're listening and you're thinking, okay, well, maybe what I am experiencing is emotional loneliness. I really couldn't put my finger on what it was, or I didn't really have a name for it because you don't always notice it at first. Right. And you're still doing all the things. You're still showing up. You're still smiling. You're still saying, I'm good. People asking you how you're feeling. You're still functioning, but inside you kind of running on fumes. There's not a whole lot left for you to pull from, um, This is where we want you to kind of start to, again, take inventory, take care of yourself. What is it that I really do need? Or what is it? I think at one point I probably said I needed it, but I kind of relaxed a little bit on my boundaries. I kind of said, oh, well, no, they're going through this or they're going through that. So making excuses. So it's okay that I hadn't heard from them. Right. You're looking for start to notice when, um, you are in relationships with people where they are not consistent. I'm going to go back to that.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

We want consistency in our relationships.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Yeah, no, I agree. And even just thinking about the part of being emotionally lonely, sometimes for many of us Black women, we're not just carrying the emotions that we have of, okay, we're not only carrying our emotional weight, we're also carrying the family, the friends, the children, you know, everything. Recently, I had a conversation with someone where they mentioned like following a person on social media and this person was going through some things in their lives. And the conversation became so consumed with like, well, I wonder what she's going to do. I wonder. And I'm like, you met her before?

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

No, I'm like, oh, y'all like y'all are friends on social media. No, then girl, why are you so invested in what's happening in her life? And it's not to say that you can't care about those in which you follow or they're around you, but it's like, why are you invested so much energy in? Right. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Right. If you, it can, it can help shape your perspective on what showing love really means. Yeah. And for some of us showing love means you care, everybody going, you just going to carry all this stuff. Don't keep the peace. You got it. Somebody got to be the responsible one. Somebody has to do it. Somebody got to take care of whoever. Right. And, and what if you're the only one who's the responsible one?

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

What if you're the only one that's keeping the peace is important to? What if you were the only one who recognized somebody needs to take care of this person because they're struggling? What if you're always the only one? What happens?

SPEAKER_00 26:05

That's a place of reflection that you all can kind of think through, because even when you are the only one that's trying to keep the peace and do all of the things and hold the family together, together you become the fixer and once you become the fixer I mean no one will ever yeah no one is going to take that role from you they're not they are not they won't I know to that role once you commit to that and you keep showing up in that capacity no one is going to say hey I want a piece of that or hey I know they're going to say oh you're doing so well we don't even notice that something is happening with you. Yeah. You got it. And you are secretly in the back. Like I don't have it. I'm about to fall apart. I don't know what to do. Why am I not being asked? Am I okay? Because you consistently raise your hand

SPEAKER_02 27:04

to fix the problem. Yeah. Yeah. In therapy, we call it over-functioning and over-functioning. Not sometimes it always creates relationships where the other people are under function. They show up. They relax because they know you're going, when you show up, you're going to be the one to make sure everything gets handled. You're going to be the one to hold it down. You're going to be the one to make sure that everybody else is good. And then you wonder why you feel so heavy.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Okay. So here's the, here's a reframe, you know, just because you can carry it, it doesn't mean that you should. And just because someone benefits from your support and doesn't necessarily mean that you have to keep going back and offer it time and time again it could be okay I acknowledge that I helped this person once I kind of I have given them the tools now it's up to them to follow through from there you don't have to double back spin the block and some of us be spinning the block like 15,000

SPEAKER_01 28:14

times and

SPEAKER_00 28:16

you already know the outcome so don't spin the block

SPEAKER_02 28:19

you're right you're right so do you think that because for those of us who are taking off our capes right because I know we have a lot of listeners that's what they're that's what they're deciding to do now

SPEAKER_03 28:36

yeah

SPEAKER_02 28:36

they realize and they don't have to be the one to be strong all the time or be the only one who's strong all the time what do you think about This pattern or this behavior, this habit of putting on their cape or being a strong all the time. What do you think? Do you think they just surround themselves with the wrong people who are just taking advantage of their strength? What do you think has happened?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

I honestly, I feel like it's a mixture of things. I don't think that it's just, you know, the people. I mean, while that plays a role. I believe that it goes back to what we talked about before. If we have always identified or people place that role on us, we start to make that our identity. And so because we make that our identity, especially a lot of our listeners, they are women who are very ambitious. do all of the things they occupy many roles. Once you commit to something, we fully commit and we don't know how to pull out sometimes and say, well, I committed, then this is not what I want to commit to right now. So instead of us pulling out or, um, try not to disappoint people that we love, we just go, um, deeper into doing the thing. So I do feel like there's a mixture of the people that we surround ourselves with. And I also think it's a moment of self-reflection or to be a little bit more aware about what things do we kind of set ourselves up for that we are willing to release.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

You're talking about accountability.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Yeah. And we're not blaming anybody who's struggling with that. This is just about being more aware of who you are and maybe be what things have become part of your identity and also you all know you can change your mind so say that has been a part of your identity up until this point if you decide that you don't want to wear that as a badge of honor anymore the fact that you can show up and do all the things and be the fixer and the caretaker you don't want to do that anymore you can decide today that you want to step back some release or relinquish some of the responsibility

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Yeah. Yeah. And that's the

SPEAKER_02 31:00

softness we talked about before.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yes. That's what I was going to say is more of you are inviting softness and support in your life instead of just only inviting silence and sacrifice.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Right. Because that only leads to resentment, bitterness.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Yeah. I know

SPEAKER_02 31:16

we don't want to admit that, but that's what.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Yeah. We don't want to admit that because if we can be honest, we are supposed to be grateful. We're supposed to be strong. We're supposed to be above all of the other people's behavior so it's like you're above that you're better than that like you still show up you still be the person for them

SPEAKER_03 31:45

yeah

SPEAKER_00 31:46

it is okay no

SPEAKER_03 31:47

no

SPEAKER_00 31:48

yeah i mean those are the things that we're told but then you know the when the bitterness uh kind of creeps up it's it's grief but with no place to land. So it's like the sadness that we are experiencing, it's gone so unheard and unheld that it's like, what do we do with this? So I'm grieving, but because I'm grieving so much and I don't have the support that I'm looking for, I now kind of walk in this space of feeling like bitterness and resentment towards the people that are supposed to be showing up for me.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

Right, right. you're allowed to feel that don't you think i mean i think we're allowed to feel that

SPEAKER_01 32:33

yes

SPEAKER_02 32:33

we're allowed to name that pain that grief that ache and we don't have to feel shame about it doesn't mean we um there's something wrong with us or it's bad we're humans we're not robots and this is a part a natural part of the human experience right having one in community showing up as we feel like our best are authentic or true selves and sometimes if it's a part of your identity so you're the one that's planning all the things calling making all the calls showing up remembering the birthdays and anniversaries fixing all the things and then you when you take inventory because you listen to this podcast episode and you realize hey I'm probably doing too much I gotta hold back a little pull back a little bit it's natural if that's not received in a loving way it's natural to feel pain it's natural to feel sadness it's natural to feel disappointment

SPEAKER_00 33:28

that's

SPEAKER_02 33:29

natural and it's okay

SPEAKER_00 33:31

it's okay and you don't have to rush yourself through those uncomfortable feelings or those new feelings that you're having no

SPEAKER_02 33:39

you don't um So we're going to always bring this to God, right? Because when we feel invisible, when we feel we don't feel supported, it is so easy to wonder, well, dang, do God even see me? Because he knows my heart, right? So he knows I'm lonely. He knows I'm struggling emotionally. And the truth is he does see you. Even Jesus, who is our ultimate model of what love looks like, what strength looks like. He had moments like these right before he went to the cross and he asked his friends to come and pray with him.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

What

SPEAKER_02 34:17

did they do? They fell asleep. they didn't show up I mean I would have been like listen now Felicia girl like you couldn't wait for your nap you couldn't no they fell asleep but he didn't lash out he felt it he experienced it he said couldn't you keep watch with me just for an hour That's a big deal when you consider what he was up against, what he was getting ready to face, just one hour. But because he was fully divine and fully human, right? God sent him here so he can experience what we experience now. So he knows. It means he knows. what it means to be disappointed, what it means to feel sadness, what it means to feel emotional pain.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

You know what? I, I'm glad you brought that up. I'd never, you know, that reminder truly is everything because what you're saying is if Jesus felt that kind of grief, it means we're not broken for feeling it too. We're human. So, All of the emotions that come up for us when we are disappointed, when we feel resentful, it's okay. Because if Jesus felt it and didn't crash out, I can

SPEAKER_02 35:33

feel it.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

But you know, we may crash out differently. But anyways, you know, yeah, it's just saying we're human.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

Yeah. The comforting part is God never sleeps on us. He doesn't fall asleep on us when we need him to show up. Psalms 34 and 18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. And that's not just a poem. That's a promise. When we are grieving silently or whether we are surrounded by people, right? When we're tired of being strong, he's with us. He sees our tears. He sees the tears we don't have a name for, the tears we can't describe. He hears the things that we don't say out loud. He's not asking us to do more, right? I'm going to always, always go back to that. He's not asking us to do more, to show up more. He's offering more. us his presence it's up to us to receive it

SPEAKER_00 36:28

i think that's what we forget when people don't show up for us we think that we have to do more to be worthy

SPEAKER_03 36:36

but exactly

SPEAKER_00 36:37

god already said you are worthy you don't have to do anything to prove your worth to me yes

SPEAKER_02 36:45

exactly so let this also be a reminder that sometimes the boundaries that we need aren't just about keeping people out there so that we can make room for the people God is trying to send us but if you are exhausted feeling really foggy because you got too much on your mind if you're over-functioning all the time, you won't even be able to recognize when God is sending those people to you. And if you've already filled up your life with all the things for other people, you won't even have space to welcome them in.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Yeah. Okay. I hope y'all clock that shift that we were just provided. Letting go of everything so God can send what you've been praying for. So the people that you may be holding on to the situations that you may be holding on to, it is okay for you to release them or not over give or over function in them so that you can open up space for God to give you exactly what you've been praying for. So the friendships, the relationships, the people that you have been praying for create space so they can come in.

SPEAKER_02 37:58

Yeah. Let people love you because maybe you're not forgotten. Maybe you aren't invisible. Maybe it's just a season where God is trying to show you that it's time to make room so you can be loved more deeply, more gently with more reciprocity and be in relationships that are not transactional the way he wants us to be loved.

UNKNOWN 38:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

Okay. I love that. Thank you for that word.

SPEAKER_02 38:22

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Thank you for the word. So as we begin to shift again into the fuel that we need for the road ahead, what we call our rest stop, I just want us to take a breath together. If you all are listening, you can take a quick moment and breathe for a second.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

You don't have to prove your worth over giving, you don't have to keep carrying everything alone.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

So the reflection question that we want you to carry into this new week or with the new week ahead is where have I been over given out of a desire to be seen or chosen? And what would it look like to redirect that love back to myself?

SPEAKER_02 39:12

so one small step you can take this week is to choose one way to show up for yourself the same way you show up for other people no no apologizing no over explaining and no guilt guilt is reserved for when you do something bad or wrong

SPEAKER_03 39:29

And

SPEAKER_02 39:30

I know that some of you may struggle with that. Like, well, it is wrong to be doing stuff for yourself and you got laundry to do or kids to see about. Well, we're here to give you permission to pause on helping other people just for a moment and do something for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Yeah, you're allowed to need, you are allowed to receive and not you are allowed to be needed at all times. You are allowed to need, which means you can give yourself permission for your needs to be met.

SPEAKER_02 40:04

Yes. Yeah. You don't have to carry it all by yourself all the time. And you're still worthy of love. You're still worthy of being treated with unconnected positive regard I

SPEAKER_00 40:20

love that okay sis so if you enjoyed this week's episode or any episode that you have tuned into in our previous podcast releases please make sure that you like our social media pages or follow us on social media but please make sure that you rate our podcast if you want to leave a comment we would appreciate Thank you so much for supporting us. We hope that you take rest. real good care of yourself. All right. Peace. Bye. That's it for today's conversation. We're so glad you joined us.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to subscribe, share with a friend or leave us a review. It helps more women like you find this space.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Join us next time for another honest conversation. Until then, take care of yourself and trust your journey.