Why Healing Leaves You Exhausted: How to Truly Rest

Life doesn’t just burn us out at work, it burns us out when we keep trying to “fix” ourselves too.

In this Season 1 finale of Trusting Her Journey, Christalyn and Felicia talk about a kind of exhaustion few women name out loud: self-help burnout. The pressure to keep reading, journaling, watching, and healing can feel never-ending—and leave you just as drained as overworking.

Inside this conversation:

• Why rest is more than naps, spa days, or vacations (and how to recognize when your soul is tired, not just your body).
• The hidden pressure of constant self-improvement and why “working on yourself” can become another way to prove your worth.
• The difference between consuming wisdom and actually integrating it into your life.
• Practical tools for creating boundaries with yourself and practicing real rest.
• How to see rest as obedience, worship, and a way to let God do what only He can do.

✨ Fuel for the Road Ahead:
Before you add another book, podcast, or strategy, pause and ask: Where have I been trying to prove I’m okay instead of resting in the truth that I already am?

🎧 Listen now and take the pressure off proving you’re “enough.” You already are.

New episodes drop every week.

🔗 Resources & Announcements

We’re building a supportive online community.
Stay tuned for ways to connect with us off the podcast and meet other listeners on the journey.

Let’s Stay Connected

Follow the show on Instagram → @trustingherjourneypodcast
Follow Felicia → @soulguidedhealing_wellness
Follow Christalyn → @christalynthecounselor

Tap Follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode.

Got a topic you’d love us to cover, or a story to share?
Email us: hello@trustingherjourney.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs it.

Looking for Therapy?

Christalyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina. She offers faith-integrated therapy for women navigating burnout, boundaries, and emotional exhaustion.
→ carolinacounselingsc.com

Felicia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas,  She provides trauma-informed, somatic-based therapy for women ready to heal and reconnect with themselves.
→ soulguidedhealing...

Transcript

Speaker 00 0:00

Welcome to the Trust in Her Journey podcast. I'm Felicia and I'm Chrstalyn. This podcast is a safe space for women who are carrying a lot. Women who are trying to trust themselves again while managing the weight of their roles and responsibilities. We know what it's like to feel stretched thin because you're constantly showing up for everyone and putting your own needs last. Here we have honest conversations about the silent struggles many women face. We're so glad you're here and every episode So we'll talk about the real challenges women navigate, whether it's juggling work and family, carving out time for yourself, or learning to trust your instincts again. You'll hear us share personal stories and lessons from our experience to help you trust your path and rethink what peace and balance actually looks like for you. Our goal is to guide you through the hard moments with honest conversations about boundaries, self-care, and leaning on your faith for strength. If you've been feeling overwhelmed overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure about how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you're in the right place. Just a quick heads up, this podcast isn't a substitute for working with a licensed counselor or therapist, but don't worry, if you need that kind of support, we've got some resources for you in the show notes. Let's start the conversation. welcome back to trust in her journey we cannot believe that today we're closing out season one oh my god welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome everyone we are so excited that felicia and i did something for us yes we were obedient and we shared something that we did for us with you all and we are so So excited to see what God is going to do next. Just excited. so so grateful and excited for all the things to come but it's it's kind of ironic that this is the last episode of season one and we are talking about something that we don't normally talk about it's a conversation that you know we don't really I don't want to say we but just like as women as black women we don't talk about this enough and It is rest and more than it's just rest, knowing that rest is what we need. Rest truly helps us get to the next season of life or fuels us for the next season of life. So we are so excited to dive into this and we just want to put a disclaimer out there before we even get into the topic. When we say rest, since we are not talking about just naps and vacations and spa days we are talking about rest that truly refuses to prove your worth through exhaustion yeah the kind not doing it no more yeah not that's not what we're here for the the kind that says i don't have to run myself into the ground to be valuable that's right i am excited to have this conversation too now we have conversations felicia and i have conversations where we gently well sometimes Felicia be kind of forcefully reminding me to rest girl go sit down from where you need to stop whatever you doing and go rest right but I think that's and I think a lot of women probably do that the question I guess is do we listen if our friends are someone who loves and cares about us encourages us to rest do we actually listen and then when we do rest what kind of rest like what's the quality of the rest that we have like do we really feel replenished do we feel refueled after we rest some of us though are we're not just exhausted like physically our souls and spirits are just tired because we give from every part of our being because we don't have way do stuff right we are all showing up with excellence and that's great but we need to be resting more we gotta stop running ourselves into the ground. Not just because of some of the stuff we're going to talk about today, but number one, don't make you more valuable. You're not going to get an award. Exactly. I've never seen that award, like ever. Never. You don't. But so do you think, Felicia, as we get into this conversation, do you think that those of us who struggle with resting, those of us who are exhausted and tired, Is it just because of the work we're doing every day and maybe because you're momming and your wife? Is it just because of that or you think it's something else? I think it's a combination of things, honestly. Like, I'm not going to lie. Yes, we are tired some evenings from being moms, wives, you know, employees, business owners, whatever. But I also think that if I can be real, a lot of us are exhausted because we're focused on healing so so fast we're focused on entering a new season of life quickly so we are being overly consumed with like reading all the self-help books listening to all the podcasts now y'all keep listening to our podcast yeah i'm just saying keep listening but also you are allowed to take a break when it becomes too much you know and we talked about that before just like trusting your own wisdom to say i'm exhausted i need to scale back but listening to all the sermons the podcast reading the books watching the tiktok series around how you glow up in the next 30 40 days how to become that girl yeah it becomes a lot of pressure to prove yourself to be perfect to get it right and you just become exhausted maybe you tire you just you doing too much what about you do you think it's something else that maybe i didn't name oh no i think i think it's that this pressure to show up a certain way to show up perfect to be on all the time and we feel like we the only way to accomplish that is to be healed right to become her whatever that means for you and that is beautiful yeah wonderful amazing marvelous Yeah. but I don't know that we pause enough to let all the sermons, all the notes we took on the podcast, all of the tutorials we watched, all the books we read. I don't think we ever paused long enough to let the stuff sink in. No, we just go to the next thing, go to the next thing. That's right. And that's not healing. That's just more pressure. Yes. That's where we start to recognize the signs and symptoms of burnout. If we can be honest, but But we don't know that we're burnt out at the time. We're just saying things like, you know, I'm just exhausted. Like, I need to read this scripture. I need to listen to this podcast again. But that kind of takes me into just kind of like a thought or even a question if you want to kind of explore that or process it a little bit more around. Like, how do you know the difference between being tired from life? and being tired from like always working on yourself how do I know the difference between being tired from life and being tired from always just working on myself yeah so I guess for me I I because naturally it's not uncommon for me to overthink so I think one thing for me personally is I will notice that that's what I'm doing I'm not just appreciating where I am I'm maybe not experiencing as much joy as I would like I'm just read everything that I have consumed is on this loop and not in a helpful way yeah not it's actually disrupting my peace it's actually actually disrupting my thoughts and then so then I start to feel like well dang well I was going to do something why why why can't I why can't I stay focused on this why is it like I have so many unfinished tasks I'm starting a lot of stuff and I'm not finishing a lot of the things that I've started so that's for me how I know that I'm tired and it's not just because I got a lot of dishes to wash and laundry to fold but I have consumed too much I've probably reached my capacity before I realized it what about you yeah Yeah. to rest is because I'm overthinking I'm trying to figure out like okay well how can I do this okay well let me read this book again it goes back to let me read this book let me listen to this sermon again I become overly consumed with finding the thing that I feel will help cure me versus like girl don't do anything else right now would you get out of my business please I mean I'm just being so honest and you know I send you things sometimes, right? So, you know, we be sending each other like, Hey, listen to this. Hey, listen to this. And then I'm like, okay, you literally are going to all these different platforms to follow your, you know, favorite creators or listen to the messages that they're sending for today. When you already know this, like you've already had this information before, but you're not sitting with it. You're not being intentional with it. You're just trying to find the net. best thing to do and more than anything it's not just sitting with it I'm looking for tasks to do I'm looking for journal parts girl more work I'm like girl you talk about oh I'm tired of doing all of these things but you're looking for more and I think that that kind of flows into we've already named some of the struggles that may show up in our lives when we're trying to determine whether I need to rest my body versus is rest my soul and my mind are there any other struggles that you would want to name to help the listeners kind of maybe identify some things that they want to explore within themselves I think also just noticing whether or not you're actually integrating some of the stuff you've been watching on videos reading in books listening to at church listening to on podcast like you heard us give you tips so you read an email that came from someone and it's got some strategies, have you actually implemented it? And if you haven't, then that's likely a sign that you're heading down this road towards just exhausting yourself from trying to heal and grow and self-help and all the things. And there's this myth that a lot of us live with that the faster the healing is, the more healed we will become or the more healed we are. I need to be able to show that I'm healed and this is how I'll show it. Well, I had a lot of books on my my bookshelf a lot of them I've read some of them I've scammed some of them I haven't read yet that don't mean I'm healed yeah right so don't envy the fact that I have a lot of books what does my life look like we talked about the fruit of our life you know in a previous episode but what does my life look like I have to be accountable to me too am I actually integrating the things that I am consuming yeah am actually putting this stuff to work if I'm even if I'm sitting down to read my Bible God show me what it is I need from the scripture and how I can apply it to my life that's the prayer no that is that's big and you know it kind of brought me to a moment of reflection where I think we can actually use this also as a reflection point with ourselves not to do more more work, but actually to say, have I noticed that sometimes what wears you down or what wears me down isn't our actual life, it's just the pressure to fix our lives. So as much as we're saying, and I'm speaking from experience where I'm like, I'm exhausted, I need something different. That's the main thing I hear in my practice. don't think I'm doing enough. I mean, again, it goes back to the comparison piece that we've talked about in previous episodes. But if we can really be honest with ourselves, girl, no, it's like, where am I always like, why? I should say, why in my life am I always trying to fix something? Why can't I actually just live the life that I've been blessed with or live the life that I'm currently in the season that I'm currently in without thinking, what do I need to fix? What do I need to do? Why are you always finding something wrong with your existence? Exactly. And how do you know that this life is not actually good and meant for you if you're always trying to find the whole, if you're always trying to find the new thing? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times I've noticed with my clients that same thing. And, you know, we are our clients and a lot of ways too right so we're going to keep it 100 with y'all it's not as if we haven't struggled with some of the same things but that's something I notice always what's next is something I like to offer them is even if you consider I don't care if you consider the last session or the first session when I encourage my clients to give me give me a couple of things you took away from our conversation today have you actually applied the thing don't look at it as homework I mean you can call that if you want but have you actually applied the thing that we talked about and you likely even agree that you were going to try yeah because that's the opposite word try just try to do this thing or practice implementing this one thing and be consistent with it and consistent Consistency is applicable to everything that we are trying to do new and different in our life. Whether it's eating better, whether it's showing up more in your marriage, whether it's trying to lose weight, whether it's learning how to drive a car, whether it's learning how to, you know, anything. You have to be consistent. You have to practice. And a lot, we don't do that. Yeah. Oh, this was too, it was the video with the podcast was too long. The sermon was too long. I lost focus yes the weights were too heavy to lift yeah the groceries it costs too much to buy only healthy stuff or mostly healthy stuff right meal prep and take too long right so we want things quicker we want things faster we want things easier and I think that's why we jump from thing to thing to thing and we don't even realize that we're not even we're not resting and we're not implementing or integrating any of the stuff consumed yeah it's just keeping us in survival mode mm-hmm yep we're just doing and like you said to me we use rest as avoidance versus integration yeah and integration in a way of like really what how are we given our body what it needs our mind and our spirit to like actually absorb what we've already learned because with Without rest, wisdom never gets rooted. So it's just like, hey, I'm listening to all these things, but I'm not planting any of the seeds or any of the wisdom that I'm receiving from these things. I'm just moving on to the next one. It's kind of like I'm opening a different tab. I'm adding something new to the Rolodex, but I'm not actually integrating it in my life. Well, you're not wise if you're not applying the knowledge that you have. Exactly. That's the opposite of being wise. Yeah. How do you think, because we've kind of talked about this, the roles that we occupy in our lives. How do you feel this can play out in some of the roles like as a mom, a wife, a friend, an employee? How do you think resisting rest and like overdoing things and trying to heal quickly or get to the next phase in our lives can show up in these spaces. Well, and I know as a mom, I want things to be fast. I just do. I want the bullet points. Yeah. I need the microwave ready, whatever. Yeah. And that's just what I know about me. And so slowing down sometimes can feel very uncomfortable. Slowing down sometimes can make me feel like, oh, I'm going to miss something, which is the opposite right if you're moving slow then you're less likely to miss something but for lots of reasons slowing down I'm convinced if I move too slow I'm gonna I'm gonna overlook something and I'm gonna miss something and that's just not true and so we also we also have this pressure like am I doing enough for my kids am I doing enough for my spouse like this is she in enough programs am I cooking the best meals am I being patient oh I probably shouldn't have said that maybe I need to go back and apologize right in my relationship if I say there's no sex tonight then like am I gonna be less desirable is he gonna be feeling some type of way if I ask for help is that me nagging or am I failing am I doing my part I got a load of towels on the couch right now and I'm like oh he come home I don't want him to think I wasn't doing nothing all day I really was it's a whole thing a lot of pressure with my friends if I don't text back fast and well I think me and my friends have worked through that they get it but it's still like it's in some time do I need to check in am I not a good friend because I haven't checked in there's just constant trying to prove yourself that is exhausting and the ironic part about it is we don't get to have the intimacy and the connection that we need in our relationships because we are rushing we won't slow down we end up resenting our roles and all the responsibilities that come with them because we are rushing. We miss it. We miss out on the good parts of life. Yeah, no, that's real. And it made me think about, you know, just a question that I have for myself and maybe it'll resonate with you too. What would it look like if instead of add more, we gave ourselves the space to let what we already know kind of take root or, you know, knowing that I'm already doing enough as a mom. I'm getting you to school every day on time. I'm making sure that you have a roof over your head. I'm making sure that you engage in all the activities that you want to. I'm exposing you to different things. I'm giving you love, even as a partner. I'm communicating the best that I can. I'm trying to show up in other areas of intimacy in the relationship the best that I can. And instead of trying to add more on the plate, I can just actually say, you know what, I'm I'm doing the best and yeah, this is what I have in this season and I'm going to stick with that. And then other seasons, it may look different and I can give a little bit more, but I'm allowed this to take root right now in these relationships. It's enough. Now I will say I am fortunate and blessed because I have a partner. He don't play like that. Yeah. Thing is you. Yeah. You're doing enough. Haven't you? He says that so many times, probably more than he should have to do it. all right you're doing enough that's enough yes no we good that's enough she's good that's enough not one more thing he yes he is a constantly reminding me he is my constant reminder that enough is enough or when enough is enough or when you look like you haven't rested or when you look like you're getting ready to think about possibly doing too much he like nope nothing else and I And I know better as a clinician, I know better as a friend who has friends who have struggled even with their physical health because they've done too much. So they are my living example to rest and slow down. So I am fortunate. My husband do not play like that about me. And so when I give myself space, when I listen to him and I listen to my body, I feel so much I just I enjoy lots of the parts of my life that I likely am missing because I'm trying to do all the things yeah so let's give our listeners who maybe aren't ready to you know kind of share those things with their partners or allow other people to show up for them in that way or even friends give them a gentle reminder around like hey you're doing too much let's let's slow it down let's try to give them some practical tips or tools that they can use to slow down and kind of land or root in a space of rest right you want to start sure so because you know I'm the boundaries boss yes part of this whole idea of resting and using rest as a way of resisting the pressure to prove yourself to show up strong all the time heck just to show up all the time part of that it requires you to have boundaries with yourself, telling yourself when enough is enough, deciding, checking in with yourself, deciding what you have the capacity for and what you don't. So one tool is the enough for today list.

Unknown 24:26

Okay.

Speaker 00 24:26

Three things, max. Now, we know some of us who have multiple roles, there ain't no way you can only get three things. That's not what we're saying. That is not what we're saying. But what I am saying is consider this. Consider the things that you have to do that you don't have a choice. You got to get your kids to school. You got to make sure they eat. If you have a job, you got to go to the job, whether it's at home or out, you know, working in person. Those are things you have to do. You have no choice. so you're enough for today Liz I'm talking about the things that are optional the things that you do have a choice so you write down only three things that actually matter to you today and everything else waits yes I like to call that for me it's my top three like I'm doing the top three important things and if I get other things done today great but here are the top three things that we need to get done so I like that yes another thing that I would add is because I have started to pay more attention to my body's reaction to when it's overwhelmed or when I have so much going on and it requires more than just sleep. But like you said, slowing down and not adding or overly consuming information is I like to do now like the micro rest moments. So what I've been doing is like kind of you know, as a clinician, you can move from session to session. You know, I've started to make sure I build in time to get up and walk around, to stand by the window, to go outside and get some sunlight, you know, just doing things or even asking myself, like, what is it that you need? Do you need fuel? Like, do you need food? Do you need more water? Do you need to sleep? Do you need sleep as rest in the moment? But also one of the things that I love that you mentioned too when we were talking was like waiting a few minutes to respond to a text versus immediately responding I think that that even applies to emails when we think about it at work or the IMs for the people that work at home and those folks on teams want to just send those 50-11 messages that's a moment for you to say like actually I'm going to slow down I'm not going to quickly respond I'm going to gather some time for me and then i'll respond so i loved that as a tool to use too good you people who are listening who feel like no no no it's work i gotta get back i gotta get back to y'all you if you don't work for ems right the er if your phone does not ring because someone down now on one we're not talking to you girl not that's not we're not that's a different way we have to give them different tools and strategies. So we have to teach our bodies to pause. And there's so many ways to do that. But what we're talking about is just slow down. You can wait two minutes before you respond to a text or an email. You can step outside for a minute to get a breath of fresh air. Don't go to the side where the smoker's at or vapor. No shade to them. If you don't smoke or vape, go to the other side. Oh my God. Listen, lay down without your phone for 10 minutes. Go to the bathroom. Yeah. Without your phone. Yeah. Go to the bathroom without your phone. That's for me, girl. I'll be in the bathroom. Just on that phone, scrolling on TikTok. So I feel like, right. Get up numb. No feeling in my leg. Right. but it's but it's so common we don't even consider what life was like before these phones we're not going to even go there but we don't even consider how much we are consuming and what it's doing to our bodies so yes rest you all rest rest rest set a boundary to rest choose one night a week that you're not going to catch up on work that you're not going to be calling people back that you're not going to respond to emails that you are going to rest no scrolling no journaling no reading no books unless you read a book for pleasure yes write it on a sticky note know, put it on your calendar. Tonight is the night I'm going to bed at an hour early, 30 minutes earlier. That's your new boundary. Okay. Yeah. So what she's saying is set a reminder on your calendar for you. It's specifically for you, not for anyone else. I am devoting this time to doing the things that will refuel me. Yes. Yeah, exactly. This morning when I woke up feeling the way I felt, I decided today's going to be the day I'm going to be at 10 instead of at midnight that's too late for me sometimes I don't have a choice but it's too late for me so I already know tonight I have a hard boundary for myself 10 p.m. that's it Psalms 127 and 2 the NIV version says in vain you rise early and stay up late twirling for food to eat for he grants sleep to those he loves y'all God is not impressed by our exhaustion not again not a reward not rewarding us for being yes he rewards those who diligently seek him and yet we yeah but that's not what we thought that's not this yes he is waiting for us to sit down and rest in him how about that he's not waiting for us to prove that we're worthy of anything he already gave it to us as a gift we have permission every time you rest you push against The lie that we've been telling ourselves that we are more worthy or more valuable because we're doing all the things. Yeah. What if we saw rest as a form of worship?

Unknown 30:37

Yeah.

Speaker 00 30:37

what if we saw rest as this is the only way god can do the thing that he needs to do i read the scripture i sung the worship song i fellowship with people who poured into me now i need to rest so it could take root god i'm trusting that you are working even when especially when i'm not if he's working mostly when i'm resting i'm gonna be sleeping all the time right This means you do not have to finish the to-do list before you rest. You ain't got to finish the book before you rest. You don't have to finish the book before the thing that you've already been reading has taken root. You don't have to wait until Sunday to earn a nap. Many times if you talk to a client and you're like, girl, when you gonna, do you have a plan to, oh yeah, on Sunday, on Saturday, and I don't have to work. Well, why not log off of TikTok a little bit earlier tonight? Mmm. You didn't have to call me out. I'm talking to me too. What if we saw rest as a form of obedience? Yes. What if we saw rest as a way to choose that we're going to trust God more than we trust the things that are on our to-do list?

Unknown 31:49

Hmm.

Speaker 00 31:49

OK, so we want to give you all some fuel for the road ahead. We really want you to think about what are the private ways I've grown that no one sees. If we can be honest, a lot of us fall into the self-help trap or the sermons or the podcast all because we want people to see the work that we're doing. And it's not to say that we don't want other people to notice the way in which you are evolving and growing, but we don't need you to be overly consumed by what someone else is seeing. So what are the private ways I've grown that no one else sees? We want you to hold on to that. We also want you to think through where have I been trying to prove I'm okay instead of resting in the truth that I already am. I like to say that I don't know how the situation is going to turn out. So I don't want to say to anybody it's going to be okay because I don't know but what I do know is you're going to be okay how do I know that look back over your life think about the things you've already gone through and come through and overcame That's how I know. So your success rate at getting through difficult times is 100% because you're still here looking at me. Yep. Okay. Let's give them a small step. Before we close out this episode, we want to give y'all one small step. So pick one area of your life, just one where you usually keep pushing through. You keep trying to do more, whether it's work, whether it's at home, even how you take care of other people. And instead of piling everything up, on, just choose one way to pause. That can go back to the list we mentioned earlier where you only have three things on your to-do list. Normally you have five, but now you got three. You can send an email without reading it over and over again, Crystal Lynn. You can let one of the chores that you have to do, let it wait. You can put your phone down. Start with five minutes. Ten minutes seem too impossible for you. The goal is not to get it all right it's to simply give yourself permission to rest do not respond to the text right away wait two minutes rest is where God does some of his best work I truly believe that so this week think about this let rest remind you you have already done enough Before you think of doing one more thing, remind yourself you have already done enough. Oh my gosh, sis, we cannot believe we are closing out season one. We are, again, so grateful that you have been on this journey with us and we hope that you continue on this journey with us. If you haven't done so already, please share this podcast with a friend, family member, church member. Send it to somebody. Right. Anybody. Exactly. If you haven't already done so, please subscribe to our email list. That's where we send out some weekly gems two times a week. We recap the episodes. We give extra just like wisdom and gems that could be helpful for you. We would also love if you rate or the podcast as well as leave us a comment If you can, on whatever platform you choose to stream these episodes from. We are excited for season two. We are. We are. But we also want you all to know, if you are listening on the audio version, you should head to our YouTube channel because we recorded this live and you can see us in action. Yes. We are excited to continue doing more of the video parts of the podcast so you can see our facial reactions. reactions, all of the things that we do. All of my Facebook reactions. All of the ways in which we engage in this episode. But again, thank you so much. We hope you take real good care of yourself and we'll see you in season two. All right. Trust the journey, y'all. All right. Bye.