How to Stay Calm When Life Feels Out of Control

In Episode 2, Felicia and Christalyn talk about what to do when life interrupts your routines and goals. If you’ve been telling yourself, “I fell off again,” or beating yourself up for not staying consistent, this episode is for you.

We’re talking about how to keep going with real life happening without shame, guilt, or the pressure to start over every time something doesn't go as planned.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why everyday interruptions (kids out of school, busy seasons, schedule changes) can throw you off more than you expect
• The spiraling self-talk that shows up after the interruption (“I should be able to handle this,” “I’m failing,” “here I go again”)
• Why so many women isolate when they feel overwhelmed, and how that keeps things heavier
• The difference between restarting and resuming (and why resuming can feel “messy,” but healthier)
• How perfectionism shows up as procrastination, freezing, and “waiting for Monday”
• What survival mode, decision fatigue, and the invisible load look like in real life
• Asking for help sooner, before you’re drowning (practical examples included)
• A faith reminder from Philippians 1:6 when you feel behind or discouraged

Fuel for the Road Ahead:

• Takeaway: When life interrupts, don’t reset your whole life, resume with one small step at a time.
• Reflection Question: When life interrupts again, what would it look like to respond differently?

New episodes drop every week.

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Follow the show on Instagram → @trustingherjourneypodcast
Follow Felicia → @soulguidedhealing_wellness
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Looking for Therapy?

Christalyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina. She offers faith-integrated therapy for women navigating burnout, boundaries, and emotional exhaustion.
→ carolinacounselingsc.com

Felicia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas,  She provides trauma-informed, somatic-based therapy for women ready to heal and reconnect with themselves.
→ soulguidedhealing...

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Trust in Her Journey Podcast. I'm Felicia.

SPEAKER_03 0:03

And I'm Crystaline.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

This podcast is a safe space for women who are caring a lot. Women who are trying to trust themselves again while managing the weight of their roles and responsibilities.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

We know what it's like to feel stretched in because you're constantly showing up for everyone and putting your own needs last. Here we have honest conversations about the silent struggles many women face.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

We're so glad you're here. In every episode, we'll talk about the real challenges women navigate, whether it's juggling work and family, carving out time for yourself, or learning to trust your instincts again.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

You'll hear us share personal stories and lessons from our experience to help you trust your path and rethink what peace and balance actually looks like for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Our goal is to guide you through the hard moments with honest conversations about boundaries, self-care, and leaning on your faith for strength.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure about how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Just a quick heads up. This podcast isn't a substitute for working with a licensed counselor or therapist. But don't worry, if you need that kind of support, we've got some resources for you in the show notes. Let's start the conversation. Little tickle in your throat. Make sure you stay on top of your secret that you gave me last time, the throat coat, that tea girl, that helped me out. So I hope I hope you're taking your own advice.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

Good job.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Good job.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Yes, this cup has been my bestie for the last couple days, but um, we're gonna make sure that we take care of ourselves just like we've been encouraging our listeners to. This episode is so personal to me, and I know it's personal to Felicia because we've been living it. We had we still have every intention of coming back soon than now, and being consistent with how we put out our episodes and then life. Like holidays and family and kids and work and everything just happening at once. And January is crazy busy for me because all the people I love celebrate birthdays this month. Same right, same for you, Felicia, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

So today um I want to talk about what to do when life gets in the way of the stuff that I'm gonna say it this way, the stuff that I really want to do. Yeah, not that I don't want to do any of those things that I just mentioned that are associated with the roles I have, but you know, just as a woman, sometimes there's just other things you want to do that you want to prioritize. And life happens and you just can't prioritize those things. And um, we want to talk about how to keep going, how to not quit. And if you have to do like a reset or a pause, how to come back without shame and without guilt, without needing things to be perfect. Some of us have a lot of goals and we have a lot of faith because we love God and life keeps interrupting. Um, and so if you've been tired of starting over, I mean you've been beating yourself up, I think this episode is gonna be um beneficial, it's gonna be helpful.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah, I also believe that this episode can be helpful for any woman who feels like, you know, or you've said, I fell off again. Um, I'm not on track. I am not keeping the promises that I made to myself or I've made to myself before. Um, this is for you because we don't want you to believe that you're doing something wrong. We know what it feels like to try and stay consistent, um, to try and keep up with our goals. And as you mentioned, life just keeps happening. So we hope that you continue to listen to this episode because we feel like you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Yes, yes. So uh Felicia, share with us. Well, let's just talk like it's just me and you.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Okay, I like that.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

As you are moving through this new year, what is one real thing, and it may be multiple things, but try to see if we can point out one real life thing that has disrupted your routine more than you expected it to.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Um, let's see. I feel like there are a few things, and I'm just gonna say it without giving the disclaimer like I normally try to, but and you know, justify my response. But I will say I was not prepared for some of these um days off from school and daycare for my kids. Like uh I feel like it really did disrupt um how I navigate the start of my new year. And for example, I over the past few years, I didn't do like a vision board, I didn't write out like New Year's resolutions, but I really did spend time processing what worked for me, what didn't work for me, and what I would like to see more of, you know, as I continue into the new year. And during when we returned home from the holidays uh from visiting family, I just felt like, oh my God, I cannot get myself together. Like my daughter was out of school for a few days before during the first week, during last week. Um, so it was kind of like, okay, how do I get back into the routine? How do I hold space for making sure I'm intentional with her while also trying to get back in the gym because that is like my stress reliever, that's one of my safe spaces. How do I sit down and plan goals? How do I plan for my business? I just felt all over the place. I'm not even gonna lie, it felt truly chaotic. Um, so I was trying to jump back in, but I did not know how to jump back in. So that interrupted me in the start of my year. And if I can be honest, I'm still trying to find my footing. I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like even as we enter the second or third week of the year.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Yeah, that's I think that's a real um difficult thing to navigate for a lot of moms, even if you have a spouse. Um single moms, I can only imagine. Yeah, I can only imagine it because it is hard even when two people are doing it together. Um and I I would say this so my daughter is in the fifth grade, so this is essentially my fifth year navigating that. And every year is different. Every year I either make a change to my schedule or routine, or I make a change to her schedule and routine because our needs are different, or I recognize something didn't work, um or will no longer work just because of the age and stage that she's at, or just where we are in our life. Um but yes, the school school being out. I love my daughter being home for school. I love it. I'm not the parent that's like, oh, I can't wait for the kids. I'm just not that wrong. Yeah, I love her being home and it's a lot. She's only so it's the three of us. And so I am her entertainment.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yes, yes, and that's the thing. I'm so glad that you mentioned that. I love that number one, I have the um option to keep my kids at home with me when school is closed because I know everyone is not afforded the same flexibility with their schedule. So I don't take that for granted at all. And I love that it's you know, intentional time for me and her to do things like, hey, let's go here. Hey, you want to go eat here? And it's a lot of energy. Constant, it's constant energy, it's constant playing, it's constant, like, let me be beside you. And so because I know me and the way my attention span is these days, girl, I be all over the place, like, oh yeah, I need to do this, but I also need to do that. So that that interruption really caused things to kind of shift for me and also put a pause on the way that I move through like my month and setting my intentions and setting my year up.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Yes, I agree. For me, it was more than I expected because I know I expected things to be a little lighter because oh, she's getting older. And yeah, no, sis, still wanna she want to do all the things. Yeah, she still spent a little bit more time on her own. Yeah, but it's like that what they call a parallel play. So she wants me to be in the space where she doesn't want to play with me. Yes, she doesn't want to talk, she just wants me to be in the room with her. So it's like, mommy, what are you doing? You working, you got clients, and so um a few years ago, I decided that I just I break. That is when I do my winter rest and research. So I don't even see clients during the weeks that she's out of school, and that does help things to not feel as chaotic because she does want my sorry real life because she does want my attention, and I still I thought, you know, she's 11. Like, there's no way she we still had to do play dates, we still had to do all the things, yeah, and and I'm grateful for for that to be my um primary concern of the thing that was my biggest disruption. Yeah, I'm grateful.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yeah, and and I'm glad that you know I'm hearing you say that because it feels good to hear that another mom experienced some of the same feelings around it and like knowing that your daughter is older than Nola, it's kind of like, okay, so this is what I could potentially look forward to. But this also kind of highlights the idea that sometimes, you know, the interruptions that we experience in our lives, they don't always have to be considered like dramatic or something big. Sometimes it's just like everyday life stressors that occur that we are trying to navigate. And you don't have to um ignore them or even sweep them under the rug because it's not something that is viewed as like this major life event that happens. It's still life that exists, and it causes things to shift and change. But even thinking about that, I am curious to hear from you when life interrupts. Like, what's the first thing you kind of start telling yourself in your head?

SPEAKER_03 12:28

Uh well, I was thinking about when you were talking, I was thinking about um you said that it's not always dramatic. Because for me, sometimes I catch myself and I won't ask for help. Or um someone I care about, a friend will message me, hey, what's going on? And I, oh, everything's good because in my the default sometimes is to compare to what other people may be going through. See how earlier I made sure I was intentional with by saying, Well, but I'm grateful though. Yeah, yeah. Because I because a part of me still has to remember that just because I'm talking about what's happening, it doesn't mean I'm complaining. It doesn't mean I'm grateful. I don't have to say that I'm grateful. God knows in my heart that I am. So sometimes what I'm telling myself is, oh, it's not a big deal. Um, you really shouldn't be concerning yourself with that. Other people have more things going on in their life, more dramatic things, more traumatic things, more stressful things. Your life is actually really good. Don't start complaining. Like these are the things I start telling. How dare you complain? Um, just it'll be fine. Just get over yourself. Things that are just not helpful. Things I would never say to anybody else. Um, and it's not, oh, you just have one kid, so you don't get to complain. All of these things that just are just not healthy and a borderline toxic, if I'm honest. Um, but that's the kind of stuff. So it's not even the interruption necessarily, it's the spiral that starts to happen with what I start telling myself. And then I'm wondering why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Well, yeah, you've been trying to figure all this out on your own when you could have just taken a minute to have a conversation with a girlfriend and have some laughs, just take a break from mommy. Yeah, maybe would have given you what you needed to get through the rest of the day. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Um similar, and it's what you said like you should be grateful that you know you have the flexibility to keep um your children at home. You have a home. Even in the beginning, when you um first asked me the question, you know, I was like, okay, I'm not gonna start with the the um disclaimer around, but I love my kids, but you know, I want that's truly where my mind will go sometimes. Like, you know, mom guilt will kick in, or there'd be this space where it's like, okay, well, you should be able to navigate being a mom and owning a business and showing up as a dark. Like, you should be able to navigate all of those things. So the the spiraling begins with me around like expectations, and let me be clear, unrealistic expectations. Sometimes I place on myself or I allow other people to place on me. Um, that'll begin to show up and and just guilt around it. And even as you said, um Jenny Morrell asking for help or even saying, like, okay, maybe let me say, you know what, I I need to do these things today. So let me see if her dad can take off, which naturally he's like, I'll take off. And I'm like, no, no, no, you go to work. I work from home anyway. So, you know, again, things around that. You work from home, you own your business, you can have more flexibility in your schedule. And it's like, girl, please, yes, all of those things are true, and this still can this still can exist. It can still be a lot to navigate this and be grateful for how you can navigate it differently from other people.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Yeah, you work from home. That the optimum word is you're working.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Now I don't know what other people do, but I know in our field of work, although it is not physical labor involved. Girl. Yeah, it's and it can there are some days, some days are lighter than others, and but a lot of days are not because we are really intentional about being present for our clients and holding space for them. And that requires a lot of energy, um, mental energy that sometimes you like, thank you, Lord, for giving me what I need to be able to hold the space. Because on my own, I know I couldn't do it. Um do you feel like because I think part of part of what I know to be true is that you know, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how we show up are important. Um so do you think that it's the interruption itself? Like when you mentioned about the kids being out of school and not really knowing, like how realizing how much that was going to kind of shake things up in your life. Do you think that that was a problem? Or is it what happened after the interruption, like once you were actually in the midst of the days of school or school being closed and all the days passing by? Like you mentioned, the guild and all of that.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

I think it's what happens after for me personally. Um because I feel like that's where, as you mentioned, the spiraling, the story that we tell ourselves, like the things that we kind of say leads to a space of shame. It leads to a place of guilt, as I mentioned. And then I start to, you know, question, okay, well, you normally work out or you normally do this. So now you're quitting on this. Now you can't follow through with this. Um, here you go again, you're about you can't be consistent, you can't, you know, follow through with what you say you want. And I get wrapped up in sometimes if it doesn't look a certain way, or it's not step by step that I am afraid I will completely like just quit or give up on it or not show up. And that's just in specific areas. It's not every area because there are some areas that I'm like, okay, I missed this day here, but I'm gonna pick right back up. Then there are other times where it's like, oh girl, here you go. If you don't follow through with this, it's gonna be yet another thing that you quit, or yet another thing that you couldn't do or you wouldn't do. So for me, it's after. It's it's honestly what happens after it's because it's a story that I'm telling myself, and then like what I'm feeding the story, how I'm watering the story and not really like calming myself down, taking myself out of the chaos. I'm going deeper, I'm digging a deeper hole each time.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Yes, well, and the truth is, um, and this may be true for our listeners, I'll speak for me. I am 100% of the time doing that in isolation. Yes. I am not, I am not, I haven't ever gone through a series of uh, I'm gonna call them little episodes where I'm telling myself all these crazy things that I should not, I know I should not be talking to myself or about myself in that way, and I'm not responding. To text messages. Yeah. I'm not. I am not, I'm not gonna do no lunch dates with friends. I am not hard talking to my mama much. Because I already know I heard a Holy Spirit gonna tell her something to say to me. And I'm gonna have to put myself together. I'm not, yeah. So, but if I give allow myself to be cared for the way I care for other women, other people that reach out, hey y'all, I'm just I need, I don't know what I need. I need something. Yeah. Because sometimes even with the parenting thing, is I need to talk to one of my friends who's been who's been a mom longer than me or been married longer than me or something like that, who will I know will pray for me or give me something really practical I can do. But I'm definitely not when I am trying to perfect my life, yeah. When I'm trying to perfect my life, I'm I'm not calling you. You can read me.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

No, that is so true because I was going to ask you, do you feel like that is the perfectionist part sometimes showing up? Like, you know what? I don't want people to hear my in my terms, my mini crash out. Like, it's enough that um my husband is already here hearing me crash out on the low and probably looking at me like, girl, what is going on? What you and sometimes he will be like, what's happening right now? How what what are we what are we going through? Um, but I am with you. I'm for me, it's like, you know, I'll follow up with people, but I am not as open with what I am trying to navigate. So, like, I'm gonna respond to a question. If they reach out to me, I'm gonna respond about the show. You know, I'm generic though. It's very generic, it's very basic. When I'm in the middle of my mini crash outs, I don't say much about what's happening. But then when I pull myself out of it and I feel like, okay, uh, the version that I know is coming back, then I'm I'm willing to share a little bit more about what I'm going through. So to me, it sounded like, oh shoot, that might be the perfectionist part of me sometimes trying to show up, wanting to keep that part, you know, closed off and then share this with other people. But it leads me to this question being that you actually said that. What's one way you feel like perfectionism shows up when you are trying to get back on track? So when you said, you know, like I'm trying to perfect my life or get my life together, what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_03 22:52

Oh, it's never the right time. It's never, it's always I gotta do one more thing to make sure that things are aligned.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Um, or they look a certain way to me. I'm not really as concerned about how it looks to other people, but in my mind, yeah, it needs to look a certain way, be a certain way, feel a certain way. Um, money needs to look a certain way in the bank account, or the schedule needs to have this amount of time available, or um it things need to be a certain and I want to do it perfectly. I'm definitely not using that word. Yeah, my actions um are showing that I'm not, if it's not a certain way, then why even bother? What's the point? And that definitely 100% of the time keeps me stuck. So then what happens is I move from trying to make things perfect and I know they can't be to now I'm just procrastinating.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Yeah, yeah, I'm frozen.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Yeah, I think that is actually what it looks like for so many of us as women. Like when we are trying to get our lives back on track um in whatever way we define that, or we're trying to, you know, work through some of those, you know, disruptions we're experiencing in our lives. A lot of times we do get stuck in the, hey, it needs to look a certain way. Um, we need to have it this way. It need to be at this time. We need to, for me, I'll say things like, well, Monday is a fresh start. Let me just wait until Monday. Oh, girl, girl, I know that it's wild. I'm I'm trying to release myself from that. But even just the thought of that, like, okay, we're approaching a new week. I can try to do this differently during this week. I can show up and so yeah, we get stuck in. I want it to look a certain way, I want it to feel a certain way. I know for me, I also want a specific feeling attached to it. And I don't even know if that feeling aligns with the goal or the thing that I'm working on at the time, but I kind of generalize the feeling to be the same for every situation, and that just keeps me stuck automatically.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Right. Well, you know, sadly enough, because we uh air quotes know better, yeah. At no point did y'all hear us say we stop and we pray and we ask God to know, and that is not y'all don't do that, yeah. Um, what the one of the intentions I have set um for myself for um at the end of the year for this year, and so I tried to practice a little bit more. I'm not gonna perfect it because that's not the expectation God has for me, but to consult him about even the small things. I know I tend to go to God and not necessarily with huge things because I talk to him about a lot of different things, but I mean, what what is it? Who who is it that I need to support today? The clients that I have to see, God, give me what I need to be able to encourage them today. Um, or if this is a session where I need to keep my mouth closed, God, help me to be able to be quiet, right? Because sometimes, well, that's another conversation.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:22

Um what it what how much should I go to the gym? How much time should I spend at the gym today? What is it I need to be eating today? Who is it I need to be talking to today? I want to be in a place where my conversations with God are more like that, because I know that what was gonna happen inevitably is there'll be less of that negative, toxic talking that I'm doing when I feel like I gotta, like you said, wait till Monday.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

What's gonna be different about Monday? Yeah, and today is Wednesday. Like, why do I have to wait until Monday?

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Um, so God help me. Give me the courage to be able to restart if that's what you want from me. Yeah, or pause if that's what you want from me, or to just resume if that's what you want from me. That's where I that's how I want to grow in my faith. Um, but I so since I mentioned restarting, Felice, tell me why do you think we do do restart everything instead of resuming? Why do we have to wait till Monday to start the diet or the exercise plan?

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Um, even for me, I think the idea of just like restarting versus resuming sometimes it's because it just feels cleaner. I mean, like when you restart, it feels like, okay, I get a new opportunity to do something different. So I get to wipe my slate clean. I, you know, I don't have to sit with some of the behavior, some of the choices or even actions that I made when, you know, I kind of felt like I was off track. I think, you know, when we think about resuming, it feels messy. If we can be honest, it just feels like, hey, I don't need to erase the old stuff.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

I don't need to have time.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

It just feels very messy. And when we restart, it can feel like, again, a clean slate. We get to do something different. Um, I think also sometimes if we can be honest, what I've heard through sessions and what I've experienced for myself is that we think that starting over erases guilt. I mean, it's just what it is. We feel like um, you know, when we restart, it gives us an opportunity to kind of like move away from some of the shame that we're experiencing. And sometimes when we are like we pause and then we actually resume from the place that we paused at, it can feel like, why am I sitting with this and why is this coming with me again? What do you what do you want me to do with this? Especially if it was chaos, if it felt chaotic, if the the week felt chaotic, if we had um a situation or you know, relationships in our lives that that feel chaotic, we get to start fresh. And I I think all of us will say we like a fresh start. We don't we don't often want to start um pause and then resume. We just want to completely start over. But I think that that also comes with control. We love to control the way things play out, and that plays into the perfectionism that we talked about before. And I also think that that kind of plays into motivation. We get to control our motivation again from the beginning versus trying to get motivated from this point after we hit pause.

SPEAKER_03 30:05

Right. So during the pause, then what we think we're building up our momentum again. That's what we tell ourselves. I'm getting prepared for the restart for the Monday, right? I'm gonna go to the store and buy all the things and go buy all the workout clothes, and I need all these things.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

Um, so I'm being more productive.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Yes. And that's what it is. That's what we tell ourselves. Restart means we're being productive. Um, but if we can be honest, sometimes we get stuck in I'm going to start over so I can be productive in a way that we completely avoid it. So as you mentioned earlier, we just shut down, we kind of freeze, we don't do anything, and we allow the stories to unfold. And that's where the guilt and the shame kind of settles in, and we don't make any moves. Whatever that move could be, we don't start to move.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Yeah. Yeah, no, nothing happens. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

So even with that, thinking about like um restarting or just like resuming from the place that we're at sometimes when we experience like these interruptions in life, do you feel like there is uh something that happens in our bodies, or even as some people will say, like the nervous system giving us, you know, some warnings, what would you say kind of shows up?

SPEAKER_03 31:35

So automatically our brain shifts into survival mode. Um, when life is going, going, going, things feel nonstop. Your nervous system focuses on what's urgent, what needs to be done right now. I don't have, I don't have the capacity to navigate anything else. So there's kids, work, bills. Um unfortunately, sometimes just partner response takes a backseat. It just depends on how you're wired, right? Um, it does not allow your brain, it's not thinking about like what is meaningful or important sometimes. It's what has to be done. So things like focusing on your own personal goals, um, like you mentioned, working out, um, like us recording your podcast, those things automatically take a back seat to the stuff that we feel like we gotta get done because we're trying to survive. And then let's add in things like decision fatigue.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

So every time I turn around, I gotta make another decision. How many times have you stepped away and found a dark space to go and cry or stepped in the shower because it's like here again, something else. Yeah, yeah, something else. Yeah, I don't want to have to decide. Y'all pick. I don't want to have to pick anything else because there's too many decisions I've already had to make. And a lot of people are talking about things like the invisible load and things like that, because it's true. A lot of people, I'll speak for women, a lot of us are making decisions that nobody is giving us credit for.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

And yeah, if you work from home, I think it's worse sometimes. Oh, yeah. Your people don't know, like I'm not just sitting here painting my nails.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

I gotta think about the next thing I gotta think about. Yeah, I have to plan, I still gotta plan meals, bills still have to be paid, laundry still has to be done, all these things still have to be done. Yes, it's some of that easier because I'm at home. Yeah, but I'm still exhausted, yeah. And so because sometimes I'm so exhausted, I freeze. Everybody's stress response, it's different, right? We have flight, flight freeze, and mine is freeze. That looks like procrastination. Yeah, I'm not lazy at all, but I when I get overloaded, that's it. Yeah, nothing's getting done. No, that is an automatic response. That is how my body chooses to protect me when I am overloaded, so it's gonna slow me down. Yep, it's gonna, and that looks like avoiding things. It looks like y'all, I'm just not, I'm not gonna get it done. I'm gonna binge watch the show on Netflix and it's gonna be good and all it's gonna be right in my worlds.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

Yes, a hundred percent the same. I I will procrastinate. As you mentioned, I'm not a lazy person. When things need to get done, I'm going to be on it, but I will procrastinate. I'm also one that I'll feel like, okay, well, let me start this here, let me do this this project, let me do this project. So I'm jumping from thing to thing just to feel like I'm being productive, and then I crash, and I crash in a way of which I'm watching TV, I'm not doing anything. I and and it's not that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just taking my attention to something else, and it doesn't feel like that is helping me either. It's just like a distraction from what is really going on at the moment. Right.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

Yeah. So then do you think and you and I both admitted that during those times we don't ask for help. We don't. Um so do you think that that's a common struggle for a lot of women?

SPEAKER_01 35:34

I do. I don't want to speak for others, but I I do agree. Um, from just having conversations with women from, you know, different age groups too. Uh it turns into a space of like not wanting to ask for help, or even the thought of not wanting to disappoint anyone. So it's like I'm gonna I'm gonna do the things, but uh I'm not gonna do them well, or even I'm gonna go into isolation. Um, it's what you mentioned before. Like, I'm just gonna stay to myself, I am um not gonna ask for help. I just feel like I'm guilty for resting, so I don't even want to tell people that I'm resting. Oh god. We just we just all experience some of the same things. Some people will completely avoid tasks, some people will double down on doing things, you know, just to feel like they are um accomplishing something. But yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

So something that so we both admitted something that we probably didn't think we were gonna admit in this conversation. Um, that we do kind of isolate or kind of it's like a baby or mini isolation, right? We don't totally cut everybody off, but y'all just not gonna hear from us in the same way. Yeah, we have not little mini crash out. Oh well, and this is that's separate from the you just need to rest. That's not what we're talking about. Um, so but I guess what I'm thinking about is the women who the woman who's listening who's like, okay, well, I know this interruption is coming, right? Well, since we went to school, spring break is coming. So you need to tell me every time a break comes, this is how I'm gonna feel, this is what I'm gonna go through. Yeah. And the answer is likely yes, if you don't have a plan in place for yourself, if you've told yourself you cannot ask for help, if you've convinced yourself that nobody can do it, like you can do it, so you don't know who should do it. If you all of the if you continue to tell yourself these negative, unhelpful things, then yeah, you can plan to be stressed and overwhelmed at the next interruption because you don't we don't have the healthiest or most sustainable plan in place. So I already know that because we're having this conversation, that Felicia and I are going to be really intentional with how we take care of ourselves and each other during the next upcoming break.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Yes, agreed. So, okay, even with that, you know, as you mentioned, just being intentional with taking care of ourselves, but also taking care of your sister or the other women that are in your lives that are going through things as well. What is one sentence or one thing that you would tell um any woman that kind of feels behind right now? Really something that um, you know, she can kind of say to herself when she's feeling tempted to quit or to give up or throw in the towel. What would you say?

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Um I'd say what I've said to myself that all of my progress still counts. Um that I don't have to keep restarting it. I could just pause and then I can resume. That I can carry everything to God through prayer. I don't have to try to figure it out on my own. Just because I pause don't mean I'm stopping. We talked about this right before recording. Like there's some things that I've had to pause. I am not stopping. And I'm definitely not restarting. I am definitely not restarting. Um, you know, trying to start it over or start it again or try to perfect it. I'm just I'm pausing it.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

And I unpause or resume when I know it's the right time. Um, what about you? What are you thinking? Or something you would want to say to yourself?

SPEAKER_01 39:55

Um some of the same things that you mentioned, like I don't have to. I can just pause and resume like from where I'm at. But another one is just like I say this often in sessions, like you're not behind. Like you're not behind in life. You are not failing. Like it is okay for things to happen in your life because you're human. So just because things happen, you don't automatically have to go to a space of just like judging yourself, being filled with guilt, being filled with shame. That's something that I'm also telling myself. Like, just because I envision something to look or be a specific way and it's not happening, it will not take away from what I've done and what I will continue to do. I'm human, things happen, I'm not behind. Like, keep going. And whatever version of the going is for you, and air quotes like, do that. Just don't feel like you have to shut down, or even something that I'm gonna work on as like isolate myself because I have the proper tools and the words to ask for help. I just need to do it.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Yes, you just gotta do it. Yeah, no matter the help, doesn't have to be big. Um it could be like you said, asking your husband to take the time off of work or change the schedule up a little bit, or handle bedtime routine so that you can take a break from doing it or whatever the thing is. Yeah, um most of us don't ask for help until we are drowning, unfortunately. Yeah, that is real, and and we are blessed to have husbands who notice. Yeah, yeah, or they just like you get on my nerves, so Timmy will probably that part too. But whatever it is, whatever the reason that part too. So, you know, I think the off um asking for help, accepting the help or the support.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Yeah, and that in the help and the support. I love that you mentioned, you know, sometimes it's I just want to acknowledge that it doesn't always have to be surrounding your kids. It can be like, hey, to a friend, um, did you cook extra dinner tonight? You think I can come over? You think you got a plate? Or, you know, it can even be something like, hey, I am having an off week where I feel like I cannot like find my foot in. I can't keep myself going. Can you give me some words of encouragement? Um, can you care what ways you are able to navigate this? I know there are times you know, I've reached out to you, like, hey, this is happening. Hey, what would you do? Like, I've even sent her a voice note before and say, like, hey, it's so much going on. I just need you to drop a word of prayer. Like, I don't need you to do anything in terms of showing up in that way. I just need you to pray for me or I need you to pray for my family, whatever that looks like. So, in whatever way you need help, just kind of put yourself out there with people that you feel safe with. That's the thing. A lot of times we're trying to seek help from people that we don't even feel safe asking for help. So let's go to our trusted people that we are able to even let our guards down just a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

Yeah, I think that's good. I sent a friend recently, I sent her a voice note, and then after I recorded it, I sent another text. I was like, hey, trigger warning, trigger warning. Before you listen, just wanted you to know. Um, but I needed to share, and she shared with me that she was just, she felt so she was filled with gratitude that I um trusted her enough to be able to share with her. And it wasn't nothing, you know, well, I guess it was life-changing in that that was another opportunity for me to practice being vulnerable and letting someone show up for me, someone that I trust show up for me in a way that I show up for others. And don't even think, I don't even second guess it when I try to do the same thing for someone else. So actually practicing um allowing people to love on me the way I love on them.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

Agreed. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Um, Philippians one and six says, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Um, in this chapter, um, Paul is talking to the Christians and Philippi, and what um he's reminding them of is the same thing that I'm hoping that you all are getting from this conversation. Um, God has got our the long game in mind for us. So we don't have to try to work out every little intricate detail of our life, and we don't have to perfect this path, this journey that we're on. So when life interruptions happen and we have um we felt like we pause things too long, or we're starting again and again and again, and we feel like we're messing up, it's okay. It is all right. There is no expectation for us to do things perfectly. The work that he has begun in us is still going to be seen through to the end. Sometimes we do miss the mark. I think um sometimes you feel like you miss your moment or your season um because we made a mistake or we've been frozen too long. We talked about that in another episode. But God is our God, the God I choose to believe in and love and trust. He is never out of options for me. So even in my imperfect times, when I miss the mark or I pause too long, or my frozen too long, he's still working things out behind the scenes. I choose to believe that. My life has been, I've seen that um evidence of that so many more times than I can even count. That when I thought it was it, God was like, no way, yeah. I got you. I got you. You're gonna be all right. Everything's gonna be okay. The things always end up turning out way better than I could have even planned. Um, he'll always bring us back in ways that we might not expect. So um just trust him. He's got the best plans for us if we just trust him and seek him first.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Yeah, that's my two cents about that.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

I love that. So that also leads us into one thing that we love to do on the um podcast is leave you all with some fuel for the road ahead. So we wanted to give you two takeaways that will help you move throughout this week and just just this year in general. Um, I feel like they'll be helpful beyond this conversation that we're having this week. But the first one is we've mentioned this throughout the episode, but resume, don't restart. So even when it feels like life is interrupting you, don't reset your whole life. Just resume with one small step. So even if that is writing a note of, you know what, I'm gonna get up today, even if that's you know what, instead of me binge watching this 30-minute episode, I'm gonna journal for five minutes. I'm a journal for five minutes, and then I'll go to the episode at least to release some of the things that I'm feeling. If it's, you know what, I didn't make it to the gym on Tuesday, so it feels like I am completely done with the week. Girl, use Tuesday and Wednesday, whatever day has the rest day, and go to the gym the next day, whatever it is. It doesn't have to consistency does not mean it needs to look the same all the time. You don't have to keep the same days of the week, the same times. Right. Sometimes consistency looks like resuming, it looks like taking a pause and then picking up where you left off.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

Yeah, I like that. I think the gym is a big thing for a lot of people. Gyms and guys, especially this time of year. Yeah. If you can't do Monday, Wednesday, Friday, if you miss Monday, just go Tuesday. It's okay. Yeah, I get it. Sometimes your work schedule or whatever life doesn't allow that to happen, but you can you don't have to wait till Monday again. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 48:30

And don't let those people on the internet fool you and say, you know, never miss a Monday. Girl, miss the Monday, take care of yourself and then do your own thing. Like, do not read too deep into that.

SPEAKER_03 48:43

Right, I agree. Um, one question we want you all to think about, we want to leave you with is if, and I'm gonna say actually, probably when.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Yeah, let's let's change that to when.

SPEAKER_03 48:56

When life interrupts you again this week or next week, what would it look like for you to respond differently this time? When the interruption happens, what could it look like for you to respond in a different way? How are you gonna talk to yourself in a different way? How are you gonna show up for yourself in a different way this time? Okay, if you felt like, you know what, last 10 what times I didn't, it doesn't matter. How are you gonna choose what choice are you gonna make? What different choice are you gonna make?

SPEAKER_00 49:32

I like that one, I like the way you reframe that.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

So remember the goal is to make some progress, yes, try to perfect the process to not try to perfect the journey.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

Agreed.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

You agree?

SPEAKER_01 49:48

I agree, yes.

SPEAKER_03 49:49

We are reminding ourselves of the same thing, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

We are, and you better believe we send each other these accountability voice notes like girl, what you resting? Are you doing this? So, yes, we are there with you a hundred percent. We just want to say thank you so much for listening to this episode. Um, if you are listening to the audio version, make sure you head over to YouTube because you can see us on video. Um, and you can see all of our facial expressions, which sometimes are too funny, and we be telling ourselves before we record, like, control your face. Don't do this, don't do that. But again, please um make sure that you go over to YouTube, subscribe, don't forget to comment, share, like, um, share with your friends and family, and also look at the show notes um if you are listening to this through an audio platform and um sign up for our email community. We send out emails weekly with a lot of gems and some additional takeaways from the episode.

SPEAKER_03 50:58

All right, thank y'all so much for listening. We will check in with y'all next week.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

All right, bye. That's it for today's conversation. We're so glad you joined us.

SPEAKER_03 51:08

If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to subscribe, share with a friend, or leave us a review. It helps more women like you find this space.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

Join us next time for another honest conversation. Until then, take care of yourself and trust your journey.