Between Breaths: Where I've Been

Life doesn't always follow the schedule I planned.

In this first Between Breaths mini episode, I'm sharing where I've been over the last few weeks after an unexpected loss turned life upside down. From navigating grief and supporting the people I love to a drive that almost became a trip to the beach, this is an honest check-in about the messy, human moments that happen between the bigger stories.

I also share a series of strange coincidences—a dog, a musical, and a movie character who all shared the same name as someone I had just lost—and why those moments brought unexpected comfort during a difficult season.

The next full episode is coming. But for now, this is where I am.

Between breaths.

Transcript

A New Mini Episode Format

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, friends, and welcome back to Just Breathe Confessionals. I'm Daria. Today is a little different. This one isn't one of my usual full-length episodes, which full length to me is about nine minutes. In fact, this is the very first episode of something I'm calling Between Breaths. If you're wondering what that means, I'm still trying to figure that out too. I think these episodes are gonna be little check-ins between the bigger stories. Less polished, less planned, and maybe a little more real time. Just a place to pause and talk about whatever season of life I happen to be walking through at that moment. And lately, life has been a lot. I had every intention of releasing my next full episode this month, literally this Friday. I was planning to sit down and record an episode about college

The Loss That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_00 1:18

and what I actually went to school for, which was sound. The notes are there, the episode is planned, and it's still coming, but over the last few weeks, someone very close to me passed away unexpectedly. I'm intentionally keeping the details private because it's not entirely my story to tell, but what I can share is that it completely turned my boyfriend's life and my life upside down. Since then, we've been trying to navigate grief, support family, show up where we're needed, and somehow continue living our everyday lives at the same time. And I don't know. I don't think I've ever experienced grief quite like this before. I've lost people before, but this feels different. I lost my grandma when I was 11, but I don't really remember that. And then I lost my grandpa when I was 16, but this one just feels very

Grief And The Urge To Drive

SPEAKER_00 2:32

different. And it's strange how grief shows up. Sometimes it's sadness, sometimes it's exhaustion, sometimes it's feeling completely normal for an hour, and then suddenly remembering that someone is gone. A few days ago, I was driving to the movie theaters. It was maybe a 25-minute drive, and somewhere along the way, I just thought, what if I don't go to the movie theaters? What if I just keep driving? What if I just keep driving straight? And that would lead me to either Santa Rosa or Bodega Bay. And I could do that drive. I know I could. And I don't know what came over me. I just wanted to keep driving. Not because I wanted to disappear, not because I wanted to run away. I think I just wanted a break. And before I knew it, I was just imagining myself sitting on a beach somewhere, listening to the waves and just breathing for a little while. No schedules, no plans, just the ocean. I didn't do it, obviously. I went to the movie. But that moment stuck with me because I realized how badly I wanted somewhere quiet enough to hear myself think.

His Name Keeps Showing Up

SPEAKER_00 4:08

One of the hardest and honestly weirdest parts of this grief happened during the first week after this person's passing. About two days after he passed away, I met a dog that had the exact same name as him. Remember stopping for a second and thinking, that's strange. But it tickled my heart. Then a few days later, I was working on the poster for the next year's musical at the high school. I was researching the show and looking through the credits when I realized one of the composers shared his name as well. Again, I stopped and thought, okay, it's another weird coincidence. And then I went to see a movie. I was actually hoping the movie would help me, shut my brain off for a couple hours. Truthfully, I wasn't even enjoying it that much. I kept thinking about leaving during the first 20 minutes. But then I realized one of the main characters had his name too. At that point, I almost want to tell Yale, you've got to be kidding me. A dog, a musical, a movie. All during the same week. Three completely unrelated places. Now, maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe it's just one of those things you notice because someone is already on your mind. But I don't know. Part of me felt like it was his way of saying I'm okay. And whether that's true or not, it brought me comfort for that moment. Sometimes grief makes you look for meaning. Sometimes it makes you notice things you would have otherwise missed. And for a few moments that week, those little reminders made me feel a little less alone.

Letting Go Of Perfect Consistency

SPEAKER_00 6:12

So I guess that's where I've been. I've been grieving. I've been supporting people I love. I've been working summer school. I've been trying to make sense of things that don't really make sense. And I've been trying to remember that it's okay to be human. I wanted season two to have the same consistency that season one had. I wanted every episode perfectly planned and released exactly when I imagined. But sometimes life has other plans. And sometimes the most honest thing we can do is acknowledge where we are instead of pretending we're somewhere else. So if you've been wondering where I've been, that's the answer. I've been here. Living life, missing people, finding comfort where I can, taking things one day at a time. Thank you for giving me the space to show up exactly as I am today. The next full episode is coming. But for now, I think this is where I am. Between breaths.