Episode9: Friendships - Season & FOMO

As we get older our friendships change. In High School they are a little catty, bitchy and full of drama. When we are in college they are the same, but with a more sophisticated tone. As young moms, the extras seem to fade and we roll into this sisterhood of women who really need each other. Then, as our children grow up, friends move away or we move away. The distance with busy schedules and jobs, responsibilities and lack of sleep make for the perfect storm to leave any woman feeling left out, unseen, and maybe even a little forgotten. 

Some friendships we learn over time are just for a season and some are for life. And when our "lifers" get busy we know that when we do finally get to see each other we just get to pick up right where we left off! 

This episode I dive into my personal story lately of old friendships that fizzled out and new ones blossoming along side my lifers that make for one heck of a story! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, hey, Sarah here, your host of the podcast Speaking Serenes. This is episode nine, um, which means I I do one as of right now. Uh I do one episode a month, which means we are on the ninth month. And that means, yo, we are so close to doing one whole year of the podcast. Uh, eventually, maybe I'll do more, but I think once a month feels really good for me right now. And speaking of feeling good right now, uh, today's episode and a topic that I'm going to talk about is adult relationships, uh, more specific women, adult women relationships. And I've had so many in my life, and you just don't know how crucial, just how absolute crucially, crucial, crucially, how amazing. Are you like that? Where like you cannot spell the word, and you'll go through and you'll put it in your phone, and then you'll try to type it out, and it's just like even auto-correct is like, dude, that's way fucking off. Like, I don't even know what you're saying, and then you completely delete it and you use this completely separate word, but it basically means the same thing. Okay, cool. So, how crucial they are to just living your life if you are single and or if you're married, it just hits different when you can sit around and talk with women, and there's a very distinct difference between um talking to women and bitching to women. Because let's be honest, there's a different energy, there's a different feel when you're sitting around a table of women who are supportive, who are empowering, who are um they just want to see you do well. So when you can when you start to complain, they like go, babe, we're actually not gonna do that. Um, you're better than the bitching and the moaning, right? Like, how can we like help you through the situation so it looks better, right? Um, how can I support you moving forward? Because clearly what's working or what you're doing right now isn't working, as in contrast, or differently when you sit at a table with women and it's just like sludge, isn't it? It's just like sludge where you sit there and it's just like gross, gross, bitching, moaning, um, complaining about their husbands non-stop, or complaining about their jobs, or blah blah blah. And now I get it. I get it. We we there is a moment when everybody just needs to vent, and sometimes you just need to vomit, right? Like I heard somewhere, um, especially for husbands or partners, and I I'm assuming it would work for friends as well. Um, sometimes you just have to hold the bucket, let that person word vomit and bitch and moan, and just let it all fall in the bucket, and then you dump the bucket down the toilet and you flush it, right? It's not a conversation, it's not a nothing, you just have to like word vomit. But it it is a very different energy when you're sitting at a table with people that are um raising you up, calling you for uh to act better, to do better, um, and to not be like a little baby and cry, you know, wham wah, wah. But um, and then just the different seasons of your life, like those adult women friendships uh hit different, don't they? It's almost like well, I'm sure you've heard it too, where like people come in in and out of your life, and sometimes it's for like the rest of your life, and then sometimes it's just for a season, right? Like sometimes people are just not meant to be in your life forever. And so some of those friends are great in those seasons, and I find myself, which is w what has kind of really brought this topic up to me, um, is I was just going through a season where I was watching all of my friends just like living their life, right? Um, having a little bit of FOMO, if you will, uh missing out on them and looking back on those different seasons of my life when it was easy to call on a friend, right? It was easy to just be like picking up and like, hey girl, let's hang out. All right, cool. Uh, we have no responsibilities. Um, and then it gets into the we have young kids, so let's take the kids to the park together and then you and I can chat and the kids can play, and it's just a different season of women, right? And then you get into the season where I'm at now, where gosh, I just unless I run across them in a Facebook post or at the grocery store or something random or funny comes up, like we just basically speak to each other in reels, sending each other's reels or TikToks or uh Facebook posts or something, like we just end up, those are our conversations, and they're so random and they're so far in between, and um just reflecting and feeling very left out. A lot of this is my fault because uh I'm traveling a lot for work, so it is not very uh conducive. Uh, it just don't fit in this schedule. Once again with changing words, um, it just don't fit right now. And so I'm watching all my friends have these great experiences and they're going out and they're hanging out and and they're like meeting up and they're doing these great things, and I'm sitting here like by myself, like nobody's reaching out, nobody's calling me, and and it's not that it's a jealous thing, um, but it's just a more of a longing to go back to when air quote life was simple, when calling up your girlfriend was just what you did. You just you just called her, um, and you hung out, or you walked next door and you nice knock on the door and and like you'd have coffee or whatever, like and um it just it just isn't that in the season. And even if it was that easy, I wouldn't have time for it either. And either would they, right? Like, we just wouldn't don't have time for it. So it's not a um a a poor me, a wham-wham uh type of thing. It's more of a observation of going, gosh, we're just so busy that I don't I don't even I have to schedule, I have to schedule out two or three months in advance when I can hang out with you. Like that's just the season of my life. And it's not a bad thing, it's just kind of a thing. So I was really going through it, really feeling um ick or uh sad about it, and just it's like the minute something like hits hits you sideways or hits a nerve with you, it's almost like that's it, the devil just loves to play that. Oh, let me show you something else that fits into that. Like, let me show you something else, let me show you something else. So I'm sitting in that and um the good old Facebook uh uh friend of mine that is um I wouldn't even call this like super close. We just have really great, like a really great connection um from the beginning. But once again, our lives are busy and moving and traveling and this and that. Um, but she had tagged me in a post uh on the old uh book face face book, book of face anyway, on social media, um, to go on this fishing trip. Uh and I was like, that's really dope if it if it worked out. I mean, at the time it was just busy, travel after travel after travel after travel. Um, and I was like, in the back of my head, I'm like, there's no way this is gonna work out. Like, I'll be gone, I'll be traveling, or I'll be at work, or um, I'll have clients or whatever. Um, there's no way it's gonna work out. And it's almost like and even back up before that, like I was just bending God's ear, like, man, I just uh uh one of my biggest things, um, I would I'd say it's probably my biggest love language, which isn't even a love language, it's just um uh being considered. I love to be considered. Um, whether I can go. Um, it's almost like um one of my, for example, one of my cousins uh kiddos is getting married and we got a little RSVP card. Um, and I got to choose whether I wanted to go or not. I was considered. Um, and I really think that that's great, just being considered. I don't need to always be the top of your list. I don't always need to be like, I don't, I'm not that friend that needs to be entertained by you. I'm busy too. Um, but it is really cool to be considered, and it's really cool to get like those Facebook reels or like people think of you. And so I kind of went for a stretch there where I wasn't air quote considered. Um I wasn't getting messages, no one was texting me. Um, but they also saw like on Facebook, you know, that I'm I was crazy busy. So I was bending God's ear a little bit more about please just um help help me feel considered. It doesn't have to be like this huge, like over-the-top, like anything, but just help me in the simple, small ways, help me feel considered with my friends, help me feel loved with my friends. And so this had been a couple months before she even tagged me in this post. Anyway, so I called and um emailed back and forth. We messaged back and forth with the outfitter, and um turns out it was a group of Christian women, and the whole um ministry is about outdoors, and they do hunting fish and stuff like that, and so it was really cool that I was like, oh, like of course it would be a Christian ministry outfitter, like of course it would be, and um, so anyway, we scheduled it all out, and I was like, by the time we actually got all the emailing back and forth done, um, because they were busy, so it took a couple days, you know, and then I responded, and then it took a couple days and back and forth and back and forth. Anyway, so by the time we actually like figured everything out, it was like two weeks out from this trip, and I was like, holy shit. Oh my gosh, I'm actually gonna be able to go. It's gonna be a quick turn-in burn. It's not gonna be one of those luxury uh weekends where it's you know, you get there one day, you have one full day to relax, and you, you know, you're fishing a couple times, you know, in and out. So it wasn't anything big. It was literally a get out there one night, we fish the next day, and then um we're gonna go to church and then we're going home. So it was literally two nights, but like literally one just one full day. And um, so I I got to go. And it's wild to have what's going on in your real life play out in a small little weekend in real time, like in a so like I'm going through this weird storm in my head, right? Of of that FOMO, of missing the past, of not feeling connected with my friends, and all this stuff. And then on the way to this fishing trip, I get there, and there's a tornado or a tornado warning, and then it ended up being a tornado about a mile south of town, and an unconfirmed one, but close enough. The um the uh tornado sirens were going off in town, so we had to like take cover until it passed, and uh it was like heading. Oh my gosh, it was heading right towards us, and so I felt that like in my soul, like it is a storm, it's a storm in my head, and then when we were sitting down and doing devotionals uh throughout that week, we did a couple of them one, two, three, four, about five devotionals where we actually got to sit and um a couple of them were guided and a couple of them were just great conversations, right? Um, talking about the Lord and our lives and um just all that, but it all kind of encompassed this storm, and it was fantastic because it's like that's kind of how I felt. I felt very um unseen. You know how Jesus in the story where he's sleeping on the boat, right through the storm, and the guys on the boat were freaking out, like, what in the heck? Like, wake up, and so it kind of felt like that too. A little like, come on, God, like, wake up! Like, are you are like I'm feeling a little lost here, dude? Uh anything would be great. So having all that happen and then having these great conversations, and then of course catching a paddle fish, which was you know top-tier stuff. Um, I and PS, like, I love the outdoors, but fishing, I love I I love fishing. I'm not great at fishing, like I can fuck up a reel so fast. Like, I'm a Zebco girl, like I just have to stick with my little ZECC. I actually have an open face one and I'm doing really well. I went out fishing the other day and I did really well, but I'm not like the fishing type, but I thought it was just so cool to be in the storm. The the Jesus in the boat and the storm. We were in the storm, and then we were in a boat the next day catching these fish and fellowship, and and then we went to church, and it was just really great, and then just sitting there talking to these women, women I don't even know, and it's like it's like they were all of my friends from the past, like, like each one of them, like it was wild how they reminded me of each of like my seasons of friends, and as they were going through their seasons of lives and they were sharing their stories, like, oh my gosh, like he's literally put me in a room with every person in um in like in spirit, you know what I'm saying? Like, but there was just people like he reminded me of all these women that I love and I cherish, and we just don't get the time to sit down and have these long conversations like we used to, and then we're talking about these storms, and then when we left, we were talking about the fog, and sometimes you're just in the fog, and you just don't know which way to go, and you just kind of have to just relinquish it and just let it be to God. Like I just told him, help me feel considered, help me feel seen, and then I just had to let him just do his thing. I just keep reminding him, help me see signs. I you I don't necessarily need to have a friend, um, like I said, nothing big, but just help me see signs of being considered by my friends, and so I felt kind of like that fog. I just have to trust him. And literally, when we're on our way to church that morning, we all kind of drove in like a little bit of a convoy, and I could not see the car in front of me. The fog was so thick, and as we're going, we had to cross the water over over like a bridge over the water that we were fishing on the day before, and as we went over this bridge, we got to the end, I'm like it's almost like it ended right at the end of the bridge, and it was gone. The fog was gone, and it was clear and it was crisp, and it was a beautiful morning, and it's just wild to me how all of that craziness, all of that adult friendship, all of that the weight of trying to feel considered and all that like it was just gone, and it's just I like I can't even explain it, and then of course the service was great, and then the drive home was great. Um, and then moving forward, like now I'm seeing signs of like feeling considered, and I'm reaching out to friends a little bit more, and I'm trying to get a little bit more in depth with them when I do talk to them. And so there is there just is a season or two or three or four in your life where um you just kind of I don't even want to say grow apart, but you just get busy in your own life, and it's very easy to not connect, and it's very easy to just kind of like get in the rut. Uh, which I do, I kind of I don't mind like I don't mind it because I'm like I said, I'm not that friend that you have to entertain, nor babe, nor do I want a friend that I have to fucking entertain that you're gonna text me three or four times a day. Like I've had friends like that in the past, and it's just so heavy, it's just a lot. Like I can't talk to you every day, babe. I can't. I can't sit on the phone. Like, I got a life, I got things to do. Uh you should do. Like, you should get a hobby. Um, bless her heart, but I just I can't be that friend, and I know that my other my other friends can't either, because as I'm looking looking at their life, I know that they're busy. And so I really don't know if this is any sort of inspirational or learning or anything like that kind of a podcast. It's basically just telling you that women, man, we make a difference in each other's lives. And even if you don't think it's that big of a deal, um, which I'm sure my friend didn't think it was that big of a deal either when she tagged me in that post. She was probably like, well, whatever, like I'll tag her. I I I I think she might enjoy this. This might be cool. Um and then I I I don't I don't know how funny is this? I have no idea because I haven't reached out to her. Dude, it's been like a month and I haven't even reached out to her. Um that's wild. That I I really should. See now I should turn around and and consider her and um thank her for that. But um it it's sh it's just so easy to just let it go and um to not but then it to not like reach out and it's it's easy to get in our little routines, but it's also really cool to feel considered, especially by women that you just love and adore. And even if it is a real, a really funny reel, uh send her that reel. Um, maybe even send her this podcast, share this with her. Um, but just let her know that she is considered, she is thought of. Life is just busy, and that's okay. Um, and what I like to ask a lot of my friends uh is just how's your heart, babe? I think it's really easy to ask someone how are how are you? And the the quick answer is, oh, I'm good, things are good. But nobody stops to ask, hey babe, how's your heart? Like, how are you? Like, no, we're like, really? How's your heart? And the answer is drastically different. It usually taps into a little bit more of what they're really going through. We hide a lot, don't we? We just hide a lot in our day-to-day when we should be sharing a little bit more of our day-to-day. Uh, not necessarily like publicly, like on a Facebook post or anything. Um, but like when your friend asks you, How are you? Uh respond honestly. Say, hey, I'm just, you know, I'm not feeling it. Not today. Uh, and this is why. I I'm feeling heavy today. Um, I'm just going through a lot. Things are just really crazy. Um, when people ask me, How am I? Uh I let 'em know. So be aware. Um if you've if you'll ever ask me, uh hey Sarah, how are you? Uh you're gonna you're gonna hear it. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you. If not, don't ask. 'Cause uh I'm gonna definitely tell you how things are and I think we should. I think we should be a little bit more honest and open. Um and when you are not feeling seen um by your friends, don't take offense to it. Just know that they're busy too. Um, I think that's a beautiful thing about being mature women is we respect the fact that family is super important and there isn't always time for f for friends. Um, not like there used to be when we were in our 20s and early mom stage, uh, but that it is still super important to have those relationships, maintain those relationships, uh, water those relationships, and if they don't reciprocate and if they don't, you know, uh feel or they don't send you the same back, I I wouldn't even be mad at them. Um, just because I j I just get it. There are some friends that um have fallen off um in my life, and it's not because I was mad or that they were mad or that anything happened, it just faded. And sometimes they're just a season friend. Every once in a while it'll pop back up and um I'll see something funny on the uh interwebs and I'll message it to them and it'll be a quick hey, um, thinking about ya. Uh hope all is well, and um, and then sometimes it's just a you know, no, I'm good. I I I'm really we're just different now, you know. So really treasure those friendships that you have, they are vital. Um, like I said, there's something very beautiful uh sitting in a room full of women. It just the energy, it just sits different when you're in a room like I was with those women on that lake. Ooh, if we had a lakefront house, y'all, it was beautiful, beautiful. Um and it it was actually the whole thing was just beautiful. Um, I want to encourage you to find that, whatever that is for you, um, but get together and fellowship with women, um let them love on you, um, and you go love on them. And don't worry if they don't answer right away. They're busy, and that's okay. Alright, you guys, I'm gonna wrap up for now. But this is just such a great topic that I don't think actually, I don't know if it's ever really discussed, um, just how crucial adult women friendships really truly are, how life-saving um they can be, even unintentionally, like being tagged in a Facebook post out of nowhere. Um, actually, it was out of somewhere, like I was God for sure, like that just otherwise that wouldn't have happened. Um, I know it would not have. But to open your heart and open your mind and open your eyes to finding ways to connect to your friends, um, offering them some grace if they don't message you back right away. Um, and really check in with them, see how their heart is. Um, make sure everything is is kosher. And if you have time to catch coffee or grab a little lunch, or just have time to go stroll through the park, uh, do that. Fill your heart, fill your soul, and uh set the table for women that are going to uplift you and not bring you down and not be in a ugh bitch vest. It's disgusting. It's icky, icky, icky, icky, don't do that. Um be in a room with women who want the best for you. And uh don't ever leave that room. Keep that table real close. Alright, you guys. Until next time, we'll catch you on the flip side. Bye.