Nervous System Healing & Family Patterns: Why You Feel Stuck in Midlife + How to Break the Cycle with Oxana | Hot Flushes & Higher Self

If you’ve been doing the inner work but still feel stuck, overwhelmed, or caught in the same patterns… this episode will help you understand why.

In this episode of Hot Flushes & Higher Self, Soraya is joined by Oxana, holistic practitioner and founder of Avidia, for a deeply insightful conversation about nervous system regulation, subconscious patterns and family systems — and how they shape our emotional wellbeing, relationships and sense of self, especially in midlife.

Many women reach a point where mindset work alone no longer creates change. This conversation explores what lies beneath — including inherited patterns, stored emotions in the body, and the deeper healing that happens when we begin to listen inward.

Oxana shares her journey into holistic healing and her work with cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy and family systemic constellations, offering a powerful perspective on why healing often requires more than just talking.

Together, we explore:

• why you can feel “stuck” even after doing personal development work
 • how nervous system regulation creates the foundation for real change
 • the impact of family systems and inherited patterns on your life
 • why midlife can feel like an initiation rather than a crisis
 • the connection between emotional patterns and physical symptoms
 • somatic and meditative practices to reconnect with your inner wisdom
 • why choosing yourself is not selfish — but necessary

This episode is a powerful invitation to look beyond the mind and begin working with the deeper layers that shape how you feel, think and live.

🌿 Resources & Links:

Books mentioned:

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

Body holds the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Connect with Oxana
https://www.avideya.co.uk/

Transcript

Healing Beyond the Mind: Intro, welcome, framing the conversation

Soraya 0:05

So today in the podcast, I'm delighted to welcome Oksana, the founder of Avidia. Oksana's work beautifully bridges the psychological and the soulful. She's a cognitive behavioral hypnotherapist, systematic and family constellation facilitator, coach and numerologist, supporting people to gently uncover the deeper patterns shaping their lives in relationships, emotions, and sense of purpose. Her approach is both grounded and intuitive, creating safe and compassionate spaces where insight, healing, and real transformation can unfold. She works with the subconscious, the nervous system, and the wider family and energetic field, helping people reconnect with clarity, resilience, and their authentic path. Alexander will also be joining us at the retreat this February, where she'll be bringing her systematic and integrative perspective into the space, supporting deeper reflection, connection, and embodied insights. In this conversation, we explore her journey, her work, and how approaching healing systematically and holistically can create profound shifts, not just in how we think, but how we live and relate. I'm so pleased to welcome Oksana to the podcast.

Oxana 1:54

Welcome, Oksana. Thank you very much, Soraya. It's a privilege of mine to join you today to our podcast.

Soraya 2:04

Yeah. Great. So before we start, could you share a little bit about your own journey, personally and professionally, and what led you into hypnotherapy? System systemic, I'm pronouncing it wrong, systemic constellations and holistic coaching.

Oxana’s Journey into Holistic Healing:Childhood, mother’s influence, business background, return to healing

Oxana 2:20

Sure. Well, my journey really began uh when I was born, so I have a very interesting um history. So my mom is a holistic uh professional, and her journey became um started when we were born uh prematurely. Me and my sister, I have a twin sister, and we were born with the heart condition that no doctor at the time could heal. And um we were told by doctors traditional medicine couldn't really help that we have life capacity of expectancy of about 13 years old, and that is not operable. Um, and obviously, my mom just decided she wasn't gonna have it. She decided that she was gonna look for alternative options. She found one very famous at the time, um, Reiki healer called Juna. She went on and studied that technique, started, uh obviously applied on us, and it did obviously help, and started healing. That was her journey. So she had no choice, she had to go through this. We were born. I think we we've decided to come to this world to teach her and open that skill in her. However, having been, I've grew up in esoteric and spiritual family myself. But um until like probably 33, my mom was 33 by the way, when we were born. I really wanted to pursue a completely different career. I studied business and marketing. I came to UK when I was 21. Um, and for a long time I decided that it wasn't gonna be my past, my part path. I just wanted to study business and do something else. So I've um I had my MBA and I started fashion business, uh, and it was going well, and I kind of fulfilled, I thought I um, you know, I fulfilled my dream, but then I did I realized that it's not it's really not fulfilling me inside, and kind of on the paper it looks amazing. I have my own business, I've got MBA, um, I had fashion business at a time. So, and then my pandemic came. Uh, I decided to sell my business, and when the pandemic came, I went on a soul-searching journey. Um, I spent more than six months in Bali and um went back to all the spiritual practices such as vipassana, I did it six times, and meditation and other holistic um practices, and I've I realized that my my real path and journey and passion is helping other people, and I cannot like kind of deny myself anymore. And at the time I decided to start doing something in this field, so I chose numerology because it resonated with me strongly, so I started giving consultations and natal readings to my clients, and that really took off, and I was doing that part-time for a long time. Um, and then a very strange thing happened. So I was just doing that part-time, I didn't want to do um become full-time holistic killer, but people started coming to me with their problems. They were like, I wasn't seeking, to be honest, at the time, kind of to become a full-time therapist. And they would just start coming to me and say, Look, I've got this problem, can you work with me? And I realized, okay, then I probably need to pursue this career and this journey. Um, so I went on and completed uh cognitive behavioral hypnotherapy training, and I started um you know, I started taking clients, and that's how my uh journey really began. And since then it started taking off. I were I still had a um a full-time career uh until this year. I just left literally um two months ago. I left my finally left my part-time career, and I can now really fully focus on what I love to do. Um I came across family constellations by surprise, by accident. So I wasn't gonna, I didn't know what that is. So I went on one of the networking events, like a female entrepreneur event, and they had family constellation practice session there. And I just happened to uh be part of that session, and something really shifted in me when um towards the end of that session I realized that something happened, you know. I Astaraya, you you've been to my session, you know how that works, and when you meet random, complete strange people, strangers who don't know you, and then you set up a constellation on a specific topic and you end up in tears towards the end of the session. I've realized something really shifted, something magical happened. I can't quite explain what, but this method definitely works. So I've started exploring family constellation, and I took some training, and since then it really started taking off.

Soraya 7:53

Yeah, thank you for sharing that journey. It's really interesting how it all came from your mum. She was the original one that kind of opened that up, but then you went on your own journey, you said after the lockdown.

Oxana 8:04

Yes, I guess I I guess I wanted to try different my my own path before I kind of um decided to come back to the spiritual journey. I think you need to be quite mature to peak. And I'm glad that was my path. It wasn't the straightforward path. Some people like work, they know what they want to do since they I guess I've always had this kind of maybe you know preconceived ideas or stereotypes that business, if I do business, if I have my own company, that would make me happy. But um, yeah, so I'm glad that I went through that journey.

Soraya 8:47

And so your approach, like you mentioned, blends cognitive behavioral hypnotherapy, family systemic installations and psychological support. How do you weave together the practical, emotional, and deeper systemic layers in your work?

Oxana 9:01

Yes, it's a very good question. So I love these two, and I think they complement each other beautifully. And the reason why, because cognitive behavioral hypnotherapy, CBT, it's a very hands-on practical modality. So we work with here and now on, for example, reframing cognitive behognitive distortions. We give practical tools. What can we do right now and coping skills? We there's a lot of psychoeducation. For example, people come um with um anxiety, performance-related issues, confidence, anything like that. So it's a very hands-on, very practical tool. Um, we would schedule, for example, interventions or uh homework. So um, so we work with here and now. What can we do now to uh help ourselves? There's a lot of coping skills I give to my clients, but family systemic constellation, they look deeper, they look at the root cause or where the problem might be coming from. So, and this is specifically can be applied for the for the problems that are hard to break. For example, if we feel we're struggling and stuck in a particular issue, that's why systemic constellations are extremely useful because we look at the root cause and sub we look at the family dynamics and intergenerational traumas as well as you know what we can do here now. So they complement each other beautifully depending on the client's uh inquiry.

Soraya 10:50

Okay, and I know you talked a bit about um systemic constellations, but for listeners who haven't heard of this before, um how can they support emotional, physical, or relational well-being through this um systemic constellations?

Oxana 11:08

Yes, um, it's let me try to explain it in a simple way.

Soraya 11:13

Before you go on to explain Oxena, I just want to say that you know, as you mentioned earlier, I came to one of your workshops and you did try to explain it to me. And honestly, it was very difficult to kind of grasp what it meant. Yeah. So when I came for that day, I experienced it myself, and I have to say it was very powerful. But again, when people ask me what happened, I can't I can't really explain it.

CBT Hypnotherapy vs Family Systemic Constellations:Practical vs systemic approaches, why both matter

Oxana 11:35

It's a yeah, it's really difficult to explain. I will try to put it in a simple word. So systemic consolation, it's it's just a way, a modality of revealing hidden um dynamics within family systems or larger systems uh that affect our emotional or physical health or relational well-being. It's a process of really mapping out this relationship or roles or patterns that can be influencing this particular problem. We during this process we identify the hidden blocks and entanglements or unresolved traumas that take root in your family history. And we we we kind of are mapping out what's going on in your subconscious. So, this work, we work with the subconscious as well. What is hidden, and we shed light onto these dynamics. The process itself looks like similar, it's it's very similar to role play, but it's not in essentially. It's we peak um to represent, for example, if somebody comes with a systemic issue, such as I can't get find a partner because my mom was single, and I'm kind of repeating her negative family scenario in me, and I there's nothing I can do to help it. We would then allocate representative to represent part of that problem. So we kind of divide it to different parts and see what is the dynamic relational dynamic between different elements of this problem in a simple term, if that makes sense.

Soraya 13:24

Yeah, no, it does. And it's the idea, it's it's interesting because when I came, you have the idea of you have the issue holder and you have representatives.

Oxana 13:32

Yes, we have two types of issues, two types of tickets. You can come and just experience and embody yourself and just help to represent, or you can bring your own issue. So, yes, there are two types of tickets. Obviously, the demand for um the issue holders is is much higher because within our group setting, we can only do uh four to five uh cases per day per group session, and it does take some time. It's from in my last whole day event, it takes some time to really um, I would say one and a half to two hours per case per single person. So that is um yeah, that is what it is.

Soraya 14:15

Yeah, and that what I found interesting when I came experiencing that um the workshop at your home was how you're working with the subconscious, but you're not doing hypnosis because as you are, like I'm also a hypnotherapist, and you know, we do the inductions to get our clients into that hypnotic state, whereas you're not doing that, we're completely conscious, however, yeah.

Oxana 14:33

Yes, and the the the secret behind this is that we work with what's called the knowing or morphic field, and knowing amorphic field is um it's it's it's a systemic memory, it holds all the memory of all the events that happen in your family system, and by tapping in, we open that up. So when people stand onto the role, they don't need to do anything, there's no preparation. All you need to do is really bring yourself, and by stepping in, you activate the memory. There is no really magic, nobody really knows, to be honest, how it works, but all we know it does work. The the the most kind of the the the analogy I can give so people so your listeners can relate is um probably if you know about the terms of um collective consciousness, you know, and the collective consciousness, in the example of the beehive or the for example, flock of birth, how how it is organized, it's organized in its own, right? Because there's some kind of knowledge of hierarchy or of the everybody has its own place, it's a similar dynamic we have in systemic constellation, that's why it's called systemic. There's certain systemic rules and principles, and um you know they govern that there's certain forces that govern our life, and within family constellation, we tap we open this up and we look at this rules and principles. For example, the rule of hierarchy with our parents, and we uh we we we dig in deeper into this um systemic wisdom regarding our constellation, and I explain what we do. Um, for example, once um we understood and found the root cause of the problem, we can I can then offer resolution sentences to release that tension and entanglement and to restore the balance within the family system.

Soraya 16:49

Yeah, thank you for explaining that. Yeah. But I think it's really something to when you explain it, but something else to actually experience it.

Oxana 16:56

Yes, it's something that you need to embody. And the good thing about it, why it's so powerful, is that once you physically represent and both represent representative and issue holder experience equal amount of healing, once you embody this emotion, once you experience it, you can't forget about it. Because once you felt it, once you've you've you've stepped onto this role, it's stuck in your memory. That's why it's very, very effective. So you really difficult to unsee or forget. Um, but again, it it's something that it needs to be experienced, and I would just say come with open minds. I also welcome ahead of people just come and observe, not even participate, just to understand what it is. And you can come and observe if if you're interested and you're not sure whether you want to participate even as a representative. It's also a possible solution.

Soraya 17:57

Um okay, thank you for explaining that. So why is it important to look beyond individual symptoms to family or systemic patterns when we're talking about healing and transformation?

Oxana 18:10

Well, there's a very simple answer because a lot of our problems, and we don't understand it, that's why I think systemic wisdom is so important to spread and talk about because what we think it's ours, you know, what we carry in our subconscious mind might not be even ours. There's an amazing book, it's called It Didn't Start With You by Mark Boylan, and he talks about that I would say 60 to 90, 60 to probably 80% of all our problems and struggles we inherit it. So we inherit it from our parents, from they it's intergenerational. That's why the root causes maybe um in well, you know, um we may be hidden, yes. So that's why not everything can be fixed when we just look on our individual um patterns and journeys. Was the name of the book, Sanna? I write it down. Well, it didn't start with you, but yes, it's one of the best and simplest books. Uh, it's been translated to like 80 languages, it's one of the most popular books, and it talks about how we can of his journey, how he got healed. He nearly went blind, he went to um retreat in ashram somewhere, and how his journey began when healing his family, healing um relationship with his parents first. That's how he got healed. It's very, very interesting. Mark Voyland, I studied with him as well online, and he's one of the best uh practitioners out there.

Soraya 20:01

I'll drop that in the notes for anyone who's interested. Um I'm definitely gonna read that. I think that's uh an interesting concept. That is even before we were born, we've inherited these issues.

Oxana 20:13

Yeah, absolutely.

Soraya 20:15

Um and how do psychological blocks uh old relational patterns or inherited beliefs show up in the body and how can they be addressed?

Oxana 20:25

Very good question. So they all are especially if you have a tendency, I think, for men and women who don't show the emotion, or since you're your early young developmental stage where you learned to freeze your emotions. So we have uh different ways of how we can handle different emotions, freeze, flee, uh flee, or um what was the other one? Fine. Yes, exactly. So most of us as kids learn to freeze emotions, and that's the most dangerous one, unfortunately, because when you freeze your emotions, for example, if you have had parents who didn't allow you to scream or express loudly, or even express your disagreement, right? Strict parents, or even, God forbid, emotionally abusive parents. So what the child, the nervous system, learns is to suppress and hold it inside until it's safe. And unfortunately, that causes a lot of problem because your body ends up accumulating all of these emotions and they are stored in the physical body, and this later can manifest as disease and pain and all different, so it's all stored in the body. And the the I think what I also tell to my clients and and and students is that we we should also integrate not only one modality such as family constellation is an amazing modality, but also um, especially if you have deep-seated traumas, to add breath work, to add some even yoga to work with body, to to not only work with your conscious conscious mind, subconscious mind, but also implement physical body, even even gym and exercise. You don't understand, we don't really understand how important to process and get emotions out of our bodies because they are literally stuck. There's a very good book, um um which is written on the how memories get stuck in our bodies, and I think it's one of the best. It's about releasing the tiger. I think. Hold on, let me find this.

Soraya 22:45

The book called The Body Hold Score.

What Are Family Systemic Constellations?:Clear explanation + lived experience of the work

Oxana 22:47

Body Holds the Score is one of the yes, I also recommend, but is the best one is one sec, let me. I'm just gonna find it in a minute. It's uh body hold the score. I think it's every psychologist in people need yeah, it's called Walking the Tiger. Walking the Tiger, okay. And ways of how to release them, especially if it's a traumatic um event such as abuse. How is best to release it? So yes, I think it should be should be an additional tool to work with.

Soraya 23:29

Yeah, I completely agree. I think it's so important, it's not just the mind to work with, but like the body and soul is all interconnected, and I think it has to be in balance, right?

Oxana 23:38

Yes, and from my experience, the most intense and efficient uh practices are definitely breath work, and I personally exercise a lot, so I I think just the physical movement, even yoga or walking, can help you to release and get um, you know, release the release.

Soraya 23:57

I mean, I I always like to go for a job whenever I feel stressed or angry. It's so good to just get outside and run, and you always I always feel so much better. It's the serotonin as well, you're releasing in the body.

Oxana 24:07

Yeah, yes, the best, I think, is the best stress release. Yeah, protonin dopamine as well, because it's an achievement hormones. You both get flooded with amazing hormones. I'm actually addicted to gym, I think, because it's the it's it's one of the health, healthiest ways to produce these hormones.

Soraya 24:29

Yeah, but that yeah, and that's exactly and I I noticed the difference because since I had my operation, I'm not able to do anything, and it really affects how I feel because I really enjoy like going and sweating and getting it out because I can't do that, I can feel the difference.

Oxana 24:44

Yeah, your body literally misses it, and I start depressed. I'm just I'm just recovering from I think it was 10-day on and off sickness. I tried to go to gym and made me worse. So for me, it's almost impossible. Uh, it's the butt, like it's the worst punishment not being able to go to gym. I literally go crazy.

Soraya 25:04

I know, but I think it's also that thing, you know, the body is telling that you know what you need, and I feel also me, my body is telling me I need to rest. So that's probably why, like, I also had the flu and they had the operation, my body's telling me it's time now, and it's about also respecting the body, what it's trying to tell you as well.

Oxana 25:23

Absolutely. Sometimes, sometimes it's just too much, and that is your body's literally signaling because I I think I overpushed myself before this happened because I wasn't sleeping much, and I was trying to do so many things at once. My my head was going crazy, and I'm kind of like, hold on, just stop. Just relax. It's it's very actually, I think we need to really listen to our bodies. They they also when you crave something, that means your body needs this nutritional element. So, for example, I was when I was craving fish head soup, that you know, you you it tells you what you need, what nutrition you're working. So, I think we need to be more gentle sometimes to our bodies, and uh, for example, I also practice meditation. I've studied vipasana technique, uh, or or joy dispensa, it's also it's a passive way of working with your body, but it it achieves the same uh result by scanning your body, or joy dispensa meditations are one of the best two that I use. And sometimes when I do he joy dispensa has breastwork and his music, it's one and a half hour. And sometimes when I do this just one one and a half hour of his breastwork, it's best than massage. My my my whole back, some I have problems with my back, just gets more relaxed and sometimes more efficient and effective than even then massage. So meditation, I think, um is one of the other tools that you can use.

Soraya 26:53

Yeah, and I I think this is it, because I am I'm a massive fan of um meditation. I always encourage my clients who work with me to do meditation first thing in the morning just to create that space. And you know, and what I say is when you feel you don't have time for meditation is when you need it most.

Oxana 27:11

You know, we don't realize how when I meditate, it it and I do it in the morning, and I'm a morning person because sometimes I wake up at 5 a.m. Like it's too early, right?

Soraya 27:20

I know you send very early messages, Oksama, so I kind of got it.

Oxana 27:23

Because I'm better out for the morning, so I use that title to meditate, and when I do like literally all the best like ideas and and just come when you meditate. And I think a lot what also worth mentioning that a lot of people have the wrong idea what meditation is. I think only when you do it properly, like vipassana, they teach you the proper technique. It's not about trying to switch off your mind, it's not about trying to, it's not a breathing exercise, no, it's really the right technique, it's the scanning body technique, right? And when you scan your body, you literally start noticing where your blocks in bodies located, uh, located. And once you do the breathing technique, you're literally relaxing. It's very similar to I don't you I'm sure you know the progressive um muscle relaxation technique.

Soraya 28:13

Yeah, similar, yes.

Oxana 28:15

So meditation is that intensify, and we also visualize the light that's going through your body. So it's that technique. Imagine do the doing this for one and a half hour. It can literally heal you. It's we I think we don't realize the power of the underestimate the power of this method.

Soraya 28:35

Yeah, no, I get it, but for for listeners who don't have like that long for me personally, because you know, there's I I even like 10 minutes I meditate in the morning, just like 10 minutes first thing in the morning, it really makes a massive difference in my day. And I notice when I do it as opposed to when I don't do it, how differently I feel throughout the day, it just kind of sensors you from the morning.

Oxana 28:55

It sensors you even your brain capacity, actually. When we're stressed, our brain capacity to think actually shrinks. So when we're stressed, the first thing we need to do is meditate to just calm down a bit, just really being able to even 10 minutes. I think if you can do 30 minutes, it's even better. Even like whatever you can do, just to give yourself that time.

Soraya 29:16

I think we can always you know a lot of people that have this real kind of you mentioned it earlier about this conception about what meditation is. So I'm saying for those who have never done it and who are really against it, even like five or ten minutes to start with is great. I mean, when I first did it like years ago, for me, sitting still was a real big issue because I always had to be on the go. I'm very much kind of like I can't switch off. So the idea to tell me to sit down in silence for a long time was impossible, but you kind of build on it, it's like a foundation. So I started five minutes, ten minutes, and then I could do like 30 minutes an hour. But that's like a but it's a it's a process, isn't it?

Oxana 29:52

And like even now when I'm body, yeah.

Soraya 29:54

You can teach you teach yourself, yeah.

Oxana 29:57

And you your mind doesn't actually get bored. And opposite when you scan, if you don't just sit and trying to switch your mind up, that's the worst. Uh you can't do that. You can't the more you try to switch it off, the less it's the it will resist. So the best thing you can do is just to start shift your attention by observing your bodily sensations, and as you do that, then that's the real meditation. And when you do scanning technique, you actually go deep, you're never bored. It's actually amazing.

Soraya 30:26

Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, some people can sit in silence. I'm not one of those people, so I I like a guided meditation. So you know there's so many options out there for people who are interested in trying, right? There's what you've mentioned, there's also like so many guided meditations you can find online. So I always tell my clients to find what resonates with them because everyone's different.

Oxana 30:44

I I recommend George Spencer because he has so such a huge variety of different tools, even walking meditation. You can just download it, it costs like $20. You can download and listen, and his meditation are incredible. There's music background, uh like it just heals you. For me, it works really well. I would recommend his meditation for sure.

Soraya 31:07

Yeah, thank you for sharing. Um so how does your work of hypnotherapy and systemic constellations differ from more surface level or purely cognitive approaches, especially when someone feels stuck or overwhelmed?

The Nervous System, Stored Emotions & the Body:Freeze response, trauma in the body, movement & regulation

Oxana 31:24

Right, so I just gonna quickly say why systemic approaches are made, just to re just to remind our listeners. So as systemic constellation approach, the the key strength is that it looks beyond your as an individual system, it looks at your root causes which may have their roots in your family history in intergenerational dynamics. So, and that is why especially it is especially useful when you feel stuck or overwhelmed, when you feel stuck, when you've tried talking therapy, it doesn't work, you've tried CBT, and usually I have most of my clients they come to me when nothing else worked, and they decided to give what I do a try, and that we shift something that is it's it's exactly that, it's not a surface level cognitive outroge. We work with subconscious, we work with um the the the inherited family traumas, and we we we touch on really deep, deep-rooted issues 100%. So that is how it's different.

Soraya 32:36

Yeah, thank you. Um and many women in midlife experience anxiety, fatigue, or disconnection, but how can nervous system regulation support deeper shifts?

Oxana 32:47

I think we've touched on uh on meditation, and I think it's uh especially with a lot of women going through midlife crisis and and these changes, it's very important to really put your prior well-being on the first place. I know we like all try to work and run families and look after kids, um, and it's difficult sometimes to prioritize our own well-being. So I think it is especially important to first of all is to look for my personal experience at nervous system regulation, the best way to do it is start to start with meditation, techniques and somatic body, um uh somatic body exercises that we've discussed, along with nutrition, diet, exercise. That way we all need to begin. Um I'm not I'm not sure if you can maybe Sarah share your experience if you're going through that, or is there any specific um um maybe something you can share?

Soraya 33:55

You mean for women going through, I mean maybe I do have a lot of clients who come you know with issues, but it's it's all to do like that everything's kind of coming out. It's like you mentioned before, you know, when you freeze, you're suppressing a lot of emotions, and I think at this point in our life, it's all coming out basically. So I think it's a really powerful point in our lives. That then I'm I'm 48 now, and I've noticed the last decade a lot of things have been coming up for me, which I'm processing, and it's um I'm embracing it.

Oxana 34:28

I think also a lot of women at this age maybe because I don't have kids, but from my I think understanding is that kind of your your children now is like more mid-teenagers, usually, right? So could be that you you you want to come back to to work again in in this for the first time, you can kind of leave your children and start thinking about yourself as well, and also it kind of prioritize your own well-being. And also, I think when we when you hit mid-life time period in our lives, is it that's really when they everything that we've suppressed before when we're young and when we're just busy working, building families, and we have this all energy, everything that we've previously suppressed. I think that's when it starts coming out and showing in our bodies, especially if we neglected certain emotions or neglected our health previously, that is when it starts showing up, usually.

Soraya 35:27

Yeah, it's it's our our identity shifts. I mean, I we had this conversation with like other women in my age group, and you know, we have these roles that we play throughout life, you know. Then you have like your the mom, whatever, and then as you mentioned, that your kids get older, and then you have a different identity, and you kind of try and discover who you are as opposed to having a label, and you really live your life the way you want to live on your terms. I think that's quite empowering. And a lot of women, you know, they change careers, they you know, like me, change careers. Like me as well. I mean, what you mentioned earlier, that's like me. I I used to kind of you know have a different belief what success was, like being in the business, being corporate, but actually I've kind of let go of all of that and I've leaned into what I was always interested in, which is the holistic um you know, healing path, which is where I am now.

Oxana 36:15

Yeah, I'm the same, and it's and it does kind of look scary because you haven't like done it for like you some people think, well, maybe is it too late to start a completely new career? No, but yes, exactly. And um it's it's both I think we start thinking about the the meaning of life, we start thinking what's really important for us. I think our priorities and values might be we start questioning really, you know, what the life purpose is and if it's worth living, and if financial gains and rewards or what your family expect from your society expect from you, for example, my um biggest realization is I'm now thinking like I do want to have my own kids if I can, but if if I don't, I actually do feel a lot of pressure from society from my family that people might look at me, or is something wrong with me because I don't have kids, and it's like it might not happen and it might not be in everyone's journey. So, what is it? Is it do I want it family, or is it the pro external pressure on me to have to so we we do really start thinking about what is it do I want to connect to our authenticity and soul desire, and I think that's the stage or we'll stop listening to this external noise and expectations and stereotypes. I think it's a very, very important stage, yeah.

Soraya 37:46

And you know, I kind of it's that wisdom as well, you know, the wise woman with many years of wisdom, and then it's kind of turning inwards as opposed to caring so much on the outwards what people are thinking, it's what you're doing, what you want to do, right? Exactly, yes. So um, so how can your work support women navigating these transitions like the identity in relationships and purpose? Have you seen much of that in your work?

Oxana 38:14

Oh, yes, absolutely. And I'm gonna mention something else I haven't mentioned. I I did mention um the numerologist. So actually, I have a lot of requests from clients who are going through exactly that when they are in the middle of career transition, or they want to find a purpose. So I can also look at the birth chart and and and consult and help them as well to understand what's in stars, what what like because there is a lot of information we can see from the chart, from the neurology chart or astrology. I don't know if you ever use it, but it can be quite helpful. And my primarily of my clients actually coming when they are in between or transitioning from one stage to another, that is when I can also look at in addition to what we already discussed.

Soraya 39:00

So when you do the charts, that's more to see what is written for them, what they should be doing, kind of advice, kind of guidance.

Oxana 39:07

Yes, and we actually see these transitions. We are similar to astrologers, they can see like a major life transitions, and we can actually advise what would be the main focus. Uh most of us actually feel inside. We we know that what, especially if you're highly intuitive, but most of the time I'm just confirming what my clients already kind of knowing, and they just wanted that confirmation. For example, like might say, it's time for you for some women, it's actually time to focus on the family, or for some women it's time to focus on their career. And and from I can have a look and and what is written in for that particular period and transition and advise them from the the point of view of uh how stars align and what is written in the chart for sure.

Soraya 39:56

Okay. And what about with um the family constellations? Is that also what you have? Women coming to you who were in that life who need help guidance.

Oxana 40:04

To be honest, primarily, first of all, I think it's probably around 80% women, and most of them uh 35 plus. Mostly coming with the same kind of inquiries, and when they are have a bit more time now to focus on themselves, uh, children more or less growing up and they just want to work through stuff that is important for them, yes.

Soraya 40:28

And in your sessions and programs, what recurring themes or breakthroughs you witness when people move through change?

Meditation, Embodiment & Listening Inward Reframing meditation, body scanning, daily practices

Oxana 40:34

Um, so the the main ones, interestingly enough, and I always start, and but I think you've you've mentioned this, is we don't actually expect when the we I change, I try to change relationship with parents. And that is the we don't actually understand how important our how we view our parents and our work, I begin with this because this is the foundation, because we don't realize how, for example, having holding grudges towards our parents and not accepting them who they are can affect our life to what extent it affects our lives. Because if we cannot receive love in any age from mother, if we feel subconscious grudges or we have certain, you know, um we reject her love subconsciously, it's hard for us to fully uh connect to to have resources for life to continue living. So when we don't receive parents, it's and whether they are life or dead, it doesn't matter. Energetically, this is the place, it's like a it's it's it's a battery for life for us. And if if that relationship, the most important, especially with mother, if this relationship is it's uh not aligned or we have subconscious whole subconscious grudges or resentment, it affects you in like it will you you you will struggle to get resources in life or to receive from life. That's what I work, and I think that's the core of my work is to that reconnect and explain um these dynamics, and how we have a lot of the issues come down to relationships with parents. Do you find it might not necessarily look like this is the root cause on the surface? For example, a client might come most of like the case of I have low self-esteem, life is difficult for me, I'm struggling financially, or nobody loves me, or you know, stuff like this. It it doesn't look like it's a really it's a it's uh the root cause, it's actually, you know, it's problem with relationship with mother, inability to receive love, what we call the bond, uh mother and child bond is broken. So, and when that happens, it affects our self-esteem and inability to receive and can cause uh lots of different problems. So that's the primary focus, especially when someone comes the first time. Um, is that break, early break with mother, especially during your developmental age, when your nervous system is just building uh from zero to three years old, um, is the most important. That's what I work most of the time with.

Soraya 43:28

So that's interesting. So you're saying a lack of confidence and you know this issue of money might be a relationship issue with the mother. What about the father? What kind of issues do you see related to the father?

Oxana 43:42

Father comes a bit later in our life. He it's more to do with society, professional realization, ability to earn as well, but not to the same point. It's more to do with society and your professional realization, is how is your relationship with um other partners, colleagues, and your profess it's more to do with your professional realization. And if the father figure is not present, or also relationship with man, it affects our relationship with man. So, but he's not as um uh fundamental in in the child development as mother.

Soraya 44:22

Interesting, okay. Um from your perspective, why might this phase of life become a really powerful imitation, the transformation and reconnection rather than simply a challenge?

Oxana 44:37

Oh this phase of life, I think we touched a lot on this um on the midlife crisis already. Um powerful imitation, transformation, reconnection. To be honest, I I think we all need to, as I said, prioritize ourselves, and this is the right time when when we have this midlife crisis situation, when we start thinking about um I think don't don't wait until it's too late, until you're 50 and uh to start working on yourself. I think that now is the right time until you hit 40s, until you hit 45. Um, is the best time to work.

Soraya 45:19

Well, I mean, I'm I'm 48, still working on myself, what's that?

Oxana 45:23

48. Yeah. Wow, you don't look. Oh my god, Saraya. What do you do to your face? I think it's over.

Soraya 45:33

No, it's I think it's just a hydration, good food. And I I really believe also in the mind, the mind has uh as an effect as well. How I I feel like I'm in my 20s, so you don't look at all that's I surprise myself when I say my age because I don't feel like I'm 48. Yeah, I feel like I'm still in my 20s or maybe 30s, you know, conditions.

Oxana 45:57

Oh, that's amazing. I think um, yes, you you definitely have good genes, and it it's it is to do with your lifestyle as well and your your mindset.

Soraya 46:06

Yeah, it's definitely not, and I really believe like age is changing. It's not I remember when I was a kid, I used to think 40 is so old, yeah. Um, but obviously not anymore. But then now on social media I see so many accounts of really inspirational women. Like there was a a woman, I think she was 76 and doing weight training, and she had amazing legs. Wow, her name. I just found it yesterday when I was looking at it, and and it just really reminds you it age is just a number, it's really how how you live your life and what's important to you and how you want to grow. Because I don't want to live till 100 and be, you know, in really bad shape, not be able to do anything for myself. The whole point is to enjoy your life.

Speaker 2 46:47

Absolutely.

Soraya 46:48

That's you know, again, the mind is very powerful, and that our bodies are what we put into it, what food we're giving ourselves, you know, how we're treating our bodies and our minds is how we grow.

Oxana 47:00

100%. Yeah, 100%.

Soraya 47:03

But I love watching these videos of these really strong women, and they look great as well. They're doing their hair, like you know, dressing.

Oxana 47:10

It's so motivational, they can lift more weight than you can, right? I mean, it it's really inspire you to.

Soraya 47:16

Yeah, but I'm saying she was weight training, she was literally lifting some really heavy weights that I wouldn't even lift, and she had really strong legs. I have to look that up and and put it on the notes because um it's great, you know. When you see what's out there, you know that you can also do that as well. 100%, it's very motivational. Yeah, we don't have to be pigeonholed into just becoming these old little ladies knitting, you know. That's not me. I don't mean knitting, I want to be out there parachuting, like you know, parasailing, do all sorts of crazy stuff, and that's the time to do it, exactly. Yeah, but there's no there's no what I'm saying, there's no deadline, like you don't have to do it by a certain age, you can keep doing it as long as you want to.

Oxana 47:58

It's like it was running. I remember I was like, first time I had around 10k, I thought I'm I wasn't able to do that. It was like, oh my god, it's all in my head, I'm not even that tired. You know, you just tell yourself to do it, and it's it literally all all our limitations in her in in our mind, yeah.

Soraya 48:14

Even this idea about uh by what age you have to stop doing stuff, there's no age limit because you see I see people that running the marathon who are in their 80s, so you know, this is the idea, and it we are we have so much potential to do anything we want to do, and it's like you said, we we are kept in our own prisons, which is our minds, believing we can't do more than what we can actually do. 100%. You'll be part of the upcoming self-love retreat in February. I'm really looking forward to welcoming you then. Um, what will your session focus on and what might women expect from your work in that space?

Oxana 48:51

So I'm gonna do a very important thing is demonstrate how the family cancellation session works. What how does it look like on a practical um level, right? And as we've we've already discussed, it's really hard to explain. So I will be talking about um what systemic constellation is and demonstrating how does it work so so women can experience them first hand um what it is and uh hopefully benefit from this experience.

Soraya 49:29

And how does the retreat environment support deeper healing or insight compared to one-to-one work?

Oxana 49:36

Oh, it's a huge difference. When I do online, I also do online family cancellation sessions with toys, and it's just not as powerful. It's just the group work, the group dynamic, the community space, it intensifies the healing experience. And I think that's one of the other secrets why family cancellation work that well is the group, it's a group embodiment practice, and uh it's it's just an also woman helping women is extremely, you know, um it's it's just nice to be in that surrounding space and environment when everybody's um supporting each other.

Midlife as Initiation, Identity & Purpose Midlife transitions, identity shifts, choosing authenticity

Soraya 50:20

Yeah, and that that's the reason why I had this idea of creating the space for women, because women, like you said, it being together, supporting one another is very powerful, and there's such a lovely energy in that space as well. Everyone is there for each other, and and I think everyone is there who's supposed to be there as well energetically, you know. You kind of see yourself, even when I came to your workshop, Oksana. You know, I came as a representative, so I wasn't at I didn't, it wasn't really the issue, but when I was acting other people's constellations, I could see myself in each of those.

Oxana 50:59

I don't know how field works, but it it literally everyone comes with the same similar situations. And it's to me until this day, I don't know, it's pure magic how it happens because you happen to represent or be selected to represent the issue that you resonate with.

Soraya 51:20

Yeah, I mean that last one. I mean, I was in tears by the end of it because it it really touched home because I was selected to be the daughter, and I could feel myself in that. It was, I can't explain it, it was just such a weird, like I don't know, I can't believe it's yeah, it's not a coincidence, it's just how it meant to be.

Oxana 51:43

And you tell all of this group gathering, it's just the community itself, the group work itself supports this transition and this energy, shared communal space and energy, and in itself can be therapeutic.

Soraya 51:57

In itself, yeah, absolutely. And that's what I've seen in the retreats I held this year. Each which each weekend I did, you know, obviously there's different women there, different practitioners, but the one thing they all had in common was this energy and this the sisterhood that you know these women were there for one another, and it all had connections that you know something resonated in in each of them. Whatever one said, the other one felt something as well. I don't know, it was really magical.

Oxana 52:21

So towards the end of the sessions, we all feel like family, people don't want to be and and I have so many regular clients who just keep coming back, it's magical.

Soraya 52:30

And once you feel it, you just want to experience it again because it's so just being in that space, even if you're not participating, just to be in that space, you feel the energy, and it that's the beauty of uh and I think because that's I know obviously, like I also do one-to-one work, as do you, but it's very different when you're working in a group setting, you get kind of get more from it, I believe, that collectedness.

Oxana 52:58

For me, from my experiences, it's the two, you know, it it just intensifies the healing and up the healing.

Soraya 53:06

No, it's really powerful. Okay, and so could you share one simple reflective, somatic, or grounded practice that listeners could try today to reconnect with themselves?

Oxana 53:17

I would probably come back to meditation, uh, simply because I again I do think there's a massive misconception. People dismissing this technique and modality simply because they've tried this online, you know, deep through you the deep breathing exercises or these like online apps where they tell you just try to stop thinking and they just don't understand the healing potential of meditation. So I would probably suggest to do a very simple exercise. If you can take a deep breath and close your eyes and maybe just for five minutes, just give yourself that five minutes and close your eyes and try to just stop your mind from thinking and just really connect to your body just try to just start sensing sensations and imagine healing white light coming through the top of your head through the top of your head, relaxing every muscle and just you can see this white light and feel it on the top of your head, even if you don't feel anything, just start noticing any sensation, maybe some heat, respiration, temperature, tingling, anything at all. Try to stay there for a bit longer. And once you do, imagine this healing white light start coming down through your scalp, inside and out. Heal this warm and pleasant sensation going down your scalp, inside and out, relaxing every single muscle, going down your forehead, your eyebrows, in between your eyebrow, just stay there and feel a bit more in the back of your head and your ears and your eyes. See this white light spreading down, feel this warm sensation, see this white light going down your jaw, relaxing every single muscle inside and out. Feel your facial muscle relaxing. Your jaw now is completely relaxed, going down your tongue, your mouth, your neck, down to your shoulders, both of your shoulders are now completely relaxed. Feel this pleasant sensation, complete relaxation, going down your arms, your elbows, your arms. Feel both of your arms now relax. Feel this palm sensation, relaxation going down your chest, your belly. See this white line feeling your belly. Inside and out, all the muscles going down your belly towards your heel, down your leg, to your car, knee and the feet try to imagine or sense white light and warm sensation, complete relaxation because every depth breath you take, you're going into the deeper state of relaxation. So this is one of the examples of how you can just very quickly relax your whole body using um sensual, depending what kind of person I'm visual, so for me it's very easy or sensual, I can sense. Um, depending what kind of your leading sensory system, it helps you everyone to be honest to relax and just connect and refill your battery. You can even do once you practice it, learn how to do this. Even I do it sometimes, so I close my eyes in the on the tube for public transport, or when you need to sit for a long period of time, and it gives you energy, it really recharges you and revitalizes you. So it's very simple and practical exercise that I use a lot.

Soraya 58:38

Thanks for sharing that, so that's very relaxing. So, other than um that, I mean, that's a really practical way. Is there anything else that you do on the like a daily ritual that you use other than meditation to help you align with your inner compass or deeper truth?

Oxana 58:52

I try to walk a lot. So for me, being outdoors and in nature, and especially especially winter when it gets dark very early at four o'clock. So I try to have my one hour uh walk before it goes down. So you need to see the daylight, and many of us working and forget about that, and that you start really getting depressed. So at least one hour walk or exercise or both is it's a must.

Choosing Yourself Without Guilt Women, energy, self-prioritisation, reclaiming inner power

Soraya 59:17

It makes a massive difference, isn't it, to be outside? I've especially when it's getting dark, like you said earlier.

Oxana 59:23

It's very, very important, and just being in nature, just see this green face, and if you try to, if you have a park or just just to connect and come down, it just like it doesn't need to be hardcore exercise, just like at least I think it's half an hour of walking every day.

Soraya 59:40

That's what I'm doing because I can't exercise, like I said, I am making sure I'm going outside to walk because without that, it'd be very difficult for me to function.

Oxana 59:48

And you feel the difference right away, your body absolutely okay.

Soraya 59:53

And what's lighting you up most in your work at the moment, Alexander?

Oxana 59:57

My clients' results. Um, and then Just um every client that I have, um, for example, recently I've had this lady who came back to me and said, After um your constellation, I started writing music. Um, and it's it's I feel like my heart opened up and I become creative. I never thought uh this, you know, I'm I'm I can be creative, I can write something, and she's convinced that it's um because of our sessions with her. Um I've had a lady who um couldn't conceive for four years and she um fell pregnant after one session of three-hour meditation. Wow. Her beautiful baby boys now six months, Matt, usually just send me photo, and that's the best result literally that you can receive. Um this is why I do what I do, this work, and the best.

Soraya 1:00:52

Very rewarding.

Oxana 1:00:53

Rewards for me, yes.

Soraya 1:00:55

And if you could leave women listening with one message about reconnecting with their power, body, and purpose in midlife, what would it be?

Oxana 1:01:02

Choose yourself, be selfish because women need it. Be selfish, choose yourself, start worrying about anybody else, even your children, because if you don't re-feel yourself, you I think woman is the energy in in battery in the whole family. If we don't feel ourselves first and recharge, we don't we can't feed our husbands and kids because we hold everyone together. So prioritizing ourselves is a must.

Soraya 1:01:33

Very important, agreed, yeah. And what's something your body or intuition has been teaching you lately?

Oxana 1:01:42

Wow, what's my intuition been teaching me lately? Um your body. I have a lot of insights and realizations. Where do I begin? I'm going through this systemic coaching course, and um I'm learning about systemic principles, which I'm planning to launch my own course as well. And uh, once again, I can't, for example, I don't know if you this latest notion notion that we we studying to um is uh how to work with clients, and there was one example which was astonishing. They say your clients is reflection of you, right? And uh if there is something you judge or disagree with, or if you have repeating clients an issue, what what are these issues? My issue was that my client wanted more time. Most of the time, for example, we have one and a half hour session, and when it's about to finish, she would always ask extension. She would always say, Oh, please, can we stay longer? I'm gonna pay you more, or can she would ask for kind of exceptions, and and I was like, Why does this happen to me? Like, why? And my teacher told me, write down uh where do you behave in a similar way? I was like, No way, I'm not behaving, I'm very mature and adult. And I was like, not with clients, maybe in other systems like relationship, family, where do you behave in a similar way? And I it took me like uh 20 minutes to really think anyway. I found the personal one-to-one like system in my relationship, I behave like a bit like a child myself. So I wrote down all of this realization A4, and the moment I stop writing down all these realizations, clients come in, money come in, and I have a session with the same client, and she said once you have once you realize why what she's highlighting to you, once you realize it, she will stop. I was like, No way she's gonna stop. Next day, she comes for session, we finish, and she says nothing at all for the first time. And I worked with her for one year, it's my longest client. She said nothing, she suddenly stopped asking for anything, uh, like which goes beyond the session. And the moment I stopped writing my realizations, the client came in and money came in. That means they they say from systemic principled perspective, the universe is talking to you, and it's a sign that you're doing something right, and it's a reward, so it rewards you when you realize something that you need to change in yourself, and that was just like mind-blowing. How does it work?

Soraya 1:04:21

That's crazy. But this goes back to the idea. I really believe that you know, we come, we're on a journey, and we kind of learn everything happens for a reason. People in our lives are there, they're teaching us something, and we have to learn. Yeah, it's our mirrors, every single person. Even clients, like you said, you have several clients, they come to you, they're also teaching you something.

Oxana 1:04:40

They say it's your blind spot, so it was my blind spot because I was like, no way, I'm very mature. Like, I couldn't like honestly, it was so difficult. And once I realized it, like it changes right away, like within that second, it it you so you can change a lot of things by just doing what that just that's crazy.

Soraya 1:04:57

Yeah, I love that story.

Oxana 1:04:58

Yes, and I want to share it as well. Once I complete the studies, I want to to share it.

Retreat Work, Group Healing & Closing Wisdom Retreat contribution, collective healing, final reflections

Soraya 1:05:03

Yeah, great. Um, and last question is what does living as your limitless self mean to you right now?

Oxana 1:05:13

Pushing yourself harder. I think a lot of us, and me, myself included, are stuck in our comfort zone. I think we've touched on this before. For me, it was videos. I don't know if you've noticed I badly, but I started forsting, and it they they probably still not perfect, but I start I already stopped caring as much as I did. So I I really push myself out there, and I think we all need to do a bit of that because the the the the the sooner we're gonna push ourselves the the faster we'll achieve results, and we come to this world not to sit on uh our comfortably in our sofa, and if you stay comfortably in your sofa for too long in a comfort zone, alive will push you out, okay? We are not here to rest and relax, we're here to work and push ourselves and expand, right?

Soraya 1:06:03

That's the only way we can expand. Yeah, we you're right though, we need to get out of our comfort zone and just take the leap, and that way we grow. Otherwise, nothing changes and we stay the same. 100%. Yeah, great. Um, thank you so much for joining today, Oxara. Um, I love the conversation, and I'm really looking forward to seeing you in February for the retreats and experiencing again the constellations and sharing it with others who haven't even heard of it.

Oxana 1:06:32

Thank you so much, Sarah. Uh, I really appreciate the your time and opportunity, and it will be my pleasure to see you at the retreat on um Valentine's Day. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

Soraya 1:06:45

Okay, so yeah, again, thank you so much, Oksana, and um, I will see you soon. Thanks so much for listening to Hot Flash and High Self. And if something in today's episode spokes you and you're feeling ready for deeper support, then you can book a one-to-one session with me. And if you're creating your connection movement, rest and reset. then check out the women the womens retreats whcih are a combination of different healing modalities, hot yoga, incredible food, as well as deep connection. And you can find all the details at www.ls-therapy.com or come hang out with me on Instagram @limitlessselftherapy. You can also reach me directly anytime soraya@ ls-therapy.com. I'd love to connect. Take care of you, fill that cup of yours, and remember your next chapter is already unfolding.