The Truth About Friendship

In this week’s episode, we’ll discuss all things friendship—from what it means to be a friend and how friendships change throughout different seasons of life, to the key elements that contribute to a healthy friendship. We’ll also dive deeper into how to maintain quality friendships and how to communicate when conflict arises. Lastly, we’ll have conversations about how to navigate those moments when you have to choose between investing in a friendship or walking away. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to another episode of Beyond the Surface. This is Betty, your host. So in today's episode, we're actually going to be discussing all things relating to friendships, from its meaning to key components that contribute to a lasting friendship, how to face challenges or conflicts that may arise, as well as any tips on maintaining lasting quality-based friendships. So to actually talk a little bit more about this today, I have a friendly face with me here today. Welcome back, Gipsy. Hey, hey, thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. So before we dive into the questions, I just wanted you to briefly introduce yourself to the listeners that haven't heard you before. Share a fun fact, and what is your intention for 2026?

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Hi, everybody. Thank you guys for having me here. My name is Gypsy. I am um a mom of two. That is my my fun fact, mom of two. Um, I love to travel, I love to run, and I'm actually an occupational therapist as well. That's how me and Betsy met many years ago. And um my intention for this year, I think, is to work more on my faith and my values in terms of in terms of my aspect with my um my religion. So that's kind of what I've been working on this year, as well as you know, incorporating that into more of my life daily with my kids and my family. So, yeah, that's my intention for this year.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Oh, I like that. I think that's important, especially when you have children, to kind of instill those values early on. Correct, correct. Alrighty, well, let's get started. So, when you hear the word friendship, what comes to mind? What does friendship mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 1:55

So, when I think of friendship, I think of loyalty, honesty, respect, laughter, fun, warmth, energy. Um, and what it means to me is having a relationship that you have with someone else where you guys click and you have like that instant connection, right? Um, where they make your life feel fun and joyful, and someone that you can come to if you have any doubts or you're going through some things in your life that you can really just trust.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

So that's what I like that, and I like the emphasis on fun because I think obviously there are gonna be situations where things are not gonna be all fun, but I think when I think of friendship, I view it kind of the relationship that children have, like it's very airy and it's very freeing, and it's not everything like you're fine, like following a given agenda or strict or rigid, it's more like you're going with the flow, but I also like the fact that you mention someone you could open up to when you need advice because essentially you want an actual friend, like a real friend, to be there, not only the good times, but also the hard times as well when you really need them to be there, right? How has your perspective on friendships changed since your early to mid-20s? Was there a given experience that changed the way you view friendships?

SPEAKER_01 3:27

So I feel like my perspective has changed on friendship now. Um, because now it's like, okay, we don't have to hang out 24-7. Like we don't have to do everything together and go to all these places to be called friends, right? So I think now going into the role as I am as a mother, like my life has completely changed because I have to prioritize things differently in my life now, right? So being a mom, um, I'm not available to hang out. So now I feel like I have to be more intentional with my time because I do have to take in consideration, like, okay, I have to take my kids to soccer. I have to take them to school. We got birthday parties now instead of parties that I was doing when I was young. You know what I mean? So I have to be very intentional with my time and and know, like, hey, like my time is really important, and it's I don't have as much time as I did before. So I think in that sense, um, yeah, just being more intentional with what I do and what when we do plan to do something, like making sure that it's just not like there's a meaning to it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 4:33

A purpose behind it, exactly. And I'm pretty sure linked to the intention behind your time, being purposeful and meaningful with it, it's also having an intention of who you give your energy to as well. You're not just you know, hanging out to hang out, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

It's true. Because at the end of the time, like your time is so valuable, right? So you have to be very mindful of who you're giving your time and energy to, right? You know what I mean? Because as a mom, that time goes to my children, so you know what I mean. So, like, that's why I'm very mindful of the time.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

I think also in my personal experience, when I was younger, like my review of friendships have changed as well. I think when you're young, you think everybody's your friend, you're just open to everything. Oh, they're great. I think you also just want to be liked and accepted, so you kind of open the door to anybody to just pass right through. And then I think it wasn't until like mid, I would say more late 20s, that it's really changed my perspective on it because you grow apart, your priorities change. I think we're also on different timelines. So in your case, you're a mother, that's like a big role that you have to fill, and I'm pretty sure it changed your life in a big way. And then somebody that's not a mother can't really understand how things work or how your time kind of shifts from time to time. So I think it's hard for people to be level-headed and come to a common ground about being respectful about each other's time and all of that. And I think it's the whole concept which we're gonna dive into further throughout the episode of quantity versus quality. Think when you're young, you want quantity. Everybody's my friend. Look at all the people that follow me on social media. I'm so loved, I'm so cared for. But it's asking yourself, okay, how many of these people do I actually talk to on a daily basis or I make plans with on a daily basis? And then I think as you age, you realize quality is more important, like valuable, meaningful connections versus superficial level, I see you once a blue moon in a year, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

And also think about it like, okay, you have a hundred friends, but are all those people gonna be there for you when something really happens to you where you need that support? You know what I mean? And that's where quality comes in. Yes, okay, girl, you go.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

What do you believe are the key ingredients of a healthy lasting friendship?

SPEAKER_01 7:22

So I think you have to really care about that person, right? Like you have to really care, support them, right? Make sure that there's support, communication. Yes, that's huge.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

And I think for me, respect is huge. I don't know communication and the respect kind of go hand in hand with one another. I would say I would even add commitment, like there needs to be a sense of commitment, which I think nowadays it's kind of being derailed, like it's almost lost, even where we're also gonna talk more about it, but there's this sense of just low effort, like they they don't even try sometimes. It's like, oh, if we're great friends, we don't even have to try, and it's like, yes, but to what extent is this true? Because sometimes they just don't try at all. So I like that, I like that. That's very true. The commitment is big, and I also think trust. I was just gonna say that I wrote it down, confianza.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Yes, it's huge because you have to have that trust to be able to be able to have a friendship, you know what I mean. If I don't trust you, then how can we be friends?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Exactly, or you might be able to engage, but not at a deeper level, like the bond won't be further strengthened because you won't tell them certain things, you would omit things to yourself because you don't trust them. Exactly.

unknown 8:55

That's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Do you think social media has changed the way we build and maintain friendships? If so, how?

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Yes, 100%. I feel like with social media, we have this idea of what a friendship should look like, right? Even physically, like you see someone that might their body type might be very different than you, and you you would look at them and be like, Man, I can't be friends with someone like that. I just don't fit that that scene, that role. Um, so like I feel like social media really is a liar. Like, we have just this idea of what friendships should be. We see people on TikTok, DK dancing, and all this stuff, and that's what a friendship is, but like everything that we see online is not true, you know what I mean? So, like, I think we're very um fooled by social media, and what we see in social media is is not true, real for sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

I think the fact that people want to be liked, and there's also obviously there are positive things to social media, like the fact that it facilitated the means for us to connect. You can connect with people in different countries, different continents, etc., with a like, with a comment, with video camera, whatever it is. But I think because you have so much accessibility, it almost builds the illusion that everybody's close to one another, but at a virtual level. And I think sometimes when it comes to a physical level, people have lost their soft skills, their social skills, like it's hard to engage nowadays. And like you mentioned, you think friendship looks one way. There's a big emphasis on like physicality or outward appearance, and it's been lost the whole aspect of what's within, like your core values, your beliefs, like what your intention is, like all of that. The other thing I would say is the whole quantity over quality because of the number of likes and followers, and also, like you said, this is what you're seeing online, but how much of that is being curated to get other people to follow you? You don't really know whether this person is being authentic or not, like what's real or what's not real.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

So that's true, and like another thing is like you just never know, right? What if this person, I'm sorry to say this, but what if this person is using chat GPT for everything? So you're basically just talking to AI, like you know what I'm saying? It's just I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

It's it's hard, yeah. It poses a challenge, even with with music nowadays. Sometimes I go into YouTube and I look at a video and I'm like, when did they release this song? It'll be like a mashup of two artists, and I'm like, oh wait, this is AI. I'm like, this doesn't make any sense. But if you don't question that, you'll just think, oh yeah, this is a new song, new jam.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Yes. I do want to mention something that I have a friend that moved to another state and she was having a really hard time making friends, and I did not know this existed, but you know how there's um bumble, which is you know how you meet your significant other, quote unquote. They have bumble friends where you can make friendships or meet other women that want, you know, also need friends or want friends, and she actually met a lot of her friends through Bumble Friends.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

That's awesome. And she had a positive experience.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

She did, she did. She would hang out with them. They ended up making like a little group of people that they met through Bumble and they all like became friends, which I think is great in that aspect of using social media to build on friendships, right? In in an aspect where maybe you moved and you don't know how to make new friends, right? So I think that I like that aspect of having technology to assist you in that, and then from there you kind of you know see if those friendships move forward or if not.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

I know for sure. Also, I don't know how I found out about this. I think it was just googling, like doing my own research, but a lot of people also nowadays do book clubs. Girl, I just started a book club. Oh I just I love reading, so I'm like, you know what? I think I'm gonna join a book club because why not?

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Listen, so it's crazy because I knew everybody and we were all connected through me, but they all did not know each other. Oh wow, so it was it was so nice because we all knew each other kind of through me, but everybody really clicked, and we actually have our next book club meet this Friday.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Nice. What book are you reading?

SPEAKER_01 13:51

So we read Funny Story by Emily Henry. Is it good? Yes, it's very, very good. Um, yeah, and I actually just got a Kindle girl. I'm in that my my book club era. That's funny. But yes, listen, book clubs are a great way to like make those friendships, and it's um you know, personal. You're in person with them, you get to um relate through one book, like it's fun. It's it's honestly it's a great way. I'm gonna try it out. I'm gonna try it out.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

So, how would you say you can differentiate between a friendship that is low maintenance and one that is low effort?

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Okay, so low maintenance is a friendship that doesn't really require 24-7 communication, but like if you need something, I am there for you. I'm a call away, you know what I mean? Or you text me from time to time, like, hey, how are you? How's it going? You know, I thought about you, hope you're doing great. Low effort is more like when there's no time being put into the friendship relationship, or like they're just calling you, like, hey, like, can you help me with this? Or like, you know what I mean? It's just not a lot of effort is being put into that friendship.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

And I think a big one for me that helps me make a distinction is like energy, like per like a person's energy. So a lot of times it's hard to pinpoint this when it's let's say at a distance, whether it's an on an online platform, but when it's face to face, or at least you've engaged with that person through time, you just know. Like I have a friend that lives in Boston, so sometimes we don't talk for weeks, but when we talk, it feels like no time has passed by, or we meet in person and we just talk for hours. So the connection is just very much alive, and I feel like there's no need to perform or try to meet the other person's expectations, but things just flow naturally. I think when it's low effort, a lot of times they just have excuses. Like, let's say you're going to meet, oh, last minute, oh I can't. Like it's okay if it happens once in a while, but if it's continuous, that already says something. And I think when you look someone in the eye and they just can't be transparent, that just says everything.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

You grow, you grow and you learn through the ages.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

You become wiser, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Yes, because at first I think I was so naive, like, oh, maybe they're just going through things or they're having a hard time, but I'm like, I don't know anymore. Like, no, I saw them out and about the other day. And then sometimes I hinted that I'm just like, I'm gonna pray for you because they'll tell you that they're sick, but then on social media they're not sick, like they're at the beach getting drunk. I'm like, oh so you're you're sick from being drunk. I just have never seen such a thing, and the audacity, at least be private about it.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Why are you publicizing? Or honestly, just be honest. That's it. Honesty is key, you know what I mean? Just be honest.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Aye, aye, aye. What would you say is the biggest challenge you have faced or are currently facing relating to friendships? Would you say it falls more along the lines of forming new ones or maintaining existing ones?

SPEAKER_01 17:37

I think it falls more on maintaining friendships that we already have because we all go through different things in our life. We're in different seasons in our life, and you know, being able to maintain a friendship, maybe during a really like hard season for for you, can be hard to put into that friendship. You know what I mean? When you're battling many different things, like it can be hard to be there for that person or to you know be as active as you are in communication. So I think in that sense, it it can be more challenging versus making new friends, right? Because making new friends, hey, we can be friends. We met at a social event, we added each other on Instagram, okay. But maintaining it, I think is where the work really, really comes along.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

So for sure. Especially like you mentioned when you're dealing with different seasons of life. Like I think when I was younger, like I was in undergrad, it was just easier to maintain friendships because you see them every day. So even if you don't hang out outside of school, you have classes together, sometimes you just go have lunch together, it's just very accessible to do everything you want to do. But once either the person moves away to another state or let's say they got married, like everything just starts changing. Yeah, that's true. Alrighty. So when conflict arises in a friendship, what do you think is the number one tip you can offer listeners on how to handle the situation?

SPEAKER_01 19:15

For me, and the conflicts that I've had is communication. Oh, yeah. Um, I know many of us aren't very confrontational, and that's something that I've had to work on, but I think that communication is key because if you don't communicate with someone with what you're feeling or maybe what made you upset, the other person is not a mind reader. Right. They're not gonna know. So if let's say I'm upset with you and I'm just stop talking to you, I'm ghosting you. How will you know that there's something wrong? Very common nowadays. So common, and you know, and if you don't tell me, then how are we gonna resolve an issue that we both have or that I have with you? Like, how are we gonna find a resolution and continue our friendship? Because if it's meaningful to you, like you should want to try and communicate, you know, and work through that problem that you may have.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

For sure, and sometimes it's so small, so it's such a battle on the road, and I think you get in your head about it and you ruminate because you don't talk it out, so you're already like I've had moments listening. Um this may sound crazy, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that does this. You get in front of a mirror and you just start having a full-blown conversation with this imaginary person that is not there, just trying to like let it out, your anger, your disappointment, whatever it is, and you get heated. You're like, and I'm gonna say this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you haven't even given the person the opportunity to say like how they feel or what happened or whatnot. So it's like you're creating a conflict where there doesn't need to be a conflict.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah, you're having catastrophic thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Yes, just because you haven't verbalized it, and a lot of times I understand the confrontational piece because I used to be very non-confrontational, same, same, but a lot of it is in your head, like you start creating these scenarios, and once you say you feel so relieved, you're like, okay, porlomeno, I already said what I needed to say. Like, I don't know how the person's gonna take it, but a lot of times they take it fine. It's true, it's true. So communicate, people, communicate, and I would say also many times instead of going to the person that you're having the issue with, you go through a third party don't do that. I do not recommend this because that person could omit information or just like say other things that shouldn't have been said, and a lot of times it just aggravates the process because personally. For me, I'd rather you come to me than tell somebody else our business because it's just more people getting implicated when there's no need for that.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Yeah, that's true. That's very, very true.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

How do you know when you've simply outgrown someone versus when the friendship is worth fighting for?

unknown 22:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

So how do you know when you've outgrown someone? I feel like when our values are not aligning anymore. Or I'm pursuing this and my mind is on this, or I'm trying to change my lifestyle to be more like this, but your lifestyle is very different. It's the complete opposite, or things that I'm no longer trying to pursue, or just, you know, things like that. Um, and then versus when the friendship is worth fighting for. So is there still respect? Is the other person taking accountability? Is there willingness to repair what's broken? Are you willing to work together to make this work and continue a friendship?

SPEAKER_00 23:01

I think for me, I agree. Also, regardless of differences, like you said, are the core values still maintained or present? And also, I think a big one for me is someone that doesn't walk what they talk about. So maybe you're saying, Oh, I respect this uh movement or I'm passionate about this, but then their actions don't match their words. Like for me, that's a big one. If you if let's say you say you appreciate somebody, but then you're talking back about them behind your back, like what does that say about our friendship? Yeah, yeah, because when I walk away, what are you gonna do? The same thing. So I think that, and also when you've outgrown someone, I would say just feel almost apathetic. It's like you're numb to it, you just don't care anymore. You don't want to invest energy, you don't want to invest time. And I think there are signs early on of it, versus when you want to fight for it, you might have your questions or hesitations, but I think there's still part of you that says, I'm not Zania, like I still want to work on it, or my head's still in it, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I do want to bring something up. I don't know if this is okay. Um, but I had a little bit of an issue, not an issue, but you know, with what we have going on politically right now, many people have very different um political backgrounds, right? And my beliefs are very different than my friend, how she had been there with me through maybe the tough times or the good times, you know, she never left my side. So I was able to put that aside and still maintain our friendship, even though you know we do have those different political beliefs.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

So that's great. And I think it wasn't only on your part, but her ability to do the same. Because I think what happens is that ego gets in the way a lot of times. Girl, like, oh no, this is the way I think, and that's a it's like very rigid kind of mentality, and I think that's something I want to mention when it comes to friendships. You also have to be very open-minded because not everybody's gonna think like you. That's the reality. Exactly. You're not gonna be a hundred percent with everything, it's just like with a partner, the same thing applies with a friendship. Yeah, you're gonna have things in common, but you have to, I guess, pick and choose your battles. What are things that you're willing to kind of negotiate on, and what are things that are like deal breakers for you? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

So, okay. Last one, if you could be giving a piece of advice to listeners about finding quality friendships, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 25:56

I wrote a couple things down, okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Many, many pieces of advice.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

You have to be really mindful who you give your energy time energy and time to. Um, something that my mom used to always tell me growing up is like, dime con quien and that's Latinos love saying that. It's huge, it's huge because it's true. Like, you know, I feel like the people that you hang out with has a reflection on who you are as a person, you know, and and that's something that my mom always instilled in me growing up, and that's why I literally know it. And I think you have to be really mindful of who you do give your energy and your time to, you know, because at the end of the day, that comes back to you. Well, and the last thing I want to leave you with that I I looked up, Corinthians 15 33. It says, Do not be deceived, bad company ruins good morals. It's in the word, girl.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Great. No, it's very true, and I would save it more so in the times we're living. Because I think there's also so much information available that creates misinformation. It's like, where are you getting your source? I think more than anything nowadays, because, like I said, there's so much information available to us through social media, chat GPT, whatever you want to call it, that I think everybody wants to be so informed that at the same time it creates so much misinformation. And I think it's being mindful of where you borrow your content from or your information, right? And does this align with my values? So you have to be constantly being self-aware because I think a lot of times we think when you think similarly to the food that you digest after ingesting, like through your mouth, we ingest different pieces of information with our eyes, with what we listen to, with who we surround ourselves with. And I would say sometimes that's even more important than even the food you actually eat.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Because it has a bigger impact on your mental health, on your decision making, on everything. And in your case, it not only falls back on you, but on your children, like what you're teaching them, and then what they're gonna teach their children. So it's a whole legacy thing. Right. That was really well said, it's true. Thank you so much for your time and for your advice and your knowledge. I'm pretty sure everyone will enjoy this episode, and everyone can relate to this topic because we all have friends and friendships, and some are forming new ones or just trying to maintain the ones that they already have. And I hope I'll see you another time. Maybe you come back and talk.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yes, let me know. And I do want to say to all the people out there that like are wanting to make new friends, go out into your community. They have social wellness clubs where you can meet new people, make friends, you know, meet people in in a more organic way in person, you know, start conversations with a person next to you in line. Like it's there's so many different ways if you do want to make those friendships, or like you said, book clubs, just look out into your community. There's a lot of ways to kind of get yourself out there and make genuine friendships for sure.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

All right, everyone. I'll see you on the next episode. Bye.