Beyond Gender: What Transition Taught Me About Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, and Resilience with Bobbi Barrington

In this episode of The Self-Help Podcast, Deepali sits down with Bobbi Barrington — speaker, storyteller, coach, and a living testament to the power of late-life reinvention.

Bobbi spent 26 years in the wrong marriage, 40 years in the wrong career, and 59 years in the wrong body — until she chose change. Her story is not just about transition; it is about liberation, identity, truth, and the courage to rewrite your entire life, no matter how long you’ve lived it.

At 65, Bobbi is proof that transformation is not bound by age, circumstance, or fear. She brings a rare blend of honesty, humor, softness, and fierce self-belief as she shares the messy, magical, deeply human process of becoming who you truly are.

This conversation goes far beyond gender. It speaks to every listener who has ever felt stuck, unseen, or afraid to take the first step toward the life they actually want. Bobbi’s reflections on courage, emotional intelligence, reinvention, and womanhood offer a refreshing, compassionate perspective on what it means to evolve.

🧠 Key Takeaways

✨ You are allowed to rewrite your story — at any age.
Bobbi’s journey is proof that it’s never too late to become the person you were always meant to be.

✨ Reinvention is messy — and that’s what makes it real.
Falling down and getting back up is part of the process, not a sign of failure.

✨ Courage grows through action.
You don’t wake up fearless — you take one brave step, then another.

✨ Identity is not fixed.
We’re all evolving, expanding, shedding, and becoming — over and over again.

✨ Transformation is personal — but profoundly universal.
Bobbi’s story resonates because at its core, it is about truth, freedom, and belonging.

🚗 Bobbi’s Journey Across Australia

At the time of this recording, Bobbi is traveling solo across Australia — speaking, meeting communities, sharing her story, and reminding people everywhere that possibility doesn’t expire. Her journey itself is a metaphor for reinvention: uncertain, wide open, brave, and deeply alive.

"How to feel alive again"
https://www.bobbibarrington.com/feel-alive-again

Feel Alive Again is a free, practical guide designed for women who feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or stuck. It helps you rediscover your spark by reconnecting with the parts of yourself you’ve ignored for too long, and gives you simple steps to shift your emotional state, your focus, and your daily energy so you can start feeling alive, grounded, and in charge of your life again.

Find more and connect with Bobbi:

https://www.bobbibarrington.com/

Find more and connect with Deepali:

https://www.deepalinagrani.com/

Want to be a guest on The Self-Help Podcast with Deepali Nagrani? Send Deepali Nagrani a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/deepalinagrani

Transcript

Setting The Theme: Identity And Courage

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, so seasons in life then you look around and realize that this is not my life. And I'm living someone else's story. Maybe it's the wrong expectations or the wrong identity. She built a life that looked beautiful from the outside. Fighting neutral that refused to disappear. And then in her 60s, she did something extraordinary. She rewrote the complete story. She hated that we said about it. This is about gender, yes, but even more it's about courage. About emotional intelligence. And finally, stepping into the life that has always belonged to you. I'm the poly, I'm a mum, a speaker, a storyteller, and the host of the Cell Pell Podcast. This is your space where we share stories that were spoken to me to and I'm not behind, and I'm not alone, and that I matter.

Meet The Guest: Bobby’s New Beginning

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Today I'm sitting with the storyteller, the speaker, the coach, and transformation guide, Bobby Barrington. Please stay with us. This one might shift something deeply within you. Bobby, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining in for this conversation on this episode today. And I've been like looking forward to this conversation ever since we started. First off, I have been super excited. So thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Oh hello, TiPali. I have two. It just resonates with me what you're saying and what you're doing. And I think it's so important. And you know, like like so many people are, as you say, living lives in the wrong identity. You know, you know, lives that don't light them up, lives that don't feel fulfilling. And, you know, that was me. And I've changed everything. And it wasn't easy, and I still do the work, but it was so possible. And as a consequence, I am so happy. I am so, so happy now in a way that I have not known was possible. And I feel like I'm on purpose. I follow my passions, which I spent decades looking for. I know what they are, I know why I'm here now, and living in my authenticity in body, in mind, in spirit, has been the most exciting journey. Discovering me has been the most exciting journey of my entire life, and I'm still living that. I'm still so excited. I'm 66 now, and I feel like I'm just beginning. I feel like at times when others might be thinking of retiring or whatever. I'm just starting. And I love that, and I can't imagine doing anything else. I have such important things to say, and people need to hear, I believe. So thank you for this opportunity for me to speak about that and and maybe make help people find a little shift in themselves and make a little decision and create a different outcome or a different life, one that's more fulfilling and lights them up a little more. I would love for that to be the outcome of this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Thanks so much, uh Bobby, for really grounding us and it's very powerful and profound and just plain beautiful what you just said. You said you're so excited, and you know, you can't wait to look forward into what this

Joy, Purpose, And Starting At 66

SPEAKER_00 3:47

journey of authenticity and being really truly who you are from within you, from deep down, actually at false like. So I'm also equally excited for you. Now, the way you speak already carries so much clarity, like you know, a woman who's led many, many chapters to arrive here, and it must have been a hard journey, but also an equally enlightening journey for you, right? Now, if I go to meet you at a coffee shop today and I ask you, Hi Bobby, who are you? Tell me a little bit about yourself. So, how would you describe yourself then?

SPEAKER_03 4:24

That's a great question. I describe myself as someone who has had the courage to step through what was holding her back, and now with that experience and enlightenment, I am a person who's here to help other people do the same. Because having having discovered, like, it's a dream come true, and how can I keep that to myself? I cannot, it's not possible for me because I know I know with every fibre of my being that every single one of us has unlimited potential within us, except that we limit ourselves, and I'm here to help shine lights on the paths that guide people to their own truth, their own authenticity. That's who I am, and that's my mission, and I want that more than anything. Who am I? A guide, a shiner of lights, a holder of hands, a leader, a personification of possible possibility, an example of what can be possible. And you know, like for me too, it's I'm just beginning. I'm just beginning this journey, and there is so much more, so much more, and I'm so excited to find that. And I am more excited to find what's possible for me than I am frightened of the journey of finding it. I am willing to do the work because it's not handed to me, it's not handed to anyone, but there are people like me, beautiful people, coaches, friends, others who are willing to walk beside because we are human and we have emotions and we struggle with fear, and it's so so juicy and easy to stay where we are. But I never wanted to live a half-life. I never wanted to live in mediocrity, and I never ever want to die regretting that I didn't do more, tried harder, took more of a risk. I don't want that. And if that's you too, then I understand that, and that's what I do, help people through that.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Wow, that's so beautiful when you said that you're like you don't regret that you know you wasted any bit of your potential, and that's like coming from every fibre of you existing here. And I'm sure you're definitely on that journey, and and you any which has inspired a lot of us, including me sitting on the other side of the mic today. I love that, and it feels very rooted and intentional, like you're speaking from a reclaimed life, not a performed life, and it really sets the tone so beautifully for where we're going today in this

The Power Of Story And Self-Belief

SPEAKER_00 7:27

episode. So, if listeners remember one sentence about you from this entire episode, what would you want that to be?

SPEAKER_03 7:37

So we create our reality, we create our lives through our belief systems, through our identities, through um our worldviews, through our attitudes, and through the stories we tell ourselves. And a massive part of my shift. So I I'm 66 now and I spent I was a I I lived as a man for some 60 years, and now I live as a now I'm a woman, although in many ways I always have been. And so I say, you know, I lived 26 years in the wrong marriage, 40 years in the wrong career, and 59 years, 60 years in the wrong body, and I've changed everything. I haven't quite changed everything, I'm still working on mindset and habits and avoidances and fears of my own, you know, childhood woundings and so forth. I'm still working on all that, and I will for the rest of my life because that's where the growth is. And so what I've changed in my identity, stepping into my authenticity, is my story. Is the story of my life that was my truth, and I believed it. For example, I used to always believe I was an unhappy person, and I felt unsafe through my life. I felt like I was failing and unsuccessful. I also identified as an introvert, and these are statements about myself that I believed as my truth. And now I don't believe those things. I've changed the story of my life, and I've changed the meaning I gave to or I have given to things that happened in my life, you know, like in my childhood, my alcoholic father, my um emotional, emotionally difficult household I grew up in, you know, like loneliness, things like that. I've changed the meaning of those things. And yes, that things happened, but I've changed my reality through the story I talk about. So the one thing I would say is through awareness and through decision to tell a better story, tell a better story because it's all stories. We are become aware of our stories, we have now an opportunity to agree with them or not agree with them. We have a choice moment to create a different destiny, a different identity. And that would be the one thing I would say is about the stories we tell ourselves. And are they true? Are they mine? Are you sure? Because they could be someone else's you may have bought into.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Very, very well said, and thanks for sharing that, Bobby. And when you were just speaking, I was like, I was just thinking about myself. Like, what are the stories that I keep telling myself, or what what are the stories that my mind is telling to me, and whether they are really true or not. And I also am an ardent believer in the power of stories and precisely why I started this podcast. We all have stories, and stories are meant to be told, and everyone's story, it's so important and so profound, and and that we all matter, and and we should never feel like okay, maybe I'm behind, or maybe I'm not good enough, or you know, for for me, I struggle for the most part. I wanted to be a storyteller speaker, but it took me a lot of time uh for me to encourage myself to actually pick up the mic and do it. So when you've said what you

Before Reinvention: Upbringing And Misalignment

SPEAKER_00 11:20

said, I was like exactly thinking about myself, and thank you so much for your simplicity, honestly, and it goes straight to the nervous system of anybody listening to this, and thanks for naming that. Now, let's go backwards for a quick moment. Before the re-invention, before the truth telling and a lot of the soul searching, what did your life look like on the outside? And where did you grow up? You know, what were you doing in your early years? And you know, then what was the reality on the inside that kept bothering you?

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Well, yeah, so oh my god, everything has changed for me. Like I I grew up in Australia and and I was white. So I'm still white. I was male, and I socialized as a male, and I had a emotional traditions of a man. I grew up at a time which was really quite transphobic. Sorry, not trans well, transphobic as well, but I mean homophobic, you know, that was that was specifically the thing. And and I and I grew up in a um, you know, a a conservative household. And I went to a private school in Adelaide in South Australia. And and that was my truth. And I went to university, and you know, through all those years, and I mentioned something about emotional, an emotionally challenging household, and I learned very early to not stick out, not be heard, not be seen, not to make waves, not to rock the boat. And that was the start of me learning. This has nothing to do with gender, that was me learning to be an introvert or to be conditioned as an introvert, if you like. And so I spent my whole life feeling that there was more. I just didn't like myself. And I didn't like myself mentally, you know, like how I how I showed up, and I was like always wishing that I was the person who was out front and everything, but I didn't have the courage for that. And I was tall and I was kind of thin and gangly, and then I got gr got grey hair, and I just didn't like I just didn't like me. I was just unhappy. That's why I said I felt I was an unhappy person through all of my life. And I I went to university and look when I was at school, I want to do something scientific and outdoors. You know, that excited me. So what did I do? Accountancy. Oh my god, you know, you know, flip off of it. I always was, and and this is through people pleasing my father and emotional pressure to do something at a time when I was, you know, quite vulnerable and didn't know where I was going. So I thought I'd do that, and that was you know, I stayed with that and I did I did these kinds of work for like all my working career, some 40 or so years. Project management, business analysis, you know, all control sorts of things. And and I, you know, it's only in recent times that I've realized that all of this was control was to keep me safe because I was frightened of the future, I catastrophise about the future, and I didn't have very much self-trust at all. I felt like an imposter in my work, and I thought they're paying me this money to do this, and I don't even understand it. Oh my god, you know, and and you know, these these years go by, and then I had a family and obligations and mortgages and bills, and also as a man, responsibilities to provide, support my family and stuff, and and I was just so lost in that. But I but I always had this vision that there was more, that there was more for me, that I was here for something important, something meaningful. I wanted to matter, and I didn't feel like I mattered in what I was doing. And this is different to the gender. The gender stuff was was really weird because it was like my late 40s, and I started feeling differently about my body. I was like these two things going on at the same time, you know, the lack of trust and and fear and insecurity and uncertainty about my life and my my work and why I was here and also my body. And I came to got to a point where I thought to myself, I should have been born a woman. And that just started recurring with me, you know, like I just

Career Control, Fear, And Body Truths

SPEAKER_03 16:10

felt wrong in my body. And I don't know why this happened, but looking back at my life, I can see many moments where it showed up, but I didn't see it at the time because I didn't know anyone trans in my world, and it was only, you know, when I transitioned myself that I met any other trans people, you know, so it's not like I was influenced by anyone else, it was just like this internal feeling. So I've I've gone through these two transitions, one in gender, one in mindset, and there's a massive overlap, obviously, but both of that has helped me to discover me to be comfortable in my own skin and to be who I'm supposed to be in the world. And I love who I've become. Just I'm so excited by this version of me that is lit up, happy, you know, and that's and Pali, it's not because of stuff outside of me, it's because of the inside of me.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Yeah. Yeah, and thanks for sharing your story and you know and your deeply personal truth, and thank you for going here. So many of us, so many people know that feeling of the beautiful exterior, like everything looking just picture perfect outside. But they live with like the quiet ink underneath that nobody sees, and hearing your name, it out loud makes them make people feel seen and and that they're not alone. And it can feel like living a life of contradictions when everything is seemingly so successful on people, not not just for you, like in general, for a lot of people, even for me. I appear to be a very happy, healthy person from the outside. But it is what I'm trying to put to project on on the podcast or something. But does everybody know my real story and like what I have battled through? Of course, a few things were an apple to climb, and some were downward spirals. So everybody goes through their fair share of struggle. For some, it's different, like you know, it's different for different people with different kinds of intensity. But thanks so much for your honesty. And I know seemingly successful people and seemingly successful things on the outside, but you know, feeling completely misaligned on the inside. That's like misalignment can grow quietly until one vote feels right at the top of its lung, and you just gave language to something that many, many people silently ignore, and also often overlooked right until they actually get mastered and gathered up all the courage to accept it or to make sense for their own selves, not really for the world, but for something that they've been feeling. As you said, you've been feeling it for some time, and then you went you had to go like a complete shift in your mindset and Nintendo in both. And of course, you said they were massive overlaps, which are expected. So thanks for sharing that. Now, you said um you were also struggling with feelings of uncertainty, insecurity. We all do I do it all the time. So were you good at hiding it, or uh did people around you notice drags?

SPEAKER_03 19:14

How was it like I don't think anyone knew. I don't think I don't think anyone outside like I had a really hard time, you know. Like I lived in London, England for a long time. 25 years I lived there, and I met my met my ex. So I'm divorced now, and I have three children, and they live in Sydney, and I haven't seen them for six years, and they don't talk to me, and that's not for lack of me reaching out, but you know, for s for some reason they don't, and so my children were born over in the UK, and we came to Australia um around 2013, like twelve years ago now, and everything. And it was such an awful time and such a struggle financially, emotionally, and relationship. So that have I lived in Sydney for six years and I don't know, we we just didn't talk. Myself and my ex, you know, so I was so struggling and felt so lonely and unsupported, and doing my best. Nobody knew about the gender stuff. I didn't even really know about the gender stuff particularly because I had no idea that this reality that I've created for me as the woman that I am always was was a possibility, and so were people aware of what was going on in me? Not really. I think we just knew that life was really shitty for that period of time, and it was such a struggle. Especially with finance, and especially because you know I said I I lived working wrong career for 40 years, so I I worked in the railways and I and I came back from the UK to Australia and I just couldn't find a job or a contract or you know, because my heart wasn't in it. I wasn't I didn't didn't feel that it was

Hidden Struggle And Isolation

SPEAKER_03 21:20

I felt like an imposter. I just didn't really understand it. Like now, now I am such a people person. I am I am so lit up standing in front of audiences and speaking and speaking one to one and doing what we're doing now, and it is a delight to me. Sitting at my computer, you know, doing spreadsheets and numbers and planning and stuff, and that was not me, that you know, and and that didn't and if there's one thing I've learned, it's to follow your joy, it's to follow your intuition and your instincts and what lights you up and and the stuff that you get out of bed for in the morning, and the thing that Wow, what is that thing? And I would so encourage every one of us to ask themselves, what is that thing? What do I want, you know, and and really be curious about what it is that excites you and not diminish it because I don't know how I'm gonna make money out of this, or you know, it's wrong, or you know, I've I've studied medicine for six years, how on earth can I go and be a bloody lumberjack or something?

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah, yeah, and and when you were saying that about just finding joy with speaking and you know, with being with people one-on-one and doing what you're doing, what we are doing right now, I I saw the glimmer in your eyes. So I know what you feel and Bobby, I feel the same too. When you were mentioning about project management and accounting and spreadsheets, I mean I like was also cringing for myself a little bit because I do all that stuff. I mean, I don't I'm not good at the spreadsheet at all. Like I hate it, but I do love my job in technology, but also I really, really love storytelling and speaking. You can hear, I I put my passion in the crowd on the mic. So, you know, it took me very, very long to pursue this because I kept telling to myself, hmm, why would people even listen to me? Oh, maybe there are better looking pretty speaking from you know, someone who's pretty much why would someone want to listen to me? What do I have to say? So, like these are the all limiting things that I had to like, you know, keep somewhere in the trash can and then move forward and gather some courage to do it. And I think I do a decent job at it, and just the the pursuit of it is really a joyful activity for me, right? This one hour of conversation brings me so much joy, and and I've had like fewer recordings just from morning today. I'm not exhausted. I do have my cup of water with me because I sometimes have short of that because I've been speaking all day. It's very important to keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep going at it. Like, even today when you were speaking, I was thinking about the future of my podcast. Like, okay, I'm doing this, but like, what's the end role that I'm choosing? And I have two different paths that I want to go, but it's still not very clear. The only difference is I'm okay with that lack of clarity for now. As long as I'm doing one, yeah, one right thing in front of the other, I'm good, Bobby.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Oh, that has been a massive learning for me, you know. Like, like letting I used to be such a catastrophizer, you know, and I would and I would use spreadsheets and I would predict the future, and I would I knew the time in the future when I was gonna run out of money and I was gonna have to like sleep under a bridge, in a car, jump off a bridge, whatever, you know, because I couldn't see that I couldn't see a way off it. I couldn't see that life could be different, that life could offer me something, a conversation,

Following Joy Over Spreadsheets

SPEAKER_03 25:10

a thought, you know, something comes in my life, and suddenly life is it's different, you know. Like you could see, you know how it is, you're sitting there with you know the weight of the world on your shoulder, and everything is terrible and doom and gloom, and then all of a sudden one thing happens, one thing, and all of a sudden, whoa, that that weight lifts off, and wow! And you you know, it's all a story, it's a story that we're making up, and I used to make up these stories, but what I've been doing over this last year, you know, year and a half is traveling and really putting myself into uncomfortable situations and traveling around the country and speaking and speaking and going for you know, I did lots of rotary clubs and went from one to the other, and I stood in front of audiences of people I didn't know and said stuff, you know, and built the muscle. Built the muscle of being able to do that, and you know, and and as I build these muscles of being able to trust myself to do that, and and my god, I fell down and forgot what I was gonna say and you know felt embarrassed by that and whatever, but but but I was all the time building trust, and in building trust, I'm building safety, I'm building safety in me, all at the same time as I'm going through all this legal stuff through my divorce where I've lost so much, which is why I'm starting again. I'm rebuilding my whole life financially, and I'm 66, and am I gonna get a mortgage? No chance, so I'm gonna have to work this out, and I can and I will. And but the other thing I wanna say to Pali is just stepping into the unknown. Just keep stepping and not being attached to how it's gotta look, how life has to unfold. This is my vision, but exactly when or how, or you know, doesn't matter. And and letting go of that attachment. So you as your podcast, you know, you get up today, you do it, you have joy doing it, and that's good enough.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

You know, yeah, need to be. We don't have to like really think about controlling the outcomes, which I do quite often. I've been several changes in the day with my life, also, Bobby. I'd I'd like wonder, okay, what am I doing? And like, what's my next big thing, next small thing, and you know, everything in between. I have this habit of I'm a typical nerd, like Taipei personality, like someone who really plans things. I have learned, like, I'm not as strict with this, but I used to lose my mind when things won't go my way or like just the perfect way. Which I'm I learned life isn't meant to be perfect. There are going to be ups and downs. Just because I'm a planner doesn't mean like I'm entitled to everything working perfect, picture perfect. No, and so I had to like shake off that sense of entitlement. Like, you know, this is not coming from any place of ego, probably, but like just you know, in the sense of pride that I take with all the hard work that I've been doing. I'm like, okay, I I take care of my health, I eat my food and body, so I'm not gonna get this illness or that illness, but life happens. So you cannot really predict the outcomes that can only happen in corporate worlds, and even if that happens, there you be you and I we know the outcomes over time. It's wild, and to me, it's even wilder. How we become experts at masking, even from ourselves, we keep we keep telling ourselves okay, a wrong story. This is not how I think I could do I need more script, I need more preparation to show up in front of 50 people and give a talk. So, thanks for sharing that. And um, um, you know, at the risk of sounding negative, which I don't intend to, I feel very, very validated that I'm not the only person who's doing things like that. But you know, really, really a long journey for me, and of course to you also to uncover, and I'm equally excited for you. So um, you said the fear of coming out is real, right? And the idea that being yourself, like truly, really who you are, might cost you everything financially, career-wise, relationships-wise, you use all that word. So that's a very heavy feeling to carry alone. So, if you could sit beside your younger self today, think of it as me, the one who was quietly struggling with many, many things. What would you tell me, or would what would you tell her now?

SPEAKER_02 29:27

I would say to you, follow your joy.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

I would say don't be so frightened, you know. Yeah. I would say trust yourself, trust yourself, you you've got this, you know, like you have, and we all have, everything we need inside of us, you know, like this is an interesting. I was on a speaker's course over the weekend, a three-day speaker event, where I was like learning more about embody and you know, embodiment, and it was fabulous. And one of the things I talk about is getting out of boxes. And when I mean boxes, I mean the belief systems that keep us constrained in a worldview. And I put out a post last week about the box of age, and there are many boxes, there are millions of boxes, but the the age box. And so I'm 66, and people tell me or have told me in the past, at your age, you know, don't wear like all those young women's clothes and stuff, and you know that Yeah, and there and there are expectations on how I'm supposed to behave, and you know, like you know, how short my skirts are allowed to be, and and stuff. And I was like, fuck off. Can I say that fucking just your business? You know, like this is this is you know that you're trying to impose your worldview on me, and I'm not buying it, right? And there was this young fellow there as well, and he was 16, and he was starting to say, When I'm older, I will be able to, you know, when I'm just young, I'm just learning, and therefore I can't. You know, and it's like if I'm if I'm 66, 76, 86, whatever, you can start to buy into that box that says, Because you're 66, you can't, 46 or 31 or 16, whatever. I am, therefore, I can't. And this is what I'm gonna

Trusting The Unknown And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03 31:40

say to people, because you can. And this is just an excuse and an avoidance of something that's scary with a justification that's an age justification, and uh and the world is gonna agree with you. The world is gonna say that, uh Bobby, you're 66, you know, why are you going to university and getting a new degree or something? Or 96, whatever, you know, like like who says? Who says that I have to conform with anyone else's view of what age means? Or, you know, like education or body or you know, like community, any any of these or what it is just to be a woman. I'm a woman, therefore I can't have equality, right? You know, that that sort of story that we can buy into and is it the truth or are we making it a truth because we believe it? You know? So I really want people to start becoming aware of their own thoughts and their own beliefs and what is going on and is it truth? You know, because it's so sneaky, these things, they're so you know, so sneaky in our world, and and we get told it all the time because we live in communities of people who agree with that, and these are people who are not us and are not on the journeys that we're on. You know, if you want to say, I'm tired, it's the end of the day, I can't do any more work, and I'm gonna go and watch Netflix and you know have an early night or drink a bottle of wine or something, you know, those sorts you know, you can do that, you can choose that. There's nothing wrong with that. I I don't care what people do, but if you are buying into the story about why I can't, why you can't, then really, really it's an opportunity and access point for growth right there, right there.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Right there, yeah, exactly, yeah. And that's very powerful what you just said, and the compassion in your voice towards your younger self or to me when you were just saying, you know, find joy in what you really like and just go for it. You don't have to know all the steps, you just can feel comfortable and confident by taking the first step, and then we can figure it out from there, right? Like that it's not the end of the world, don't be so frightened. Like, I have felt that way for the most part. So that has been very, very healing in itself to fear. So thank you for that. And age, it's only now that I'm learning. I'm like 33, and not that like I was uh operating in any mental model, but I've started to learn more and more, Bobby, especially with the podcast, that age is just a number, and it's it's not a sign of maturity or wisdom. It's you know who can be as young and pay as good feel in your mind and whatnot, right? And that fact about the mental models. We are so deeply carried away, and you know, we are so deeply engrossed in our way of thinking that we don't bother to look sideways, right? Like, okay, I think this is the right way. I'm gonna do and do the go and do this. So it's okay, it's good to be a rebel. Yeah, but self-connecting beliefs, you have to shatter them because if you don't, then you're on the big line. And as you said, that's that's a vantage growth point, right?

SPEAKER_03 34:55

Yeah, well, and and it's really hard to see your own limiting beliefs. So, this is why I am such an advocate for coaches, such an advocate for people who ask intelligent questions and help you to find the you know the real truth within, you know, like through powerful questioning, you know, like how can you see it yourself? It's so much part of your world, you know, it's like a fishing water, you know, cuts to the water. So, how can you see your limiting beliefs without someone else helping you, you know, shine a light on that? And that's why I just might look can I tell you the story of when I started with my current coach, like it was four four years ago, and four years ago I'd left my family and I was in the process of getting divorced and I was in Sydney and I packed all my stuff and I drove to Adelaide where my mum was and she got dementia and she went and took care and subsequently passed away. But during that time, I was trying these different you know network marketing businesses, multi-level marketing, you know, like and having no success whatsoever. And I was I was trying to create

Advice To A Younger Self: Break The Boxes

SPEAKER_03 36:05

success with the mindset that, you know, I was trying to solve my own problems with a mindset that that had created them. You know, you've probably heard that before, you know, and uh and I had mountains of letters piled up unopened because I was like too scared and and couldn't even bring myself to open them. I had 30,000 emails that I couldn't open because how could I focus my attention on that when I didn't have an income, when I had these massive problems to solve, and I kept going harder at solving my problem, doing, doing, doing, staying up later, you know, doing the things they said, posting, doing the 30-day sprints or whatever. I kept doing the stuff with no no result, and I reached out for coaching. Um I am not shy to invest in myself. I think that is so important. That's the best investment ever on myself, and reach out for help. And I thought it was either the market, my message, or me, and I knew honestly, it was me. And I found my current coach, and everything changed, and she got me to stop doing and start being and stop forcing and start trusting, and all of my story around I can't do this, I can't make money, I'm not successful, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I am statements, I am an unsuccessful person, I am an unhappy person. All of these I am statements, and suddenly they started shifting when I sat on a hill and literally did nothing and let my intuition and my unconscious mind start to bubble up, and all of a sudden, oh my god, I can do this, I can do this. And I got so excited about wow, I can do this, and I started believing in myself again. And she said, Bobby, Bobby, you know, of all of these things you can do, you know, what lights you up the most? And I said, Judy, I said, I feel I will make more of an impact with what I say than with what I do. I feel that through speaking, through my words, through language, and this beautiful tool we have called language, and my ability to shape it and speak. I have a power of leverage to help shift the reality a little bit for millions of people. And so speaking came back into my world, and my speaker coach appeared, and then I moved across the country and I drove 2200 kilometers and packed my van, and now I've got a new life in a new part of the world, and it is just amazing, and I've changed it all, and that's how that happened. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

That is a lot, a lot of change when you were saying this. I was like so much, Bobby. How did you even do that? But you know, cheers to your um courage and your strength and all the more about you. So thanks again for sharing this uh unpolished version. Like bravery usually isn't glamorous, it's it's like waking up in the middle of night, crying to yourself, finding yourself in situations where you feel like okay, there's no way out from here, but you get up and you do it anyway. It's shaky, messy, but very, very beautifully human. And and that that's what exactly is making your story real, and it is. So I appreciate your honesty. And you said, right? Some conversations with your coaches. So all the kinds of conversations help us, but some of these hard-hitting questions change us and they actually crack things open. Sometimes you have these conversations with your coaches, gurus, mentors, or sometimes with your family members, or say a friend, or within yourself. And that's when the light enters in you. So you carried all that with so much strength, and when the inner narrative changed, the entire outer world started to reorrange itself. I know you meant that, and I feel that too. So I Keep reminding myself, hey, I need to look inside. It's telling me to do some more internal rework. Now I feel like I have to do a lot of internal work to actually do something meaningful. So thanks, Bobby, for sharing your deeply personal path here. Now you talk about, I know you built a successful speaking career, something that I really aspire to do. And I was going through your website this morning, and you know what, I bookmarked it and I wanted to show it to my husband to see if he could, you know. I mean, not trying to copy you, but definitely taking a lot of inspiration from what you do and how you do it, and you put in a lot of heart and effort into you know everything. Yeah, I saw your posts, I saw your speaking engagements, you know, all of that. So it's it's wonderful. Now, you talk so deeply about the power of telling a better story. Someone hearing that phrase for the first time, what does it actually mean to you? And how do you become a storyteller? And frankly, more than for my listeners, I'm asking this question for myself.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Oh, what a great question. You know, in fact, that was something we touched on over the weekend about about the shape of a story, you know, and about about you know, this is something I learned, I learned as as well. Maybe I've got a note here. Here it is. You know, and something I learnt about storytelling was that for human beings is so so basic, you know, so fundamental. And I really love the metaphor of the story as like the Trojan horse, and how do you remember the story about the the Greek the Greeks, you know, they built this Trojan horse and pushed it through the gates of Troy. And inside there were hidden all of these Greek soldiers, and during the night they jumped

Coaching, Belief Shifts, And Doing Less

SPEAKER_03 41:40

out and went and slaughtered everyone or whatever there was. But the story, the st the story is the Trojan horse, and because we're humans, we we the story bypasses our thinking, our thinking processes, our thinking brain, and connects with our emotional brains. And so the story is the Trojan horse. And out of the story jumps all of these little emotional qu emotional connections that help help impact our thought processes or life experience or something, you know, like so the story bypasses the thinking and lets you connect with someone on a very emotional level. And and I just learned over the weekend that when we tell a story and we build the tension and we don't reveal all of it at the start, you know, like stories unfold and you hold the tension, and as that happens in our brain, there's a release of cortisol. So there's a there's a a biological aspect to you know, or neurological aspect to how and why stories work. And I can't know what cortisol does, but it you know it creates anticipation, I suppose. And then when you get to the point where, oh my god, that is the moment, that is the moment that the hero does something heroic or whatever it is, and then and then coming out of that, the brain releases oxytocin. So there's there is a neurological thing in stories as to why they work, but I love stories because I don't have to tell people, I don't have to teach people, I just share a story that so lets them connect in an emotional way and so that they can see themselves reflected in what is being, you know, like we we're people, we're smart, we c we can we can join the dots if you like. You know, so and so stories, there are so many kinds of stories, and I just like this is this is a thing that I just learnt as well, is that I have like my catalogue of stories and everything, and I and they tend to be big things, you know, like when I was fighting a bushfire in two th in 1983, and you know, I have a whole story about that in in the Adelaide Hills. Um But stories can be little as well. They can be just like when you stood in the supermarket queue and you were talking to someone and they said this and they did that, and and it can be i as engaging as the big stuff. You know, it doesn't have to be big, it's just like connection through you know, and I and that's a it's an art and a practice and a muscle build, and there is a shape to it. You know, there's you know if you if you watch a Pixar film and the way that they that they you know there there there are books about how to how to tell stories the Pixar way, if you like. And you know, there there is a certain formula to it, you know, and there have been studies on stories, and I think there are eleven different types sort of thing. And I'd recommend you went went and had a look at some of those, but um Yeah, I like but me with me at my age kind of thing, I've got a whole repertoire of life. Just share. And and like for for for some people, like growing old really sucks when you like lose your health. But for me, there's a richness to it. There's all of these connections and and synergies that I can pull together and and and make the world richer and more interesting, and it's just beautiful. I love doing that.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Yeah, I see, and I see how you sparkle, but just by saying that, so I know you certainly are living that experience. And this one, this uh explanation, thanks uh for breaking that down, Bobby. It reminds me of this quote. I'm sure you've heard it, right? The purpose of a storyteller is not to tell you how to think, but really to give you questions to think upon, right? Like we're not telling, jumping, dictating anything, just really planting that little seed of what you need to think on, and just take it from there. And then your God-given intuition and your heart and your mind will will answer it. You don't really need to follow someone else's cue on it. So thank you for saying that. And there's a certain degree of freedom, I sense, in how you talk about age. You know, from all the living, I get to change the meaning of it.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

You know, what is the meaning of the number? You know, you can you can make it mean. What we feel and what we focus on.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

Okay, um, I think probably we could do another like a completely different uh episode on the show. And I can't already uh wait to have you back. So thank you so much. Your story rewrites what people think is uh possible at any given chapter at any point in their lives, and uh there's

Finding The Voice: Choosing Speaking

SPEAKER_00 47:20

nothing really more powerful than becoming the woman your younger self needed. So that is you today, that is me today, you know. Way, way, way more comfortable and confident in my own skin, and just someone my younger self would be happy knowing, right? So thanks for sharing all of that, Bobby. This conversation was really raw, tender, and um fiercely hopeful. Um, and to everyone listening, um, maybe your life doesn't need a grand overhaul. Maybe it just needs one true sentence, one tiny brave step at a time. I'm Dupali, and uh this is the Self Help Podcast. Uh Bobby, let our listeners know where they can find you or walk with you, connect with you.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Brilliant. Yes, so Bobby is B O B O D B I. Bobby. So my website is Bobby Barrington.com. You can find me on socials on um Instagram. I'm still learning this stuff to be honest. I'm just like, whoa, I'm just like just beginning in so much. But my socials Bobby Barrington and can I just also mention I have something to give away also. I have a a guide with a with a 14-day with 14-day email support. For people who are typically women, if you like, I I resonate with women as it happens, but also men, of course. For people who get to a time in life when they start to feel disillusioned about this all there is, or you know, I thought there was gonna be more, or I used to have these dreams and whatever happened to them. You know, it's it's it's called How to Feel Alive Again, and it's a series of reflective questions just to go into about your life and to be introspective about stuff and you know there's no pressure, and you know, I'll I'll collect an email and we can perhaps keep in touch that way and you can I can share more stuff with with people. But um, if we can just pop that in the show notes, that would be amazing.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

But it's also findable, superb, thank you. But it's also findable through my website. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Website? Okay, yeah, we put both the link. So I'll put in all the socials and your website, and then also separately the link to the uh reflective questions that our readers and our listeners can definitely benefit from. And uh yeah, can't wait to have you next time. Uh, thank you so much for all your time and story. I I feel like I could talk with you for hours.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Me too. Me too. It's it's been such a joy, and I am looking I love that you're doing this, and I do a lot of podcasts these days, and I just I just love how it makes the world a little bit closer, a little bit more connected, a little bit safer, and like we're all the same. We're all the same. We're humans.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

You're all the same, yeah. Connected closer and safer is what we want to walk away with. So thanks once again. Keep owning your own story, keep rewriting your story, and remember that your story matters. I'm Dupali, and until we meet next time, see you and bye bye.