Unblock Your Becoming with Tara Wiskow

Ever feel like you’ve tried all the “right” things—new habits, new goals, even a new look—yet keep ending up in the same loop? In this episode, intuitive leader and reinvention expert Tara Wisco shares how a life-or-death wake-up call revealed the real work: clearing your energy, shifting identity, and stopping self-abandonment to keep others comfortable.

We explore why external change doesn’t last when your inner identity stays the same, the masks women wear across work, family, and fitness, and how they fracture authenticity. Tara introduces practical energy hygiene—grounding, clearing, and protection—plus everyday resets to release energetic clutter and break self-sabotage.

We also get real about people-pleasing and boundaries, with compassionate tools for saying no, trusting your body’s yes/no cues, and choosing yourself without guilt. We spotlight Tara’s BITCHIN movement (Be The Change You Need)—a rallying call for women ready to drop the masks and lead their lives fully.

If you’re craving a fresh start that actually sticks, this conversation will meet you where you are and give you grounded tools to move forward.

Say a hi to Tara-

https://tara-wiskow.com/

https://calendly.com/tarawiskow/rising-into-mypower

Meet your host-Deepali

https://www.deepalinagrani.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Feeling Stuck And The Real Problem
• 1:09 Guest Introduction: Tara Wisco
• 2:16 Rock Bottom And A Life-Saving Wake-Up
• 6:55 Beyond Diets: Identity Shift Over Image
• 12:10 Many Masks We Wear As Women
• 17:50 Grounding And Daily Energy Hygiene
• 23:10 Energetic Clutter In Everyday Life
• 28:45 Movement, Water, Meditation As Reset
• 33:20 Decluttering Space To Clear Energy
• 39:00 Self-Abandonment And Saying No
• 45:10 Breaking People Pleasing With Compassion
• 51:00 The BITCHIN Movement: Be The Change You Need
• 55:40 Simple Practice To Reclaim Inner Authority
• 1:01:20 Where To Find Tara And Free Training
• 1:04:10 Closing Reflections And Takeaway

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

So, have you ever had a moment where you thought, hmm, I've tried everything? So, why do I still feel stuck? Like new habits, new teams, new podcasts. But the same pattern keeps winding, no matter where you are, no matter what you do. And today's episode is for a woman who's exhausted from overthinking, overkiving, and overriding her own truth. Because what if you're not welcome? What if you're just blocked? And what if the work isn't more disciplined, but more clearing? If it is about more clarity. Welcome back to the Sci-Fi podcast with me, the Polly. I'm your host, a speaker, a storyteller, and I'm someone who's obsessed with the intersection of healing, identity, and becoming. Today's conversation includes energy worth and personal healing experiences, and this is not a medical advice and it's not a replacement for professional care. Please use what resonates with you and always trust your own support team. Now let's dive right into it. Today's guest is the very wonderful Tara Abisco. She is an intuitive leader and life reinvention expert, helps women clear emotional and energetic patterns, and then step into the most authentic, powerful self. She is also the founder of Bitchin, the baby. And yes, that is exactly what it stands for. Tara's story is a massive person reinvention. She's shared about losing 220 pounds and transforming not just her body but her entire complete identity. And I literally know in my heart that this is going to be one of those episodes where our audience will pause and rewind and say, Oh Joe, this is it. Let's go turn.

SPEAKER_02: 2:02

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for uh having me on as a guest on your podcast. I have been so looking forward to this and excited to have this conversation with you.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12

Like my style, thank you. Thanks so much. Now, take us back. So before the work that you do now, what was your life like when you just started out when you felt the most stuck? And and like what was the moment when you realized that look something needs to change, and I cannot live like this anymore. I cannot take this.

SPEAKER_02: 2:35

Yeah. You know, life before this was really difficult, and the reason why it was most difficult is because I believed that I had been given a life that I had to live. I had to figure out how to make the best of it. And I had this belief that I was created to be a woman that was overweight, that was unhappy, miserable, couldn't be successful. And I often would look at these other women in my life or just random women that I would see cross that I crossed paths with when I was out in public, and I'd wonder why these women were created to be these beautiful and successful and smart and confident women that looked like they had everything together. Like life looked like it was absolutely amazing, and I didn't understand why I didn't get to be one of them. And so living in that way was very much of the victim consciousness where I constantly woke up every single day believing that it was just another difficult day. It was another day of struggle, it was another day of unhappiness, it was another day where I just had to figure out how to get through point A to point Z with the least amount of work and knowing that no matter what I did, it wasn't going to be a great experience anyway. And I had a lot to be grateful for. It was had three boys, my three sons that I love so very much. They are definitely my life. And so a lot of things graduated college with a Bachelor of Science degree in elementary education. I mean, so many amazing things in my life and accomplishments, yet I never felt like anything ever was lining up to be what I desired it to be. And the moment where it changed was a point in my life where I was struggling with suicide. I had reached 338 pounds, I was deemed morbidly obese by the medical field, I was struggling with anxiety and depression, I had eating disorders, I tried everything to lose weight, and no matter what I tried, I was unable to lose the weight. And so this moment in my life was my final suicidal attempt. And my middle son walked into the room and I know that the door was locked. Still to this day, I know I locked my door. And divine intervention, without a doubt, allowed him to be able to open that door and step in. And he asked me this question: Are you gonna die, mama? And when he asked me that question, it opened my mind and my whole soul up to know I had a choice. Literally, my five-year-old son was asking me a question that I was gonna say yes or no to. And that shifted everything for me.

SPEAKER_01: 5:42

Yeah, but you were just saying that, Tara, I was thinking about it, and I just wanted to ask you, and then you just mentioned that your son at that time was just a five-year-old, and when your five-year-old comes and asks that question to you, what you just said makes total sense, and and that is incredible. Your entire story about how you were truly transforming your own life and how you started and how you felt stuck for a very large significant amount of time. And that part hits because so many women are functioning, but they're not free. And when you say that, when you share your story, I can feel the before tala versus after tala, right? Like there are two versions of you that come into my mind, and we all go through that journey, right? A person with and a person who becomes after. And when you talked about your sons, I was smiling. I know my son is such a bite of my life, and dark depressing moments. And you said the band intervention, right? The room was love, but somehow magically your son came in, and that is when everything fundamentally shifted for you. So you've talked about transformation being deeper than your nerves and just changing your body, getting into the best shape of your life. More like an identity shift, right? Now, what do you want to mean by an identity level change and not just losing weight or building muscles or looking at search and weight? How about mindset and identity here?

SPEAKER_02: 7:09

Yeah, absolutely. Through my journey, what I discovered is we look at doing all of these things externally, and most times we're doing it for the purpose of external validation. I found that every time I wanted to lose weight is because I wanted people to look at me differently. I wanted people to respond to me differently. I wanted to feel like people would be proud of me, people that I loved or people I didn't even have any knowings of. I wanted them to look at me and admire me. And I believed that if I lost weight, that would happen naturally. And so, in my journey of losing weight, I found that no matter how much I lost, I still wasn't feeling like I was getting that external validation that I was desiring. And after losing 220 pounds, my external world was literally transformed. However, internally, I was still complete chaos. I was still internally battling these limiting beliefs and battling the judgment and the shame and the guilt. I was still the 338-pound woman. However, I was in this 118-pound body that was now saying that I'd lost all this weight and believing that I had transformed my life, yet really, truly emotionally, I had not. And so stepping into the journey of being a coach and working with women, I started to find that I wasn't the only one in this space. I, for a while, as I had stated in the beginning of the our recording of this episode, of that I believed that I was created to be this way and everybody else was differently. And as I stepped into the space of coaching women and helping them lose weight, I realized I was not alone and that the vast majority of women were losing weight and they were externally shifting their body. However, internally they were still living behind these identities that were keeping them trapped in this belief that they were never going to be able to keep the weight off, that they were not lovable, that they weren't worthy. They were still living as though because they gained X amount of pounds, it made them somebody that was less than. They had failed, they had made mistakes, they hadn't done good enough. That meant in their mind, because of the identity that they lived behind, that they were somebody that wasn't worthy of success, happiness, love, joy, peace, anything in that realm, that identity was staying stuck to them. And so they lived behind that, and that was following them through every day. All of their actions, all of their choices was from this identity of I'm not worthy. And I started to do research and I started to really dig in and watch my women, and I realized that we have, as women, multiple identities that we live behind. I look at it, if you've ever been to the Shrine Circus or a circus in general, they have this activity at some of them where they spin the plates. You've got this woman or this man that have these plates on this very skinny rod, and they're trying to spin all these plates and keep them all up at the same time. I see this as us women. We have these poles with a mask on each pole, and we have however many masks, quote unquote, identities that we live behind. One that's for our husband or our partner, our significant other, our spouse, the other for our children, the other for our family, such as our mom and our dad and our siblings, such and one that's an identity or a mask that's for our coworkers, our employer. All of these are identities, such as even down to going to the gym. We will wear a different identity or mask going into a gym setting or the grocery store. So we wear these different identities dependent upon who we're with, the situation we're in, and any other factor that causes us to believe that we have to be somebody different in order to be acceptable and not rejected or abandoned. And in my research and in my work, what I found is that this causes us to be somebody different all the time. And that means we are never our authentic self. And if we never show up authentically, we're never creating goals, we're never going through life, doing what we desire. That means our bodies, we have four bodies: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. We are never in a healthy state of being because we're always living behind fake identities that are pulling us out of alignment with our truth. That begins to cause dis-ease in all four bodies, which then leads to disease overall, such as cancer, high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, mental health. And so for me, internally healing ourselves, releasing these fake identities that are outdated and don't belong to us, they once supported us but no longer do, we need to release them. And we need to allow ourselves to have one identity, and that is us. Like my identity is Tara. I am me. No matter who I'm with, no matter what I'm doing, I am me. And I have to stay grounded and stay true to that so that I can show up as myself every single day in every single situation, and that allows me to be in my healthiest space of being.

SPEAKER_01: 12:42

Some wonderful points that you made. And despite losing the weight, you fell and you found yourself repeating the same old patterns, carrying the same beneath. And I have also been like that for some parts of my life. And now sometimes when it feels like a strange contradiction, almost a dichotomy of thoughts, right? You think you're changing, some of the aspects are changing, but sometimes these patterns keep repeating. And that's exactly why the mindset shifts are crucial because they change your underlying beliefs, which in turn them offer your thoughts and genome real values, actions, emotions, and can help you build open the patterns, allowing you to pursue uh a new identity shift and find a new version of you. So, yeah, it's like you don't just do different things, you become someone who no longer tolerates or repeats the whole cycle. And that to me is the most powerful thing about your story. So, for the listeners who keep starting over, right? What is the sign that they're not lacking motivation? Because someone who's listening to a sci-fi podcast definitely, you know, fire fun enough, firmness is fun to then ruin their life and evolve and not feel stuck. So I know a lot of people don't lack motivation, but do carry a lot of drama, emotional pain, or you know, just negative energies from their past. How how do you think they can start to make those change and shift in the right direction for them? So it's not the lack of motivation that they have, it's locked energies that they carry, and we don't know how to get back to that.

SPEAKER_03: 14:25

Love that so much.

SPEAKER_02: 14:27

So often we believe that we're lacking motivation or there's something wrong with us or that we're broken. And none of that is ever true. It's it's so important that I lead with that first because we need to break that myth from within us. That was the thing that I had to break for myself is letting go of this belief that there's something wrong with me, or I'm doing something wrong because things weren't happening in my life that I desired. I was doing all the things that would have said that doing this, this, this would create that, that, that. And no matter what I was doing, nothing was shifting and changing. And so I naturally began to believe that something was wrong with me or I wasn't doing it good enough. And I would try different approaches and have the same outcome. So it's very important that I lead with that because for those listeners that are feeling like they're not motivated enough, they're not doing it good enough, nothing that they're trying works, I want to share that with you because I feel you, I understand you, and I absolutely support you and hold space for you. And I also ask that you hear me when I say you're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing wrong with you, and you absolutely are not broken. So, what I absolutely always recommend is a getting started process. Because some of you listeners, this is your very first time hearing this, or you maybe are hearing it again and in a different way than you've heard of it before. And so I like to start at the front and in the beginning always, no matter where you're at in your healing journey. I believe that when you take on something new, it's so beneficial to start at the very beginning of it because it's bringing in something new at the start, and that can give you such a beautiful healing and awakening to your soul. And so I always recommend that we begin to do what I call is a grounding experience. And you've heard grounding, probably many of you, if not all of you, have heard you know, ground yourself in. You just ask, like, what is it? You ask, and and you will receive and you'll see it actually starting to come up through the earth in your mind's eye with your eyes closed, and feel it coming into your body and going all the way to the top of your head, all the way back down out your feet, and down into the center of the core of the earth or mother earth. That grounding grounds you in and you're held by Mother Earth. And then I think it's so so vital that we begin to clear ourselves after we ground in. And the reason is we take on energy that does not belong to us. When we're in a space of other people, our auras are bumping into other people, and that naturally causes us to take on energy that is not ours. And we also give our energy away. And so when we're gonna clear out other people's energy, it gives us the ability to ask and call our energy back. However, if we've given our energy away and we've taken on other people's energy, we've now filled the space that we once had energy. We filled it up with somebody else's energy, and so to call our energy back is very difficult because we don't have an open space for it. And so once you're grounded, seeing at the top of your head, either wind, fire, or water, whatever element works for you, see it coming through the top of your head, your crown chakra, and flowing all the way through your body and out the bottom of your feet down into Mother Earth. That, and when you set the intention that that's going to clear out negative energy, you see, I see in my mind's eye, which means my eyes are closed and I'm watching this. In my mind's eye, I can see black puffs. And it's different for everybody. I see black puffs like leaving my body, and that's telling me that's negative energy that belongs to somebody else leaving my body. And once you've cleared, you then want to protect yourself, and that's just seeing this beautiful bubble of protection coming up around you, and saying, all negative energy bounces off my bubble. Only that which is my highest good is allowed inside my bubble. And I call back all the energy that is mine, and I receive it, it is mine, thank you, it is done. And that's such a beautiful and easy thing that you can do every day, multiple times a day, that's going to help you begin to clear out energy that's not yours. Call your energy back, and you'll begin to feel that you start feeling like you're standing straight and not overloaded with all this excess energy that's not yours. So you're not feeling weighed down, you're not feeling heavy, you're beginning to feel like you're lighthearted, you can laugh, you can joke, you feel like you move through the day so much lighter than you have in a very long time.

SPEAKER_01: 20:00

Charging yourself by thinking and imagining and believing in your heart while you do that. Because there's no point in doing anything if you don't believe that it's working, right? So it's almost such a therapeutic process. And when you said what you said, I was thinking to myself, hmm, I've been doing all of this for some time now. You gave the exact words to what I was thinking and what I was doing, right? So that's the most important part. And you tara, you use phrases like energetic clutter and clearing. So what does that actually look like in real life? Like on a Monday morning at 3 a.m. or say Tuesday at 3 p.m. and someone has a deep neck in their busy schedule, life takes over, and they are overthinking spiraling and in a lot of anxiety. And because that's a situation, but I'm a science. So what would you recommend?

SPEAKER_02: 20:55

Yeah, great question. I love this. So often we miss this. We have no idea what's happening. And again, we'll internalize and think something's wrong with us. And in fact, it's because we've taken on all this energy we've got. We're cluttered up with energy that is negative, that doesn't belong to us. We're being pulled out of alignment. And what this looks like is if you've ever gone to a social setting somewhere, what it doesn't matter what it is, even the grocery store. You've gone to the grocery store, and let's say that you went down aisle 11, and there were six different people in this aisle, additional one. So now we've got seven people in aisle 11 looking at these groceries in that aisle. And you're talking to them, you're moving around them, you smile at them, you make eye contact with them. All of those little things that seem so like innocent and not at all important, which they're beautiful, they're amazing. Hopefully, it was an amazing experience at the grocery store because we all have been there. It's not, but just those beautiful experiences are also opportunities of taking on other people's energy because you've connected with them. And so sometimes if you've experienced after being away from home, out around people, you come home and you feel like you've literally not slept for a week. And you say things like, This doesn't make any sense. I slept nine hours last night.

SPEAKER_00: 22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:24

It absolutely is because you've taken on energy that does not belong to you. So signs of it are that you're really tired, you feel like you're dragging a brick with you, you maybe feel irritated. You start to act and behave in a way that is out of alignment with how you usually would. So, for instance, for me, oftentimes I'll start entertaining binge eating again. This is something that I have healed myself of, I've worked through. Yet when I've taken on energy that is not mine and I start to be pulled out of alignment with myself, I begin to go back to old programming, binge eating or entertaining, purging my food or not working out. All things that are actually self-sabotaging, those start to surface. That's when I can begin to know that I've taken on energy that's not mine and I haven't done a good enough job of clearing it out. Because sometimes, as always, that energy hygiene, we get a little bit lazy with it. We get busy and we start losing that priority of it. So when I start to notice these personalities or these ways of being that are out of alignment with how I really want to show up begin to surface, I instantly know that I am being cluttered and clogged with energy, and I need to begin releasing it so I can get back to my most authentic self.

SPEAKER_01: 23:58

Thanks for sharing that love. How do you make it feel with that grocery island? You're such a wonderful storyteller when you said you go to Island, and then you come out and you bring up the same person at a feedback. So honestly, it's also about understanding and then making a sense of how you feel when you're with a certain set of people or with this one person, right? So some conversations are very inspiring, motivating, and they somehow lift you and you know brings out the best in you. Whereas on the flip side, there are some conversations that you have with people, sometimes friends, unfortunately, sometimes strangers too. You walk into the room or into the coffee shop after a nice long shower, and you were all excited to have your coffee and you know, charged up for the day and what's next to follow, and then you walk out of it feeling like okay, I'm such a dull, boring person who has so many problems, and then you suddenly become a complainer. I know that has happened with me quite a lot, and so it's so important to pick up on energy and then flir with that. Because every time I would have such an experience, like a dreaming, uh depleting experience, initially, but like I've become very intuitive with the now over the years, in the end, realized that no, it's not overthinking, it's about how I feel, and energies don't lie. So some of the things that really helped me drain and shake off negative energy, which I have the I mean, you are the best person in this department to advocate for these uh for our listeners, but some of the things that really, really help me there is like loading my body, moving my hands and arms, and you know, stretching a little bit, just being out in nature, getting some fresh air, having a lot of water, maybe taking a shower. I think maybe it's psychological, but it really helps me come closer to who I am and just help me shake off that negative energy and just to stop giving an amount of energy or attention, right? To that energy because the more attention you put to it, the more big it becomes, the more it expands.

SPEAKER_02: 26:05

Those are absolutely solid things that you uh shared there. And the moving of the body, that somatic movement is so important, and I think it's also important that we tie in our mind to it, that mind-body connection. So if we're saying, like, I'm gonna move my body, and the intention of moving my body is to actually shake out and release and let go of the energy, and we're doing that simultaneously together. We've set that intention. Now our body knows what it's trying to do versus just moving our body without giving it the understanding of why we're doing it. I think so often we miss that. I know I did. I miss the reality that I can move my body, I can do that, that dance or that just the shaking it or jumping up and down. But if I don't set the intention of why I'm doing it as well, then I'm not having as powerful of an experience. And water, as you mentioned, keeping your body hydrated with water, that is so, so important for releasing out and healing energy. I also truly believe in meditation. This is, I never thought there'd be a day in my life that I would I would be an advocate for meditation because I felt all my life that meditation was impossible for me. And it is something now that has become a daily ritual. I love it. I've learned so much about myself. And I think it's important for those of you that maybe struggle with meditation, like I did in the beginning, that you choose guided meditations and that if you fall asleep, it is okay because your subconscious mind is connecting with it. That's truly who the meditation in that meditation, who's being spoken to anyway, is your unconscious mind. So if you fall asleep, it's truly okay.

SPEAKER_01: 27:56

And to your earlier point, right, about movement and energy clearing. I know you you work as the intuitive energy healers one. In many cultures, especially from red eye to bakinung, salt is even considered like a powerful cleaning, energy cleaning agent for healing and purification and protection. I mean, you know, this is like a very different tradition, and different cultures have diverse traditions which we all uh respect, but this has actually really worked for me. Uh, you know, using salt as a good energy from the land clean. So I'm not like the advocate for it and I'm not suggesting that the audience does them. But this is something that has been a common practice with me throwing up all these years, and I feel that it can. So, whatever works for you to balance your energy fields and clear the spaces, everything. And I wanna say another one is like a very big one, at least uh in my family is the part of me cluttering, like um the team like mask feels. Yeah. If you realize the cluttering house is also actually adding to the cluttering, I mean a big rough semi. So this year I'm a biggest team, like you know, this many best of de cluttering my house. Like literally with a big point because I'm obsessive about it. But my teacher gives a bit of clarity and sending confusion and negativity from this is something that I can definitely definitely speak for. Uh tell us about your experience uh and just these few small little options that one can take about, say, decluttering as a powerful way to energy team.

SPEAKER_02: 29:42

Decluttering is hugely powerful. And in fact, I have online programs where women are part of. One is a weight loss, and the other is all about identity shifting and stepping into your authenticity. And the very first week that is the assignment is decluttering. And the reason is because when we live in a cluttered house where we have all this excess, where we aren't able to find the things that we want, or we feel that we're overloaded with things and we don't have openness, it actually causes our soul, our inner being to feel like we have to shut in on ourselves. And so that will also cause us to take on additional energy and be in this low frequency, this low state of being. And when we're in that low state of being, that causes our aura, that's our energetic field that is around our body to actually be very porous and constricted. And when it is in that state, when you're around other people, and even in this, Depali, as we're doing a virtual, we are sharing energy. And right, when our aura is not strong, we're taking on energy easily that is not our energy. And so to your point, when we're decluttering and cleaning out our house and keeping it of a cleaner state and not overloaded with a lot of things that we don't use that serve no purpose, that are maybe out of date to who we are now, that really impacts our energy as a whole in our body because it drags us into a low frequency. So low frequency is like the emotions of sadness, of frustration, of irritation. So imagine in like your kitchen, I think about my counter. We don't have a lot of counter space in our kitchen. And when it has a lot of things on it, naturally I'm irritated because I don't have some uh space to put something down. I am struggling to find what I need. So now I'm being pulled into this low frequency state of irritation, frustration, madness, anger. And so naturally that then brings in and flows into other areas of my life, which opens us up to receive energy that's not ours so much easier than if we are actually decluttering as you're talking about. So I love that you bring that up because it's really, really important, not just in our house, but in your vehicle. Yeah, everywhere. Like your clothes that you wear, the foods that you're eating, the things that you're drinking, even decluttering that out. Like if you're open and honest with yourself and ask, like, do I eat this food because I enjoy it? So for instance, this is a great example of this. My husband is someone that could eat anything, and I swear he will never gain a pound. I can look at it and I could gain the pounds that he didn't gain. Yeah, big one, yeah. Right. And so he naturally will eat these sweets and these things like that. And I find myself getting caught up in eating it with him because I want to have something in common with him. And that then causes me to start being pulled out of alignment with how I really want to be feeding my body, fueling my body. And that is a sense of being cluttered with actions and behaviors that are not in alignment with your truth. And so when I start to experience those things and it gets to be out of hand, I have to declutter myself from that emotional attachment of wanting to have something in common and have that conversation with him and say, I'm fine with you eating this. Just please understand that I'm not interested in eating it as well. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:36

Yeah. And thanks for thanks for saying that, Taran. It's interesting that you brought up that point. Because when we were just on it and you mentioned the frustrated because you know you're running late and you can't find this and that simply because you don't have the liberty of space. I know how it feels. And I've been thinking a lot, and I was also wondering why you know we were just chatting about this, about things that you can do to sort of raise the energy of your home, right? So plants, a lot of plants bring um energy into a home, maybe keeping your home clean, moving items to dust and clean, keeps the energy flowing and removes stagnant energy. Boom, uh crystals. I know crystals work for some people. I haven't tried them, so I can't speak to them. I've heard I have a good friend who also believes a lot in crystals. So anything that works for you, fresh flowers, anything that goes to nature, opening up your um windows, your balcony, getting some fresh air coming. As you said earlier, meditation, yoga, maybe playing some music, you know, whatever genre you prefer, playing instruments, that really brings you joy and gives you clarity and happiness in that moment. Some people also do believe in the power of burning cell sticks. Life gets busy and you don't have time to religiously practice or follow this on a day-to-day basis. But you know, whenever I'm feeling stuck or I feel like I've lived in my head too much, and we all know how that feels like I'm like, no, there is a time to make some change and just do one thing from this entire big long list. And I also just move things around. And when my husband would be like, okay, but that's happening. This was not in the plan. I said, no, no, I just need to, you know, get some clutter out of the house and out of my being. So I feel like a lot can be done to, you know, just elevate your energy, your own energy, your own aura, and then of course the energy of the space that you live in, and also not to forget your car. Agree, absolutely. Now, changing gears a little bit here. Let's talk about self-abandonment. And this one is huge. How do you think self-abandonment shows up in women, especially high functioning? So has your experience been like navigating while you walk and help a lot of women elevate their energies? How has this been a block of most women that you went with?

SPEAKER_03: 35:55

Great question.

SPEAKER_02: 35:56

Self-abandonment as women is something that happens naturally because as little girls, we're not taught to choose ourselves. We are taught to show up in a way that keeps others happy in our life. And so we naturally begin to self-abandon ourselves because we're taught to shrink, to stay small, to blend in, to not stand out. And there is research that I've done that shows that as little girls, we feel that. Like 70% of girls in ages of eight years old into being 18 young adults feel that they're taught by society to blend in and not stand out. And so naturally, as little girls, we're brought into this way of being. And so, in my experience of working with women, they're abandoning themselves because they're wanting and desiring something for themselves. They're wanting to feel more confident, they're wanting to feel sexier, they're wanting to choose themselves, they're wanting to show up, even to purchase a program for themselves that's going to better themselves so that they show up in a better way within their family or in their life. And they will abandon themselves as soon as somebody in their family says, I don't think that's worth the time and the money. And you don't have time for that. Because if you spend time on that, well, then you're not going to be able to be the carpooler for the children. You won't be able to make my lunch, you won't keep the houses clean. And so naturally, other people that become uncomfortable because we're looking at showing up for ourselves in a way that's going to take a little bit of time away from how we show up for everybody else, they're going to list their reasons of why they don't like it. And we will abandon ourselves in order to keep them happy because we fear being abandoned. And so, because we fear being abandoned, we naturally begin to self-abandon ourselves, meaning we stay keeping ourselves plain small in life. We don't go after our dreams, we don't choose to show up for ourselves in ways that feel right. We cross ourselves off our list of priorities as soon as we get busy or inundated with a list of things for other people, or somebody in our life shows discomfort or unhappiness with us choosing ourselves, we will choose not to show up and do something in a way that makes us feel really, really good. So, some great examples of this is if you get a gym membership and going in the morning causes somebody in your family or in your life to be uncomfortable, you'll stop going to the gym. If you decide that you're going to eat healthier because you want to eat healthier and the rest of your family isn't happy with this decision, you will decide to stop eating healthy so that you keep them happy. So there those are two primary examples that I find. I also find it across the board in different ways in other programs that I have as well. When a woman starts to heal herself and she gets more confident and she feels happier, and other people in her life aren't feeling confident or aren't feeling as happy as her, they'll make comments like that. And so she will naturally try to make herself unhappy or feel guilty about being happy, and she'll downplay her happiness or her confidence in order to keep other people comfortable in her life.

SPEAKER_00: 39:29

Well, I'm glad that you said it.

SPEAKER_01: 39:31

And over the years, I realized that people's pleasing is such such a deep conditioning into every fibre of our being. And it's also I feel like largely a burned behavior. It becomes maybe through some sort of a conditioning in your trying to as a survival or a coping mechanism to to gain love, to maybe sometimes gain respect or conflict or feel approachable, feel safe, anything like that. And these are deeply ingrained habits. Sometimes reinforced by cultural expectations, how you grew up or how you just adapted to this society. Later on, it snowballs into very, very big problems. And as you said, sometimes into illness because it becomes so and so toxic. So it's important that we self-reflect and draw some boundaries because boundaries cannot just be stated in words, they have to be lived in action. So I'm glad that you brought up this point. And it's it's important for my I feel like the emphasis is not enough, even though we are talking a lot about drawing boundaries and putting end to people peasing. Sometimes it's not an option, but every time you get an opportunity, I feel like it really must be shown in action, right? I mean, even if it kind of upsets some people in your family or some of your friends, it's fine. But making sure that you're saying a yes to yourself, then you're saying yes to anybody. It could be anyone, your friends, your family, your kids, is very, very big, at least for me. And yeah, because it can, yeah, it's it's new too, because it can look like being nice and being helpful and being productive all this while carrying this emotional burden of weight of uh I don't want to upset my girl girlfriends, you know, for going up with a bunch because every time they're asking, I'm saying no. All of those thoughts, but always making sure to check in with how you feel. Um if you're really gonna do something, if it brings you, if it holds some joy for you, only then be must do it. I mean, I know it can be difficult, it always is easier said than done, but you you gotta do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_03: 41:38

Very true.

SPEAKER_02: 41:39

And you know, what I find is that at first, any time that we start to do things different that are out of alignment with how we usually have done things, it's out of character of our typical way of being. People that we know that are used to us showing up a certain way or doing things a certain way, they're they're naturally going to pitch a fit. It's it if we think about children, when you tell a child or a baby, let's say a baby, if if you introduce them into a pacifier and you then take the pacifier away at a certain age, they're going to be unhappy. They're not happy about it because they want what they usually had. When they cry, you give them a pacifier. And now you've taken it away. They start to cry, they get angry, they're not happy. That's no different with growing adults in our life. Their inner child becomes unhappy. And so they will pitch a fit and they go back to the typical way of being as a child. And the reason we do this, we all do this, I do this even. None of us can get away from this, is the reason why we do this is because we've learned that if we cry loud enough, if we get mad enough, if we make enough of a stink, we will get what we want. And so people in our life, when they're not happy with our choices, they're going to pitch a fit in hope that it will shut us down and get us to go back to being who we were. And what's so important with this is that we have to choose to face the music, face the fire, put up with the uncomfortable situation as it in order to break them of the belief that the louder they get, the more frustrating they get that they're going to win. If we can stay rooted in letting them know that we're not changing, we're not giving up on ourselves, we're not going back to doing what we did because we love ourselves too much to continue to sell ourselves short.

SPEAKER_03: 43:50

The more that we stay rooted in that, the more our family, people we love, they learn to respect us because we're teaching them this.

SPEAKER_02: 44:03

I love the saying that's out there that says we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. That's so powerful.

SPEAKER_01: 44:14

Exactly that. Yeah. And when you were saying this, I'm just reminded of another quote. I can't remember who the wise person is who wrote this, but it said the only people who get upset about you setting some boundaries are the ones who actually benefited from you having none. It made total sense, right? Yeah. Like, I mean, this one doesn't really apply to your your kids or you know, to people who actually really love you because they can be mad for some time, but but but you know they don't mean bad and they don't have bad intentions. But for the freedom outside, like the society that we live in, you know, our places of work, anything that we're coming into, it is so important to set some boundaries and just take a charge of your own people-pleasing behavior. I realized it many, many years ago, and since then I've been working really hard on it. So, Tara, for someone who realizes, oh wow, I do actually people please, much to my own dislike. I override myself, I fawn, I fleeze. So, what's the first compassionate step that you would recommend, or like a series of steps that you recommend people doing?

SPEAKER_02: 45:23

I think when it comes to people pleasing, because it is such a difficult way of being that we get so caught up in it without even realizing it because of the society as it is. A compassionate first step that is easiest for to begin doing for ourselves is something that is really simple, doesn't take a lot of time, doesn't disrupt our schedule, and can sometimes just be something that we do on our own without anybody having to be aware of it. So, examples of that would be even just journaling for five minutes a day and journaling about what you dream of. Like I call it soul-aligned journaling. What is it that you want your life to look like? What are you desiring? What are you calling in? That's something that doesn't take a lot of time. It doesn't cost anything, and it shouldn't disrupt anybody else's life. And not that I care if it disrupts other people's lives, as you probably all have already understood. I'm pretty, I stand pretty empowered in disrupting other people's lives, but but when it comes to us being people pleasers, we need those things that we can do under the radar, so to say, so that it doesn't upset people and we can become confident in the exercise of doing it. Another would be reading some self-help books or just any book that you enjoy, if you're a reader, listening to a podcast such as this one, where you're receiving insight, inspiration, education, motivation, empowered state of being, things that you can begin to do that build you up, that make you feel good. If I go a step deeper, maybe it's going and looking at your clothes and asking yourself if you want to go shopping and if you want to purchase a new outfit that is the new you attire that you feel confident or sexy in. And I also think it's finding ways to say no. That as a people pleaser is one of the most difficult sentences to say. And no is a full sentence. And so, how do you choose yourself? This is the one that I love to use the muscle test with, and you can stand flat on your feet. So let's say somebody reaches out and asks you to do something and they're notoriously asking you to do it. It's something they fully can do. They just don't like to do it, nor do they ask you if you like to do it. So they don't have any clue that you hate doing it, but you do it.

SPEAKER_00: 48:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 48:00

So just stand flat on your feet and ask yourself, is this something that I want to do? And if you lean forward, that's a yes. If you lean backwards, that's a no. That's your soul speaking to you. And if you choose to say yes to doing that, even though your soul is saying no, that is pulling you out of alignment with your truth. And that actually is causing you discomfort, unhappiness. It is causing you to have more heaviness being built into your life than if you were to say, I'm not able to do that this time, and say no to it. That's going to help you so much. So those are just some, I think, quick and easy ways that we could begin compassionately disconnecting ourselves from people pleasing.

SPEAKER_01: 48:52

Yeah, no, those are definitely like small, actionable steps. And um, Ty, when you mentioned saying no, I know it comes with that guilt, like that lingering feeling of guilt. Like, like no, we don't have it thankfully. But every time initially I would say when I actually, you know, I didn't want to come into something, you know, just do any random thing that I really didn't want to do, I would like have this feeling of guilt. And then in my own mind, I would like over-explain myself. Okay, you know what? I did this so and so because I was being more mindful with the time with my time. You know, I want to go to the gym instead of going to the pub with them. That is really a great thing, and it becomes better and better as you go over. And perfection is not what we're trying to chase here, only chasing progress. So even if you're saying no, but you still have that guilt feeling, it's it's still one step in the proper direction. So do not feel discouraged by it. And it is never too late to live a free life. One that's finally on your own terms. For me, I was thinking pleasing trap didn't happen because I still that other people would change. I went the bad jour that I met many times after that. And instead, I decided to find ways to change my own responses to people. And you know, just realizing how unhelpful my pleasing behaviors were to express myself and those around me. So it's a great amount of disservice that you can do to A, your own self, and B to the people around you, right? So small things, right, like becoming self-aware and realizing that doing too much hurts relationships and people rather than helps, right? It's it's a very small statement, but a very big and a meaningful one. Because when you start doing too much for people, start doing too much to a relationship, friendship, or any other commitment, in that same proportion, you also start expecting a lot, right? And sometimes it isn't reciprocated. And when that happens, you end up breaking your little heart, and you know, you don't want to be in that in that part. And I have been there way too many times to now realize, okay, not doing that, right? Learning to let go is also a very, very big that almost have some reason why we're not able to say no, right? Because they're like, okay, you don't call me, or you know, if this is a missed opportunity, what if they think that I'm not willing to do this and that, and yada yada yada, all the reasoning, all the conditioning that our brain has fed. And realizing that avoiding problems isn't going to promote both. Like sometimes I kind of initially I would do these tough conversations or like confronting people and something, and then I would be like, okay, maybe that's the button. It it chases you and haunts one thing with the one thing, which is to turn around and face it. And that is when you start to grow. No, I got so tired about small little things and how can be small stop people pleasing because I know I had uh an entire episode done on this one, Tara, about you know, living authentically and saying no to people pleasing. This is something that is really, really close to my heart. So thanks so much for sharing all of that. And for our listening audience, it's the first step isn't punishment, it's the permission. It's permission to come back home to your own self. Right. Now, moving again from this topic to bitch-in, right? Be the change you need. So, Tara, tell us about what is the heart of that moment.

SPEAKER_03: 52:19

Resonates so deeply with this cause. Thank you so much. Yes. Bitchin' is totally my passion.

SPEAKER_02: 52:29

Be the change you need is about being the woman that no longer shows up out of alignment with who she wants to be. She's the woman that stops wearing the masks that she doesn't want to wear. She begins to say what she wants to say and feel what she wants to feel and no longer allows people to put on the pressure upon her to be somebody that makes them feel better. Women are so, so hungry for this movement because they have been trying to come home to themselves for so long. They've been working to give themselves permission to be happy, to be themselves. They've been searching in empty spaces for so many years of their life, trying to figure out who they're supposed to be, what their purpose is, why they feel like something's missing in their life, and why they just continue to feel like they don't belong, or they'll never be enough, or they'll never make it in life. And this movement of Be the Change You Need of Bitchin is totally saying that we're choosing to rise up and become the woman that we desire to be, the woman we need to become in order to have the life that we desire to have. And in doing that, it's not excluding people from our life that we love. It's including them, but it's showing them how to be empowered. It's showing them how to take a stand for what matters to you. It's showing our children that it is absolutely okay to say no and that it is okay for you to make the decision to disrupt situations that aren't healthy so that you can begin creating healthy circumstances and situations that are so much better for the collective. And that to me is why bitchin is something that is making such a gigantic movement throughout the space of where I'm at within the lives of women, is because women are starting to realize that they don't have to stay small. They don't have to continue living this life that they believe is all they get and that they're going to die with misery and regrets because they wish they would have done so much more with their life. Women are realizing that they can choose to become the empowered force in their life that rises up and builds the life that they want. They don't have to have permission from anyone in their life. They don't have to wait for somebody to be the strong person in their life. They can be that woman that leads themselves through the journey of having the life they want.

SPEAKER_01: 55:01

Well, I allow it. It's so bold, and it's not like hean softly and stay smaller. It's hean and take your life back, and then not asking for permissions. We don't need to. What we need to do is take all the power back and start living your life fully. So it's so clear, and and you can't like half-chose yourself, right? Like you either do it or you delay your own life. There's no like midway, easy tiptoeing around here. So you guide women through energetic clearing and intuitive embodiment. So, what's a simple practice, besides, of course, a ton of things that we already discussed earlier? What's a simple practice listeners can try this week to just reconnect with their own inner authority and you know something that helps them the way that they are and feel enabled and empowered.

SPEAKER_02: 55:55

One of the things that I love to do every single day is again, I talked about the grounding. That is such an important thing for me because it keeps me centered and grounded in my own authentic self, and that helps me make sure that my mind is clear and that the thoughts that I'm thinking and the feelings that I'm feeling are mine. That's a big, big part of my energy hygiene that I do on a daily basis that I shared there. The other is coming in and calming your central nervous system so that that way you can really think subjectively about what's going on in your mind and your soul. And that is simply done by placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly. And just doing that calms your central nervous system right there to bring you into a more calmed state. And what I find is important to do next is to drop in. This is called family services. I just forgot the very, very beginning of it. It'll come to me. But this is not my work. This is work that's done by other thought leader out there that is just fantastic at what he does. And it's called parts systems. And when you are calming your central nervous system and you go in and you ask, what's this emotion that I'm feeling? And you feel it and you allow whatever comes into your mind. And so we're all intuitive. We all have an intuition. And so you'll notice the thought or the emotion that surfaces, and then ask yourself, where do I feel this in my body? And then notice where it's swelling in your body. It might burn and you might feel pressure. And when I say burn, it's nothing that is painful. It's just this little like vibration or a little like pressure welling in your body. So now you know the emotion that you're feeling, you know where you feel it in your body, and this is important so that you can know this when it surfaces again. Oh, that's that emotion that's coming up. And then you ask it, what do you need me to know? And just listen. And then what do you need me to do so you can feel safe? And when you allow yourself to begin to listen and do that work, it allows you to start to know who is within you. That's your inner child that you're speaking to. And that naturally connects you in with your internal self and naturally allows you to begin to build that relationship with your inner child. And that in itself can allow you to heal early childhood experiences. And that's so, so vital because that inner child dictates a lot of things that happen in our life.

SPEAKER_01: 58:38

Yeah. Thanks. Thank you so much for that practical. I love the putting one hand on the chest and one on your belly. Without realizing it, I would like sometimes keep what I said in one of the movies growing up like this. A little child would keep uh one of his hands on his chest and he'll be like, okay, all is well, all is well. So itnovates, reassuring to your mind and to your heart that hey, indeed, all is well. Uh, and we can safely navigate from here. So thanks so much for sharing. And uh, for everyone listening to this, just try one thing from this episode today. You don't need to practice every single thing that we talked about. We I know we talked about Tao so much. The topic is like weapons were so vast, and and you shared like an entire list of everything big and small that a business can do. Maybe just try one thing and notice what changes and come back to see if you can pick another one. So, thank you so much for your time today. I didn't realize where the entire art go by, and uh I love chatting with you. So thank you so much. Taya, tell us about Rebecca and our listeners uh find you, work with you, and learn more about you.

SPEAKER_02: 59:44

Absolutely. Thank you so much again for asking me to be a guest on your podcast. It's been an absolute delight to get to visit with you. And yes, these 60 minutes have flown by very quickly. Yeah, for sure. So the best place to find me, and I'll make sure that. You have this for the show notes, too, is on my website. That's going to really give you a great overview of who I am and the work that I do. And it'll bring you into all of my social media platforms where I'm present at. And my website is www.tera and then dashwisco.com. So the dash like in a telephone number. And on my website, you'll see that I, as an intuitive healer, I have a soul medicine session. That's one of my primary ways of healing women, where I use integrated energy therapy, neurolinguistic programming, and energy clearing. I use those three modalities where I clear out the negative emotions out of the body. I clear out negative energy. I also help release limiting beliefs that are blocking us from being able to rise up into our highest and best versions of self. And then I integrate in the positive energy, the positive emotions to make sure that I'm filling up our body with the positive so that I'm not leaving it open in order for more negative to come in and take up what I call residency or stagnancy in our body. So my soul medicine session is one of the most powerful healing experiences that my women love to experience for themselves. Really opens us up, heals us, helps us to begin to step into our authenticity and lead ourselves through life in an empowered state rather than disempowered. I also do a lot of different multitude of things of intuitive coaching, intuitive energy clearing, healing. And I'm also still a weight loss coach.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:37

So there's a lot of different ways to experience working with me, and my website lays it out beautifully.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:46

Yes, I 100% agree.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:48

And I was just going through your website this morning, and I love the color scheme. I love how you put up like the light yellow, almost like beige with the combination of white and blue, and it's it's amazing how beautifully it stands out. Yeah, thank you. Thanks so much, Tara. And all the uh links to Tara's social and website down below in this show notes so you know people can come find you, work with you, learn more about you. And uh yeah, Tara, you you have a free training on becoming your most confident self. So if today hit home, I would advise our listeners to go grab it. I know it's on your listed on your website.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:25

Yes, absolutely. It is it's a four-part video training called Become Your Most Confident Self. And it's four energy shifts that help you attract the life that you want. So, in these four different videos that I take you through, again, it's it's my free offering that I have for you. You discover how to shift your energy. What it does is it helps you to break free from low frequency emotions. And one of those very strong ones that we experience as women is self-doubt. And it allows you to be able to start stepping into your confidence where you become more the more empowered version of yourself. And so each video is built upon the next one. So it's very important that you go through all four of them so that you have the full experience of releasing out the different energies and having that shift that you can do on your own with my guidance. There's meditations in there, there's visualizations. It's a very, very powerful experience that will actually truly allow you to feel a shift occur just from watching these four different videos.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:33

I'm gonna watch them just after we're done in a few minutes from now. And I'm manifesting confidence because I just sent the request for the video training. So thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm so excited, can't wait for our listeners and readers to just come on your website, find this free training. It's a wonderful resource that I see here. So, Tara, once again, thank you for your time today. Thank you so much for your honesty, your boldness, and just just the purple way that you remind us women that you're not here to fit into an old version of yourself, but you, my dear, I'm here to rise and expand and become into a whole happy, fulfilling self again. And uh, for our listening audience, thank you so much for listening in today. Please be gentle with yourself, but still keep telling the truth. And I will see you in the next episode now. Until then, take care and bye bye.