Just In Time to Save a Life

Ep. 1 - From Darkness to Hope

• Jessica Greenwalt • Episode 1

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What if the thoughts in your head aren't telling you the truth? What if freedom from suicidal thinking is actually possible? Jessica G's powerful journey from thirteen years of suicidal ideation to complete freedom will challenge everything you thought you knew about mental health recovery.

After losing both her father and brother to suicide within a single month, Jessica found herself spiraling into a darkness she had battled since age 13. Despite trying medications, therapy, and even inpatient treatment, nothing seemed to break the cycle of suicidal ideation—until friends introduced her to the concept of neuroplasticity and brain rewiring.

This raw, vulnerable conversation with guest Jennifer Joy explores how our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our choices, creating a loop that can either destroy or heal us. Jessica shares the specific techniques that helped her consciously create new thought patterns, even when her body was still in "survival mode." She explains how it took about 90 days of consistent practice before her brain began to rewire itself, ultimately freeing her from suicidal ideation completely.

What makes this episode particularly powerful is Jessica's honesty about the invisible nature of mental health struggles. As Jen points out, when they first met at a piano bar, Jessica appeared vibrant and charismatic—no one would have guessed she was carrying such profound pain. This reality underscores why kindness matters; you never know who might be holding on by a thread.

The conversation culminates in Jessica's vision for Just In Time to Save a Life, a nonprofit dedicated to making neuroplasticity-based suicide prevention accessible to everyone. If you're struggling right now or know someone who is, this episode offers more than just hope—it provides a roadmap for lasting transformation. Remember: your brain can change, so can your story.

If you are in an crisis or feel unsafe, call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help.

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Website: justintimepodcast.com
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Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Jessica G and this is the Just In Time podcast. If you're struggling today, I want you to know this podcast is here for you, but it's not a substitute for professional help. If you're in a crisis or feeling unsafe, please call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help. On this show, I'll be sharing personal experiences, mindset shifts, talking with key experts and sharing real tools that help me go from barely surviving to thriving.

Speaker 1:

This is not about quick fixes or one-size-fits-all advice. It's raw, it's honest, it's what worked for me and what I believe can help others too. Let's walk together from darkness to hope. All right, welcome everybody. My name is It'll be just in time to save a life, going to be sharing my personal story, and I want you guys to know that it is taking me many years to get to this point in order to be in a position to share this story. So if I tear up or cry or take too many pauses, I apologize ahead of time. And today I have with me Ms Jen Joy. She's been a huge support in my life. She's also a board member on the nonprofit, she has four beautiful girls and she runs a huge corporation. She is a CEO of CCRS. Jen has worked with how many employees?

Speaker 2:

do you have, Jen? We have 800 actively on projects now, but we have up to 8,000 that are all benefiting from your program and what you started.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, jen. She's been just a big support for Just In Time and she really understands the mission and I have seen her work with her employees and I know mental health is really important to you and the programs and the structures that you've built within your company and that you've shared with me and others is life changing. So I'm just happy to have you here, so happy to be here. Yes, and for all the listeners, you guys, this is the first podcast, exciting, yes, it's very exciting. Um, so let's just dive into it. Um, let's, let's just, let's just get into it. Um, so, uh, this podcast is called from darkness to hope, and that is the name of the program that the non-profit, just in time to save a life, um, wants to create. So so I'm going to get into a little bit of why I started Just In Time and what we've done so far, where we're going and what our big goal is. I opened this nonprofit because I found my own way out of darkness From the age of 13,.

Speaker 1:

I struggled with suicidal thoughts, suicide ideation, and that really didn't stop until I was about 24. And I remember making a conscious decision okay, if I'm not going to do this, then I'm going to try to make my life the best that I could See. About eight years ago I lost my dad death by suicide. A month later, I lost my brother. His name was Justin Hence Justin time to save a life. And all of that came back. Life and all of that came back and I was struggling. I could not overcome my feelings and the pain that that caused For suicide survivors. You know what I'm talking about. It creates a ripple-like effect and I'm even like shaking right now talking about it because it's such a heavy topic and even though I've overcome suicide ideation which I'm about to get into the how the grief will always be there, like that. That's something that you know. I don't and at least in my healing journey, that hasn't, you know, gone away right. It'll just hit you out of nowhere when you're sharing your message, and I think that's why it took me so long to get to this point. But I have a message inside of me that I know that I'm supposed to share with the world, because that person that was struggling, or the person out there that's struggling like that, was me, and I wish that somebody would have told me sooner what I know now, and I owe Karsten and Diego, two of my spiritual friends um, a huge, huge, heartfelt thanks, because they are the ones that introduced me to Dr Joe Dispenza's work and he talks a lot about harnessing neuroplasticity to fight suicide.

Speaker 1:

And, um, I had gone through, um, you know, the healthcare system and I got a medications and I went to counseling and I even checked myself into places and I just was struggling. I was in so much pain and I knew what my dad, my brother, did wasn't right. I know suicide is is not the way it's. It's it is preventable. Um, and I knew it wasn't the way, but I was in so much pain and I could not, like kind of overcome it at the time.

Speaker 1:

And it's because I was hardwired, I was in survival mode and it wasn't until my friends was like Jess, you need to rewire your brain. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Like now, of course, I want to make this clear If you are in a crisis or you're struggling, please don't tell somebody to rewire their brain. Like, if they're in an active crisis, right, like that's probably not going to work. When they're in a calm state or after they've gotten to a place of safety, then that's the time that you can, you know, really talk about this. And that's the other thing too. That's really scary, jen. It's like to talk about mental health, because we don't want to say the wrong thing. Right, you know right.

Speaker 1:

I mean it's it's a scary topic to talk about. You don't want to cause more harm and that's also why I waited to talk about it. It's like you know, we may have really good intentions to share our message or to share our story because we think we're helping somebody, but it wasn't until I got educated with AFSP and I became a presenter for them, and next week we're actually going to have Jacqueline Sharp on our episode. She's the area director for AFSP. We're so excited. She really helped me get to a place where I could actually speak about it with confidence, like here's the do's and don'ts, and we're going to get into that in the second episode, which I think will also help a lot of people too that know others that are struggling.

Speaker 2:

But to stay on topic, where was I Talking about how you wanted to make sure that you were saying all the right things? And I know all the work that you make sure that you were saying all the right things and I know all the work that you put into that and all the training, yes and yes, from TED Talks to, like you mentioned, meeting AFCP and doing everything that you need to do and in order to be able to get to this point, get to this point, speak about this because you're so passionate about it, yeah, and you're so passionate about it, yeah, and you care so deeply. And one of the things that touches me is to hear of your journey and how long and hard you've fought, not just to keep your chin up, not just to put one foot in front of the other, not just to wake up every day and continue to search, but you didn't give up and you've done the hard work. You took the journey, and the hard work meaning putting it there to where now they can take it and run with it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely Cause. Yeah, it's hard from there.

Speaker 2:

Right, oh yeah, but we are able to you're, you're able to take what you learned and make it available to everyone yeah, because I wish, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, because I was like I wish, um, that somebody told me sooner that I needed to rewire my brain, right, um, and that's exactly it, um, so, so, anyways, I was like you know, um, talking to my friends are like you need to rewire your brain.

Speaker 1:

Dr Joe Dispenza, he has all these workshops um, and I was losing hope and I didn't know what it meant to lose hope. And to anyone that's struggling out there or know somebody that's struggling, if you start to lose hope, you know you're in a bad place, because before I didn't know what that meant. I'm like you can hope for this, you can hope for that, but I was losing hope, like I could not find a way out after trying all these different things, and I'm not I'm not saying like it wasn't a good idea to get on medication, it wasn't a good idea to go, because I think that you know, um, all of the modalities helped me get to this point, and I think those modalities, like taking medication and going to seeing a doctor and getting all the help, helped me get to the point in which I got to today. However, on that journey, I wish somebody would have came and said to me you need to rewire your brain, and this is how you can do it.

Speaker 1:

And there is no program out there that I know of that harnesses neuroplasticity to fight suicide specifically, and that is the main goal of Just In Time to Save a Life, and so I am looking for key experts to help me along the way and help that journey. I just know that I have a mission in my heart and this is what I'm supposed to do, even though I'm scared to do it. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and, um, and so that's where we're at. So, so, okay, I need to continue on with the story. Um, so, anyways, um, so that's where I was told I need to rewire my brain. Okay, I. So I was losing hope, needed to rewire my brain, and I'm like my friends believed in this, like so passionately, and I knew they're the kind of people they're very intelligent, successful, beautiful human beings that care about you, know your soul and other people, and so I was like, well, if, what they're saying, if they really believe in it, I'm shoot, I'm going to give it a chance, because I was literally losing hope. So the dispenser program gave me hope and I said, okay, I'm going to give it. This is my last shot.

Speaker 1:

Really, I was like the angel of death was with me for like six months. I was not in a good place. I was contemplating every single day, I was trying to just make it through, like my body was in pain. I was in pain, I was in what Dispenza would call survival mode. And what happens is you're in this loop, right Cause how we think is how we feel, and when we're feeling a certain way, that creates choices. Those choices create experiences, those experiences create emotions. And then it's this whole loop and you can't. It's, it's really really, really hard to get out of it. You can't think greater than how you feel because you're, you're lost, you know. And when my friend explained it to me and he was like you need to reprogram your brain, you're like hardwired for depression. You're like hardwired for um, a disaster. Your, your future doesn't look good right now.

Speaker 1:

If you're gonna keep, if you keep thinking this way, it wasn't, yes, I was victimized from losing my dad and brother by suicide, but I don't. I'm not the type of person like I want to stay a victim to something. Right, like, yes, I was a victimized of it, but like I'm like that's not me, that's not my personality, right, I'm like let's overcome this, let's go, let's get past this. So it's like when people are saying, oh, that's so selfish or this is that, it's like, no, you just don't understand how much pain these people are in and you think that the world will be better without you. But it's not true, because you're believing lies. Those are lies, they're lies, they're lies.

Speaker 1:

So what I had to do is I had to consciously create my day, and I had blankets on the windows. I mean my little dog Romeo. Thank God for him, because the only reason why I even went outside was to take him potty. I mean, it was a very dark place for many months, and I know that there's other people out there that are in that position and they need to hear this, and that is why I'm here today. I know that there's other people out there that are in that position and they need to hear this, and that is why I'm here today. That's why we're here today to spread this awareness.

Speaker 1:

And so I remember I would not let my feet hit the ground until I told myself I was going to have a good day, like I remember my feet actually touching the ground. And I'll, because you're fighting your mind. You're fighting your mind. You have because you have to rewire it, and in order to reprogram and rewire, you have to keep repeating it over and over and over again. Right, like absolutely some people are like they've mastered suffering they are amazing at that, right, and it's like oh my gosh, I don't want to master this pain, I want to master this suffering. And so, you know, taking account and really looking at your thoughts, what am I thinking? And like even jotting down, like five thoughts that you're thinking on a daily basis that are not healthy for you, and then putting the positive meaning to it, right, yeah, like like realizing okay, I'm thinking this, you know, and I should be thinking this.

Speaker 2:

There's lots of modalities for that too. I mean, one of the things that really helped me you mentioned every morning getting out of bed, every night going to sleep I would say I would write down what I needed to think about all night long. Yeah, put it down. And then, before I would go to bed, I would just take a deep breath and I would tap my fingers against the pillow and I would do it five times and I would just keep doing it until I would fall asleep, because my biggest struggle was overnights and waking up and having thoughts and yeah, so that's one of the things that I needed. So what you're talking about reprogramming and teaching yourself to think.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and that's such a great thing to to bring up like that's a coping mechanism, right. So it's like in in the interim, right, like coping mechanisms are amazing and they're great and they help us get to who we are now, right. But it was like for me, um and I'm so glad you brought that up for me, like when I was like so set in such a dark place, there was all these coping mechanisms, right, and coping mechanisms are great, don't get me wrong. They're amazing, right, and they helped you in that moment and they helped me in those moments too. But I was so close to the edge, jen, that I was like, oh my gosh, like I don't want to live a life I'm just constantly coping with. I'm on this medication, I'm on that medication, like I'm in pain, I'm just coping. You don't want a band-aid, you want to. Yeah, I needed in order for me to pay off, in order for me to stay on this on this planet. I was like I need something like that's gonna feed my soul, I need something that's like I'm not just coping with life anymore, I'm thriving, like to say, like I am just over the moon to say this and to be able to truly say this.

Speaker 1:

I do not struggle with suicide ideation any longer. I never thought that that would happen. See, thinking about the every day is so hard. It's so, so hard. And I kept it in for years because I don't want to look like the crazy one because of the stigma. And I think the same thing for my brother and we're going to we'll get into that in other episodes too. And my dad, you know, he was 56 year old, white man. I mean, if you look up the statistics on that, it's just because men are supposed to be tough and not talk about their feelings. The programming again. The programming exactly. So reprogramming your brain is so important.

Speaker 1:

So for anyone out there that if you're struggling, I challenge you to look at your thoughts. How you think is how you feel. And if you're feeling suicidal, it's because we're thinking a certain way. And if you can how do I say this? If you can master your thoughts or master your mind, even just five thoughts, that's huge. That's going to start because, like when I told myself, okay, I'm going to have a great day, fake it till you make it.

Speaker 1:

I was like I do not feel like I'm having a great day. I just lost my dad death by suicide. I just lost my brother death by suicide. Like how am I supposed to smile, smile and say I'm going to have a great day? How is that possible? How is that possible? I felt guilty for smiling. Actually, right, I was like I shouldn't be smiling right now, you know. But I had to overcome that and so, even if I didn't believe it, pick it till you make it right, like I'm going to have a great day.

Speaker 1:

I'm having a great day, and that's that's where I had to start and and it took me, and this is why I say this is not a quick fix Like this is something that you have to repeat and keep putting work in. This isn't a medication, this isn't, you know, along with medication, maybe, or along with whatever you know, your healthcare provider, whatever it says, because for every person, I believe you have to find what works for each individual, because we're we're all so unique. But for me, it took about 90 days, I would say 90 days, and I did Dr Joe dispenses intensive and progressive workshop, and then I flew to Germany, I did his advanced workshop and I'm going to tell you it costs thousands of dollars to fly to Germany, do that advanced workshop and all that, and at the end of it at the end of it we did this mind movie and um it was. It was just an amazing experience for me and hopefully, maybe one day I can get Dr Joe Dispenza on the show. How amazing would that be. That would be amazing. That would be so amazing. I did do an interview for him.

Speaker 1:

Actually. I wanted the advanced workshops and it's really hard for me to watch, actually, because my body was still in survival mode. So your body will still stay in survival mode for a while until it catches up with the mind. It's interesting how that works and we'll get more into that, but today I just wanted to, you know, touch on how we think is how we feel. So, anyways, I was like, oh my gosh, the first thing that I wanted to do Jen, you're gonna love this, because I know your heart I wanted to go back to the mental institution that I was in and tell all the girls in there that had suicide attempts, wanted to tell them hey, you guys, you just need to reprogram your brain.

Speaker 1:

It really works. I swear to you like there's a way out. You don't have to like live a life you're constantly coping with, like there's hope for you, there's hope for us. Yeah, you know what I mean. That was the first thing that I wanted to do is to tell all those girls what I mean. That was the first thing that I wanted to do is to tell all those girls, because I met a 65 year old lady, um, that attempted suicide and oh, like, just it breaks my heart thinking about that. And I remember when the family, you know, there's like visitation day and they come to see you and how devastated her children were.

Speaker 1:

You know, know, and I know that I'm not the only one that's struggling. You know, and I know that, um, you know, if you, if you look at Robin Williams, he had all the money and all the resources in the world and still you know what I mean and still and still. But for people that don't have resources and don't have the money to go to the program or let alone, maybe Robin Williams needed to hear this. I don't know, I don't know, we don't know, we don't know. But what I do know is that from the age of 13, I struggled with suicide ideation and I no longer do that anymore, and it's because I rewired and reprogram my brain and I don't take medications today, you know so, and you're going to be talking about everything that you learned on this podcast yeah, so that people don't have to fly to Germany.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that and that, yes, absolutely and that, and then eventually like, create, like, and this is why I want to, you know, get to spend. I mean, my dream was to get to spend there, get key experts or psychiatrists and people, because neuroscience is out there, it is, it's out there, it's growing, it's out there, but there's nothing that's free and accessible to everyone, and so that is that's. That's been the true mission. From the beginning, I was like there should be this, because I sent thousands of dollars and I know that those, some of those- um girls and women that I met.

Speaker 1:

They barely had money to put gas in their tank, like, let alone, you know, buy a ticket to go to advanced workshop or do an intensive or progressive workshop online even you, you know. And so I wanted something designed specifically for those that were struggling with that. And you know, I'm going to dream big here and maybe that can be in mental health care providers' offices, like throughout the world, like maybe that's something that can happen one day Absolutely. But all I know is I'm not an expert in this. I'm just here to share, like, what worked for me and I care so much about people that are struggling because suicide is preventable, so that's a lot right.

Speaker 2:

You're doing amazing. So you. When I first met you, I remember it was at a piano bar.

Speaker 1:

That's right. Oh my gosh, you know what? That was probably a year after I had lost my dad and brother. Actually, yeah, that was probably 2018.

Speaker 2:

And this is, I think, one of the things that is that I've heard you say is really important to you too. It's identifying and understanding that you don't always know, you don't always see someone and see that they have the pain, that they are struggling, right, that they are struggling. And when I saw you, that first time dynamic, you were that girl. You ruled the room, you walked in with just you had this, you had this presence about you and it was steel and it was sparkle.

Speaker 2:

At the same time, it was power and it was love and it was happiness and joy and you made such an impression on me, going through a difficult time in my life at the time, just in that brief encounter in the bathroom, in the bathroom at the piano bar?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, yeah when you were so incredibly charismatic, dynamic, and you made everybody in the room feel like they were 10 feet tall. Just talk to them. And you and you made everybody in the room feel like they were 10 feet tall. Just talk to them, and you, just you made everybody feel 10 feet tall. And so to know now that you were carrying those scars and you were going through what you were going through yeah, and I had no idea at the time. And both are authentic, both are real, both are beautiful, both are authentic, both are real, both are beautiful. And and to know, though, that that woman that I saw that day was going through the things you're talking about right now, um, it's, uh, you know it's it. It it shattered me. It's been in a good way, in a good way, in a good way, to where I was able to, to see my world in a way that I needed to see it. Um, because you get focused on a lot of times, people do with your own pain or whatever you're going through.

Speaker 1:

And I think that that day, in the bathroom, I think we mirrored each other. Yes, you know, we were like a mirror and absolutely it was so crazy how we met, re met again, yes, randomly, and I was like I remember you from the bathroom and I was like, oh my gosh, so um. But yeah, I mean that just goes to show. It's like Robin Williams, right, he was so funny. Who would have thought, yeah, you know, my brother, justin, oh my gosh, love to make people laugh. You know, he, just he was that kid, that just like, like if he saw an old lady, you know, exiting, he would just run up and open the door for her real quick and like, help her, put her groceries in the car. Like that was Justin, like he was such a bright light.

Speaker 1:

And you know, suicide amongst college students it's the second leading cause of death in the United States. And, um, I really, really, really want to speak to college students and I have um more, you know, just because that's dear to my heart. But you know his fraternity, sigma Pi. His pledge was suicide prevention. So that's why I think suicide education and prevention is so important and giving people the tools and the resources in order to do that and that's also why, like you know, being kind, like you said, you don't, you never know what somebody's going through.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, you just don't know, you don't know so and your smile or your words, um, could make a huge difference. It could be part of the shift that you're talking about, you know. I mean, even though there might not be a curriculum that's readily available. Yeah, I don't think people realize that their words and their actions can actually start that rewiring process. They might not even realize when we're going about the world, we identify with and hold on to things that are comfortable to us. Yeah, so if someone has said to us, um, uh, something that's really hurt our hearts or made us feel bad, especially especially in like a, a very, um, a very, uh, I guess, delicate moment, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

When you're vulnerable or where you're already down, that could be the final straw for somebody. You know what I'm saying, because because you know, sometimes we're fragile yes, Sometimes we're fragile.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and to understand that. You know people are looking for those identifiers and if you give them something different, that that makes them stop, it makes them take pause. Yeah, and that could be something that they hold on to. We change the wording and emails that we send out through the company just to build people up and our slogan is you are excellence. Yes, and there's a reason for that.

Speaker 1:

You're speaking it into their life.

Speaker 2:

That's it, right, that's it, and you have to speak it into their life. You have to speak it into their life.

Speaker 1:

And that's why I love you so much. You've done that for me, you know You've done that for me too, even on my down days. You know, everybody needs a gin joy in their life. That's what I always say, and it's just gin too. I love it, I love it. Well, I think this concludes our session. Yeah, I think so. I think we did amazing.

Speaker 2:

All right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay. If you're struggling, remember how you think is how you feel. If you're feeling still heavy, start by shifting the thought. You're not stuck. Your brain can change, so can your story. I'm Jessica G. This is the Just In Time podcast and I'll see you next time. Until then, keep going, never give up and remember the world is better with you in it, whether you believe it or not. To help reach others, please share this with your friends, family, and don't forget to like, subscribe and donate.