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Just In Time to Save a Life
Just In Time is a deeply personal and powerful podcast hosted by Jessica G, founder of the nonprofit Just in Time to Save a Life. In each episode, Jessica and her guests explore mental health, suicide prevention, and the healing power of neuroplasticity through lived experience and compassionate conversation. This show is rooted in Jessica’s own journey through profound grief and survival, offering insight, encouragement, and real tools for those struggling in silence. Just In Time is more than a podcast — it’s a mission to make mental health education and transformative healing accessible to everyone. Join us as we share stories that speak life into the darkest places and offer hope to those who need it most.
Just In Time to Save a Life
Ep. 8 - Who You Love Shapes Your Mental Health
Dating choices don’t just shape romance, they shape your nervous system, your sleep, and the story you tell yourself about who you are. We sit down with licensed therapist and social worker Jenna Myers to map the real links between relationships and mental health, from the lift of secure attachment to the toll of criticism, conflict, and constant anxiety. If you’ve ever wondered why the first months feel magical and then turn messy, this conversation offers a practical lens and a calmer pace.
We dig into green flags that actually matter, emotional regulation, vulnerability that feels safe, and partners who protect your individuality rather than consume it. Jenna breaks down love bombing, the neurochemistry behind that early rush, and a simple 90–120 day window that reveals character under stress. You’ll learn how to separate wants from needs, set boundaries rooted in values, and say them out loud so respect isn’t left to chance. For teens and parents, we unpack why young brains magnify heartbreak and how listening, validation, and quick connection to trusted adults can prevent isolation and risky choices.
The episode also looks at system health: how nightly fights rob sleep, how worry kills appetite, and how fatigue erodes resilience. We share ways to create closure when you won’t get it from someone else, keep therapy as prevention rather than a last resort, and notice the moment your gut says something’s off. Expect clear tools, steady encouragement, and the reminder that hopelessness is a state, not a sentence.
If you’re ready to choose better, heal cleaner, and feel more like yourself, press play, take notes, and share this with someone who needs a healthier map for love. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us the boundary you’re setting next.
If you are in a crisis or feel unsafe, call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help.
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Hi, I'm Jessica G, and this is the Justin Time Podcast. If you're struggling today, I want you to know this podcast is here for you, but it's not a substitute for professional health. If you're in a crisis or feel unsafe, please call or text 988 or dial in 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help. On this show, I'll be sharing personal experiences, mindset shifts, talking with key experts, and sharing real tools that help me go from barely surviving to thriving. This is not about quick fixes or one size fits all advice. It's raw, it's honest, it's what worked for me and what I believe can help others too. Let's walk together from darkness to hope. We all know that we uh get really excited when we get into relationships and sometimes they can go a little south and can leave us feeling betrayed, depressed, um left with anxiety. And so I have Jenna Myers here today. She's a licensed therapist and social worker to talk about how to choose wisely, I guess you would say, and also how to repair from relationships. Um sometimes we also notice that we have patterns in life as well where we continually choose the wrong person. And so we're gonna dive into that a little bit, but really want to talk about how relationships impact our mental health because I think one of the number one things uh that is important in life is the person that we choose to be with. Um so, Jenna Myers, thank you so much for being here today. Yes, thank you for inviting me. Also, she works at Pinnacle Counseling in Rogers. Um, we're just so excited to have you on the show. Um, so let's dive into it. Um, how can a person choose how can the person we choose to be with directly impact our mental health?
SPEAKER_01:I think this is like a huge one. And this is something like I think that everybody needs to evaluate when they are starting to look for a romantic partner or somebody that they are going to be spending time with because this person is going to be their supports or their, if you will, their downfall. Like we want to look for healthy responses to things. And so, you know, when we look at healthy relationships, they promote um healthy stability, healthy emotional stability. We are looking for safety, we're looking for belonging, we're looking to help maintain our own identity, right, in our relationships. And so, you know, when those relationships are unhealthy, we are seeing maybe potentially a lot of conflict, a lot of criticism. Those are things that are going to really exacerbate anxiety and depressive symptoms, which we know are not fun. Like we don't want to go down that path. Yeah. And so being able to, if you will, identify and assess how those relationships are making you feel and whether you need to pump the brakes or if we can keep investing in them.
SPEAKER_00:And I think as I hear you speak, I think a lot of, you know, everything that we talk about here on the Justin Time podcast and with in, you know, the mental health community is all about education. And so when I hear you say, like, really investigate and look at, you know, the red flags and the green flags and things like that, it's it's like we need to educate ourselves on what a healthy relationship actually looks like sometimes. Um, because even for people like me, maybe growing up, didn't have the best example of what a healthy relationship looked like. And so sometimes we just don't even know. And I think sometimes that's why we find ourselves continuously picking and choosing the wrong people. Um I would say that uh for I was like well, I mean, you're you're exactly right though.
SPEAKER_01:When it comes to the things that we see, like when we're in childhood or we're seeing those examples as we're growing up, we do have a tendency to navigate towards those because if you will, those are what's familiar. We see that those are things like, okay, this is like kind of the things that I've witnessed. And so we have a tendency to migrate towards those, maybe even sometimes because we know how to navigate the conflict.
SPEAKER_00:We watched somebody navigate that and we watched how And then we allow that into our lives and we end up thinking that that's normal, but in reality, we're in a toxic, you know, relationship and then there's just this whole pattern.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you're just creating a generational cycle again. And so we have to focus on like what is breaking that. And I think that the number one thing to like help break that is awareness. And like you said, education. Um, we may not always know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it doesn't mean we can't learn about it. Yeah, and that's why you're here today.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's what we're gonna get into. You know, I think that um I think a lot of people are gonna be really excited to listen to this podcast because it's like, what are the signs that we need to look for? So what are some of the um, let's start with green flags. What are some of the green flags uh getting into a relationship? Because sometimes you get into a relationship and everything seems so amazing, right? Yeah. Then all of a sudden things start going south and you're like, who is this person? What the heck, right? Yeah. So how would you classify like green flags or what are some things that we could look for?
SPEAKER_01:So I think like there are green flags in relationships that we want to look for things that like help us to maintain like our own individuality, like our own independence, but also, you know, when we get into a relationship, that's supposed to add value to our lives, right? Like it's not supposed to consume us, but it's supposed to add, if you will, like the sprinkles to our cupcake life, right? You know, like the things that are going on. Like this is supposed to be some of the good stuff. And so if you find a partner like with some green flags, we're looking at like, do they have emotional stability? Do they have emotional regulation? Are they vulnerable? Because like you need somebody who's going to be able to share not only the good and the bad, but like the ugly with you, but be able to do that in a way that is appropriate and healthy and not in a you know abusive manner, right? We need to be able to have some of those conversations, especially with the person that we are going to be spending so much time with.
SPEAKER_00:Being able to have the capacity to be emotionally available and then having the capacity to have difficult conversations, even. You bet. You bet. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Um, what are some early red flags or patterns that often lead to emotional burnout, anxiety, and depression in relationships?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think the, you know, red flags are these are things that we have to really pay attention to because one, red flags sometimes are very easy to ignore. We will things are so amazing in the beginning. Yes, right. And we're like, oh, that's just that's a fluke. That's just that just that's only happened three times. And then like in four months, now it's happened, you know, you can't even count it on all your fingers and toes, right? And so you have to be able to identify what red flags are ones that maybe interfere with your values, right? Because what might be a red flag to you might not be a red flag to me. And that is okay. But if there's something that's like inner, like really like getting um in between your values and causing like different um issues within yourself, we have to really listen to our guts. And sometimes that's hard because I think that we start to listen to our guts and we go, oh, am I just getting nervous? Am I getting, you know, anxious? But it sometimes our guts are telling us they're gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Sometimes like something just doesn't seem right or it seems off, but we just keep going anyways. Because um, I think, you know, the other day we were talking about this. There's, you know, mo most of people that are in therapy always have some type of issue or relationship problem and or a lack of. And I think some people that are just very desperate to be in a relationship may put up with a lot more. And in reality, that can really destroy their mental health.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you bet. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's why, you know, when when you do, are you or maybe like you're embracing that single life, right? The parts of that to embrace are also the parts of like identifying what are your values, right? Like if you're looking at your, if you will, we have this like generic or maybe not so generic, but like boyfriend or girlfriend application, right? Like what are the wants and what are the needs? And you have to be able to figure out like, what are you willing to tolerate, what's worth your mental health, and what's not. But again, that can be very individualized, but we also have to see what is going to be, like I said, exacerbating anxiety and depression. We, yeah, we shouldn't tolerate those.
SPEAKER_00:And I think sometimes I think people are getting better at faking out who they really are too. Um, I have a friend and she was dating this guy and it was about, I don't know, two or three months. He's the most amazing guy. And then month four or five, things started slowly changing. And I think it's called like love balming, is one of the words. Yeah. And it's like a narcissistic tool, I think, that people use to like kind of catch you. Or yeah, well, how would you explain that?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think that, you know, when we look at like true narcissism, you know, and the definition of it, yeah. There one, narcissism is used a lot anymore. And, you know, I think one, it's used a lot because individuals are more and more educating themselves, right? But we're also using Google a lot. And so sometimes I think we do label it in incorrect ways, but you're exactly right, like love bombing, really trying to pull someone in because what's happening is that they are getting you invested and they're getting you invested early, they're getting you connected early, and because then it's so much harder to step away from that, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's so um explain love bombing to the audience. Like it's usually like grandiose behaviors. What are some of the other things?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it is pulling you in very quickly and you know, saying, like, I I love you, like I can't live without you. And this is very early on. This could be, you know, week two, week three, when really like, is it love? Is it lust? Is it you we just had a really good dinner tonight? And you know, our, you know, our oxytocin and dopamine is just firing on all cylinders, and yeah, we the, you know, it's how do we express these things?
SPEAKER_00:Um, and so that's also part of Do you think that's how sometimes we get addicted to unhealthy relationships because we like end up falling for that person in the beginning and then if they're really not who we think that they are? And I think there I was reading the other day too. There's like a there's like a certain amount of time that it takes you to really get to know somebody. And usually that mask will fall or you'll get that, you know, gut feeling like you were saying, like, hey, something's really not right. Um, at what point in a relationship, if you're dating somebody steadily, do you think that that would, you know, constitute for?
SPEAKER_01:So I this is not necessarily like I I don't know, this might be like research out there, but I've always kind of like had the 90 to like 120 like day rule, three to four months, because like typically someone these are this is long enough for you to have maybe gone to dinner with them, gone to a movie. You've been able to, I'm you might even have like a little weekend getaway and so identify the abuse cycle. Yes, you're able to see them under maybe stressful situations within those like four months. And so you're gonna really start to see how they react to these situations, which is again gonna start showing true colors. Yeah. Typically, someone, especially someone who is like maybe not in a very good mental state, they can still hold it together for about 90 to 120 days. Like they they can. And so that's why I always say, like, go slow, go into these things with like investigative type patterns, because you want to see how they are at a restaurant. You want to see how they are with maybe their family or how do they treat their siblings, how do they treat their dog, right? Like if you are noticing that, oh my gosh, like that's a really big red flag, more than likely, that's not the only situation you're going to see that in. Right. So being able to really get some of those uh yeah things answered for yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Not falling for the charm and the love balming and the gifts and all the fancy trips and all the things that somebody can promise you or whatever it is, or by you. It's really looking at the character, how they treat the staff, how they treat, you know, other people around you. Um, and sometimes they're really good at that too. And so, like, I think it's wise. So basically taking your time, getting to know somebody, don't falling, don't fall in too quickly. Um I myself, you know, have done that many times.
SPEAKER_01:It's and it's addictive, right? Like that the that's exactly kind of what we've been talking about, is that, and that's what when we see with, you know, our young adults and our teenagers, these are a lot of times these are first feelings. They maybe it's their first relationship. Right. And so they love the feeling of some extra oxytocin, right? That's the love hormone. It feels great. And so they keep seeking it and they're gonna go back to that person that provided it to them, even if it's toxic, right?
SPEAKER_00:Um, speaking of that, for someone who's experienced repeated heartbreak or toxic dynamics, what steps can they take to avoid repeating these same mistakes? Well, if we talk with a therapist.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. If we go back to kind of like what I said, you know, kind of earlier in the podcast, yeah, it's having awareness. Yeah. It's realizing and owning pretty upfront that like this is maybe this is something that's not going great. I don't know if I like how my relationships or even friendships are, maybe you're noticing that there's some tension or some something that you're uncomfortable with. Yeah. I will always say, like, really bringing into some awareness, bringing in some mindfulness, but seek a professional. Yes. I know that you know can be very scary. And I tell individuals all the time, especially ones that come see me, if you don't like your therapist, you're not gonna go, you're not gonna want to go back. Like just like a hairstylist or a gym, if you're not comfortable in the right fit for you.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yeah. I think that's so important because like even for me, even when things are going smooth, I still keep my weekly or um or twice a month um therapy appointments because I just want to like stay on track, or maybe she catches something that I'm not quite aware of, right? When you talk about awareness. And I'm like, she's like, so I've noticed you've been doing this and this and this. And she'll ask a couple of questions. And I'm like, oh, well, well, you've known me for three years now, so yeah, I guess I do have that issue, you know? And then I'm able to, she's able to offer some tools in order for me to work on it, you know, even with my within my own relationships.
SPEAKER_01:Um, well, and that's again just to normalize a little bit for anybody listening to the podcast. Even your best therapist have therapists. Right. And so just again, pointing out that like mental health care should be uh we should really be investing in it. It's great prevention.
SPEAKER_00:And it's and it's true prevention. Yeah. And uh and at one point, um, I don't want to get too dark here. I want to stay a little bit on topic. There is one thing I wanted to talk about the high school students um after I say this though. Um, so just remind me if I can if I um get sidetracked. Um from a personal experience, um, because I really want to talk about dive into how deep that choosing a partner can actually be. Um, my dad was actually going through a divorce when he died by suicide. And do I think he chose a great life partner? No, nobody did. And everybody knew it was a toxic, you know, relationship and it wasn't going to last from the beginning, right? We all kind of saw it and we all warned him, but you know, now not blaming her or anything like that, but it didn't help, right? Right. Choosing that person like did not help him. It made him worse. Um and I was in a relationship years ago, and I remember, uh, and maybe you can like kind of chime in on this, um, but I remember that this person would start a fight with me right before I would go to sleep almost every single night. What I didn't realize that that was a pattern, and that I was sleep deprived, literally sleep deprived. This person was like lying to my face and doing things behind my back and then starting a fight with me right before sleep. And so, and I'm like trying to go to school and I'm trying to do this and I'm trying to do that, and then you have this relationship in your head, and you're you love this person and your emotions all are all spinned out. And then I also have a lack of sleep on top of that. And that cre can create the perfect storm for somebody. Oh, you bet. You bet. Yeah. And I think that is one of the things that happened with my dad, and um is that he was struggling with some um physical things. He was getting older, he was a welder. Um, he had already kind of struggled with his mental health, but then was going through the divorce, and that got really, really ugly. And I don't, I think it was the perfect storm, you know? And that's ultimately what, you know, ended up ending his life. Um, and I think that a lot of times, like we as people, we as humans, like whether we're in strong relationships or not, like we need to take accountability for how we are treating people, um, our spouses included. Like, even if we think we have a great relationship, like really taking in accountability, like the words that we say can really impact another person. Oh, you and like staying connected to your heart. But that's where you know narcissism and things like that come into play because true narcissists don't have the ability, I guess, to have true empathy. Yeah. Or things like that.
SPEAKER_01:But a lot of times they don't recognize their that their behavior is the cause of either the ending of the relationships or the reason why they have such um horrible, you know, romantic relationships, right? A lot of times, you know, we see the narcissist, they have really, really good friendship groups, right? Yeah. But it's because those individuals are getting smaller doses of that charming person. And so the relationships where there's like lots of love and romance and emotional should be emotional vulnerable vulnerability, it's tough.
SPEAKER_00:It is very tough. Yeah. And and I and I want to make sure that like all the listeners understand that I'm not blaming anybody for, you know, we we're all responsible for our own mental health, but we also have to be responsible for other people's mental health and the way in which we treat other people because your impact on other people can either be positive or it can be negative. And there's just some people out there that really aren't good for you. And that's why we wanted to really dive deep today into the relationships and like the person that you pick is the most important person, like sorry, the person that you pick is the most important decision that one of the most important decisions that you will make in your life. It can either make or break you in the end. Because, like you said in the beginning, this is your support person. Do I believe if my father had a very supportive wife and a supportive person or even just like a in a healthy relationship that he would be here today? He might be. We don't know. We don't know. And I'm not putting that on her, right? But what I'm saying is like it didn't help. Right. And so anybody that's going through a divorce or going through a tough time, if you're listening to this, like tap into your heart and tap into the things that are most important. And stop fighting over petty things, you know, really look at the person. Like we are humans on this earth, we're all going through our journey and we just need to spread more love and kindness. And yes, it's hard when you get into relationships, especially if you get into a toxic one. So um just being very, very careful about, you know, who you choose. And if you know that you don't come from a family that, you know, modeled healthy relationships, get with a therapist and say, Hey, I want to do this right. How do I do this? And bring your person into counseling, you know? Yeah. Um, well, and to piggyback off that just a little bit, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, I think it's great that you, you know, have you identified like that the mental health aspect was not there, but like we also like the supports weren't maybe like there either. And so, but that's part of like my licensure, like as a social worker, is that we look at the whole system. And so one of the things that you mentioned was that that toxic ex-boyfriend that you had that would pick a fight with you before you would go to sleep. Yeah, then there was causing this sleep deprivation. So now all of a sudden, not only are we getting your mental health, you know, dysregulated, your physical health is now becoming dysregulated because sleep deprivation, maybe you're not getting good nutrition, maybe you are, you know, not getting in certain exercise things because you're so fatigued. And so I wouldn't have pillars.
SPEAKER_00:I I would be so upset that I actually wouldn't eat. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, you know, when you get upset, it's like hard to go eat a meal.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So it it all starts to, you know, if we look at like the pillars of everything, financial health, mental health, physical health, all of those have to be functioning at higher levels in order for us to be successful. And so we're not just watching mental health when it comes to relationships, we're watching what's the whole system doing. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And sometimes it just happens and you don't even realize that it's happening. And then you kind of wake up one day and you're just like, oh my gosh, like what is going on? And for me, actually, I started seeing a therapist, and it was the therapist that actually pointed this out to me. Um, and then also, too, um, I'm happily married now. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm at the love of my life. I want to do this the right way. We're going to counseling. Let's make sure we're doing like premarital counseling, you know? And so we went through all the steps. Cause I was like, I really want to make sure that I'm also not bringing any of my toxic traits from the past or any of my generational trauma unknowingly into the relationship because it's like we're never going to fully arrive. We're going to constantly continue to be working through ourselves and things that happen to us and, you know, patterns that we have, and just, I don't know, reactions that we have to things that just may not, may not be the right reaction, right? And but like caring enough and loving yourself and loving the other person enough to work through it, like that's a great dynamic. That's something that can survive, and that's something that's healthy instead of toxic, unhealthy, can't sleep, can't eat kind of dill. Right. Um, one of the other things that I wanted to tap into is like when you're in high school and you're like, you have your first boyfriend, and you're like, oh my God, I'm so in love. Um, and then all of a sudden you're not. And it seems like the end of the world to these students. Um, maybe they're 13, 14, or 15. And I know at that age your brain is not fully developed. And I know that a lot of suicidal tendencies start happening actually from that point. Um what are what is something that we can say to either parents or students um think, you know, 13, 14, or 15 that have just gone through a breakup that think it's the end of the world, like what would you tell them?
SPEAKER_01:I think that one, I don't know if there's a whole lot that I would tell them as much as I would listen, right? Like let them know, hey, I'm here, I can tell like you're hurting. You're wanting to validate their feelings because they are heartbroken, they are sad. And so, like, let's let them sit with that. One, us being able to like own our emotions and be able to work through some of that. Yeah, that's resiliency, right? Like you are building skills that are going to serve you for life. And so, one, I would just, you know, always hesitate to have a parent who's wanting to rush their child through this process and fix it because they they need to sit with it for a little bit. Let them know that it's okay to be sad. I mean, it's not okay to like get in our room and isolate and do all these things that might be unhealthy. Right. But how do we really start working through like some of this, like, if you will, the stages of grief?
SPEAKER_00:Okay. So teaching them a skill set and the proper way to kind of manage that and work through that normally versus choosing, oh, I want to kill myself, right? Because that's a lot of, you know, I remember hearing that a lot is oh, you know, whatever Jenny broke up with me, so I want to, I'm gonna kill myself now. Cause it's like at that age, their brains aren't fully developed. And so kids make really stupid, you know, snap decisions. Yeah. Um so I wonder if there's like a program or some type of education that um, you know, could get into the schools and talk about that. Cause that's like such a common thing.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and yeah, I think that like this is something that would be very important, whether it's even in like part of their science, right? Because this is based in the brain. Like these are things that, you know, the biology of our bodies. And so I would also throw this out there to parents is that it might be, it might have been a long time since you've had some science classes, right? Yeah. And so go back through that and learn a little bit about the brain and just touch up on it because, you know, your teenager, you're exactly right. Like they're not fully developed. All of this is really trying to come into its own. And so what happens though is that all of this is a little dysregulated. We have a lot of like pieces that are, they're just not mature yet. Yeah, where whether it's the amygdala and it's trying to, that's that little almond-shaped piece in your brain that alerts you for like, you know, oh, danger, danger, right? And yeah, you know, then we have the prefrontal cortex. But when these things are not fully developed, what happens is that the decision-making process kind of goes out the window.
SPEAKER_00:They're all dysregulated. So they need support and skill sets, and we need to help them work through that. Exactly. That's why isolating you said earlier is not a good thing. Yeah. Because they can't work through it themselves. They need that support system. They need somebody to teach them the skill set in order to do that. Right. And when that doesn't happen, I think that's when other bad choices and you know, suicide ideation and thoughts of suicide can come into play. You bet. You bet.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and they're also looking for relief. And so what happens is that they start looking towards, like you said, substances or something like that when they are in that isolation. And we know that, you know, well, I say we know, like I'm in this therapy realm, so I know this, but yeah, we don't want to add, you know, a chemical change on top of like a behavior like depression or something like that. And because we're we're working on a big no-no here, right? Yeah. And so being able to walk through this with your teenager, but part of it is that having the competency about it when you understand as like a parent, my child's brain's not fully developed yet, and they're gonna have some really intense emotions. This yeah, this is gonna be tough. That gives you maybe a little bit more grace too, of knowing that like I've got to have some patience with this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I think at every age, right, that's so important. Yeah. It's like from years one, two, three, four, their brains are just completely different. And you can't expect them to, you know, not cross the street. Yeah. Look both ways. They're like, they don't they can't think at that you know, capability yet. Um yeah, that's really good stuff. Um, let's see here. What's a healthy way to process uh a breakup without falling into guilt, shame, or self-blame?
SPEAKER_01:Well, so I think that one, again, acknowledging the loss of a relationship. Like we have to own that. We have to be able to say, this is this relationship has come to an end. And I think that one thing is that this can be really difficult because we're always looking for closure. As humans, like we want close, we want the end of the chapter. We do. And that can be detrimental. Yeah, we sometimes don't get it. That's true. I will always say, go talk with a professional, go talk with your therapist because it may be something that you have to go and figure out a closure or a way to find closure for you on your own.
SPEAKER_00:That's that is so true. And I mean, that's actually something so hard to do. Very difficult. It can be, especially if it's with um relationship like within your family, right? Whether it's with your mom or your dad or a sibling or something like that, that's kind of gone south, that can be really, really hard and super deep-seated as well. You bet. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Even though those things are difficult and they can be, they can take some time, it is not impossible. And so, you know, working on it consistency, those are the things that are gonna get you through that.
SPEAKER_00:And that's true prevention when it comes to mental health. You bet. Yeah. Let's see here. What are some boundaries people can set early on to protect their peace and their mental health?
SPEAKER_01:So I think part of setting boundaries is really identifying your values, right? So, like if we know our values and we know like where we want to align things that, you know, whether it's rules or, you know, religious things, whatever that is, we need to be able to know what those are. And then that's where we're gonna start really being able to set boundaries around them, but also being able to verbalize those values and boundaries to our partner. Our partners are not gonna be mind readers, you know. So like if you have a nine, especially men. Like if you have a 9 p.m. purview as a as a you know young adult and you're not telling your significant other or your the person you're dating this, and they bring you home at 9:30 and you get in trouble and you get grounded, that's on you. You have to be able to verbalize to them, like, hey, these are my parents' expectations. And if they are disrespectful to that, that might be a red flag. Right. That might be something that you have to investigate further. Hey, they're not really acknowledging that my parents have this rule for me or I have this value because I have to get up and go to practice in the morning.
SPEAKER_00:So a lot of this too really starts younger when the kids are dating when they're still within the household. So I don't think I don't even think dating was allowed. I think dad's like, you're not dating until you're 30. And it's like, okay.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, yeah, that's that's it's such a different, you know, dynamic when I think of it that way. I'm like, oh yeah, I think I missed out on that part.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and I there's again, that's reflecting on values, right? There are going to be some families that they're okay with their 13-year-olds dating, right? And so what that means though may not be the same thing as 20, you know, 30, 40 year olds dating. It's going to be they're walking each other to their locker. They are texting each other, right? But they're boyfriend and girlfriend. And so I think that being able to, again, assess where your family values are because that's where those boundaries are going to come in and that's where you will start building consistency.
SPEAKER_00:The more I sit here and listen to you, I'm just thinking about how important parenting is and the role that that plays and the mental health of children and children are the future. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's um kind of a full circle moment for me here. It's amazing. Yeah. Um, I I think that it goes underrated and I don't think enough people um value therapy. You know, I think there's still a stigma attached to that. I think it's normalized in bigger cities and whatnot, but I think more in the south, maybe not so much. Yeah. Um, there's still that tough guy thing. I don't need counseling. Yeah. I'm tough.
SPEAKER_01:I I definitely hear that occasionally it is it is very funny um when someone really enters into that with an open mind and they're like, this is not what I thought it was gonna be. Yeah. I'm like, great, like I'm I hope it's better.
SPEAKER_00:You know, and I mean to be honest with you, I'm still working on emotional regulation. Oh, of course. It's a I think it's nonstop. Yeah, it's like an ongoing thing, but to learn that at a young age, I think, you know, can really set young people up for success in relationships. You bet. Yeah. Yeah. Uh let's see here. We've got a few last questions. Let's see. What are signs that a friend or loved one might be in danger after a breakup? And what should we actually do or say?
SPEAKER_01:So again, it's identifying, like, I think that we have to really identify like what is danger, you know, okay. Being able to assess for those suicidal ideations, right? Like, you know, when we are teenagers, it can look a little bit different than it can as adults. Like they may be giving away their Xbox, they may be saying different things to friends that they don't want to be here anymore. But being able to hear it, acknowledge it, not run from it, but know that like you don't have to be the person that fixes it. You just need to be the person that helps them to get to a professional or get help, right? Right.
SPEAKER_00:And so being able to listen to them, tell another adult to tell a teacher. Yeah. Or directly ask them, are you struggling with suicide?
SPEAKER_01:And it and it might be that they you take their hand and you go, let's walk to the counselor's office together. Like, let's walk to coach blank blank and talk to coach and get us some help, you know. Right. Like going to that adult, you walking with them and being their support because that is worth its weight in gold. Right. It really is.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And well, there's just so much shame associated with it. So if you do have somebody that reaches out to you, you know, you can be that person to really get them help because you may be the only person that they reach out to. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:And I think that on occasion, like there are our close friends who reach out and tell us things and we hear it, and it can be scary for us at first, but also they something about them telling you, you need to also take that as a compliment. They trust you, they see that you are a safe person to share this information with. And let's do right by them. Let's get them that help.
SPEAKER_00:And I think I kind of want to talk about like the after, right? So you go through the breakup, you feel like it's the end of the world, you work through all these emotions, and then afterwards you're like, oh my gosh. You look back and you go, Why was I so upset about that? Right. It it seems better. And so, like in our notes here, we had it says, you know, what's one piece of advice you could give to anyone who feels like they've lost themselves in love or lost all hope together. And um, you wrote, feeling hopeless after deep emotional pain is a very human response, but not a permanent truth. I love that. Yeah. Because these are not, these are temporary feelings that will pass, just like if you have a thought of suicide or a bad thought, and you know, you go into a crisis, that part of your brain you cannot access it isn't working, but it's temporary. Yeah. It's just temporary. All that pain is temporary, and then, you know, yeah. And I like that you said temporary truth. Yeah. Because that might be the truth of how you feel in that moment, but it's just temporary. It will pass. It will pass. And you will feel better later. And just knowing that if you just hang on and on the other side of that, you will be okay and having that faith. And I think a lot of it's like you said, it's having that support system, having that friend, having a therapist that you can go to and and talk to and tell all of these things someone that's not gonna judge you or shame you because you understand psychology, you understand the brain, and you have, you know, the education in order to help a person get from point A to point B. And I always say, you know, if if you if you don't know where you're going, you're gonna end up lost, right? So if you are like, if you okay, so I need to get to point B, you know where you're at. And sometimes in life we don't know where we're at, and that's what a therapist can do is help us. It's like identifying where we're at and we need to get to be. And it's like they come up with a plan to help you get to be. Yeah, and that brings you hope. So for those of you out there, if you've ever thought about therapy and you haven't tried it, I would suggest that you do.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes. Yeah, I think that it brings a lot of optimism to life and can really, like you said, instill more hope.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and it's and it can be hard, you know. And like, I'm not gonna lie. Like sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't want to talk to her today and tell her all the bad things I did. You know, and I'm like, oh, I had a downfall here, I had a downfall there. But again, it's being awareness, taking accountability, and it's like holding yourself to growth too, you know.
SPEAKER_01:I was gonna say, like, I think that you in a like you kind of did a full circle there, is that you know, therapy can be uncomfortable, but there is no growth unless we're a little uncomfortable. Right. And so, you know, when you walk out of therapy and you're feeling that way, know that like you've made huge steps. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Just by acknowledging it and then saying, okay, I'm gonna do better tomorrow. Yeah. You know, gosh, relationships and psychology and how we're born and parenting is so important. And you bet. Um, I'm just I'm proud to know you and like happy for what you do for this world and others. Um, I know it's definitely not the easiest job.
SPEAKER_01:It's um it's definitely not, but I will say that I have loved serving the Northwest Arkansas community. Um, I've you know just celebrated my four-year anniversary here. Congratulations. I'm very excited. Like, I love this area and love the individuals that um I get to work with every day.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, that's yeah, that's awesome. All right, guys. Well, thank you so much, and stay tuned for our next episode. If you're struggling, remember how you think is how you feel. If your feelings feel heavy, start by shifting the thought. You're not stuck, your brain can change, so can your story. I'm Jessica G. This is the Justin Time podcast, and I'll see you next time. Until then, keep going. Never give up. And remember, the world is better with you in it, whether you believe it or not. To help reach others, please share this with your friends, family, and don't forget to like, subscribe, and donate.