Just In Time to Save a Life

Ep. 11 - From Breakdown to Boundaries in Beauty with Rex Paxton

• Jessica Greenwalt

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What happens when stylists become the first safe touch and the best listener a client has all month? We pull back the curtain on the emotional weight of salon work and talk about how to protect mental health without losing heart. With trichologist and multi-location owner Rex Paxton, we dig into the quiet anxieties new stylists carry, the messy middle of leadership, and the tools that keep teams thriving.

Rex shares how he helps new stylists move from “top of the class” confidence to real-world growth using a simple, repeatable practice: after every service, list three things learned and three things to learn next. We talk about creating culture that invites voice and feedback, not hazing and silence. You’ll hear how to set standards and deadlines, coach without cruelty, and be coachable yourself. We also break down the difference between caring deeply and trying to be someone’s therapist, with clear steps for referrals, resources, and when to point people to 988.

On the owner side, we get honest about burnout, betrayal, and boundaries. Rex walks through practical decompression rituals like silent car time and breath work, the value of having a coach you can vent to, and why vulnerability builds trust when used with intention. We explore “let them” to detach from others’ choices and “let me” to protect your own energy, plus why respectful exits matter for everyone’s mental health. And because community beats scarcity, we champion collaboration over competition to raise standards across the industry.

If you’re a stylist, assistant, or salon owner who cares about people and wants sustainable success, this conversation offers scripts, systems, and perspective shifts you can use today. 

Listen, share with your team, and if this helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and tag a friend who needs hope and a plan.

If you are in a crisis or feel unsafe, call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help.

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Safety Message & Purpose

SPEAKER_02

Hi, I'm Jessica G, and this is the Justin Time Podcast. If you're struggling today, I want you to know this podcast is here for you, but it's not a substitute for professional help. If you're in a crisis or feel unsafe, please call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help. On this show, I'll be sharing personal experiences, mindset shifts, talking with key experts, and sharing real tools that help me go from barely surviving to thriving. This is not about quick fixes or one size fits all advice. It's raw, it's honest, it's what worked for me and what I believe can help others too. Let's walk together from darkness to hope.

SPEAKER_00

It'll be just in time to say alive.

Meet Rex Paxton: Experience & Values

SPEAKER_02

All right, hello, hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Jess in Time podcast. We are so excited to be here. Uh today we are going to talk about mental health in the salon industry. Um we all know that, you know, clients come to us, sit in our chair, tell us all of their problems and their issues. And we as stylists um, you know, absorb a lot of that energy. Uh, not only that, today we're going to get into um assistance, um, new stylist, uh, new salon ownership, and the hardships that come with all of that. And today we have Rex Paxton. Thank you so much for being here, Rex.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, absolutely. Uh so Rex is a trichologist. He owns four different hair salons. He's been in the industry for 19 years. And I really admire him because I see so much strength in him. Um, there have been several times when I first opened my salon and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. He had already been there, done that. And I called him basically crying, going, I don't know if this is for me. And he's kind of encouraging me to, you know, hang in there. You got this and has kind of helped me along my journey. And so we're super excited to have you.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah.

The New Stylist Anxiety Problem

SPEAKER_02

Awesome, awesome. All right. So, as a salon owner, um, what do you think is the most silent form of anxiety new stylists uh deal with that kind of nobody talks about?

SPEAKER_00

I think as a new stylist, speaking from my own experience 19 years ago, I think mine was what I like to refer to as top of the game, but you're the little fish in a giant pond. So we graduate from cosmetology school, we get our license and we're the top of the game in school. And then we get into a salon and we don't know anything. Right. Right. And sometimes we don't have nice people in the salons that we're working in as a new stylist, and they want to give us the school of hard knocks, and it doesn't have to be that way. Right. So I think initially the challenge for a new stylist is how to fit in and how to have a voice, and not to allow others to bully you into thinking that you aren't worthy to be there, um, that you need to do the low task on the totem pool. I'm all for everyone jumping in and doing everything that needs to be done in a salon.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Not above cleaning a toilet.

SPEAKER_02

I was about to say I cleaned the toilet last week. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

You know, you have to do all those things regardless of where you are in the industry, especially if you're a salon owner. But as far as new stylists that are starting out, I think it is being able to use your words and open your mouth and establish that I am here and I want to learn. Yes. And I think that is also part of the challenge is when new stylists don't open their mouth and they don't use their words and they want to be coachable and they want to learn and they just don't say anything. Yeah, sometimes I think they get bruised by those that have been in the industry for a while.

Culture, Communication, And Belonging

SPEAKER_02

And, you know, I think we probably have both experienced that. I mean, there's a lot of toxic salons, and I mean, um, you know, I've had uh salon owners tell me things and treat me a certain way. And I look back at it now being a salon owner, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I never want to be like that, you know? Um and I think it comes twofold. It's like the culture that we create um within a salon makes I think stylists um feel more comfortable to come to you and and tell you. And I always say, I'm not looking for perfection, I'm looking for progress. I just want to see that you are growth-oriented and you're putting one foot in front of the other.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. I don't believe in perfection. It it is never going to be. Exactly. And I think um in my salon, I try to establish with everyone I am an open book and I'm also open to conversation. Yeah, right. I want to help you get to where you want to go. Let's work on goals to get you there.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And we need to have that open communication and feel comfortable going to the salon owner. And for myself as a salon owner to also go to my team and say, hey, I've noticed whatever that is that you've noticed, and be able to have that fluid, open, honest communication with one another so that you can help them. Yeah. And I think that's where the industry falls short in that owners aren't wanting to take care of the team. Whether they're an employee stylist or an independent stylist, to me, it doesn't matter. They're all part of my team. And I want to help all of them achieve their goals. Yeah. Whether it be emotional support that's needed, mental support that's needed, financial support that's needed by helping them with opportunities within the salon.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Um, I think that in the industry, we need to be more conscientious of the need of others. Yeah. And as an owner, I think it's also important that you realize what your needs are as well.

Coaching Through Missed Deadlines

SPEAKER_02

I was gonna ask you, I was gonna go into that because you kind of like led me there. Um, so you know, as I hear you speak about this, your heart is so in it and you want to help your team and you want to see people grow. Um, when I'll ask you two different uh questions. Um, one, when you've put effort into somebody and you're like, hey, let's work on XYZ, you can buy a deadline. Let's say they don't do any of those things, they haven't met their deadline, they come to you and they're saying, Hey, I'm struggling with my mental health. What do you do?

SPEAKER_00

Awesome. So I'm gonna answer it in two different ways.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because I have those that have that open, honest communication channel with me that will come to me and say, I I can't do it. And then I get into, okay, why can't you? And my my one of my favorite questions is why? So I may ask you why, and you give me some information, and then I ask why immediately. Because what you first regurgitated to me is not the answer to the question. So you have to keep dig digging further by just asking why. Um and eventually you'll get to the why. And when you get to the why, then there's action that can take place. Right. But until you actually get down to the nitty-gritty as to why they're struggling with whatever it is, you can't help them. Yeah. Right. At the same time, I also have people on my team, many, in fact, that don't even realize that they're struggling.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But I can see it, right? Been in the industry long enough, and I think unfortunately in this industry, we are people pleasers, number one. Number two, we think we need to do it perfectly. We make excuses for every little tiny thing that we see that the client might not even see it all. Guilty. So we just literally are saying, Yeah, oh, I'm so sorry. If this bothers you, I'll do it all over again. Like there's just this negativity that happens. So when I see team members, whether they are I think that's the artist in us. It is.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. We do.

SPEAKER_00

The the beautiful thing about our industry is the work is never done.

People Pleasing And Perfection Pressure

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And we care so much. I think hairstylists, good hairstylists, like we care so much about our clients.

SPEAKER_00

And I think part of that is because we have a license to touch as an industry. And because we have that license to touch, we are sometimes I always get emotional when I talk about this, but sometimes that client that's sitting in our chair, that is the first time that she or he has been touched or listened to since they were in your chair six, eight, twelve weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Even if they have relationships at home.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So sometimes we get so drawn into our client that we feel like we have to be perfect for them because nothing else in their life is perfect.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And unfortunately, we're putting too much pressure on ourselves and that just isn't how it needs to be. But that's what happens.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So some of my team members don't even know that they have challenges. So I will pull them in and say or know that you're absorbing all that.

SPEAKER_02

It just naturally, it's just something that kind of naturally happens.

SPEAKER_00

So with my team members that don't recognize that they're not able to meet the challenges of the tasks before them, yeah, I'll call them in and we'll just have a heart to heart. And let's say, hey, everything's good. Let's put the defenses down. Let's just talk open and honest with one another. Yeah. And I just literally say, Are you finding joy in what you're doing? And usually that just literally makes them melt.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because it shows that I care and I do. And it allows them to say, okay, I'm going to open up. And then they start to open up. And so as the salon owner and as a team leader, I encourage people, hey, you know what? You've got to take care of your mental health. Because if you are not mentally strong, you cannot be mentally strong for others that are sitting in your chair or who are relying on you, whether you are an assistant, a co-stylist, an independent, you can't do the job.

Boundaries, Burnout, And Energy Drain

Owner Self-Care: Breathwork And Coaching

SPEAKER_02

And this job is so demanding, not only emotionally, but physically. We're standing on our feet all day. We're working with chemicals. We're absorbing other people's energy. And um, I did this one workshop and because I was really struggling, um, I was real, I was, I wasn't getting burnt out, but I was just, I felt just like a workhorse, you know, and I was kind of everyone's emotional punching bag, you know, people just come in and tell me all of all of their problems and all their other things. And I didn't know how, you know, as as an earlier stylist, um, or maybe even like five, 10 years in, I did this for a very long time. And I would hold on to that and I would go home and I would think about it. And then I would wake up with them all night and I would think about this person. And then I would feel so bad about this person the next time I saw them, I would give them a free haircut and I would emotionally discount, you know, because I felt for this person. And I didn't realize, but over time, like you were saying, like when you brought that stylus, it's it's so good that you can pinpoint that and see that in other people. Um, a lot of people that are in, you know, uh suites or this and that, like they don't always have that opportunity, or not every salon owner is like that. So, you know, we're really fortunate to have you in this community to hey, pull somebody aside and and to kind of say that. And what I ended up doing was um, if I felt really overwhelmed or intense, I would say, okay, what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours. Because we've bring home so many other of our clients, like energy and feelings and emotions. How do you how do you like kind of drop that? Because I I feel like you are really good at this, honestly. Like, and that's kind of one of the reasons why I look up to you. And I believe like um Nikki also had, she's like, I don't know, ask next, you know? And I'm like, I'm like, help me. Cause I think, you know, and even dealing with um new stylists too, as a salon owner, you know, stylists come to you and you're the fixer, you're the fixer, you're the fixer. And, you know, like you said, we're people pleasers. Like, how do you not get burnout? And how do you um keep up with your mental health as well? Because for salon owners and and this time that we're we're going through, like the industry is just evolving and changing so fast. And like, you know, salon owners, they they've got to make changes. And like you were saying, the way that you treat people, the way that you talk to people, it doesn't need to be the school of hard knocks, like we went to. Um, how do you also like protect your own mental health too? Because you can pour so much into somebody. And I think, you know, I'm kind of speaking from my own experience here. And this is when I had called you when I was really, really struggling. I mean, I was crying every night, you know, uh a couple of years after opening the salon, like really struggling with my mental health. And I called you a couple of times and I was like, I just it hurts so much when you will pour into somebody and they they leave you in um such a rough way, you know, or uh unprofessional way, I guess you could say it. Um and I know, you know, we've all had this have happen. That's why Nikki was like, talk to Rex, like he's so much better at it. And this is why I couldn't do it at one point. I was like, I don't know if salon ownership. Do you remember me calling you? I do. I was like, I don't know if salon ownership is for me. I was like, this is so hard on my heart. Um, but I've pushed through and I've got more educated and um have done more leadership classes. But um I just look at you and I'm like, how does he do it? Because you run such a big team, but how do you take care of you and not and not like blur that line between that caring so much that it affects you so much?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I think there are several ways that I've learned over the years to take care of me, uh, even prior to being a salon owner. Yeah. You don't have to be a salon owner to be a leader in a salon. Yeah. Um, so I feel like I've been that to a lot of people for a long period of time. I don't know if it's like male versus female. Like I don't know that that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02

I did, I did wonder that too. I'm like, is it because he's a guy and he's tough? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

But sometimes I feel pretty weak. And so a lot of people look at me like, oh, he handles so much. I'm like, yeah, I I I can and I do. Yeah. And I've been that way since high school. Like, oh, just take it, take it, take it, take it, do it. I'm the yes guy.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it until I can't. And so I recognize that and I understand that. And so some of the things that I do to protect myself and my box is my car is my safe place. So when I get done at the end of the day, I go to the car. Do you just sit in it? I sit in my car. No music. I don't turn it on, even if it's cold. Um, I don't turn it on. Stones are away. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I think high-achieving professionals have such a different way to deal with burnout.

Structure, Standards, And Being Coachable

SPEAKER_00

And so I just like take it in, I do some breathing exercises, lots of breath work, I do that because otherwise I might pretend I might be in a demolition derby thinking that I need to, you know, take care of everybody that was in my way in the street, you know, just anchor out on wrecking into people's cars that I would. But that's kind of what that the energy feels like. And so for me, I do reading. I have a coach that I deal with with mental issues. Yeah. You know, we meet every other week virtually. Um, so she helps. I've always thought to myself and have been trained like you can't bitch down. So I can't go to my team. Yes, no. And I can't go lateral either. Like I literally have to either go to another salon owner, and I don't know that I want to go to a salon owner necessarily where we all live. Yeah, I want to go somewhere else. Like maybe, and I don't know why, that's just what I do. Um, so for me, it's I have to have somebody to pour out to and let go. And I have to feel comfortable with them and have to feel secure with them in order to. If I need to cry, I'm gonna cry. If I need to yell, I'm gonna yell. If like whatever it is, I have to get that mental anguish, emotional anguish out. Because if I don't, it goes to my team.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I can't have that. I don't want that. That's not what I'm about. That's not what our team is about.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's all about uplifting, everybody rises together. Yeah. Very positive. Is it always positive? No, it's not. We're human, right? But I have to do my part as the leader.

SPEAKER_02

What's the fine line between correcting somebody? You know, I think you probably see this in the industry. You know, we're we're hiring 19, 20, 21-year-olds right out of school sometimes. And when you correct them, sometimes they think you're being mean and you're like, no, this is a perfect, this is this is professional criticism. And so I think we're seeing that a lot right now with baby stylists in the industry. And that's why I always I always say, hey, you've got to be coachable and you've got to have a grit. Like, I'm not gonna sit here and like yell at you, but I'm gonna give you deadlines. And if you don't do them, like maybe you're not a good fit for the team. Right. Um, and I think having those conversations as a salon owner for me was really hard. And I was like so afraid because I wanted everyone to like me, right? And I think we we had this conversation a couple of weeks ago. And you're like, I don't care if they don't like me. I have to be, you know, be the person that they need me to be. And I believe a long time ago when we had talked, also, you said some people just need more structure. And I'll never forget that. And as, you know, you were right about that. And that was one thing that I was lacking. I wasn't, I didn't have enough structure. And I was trying to be friendly and buddies with people versus being their boss and being a leader. That's like, you know, it's one thing to be a hairstylist and then it's a whole other thing to be a salon owner and a business owner. That's it. Yeah.

Detaching From Betrayals With Grace

SPEAKER_00

100%. I think that um in our industry, we have to strive to make it normal to not be friends with everybody that works for us.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. It's so hard when you're stylist because you get so close with each other. Yep. Um, I we were also talking about that. Um trying to create that separate separation. Um salon ownership gets personal because we work so closely with our teams. Um, how did you learn to stop taking those betrayals or blindside moments so personally when things would like that would happen?

SPEAKER_00

So for me, I um have an understanding that not everything is for everyone forever.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Nothing is forever in this world. Yeah, right? Life isn't even forever. So I 100% expect that there'll be changes in the team. For whatever reason, we might not be a fit anymore. Right? It might be because you're moving, it might be because your life has changed. Maybe you've become a parent, or maybe you have uh become a parent to three because you got married to somebody that had three children. And so life changes. And so it just doesn't work, it doesn't fit anymore. Yeah. That doesn't necessarily mean that I need to take it personally.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And sometimes we take things personally because it's our business and it's our livelihood. And so when they go away, it's like, oh, there's that hole, there's that void.

Respectful Exits And Accountability

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. It's also how somebody leaves, too. And sure, you know, one of the things I wanted to talk about today, too, is like when you find a salon owner like yourself or like me, it's somebody that is, you know, putting their heart, their hard work on the line, they care about your career path, not just numbers. They care about you as a person. How are you? How is your mental health? Um, you know, checking in and actually creating a career path, you know, for your employees or for your stylist. I think it's very important for new stylists to remember that how you leave, how you show up to work and then also like how you exit, how you leave is so important. Um, also for the salon uh owner's mental health as well. And I think there's not enough accountability in that because as tough as I can be, as educated as I can be, as I can get a mentor and I can do all these things at the end of the day, there are still things that also hurt salon owners that do um invest time, energy, and money into that. And, you know, that's the risk that we take. We are In a um high turnover industry. Um, but I just I want to stress that out. So if you're a stylist and you are thinking about leaving a salon, make sure you do it in a respectful kind way. Um now, if you have a toxic salon owner, I mean, try to leave in the most respectful way that you possibly can. But for for salon owners that are that just you know that they care about you, but you just can't meet the standard or you can't rise to that standard, just leave in a respectful way. I think that is something that's kind of lacking in these younger generations is respect.

SPEAKER_00

It's true.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I don't think it's taught nor learned.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Uh I think it takes much longer. I I don't I don't know what happened to the world. You know, I think a lot of us blame COVID for a lot of things. Like it's COVID. COVID did that. Um But something has happened where people feel like it's okay to not respect others for any number of things, right? Whether it's that you feel like this isn't a fit for you in the salon, or how you respect and talk to others that you come across in your daily comings and goings, right? You just need to respect other people. Yeah. Doesn't mean you have to agree.

Let Them And Let Me

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Or even like what somebody said or did or this and that. But at the end of the day, look at the whole picture, look what that person has done for you. Like I always say when um I feel much more protected now because I have more leadership skills and I've learned not to take things as personal and I've gotten better about hiring, but there's just some things in life that you cannot um, they're just gonna happen. Betrayals are gonna happen, things are gonna happen, people are going to make you out to be the villain. I know you've been there. Yep. You know, with salon owners or stylists that have left because you held a standard, they didn't meet it, and so now you're the bad person. Right. And I think for me, that was the hardest part in this industry. And I really struggled with that. Um, how did you, when people made you out to be the villain because they didn't rise to your standard? Um, how did you deal with that or internalize that? Or if there's a salon owner out there that's listening and that needs to hear this, because I know we're all out there. I know this has all happened to every single salon owner almost. Um, it's just it's so common and I wish, I wish it wasn't. Um, what would you say to that person out there that just maybe went through a big betrayal that really invested in into um a team member and they left just very disrespectfully or just um cutthroat?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um I think there's a couple of different ways. Yeah. For me, if you don't have somebody that you can go to, a mentor or a coach, yeah. Um, even though I have that in my life, I do a lot of journal and burn.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I'll write down all my feelings, all my emotions, just everything the good, the bad, the ugly, the whatever. And I literally rip that out of a journal and I burn it.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. So number one, mentor. Number two, journal and burn.

SPEAKER_00

Journal and burn. Um, it works. Yeah. And it works for a lot of areas of my life. Yeah. Right? I I don't need anybody to find their journal later in life or whatever, because it it doesn't need to be kept written down. To me, I think there's energy, yeah. Obviously, when you're burning it, when you rip it out, that's one thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'll I'll like delete text messages if someone was like ugly or whatever.

SPEAKER_00

If you do that, and then I accidentally inadvertently hit sent. And so that doesn't really work for me. Oh, yeah. So I literally have to write it. The action of ripping it out takes some of that off of you, and then we actually light it up and burn it. Yeah. You can literally sit there and just let it all come out as you see it.

SPEAKER_02

This isn't a team building exercise, actually, for like anything that happens in life. They're like this. Yes. So we need a bonfire in the fall. Yeah.

Vulnerability As Real Leadership

SPEAKER_00

Bonfires. Um, those are probably the the biggest ways for me is a mentor slash coach, rip, journal, journal, rip, burn. I love that. Um, and then other than that, finding what helps you become clear. Yes. Some of us, that might mean taking care of yourself with self-care. Yeah. That might be get my lashes done. That might be get my makeup done. Might get a blow dry. That might be get color blocking done. It could be any number of things. You just have to know what that is and you have to get that done. Yeah. Right. And so I will caution and say sometimes the massage becomes not an actual massage where you're letting things out. It becomes a talking session with your massage therapist. So for me, that means you actually need a mentor coach, therapist, not a massage therapist, because you're not really getting a massage.

Teaching Through Mistakes And Learns

SPEAKER_02

You know, I totally agree with you because I think that was the uh missing piece for me at the time is I didn't have a mentor and I got a mentor. Shout out to Lacey Gibo. I love you so much. You've helped me so much. Um, I remember listening to her podcast, and and um, she had talked about, you know, these things that salon owners go through. And, you know, we pointed out all the things that I was doing wrong and how to make me better. Um, and we pointed out the betrayal too, right? And like sometimes things go hand in hand, and there's some things that just should have never happened and it hurt you so bad. But I will say that that catapulted me to be a stronger, better um version of myself as far as like business goes, right? Like personally, I'm just like a big teddy bear and like a moosh ball, um, which doesn't always work well in business. And I think that's like, you know, I think maybe you're like, I don't know, is it a guy thing or what? But I like I still don't know, but it's probably just more personality thing. Um having a little bit more of that grit. And I think the other thing too, it comes down to his experience. But I think having that mentor is is so important. And that's kind of what helped me heal and make my salon better, grow a team and a culture. And like you said, get clear with yourself, right? That's such good advice because that's kind of been the last three years of my life was, you know, healing, getting clear with myself, creating culture, uh, the cult the type of culture that people really want to work in and they can thrive in. Um, and not overgiving. I I was overpaying. I, you know, paid people and I didn't get paid. I mean, there were so many things that I was doing wrong as a business owner that that terrible experience. So if you're out there and you're going through, you know, some type of betrayal or somebody left or this and that and they did you wrong or whatever it is, look at that as opportunity. And at the time it can feel absolutely awful. I mean, I cried myself to sleep for months and I called you so many times, you know? And but instead of giving up, you know, which I almost did. I almost gave up.

SPEAKER_00

You did?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um, and instead of giving up, I found a mentor and I said, okay, you know what? I'm gonna give it another year and I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other, and then and then I'm gonna do what this, what my coach and what my mentor says, and I'm gonna hang in there. And it's gotten so much, so much better. But I think that's the point where most salon owners give up is when they go through that hard time and they go, I can't do this anymore, you know. And and it that's twofold because I think um, you know, it's an another stylist that we know. She was like, This isn't for me. And she was able to, you know, and my coach always tells me that. She's like, at the end of the day, salon ownership is not for everybody. It's not for the, it's not for the faint of heart.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely not.

Assistants, Expectations, And Panic

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um, and so kind of like knowing that and and going through that journey, um, I'm grateful for, you know, it's like, even though it was like one of the hardest things I had ever gone through, I'm I'm grateful for it because it made me so much stronger today.

SPEAKER_00

So and I think that's great. I think as saloners and even as stylists, we need to give ourselves grace.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And understand, like, we don't know what we don't know until we are slapped with it in our face. And like, oh, okay. That's what that feels like. And that's what that means.

SPEAKER_02

And it wouldn't have hurt so bad, Rex, if we didn't care or love so deeply. Right. That's the thing, right? Because if we didn't, there wouldn't have been tears at night. There wouldn't have been that, you know? It would have been like, you're just another number, whatever. But that's that's not us, you know?

SPEAKER_00

And I've also learned um through listening to Brent Abraham, one of my all-time favorites. Um, and that's why I got it tattooed on my body a long time ago.

SPEAKER_01

Let them.

SPEAKER_00

You just have to do that. And this is a thing. And I watch this, I I literally, when I'm struggling and I'm sitting in my wait, Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins.

SPEAKER_02

You said Brene Bram. I was like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00

Mel Robbins. Yes, we love that. I'm just like, uh, yes, I just need to let that be. And I am now learning the concept of let me.

SPEAKER_02

Let me?

SPEAKER_00

So the concept is with let me is I have to do what's good for me too. I can't just let them and not let me. You're so right. And when you don't do both and you're not balanced in both ways of thinking, that's when somebody's gonna get knocked down.

SPEAKER_02

I want to dig into this a little bit more, but I want to bring up um suicide lost survivors really quick because this kind of uh um reminds me of that. And when somebody dies by suicide, sometimes you completely forget about yourself and you make your whole life about the person that died and you forget about yourself. So I love let them and then let me. So can you explain to me a little bit of more of what let me means to you?

SPEAKER_00

So for me, it's I'm a giving person. I will give you almost too much over and over and over, right? That's how I'm wired, that's what I do to a fault. And I've had to learn in salon ownership in the last four years that I also have to have room for me and I have to take care of me as much as I'm taking care of others. And sometimes it feels selfish to do the let me because I'm like, oh, but everybody else needs me too. Yeah. So it's very, very challenging to carve out that time for you and to let me let me have my moment, let me have my tears, let me have my struggle, let me have my emotion, let me have my fear, let me have my anxiety, let me have my celebration of the thing, let me have this opportunity that's been given to me and let's everybody celebrate one another. Yeah. Versus let me just do for everybody else by letting them.

Community Over Competition

SPEAKER_02

This reminds me of one thing that my head coach had brought up last week in one of our meetings, and she said, it's okay to be vulnerable in front of your team. That's kind of how they learn. Now, you know, there's there's levels to that, of course, but it shows that you're also human as well. And, you know, there's times where you're I'm just like, I'm sorry, I messed up. That came out wrong. I shouldn't have said it like that. You know what I mean? When just when you're, you know, in the mix and you're, you know, trying to get this color on, you've got a haircut over here, and this person's smudging, and you're like, pick up the pace. And you may question yourself, did that come out too strong or this or that? But um, I think because what I'm hearing you say is like you have to take care of yourself too. But part of that is like being vulnerable, you know, like um, and that's admirable. And a lot of people are not that way. We just put up walls and, you know, but when that comes from the salon, like the ownership um down, like that that energy trickles down.

SPEAKER_00

It does. I had somebody that was a coach, she's still a very good friend of mine, does a lot of um media for me. She coached me starting about 10 years ago, and she said, You need to become more vulnerable. And I was like, I do not. I am not, I am not, because I had such a wall-up because I was protecting myself. And it took me a long time to become vulnerable. Now my team has seen me cry, get emotional, and sometimes I'm like, why am I getting emotional right now? I don't understand. And so rather than fight it, I just let it come out because it's authentic and it's real, it's me. So let me have that vulnerability. Let me have that emotion, and whoever sees it sees it. Yeah, it shouldn't matter.

SPEAKER_02

We're human too. It's like, yes, we're running a business, but we're we're human too.

SPEAKER_00

100%.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

When Stylists Disclose Mental Health Needs

SPEAKER_00

And I think when your team sees you and when other salon owners see you be vulnerable in that way, it softens everyone to understand okay, they are struggling with something too, because they've allowed themselves to become vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02

What mental patterns do you see behind the chair with like new stylists that um they may do a haircut and it's actually not that great. But you want to encourage them, you know, not to give up, but you know, to continue practicing. Um, how do you how do you coach a new stylist through that? Because I feel like a lot of new stylists, they get in one or two years, they mess up a couple of highlights, they mess up a couple of haircuts, and they're like, this, yeah, exactly. This isn't for me. Yeah. And it's sad because it's like, oh my God, we see as salon owners, we see the potential. Yeah. And we've no we've made those mistakes, but we didn't give up. How how do you coach them through that?

SPEAKER_00

Uh for me, I start earlier than when they're behind the chair with the client. Yeah. Right. When they start bringing in models, there's that conversation. So I have asked whether you are a co-stylist slash assistant with me, um, or you're a newer stylist is put onto the floor. My question to them at the end of every single service, and they know they need to send back to me what three things did you learn from that service? It could be the celebrations, but it can also be the learns. Yeah. Right. And the learns are the things that maybe we had challenges with. And then they are supposed to follow up with what three things do you need to learn from that? Right. So mine is constantly knowing this is what is happening with my team, and this is who's taking this highlight for the first time. Or this is the second time they've done a highlight since the one that was really bad and that I had to redo, and they had to stand there and watch me redo it, right? Yeah. So it is constantly asking, what have you learned from the service today? Or what did you learn from assisting today? And what three things do you want to learn that you haven't learned at this point? Yes. So it's just having that constant open communication with your team.

unknown

Yeah.

Resources, Referrals, And 988

SPEAKER_00

And then feeling like, oh, you are interested. It's not just when there's a challenge. And it's not just when, hey, I hit$2,000 this week. Yeah. It's not just the celebrations. Yeah. It's not just the challenges. It's tell me everything you're learning and what do you need more coaching about.

Closing Hope, CTA, And Affirmation

SPEAKER_02

And the and the thing is with new stylists, I think they can get so overwhelmed because when they get out of school, they barely know how to shampoo and blow dry. It's terrible. Getting the color out of the hair, I mean it's something I think that we as Solonos we work really hard to make sure, you know, because it's like if there's a little bit of hair color, that ruins the whole blowout, you know. They've cleanse gotta go to the room and yeah, redo it all over again. And that sets their day 30, 40 minutes behind sometimes. Um and I think that being an assistant is not easy. Nope. It is not easy. I remember my days as an assistant. I had I worked in Beverly Hills at Rodo Drive for Jose Bear. I worked for Reeby. And I, it's it was such a high level. I remember Scarlett Johansson's mom was in there, and um, you know, there was a lot of plastic surgery, and there are stitches behind the or in front of behind the ears. And I think it was like 20 years old, 20 or 21 years old. And it was my first job. And I remember shampooing, and I was afraid to get the stitches wet, right? But then also trying to scrub hard enough to get the color out because, you know, super thick hair. And I remember I didn't get the collar out and it turned into this big deal. And I went into the bathroom and I could not breathe. It was the first time I had a panic attack and an anxiety attack. I didn't know what one was, actually. Um, I could not catch my breath and I could not stop crying. I opened the door, I look at Rivi. I grabbed my purse, okay, stumble out of Rodeo Drive. I have to walk like four blocks because it was, you know, instead of$30 for parking, it was only$10 down here. It was like a super hot summer day. Uh, I parked way on the top. So my car was like so super, super hot. I finally got into my car and I passed out in my car, and it was probably like 102 degrees that day. I woke up, I was drenched in sweat. I could finally breathe. I proceed to drive home. My vision was like so blurry. I had no idea. It was 20 years old, not really knowing what was going on. That was my first anxiety attack. And it wasn't like my boss did anything wrong. You know what I mean? It was just the stresses and uh demands of the job, too. The expectations, the expectations. And there was nothing wrong with what he was expecting me to do whatsoever. It just was too much for me at the time. I got in the car, like gave all my stuff away, told my landlord that I was driving to Arkansas and taking a break. I took a three-month mental break. I drove back here. Got two speeding tickets on the way, by the way. What the hell?

unknown

I know.

SPEAKER_02

And I got here and I was here for like three months. I think I worked at Chili's or something. And I thought, what am I doing with my life? You know, but I didn't know about mental health. I think um, I don't know what, 20 years ago almost, like nobody talked about mental health. Nobody talked about, you know, it was taboo. Yeah. It was like, buck up. Like, what's wrong with you? What you handle it or find the next person. Yeah. Um, but my uh review was actually so nice to me. He was like, what happened? What happened? And, you know, as an assistant, you're not making that much money. I think it was in 2009 when gas was$5 a gallon, and I think minimum wage was$8.75 and it was$10 a day, just apartment car, right? It was tough. It was tough. We're talking about paying your dues, you know. But you know, every industry has that. And I always say Arkansas is such an easy place to live, you know, you don't have to pay for parking.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Yet exactly yes, not yet.

SPEAKER_02

Um wait, do you over here have to Pinnacle Heights have to pay?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I don't work. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

No, I know you don't work there, but you're like the Pinnacle Heights there. Oh, I think for Empty Hair Labs and all that is did the businesses up to you or do the clients that go there have to you?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't know either. And the parking structure. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. So far you don't have to. But, anyways, and I thought, what am I doing? So three months later, I was like, I'm not giving up. Ravi was like, you can get your job back, come on back. So drive all the way back. This time I decide not to live in Marvist. I started, I decided to live away closer to work, but it just goes to show that sometimes I think it just goes to show that mental health is so important, right? Right. And me not knowing what an anxiety attack was, you know, I didn't even know what that was until 10 years later, actually. Cause I never, I didn't go to a doctor. I didn't tell them my symptoms. Um, it was, I don't know. It's like we people just started talking really about mental health. We're scratching the surface with it. Um, and I think it's like you said, it's so important. Let me, you said let them, but also let me taking care of yourself. And I think when you're new too, it's like, yes, you you want to go hang out, but there's so many different things that you have to learn as a new stylist. You know, shampooing, blow drying, you want to test out for highlighting, uh, haircuts, like, and there's different standards. You've got sports clips all the way up to luxury salons like yours. And there's a different standard for each one. And some people, um, it may be too much for that person, right? And that's why there's different salons for everyone. That's right. Yeah. So it's, I think it's about finding the right fit too. Um, like you said, the right culture, finding the right fit. Like, I might not be a good fit for one person, but you might be a better fit for that person, you know? Um, and I think it's important that we like all work together. And uh, I love that you stopped by the salon the other day and was like, hey, you've got Mil Bon. It's an extensive line. If you need any help, let me know. And that like really touched my arm. All the girls with the Sonic that was cool. Um, but I I don't know why I don't know if it's in this area, but a lot of people I just feel like they're just in competition. But um, there's enough for everyone.

SPEAKER_00

I just think competition is silly myself.

SPEAKER_02

I here at the top, you're collaborating.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I am my competition. I'm not anybody else's competition. That's right. I don't want to. I I only know that you I only knew that you had Milbon because the rep told me that you had Milbon. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go stop by because it was completely overwhelming for me. I was like, yes, I'm gonna go just stop by.

SPEAKER_02

We have like a hundred new shampoos in the back bar. You was telling me, I think we were just unboxing. Yeah, you were.

SPEAKER_00

And I remembered the day of unboxing, and I had to do that three times over. Right. So it's a lot. Yeah. Um I think that it's just silly that anyone in our industry is trying to be competitive with either someone else within the salon or someone across the road or in another town. Like it just isn't necessary. Have you walked around the town and looked at the hair that you see? Like there's plenty of people that need their hair done by good stylists.

SPEAKER_02

And I think it comes from like a survival mindset too. You know, when you're in a state of abundance, you know, uh, or a mindset of abundance, you're not like worried about that, you know? So I'm always just worried about myself and what I'm doing. And there's enough problems that I have to take care of that I'm just I'm not worried about anyone else. But when I mean another stylist, I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to talk to you. You know, just like you said, you can't bitch down. You've got to find another salon owner and like talk about the struggles that you're facing as well. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And sometimes it isn't that you even get to the point of talking about the struggles. It's just being together and knowing there's not gonna be any judgment here. We can just talk about what we need to talk about. Yeah. But I truly believe in community versus competition. Yeah. Like there's no reason that in your community, wherever you are, that you all just can't get together as salon owners.

SPEAKER_02

I love that you hold classes like and you invite everybody else, you know, from different salons. Um, I think that's great. I think if just people are scared.

SPEAKER_00

So And I don't know what you're scared of. I'm the nicest asshole there is.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh, that's cute. Um, okay. One of the other things I wanted to talk about today was when you have a stylist um come to you and they say, Hey, I'm I'm really struggling with my mental health. We we kind of talked about two things, right? Like, we are not their therapists, right?

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

And a lot of salon owners, I think, will try to be their therapist. And I'm even guilty of this in my early um same salon when I first opened the salon, right? Because we want to help people. But I think I reached a point where, and I think talking to you the other day, I kind of realized this. And even with my therapist and then my coach also, she's like, you're not their therapist. You know, it's like you as much as we want to help people, we're not your therapist. So when people come to you and they're struggling with their mental health, um, I remember that you were like, let's get you in touch with somebody that can help you. Here's a number to a counselor. Maybe this job isn't the right fit for you at this moment. Right. Um, you know, it's funny because one of our other podcasts is going to be about the corporate environment and um reaching out. I think, you know, some people are really scared to reach out and say that they're struggling because they don't want to lose their jobs or they don't want, you know, to think that they're uncapable. But I think it's really important for stylists, if you are struggling with your mental health, if you do have, you know, um thoughts of suicide, that it is important to, you know, go to your salon owner and say, hey, I'm really struggling right now. Um, it's affecting my work performance. And chances are, you know, the salon owner, like uh you said, you've noticed when you see people struggling, but it's a lot of responsibility for that stylist to reach out and communicate with you, kind of what we talked about in the beginning of this podcast, that I'm struggling. So I want to encourage like new stylists that are struggling with their mental health because sometimes as salon owners, we take things personal when it has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with that person's mental health. And so if the job is too much for them at the time, um, I think it's what what you're saying, you're like, hey, let's get you in contact with this person, or if you're struggling, call 988. Um, but just kind of reach out and get the help that you need and not be afraid of that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I agree. Um everyone struggles.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes we struggle more in this time of life versus another time of life. And there's no shame in that. I think you're brave to be able to come forward and say, hey, I'm struggling with this. Yeah. Um and just like I refer to let them and let me. You also have to remember when you're letting them, that you have to let them let them be. Yeah. So you have to be able to be on both sides of whatever's happening.

SPEAKER_02

Because you're a business owner at the same time. You care about these people, but then they're struggling with like maybe a mental illness and you want to get them help. And so, you know, sometimes that can be like a hard, hard, hard place to be because you feel for the person, but you still have a business to run. So I think the answer to that, what we talked about, is like not trying to be their therapist, but getting them resources and the help that they need.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I have an awesome physician that I refer people to if they want to make that appointment and go through the process of determining if they have anxiety situations. Yeah. And if they need something for that. I also have therapists and psychotherapists. Like there's so many resources that are available to them. And I think sometimes as a new stylist, when you don't have insurance, when you don't have resources, you're scared because you don't know how it's going to come about. There are ways in which your mental health can be taken care of as long as you're willing to put forth the work yourself and come forward and be brave about it.

SPEAKER_02

And hashtag roar, we're going to start using that. Um, roar is for the lion for Justin Time, and it means reach out and rise. Um, Justin, he was a um Sigma Pi, and his fraternity was um suicide education and prevention. Um so I think it's important for everybody to be able to reach out. And like you said, um if you reach out, you're brave. It's not showing weakness, it's actually showing bravery. And you're an example to the people that are behind you that may also be scared. Um thank you so much for being on this show today. I mean, and to all the stylists out there and salon owners, I give you all the light and the love in my heart. Um, keep going. Um, don't give up and find yourself a mentor. And I hope that this podcast and um helped you today and the things that Rex shared with you. Thank you for so much for being vulnerable. Um, hopefully that this touched somebody's life. And uh right now we actually need some help to help uh promote the show. So if you would like tag a friend, share this on your platform. Um, and like I said, if you're struggling, please uh dial 988 or if you're in a crisis, you can always dial 911. And um again, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. If you're struggling, remember how you think is how you feel. If your feelings feel heavy, start by shifting the thought. You're not stuck, your brain can change, so can your story. I'm Jessica G. This is the Justin Time Podcast, and I'll see you next time. Until then, keep going. Never give up. And remember, the world is better with you in it, whether you believe it or not. To help reach others, please share this with your friends, family, and don't forget to like, subscribe, and donate.