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Just In Time to Save a Life
Just In Time is a deeply personal and powerful podcast hosted by Jessica G, founder of the nonprofit Just in Time to Save a Life. In each episode, Jessica and her guests explore mental health, suicide prevention, and the healing power of neuroplasticity through lived experience and compassionate conversation. This show is rooted in Jessica’s own journey through profound grief and survival, offering insight, encouragement, and real tools for those struggling in silence. Just In Time is more than a podcast — it’s a mission to make mental health education and transformative healing accessible to everyone. Join us as we share stories that speak life into the darkest places and offer hope to those who need it most.
Just In Time to Save a Life
Ep. 20 - Faking It Till You Break: High-Profile Burnout & Rebuilding with Mikey Tableman
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The illusion of a perfect life is a massive profit sink for your mental health. In high-performance industries, the unwritten rule is to keep smiling and fake it until you make it, but ignoring internal warning signs only accelerates an inevitable crash. On this episode of the Just in Time podcast, host Jessica G. sits down with Mikey Tableman, a veteran festival producer, spoken word poet, and the founder of A Mind’s Pursuit, to pull back the curtain on what happens when your external success completely hollows out your internal well-being.
We sit down to unpack the exhausting logistics of managing VIP sky decks at major music festivals while privately battling severe anxiety, addiction, and suicidal ideation. Mikey shares his tactical breakdown of navigating sensory overstimulation, including his literal visualization routine for building an energetic shield against chaotic environments. The conversation digs deep into the hazardous realities of psychiatric over-medication, the unglamorous mechanics of neurofeedback during rehab, and how neuroplasticity actually works when you are actively trying to train a brain that defaults to a negative spiral.
The unglamorous truth is that public vulnerability comes with a steep professional and social cost, sometimes exposing you to a cruel world where people weaponize your past struggles against your future capability. Rebuilding your mind from the inside out means accepting that some days the depressive episodes will still win, and recovery isn't about a magical quick fix, it’s about establishing non-negotiable personal boundaries and choosing to show up for your purpose even when you are entirely out of gas.
If you care about breaking the corporate mental health stigma, understanding actionable energy management for empaths, and learning how to rewrite a negative thought loop, you’ll get a lot from this conversation. Please remember to subscribe, share this episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help us expand our reach. What is the biggest boundary you need to set this week to protect your own mental peace? Let us know in the comments below.
If you are in a crisis or feel unsafe, call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help.
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Safety Note And Show Purpose
SPEAKER_02Hi, I'm Jessica G, and this is the Justin Time Podcast. If you're struggling today, I want you to know this podcast is here for you, but it's not a substitute for professional health. If you're in a crisis or feel unsafe, please call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate support. There are people out there who will listen and can help. On this show, I'll be sharing personal experiences, mindset shifts, talking with key experts, and sharing real tools that help me go from barely surviving to thriving. This is not about quick fixes or one size fits all advice. It's raw, it's honest, it's what worked for me and what I believe can help others too. Let's walk together from darkness to hope.
Meet Mikey And The Double Life
SPEAKER_02Welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much for joining the Justin Time to Save a Life podcast. Today's episode is a powerful one, and we're sitting down with Mikey Tableman, a mental health advocate, speaker, creator, and whose work is built on lived experience, not just theory. He's the founder of A Minds Pursuit, and he hosts and a host of chaos-controlled podcasts where real conversations around mental health take center stage. From the outside, his life once looked successful, fast paced, high-level environments, but internally he was battling anxiety, depression, addiction, and burnout. And today we're diving into his story, the breaking points that change everything, and what it actually takes to shift your mind and rebuild from the inside out. Mikey, thank you so much for being here today.
SPEAKER_01Of course. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_02Awesome. Um, so let's just kind of who is Mikey Tableman? Let's just kind of get into that, kind of introduce you to some of our guests here. Um, and tell us just a little bit about yourself, like who you were growing up. Uh, what did your mental health look like early on? How did you kind of fall into um, you know, um opening up a nonprofit and just a little bit about your your story?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, of course. Um, so I mean, I'm still figuring a lot out about myself every day. I think a lot of people are. Um, but uh I started my nonprofit in 20 in 2021. Um, you know, during the pandemic, it gave me a whole lot of time to really kind of sit and everything kind of caught up to myself. Um, I've been working in hospitality now since I was about 18 years old. So I'm going on almost two decades in uh hospitality. That's uh exhausting. Um, so I've been doing that for a very long time, working in a lot of light clubs in New York City. Then I moved out to Los Angeles, ran a lot of the bigger nightclubs out there, fell into the festival circuit, and then I oversee the Skydex of the VIP bottle services for large-scale music festivals from EDC to Coachella to Ruling Louds, things along those lines. Um, so in that capacity, I was kind of living a double life because here I have this coolest job that everybody's like, yo, I wish I had your life. And I'm like, I'll give it to you. And people were kind of taken back. I'm like, yo, you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes and the burnout and the exhaustion. And, you know, growing up, I never felt like I ever really fit in. Um, I was born and raised in Queens, New York, and you know, I battled anxiety since I was probably 13 years old, but I never was able to put a label on it until I was in my mid-20s where I finally went to therapy for the first time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I feel like that's what that was.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like, oh, so that that's what all those feelings were and that overwhelmingness, and that like I would just feel so uncomfortable amongst friends and family, and I never really understood it. Like my social anxiety was goddamn.
SPEAKER_02How old were you? How old were you at that point?
SPEAKER_01Um I had my first major anxiety attack at 13.
SPEAKER_02At 13? And then how old were you when you realized that that was anxiety? Like
What An Anxiety Attack Feels Like
SPEAKER_02okay, so similar to me too. I was working in Beverly Hills um at Jose Bear on Rodeo Drive, very like, you know, high-level environment. And I had, I didn't know, I didn't know what an anxiety attack was, really. And I was like crying. I I ran to the bathroom, I was sweating profusely. Um, can you tell some of our listeners like what that felt like? Because I think a lot of people don't actually, you know, understand what that what that actually is. Because I didn't, you didn't.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, so I mean, I I think for everybody's different. Like, even you know, my girlfriend suffers from anxiety, and like our our physical symptoms are very very, very different as well. Um, but for me, I start to feel it in my body. I just really feel like off. I start to get very shaky, I get very, very hot, I have a hard time breathing. Um, and then my brain kind of disassociates to kind of like remove me from like the actual feeling because I've been dealing with this for so long. So then I start to kind of feel like I'm walking in a dream. And then I start to question, like, yo, is this real? Like, what the fuck is going on right now? Where I feel very disoriented. So that's so for me, it's like just something like it, it just something in my body just shifts on me. And then like my blood pressure, my blood pressure skyrockets. I can feel my heart just beats so incredibly fast. And then I just feel very um, like I just want to run it high. Like I'm just so afraid of I don't know, actually, the term afraid is probably not the best word, but I'm just so uncomfortable in my own skin that it's just like I can't be out in public. I need to be home in my bed, like in like a little safe space, because I just I can't do it.
SPEAKER_02Do you think like being in those high-level environments, you know, uh where just the expectation and is so high, like kind of like just enhance that? Oh well, I'll work that out even worse.
SPEAKER_01The overstimulation.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Just in just the overstimulation in general, which is being in there and the production values being so high and the music being so loud and the lights being crazy, and then there's so many people. Like, I'm also a very spiritual person, and I am and and I take on a lot of energy. Um, I'm I'm blanking on the word right now. Um, but I take on a lot of energy from other people around me, which I had to learn how to kind of sit down, meditate, and um, I'm very empathic and kind of not take that on.
SPEAKER_02So then yeah, to like separate like what's yourself like other people's.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I had to learn like this isn't my energy. This isn't, and then like so now, like when I go into festivals, I have a full meditation where like I will literally sit and as I meditate, and then I'll stand up and I'll put on like a quote unquote shield armor. Like I'll envision it like it, like I'm a knight in Game of Thrones, and I literally will do the action of putting these things on over me. And then like I kind of envision it like I'm Super Mario in the video game where you get the star and everything is just bouncing off you, where like I'm in this little bubble where none of that can get to me. And that actually has made it for me a lot easier to decipher which is mine and which isn't, because then it's like something still get through and you still take on. But in those environments, I mean, I'm dealing with some extremely high profile people and millions and millions of dollars, and just the what's going on there is not normal. Um, so like, and everything has to and everything has to be perfect at all times, right? Everybody has to complain about something.
SPEAKER_02You can't show you can't show weakness because it's not about you, it's about everybody else. You have to keep a high level, and it's like if you can't handle it, they'll always have to smile too, like it's hospitality, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right? So the customer is always right, the customer is spending money, and it doesn't matter how much they treat you like shit and how entitled they are, you have to take it. So I'm dealing with all that, and then when you're like when you do something as big as I do, there's a lot of people that come together to make it happen, right? So then I have like six different CEOs of these major companies that all want six different things, and I have to do all six things at the same time while I have 400 employees underneath me, all needing something different at the same time, and it's and everybody's just coming to me. And then you throw in, you know, in that environment, and when I was just trying to get through, you throw in a lot of extracurriculars. I'm doing a lot of drugs, I'm you know, just trying to get by. Then I'm going home and I'm smoking weed and taking Xanax to decompress, waking up, ripping a line to keep going.
SPEAKER_02Like, I think, you know, high performers, high stress situations, just high level things like that. I mean, it opens you up to a world of so many other things. And I feel like mental health was not really talked about, you know, kind of especially in the last like 10 years. And so I love the way that you talk about it. I love the way you're vulnerable. Like, I just I can't wait to like dive more into this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. And listen, I think that's like, you know, talking about is what's going to help change a thing, but right? Like me and you got into doing this because we've been affected by it and we don't want to see other people affected by it. So we want to do what we can do to help to create this conversation, you know, kind of going back to what you were saying of like, you know, when we were young, it wasn't talked about. Well, it was talked about, but the way that it was depicted, anxiety, depression, and addiction was the homeless person on the street, the person that couldn't get their shit together, not the high-functioning, overly successful human being. Which I'm coming to find out, most of the people that I'm surrounded by, and I've been in this industry now for about 20 years, and I deal with a lot of high-profile people, they're all really struggling with something.
SPEAKER_02I mean, there was this whole thing like fake it till you make it, you know, and you just, I mean, you look at Robin Williams, you know, super high profile, struggling, like probably had tons of resources, but something didn't, you know, close the gap for them.
SPEAKER_01Things just don't click sometimes. Like, and not that it doesn't click, it's just like, yo, like there's some days, no matter how hard I try, I I have all the tools. I the depression, like I still deal with depressive episodes. I still deal with SI and suicidal ideation. I still deal with extreme anxiety. I know what to do. I've been in therapy for a long time. I've been to rehab, I've taken so many courses. I've I've done so much to educate myself on what I deal with. And there are some days where it still wins and there's nothing I can do about it where the depression just takes over, and I just close, I just shut the blinds, lay in bed, turn on a comfort show, and just lay there three days. There's nothing I can do about it.
SPEAKER_02Well, I think what was the video that you sent me? Was
Turning Pain Into Spoken-Word Art
SPEAKER_02that um something comes out July 10th? What is that that you're working on? So I have um minds pursuit.
SPEAKER_01So um so my so um I have my debut album. So I'm a spoken word poet. Um, so basically I became a spoken word poet and I would go all over and I would perform, and people would be like, yo, you talk a lot about your anxieties and your addictions, and like you found the words that I couldn't I couldn't find. So I created a whole album, which I didn't mean to do, it just all kind of happened. Like I never, I never was a like I acted and stuff like that, but I was never a poet. I never would go up on stage and do those kind of things. So I just kind of ended up just writing a lot, and it just kind of you know, during the pandemic, it just kind of like flowed out of me. So I created this concept spoke award album called My Manic Maze, which is all about all of my mental health struggles and how they all offset. It's it's dual. So the album, um, there's a full album, which I sent you the video of which one of the music videos for, and then I had people that would love to like, hey, I wish I had your words when I was going through a hard time so I can read it and really relate to it. So I was like, oh, I should turn it into a poetry book. But then I started getting asked to come and speak, and people would be like, Well, what's behind it? Like, can like obviously it's really cool the way you speak about it, you put it in metaphors and similes, and you give us this full detail, but what were like the actual feelings? So then that's when the idea kind of came up to put together of like, well, let me just not have the poem there. Let me tell you the real insight, the honest opinion, the truth of what was really going on in that time. And that's how this dual project kind of came together.
SPEAKER_02And that drops and that and that drops July 10th. Okay, I can't wait. Where can people find that?
SPEAKER_01Um, so it'll be uh the book will be released on Amazon in Barnes and Noble, um uh various bookstores, and then uh the album will be on all streaming platforms.
SPEAKER_02Okay, that's that's exciting. Yeah, and you sent me like a short clip of that. That was I was like, wow, I know exactly what that feels like, you know? Um, so I can't wait to see. How many are there of them? How many poems?
SPEAKER_01There's there's seven poems, so it's an EP, so there's seven tracks. Um, and then in the book, there's about 10 chapters because I do a like a prequel before and after and kind of things, and you just kind of like to try to tie everything in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's brilliant. That's awesome. Way to go. Um, okay, so now you're 25. You had your first anxiety attack. Then go on.
SPEAKER_01So I had my first anxiety attack at 13. At 13.
SPEAKER_02And then you realize at 25, hey, this is anxiety. And then what was your kind of like next steps? Like, like, how did you what was your breaking point?
Breaking Points Meds Rehab Survival
SPEAKER_02And um like what did that moment feel like internally? And then how did you start shifting into becoming more mentally healthy?
SPEAKER_01Um, I didn't right away. Um, so I realized it was anxiety at 25. So I moved out to California when I was 23. Um, but that's when I was like, okay, thing, you know, back where I'm from, it wasn't something that was talked about. It wasn't something I need support on. So I didn't really push for it. Now that I was kind of on my own and, you know, living on my own and in my own little world, and I had nobody else to help me besides myself. I was like, all right, let me let me try something different. Let me try this scary word that everybody talked about for so long, that nobody would want to talk about for so long. Let me try this therapy thing. So I tried it, realized, you know, so I've been diagnosed with kind of everything under the sun at this point. That's the thing about, you know, therapy. They can only talk to you for so long. Hey, you should see a psychiatrist. You talk to a psychiatrist within 10 minutes, they're saying you have this and putting you on this sort of medication. Um, so I wasn't very trusting at first. I still became trusting, which kind of backfired on me. I'm still not very trusting, to be completely honest with you. Um, but it all kind of hit a head.
SPEAKER_02Like when you say that, like like there's like a trauma around like a therapist or a psychiatrist that like an experience for you that didn't go well.
SPEAKER_01I had a trauma around a psychiatrist, yeah. So I I've had two really gnarly breaking points in life. One was at in um June of 2018, um, where everything kind of hit ahead and I had a suicide attempt. And then in three years ago, um in around uh yeah, actually around around uh end of May, June again, I had a mental breakdown which led me into rehab. Um so two different experiences. The one where I was having a really hard time with I was uh I found a psychiatrist in my insurance plan who I was just kind of really needing help at that time. I was I was really going through it. My addictions were kind of like really high, but I didn't want to face that yet. I was just like, yo, this is my anxiety, this is my depression. So I had a psychiatrist that was putting me on all different medications. And I would, at this point, I was on seven medications, and every month I would go to them and be like, oh, you're slipping like shit. Let's bring, let's bring the mobutrin up to 150, let's bring the gabapentin down, let's bring the hydroxysine up, let's bring this, this, and we just kept on shifting up and down for months until I had a really uh I had a really bad panic attack where I was telling um my girlfriend at that time, like, hey, like, I'm not okay, I don't want to live anymore. It's like if I take you to the hospital, you know exactly what's gonna happen. So, like, you need to figure out how to pull it together. So I pulled it together, talked to the psychiatrist about it. He's like, we should put you on lithium. And something in me was like, yo, no fucking way. Like, that's a whole other thing. And thankfully, when I went to rehab and I was telling the doctors in rehab what happened, they're like, if you would have gone on lithium, instead of this being a six-month process, that might have been a six, seven-year process with all the medications you were on, plus lithium, plus all the weed you were smoking and all the painkillers you were taking, you might have had a psychotic break that you would have never quite quite quite possibly never come back from.
SPEAKER_02So like that reminds me of like what Britain Spears is going through right now. I feel like.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't follow that, but I've heard a lot about it. So quite quite potentially, like, so that's where I just kind of had that experience with this doctor who was just like, yo, it's my brain, it's my life that you're fucking with. And then on top of that, he was asking me for passes for him and his girlfriend to go to festivals. So I'm just like, so now my internal feeler fear that I have that like, you know, people only like me for what I can provide to them, which has been a thing, you know, something I've been coping with my whole life, is that I'm not enough to only like me for what I can give you. You know, you can't do it.
SPEAKER_02This is why I'm worthy of it.
SPEAKER_01This is my worth. Now the person who's supposed to be helping me is basically like confirming that because you know, if I'm not giving it to you, you're kind of like upset about it. Then I'm like, you're just putting me on all these different fucking meds, and I had it, and I had a I had a panic attack and a nervous breakdown. And so that was in, so that was three years ago. And in 2018, um, when things kind of really went to a halt, was where here I am living this really cool life. I'm like 28 years old at this point, or oh, yeah, close to 30. It's all kind of a blur at this point. I have this life that everybody talks about, everybody wants. And I, when I was growing up, I wanted, I thought was the cool thing to do. I have it all. I'm at the top of, I'm literally at the top of my the top of my career, making the most money I ever made, traveling all over the world, on private jets, on yachts, throwing these crazy parties, hanging out with celebrities, all these things. I am miserable. I hated every second of it. I would go work these festivals, work myself to the bone, burn out, come home, eat copious amount. Well, like three, four hundred milligrams worth of edibles on the daily, take pillars. Literally, like people wouldn't, like you, I wouldn't answer a phone call for a week. I wouldn't see anybody. I would be so down and out of it, and then I would just get up and do it again. Because at that point, I was traveling probably 40 weeks out of the year. So I was in this vicious cycle for a few years where it finally broke me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I feel like a lot of rock stars live that life too. You know, they're on the road, they're on tour. I mean, things keep you going, you gotta have the energy. There's late nights, like, yeah, it's just like a whole different environment, a whole different atmosphere. And then if you're like battling with mental health on top of that, it's just can be like the perfect storm for a disaster. What was the first shift that helped you start changing your life? Like once you realize that and you're just like, yeah, something's gotta shift, something's gotta change. Like you tried to get like counseling therapy, all that, kind of had a bad experience. Then where'd you go from there?
Asking For Help And Facing Shame
SPEAKER_01Um, so after that, I confided in a couple of friends that I tried to take my own life. And um, one of my best friends, she's like my sister, like kind of he's like, yo, you have to get the help. Like, and she was on me, like I had to check in with her every day. She lived up the block for me. So check in with her every day, like all these things.
SPEAKER_02And then um Are you embarrassed at the time to come reach out? Yeah, right? Like, can we talk about that for a moment? Because like just to even reach out to like tell somebody, hey, I'm struggling, like, especially as a guy, like for as a woman, yes, but as a man too, like it's even harder. I mean, my dad was 56, he died, he didn't reach out, you know what I mean? He like was silently struggling, also, you know, and he he was in LA, you know, doing all these like big jobs and this and that, and everyone thought he all had it together too, but yeah, silently struggling. So, what did it feel like to like finally make that that that step? Um, because I think a lot of our listeners right now, it's like, okay, like I'm struggling, but I'm embarrassed, yada yada yada. Like, how did it feel? What did it take? Because that that takes courage. That's the first step.
SPEAKER_01Yo, there, there is there was actually a lot of emotion that went behind it. And it's kind of like twofold, right? Because like I have this book and album coming out on all the things that I went through, my suicide attempts, but I'm actually petrified because my close circle knows I do it and like knows what I've been through, and like I've talked about it semi on my podcast and things like that. But like now I'm basically telling you everything. Now I'm putting everything out into the world. So now my whole my my extended family, people I grew up with, friends, you know, friends of my brother and my parents and things like that are all gonna read it. Like that still actually scares the shit out of me and still making me very uncomfortable, just to be completely honest with you.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much for sharing that because I think, you know, before when I was on the way to the podcast and we talked, I was having anxiety because you know, I'm nine months pregnant. I'm literally having a baby on Thursday. So, you guys, um, if you're listening, this is one of my last podcasts. Lynn Hurst is gonna come on and um take over the next four episodes, and then I'll finish it out and then we'll restart again next year. But I was like having, you know, panic attacks about basically the same thing. It's like, you know, you put yourself out there, people can say things, like there's such a lot of fear. Um, and there's a cost to putting yourself out there. There is a cost. There's a cost to it for sure. But um, you know, when I meet people like you, I'm like, okay, I'm glad I'm doing the work also, because we, I feel like you and I, we just don't want other people to feel like we did, or we want them to find a way out, like from darkness to hope, you know? And I think that's why we're here today.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And look, and I think it's understanding that we do live in a cruel world. Like after like word spread of what I went through and like I took time off of work. Um, when I when I would bid for other jobs, there would be people I would go up against that would be like, yo, do you really want to hire him? Like, have you heard the shit he's been through? Like, what if he has a mental breakdown during your event or the project he's working on for you?
SPEAKER_02Can he so like they're living in a small town too? Like people are spending the money, like putting their stuff out there.
SPEAKER_01It's like everybody thinks hospitality is this big industry. It's like the people that actually make it run it's actually pretty tight. So word spray. Pretty quickly. It's like high school. Um, yeah. So, like, yeah, so like that.
SPEAKER_02You think LA is huge, but then really it's like it's really tiny.
SPEAKER_01So, like, yeah, I didn't take that into consideration or think about it when I was when I was opening up about stuff, but I just kind of accepted, like, yo, it's a cruel world. And like, I said that people, it's like, look, I understand, but and I just be like, listen, you as much as you don't want to say it, you probably go through something too. You know, people that struggle, like you do. Um, and everything I've been doing for these other companies for years, I was in the same state I was in. I just finally talked about it. So I was having a lot of people.
SPEAKER_02You're by doing that though, like you're so real, raw, genuine. You're helping like break the stigma. I mean, I have like really dialed it back. But then like I look at you and I'm like, there's some things where I would want to say or want to share too. But you inspire me to like keep going and like do what I'm doing too. Cause like this mental health sphere, you know, especially talking about suicide and anxiety, depression, you know, all of that, it's it can be like a super heavy, heavy place to be a lot of the time. And, you know, um, but you I think, you know, if there's one life just in time to save a life, that's why if we say one life, it was like worth it, you know, for every one suicide. There's 25 other attempts. And so you just got to keep on doing it. But you're so brave. You're so brave. So, okay, you took the first step, you reached out for help. What did that look like? What did that feel like? What was what happened next?
SPEAKER_01I I told like my best friend who's like my sister, and then my other, like at the time, she's still a great friend of mine. Um, the two of them are like two big sisters to me. And I and I kind of let them know. I let Britney know first, and then I talked to Sid about it afterwards. And it was a relief to see somebody care. Um, but I I was never somebody who thought when I would always hear like suicide is selfish, I was like, fuck you. Like, I'm the one going through this, I'm gonna be fine. And at that point, I don't think anybody gives a shit about me anyway. Even though like I've come to like that's my own internal thought process and my own trauma that you know, nobody cares. I'm just if I'm not here and I die tomorrow, okay. So some people won't be able to get to festivals, they'll move, they'll get over it and move on. When I actually saw the look on their faces, it actually like broke me even more because I was like, oh, okay, I get it now. Like I understand what you mean by it is selfish, because at that point, like I said, I was just thinking, like, yo, I'm the one struggling dealing with this. You don't have to fucking deal with this. I do. But then seeing, like, oh, me not being here would leave a hole in your life and would make you feel a type of way and would make you very upset and hurt you. So it's like that was kind of a reality check for me. And then it and that was just two of my closest friends. I didn't even talk to my little brother and my parents about it yet. So I was then just kind of dreading like what that conversation would kind of be like. Um, so it it was it was twofold. It actually made me feel worse for a bit, but then it also made me feel relieved too that like okay, somebody does care, and like, okay, I can say this and and I can get this out. Um, and then you know, like I had I had to talk to my boss at the time about it because I needed time off work. I know so like there was just, you know, it it was really layered um and heavy.
SPEAKER_02Um, I mean, it's beautiful. It reminds me of like why I stayed too. I my first suicide attempt was at 13. And um after that, I saw my brother's face as well. And I was like, oh, my little brother Justin, who actually took his life. And I was like, I made a promise to myself. I'm like, I'm not gonna do that to him. I'm not gonna do that. And in fact, the last time that I saw Justin was at my dad's funeral, and we were looking at each other and we were, we knew we were both thinking about it because like it just messes with your head so bad. And we shook on it. It was like, I looked at him and I said, You don't do this. And he said, You don't do this. And we literally shook on it. And I held on for from like 13 to you know 30. You know, I held on for so many years because I was like, I could never do that to my brother, you know? Um, then after they passed away, um, I was just like, Well, what the hell do I well shoot? Those are the two people that grounded me to this earth. So, like, I know what you mean when you say that. Um, that's heavy, so heavy, like you said. Um, I'm so glad that you're here. I'm so happy that you're here.
SPEAKER_01I'm so glad that you're here too. You're doing amazing things. It's a miracle. I yeah, honestly, like like that's the way like I try to look at it. It's like, yo, there's a reason why I came out the other side of it when, you know, every 40 seconds somebody takes their own line, right? So, like, for me to not become the statistic, um, and this is something that I that I bel that I've come to believe because I feel like I have because I have to. Um, there's a reason why I came out the other side of it. There's a reason why I went through everything I went through. If not, I'm gonna be super pissed off that this is this is life, this is what I'm going through. Like, what this human experience fucking sucks. So to not feel like that and to not be miserable all the time, I have to believe that there's a reason why I went through it. And that's what actually keeps me motivated to keep doing the things that I do. It's like, okay, well, now I have a purpose, right? So even on days where I don't want to do shit, like, well, we have a deadline. Well, but like, I think that's the thing. It's like, we've come to this point and place where we need to make this conversation more open. But I also understand that I still am a human being who has to function in society, who has to get shit done to continue doing the things that I'm doing. What I'm taking on is not a small feat by anything. Like, we we want to take a minister soon and make it a global project. I would love to perform all over the world and speak on all the things I'm doing. To do that as a high-functioning person, even if I'm depressed, even if I'm anxious, even if I'm sad, I still have to find ways to still get to show up on the days that are hard. Yeah, and I think that, and I think that's like where we're we're kind of missing something, right? Because there's people that because like I think we've come to this place where it's a lot more easier to talk about it and we do want to advocate for mental health, but then there's people that kind of use it as an excuse to not show up. To not show up, and it's like, well, you can't like like there we have to find this line, and I don't know exactly what that line is. But like every person, I'm so with you on this.
SPEAKER_02Like I pushed through everything today to be here. Yeah, like as you know, as you know, like uh I I found out on Friday, you know, I'm having a baby, she's gonna be in the NICU, like, you know, all this stuff is like happening so quickly. But I was like, I will feel worse if I don't show up. Like I need to show up, and like this matters to me. But yes, we can make an excuse and I could have wallowed in it and I've kind of like stayed home and cried and canceled my whole day, but ultimately I would feel defeated. And then that makes me myself like just I just feel worse about it. But at the same time, there's other times where it's like, holy shit, it's okay to take a break. Like, you know, and I think it's like, I think it's just like finding that balance, you know.
Rewiring The Brain And Setting Boundaries
SPEAKER_01Well, like I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I don't know the line either.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I literally, because like I'm someone who's so busy all the time, especially like throughout times of the year. Um, like I'm I'm still in the festival world, right? I'm still doing a lot of these festivals. I've I've backed off a bit and I have a I have a great team underneath me. But right now I pay for everything on my nonprofit, right? I fund the whole thing. So I have 10 people that work on the nonprofit. We have we have the podcast, we have the events. Everything I've like, yes, I get now I get donations. I have people that do help out, but I now have to make up the difference places. So it's like I still have to do it. I I'm very grateful for my festival job, but I'm exhausted and over it. It's not the space that I want to be in, but I understand that I have to do that to then be able to do this. So I suck it up on a little bit.
SPEAKER_02I like 100%. I mean, I took my own money, I started the nonprofit. I was fortunate to, you know, do some events and have some fundraising. And uh, we're kind of floating off of that right now, too. But um, and you know, that's why I talked about the whole branding with like you know, suicide prevention. People don't want to use the word suicide, so kind of rebranding the same thing. But it it is it is heavy, it's a lot, and we're one person, but that's why we need support, we need help, we need community, we need people to come together.
SPEAKER_01Um, I also think we need these corporations to help out too, because like I hate the fact that you know, you use the word suicide, it's like on the algorithms, it will just like it'll completely block you because they don't want that out there. It's a sad thing. It's a sad fucking thing. But how come because I talk about it now you're going to kind of blackball me and on the internet you're not gonna push my stuff because I speak on it. And like I hate people like, oh, well, the more the more you talk about it, the more people you're given the idea to do it. I'm like, are you even fucking listening to what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, it's because it because it makes you uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, yeah, that's that's a total myth. Like one of the things um in the earlier episodes, we talk about like how to how to talk about suicide safely. And that's kind of what AFSP uh really helped me understand. It's like, you don't be afraid to actively ask someone, like, hey, are you struggling with thoughts of suicide? Because you may be the only person that asks them. And um, when I was speaking to college students, I was like, all right, let's let's kind of like jump out of the box. Let's be a little bit more bold here. I want you to ask her, are you struggling with thoughts of suicide? Just even in like a class setting, like practicing, like, hey, are you struggling with thoughts of suicide? Are you thinking about killing yourself? Do you have an active plan? What's going on? Like, this is the type of education that should actually be in schools and every single school.
SPEAKER_01That would have been helpful in health class besides putting a condom on a banana, which wasn't really helpful.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. And it's getting better. It's getting better. I mean, there's like 988 on the back of every student ID now and things like that. Um, but we're just scratched the surface, you know?
SPEAKER_01And I think people need to realize the differences, there's differences between suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideations, and then so and then having a plan. Like, because honestly, I there's a lot of people that I know that I'm like, yeah, I've had thoughts about suicide. And it's like, it's crossed your mind because you're having a hard day and it's talked about more often. So I think way more people talk about it than way more people think about it than anybody would like to admit. I think way more people have more deeper thoughts and ideations about it than people want to admit.
SPEAKER_02Because, you know, the stigma, you don't want to look weak, you don't want to lose your job, you don't, you know, especially if you're like a high-performing individual in a corporate setting. We had um uh, we did one punk podcast, um, mental health in the corporate world. And like, what does that look like? You know, we're in Walmart, Walmart land over here. We've got Walmart, JB Hunt, Tyson, all these big corporations. So I have a lot of executives in my chair, um, you know, working on, you know, international projects, flying to China, you know, just all kinds of stuff. And um, you know, the cool thing is Walmart does care about mental health though. And they are starting to talk about it and open up more about it. Um so I'm I'm excited to see the change, but like I said, we're just kind of scratching the surface. And so, but hopefully we can get like more support. Um let's see, what other questions do I have? Oh, how do you believe? Because I know we talked about neuroplasticity, and that's one of the reasons why I opened up just in time. So I kind of want to talk about um this. How do you believe neuroplasticity or the ability to rewire your brain played a role in your healing?
SPEAKER_01Um, big time. Um, I think there um Dr. Joe Dispenza is somebody that I listen to quite often. Um, done I've done his courses, I've done a lot of his meditations. Um, I think rewired the brain, it's and it's something that people want to do, like thing happens instantly. It's like you have to, like when people say meditate every day or journal every day, like that's part of neuroplasticity. There is neurofeedback. When I was in rehab, there was a thing that I went to every day that I sat on with like all these things that were you know shooting like electromagnetic electromagnetic waves into my brain to help me to kind of help with the serotonin boost and things along those lines. So I think there is a lot of it because it is rewiring your brain, right? Like my brain automatically goes negative, right? It's so hard for me to build up momentum, but it is so easy for me to spiral out. And it's like a snowball effect. Once one thing inconveniences me, I roll down that hill. So it's like having the ability to stop and rewire my brain through those little actions of um, you know, setting myself up for so you know, every morning I love to wake up, have my muffin and my coffee, just kind of sit and chill, listen to some music. Um, then I'll do my meditating and journaling and things along those lines. Um, and then like I said, I do things like um, you know, I go to the uh Joe Dispensary retreats.
SPEAKER_00And it's not feeling guilty.
SPEAKER_01Like, I try like back in the day I used to feel guilty about it. Now, like if I have to cancel all my friends and be like, yo, I just like I said, like, I just don't have the ability to people today. And most of my friends are like, yeah, I get it, all good. Like, we can reschedule things along those lines, like, you know, nobody gets upset with me, but also I'm at a point where like, if you're if you're the friend who's mad at me because I'm having a really shitty mental health day and I'm prioritizing that instead of dinner with you. Yeah, yeah. You know?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's good to finally get there. I think that's important because you know, a lot of people just want to say yes, and you don't want to be flaky, and you don't want to be this, and you don't want to be that. And like, there's the friends that like always slake on you and you know they're not reliable, and you're just like, oh my gosh, like girl, get it together. But then like there's times where it's like, hey, my social meter is like completely tanked. I've got nothing left to give. I'm so sorry. Like those conversations are different, they just hit people differently. And you're right. If they don't understand that, they're probably not, you know, good fit for your life. Yeah, yeah, they're not your people. Exactly.
Where To Follow Support And Donate
SPEAKER_02Um, well, thank you for your honesty and for sharing your story so openly. Um I I hope a lot of people listen to this and go and follow you um, the mind's pursuit, you guys. It comes out July 10th. Um, these conversations matter and they remind us, they remind people that we're not alone and that change is possible. And if you're listening today and you're struggling, just know this that your brain can change, your story isn't over, and there is a path forward. And this is exactly why we do what we do. Um, from you know, darkness, there's always a way back to hope. And Mikey and I, we are a walking testimony of that. I think it's probably a miracle that we're both here today. And um, I'm I'm just so grateful. Is there anything else? Like, do you want to like just tell all the listeners where they can go to follow, support, and donate to support your cause, nonprofit, everything you're doing?
SPEAKER_01Um, I'm uh at Mikey Tailman at all platforms, you know, uh TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, all that type of stuff. Um, myspursuit.org is the website where it tells you everything all about the foundation, gives you a place to donate. Um, chaos controlled podcast is on YouTube. We have another show coming out called Conversation with the Boys in June for Men's Mental Health Award this month. I saw that, which is a uh a men's mental health platform where we have very open conversation with with uh all different types of men through walks of life to show that we're all kind of dealing with something similar. So we should be able to talk about it. Um we've put a lot into that show. I'm very excited about it. Uh that's gonna be huge.
SPEAKER_02That's gonna be huge.
SPEAKER_01Comes out in June. Um, the book and the album, My Madic Maze, come out in July. And then uh, you know, if you're in the LA area, we do a lot of um, we have a lot of events coming up. Um, we have an event June 13th at the Peppermint Club um called the Alchemy Presents, where we bring in a lot of up-and-coming artists um to showcase. And the concept is they get on stage and they talk for a little bit about a dark time that they had, how they use that dark time as an advocacy to create art, and how that art can inspire other people and to create something beautiful to now share with the world. Um, so we have a lot of events like that, mixtures, meetups, and stuff. So just always uh stay on it, the Amazers page, um, chaos controlled. It was just our regular podcast, which will be coming out season four uh this summer. Um, that you can find on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music. Um, so there's always a lot going on on my end, and I'm one of those people who can't sit still, but I've been able to figure out how to channel it into something positive that that, you know, to try to help to make the world a better place.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, you're doing God's work, and I'm so happy that, you know, there's people out there like you. Um, I don't know anybody else like you that's doing it the way you're doing it and talking about it. I think you're so brave and courageous, and you inspire me and just in time to keep moving forward and and do what we're doing. So thank you so much, Mikey. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, and good luck to you. On uh, and then congratulations on the baby. You'll be a month. I know, right? You'll be uh you'll be a new mother come Thursday.
SPEAKER_02Exactly, Thursday, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's amazing.
SPEAKER_02It's wild. It's a bull ride. All right. Well, you guys know where to find us, uh, and that's it for today. Thank you. If you're struggling, remember how you think is how you feel. If your feelings feel heavy, start by shifting the thought. You're not stuck, your brain can change, so can your story. I'm Jessica G. This is the Justin Time Podcast, and I'll see you next time. Until then, keep going. Never give up. And remember, the world is better with you in it, whether you believe it or not. To help reach others, please share this with your friends, family, and don't forget to like, subscribe, and donate.