Bullied by Women in a Bills Mafia Group — Trauma Nurse Heidi's Story | Trauma Rock Stars™

When trauma nurse Heidi posted a fun photo in a Bills Mafia women's group, she never expected what came next — anonymous attacks, body shaming, and a wave of cruelty from women who should have been cheering her on. 💙

In this raw and powerful episode of Trauma Rock Stars™, host Tracy sits down with Heidi to talk about adult bullying on social media, body image, the courage it takes to show up anyway — and why anonymous cruelty says everything about the bully and nothing about you.

Whether you've been bullied online, watched it happen to someone else, or maybe even been guilty of a snarky comment yourself — this episode is for YOU.

Go Bills. Be a buddy, not a bully. 🏈

🧠 In This Episode You'll Learn:

• Why adult bullying on social media is more damaging than people admit
• How anonymous cruelty reflects the bully — not the victim
• What 15 years as a trauma nurse taught Heidi about the power of words
• How to handle online attacks with grace and strength
• Why we need to teach the next generation to be upstanders — not bystanders

💡 Key Takeaways: Anonymous cruelty says everything about the person posting it — and nothing about you. Your healing is worth protecting. 💙

0:00 — Welcome & Intro — How Heidi Became a Bills Fan
2:21 — What Prompted This Episode — The Post That Started It All
5:00 — The Photo, the Boudoir Shoot & the Backlash
8:00 — Anonymous Bullying — Why It's Still Bullying
11:44 — Trauma, Grace & Why Words Can Devastate
13:47 — Just Keep Scrolling — Don't Yuck Someone's Yum
16:08 — Supporting Small Businesses & Local Love
18:26 — Adult Bullying — We're Not in High School Anymore
20:35 — Heidi Fights Back — Why She Reposted
22:31 — Body Image, Burns & Building Confidence
24:41 — How to Handle It Constructively
26:44 — Teaching the Next Generation to Be Upstanders
29:00 — Protecting Kids from Social Media Bullying
31:14 — What's Going On Inside You Is What You Put Out
33:25 — 15 Years in Trauma — How Heidi Copes
35:50 — Relationship Goals — 18 Years & Still Newlyweds
39:30 — The Bills Game Experience in Buffalo
41:30 — Buffalo Food Tour — Wings, Ted's, Duff's & Wegmans
47:25 — Decompressing After Trauma Nursing Shifts
50:00 — A Message of Gratitude to Healthcare Workers
52:16 — Final Thoughts — Find Your Happiness & Be a Buddy

🎸 Take the FREE Trauma Rock Stars™ Life Audit™: 👉 https://form.typeform.com/to/qeZfPouw Find out exactly where you are on your healing journey in less than 5 minutes. Your personalized Rock Star 30™ guide is waiting for you on the other side.

💬 Drop "BUDDY" in the comments if you stand against online bullying!

That's Rock Star Resilience™

🎙️ Connect with Heidi: 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heidi.kleinwillis

🛍️ Bills Gear by Abigail Lee: https://byabigaillee.com/

🎙️ Listen & Connect with Trauma Rock Stars™: ▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TraumaRockStars 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/traumarockstars 📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/traumarockstars 🌐 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@traumarockstars 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracysmaldino 🔗 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/traumarockstars 🌐 Website: https://traumarockstars.com

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Bills Mafia bullying, adult bullying, online bullying, body shaming, social media bullying, women bullying women, cyberbullying, Buffalo Bills, trauma nurse, body image, anonymous bullying, women empowerment, trauma healing, mental health, be a buddy not a bully, trauma rock stars, rock star resilience, Tracy Smaldino, Heidi trauma nurse, upstanders 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I want to welcome everybody to this episode. This is going to be a very raw and important topic that we're going to talk about. And Heidi is like an incredible woman. And this prompted this discussion because I felt like when this all happened, it was really important that we address this. And we're both go Bills. We're both Buffalo Bills. Buffalo Bills fans. Woohoo! And um she is actually um, you don't live in Buffalo.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

No, North Dakota.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

You're in North Dakota, but you are a Bills fan. Do you want to explain to all us fellow, you know, Bills fans how you became a Bills fan? Because we love all our Bills fans that are all over the country and the world.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

So my husband was and and is, not was, is an NDSU fan. Our son actually played football for NDSU, but he was a big Phil Hansen fan. And then when Phil Hansen moved to Buffalo, he needed a team he didn't want to follow, you know, the Midwest thing, like be a Vikings fan or Bears fan or Packers fan. So he's like, nope, I think I'm gonna follow Buffalo. And so I just kind of married into it, but I love everything about Buffalo. I've only been there once, but no, I've been there twice. But I need to get back as much as possible. It's so much fun there.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

You just went this past season, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yep. We went uh, I think the December 10th game. It was so much fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Yeah. And I we love that. Like, that's one thing I will have to say about Buffalo fans. We are like we love like all our fans. Like we are just a really good fan base. We're well, we're known to be very kind and welcoming people. Buffalo, I am, you know, I'm from Buck, Buffalo, New York, originally. Um, and we're called the city of good neighbors because there's a reason for that. Like we're just really good, kind people from Buffalo. What prompted this interview, I just want to give everybody a high level, is there's a couple Bills fan pages on social media that were all on because we're just like Psycho Bills fans. So we're Bills all year long. And no matter what happens, we're Bills fans, no matter what happens in the season, as heartbreaking as it can be, we still are loyal. You posted something on one of the the fan pages, and it was absolutely beautiful, I thought, what you posted. Um, as a woman and things like that, I thought it was so vulnerable for you to post what you posted. You were a huge inspiration to me seeing that, and um, there were not so kind comments that followed. To be honest, I was completely shocked to see them only because of how our reputation is. Like, and us women, we're supposed to be supporting each other and lifting each other up, and especially the way our fan base is and just the way people from Buffalo are in general. It was pretty shocking to see some of the comments that were posted, Heidi. And I think they might have upset me more than they did you because I reached out to you and I was like, this cannot happen. Like, we need to be supporting each other no matter what. And you never ever ever know what people are going through. So to make negative comments, like we learned growing up, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And when we're younger, we all make this mistake. We could all our moments where we've been catty or bitchy or cruel or whatever. But when you get to be an adult and you mature, that should stop. And for people to hide behind social media and post the things that they were posting, I just want to say shame on them because we all are going through things and you just don't know how that's gonna affect other people. And I personally would never ever ever body shame anybody, especially with the beautiful content that you had posted. It was amazing. And do you want to just go into a little bit of what happened and how that all, you know, kind of unfolded? It was pretty shocking.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

So I actually, my husband had done a TikTok about us going to Buffalo and was kind of asking, like, for where should we go eat? Like, what are the must-do's, all of that sort of stuff. And there was a woman who commented on there, hey, you should have your wife join this social media platform. It's just for women, which I love because I'm a big advocate for women just supporting women no matter what, and just you're there to lift each other up, not break each other down. One of the first things that I had posted was that I was gonna do this boudoir shoot and wanted something kind of sexy, buffalo-ish, and that's where we got these super cute.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yes, and you inspired me to get my shirt, and I love it, love it. So many compliments, and I'll I'll post where we got it for people that may not already know. I'll go ahead and post Abigail's website where we got it, but yep.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

So somebody posted Abigail's website, and I thought they're like, oh no, this is super cute. It's Lacey feminine. So the whole posting of the finished product was because I was just trying to reach out and say, Hey, I got this idea for this boudoir shot, what to wear from one of the babes. So I just kind of wanted to put it out there, like, okay, this is this is the picture. And I'd even like, you know, kind of cropped the picture a bit. So my legs weren't in there, but it was this top with a blue bra underneath it, and then my my husband, and the only reason why I would posted it was just like, hey, here's the success, here's the result. I know a lot of people commented on my original post and said, Oh, I would be interested in doing something like that as well.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

And then just the backlash of um, this is inappropriate for this site, this isn't something that should be put up here. And the biggest thing is that all the comments were anonymous. So being able to anonymously try to put somebody else down is ridiculous. You'd never come up to my face and say, This is what are you doing? This is ridiculous. Like, I'm a very strong person. But then if you took somebody who isn't quite as emotionally established, could have very like dire effects on their reaction. I took the post down and then I reposted it later and kind of explained why I took it down. I have a very sharp tongue and I didn't want to start cutting down other women. So I was like, nope, nope, it's time to walk away from that for a little bit. We can come and revisit it after so. But there was so much reaching out from people. I know that the moderators for that group did kick a lot of people out. They're like, this is completely unacceptable. Like, you're just shaming somebody who simply posted it because I wanted to let people know where the jersey came from, like how things turned out. And honest to God, if you're gonna take a woman who's wearing a shirt that's kind of see-through with a blue bra and put it in a group that's just for women, and then just say bad shit about it, is like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Yeah, and these so these shirts are adorable, just so everybody knows. They're lace and they are sheer. So you could wear like you had a blue bra underneath, I have a tank top underneath mine, you could do a bralette. I mean, you can you can wear it as a crop. I mean, it it is adorable. And your post was so tasteful with your husband. And you know, I just loved it, and it was such a great idea. And that's the thing that was so upsetting is the anonymous posts. And you had amazing positive posts too. So I don't, I don't want, I don't want people to think like there were there was a lot of great positive feedback out there and a lot of lovely ladies that had some really nice things to say, including myself. The I I just I wanted to do a show on this because no, my show's about trauma, but I don't think people realize whether you're anonymous or not, I people that have opinions that don't hide behind the anonymous option, think, you know, give them credit because they're you know, they're they're putting who they are out there and this and that. But to be out and out cruel about something and um to hide behind that, we're we're all better than that. And people have bad days. Get it. Things trigger all of us, like maybe, maybe people got triggered, you know, maybe whatever, whatever the instance was, it still wasn't right. And I give them and I know that the moderators were on top of it, and I I give them a lot of credit for that because it is unacceptable behavior.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

And especially when you look at, I mean, just when you become an adult, you stop using certain words, you stop, you know, shaming anybody for whatever. I think nowadays with the social media aspect of it, like to put anonymous and on other posts, I will call people out and be like, hey, it's really nice of you to have that opinion about somebody else, but then a comment anonymously so that we don't know who you are. Like, are you just there? Are just the trolls that just want to and are miserable people, and it's like this is what makes you feel better. Okay, that's cool, not for me. But you cutting somebody else down for some reason does something for you, that's kind of sad, really sad, actually.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Especially, I mean, you don't know a lot of the the women on this site, like we don't know each other. Some of us do, some of us don't, you know, because like I I grew I grew up in Buffalo, I'm from there, so some some you know, I have a lot of friends on there and things like that, people I know, acquaintances even, but to it's supposed to be positive. And I think I I want people to understand, like my show is about trauma and it's a and it's about everything trauma. So this is important to talk about because again, you never know what people are going through, and you handled it, Heidi, with such grace. Like when I reached out to you and you replied back to me right away, and you were like, I'm totally fine, you know, not a big deal. I was like, but it's a big deal to me. I think it was a bigger deal to me than it was to you because I I feel like I was very, very disappointed, almost like disgusted to be quite honest, that women would be like that. And I want to encourage those women, like we're all on a journey. I hope I like to say, and I've done almost uh I've got almost a hundred episodes coming out with the show. And I feel like everybody really just at the end of the day wants to do the right thing, wants to be a good person, and wants to kind of work on being the best version of themselves, but you can't do that and expect that negative energy to be put out there and it not to affect people. And this affected people that didn't affect you, that like that you don't even know, like me. And um, and I just I I I feel like this day and age, like there's so much going on in the world, like you said, on all women's group, we should we should be there for each other and be cheering each other. If there's something that is posted that's that offends you for whatever reason, because we don't know, you know, what what is going on in other people's lives and what might trigger them, just pass it, you know?

SPEAKER_00 12:05

It's so easy, you would think. I mean, you would think so easy just to keep scrolling. But people feel the need to that offends me, that does this. Just don't yuck somebody else's yum. Like, just let it be. It there's it doesn't do anything else for you to to cut somebody else down unless that really makes you feel good, which in which case, like I said, probably need some counseling. But we had kind of talked about before, it's like I wonder, like with these these Bills fans, it's like, does your partners know what you're like or what you say? For this weekend, I had asked to see a picture of somebody's ex-wife just because their son is beautiful, but I'm like, he looks nothing like his dad. I was like, what does mom look like? And I was like, oh my god, she's beautiful. But somebody was like, she's beautiful until you talk to her. And it's kind of like that. Like, if you would just spew so much hatred and self-doubt, you can be the most beautiful, attractive person on the outside, but it's not somebody that I'm going to associate myself with. I just don't like the negative energy. Life is way too short. Go out, have fun, do your thing, embrace who you are. I've always been that way. Even back when I weighed, you know, 120 pounds in high school, I didn't have a set group of friends. I wasn't like, oh, but can't be friends with you because you're hefty or can't be friends with you for any other reason. It's just like, nope, I didn't really have a group, just kind of bounced between everybody because it's life is way too short just to lock yourself down and to try to fit in this one little pot.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

And another thing, too, Heidi, with your post, um you were actually helping promote a local business. Like this business that makes these shirts, like she's a local business, and that was that was a great plug for you. If it wasn't for you, I would never have even known about these jerseys and this shirt.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

So many people messaged to say, Where did you get that? I need one.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Like, and I messaged that Yeah, I wear this to everybody, like we we go like near where I live. Um, there's a Bills Backers bar right down the street, and I wear this all the time. And tons of people have asked me where I got it, and it's because of you, and I've referred her, and that is helping another local business, and so many, so many small businesses are struggling, and you see them, they're closing every single day. And and that was just an another plug for them to help build their business too. And I mean, you were rocking the shirt in this picture, there was no doubt about it. I mean, you look so confident, and and I think that, like you said, like to have to even feel that pain and that, you know, your stomach must have just been awful. And to think, like, maybe I need to go for counseling. Like, this has affected me. It affects like we all, every single one of us, even Cindy Crawford probably has body image issues, you know. We all do, and we're our biggest critics and our worst, our worst critics actually. We're all so hard on ourselves that this, I mean, you you've handled it with so much grace. So you're awesome. And I mean, we're all proud to have you part of Bill's Mafia. Um, you and your husband. I I want to talk. I I just wanted to do an episode about this because everybody is trying to put themselves out there. I think at the end of the day, we all are struggling, but we all want to also inspire each other, and that's why I'm doing the show. Because if I can help one person, that is all I care about. Like, if I and I've had so many people message me, but I'm just like doing this. So if I can help one person who's struggling, that's all I care about. Like I did my job. So I just I feel, and it's this isn't just this instance. You see this so much, and you're you're quite a bit younger than I am. But when when you get to middle age, especially, you don't expect this. This is something you expect in high school. So, all you out there, if you might be listening to this and you did comment on Heidi's post, um, you know, please just look within. And I I feel like if somebody had done that to you, if you put yourself out there and just want to be put in a fun post with this group because it's supposed to be fun and lighthearted, and then somebody puts you down, think how that would make you feel, or if it was a loved one, and we don't even know each other, and my heart was breaking for you. That level of compassion, I expect that from every, every, every single person from Buffalo, especially Bill's Mafia, because we have such a strong, supportive, loving fan base, and we support other teams. We're rooting, we're the first one to root and help other teams when they're struggling, you know. I think you've probably and I I think it's very brave that you reposted it because that I know when you're like, I had to take it down, and I was like, I don't blame you for taking it down, but to the fact that you put it back up, I don't know if I would have done that, and that takes so much bravery and courage. And I think that you're gonna inspire so many people to do that. Where does that come from?

SPEAKER_00 17:30

I think just with my job and like seeing uh actually seeing people that go through, you know, so much physical trauma. I'm a trauma nurse, so I think that just kind of reaching deep because it's like this is something that can either it can either do two things. You can either let it really bother you, take it down, but then I feel like, but then the haters win, right? So they win, the post got removed. All I did was revamp it and say exactly why it was there. Um, I think I had hundreds of messages sent to me privately. I responded to everybody, made sure to respond to everybody individually. When I posted the second time, anybody that commented or liked or whatever, I sent them just a thank you, thank you for the support. Like women should be up, women not tearing them down. I do know that the moderators did kick a lot of people out. They're like, Nope, you're banned. So just I mean, I think everybody needs to keep in mind that just because it says anonymous, somebody somewhere knows who you are. Every group has a moderator and they can still see who you are. So you're not really getting away with anything other than I don't know, being a shitty person outwardly. I don't know. I think everybody just needs to do better. And as far as reposting it, like I said, like I'm not gonna let I'm not gonna let the haters win. So it's nope, it's just going back up, it's not going, I'm not gonna take it down and let people that are offended by some, I don't know, some chubbiness, which is so strange. Like, why it's skin?

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Like it and we all have chubbiness everywhere, somewhere at our bodies. And if you don't, if you're like in the percentile that you have like hardly any body fat, you know what? Good for you, and I support you, and you rocket, and you probably work really hard for that, but that's not the majority, and we all have we all have body fat, body image issues. I mean, I you know, I was in an accident, I was burned on 70% of my body when I was little. I have a lot of body image issues, and I'm just now in my age, now that I'm, you know, in midlife, I guess, getting more confident with my body. But to to be able to do that and put myself out there and then be torn down, even when I'm like, I feel more confident now than I ever did my entire life, and now you're putting that down for me when I've worked so hard to build that, to build what I'm seeing in the mirror back and to liking and loving that, you know, I think those people need to take a good look in the mirror themselves. Yeah, absolutely. And and and I'm not trying to put them down because I know I'm sure they're struggling with their own things as well. And, you know, if if one of those people, those anonymous people, like list, I hope they see this and maybe they come forward and they are brave enough to say, Heidi, you know what? I d I made this comment and I am so sorry. I guess I don't realize like how my words can affect somebody like that. I would give them so much credit in the world.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

I would think is instead of saying something, you know, negative about something, like if you have an issue with it, maybe just don't post anonymously and just ask the question. Like, hey, I'm just confused about why why did you post this in the group and like let somebody else respond to that? And it's not saying that, you know, you're for making these these nasty comments, but if you're struggling with something yourself, then reach out, send me a message, do whatever, and I'll be like, okay, like I I'll explain why the post is there. Like, we don't need to be, you know, teenagers about it because we're all far past that as, or at least I think we're not in high school anymore.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Yeah. And I think too, the option would have been if they they really wanted to say something, they could have messaged you even privately or put it on there as an open dialogue in a constructive so everybody else, including myself, could have we could have had a conversation about it. Like, let's all educate each other and maybe explain the reasons why. And you never know who you're gonna, like I said, inspire.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Right. And I like I said, I'm in a lot of women groups. So one of them is actually um the Bedar group from the photographer that took the picture, and that's a woman's only group. And that one is, I think I get a lot of the strength from there, just like because that is. All positivity. Like I said, you can't yuck somebody else's gum. If you do, you know, then you're out of that group. So it's kind of like, nope, lift each other up. People will post pictures on there, you know, where they're almost completely naked. And it's just like, okay, but then everybody comments like you're beautiful. Like they'll say something, I don't really like this scar, or there's cellulite here. Like, but it's like, look past that. Like everybody has it. That is completely 100% normal and natural for somebody to have. And so stop putting it down and just embrace that. Like there's so much like body dysmorphia that happens. And I just the way that people react to it and the way that it really affects people is is sad and it can be, you know, devastating to their life. So it's time to stop all that.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

And in those and people that do this, and you know, I don't know if they're their parents themselves or like myself, I have my niece. Like, I am trying to and still, and my niece and my brother is like totally on board with this too. Like, you need to fight for stick up for others that don't have the strength to stick up for themselves. You need to fight for others who don't have the strength to fight for themselves. Like, you need to be a cheerleader to your generation and you know, just because you weren't doing anything, there was nothing negative about it at all. Like I said, I thought it was really awesome. Like you, you, I'm like, that's a rock star, you know, right there. Yeah, and you have every permission or whatever you want to use that picture. But I mean, you truly are like a rock star, like posting that, like it was so inspirational. I think you said you had hundreds of people reach out to you, but it's so funny because you have those hundreds, but then it's those couple ones that are negative, that those are the ones that stand out that they just sting and they stand out in your in your mind. And I just nowadays, like with social media, like we were growing up, we didn't have social media, a lot of us growing up, and you know, and I thank God we didn't at the most most people were maybe talking shit about you behind your back. And if you maybe had a friend that told you or whatever, you know, what but other than that, like nine per nine out of ten, you didn't know, and you're what you don't know is better off, like what you don't know. But now people are so opinionated. How would you how would you like that if that was your sister, you know, your cousin, your best friend, whoever, to you know, to be doing that? Like, we need to start, and I'm not saying like I am far from perfect. There's time I have thoughts in my mind. Like, I'll see things and I'll have thoughts in my mind. Of course, we all do. I don't verbalize them, and I'm at the point now where I stop to think, okay, why am I thinking that? Because nine times out of ten, it comes back, it has to do with me. Right. It has nothing to do with you, it has to do with me and how I feel internally. Right. And you can have those internal thoughts too, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

It's but it's like internal, you're human. You're human. You just can't let them out. And it's funny because my two of my kids are out of the house, two of them are in high school. They don't the two in high school don't have social media, it's not allowed. Like they can't have Facebook, they can't have that's amazing. Instagram, they can't have Snapchat, can't have TikTok. They have their smartphones, like they can text their friends, they can talk to whoever, but their phones are like, you're gonna give me your phone if I ask to see it. They just don't need any bullying or any chances of somebody saying, like, oh, you post a picture, and then somebody's like, oh, look at this picture. Like, there's so much stuff. There's actually a big thing in Fargo with um some Snapchat kind of sexual stuff that happened at one of the high schools, and there's a big like FBI ring looking into it because it's just everything can be so shady right now. So I will say my kids are good at uh their term right now is be a buddy, not a bully. So I think everybody could learn from that.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

I love that. Be a buddy, not a bully. Because why are women are why are we labeled as bullies? Like nobody at our age, we know better. We should not be bullies anymore at our age. Like, and I want people like that are listening to this. I understand there's gonna be people out there that you don't like, there's gonna be people out there that rub you the wrong way, there's gonna be, you know, that's totally normal. Just just move on with your life.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

And then I just don't talk to those people.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

I don't yeah, don't associate with it.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

I don't, you know, and I know, like, okay, I'm I might work with you and that's fine, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to invite you to dinner, try to make things work. If I really just don't like your values, that that's fine. We can be different and that's okay. But I'm not gonna sit there and tear you down because A, B, and C that I don't like about you. I'm just gonna move on with my day. So I I think there's a lot of growing up that everybody has to do, and you can have your internal thoughts, and that's where they need to stay.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yeah, because at the end of the day, we are all going through something. We're all struggling with something. There is nobody that's got it all together that's perfect. Right. And um, and if there is, I want to know who you are and what the heck they're doing because I want whatever I want having. But there's very rarely like do we all have it together. We're all struggling, we're all going through stuff. Here's the deal like with life. And if there's one thing I know for sure, I know that what's going on in your life is a reflection of what's going on inside of you. So however you're feeling inside, that energy is what is being put out in the world and it is being reflected back to you. Okay. So I I want people like to realize like when you are seeing things like that, or you you are just keep it to yourself, honestly. If you can't cheer, zip it, just shut up. And you're you've worked in trauma. How many years have you been working in trauma? Um, 15. 15 years. You see every kind of trauma, probably. Are you in the ED? Yes. Okay, that's what I thought. I thought you said you were in the ED. So you see everything.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yep. And then I do pediatric and adult sexual assault nursing as so I see the whole spectrum of different traumas, physical, emotional, all of that. So when I put that into perspective from some of the things that I see, like, you know, words can absolutely hurt somebody, but it's like I can't I'm not gonna let that happen here because I've just seen the worst of the worst and really puts life into perspective, kind of like, okay, so you think that you had a bad day, but in my world, a bad day is something completely different. So I just kind of take that one, you know, and I I go with it, like, okay, you had a bad day, but it could be there's so many worse things that could happen. So let's just try to move along. And I'm the type of person I actually had a party bus and people started complaining about something, and I was like, nope, nope, we're not doing this. Like they were talking shit about something that I was like that wasn't there, and I was like, nope, nope, we're not doing this. This is a a fun time right now. Like, this is a tacky adult prom. Like, move along, get out of the bathroom, let's go. And they're like, fine.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

It's like and I think in all fairness, to, and I'm not trying to attack anybody. I just am trying to have an open conversation about this, honestly. But in all fairness, I I think a lot of people like maybe they're in a rut. Maybe they're they're just going through some really hard times, or maybe they're you know, they're just starting to maybe work on themselves or just realizing they need to work. A lot of people don't realize how negative they are. Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

And like, let me help you, like help me help you, like be happy to do that. Jerry Maguire.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Like just I am happy to I like to just see people flourish and just do so great. And I that's the life that I live, so that's what what I'm gonna still put out into the world, all the positive vibes in that way that I can. That's me.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

How was your feedback from your your closest support system with all of this?

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Oh, super great! Like, yeah, um, I have the best husband in the world, honestly. Like, he's so great.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Like, when you guys look so cute and happy, and you that picture, I was like, it was so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

We are. I mean, we just honestly are like newlyweds after 18 years of marriage. So it's it's incredible. Like, we just have the best relationship. And he was like, Okay, he's like, Yep, let's just do this with these comments. He's like, you know better. He's like, Okay, let's post you on post that same picture on a different platform that you know this is gonna sound bad. One that doesn't have women and see what kind of feedback you get because women are so mean to each other, it's so ridiculous. Like, you put that on one that has just men on it, you're not gonna receive one negative comment, is the problem. Like, you're like, oh no, like because if they don't like it, they just move along. So it's not they can't be bothered, yeah. Yeah, it's like just just do that, be like, be like that guy.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

No, okay, so I'm gonna shift gears here a little bit. So you just said 18 years and you're still newlyweds. What is your secret? We like each other.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Yeah, we go on dates, like we literally uh we go on a date once a week. Um, we try to go on a vacation. And when I say vacation, I mean like someplace drivable, but we'll just do like an Airbnb, preferably one like with an outdoor hot tub. We're really into that. Just get out of dodge, just get out of dodge, and then we just kind of disconnect from the world. We'll leave one phone on in case the kids need something, but they're all old enough to take care of themselves. So it's like, you know, when they're younger, things are a little bit more rocky because you're not you have to do all of the running around and getting in places, but within the past five years or so, it's like, and we have a boat, so we'll take that out just the two of us, take off a random Tuesday and just both float and fish. And if we just sit there and don't even say anything, but it's just like each other's comfort just to be with each other all the time. So we're just happier together. And if we kind of start getting a little nitpicky with each other, then we're like, okay, we need a date or something. Like we haven't been around each other. So instead of being apart to fix things, we're like, nope, nope, we gotta just reconnect back together. Reconnect.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Do you do you feel I heard something recently and it really stuck to me um like when when you get in arguments or every relation like all relationships take a lot of work, pick wisely because they're gonna consume a lot of your time and take a lot of work. But I I heard like when when couples fight, instead of fighting with each other, you're supposed to fight for each other. Now and that really stood out to me. And I actually told that to my boyfriend recently. I'm like, that just really makes so much sense because every decision we should make should be for each other. We we're all gonna argue and fight, you know, and bicker.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Not always easy, just as long as it's way more of the positive than the happiness than it is the the bickering and and arguing, which is completely normal. But as long as it's like, I don't know, for us it's 95 as far as 52 arguing, and also just realizing that relationships aren't 50-50. You know, maybe I have a terrible week. I only have 10 to give, so he needs to carry the other 90 and just know that you know, things can't be 50-50, it's never gonna be 50-50.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

It's not realistic. And we can't be a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time either. Like our cups are empty and like you know, full. It just fluctuates. Do you find like if you're having a bad week, you have to communicate that and let him know, or does he just know?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

He just knows. I'm actually leaving it, so I've been kind of quiet because I'm leaving for a trip and I'm not going with him, I'm going with my mom. So I'm just like, just kind of quiet. Because I'm like, I'm not gonna see you for a whole week. And he's like, Are you okay? And I was like, I'm fine. He's like, You're just really quiet. And I was like, just thinking. So he's like, Well, you haven't started packing yet, which is weird for you. So, you know, whatever you need to do. He's like, You'll go and you'll have fun. Just get there and and I will, I'll have fun no matter where I'm at.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

So that's awesome. How fun though that you're gonna have that time with your mom, though, too. Yep, that'll be fun. You know, I I think too, you after this happened is when you went to the Bills game, right? Yeah, you went to the Bills game after that happened, and you guys, you told me you had such an amazing positive experience there. Yep, which is great because I hope it made up for all the crap that happened in the post because it's it is such a great a Bills game, is the energy is like electrifying.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

I think I left my seat maybe one time. You're afraid you're gonna miss anything. I did, and I literally I stood like at the stop top of the stairs. I think I maybe had like two drinks during the game because I didn't want to go anywhere. Like I just wanted to stay in my little bubble and it was snowing the biggest snowflakes that day. It was just the best experience for a football game. Like we wore our ice fishing gear because it was cold outside, so nice warm boots and snow pants, and no, I don't think I wore snow pants because I bought a coat there at one of the stores that was like being in heaven because everything was Bill's stuff, and you don't get that in North Dakota. So, but I bought a coat that kind of went down to my knees, so I just wore my boots and some leggings, and then the coat kept me. I was so warm.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Have you seen Abigail's got like beautiful warm weather, weather Bill's stuff? Have you you got to look on her site because she's got some amazing, um amazing stuff? Were you was that the Kansas City game? The Bengals. Well, the Bengals game, okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Yeah, so that it was super exciting, and then everything happened. We were on the one end zone, so we just got to see so much stuff. It was so amazing. Did you were did you just go for the one night? We were there from we got there on Thursday and we left on Sunday. No, we left on Sunday, yeah, because it was a Sunday game.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Yeah, yep. Okay, so while you were was that your first time in Buffalo or your second?

SPEAKER_00 35:59

My second, the first time I just drove through going to Salem. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:03

So what did you guys do while you were there?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

We ate everything. We went to Barbill on Thursday night, which actually we had like a 10-minute wait. Like we didn't everybody's like, oh, the wait is so long. We just got super lucky. Really?

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Did you get the wings and the beef on whack and everything?

SPEAKER_00 36:18

We did, and then we went to which other wing places did we go to? One we happened to see by Wegmans. It wasn't on our list though, but we no, we did a hot dog place. Ted's Ted's. Yep. We did Anchor Bar. Okay. What the what it was another wing place that people are like, no, you need to eat there.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Besides Anchor Bar and Duff's and Garbell, I'm trying to think. I mean, there's so many. Maybe it was it was Duff's.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Yeah. It was. Yeah. Yep. But then honestly, the funny thing was like we love Wegmans because we don't have any grocery stores like that around here. So I miss that's the one thing about Buffalo I miss is I miss Wegmans. I uh it was so funny because we'd sit in our Airbnb and just play cards. Like it's night, like every place is busy. We'd do everything kind of during the day and then just kind of sit there. But we would to Wegmans and get like clam chowder was one thing. Oh, yeah. The I think there was a bisque that we got to like a crab bisque, and then just different mac and cheeses, like all of their food that they make there. Yeah. Sit there and have like a little buffet and play cards and have drinks and then write out our adventures for the next day and what we wanted to try.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

So our their subs are great. They have great subs at Wagmans next time you go.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

Yes. Well, yeah, they'll definitely be a next game time. And I'm just like, how do we get? I actually looked up like the closest to Wegmans to Fargo and I was like, it's Buffalo.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

It's Buffalo. They're starting to come down south a little bit. I think there's some in the Carolinas. They're slowly. I don't know if they'll ever come to Florida. I wish they would because there are so there's more Buffalo people here where I live than I've than I've met in Buffalo, to be honest. It's crazy. Like my boyfriend's like, does anybody still live there? Because every but we're like scattered all over the place. And like hardcore, though, we will never will always be Bill's Mafia people. If you go again, let me know. I'll give you some recommendations of some good restaurants to try. And that's what we like.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

We actually like did find some local people and are like, okay, what about what would where would you go locally that maybe everything on the, you know, this is recommended because it's it's barbell and everybody wants to go there, you know, when they're traveling. But where would you go? Yeah. That's fun to do too.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

Yeah, I've got some great local, local places that a lot of a lot of people, you know, probably wouldn't go to if they they weren't, you know, from that area. So next time, and I'm sure the the baits or anyone on on the social will tell you too. I mean, it's you know, probably did you stay downtown?

SPEAKER_00 38:43

No, we stayed in Lancaster. Oh, okay. Okay. Did you tailgate? We did it. We were going to, and then we will next time. We just kind of woke up a little late and then kind of by the time because we took a we took an Uber to the mall and then took the shuttle from there. So our timing with all of that, not realizing like how long things were gonna take, we're like, okay, that took a little bit longer than we thought. So then I wanted to just go inside and check out the stadium so bad that I was like, let's just go in.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

Well, I'm glad you saw it because you know, they're the new stadium will be this season, so it'll be that'll be really exciting. And next time you have to tailgate. I mean, that is that's the best part of all of it.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Yeah, and we're I mean, we're tailgators, like we have tailgating spots for the NDSU games, so we're we're big into tailgating here. It was just like, okay. I was like, I really want to go see inside just because that's the reason that we went was to see this, you know, before it was over.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

So well, and the tailgate, like if you go and to Buffalo, like you don't have to have your own tailgate, just walk around to other people's because other people just be like, come join us at ours, and you can just kind of tailgate hop around, and that's super fun. Good friends uh like of ours, they do a big party and they have a live band that plays at theirs, like before the games. It's and you can get tickets to that, and that's insane. And they have wings, they usually do a live rock band before. I yeah, and it's they have a really great organization, and it's all goes toward their fundraising for their organization, so that's a lot of fun too. So I'll let you look into that. They're called Wings of Hope, and they're in Orchard Park. But I will, you know, I'll talk to you. Just let me know because I need to go do a new game this year, too, with the new stadium. I'm I'm looking to do that too. Um, anyway, we're getting way off. Like, we could talk about bills and buffalo stuff forever, but I wanted to say, like, one thing with you, I wanted to ask you with working in trauma for all these years, it's gotta be really hard because it's got to, you gotta just come home being just mentally and emotionally drained from working in that environment. How do you, how do you cope? Because it's gotta, you've gotta get numb to it after a while.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

You do, but having kind of like your work family right there. And then when I get home, especially eight-hour shifts aren't so bad if it's a 12. I come home and I there's quota's big on like hanging out in your garage. I don't know why that's a thing, but how that's the same thing in Buffalo.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Everybody hangs out in their garages. You just go garage shopping.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Yeah, I love it. So I will sit in the garage and play just my numbing games like Candy Crush. Yeah. For like a half an hour to an hour before I kind of come in and interact with everybody. I'm gonna come and change my clothes because they're pretty gross. And then they kind of everybody just lets me be. They can kind of tell by my mood, like, okay, she just needs to go be alone, or maybe I just need a hug. Like, if I come home and I'm crying, then I definitely need a hug. Like, but there's different, yeah, different ways to go. Just kind of let your mind do something that doesn't take any thinking.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Yeah, aft I I do that. I find at night I need to watch like brainless something. Like, I I turn the hall, like I'll turn the Hallmark channel on sometimes. And I it's just like it's the same romance story for every show, pretty much, and you know they're gonna end up together at the end, and I don't need to think. I can just watch this cute story or just something brainless. And I said, as somebody who has I've been in in and out of hospital for many, many years because of all my surgeries and things like that. And I actually work in healthcare as well. And I always say it takes anybody that works in healthcare, period, first responders, but to work in trauma and hospice, those two fields take a very, very special person. What what you are doing is I thank you so much. Like when I was going through what I went through, I couldn't have gotten through it without the nurses. And the there's you know, you guys run the ERs, the nursing staff runs the ERs, and if you know, and the doctors know that the physicians know, you know, that you I hope they do at least. Yeah, they they know, and and I I think because I've always worked in teaching hospitals and and it's so it just warms my heart when I hear attendings with their, you know, residents, and they're like, listen to your nurses, they're who you're gonna learn from. And it just warms my heart when they say that because it's so true, and you are really in the front lines of it all. So thank you for that. And I can't imagine, like, I'm so glad that you've been able to rise above this and turn it into a positive. And I I really hope that you know I'm gonna share this on all the Buffalo pages and uh plus the regular channels, of course. But I I want to share this on all the Buffalo pages because I think so many people are going to remember this or not be aware of what happened with this. And I think it could just be a huge lesson because we all do things and not just for the the anonymous post, but we All do things in life that we regret, and we all do things that we can turn to other people, whether it's our kids or whoever your you know, niece, nephews, whoever, to give it this is a huge lesson, and I hope they take it as that and and turn it into a positive, and even the people that are listening that may have made a snarky comment, realizing how your words can hurt not just you, but other people reading it. It it can be very triggering, but especially for you, and and just look within and maybe do some internal work, you know, and try and find your happiness because we all deserve to be happy.

unknown 44:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 44:43

Yeah, I 100% agree. Find that it's so much better than being miserable. Well, and you handled this with so much grace, and I think you're gonna get a lot of positive feedback, and I think people are gonna maybe learn a little lesson, not trying to put anybody down. I just, you know, we've all been guilty of it, all of us, none of us are perfect, but this is a huge lesson, and um everybody learn from the kids and be a buddy, not a bully. Yeah, and I always say don't be a hate, be a participator.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

It's all great, it all works.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

It's all works. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for your vulnerability and your beautiful pictures and tell your husband hi and thank you too. And and this has been such a great conversation. I appreciate it. And if you like this episode, please comment and share below because we want to hear your comments and let's all support Heidi and each other and go, Bills. Go Bills. The content on this podcast revolves around personal life experiences and is meant to serve as a learning tool. I am not a certified therapist or medical expert. This podcast doesn't offer medical, psychological, or professional advice. If you're curious about your mental or physical well being, feel free to reach out to a licensed healthcare professional for assistance.