Feeling Lost? Coming Home to Your True Self After Grief & Trauma | Tara Wiskow

Have you ever felt completely lost — like you have no idea who you really are anymore? In this deeply moving episode of Trauma Rock Stars™, host Tracy sits down with Tara Wiskow, an intuitive energy healer and life-reinvention expert, who spent decades feeling disconnected from herself before finally coming home to who she truly is.

💗 A note before you listen: This episode includes an honest discussion of grief, disordered eating, and a moment of suicidal thoughts. If you're struggling, please reach out for support. In the US, you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or contact the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline at 1-866-662-1235. You are not alone.

Tara shares the family secret she uncovered at age eight, the years she spent shape-shifting to fit in, the profound grief of losing her biological father and later her sister — and the moment everything shifted when she stopped running and started listening. It's an honest, tender conversation about identity, grief, self-love, intuition, and the belief that the truest version of you was never lost — she's been waiting for you all along.

Whether you feel stuck, disconnected, or like you've lost yourself in everyone else's expectations, this conversation is an invitation to find your way back.

🧠 Questions We Explore in This Episode:

• What do you do when you feel completely lost and don't know who you are?

• How can grief become a turning point for reconnecting with yourself?

• What is "identity shifting," and how does it help you come home to yourself?

• What does it mean to meet your "higher self" in meditation?

• How do you start learning to love and trust yourself again?

 ❓ Quick FAQ:

Q: What do you do when you feel lost and don't know who you are?

A: In this episode Tara shares that feeling lost often comes from years of shaping yourself to fit others' expectations. Her path back began with small acts of self-love and learning to listen to her own inner voice — the sense that your authentic self is still there, waiting.

Q: What is identity shifting?

A: Tara describes identity shifting as releasing the masks and beliefs you've carried to fit in, and reconnecting with your most authentic self — the work that finally brought her "home" to who she really is.

Q: What does it mean to meet your higher self?

A: Tara and Tracy each describe a guided-meditation experience of connecting with a calm, loving inner presence — what they call the higher self — and how that moment opened the door to deeper intuition and healing.

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Find out exactly where you are on your healing journey in less than 5 minutes. Your personalized Rock Star 30™ guide is waiting for you on the other side.

 🌿 Connect with Tara Wiskow:

🌐 Website: https://tara-wiskow.com

✨ "She Rises" program: https://tara-wiskow.com/she-rises

💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tara-wiskow-610b4154/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BeTheChangeYouNeedToday

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tara.wiskow/

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Trauma Rock Stars™ is a safe, real, and empowering space for anyone navigating trauma recovery. Hosted by Tracy — survivor, advocate, and your biggest cheerleader.

⏱️ Chapters:

0:00 — Have you ever felt completely lost? Meet Tara

2:00 — The family secret revealed at age eight

4:30 — Shape-shifting to fit in & losing herself

6:00 — Meeting her biological father: "like looking in a mirror"

9:00 — Losing her dad & years of feeling disconnected

10:00 — Turning to food to cope through the pain

16:00 — A breaking point and the moment everything shifted

20:00 — Learning self-love, starting in the mirror

26:00 — Losing her sister Trisha & the signs that followed

30:00 — The "Identity Shifting" workshop & meeting her higher self

37:00 — Why your higher self has been waiting for you

44:00 — Intuition, energy & shadow work

46:00 — Trusting your gut: a story of being protected

53:00 — Meditation as a daily practice

55:00 — Tara's healing work with clients

59:00 — Closing: you were never lost — she's inside you

Resilience Podcast Series
We explore key challenges affecting civil society in Central and Eastern Europe.

Listen on:   Spotify

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, my friends, I have a question for you. Have you ever felt completely lost in life or that you don't know your identity? And you've got all these things going on and you have no idea who the heck you are. Well, this next guest that we have on today, she talks so much about how she found her path, how she found her purpose, even after being diagnosed with cancer. So we want to hear, and she's had quite the story. So I want to introduce everybody, Tara Whiskell. She is an intuitive energy healer as well as a life reinvention expert. And she speaks from so much experience. So, Tara, thank you so much. Welcome to Trauma Rock Stars.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Thank you, Tracy. It's so amazing to be here with you and to get to connect. Our very first conversation was amazing, and I've been looking forward to today.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

It was so amazing. And the listeners are going to benefit so much from hearing about your resilience because I think for anybody in life, especially, I mean, this the show is about trauma, of course. And but I think there's so many people that, even besides the trauma, have had several times in their lives where they felt lost. They didn't feel like they knew their purpose. They didn't know what path they should be on. They didn't even know like who they were as a human. I know myself have been there several times in my journey and not necessarily think it's not going to happen again. You know, I we I feel like every 10 years we kind of reinvent ourselves, you know, and as we're getting older, we're so much wiser, as they say. I hate to be so cliche about it, but let's start from the beginning because I know you struggled with your identity for years. So how long, how far back do you want to go?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

I think that it's really important to start when I was eight years old, really when the whole upheaval started, and where I started to shape shift and truly lost myself in trying to fit in and belong. And so at eight years old is when I accidentally found out a secret. It was a pretty big secret that had been kept from me. My aunt, she's cognitively delayed, and she came up to me on my eighth birthday, literally 40, 39 years ago. It's just my birthday, just turned 47. So 39 years ago, my aunt comes up to me and tells me that she saw my dad. She's like, Terra Lynn, I saw your dad today. And I said, Well, I know he's in the house. It was such an odd thing for her to say to me. And she said, Not your dad junior, silly. Your dad, Bruce. I didn't have a dad named Bruce. My dad was Junior. But there was this guy named Bruce that came to almost all of our family events, and he was there. So naturally, at eight years old, my gear started turning. And I thought, oh my gosh, that's my dad. And so I went in, ran to the house. My mom was mashing potatoes, the kitchen was full of all the adults that were there talking and laughing, and there's Bruce. And I just walk up to my mom and point across the room. I'm like, is that my dad? Literally, the entire room went stone dead silent. Like there wasn't a word. And the only thing that my mom could say was, get back outside. And I later learned that Bruce is not my dad. Not that Bruce anyway. Another Bruce was my dad. So stop it.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

So wait, were you traumatized or were you just like, mom? Like, how was your approach with her?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

At the moment, I was just curious. I was just curious about it. Almost like weirdly excited. I don't even know. You know, I think back to that time, I wasn't upset about it. I was just confused and curious. But her response to it, that made me feel like something was wrong. And at that moment, like the rest of my birthday party was just, I remember thinking something's wrong. Something's not okay. There's something that I need to be worried about. And after that, like months later, I started to connect with how different I was. Because here's the thing as like for those of you that can't see me, I have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. My mom and my dad junior and my two sisters, blonde hair and blue eyes. And we spent most of the time with my stepdad. He's my dad and always will be my dad. My stepdad's family, they're all blonde hair and blue eyes. So it's like Tara's the only brown haired one in this entire village that we're at. But I started to notice how different I was and the things that I ate and the things that I said, how I walked, what I thought was funny. All of these things were different. And so that truly, Tracy, is what started to traumatize me because I thought something was wrong with me. I couldn't change how I looked, but I could show up differently in how I talked and what I liked and how who I presented. So I tried to be them and I became this very quiet girl. I mean, you can feel my energy now. I'm like just this like crazy, quirky woman. I was that when I was a little girl. I was this odd little ball of fire. And all of a sudden I went into this very closed off, quiet, observant girl, like checking the boxes, making sure that I was doing all the things, being all the things. And that doesn't leave you. That stayed with me for years, up until two years ago, to be very honest.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah. When and at what point did you end up having a serious conversation with your mother about this? Like how long was it before it came back up?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

It was only, oh my gosh. Like, well, okay, so then the story continues to get odder. My grandma, my dad's mom, would always come up and they would always refer to her as Tara's grandma. I didn't get this until later. Then I realized this was my grandma because it was my my dad, my biological dad's mom. And so she would start coming up, and she more often, and she was asking me to go see him because he had cancer. And she was really avid about me going and visiting, go and spend time with him. He's got cancer, he's not going to make it. It took me four years. I was 12 when I finally went to meet him because I was terrified. My mom, my mom was afraid of losing me. So she did what any mom would do. I would probably have done the same thing, point out the things about him that weren't great in order to not encourage me to like him more than her. Right. And so I was terrified to go and meet him. And finally at 12, I was convinced by my by my grandma and I went with her. He lived five hours away. And so that was like really when I started to talk more around 12 when I was opening up to ask more questions, to get to know more and good be serious about it. And I'll never forget when we drove into the yard and I saw him. It was like looking in the mirror. Yeah. Unbelievable. I'm like, well, that's where my now I know who I look like.

unknown 6:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

And everything was the same. Like we were so alike. He had the honest laugh like I do. Like we're so much alike. It was just so incredibly crazy. But that also intensifies a trauma because now I can be her with my dad and my three sisters there who look like me. And then I go home, home to where my mom and my dad junior and my two sisters that don't look like me are, but that's where my primary residence is. And now I have to be like them. And so I was in between. And then I lost my dad at 15. He passed away three years, right? After three years. Yeah. In my life, connected, all things just like all things pointed to go. Like I had found myself. And then just like that, I felt reabandoned by him when he left. And of course, he didn't leave of his own choosing. It was to the end of his road. And so it, but it still hurt. So anyway, to answer your question, about around the age of 11, 12 is when I really started to revisit the conversations.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

And would you say if this is a correct description when when this happened at eight? So from eight to 12, you have this four-year, it kind of sounds like it just took the wind out of your sails.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah. I would say that that's correct. And I think it opened me up to, I just changed a lot. I was whoever. Like I remember crying a lot. I look back to pictures now and I'll see that my eyes, I was crying. I cried about a lot and I don't even know what I cried about. And today still, like I don't like crying. I try so hard not to cry. But I think I was just so lost and trying to be somebody that I didn't, you know, I'm not gonna say I think. I understand now. I was so disconnected, I was so confused in who I was supposed to be that I was so pulled out of alignment with my truth, with my most authentic self, that all I could do is just emotional overload. My emotions were dysregulated and I would I would just cry.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

That's a lot for, and then you're getting into your teens and you lose, you lose your biological father at 12. So now you're grieving that. Yeah, at 15. I lost him at 15. Or at 15. You connected at 12, you lost him at 15. And then life continues, life goes on for you, and until two years ago, you have this huge me too. You know, I've got decades of not, you know, having any clue. Like I was completely lost as well. So what happened two years ago?

(Cont.) Feeling Lost? Coming Home to Your True Self After Grief & Trauma | Tara Wiskow

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah, I think I can I back up just a little bit and just like talk a little bit. Prior to two years ago, I had it'd be 18 years ago. My youngest is 20 now. And so 18 years ago is when I started my true weight loss journey as 338 pounds, morbidly obese, had turned to food, literally lost myself. And so food was just my my saving grace. It was my security blanket. And so two years ago, I'd I'd transformed my body, lost 220 pounds on my own. I've been a bodybuilder, I've been in competitions in the bodybuilding space, personal trainer, just radically altered my my body physically. But the inside is still complete chaos, right? You know, I was on a podcast interview just a little bit ago, and the woman asked me, she goes, Do your any of your clients look like they have it all together on the outside, but on the inside they don't? I'm like, oh, all of them. Like everyone attract, yeah. You attract like-minded that the I attract them because that was me. So two years ago, actually, it's going on three years now, June will be three years, I lost my baby sister, June 3rd of 2023. So one of my blonde-haired sisters, uh, she's my baby sister in that family. She was diagnosed with cancer December of 2022. And June 3rd of 2023, she was gone. And when she left, the very day we as a family, her husband, my mom and dad, and and myself, we made the decision to let her go. She did not want to be on life support, but thank goodness my brother-in-law did to give us that ability to be with her. And after she was gone, I had a complete breakdown in the hospital room. I was just, I still remember the moment, like apologizing to her. She's already gone and I knew she was gone. But all I could say is, I'm so sorry, I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry. Like I just I broke down and we left the hospital. And as I was walking out of the hospital to our vehicle, there was a penny. And I always pick up pennies, but usually I say, Yeah, usually when I pick it up, I say thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm a money magnet because I read it in this book and you're supposed to do that. Like, so usually I pick it up to do it. But this time, instead of saying that, I heard check the date. And I check the date. It was 1984, and that's year Trisha was born. And so I thought, okay, I don't think this is coincidental, but that's that's pretty radical. But you know what? We'll just say it's coincidental. So I pocketed the penny and we went out to eat at this restaurant to try to do something. Like my husband's like, you got to get some food in. And so we ate, Tracy. We sat at this table outside and we're eating. And I get up to leave, and I heard, check to your left, and there's a penny. That penny was not there. That entire time we were there, we were there for like an hour and 20 minutes. That penny was not there until we were getting ready to leave. And I heard, look to your left. I pick up that penny as 1979. That's the year I was born. So now I've got her birthday date, year, and we leave, we go to the hotel, we're walking into the hotel, and I look down and there's a penny, and I pick it up, and it's 1987. This is the year that she's diagnosed with a bone disease. And then we go into the hotel room, and in the hotel room, on the bathroom, every they clean these bathrooms. Yeah. Like if I'm gonna clean a restroom or a hotel room, I'm picking up the penny. There's a penny there. And it was 2016, which is the year Trisha and I traveled together to Georgia. Every single one of these pennies had a significant year on it that all correlated to Trisha and I. And as things progressed, started to hear her speaking to me. And when I say that it's my voice, but I know it's her, she's saying things like, Tell mom to bring the begonias in off of my front deck and keep them in over winter. Oh, that literal. Literal. She said to me, we went on vacation for our anniversary in July. So a little over a month after she's gone. And I hear, I need you to get a gift for mom from me. And she kept saying it for five days, and I kept ignoring it. Finally, I listened and she led me to this coffee cup. And on the coffee cup it said, now Trisha was only four foot ten, four foot ten and a half because of her bone disease. Said, I'll always be with you. I'll always love you. Your short one. And that moment, yeah, right. I quit ignoring it. I knew she had been coming to me and I started to drop into my body and listen. And that's when I was led into a workshop called Identity Shifting. And Trisha led me down this path in this meditation. I met my higher self. My higher self said, I've been waiting a long time for this day, Tara. You are a healer. You've always been a healer, and the world needs you now more than ever. And that two years ago was when I finally came home to myself. When I finally said, I'm a healer and I started to step into my authenticity, find my true voice. And it's not been an easy journey. I would be lying to you if I said the last two years have been the easiest rodeo I've ever been in. It has not been. It's been hard to own to say I'm a healer who has psychic and medium abilities. It's been really difficult. And at the same time, it has been so freeing to be able to say this is sorry, I'm getting a little emotional listening to you tell this because it's so touching.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

It's okay. It's like yeah for some reason. No, it's so touching to hear this. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

So that's all that occurred two years ago.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

What I wanted to ask you, I want to back up a little even further. Like, because you said at your peak you were 338, you were 338 pounds. What was the catalyst that happened that set you on this health and weight loss journey, even though emotionally you still weren't there? Because you can't do everything at once. It's it's truly baby stop. So it's like you corrected yourself physically and like medically, healthy-wise. And then the next step was the emotional side of it. But what gave you that willpower, I guess, and wherewithal to just start this health journey of yours? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

We were I was at the park with my three boys and went through a divorce, and that was now obviously a single mom. And we're at the park and we'd go to the park and I'd sit on the bench. I was park the park bench mom. I was 338 pounds. I didn't feel safe out there on the playground equipment. And so I would sit, and all the other moms would be the moms for my boys, and they'd run and play and they'd take my boys in. And usually on a typical day that we're at the park, I'd be watching and I'd notice when people would start packing stuff up. So then I'd get the boys and we'd leave. So I wouldn't be left alone at the park with the boys. But this day I remember being so angry with just who I was. I'd been trying to lose weight. I was disgusted with myself. I felt like a failure. I didn't think anything ever like ever. This is how I always looked at it. God, whoever you speak to, God, the universe, higher power, I speak to all of them. I used to have them say, God made women that were pretty, talented, successful, lucky, had all the things, and then he made me. And I couldn't figure out why he just made me. Like, why couldn't I be one of them? And so this day I was just absolutely in this pit of hell and the depths of hatred towards myself and wasn't paying attention. All of a sudden I hear one of the boys yell, Mom, can we play our favorite swing game? And I look and everybody's leaving. And here I am with my boys by myself. And so I said, Yes, we'll play for a little bit and then we're done. And then we're going home. And their game that they love to play is they're swinging, and you like go in between them. So they swing in front and then you go behind them, and then you wait until the other one swings back, and then you go in front of them, and you just go back and forth. There's no name that I know. I've heard of it in a name, but it's a terrible name, so I'm not going to preface it here. And so anyway, we're playing this game, and I we'd been playing for about 15 minutes. I said, okay, I'm going one more time and we're done. So it's Trevor, my oldest, Trestan, my youngest, and Trey, my middle. That is how they lined up on the swings as they're swinging. So I get past Trevor and Trestan says, Me next! And he was two, two and a half, who's so excited. And I go in front of him and Tracy, I trip. And as I trip, I'm falling. And there's no way you're stopping this. I'm going down. I'm five foot four, 338 pounds. We're going down. And as I'm falling, Trestan swings forward and his feet glide into the side of me. And the force of us colliding flings him backwards. He can't hold on to the chains of the swing. And when he falls, it knocked him unconscious, but it also cracked his head open and he's bleeding. So that was the moment when like everything really just fell apart for me. Like it had already fallen apart, but it really fell apart here. And this is the moment where I spent the next three days beating myself up. We got to the hospital. Any nurses listening to this are like, they're like, it's not that big of a deal, which is exactly what the nurse said to me. She's like, Oh, it's okay, honey. It's just a little slit. We'll put some staples in it and he's gonna be just fine. So he was.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

He was so proud of his staples and his lollipop and- Oh, and kids are so resilient, they bounce right back, like and you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah, he was so proud of it. Yeah. I was traumatized and absolutely felt like I'd I'd I'd just failed my boys. And so three days later, I'd made the decision I was going to end my life. I had struggled with suicide, a suicidal ideation. I'd struggled with it, and I'd always kept it at bay and talked myself out of it. And after that, I just felt like my boys deserved somebody better. And the moment, the catalyst that shifted everything for me was when my middle son opened the door. That I know, just like the pennies, I know this door was locked. I know I locked it. And Trey opened the door and he asked me, Are you gonna die, mama? And I heard this voice that like vibrated my entire body. You have got to learn to love yourself as much as you love your boys. That is your only way out of this. I had never tried anything nice for weight loss. I'd starved myself. I had, I'd, I'd had an eating disorder. I struggled with bulimia for a year and a half. I would pinch my fat. I would speak ill. I tried anything and everything that would browbeat me into losing weight, but I'd not tried love. I'd never spoken to myself with care or compassion or appreciation. I didn't even think, like literally, self-love was not a concept that I could have. I didn't think I could just love myself. I thought I had to get love from other people. I didn't know we could love ourselves. That is how disconnected I was and how abandoned I was. And so I started to love myself. And it all started in the mirror. And my boys were young. So my middle son was five and my oldest was eight, my youngest was two and a half. And I would stand in the mirror and I would look at my feet because I could not look at myself, but I would look at the mirror. And this is before I ever learned about Louise Hayes and her mirror work. I just was pulled and called. Now, as an intuitive healer, I understand where it came from. But I was called to stand in front of the mirror and just like I'd look at my feet and it would say, I love you. I think you're amazing. I'm so happy I can be you.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Like I would just say like you're fake it till you make it, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Yes. I learned to love my feet so much. And then I loved my ankles, and then I loved my shins, and then my knees, and I don't think I ever loved my thighs. But then, you know, I as I continued to move my eyes up where upward, I was able to connect with my eyes, and I was able to see me. And for the very first time, Tracy, when I looked in my eyes, I said Tara. Every time that I referred to myself before, I would call myself Heifer Hannah. I was so mean to myself. And that was when I finally started saying, Tara, I love you. I'm so grateful that I am you. That was a journey of really truly coming home in that capacity of weight loss. And it turned into the best way I can describe it is a determination to lose it. Because internally, I was still chaos. I was still a mess. I still didn't believe that I was good enough for so much. What I wanted in life, but I decided I could lose the weight and I was good enough for it. And I became determined to do it because I kept hearing you've got to learn to love yourself as much as you love your boys. That's your only way out of this. And I kept saying to myself, You got yourself into this mess, Tara. You got to get yourself out of it. You're the only one that can do it. And so it became my mission of doing it. And it it truly was just determination and the willpower was there to make it happen. And I put blinders on and I did it. I did it and I only let myself do it with love, with healthy ways of doing it. I didn't let myself revert back to my old ways that I used to use, and I lost 220 pounds. How long did it take you?

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Eight years. Okay. So through that journey, eight years was there, and then you hit your goal weight. Yeah. How were you feeling inside by the time you hit that goal weight? I was still the fat girl.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

I was still the girl. Yeah, I was still the girl that would struggle with binge eating and then I would starve myself. I didn't let myself purge because I had overcome bulimia, but I would starve. I would not eat or I'd just eat green vegetables or drink water. I still feared, like I knew in the back of my mind, 338 pounds was waiting to knock on the door and that one day I was just gonna wake up and be 338 pounds. Like that's where my mind was. My husband, I've remarried, we've been married now for it'll be 13 years in July. He would say, Tara, there's no way you you will ever let yourself become 338 pounds. You just you won't. You can't. I'm like, oh yeah, it'll happen. That was my mentality.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

And then was it two years ago when that switched? Yeah, two years ago is when it switched at all. Like I absolutely cannot believe that stepping into my authenticity, choosing to be myself helped me heal that. Because it doesn't surprise me. I have to take that back. It makes complete sense because I'm not using food as a mechanism of coping. It's not my saving grace, it's not my security blanket. I don't need it. Before it was because I was constantly showing up as somebody that I wasn't. I always felt like I don't know what my purpose is, I don't know why I'm here. Why can't I figure it out? I would, you know, I've launched businesses, I've sold businesses, I have done all the things. And I would continue to be like, well, that was a successful month. Oh my gosh, we've got, you know, we made six figures this month, this or this year. This is crazy. This month we made five figures. And I would still be sitting there thinking, wow, monetarily, I've I I mean paper shows I've done really well, but internally, I'm not happy. I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. So after I finally let myself be myself and I came home to myself, food isn't a necessity for me because I'm not running from who I want to be. What was what was the big turning point for you two years ago? Sitting outside on our pond or on the on our pond, yeah. On the swing by our pond, I was listening to music. I was grieving Trisha being gone. She'd been, we'd, you know, five days after a burial service, and I was sitting on the swing crying and listening to music and just trying to get my mind off of anything but the fact that she was never coming back. And I was thinking about her being 39 years old. She had this bone disease. She was extremely short. She had fingers that were, you know, they were deformed because of bone cysts and toes, and you know, I kept wondering if she felt happy in this life, like who she was. Did she live a life that she was happy or did she go with regrets? Like when the machine stopped and the silence overtook the room and she left her body. Was she at peace? And in that moment, again, it's like my intuition, and probably Trisha sitting next to me on the swing is saying, You're so damn worried about me, but what about you? Have you taken time to look at your life? Because, girl, you got some shit going on that you need to figure out, right? Right, right. And so that truly was like the moment that shifted everything where I started to realize, my gosh, I am still alive. I remember getting up off the swing and walking into the house, saying to myself, You're still alive, Tara. You've got to figure this out. Like you are alive. Do something with this. And that began again, just like the weight loss. It became my determination of let yourself figure this out. Who are you? What do you want to do? What's missing? Why can't you connect the dots? And that's when I was led into this workshop, identity shifting. I kept seeing identity shifting over and over. And that workshop really opened it up and truly, I think, pulled me out of this fake version and brought me, like just brought me home into the true version of me. And I sat there, like rebirthed as a brand new being on my couch, feeling things I'd never felt before, thinking things I'd never felt before, knowing things I didn't even know I could know or why I would know it, and having this pull of going in a direction that I didn't understand, but I knew I needed to trust it.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

I want to ask you a question about because this is something I talk about, and this is, and you'll be able to relate to this through, you know, meditation and how important it is. And you can get all the answers you need in life, literally through meditation. Some people are more advanced meditators than others. So, and I am not advanced at all. However, I do want to ask you about the first time you met your higher self because that was, I'm gonna get emotional talking about it. It was a game changer for me when I first met my higher self. And so I and I talk about this a lot because it it didn't take when I started my meditation journey, it didn't take long before she showed up. Like it was pretty quick, actually. I honestly you would think it would take people years, but it she showed up very quickly. So tell me about your experience with that because I'm really trying to make people understand that that is the key to starting.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

It is, yeah. You know, honestly, every I would try I tried meditation prior to that moment for like, but it was always guided. And honestly, when I think about it, now that's how I started. Guided is great. Like I think guided is absolutely a beautiful place to start. And even still today, sometimes I go into guided because I just I want to give the wheel to somebody else and let somebody else speak love and affirmation into me and let me just go into the zen. And but prior to that moment, oh, and it's 333, which means spirit guides are around. So this is amazing. As I'm in the guided meditations before meeting my higher self, it was always a plea of desperation, you know, a meditation for weight loss, a meditation for confidence, a meditation. Yeah. And so I would fall asleep because I would lay down and I put headsets on and I would fall asleep and I'd wake up and be like, Well, that was a waste of time, which it never was. I realize now, right? My unconscious mind got what it needed, but I think I instantly just shut it down because as soon as I woke up, I was like, I screwed that up. Once again, we failed. So this time, when I'm in this workshop, it's a three-hour workshop. We are at about two hours and probably 10 minutes in. And the gal says, We're going into meditation. I remember my heart sinking because I was loving this meditation or this workshop, and I was getting so much. And then she said, meditation. I was like, shit, it's done. This is this is as far as this goes for me. This has been great. And now I don't get to be part of this because I can't meditate. And all of a sudden I heard try one more time. So I go into this meditation, it's guided, and I'm guided in to walk down this path. And as I'm walking down the path, I see in my mind's eye, Trisha's on my left side walking with me down this path. And for whatever reason, I am always everybody's different, but I'm always on a on a dirt path, and there's always trees. And I come outside of the trees and there's a park bench. And I'm guided to sit down on this park bench and Trisha's on my left. And all of a sudden, I'm told, look to your right, and you'll see your higher self. So I was guided to see her, and she showed up. Not always do they show up, not always is she there, but she was sitting there. And I remember in that, like the meditation looking and being so at peace. Like, oh my gosh, like there she is. And she again said to me, like, I Tara, I've waited a long time for this moment, and you're a healer. You've always been a healer, and the world needs you now more than ever. And I remember feeling so seen and so safe, and like I was one. I was one with this person, and I was so excited. And I looked to my left to ask Trisha, like, did you know? And Trisha was gone. And I remember looking back at my higher self and like kind of like asking her now what? And she knew I didn't have to ask questions. She knew she said, Yeah, you have to leave this meditation on your own because this is your this is your coming home. This is you saying, I'm a healer, and you need to walk this path back out on your own. And I remember leaving that and I was crying in the meditation and I came. It's very, it's a very emotional experience. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

And she comes to me now frequently and opens up. And and that honestly, Tracy, like after I met her, I literally, it's like this portal opened up, and all of a sudden I'm like, okay, I know I have spirit guides, and I know that I'm supposed to go to a metaphysical shop and I'm supposed to pick out these crystals, and my hands will vibrate and my body will vibrate. Like this portal opened, and all of a sudden I'm like sucked into it because I met my higher self.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeah, well, because it does. And I too met my higher self through a guided meditation. I don't think that I could have done it on my own, and it was through guided as well. But now that we've met, I've seen her and we have this relationship now, I can be with her whenever I want. Same. You know, so because she's she's always there. She's just waiting for me. Oh, okay, you're called, you know. And I want people to know like it, like once you can't unsee it. So and once you I was, I remember I was kind of shocked because it took me in in a meditative state, of course, but it took me a minute to realize what I was looking at. And, you know, it's it's hard to explain to people until you experience it, but it's the most you get like, I don't know about you, but I just got this wave of warmth and love and yeah, like just total acceptance, I guess, through your whole body. You just, you know, you feel you feel this, and and that, you know, we we do have other guides. I know I actually recently met my main guide through a hypnosis session. Wonderful. I had never been in contact with my main guide, and I recently met her, and it was a female energy, my main guide for sure, through meditation, and that wasn't my higher power, that was somebody different. So but it's so magical, and you you it it's almost like it completely changes you.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Yeah. And I get asked all the time, like, why doesn't my higher self like, why has she not been there? And I always say she's always been there. We just haven't been open to allow her to speak to us, to guide us, because our our higher self, our future self, like we're guided by so many essences. I mean, we're never alone. We have so many spiritual beings that are here to guide us, and they're our intuition. They're the ones that speak to us, they're the ones that say, go right instead of left. I know you always go left, but today you have to go right. Like, we are constantly guided and protected by these spiritual beings in our life. And like our higher self knows what is in store for us and our in our future. Our future self has already traveled it and she's waiting for us and she's like guiding us to say what the next turn is, what the next thing is, the next opportunity, because she's traveled it. She's traveled it and prepared it for us. So it's not until we willingly open up to see her and be with her that we're then able to see her. And it's not true that she wasn't there before because she's always been there.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

It's and and it's so funny because somebody said it to me. It's like once you they're like, finally, we've been waiting for you. Yes. They're waiting for us. They're like, wait, you know, and it's funny, I've been struggling lately with because I've got so much going on. I'm juggling so many different things. And I've been and just talking to you, I just had a little information download because it's I've been struggling trying to figure out like, do I go right, do I go left, do I keep going forward, do I keep doing this? You know, because we're we're so busy. You've got three kids. I mean, you know, life. And I'm like, what do I do? And I'm like, you know what? The more I'm cluttering brain, worrying about making these right decisions or doing this or that, I'm blocking the information that they're trying to tell me. Like, I don't, I don't really need to figure it out. They're gonna give me that information. And just talking to now, I'm realizing like I really need to just stop. Yeah. And and it'll come to me, like maybe when I'm meditating tonight or tomorrow morning or whatever, you know, before I go to bed or in the morning when I wake up. But I I realize that's why I'm not getting the answers because I'm overthinking it. They'll give me the answers. I don't need to worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

And we do that's our logical left brain. Like, we just that that's what we do. And it's also our unconscious way of protecting us, protecting us, our super ego, you know, like overthink everything because we've been conditioned to do that. Overthink it, worry it. You've got to have a plan, even though I don't know what my plan is, and we try to plan it all out and we can't figure it out. And and then we're just missing those messages that are coming in and the signs, right? So you you've absolutely nailed it because you read this, yes, yes, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Absolutely. I'm having for those of you who aren't watching, it's the power of now by Eckert Tool. It is incredible. I'm halfway through it. It talks a lot about this and how you know, living in the now, the title of it, like living in the future, living in the present, you're not gonna get answers to your life. You have to live in in this moment right now. It doesn't even matter what's gonna happen five minutes from now.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Um, and there's so many, it's so funny because I'll get like a little something that'll happen, and I'll be like, all these positive things happen when I just let go and trust the universe or trust God or trust your guy, whatever you believe in, you know. Then it's just and then you have but you have to be free of the stress for it to happen.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Yeah. I love that you say this because I I've been my husband and I own a gym, a brick and mortar gym, and there's an individual that comes in that's really for some reason rubs every part of me the wrong way. Like there's just an energy that I tap into as an empath, as an intuitive, I tap into it. And there's just something that's very unsettling about this individual's energy that just does not do well for me. And I did legs today. And so legs are not my favorite, but yet I'm going to run my three miles. And I remember I was so tired this morning and I just didn't want to do it. And I kept hearing like, we got you, get on the treadmill and go. And usually this individual gets on the treadmill next to me and it just deflates me instantly. Like I am just like poof, down. And so I was like, okay, you got me. Okay, surrender, Tara. Surrender, surrender, surrender. So I get on the treadmill and I'm going and I'm going and I'm at one mile. I'm like, oh, okay, they're not all right, all right, two miles. And I kept hearing, we got you, we got you. We get all sudden done. Like I'm done, and all of a sudden I see on the screen 444. It's and then I'm at my three miles. I see the number 444, which is protected. You are protected and guided at all times, is what the meaning of the angel number is. And I kid you not, I see 444. I'm at three miles, and boom, the individual's right there on the treadmill. I'm done. It's all done. And I knew, like all along, they were saying, We will guide you, we will protect you, you'll get through what you need to. This individual's energy is not gonna take you down. We got you. And I knew it the whole time that I was on the treadmill and I was running, I had that feeling and that knowing, but my logical mind kept on could dropping in, be like, oh, that person's gonna be here in a little bit. Like, and then I kept being reminded like Tara, shut it down and just run and trust. Just surrender and be in the now. And I and and I love how Eckhart's whole talk talks about that. Like five minutes from now doesn't exist. Five minutes ago no longer exists. What exists is right here, right now, and that's where you need to be. And I love how he talks about it.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

However, I would tell everybody to read this because it says, whenever and wherever there is beauty, this inner essence shines through somehow. It only reveals itself when you are in the present. Yes, only ever then. Only everything ever, only and it I'm I loved that you're talking about this individual with the energy because this happens to me all the time. It actually happened to me recently. Like, I there's just I hate saying like I don't like somebody, but I'll just get like, and I've always been like this, Tara. Always, like even before my healing journey five years ago. Like I've always just been, I don't know. I just there's something about them, I don't know what it is. And so I've been doing like I've been doing a lot of shadow work. Good. And um, and I know that a lot of times when things like that happen, it it could could not always, but could be a reflection, right? Yes, yes, of you. So I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and this happened recently with somebody, and I'm like, no, I don't think that's a reflection of something with me, but it but it might be, but like with this person, like you have, I think a lot of it with me too is because and I think you're gonna appreciate this. Now I can like if people haven't been doing any internal work at all and aren't working on themselves, I could spot them a mile away. Right. Yes, yes, they don't even need to be walk by me, be close to me. I could spot mile. I'm like, ah, that person's done no work at all, has done no, you know, they're they haven't even started their journey, you know, and things like do you agree with that? Because I'm juggling between that versus the shadow, like the reflection, you know what I mean? I agree.

SPEAKER_01 41:56

So this is what I see. There are going to be people, and I think there are people that you're connected closely with that you know that you spend time with that are a reflection. So, for instance, I used, I was a this network marketing company, I had an upline leader. Absolutely, I said hated her, did not want anything to do with her. No reason, Tracy. She did nothing wrong, she helped me in all ways. She was instrumental in teaching me and guiding me, but I hated her. And all of a sudden I realized the reason why I didn't like her is she was so confident. She was everything I wanted to be. She would walk into a room and speak like she liked owned it. She was beautiful. I mean, she was a gorgeous woman on the outside. She owned herself on the inside. She didn't give a shit if you liked her or not. I was so jealous of her. So yes, right. So there's a reflection of who you wish you you wish you could be. There's envy, right? Or somebody that's really, really negative and complains all the time. That's an old version of me. And I struggle to be around that person because it's a reminder of who I was, and it makes me just cringe because I'm like, oh my God, that's what I sound like. So that's reflection, right? Yeah. But there are people that you just cross and you've never met them before. All they have to do is walk in your space, and all of a sudden the your the hair on your back stands up.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:15

There's just their aura, their energy field is rubbing up against yours, and your energy field is saying, There's something about this that doesn't feel good.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Yeah, you just start.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, okay, and that that's your internal self saying, be aware, be aware. So for instance, this happened to me last summer. I was go, I was house and dog sitting for a friend, and I went to the local town to go for a run on the running track. And I was walking by this car, and instantly I felt there's a guy in this car, and I was like, something's not right. Like, even still, I get goosebumps when I think about it. And I had like this feeling in my inner, my inner gut like, you need to get back in your Jeep and you need to leave. And I was like, Yeah, whatever, Tara, just go. Stop being ridiculous. You're Overthinking and being your typical panicky thing. So I went running. And Tracy, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there's this big black storm that comes in. Wind starts howling. This little old lady's coming. She's like, I don't know where this storm came from, but it's not good. You better turn around and go back. I'm like, I'm just gonna keep going. We're okay. She goes, honey, I don't think you should. And I'm like, I'm okay. I'm just gonna go down there and I'll head back. She's like, okay, but it's bad. It's coming in from nowhere. Wasn't even on the radar. So I keep going. And then all of a sudden, I feel turn around and go now and run as fast as you can. And so I couldn't ignore this. Like I felt like sucked back. Tracy, I turn around and that guy is there in his car, right there, driving slow. And I knew instantly I should have listened the very first time. And I ran and I ran as fast as I could. And I got back to my Jeep fine. If I wouldn't have listened to that, I don't think that I would have been okay. I don't think that the outcome would have been what it was. Right. So there's we we drop in and we feel things. I'm an intuitive. I have psychic medium of we all do, right? But I'm very open. But we all, we all are guided by our intuition. It's our safety. It tells us. Right. So when you're feeling that, that offness, there's just something about that person. And this is what I'm learning too. You can have the sweetest, jolliest little old man or lady that's the most beautiful thing in the entire world, right? And all of a sudden there's something about them that just feels ick. They can have energy that's not theirs. That is what I call taking up residency, discarnate energy, which is a past, past life that's not passed over. It's taking up residency in a human being, an empath, because they struggled with addiction, they struggled with trauma, and they're not feeling like they finished out their purpose on earth. So they're wanting to live out their purpose in somebody that is still alive. And so sometimes energy can feel yucky, and people aren't meaning to feel yucky or be yucky. It's just that they have an energy within them that's not theirs, which is a big part of what I do.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

So that's interesting. I've never thought of it like that, but because shadow work's uh yuck, yucky. Yeah, you know, doing shadow work is it even you have to do it, it's so important. But I never thought about like a different energy that's attached to them. That's interesting. I'm gonna have to like so if I if I come across somebody, because this happens to me all the time. I mean, I could be in the grocery store, I could just whatever, you know. And I how would I say like say to myself, okay, is this their energy or is this an energy that's stuck to them?

SPEAKER_01 46:47

So honestly, like it might not even be like your business to even know because you might get that pushback to be like, it's none of your business, it's about what buy like I think for what you're going to want to do is just stop and pause and say, Okay, I'm wondering, is this energy something that's affecting me? Is this energy not safe for me? What about this energy is making me feel what I'm feeling? Right. And when you do that, then you start to get the answers. The answers start to come forward. Maybe it's just like they are an abrasive person and you don't like to be around abrasive people. So you're being asked to leave. Maybe it's they are somebody that has a history of stealing stuff, and that's not something that you are kosher with. So you're being made to feel this like tuck and run, because that's not a safe space for you. So it's all about you. Like, what is it? Why is this energy affecting you? That's the answers you're going to get is why is this making me feel this way?

SPEAKER_00 47:48

Yeah. That and I think for you guys that are listening, if if you've started your meditation journey, congratulations, like it's gonna change your life. If you haven't, this is so important to listen to because it it really is so it's like the simplest self-curing and self-soothing thing you could do for yourself, but it's called a practice for a reason. And it's it can be very frustrating, but stick with it and you're you will get the information that you need. And I'm, you know, and I it it is it's a gift. It really is a gift.

SPEAKER_01 48:27

It is, and it's not about doing it perfectly. When I finally released this belief that I was supposed to just be Gandhi on the very first time and just like go into the Zen mode, like I was like, Tara, even Gandhi had to practice at it and and probably failed a lot. Like, let's be real about this. And something that I learned that I implemented because my mind would try to take over, is I would in my mind's eye, and when I say mind's eyes, my hands are closed and I could like pretend, like if I were to reach my hand out in front of me in my mind's eye, I'd see it. And so when my thoughts come in, I see my hands swiping the thoughts out. And then I all of a sudden see, like, if you've ever bowled, you have, and you struggle with gutter balls, and you put those side railings up to my brother because I so anyway, I maybe sometimes like to have the gutters up so I don't have gutter balls. Yeah, anyway, it's like you see those railings up, and it's like you just put yourself in there and be like, okay, I'm in here and I'm only focused on this, everything else is out, and I just see my hands coming in and swatting the thoughts out, and it really helps me to just zero in and be fully present.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

I love that analogy because that's I'm like the worst bowler on the planet and and the queen of gutter balls. So I love that analogy to have those guardrails up and just stay in your space, just don't worry about everybody else, just stay in your space and wor you know, worry about you. And I I love that. When when some if somebody like, are you working with clients, Tara? So if if somebody's like, well, she's an intuitive energy healer, I might need some help like identifying that part of me, like that could be very it's I'm sure it's very foreign to a lot of people. Yeah. What what is you know, what do you tell them? Like first steps kind of thing. Or is it like kind of does it depend on the person? Because a lot of people have blocks up.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

Yeah. Almost everybody has blocks up, right? Until we've done the work. I mean, even I've done this work for two years and been deep into Yeah. And I still have blocks that I'm under, right? Yeah. So the very first step, my company's name is B to Change You Need, and the acronym is BitchIn, B T C H Y N. So I always have to preface that because people are like bitch-in. So I offer a bitchin' session. It's a 30-minute complimentary call where we can come together and I can really learn what's going on. And that I can connect with you. I always ask permission, is okay if I pull you in. And once I pull you in, I can start understanding what I'm getting. I can feel what I feel in your body. I can ask for confirmation and clarification. Do you feel this? Is this something you've struggled with? Did this happen in your life? I'm getting this. Is this resonating? So then that gives me the ability to really know what's what's taking place and what the blocks are. And then from there, we can look at are we wanting to do an energy clear? Is that the best thing that we just clear out energy? Or do we want to go into my soul medicine healing session where we spend 90 minutes where we're releasing out the blocks through integrated energy therapy of all four bodies physical, emotional, mental, spiritually, and then integrating in the positive? So, like we're taking out the guilt, the shame, the fear, resentment, anger. And then we implement the positive so that we actually give you a full body cleanse. And in the process of that, I also do an energy clearing. So once I've cleared out the negative energy, integrated in the positive, now I scan the body and I ask, is there anything energetically going to block this woman, this man, from achieving the results that they're looking to achieve based on the session that we just completed? Then I'm able to, my hand becomes a magnet and I'm then able to release and pull out these blocks and integrate in healing energy, the white healing energy to be able to heal you fully. We also look at any connections and chords. If you've ever heard of the Akashic Records, in a past life, you maybe have created this contract or this promise that you will always struggle to make money. You will always be overweight. You will always lack love. For whatever reason, you made this agreement or constructed this contract in that lifetime. We can then look at that. I'm able to die to diagnose or see, okay, I'm seeing these cords and we always release them. I don't cut them. This is why I don't cut. Remember when they used to talk about uh when they would cut the tubes, like a woman would get go in and have a tubal and they'd be like, you just cut it, it could grow back together. Right. I feel the same way. Like if that could happen, I feel like if I just cut that cord, this cord could find its way to connect itself. So I always release so then it sends back. And then I put a salve, a healing salve, intuitively on the person so then it can never reconnect.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Yeah. Okay. So it's still there as kind of like a remembrance. It actually is like it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 53:31

It's not there. Yeah. Yeah. It's gone. It's cleared. It's released. It's not, it's no longer in existence on you. So that's one of the ways that they could work with me. I also have a six-month authenticity and healing program for women where we go through a soul of a six-month complete like identity shift and truly coming home to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 53:54

Yeah. That's amazing. Six months may sound like a lot to somebody listening, but the work it starts right away. Like the healing starts right away. You know, it's not like you've got to wait for six months to have this huge breakthrough. It it it's in it, and then it almost encourages you to keep going. Cause like that's how I am now. I'm like, I want more. Tell me more, tell me more, show me more, you know.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

Yeah. It's always yeah. And as soon as you say yes to yourself is truly when healing starts. It's because you said yes, you made that declaration, and that is when the healing starts. And then every day, like the work builds each day, each week that we work together, it's something that is building on the next week. And so in the first eight weeks, we go through an unravel, which is unbecoming who you've believed you've had to be and releasing you of all these beliefs and all this stuff that's blocking you. So after that first like two weeks, three weeks, but definitely eight weeks, you already feel so much lighter and less blocked and traveling a journey that you didn't know was possible to you. And then it just continues to get better from there.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

Yeah, that's wonderful. I'm that's so amazing. I appreciate you. And you are a trauma rock star, girly. You sure certainly are. I mean, you're the definition of it. So thank you for sharing your journey with us. And any last minute, quick last minute anything for anyone?

SPEAKER_01 55:19

I just say to anybody and everybody out there, if you're feeling like you are lost and disconnected and you feel like you're stuck, I just need you to know that it's not true that you are lost or that who you are can never come home because she's inside of you and she's just simply waiting for you to find her. And there is a road that brings you home to her. So don't lose belief in that. Don't lose faith in knowing that you'll reconnect with her. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

Please like, comment, and share this to anybody that you think might benefit. I want to hear from you. I want to hear what you loved about this episode, what you love about Tara. And I want to hear, we want to hear that and have that interaction. So thank you so much for listening and have a great rest of your day. The content on this podcast revolves around personal life experiences and is meant to serve as a learning tool. I am not a certified therapist or medical expert. This podcast doesn't offer medical, psychological, or professional advice. If you're curious about your mental or physical well being, feel free to reach out to a licensed healthcare professional for assistance.