Episode 48: What coaching is all about: We're all adults here

Nobody signs up for coaching to get judged. But a lot of us show up bracing for it anyway.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what coaching actually is, what people get wrong about it, and what your job is as an athlete versus what mine is as your coach.

• Why so many women brace for judgment before a coaching relationship even starts
• The difference between sugarcoating a hard week and being honest about it
• What "showing up honest" actually looks like, even when the run was just shitty
• Why context matters more than perfection when life blows up your training
• My job as your coach, and the things it's not my job to tell you
• How I ask the questions you don't know you need to answer yet
• Why a plan built around who you wish you were never actually works
• The new "how we work together" agreement, and why I finally wrote it down

Links & Resources for This Episode

• Follow me on Instagram
• Visit my website: www.sunrisetrailscoaching.com
• Want to work together? Learn about 1:1 Coaching
• Free guide: What’s In My Pack? Download here

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey y'all, welcome back to Dirt Nap Diaries. I'm your host, Brittany Olson, Trailrunner, Women's Trailrunning Coach, Hype Woman, and Professional Packer of the Mid Run Snacks. This show is for the everyday trailrunner, the ones training on real life legs and real life time. You've got work, relationships, laundry pets, a group text that never shuts up, and maybe a big goal sitting quietly in the back of your head that you're not totally sure you're allowed to want. You're not out here chasing podium spots, you're chasing finish lines, sunrises, and maybe a little sanity. This podcast is about trail running, but it's also about navigating life. The hard seasons, the joyful ones, and the ones where everything feels like too much. So let's get into it. Alright, y'all. Um nothing huge right now in a week. Uh I leave for France uh to go do the hike around Mount Blanc. Yay! Um, it's gonna be done over 10 days, uh, 100-mile trek. It is uh not split up evenly, like 10 miles a day or anything like that. Um, but stoked to be able to do it. If any of you know, uh there is a race at the end of August uh that does this course. Uh so um it's a pretty, it's a really, really pretty um area. It's beautiful, probably one of the most beautiful areas I've seen pictures of, period, but now I get to be into it. So super, super cool. Uh, but that also means lots of packing, lots of getting things cleaned up before I take time off work, lots, getting lots of things, coaching done. This includes this podcast. Need to record like four more episodes after this to make sure like they hit on Tuesdays because I know that's what y'all look for forward to every Tuesday. Um, but seriously though, it's just it's it's a lot to get going, and I'm so excited to just get on that plane and go. But I also know, hey, you gotta focus on what the heck's going on now. Um, and I have realized my focus has been suffering a little bit, and I do believe I have some post-race blues from Coca-Dona. Um, and how people talked about them before I think I didn't think I have them because I felt like my feelings were very different. But what it's causing, it's causing definitely me to be super duper unfocused on things that I can normally get focused on, you know, figure out all that stuff. So uh I'm actually gonna do a podcast episode on that, but because I have to get four or five done before I go, this is gonna be a little bit shorter one, uh, so I can get more and more in. But just know I am gonna be talking about those post-race blues um because they are on my brain. I think it's a good thing for people to hear, um, and also because I need to process it too. So um outside of that though, we are going to get into it and we're gonna talk today about what people think coaching really is, um, what my job is as a coach, or it's more about how I coach. Coaches can be very different, um, but it's more about like how I coach, what really matters. Um, and then like what what your job as an athlete is. Um, and I think your job as an athlete is very similar um for a lot of coaches, even if they don't put it out there, because I if having if you have a good coach, I do feel like what you do out there, how you communicate with your coach is very, very important to your programming. And this idea came about. Um, I just created a new uh document and I just labeled it like how we how we work together or how you work with sunrise trails, um, which is me. Hi. Uh, but it just talks about, you know, communication, boundaries, um, how you are an adult. Um, and there are things that you get to make choices on, but it could impact your goals. Um, and that's not on me as a coach, but it is on you. And I have to be honest with you about, you know, choice these are the choices you're making. Um, it can either help or hurt what your running goals are. Um, so that's what this came about. So you're gonna get a little bit of that um from me about what that um I will call it a kind of like a relationship agreement, uh, and then just all the stuff that I just mentioned. So what do a lot of people think coaching is? And this is really geared towards um women, because I do like I am a trial running coach for women, but so there is sometimes we feel like we're a little bit more um judge or very judgmental on ourselves. But um, a lot of women come into coaching really braced for judgment. I can tell with how I ask certain questions, um, how there's a hesitation sometimes to answer, how there's an over-explanation of things to me, which I overexplain, y'all. Um, so I totally get it. But sometimes there's this feeling like they're gonna be judged and like they're about to get in trouble or they're about to get lectured. Um, or I'm gonna be like, oh my fucking god, I can't believe you did that, right? So there's all these these like preconceived uh thoughts about what the heck like coaching really is. Um a lot of people think like coaches are going to be watching every meal, every skipped run, every weekend uh thing, just every single part of life. Um, and we are like judging and if if you're missing something, like we're gonna come down on you hard. I'm not saying there's no coaches who do that, but I will say like a good coach does not do that. Uh we are paying attention to you, we are gathering data based upon your runs, your strength workouts, um, but also hopefully you're getting we're getting information, you know, from you uh through communication. So um, but there are many times because of people think they're going to be judged or people feel like they're being called into the principal's office, um, they'll under-report, they'll sugarcoat. Um, they say it was fine when it really wasn't. They might not be quite um honest about their fueling because um and that sometimes these are not intentional, sometimes these are subconscious things we do, y'all, by the way. So just so you know, and all this is done without judgment, but they'll be like, yeah, like you know, I you know, I did I have one work on fueling, everything's going well. And then later, when it comes down to it, whether it'd be on a race or an even longer run, um, they will start being like, you know what, maybe I wasn't that honest with myself or with my coach. Again, sometimes, again, when that happens, yes, it's it's not true, but that doesn't mean it was this intentional like lie. It's just kind of, oh, like, you know, things are fine. I I did what I what I could and I did what I was supposed to, and really, like, if you really look into it, yeah, you underreported, you sugarcoated a little bit, it wasn't fine. Um, but just so you know, like when this happens, like not being able to have that, it does hurt that relationship between the coach and the athlete. Um, so when we have those thoughts, those are totally valid, normal, um, and all of that. But also, like, when you come into this coaching relationship even before you decide to sign with the coach, um, that can stop like that relationship before it even starts, or it can really harm it. So we've got to get out of our head about those things and be able to be honest with somebody. If you are paying somebody to coach you, hopefully you are able to be honest with it, and you are comfortable being honest. So I should say that comfortability, there are some things that we aren't comfortable about because it's us, right? Like you going into judgment with a perk coach, maybe you don't even know anything about. Maybe you do know him a little bit. I've signed some people who I knew. But there are these things where it's like, oh, like this is this is what I'm going into, like, with this coach who I don't know, and I'm already actually judging the coach because they're gonna judge me. So that's a relationship killer, like from the very start. I'm not saying you can't grow from that. I'm pretty sure I've had sign some people. I can tell when I talk to them, they're a little iffy, but they're like, you know what, I like what you said, we're gonna sign, and that relationship has grown. But it is harder to build an honest relationship when we're going in with these these judgments and these thoughts, and we're we're very worried about like what this coach is gonna say about me. So again, that's part of this episode is getting you comfortable um as an athlete, whether I am coaching you, whether you're thinking about having a coach, whether you already have a coach, whether you're having doubts about the coach you have now because you aren't able to communicate because you've never got to that level of being comfortable with somebody. So there are two levels of that. Some people are just simply uncomfortable, and I say simply, it's not, I don't mean that to um take away from what you're feeling, but it is simply because of like that's how we are. We're just braced for judgment. And then the other part is if you are not comfortable with your coach or they have not made you feel comfortable in the relationship isn't working, that is another level too, um, that needs to be either worked on or you have to find somebody uh to work with as a coach who you fit with. Um, it is okay to not fit with a coach. I have not fit with a coach before, and not a big deal. I eventually just we just parted ways and I signed with somebody else. Hi, Liz Myers, that's who I'm with. Um, but she has been amazing and it's been a great fit. So sometimes you do go with the with the wrong coach and you get to the right one. Sometimes you start with the right one and just it just works out that way. So, but just so you know, when you think about where all these things come from, um, you've got to think about um, and I I don't I'm not gonna dive super deep into the psychology behind this because there's a lot and we've all have different specific situations throughout our life that have put us in the spot where we're braced for that judgment, um, where we're so worried about being watched. Um, a lot of it probably comes from like that the wellness industry, that diet culture that we see. Heck, even like PE class when we were kids, with how things are, where you know, people are laughing, not necessarily the teacher, but they could be, by the way. There are assholes like that out there. But kids and all of that, so we're always in the spot where we feel like we're being watched um by others and we're being judged. And I'm not gonna lie, guys, there's judge, judgy people out there. I get judgy from time to time. I am human. Um, but there's also this um known fact that a lot of times people don't even think about you that much. Like they might see it and they might have a slight judgy thought and it's gone, or they might like look up and like notice you and that's it. And you have this thought of like, oh my god, they're judging me, and literally they probably didn't even see you, or they saw you and had no thoughts outside of that. So I don't know if that brings comfort for you, it brings me comfort thinking like I am not the center of people's minds even when they see me. That's not how it is. They're not sitting there judging me constantly. Um, but that's a good thing to just realize too. And you also have to realize that there are gonna be people who are judging you, and sometimes it really doesn't matter that they are, because that's who people are. Now, if you have a coach like that who's doing that, you have a partner, um, you have a boss, you have a colleague, right? You've you've got to dig into that and figure out what the heck you need to do for you. But the everyday person is not normally sitting there just constantly judging you. So I've used the word judge a lot because that is kind of part of what the theme of this podcast is. Um, so alright, so that's what people think coaching is. They think it's like it can be a lot of judgment, a lot of like overanalyzing the coaches or overly analyzing this data. Um, they're gonna give you a bad report card, uh, all of this. Like that's how some people come into this coaching relationship with. So that's how some people will will be for like for a little bit until they get comfortable. Um, and sometimes people, again, they don't get comfortable because maybe the coach isn't a good fit um for them. And again, that doesn't may make you a bad athlete or make them a bad coach. It just has to do with the fit and like how you communicate with each other. So, all right, now we're gonna go into like what we're gonna know what your job is as an athlete. Um, I don't like to wear the job that much because it has some negative connotations around it, but this is what your role is, like this is what you can do as an athlete. Part of this comes from my own agreement that I have with my athletes now, and part of it just comes from like what I've observed and talked to with other coaches. Um, but the big thing is showing up honest. That is really the overarching theme of the whole role as an athlete. It's being honest with yourself, with how you're feeling, how those runs are going, how life is going. Um, so the whole ass human part of you, it's it's it's being honest about that and showing showing up and with that honesty, and also being able to communicate with your coach in that way. Um, because if you are sugarcoating things, if you're underreporting, if you're saying it's fine when it's not fine, um, that doesn't help your training. It doesn't help you as a person either, but it does not help your training, it doesn't help you get towards your your goals. So again, I think the first step really is being honest with yourself because if you're honest with yourself, then you can be honest with your coach. Um, however, just because you're honest with yourself doesn't mean you're being honest with your coach either. So um those two may not happen, but it is very, very important to be able to say, you know what, that that run was shitty. Um, and tell yourself that. And you can be like, I don't know why it was. And I have talked to athletes who are like, that run was shitty. And I'm like, well, let's see here. Your job was just super busy, you just had to work 60 hours, get up in the middle of the night, do that, you had to go um to a uh funeral, your dog was sick, uh, you just actually had to travel last week, um, and then you had all this unexpected stuff happen. You haven't been sleeping well because of the stress, and because of the job that has been interrupting um you in the middle of the night, all of those things. So it's nice to be able when you're asking yourself, hey, that run was shitty. Sometimes runs are just shitty, by the way. They're not that's there's not necessarily a re reason. Sometimes it just happens because we're human. Um, but again, like the all that list I just gave you, these are examples of things that athletes are are going on in my athletes' lives. Like there is so much stuff, and they're like, I don't know what happened, like everything was fine, blah, blah, blah. And then you when you start telling them and making them aware that they are not just running out there, that their whole ass human life impacts things, they're kind of like, Oh, yeah, that does make sense. And I do want to pause here. I don't make excuses for my athletes. None of those are excuses, those are reasons. Like, there is psychology and physiology behind that. Um, when all those things are happening, of why that run would feel shitty. Yes, shitty, my scientific word for the day. Um, but those things happen. So that is a big reason why it's so important to be honest with yourself and honest with your coach. Because you can have those conversations. It's like, oh yeah, like I'm burning, burning, uh, what the heck's that burning burning the candle at both ends? That saying is not in my brain right now. You know what I mean though. You're just go, go, go. Like, you haven't had a break, you haven't been sleeping well, all of the things. So of course there's gonna be some runs that don't feel good because it's not like you're just out there running, you're not in a vacuum, it's everything that is hitting you. And for me, taking a step back and naming those things for my athlete and also naming them for myself when I'm going through that, it's super, super helpful because it's like, wait, like, I'm not a bad runner, I'm not doing anything wrong, wrong. It's just more like, holy cow, like I'm human. I'm human, and these things are happening, and I need to be able to accept that hey, that run was shitty. And then when you look back, maybe it wasn't so shitty, you just like were putting in the normal effort you do, and you were going slower, and it just felt that way, and maybe it did feel shitty, but you've just got to be open about that and be able to be like, you know what, yeah, that's okay. And I do direct this at women quite a bit because we do feel the need to um do all the things, and a lot of times we are the people who are doing the work in the house, um, doing the laundry, doing the cooking, you know, we're the decision makers with things, we're doing all of these things on top of that, on top of having other like hard things happen. And when I mean hard, I mean things you don't expect, um, things that are harder than normal. So, and again, y'all, you men listener, I'm not saying you guys don't do laundry, I'm not saying you do that. I am talking how it how it is normally that does in a traditional, and I don't say traditional household because I don't have a traditional household, but like it's not that men don't do these things either, but women are known to be the primary in this typically. So, if you're butthurt about as a man, I don't I'm not gonna apologize. But so, think about it though, if you had a terrible week, say so. And not as a confession to your coach, but so I, as your coach or whoever it is, can actually work with what's real, like what's actually going on. If we don't know what's going on, it is very hard to program. I have had athletes be silent with me, and I finally I'm like, man, I haven't heard from them, like what the heck? And I'm just like, hey, what's up? And sometimes everything's fine, by the way, and other times it's like, well, like I've had this, this, this go on. Because a lot of times when I do those, those when I start pinging people, remember, I do not analyze data every single run all the freaking time. But if I see a couple runs missed or a couple runs shortened by quite a bit, and this is not typical behavior, um, where I know this person has a goal and they're not doing the things that's going to hit their goal, I'm gonna be like, hey, like, tell me what's up. And a lot of times these these uh women are embarrassed because they don't they missed runs and they, you know, they weren't perfect. Um, some of them are just embarrassed because there's shit going on their lives and they don't want to really talk about it. And I do not pressure maybe to talk about things they won't don't want to do, but I do need to know, like, hey, if you've already having a bad, bad week, like, okay, let me know. Like, it's because I'm not sleeping very well. If you don't want to tell your coach exactly why you're not sleeping well, that's okay. Um, but just remember that context does matter uh whenever you do have stress going on um and that. So again, it's not a confession, it's not to be judged, it's to be able so your coach can actually work with you in what's real. If life blew up if you didn't sleep, um, if you skip three days because work was chaos, that information matters. I know I mentioned this in prior podcasts, I mentioned this with athletes, I mentioned this athletes um that I'm or potential athletes that I have uh consulting calls with, um that does that mat that information matters. If you are sick and you skip three days because you were sick for two or three days, that matters. If you were tired because work's been crazy, that matters. Um, it matters because if you are sick, um I would react differently than you. Hey, I overslept today, so I missed this run. Um, and then I overslept a second day. That to me that means you're probably tired. But like it is very different. Oversleeping sickness is different, work stress and sickness is very different. Um, all the things that are going on, so again, you don't have to give all every single piece of information to me or a coach if you're not comfortable or if you just don't want to at that time, but you do need to give an explanation of those things. It matters, context matter, information matters. Um, you cannot be coached around the information your coach doesn't have. Um, that seems to me like a very simple statement, but I've already imagined this. Like, if I don't have the information, it is very hard to program um the person. Sometimes people will hesitate, and I do understand that, but sometimes like I can see stuff and I ask and I ask and I know something's up, but it's not told to me. And that is a very difficult coach-athlete relationship because it is very hard to program someone if they are not talking about things. Remember, you are a whole ass human, your coach is also a whole ass human. So remember that they are still going. I know I go through stuff too that are very similar. Sometimes an athlete doesn't mean I'm like, oh yeah, I'm feeling that. I'm in it too. I'm in it too. Um, so just so you know, your coach does have similar things happen to them too. They are also athletes typically, uh, at least when it comes to the trail running coach world. Um, so they are athletes, so they get it, they get life happens. Um, it can be a little bit different if you have a coach who is an elite coach who their job maybe they coach and they run and they don't have a like different corporate job out of there, that can look different, but they're still human and they still have things that happen in their life. Um and as a coach, like hiding the hard stuff doesn't protect you. Um, so I get it. It's again, it's that whole judgment. It's a whole, oh my gosh, we're gonna be in trouble, or ugh, like this is not gonna look good, or I'm just embarrassed. Um, but what it does mean is when you're hiding that hard stuff, your program is built on a lie. And that is a very blunt way to put it, but it's not built on truth. Um, so your programming is gonna be harder to follow. Um, you can be more at risk for burnout, injury, um, and all of that because your program is not built based on what's really happening in your life. Um, and that's a huge bummer, by the way. Um, but being truthful, being honest, and being with a coach who you can like talk to, that's why this is important. And it's not just important for running, yes, that programming matters, right? Like you hired somebody, you are paying somebody. I know some people say coach is a necessity. I am not the person who's marketing that coaching is a luxury, and you are paying somebody to help you with your running. Um, but yes, all of that is important, but if you are trying to be perfect, if you're trying not to get judged with with your coach, you are probably trying to do that in other parts of life. Um, maybe all other parts of life. I don't know you exactly, so I can't say that it's every single piece of life, but more than likely if you're worried about judgment with somebody who you are paying, you are probably worried about it in other facets of your life. So keep that in mind. Be honest, be open. And just remember, you're not gonna get you're not getting in trouble. I'm not calling you the principal's office. I can help you better, I can get you to where you want to be when you are being honest. Or if you continue to um do things that will hurt your goals, your coach and myself included in these coaches needs to be able to be honest back to you, which is where we're gonna get to. What's my job as a coach? But you definitely have to have that, because if not, you're not gonna get to where you want to be. And if you don't have a coach being honest back to you, like that's a whole nother issue, too. So I would say if you have a coach who's not being honest with you and open, again, it may not be intentional, they also may be worried too about hurting your feelings. Um, but you've got to have that open relationship, those open conversations. Now, what is my job? Whew, man, it's a good one, let me tell you. But let's not tell you what you can can't do throughout your life. You're a grown-ass adult with a real life. Period. So I'm not here to be like, well, you can't go to happy hour. Well, you can't go on vacation, well, you can't do this, uh, you should do that, all these things. That is not my job. Um, not my job at all. My job is to take all the information you've given me, all the skills, knowledge, and that I have about running and strength training and everything, and make a program built for you. Um, so I am very big on um how, especially in the ultra running world, but just just all running in general, like it's a very unique experience, and it's good for it to be customized towards you. To have that customization that's right for you, I need to know the things. Um, but again, that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell you what you can and can't do. But I am gonna be honest that if you are doing all of these things, these are gonna impact your running in a negative way. You're not gonna hit your goals. We need to adjust your goals. We need to adjust that race that you're doing. You want to do a 50k, but your training is showing me and your life is showing me that you're not ready for this. Um, or you're not going to be ready for this. So, if but again, that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell you exactly what to do in life, but I'm gonna tell you when you make a choice that it how it impacts your training. Um, that could be as simple as, hey, like, I'm taking a two week vacation and I'm not gonna run. And I'm gonna be like, at all? And you have a hundred miler coming up, uh like we need to have a conversation about how we need to adjust what the heck's happening, right? Um, and it could be that um it could be just like, hey, like I am not gonna be able to do back-to-back long runs. And for me, when you're training for a longer distance, like there are back-to-back long runs that should be included in that training plan. Um, so that's gonna be a whole nother conversation, right? But my job is you when you tell me all the information, first of all, it's to not be a judge, because that is not that's not what I do. It's also not to tell you what you can and cannot do, but it's there to be like, okay, like you can't do these things, here's the impact. Or I might even say I'm not comfortable coaching you because what you these guidelines you're putting in, these boundaries you're putting in, that's great. You have these boundaries. However, what you want to do does not match up with how I coach and how to get you to your goals. So, as a coach, if a coach doesn't this, you need to be able to do that too. Be able to be honest and not just try to get athletes in um and think like, well, like I can still work with them. You gotta be honest with yourself too, coaches. Um, but again, like what we as coaches have to do and as hi coach, we don't want to sh I don't want to shame you. I don't want to guilt you, I don't want to make you feel like you failed. Like, I just want to have that back and forth, have that open um, open communication, that dialogue, um, so I can program you to the best of my ability. And again, like I do, I do like the customized programming, that's my one-to-one coaching. Is I do have a uh group program that I'm working on for a specific race called Chasing the Sun. More information to come on that, where I'm going to have templated plans, but you're still gonna get some advice from me along the way. Um, but like my job as a coach is for you to understand, like, you are not like that other person. Um, I this right, social media is huge. People are on social media, they're seeing what other people are doing, they can know people who are doing the same race, and they're like, well, my programming doesn't look like hers. I mean, I have pl I have athletes doing the exact same race, and their programming doesn't look exactly the same. They're on different schedules, they have different backgrounds, they have a different experience. Um, there's so many different things. So um my job is to be able to also explain those things of why it looks differently. And normally it's fairly easy, hey man, like this person's done a 500 milers, you haven't done one of them like before. This person has this goal, your goal is this. Like, it's pretty easy to explain, but you have to also be able to get in the weeds because some people love the extra information, they love to learn why they're doing something for themselves, but also sometimes like, well, why am I not doing this? Because this person does this. Um, one issue that I've had, and this is not like specifically with my athletes, just in general, whenever like I've I've I've talked to friends, I have lots of trail running friends if you're wondering, but they will base their training around what an elite runner is doing, or around what an influencer is doing, or be like, hey, like, and they start trying to do certain things that a certain person is doing because they've done so well in a race. I'm gonna let you know, guys, those people are doing different things than you're doing because of their experience level, because they have to push harder to get that 1% better in theirs. We everyday athletes don't have to push like they do, and it could also actually lead to that injury and burnout, like I've talked about before, because our bodies are net set up to be able to do that. Does that mean you can't take advice from an elite? No, there are some workouts that I've seen that um elites do that they share. I'm like, oh, it's a really good workout. That's something an everyday athlete would be able to do. Um, and that'd be great for this part of the training block, or that'd be great for this type of race that this person's training for. So I'm not saying don't ever do that kind of thing, but you have to watch yourself when you get over that line. And that's where it's my job as a coach to help you align with what you are, what what you need, all those things. If you have if you've told me you have a certain goal at a certain distance, here's you, here's what I've done in the past, here's what my life schedule looks like, it is my role to keep you in line with that. And not necessarily ignore what everybody else is doing, but be able to quiet that noise. Um, because I think you can learn a lot from other runners, whether it's they had a bad race or the great race. Um, so I would never not want to pull that from you, but it's my job to be able to keep your mind on what you're doing and why, why you're doing what you're doing. And then if you want me to help you out with like, well, this person's doing this, it's also my job to help explain that. So, my job is, with all that rambling, is really to tell you when something is impacting your training, your goals. And that's not a judgment from me, that's data. Really, that is seriously what that is. That is me saying, hey, you do this, that's that's gonna impact you. You want to run a hundred-mile race, but you only want to run three days a week, that's gonna be tough, and let me tell you why. Um so you have we you want to be have a coach who is willing to do those things. If you see a coach who's always like, Yeah, you can do it, yeah, I would say there's something going on there. Also the opposite way, if you have a coach coach that's always telling you no, like that also might be wrong, too. So, um, as a coach, again, like I need to be able to have that data and be able to be honest with you. You also have to take that information and realize it's not a judgment. Um, and if it is a judgment, if you feel like you're being judged, what the heck's that about? So, again, not every coach is amazing, not every coach is even good, but also like you as an athlete have certain things you have to do with that, like we've already talked about. Um and also there's this big difference between you shouldn't have done that and here's what this means for this week and how I need to adjust. So um, I always say don't should yourself, don't shouldn't yourself either. But like if if you hear somebody tell you you shouldn't have done that, what do you do? You back off, you close yourself off, you feel some kind of way. You're in your feels, right? And I I think that is very valid. Um, I do not like people say you should do this, you shouldn't do this, right? Like, you shouldn't do meth. I mean, I'm totally fine with people saying that. But like, ah, you shouldn't have gone out to happy hour. Um What the heck? Like, you're an adult, you're 40 years old. Um, now, go to happy hour before you do a long run, and then you drink too much, then you have to cut your long run short or you can't get up for it. Yeah, that's gonna impact you, especially if it's during peak week. But as a coach, if you've told me you've you've done something, like you're like, uh, I went to two happy hours this week, and I ate something that I know impacts like how I feel, uh, and like this is it. So it's like, okay, well, I can see what happened this week. Um, since like the long run was cut short, uh, the the tempo work that uh was supposed to be out there was not done, like here's how we're gonna have to adjust this. I'm also honest that if this is a consistent pattern, this is not gonna help you at all when you're running. I bring up alcohol throughout this because that's the one thing I've seen, and I'm not saying just them at my athletes, I mean in general with people I know, just so we all know. So if anybody's feeling attacked, I'm sorry, that's not the goal, but like I I have made a lot of people who are super social, which is great, but then they cannot control like, or they can't, they are not controlling like what they're putting into their bodies, and a lot of times that can be alcohol, and then they're like, oh my god, like my runs are doing this. So this is not a judgment again. I have had my own issues with alcohol, period. So that and outside of running before I was a trail runner, so it's not a judgment, but it does mean okay, what the heck's going on, and what do we need to adjust and what needs to change for you for you to hit your goal? And again, that's not me saying you shouldn't do this. It's like, let's look at what it what it is you need to do for you. Is that saying don't go on vacation, don't have a drink with friends, don't go to uh a concert or a basketball game or anything. That's not what that means. Um, that just means like we have to plan around that. Uh what I do for my own coach uh is and I have athletes do this for me too, which is fan freaking tastic, there are some nights where like I have a concert, and it's not even like it could be in Phoenix, but it could be somewhere else. And I know that next morning, especially in hot weather, I'm not probably gonna get up and do a run the next day. Um, and that could be because like we don't get home till midnight or one in the morning. It's not because of anything else, but I'm just being real of like if I go to this concert, I stay out late, I if I try to get up and do, say, an hour-long run, um, all I'm gonna do is be tired, and then the very next day I'm supposed to have a long run, and I'm still tired, so I'm still having that fatigue from that. So instead, I'm just like, hey, so in my notes, I'm just like, hey, like, I I'm not gonna be able to run on this day. Um sometimes I'll put something in there if I think it's gonna like add context, like it's gonna help with the program, but sometimes it's just more like, hey, like, I'm I'm going to bed late the night before. I'm not gonna get up and run. Now, if you are doing that all the time, it's very different. But why am I saying you should do that? That way the coach knows. Like, I've when I know stuff, it's like, okay, cool, like I can adjust that week for you very easily, knowing, hey, this is just an off day for me. Um, I also love, and I ask this this of my athletes, um, my job is to be like, okay, what day are you absolutely not going to run? Period. Not gonna run. Give it to me. That way I know what the heck, where their head's at, what they have going on in their life. I have some athletes who do not run on Sundays, it is family day, and that is fine. I have some athletes who absolutely want to run on Mondays because they like to start their week off with a run. Like that's just what they like, and they like themselves mentally. So, but an athlete, it is not their job to know exactly what to tell a coach. It is my job to know that I need to ask those questions. Hey, when are you not gonna run? Like, seriously, what day of the week? And I have some who are like, man, I'm gonna run any day you give me. And they they mean it, and that works out. I also like to know, hey, what day of the week do you really like to run? Um, like, because like so there's that Monday morning kind of thing for some people. I also ask, what day do you want to do your or will you do your long run? Because I build a lot of things around around long runs. Like if I know your long run's gonna be on a Saturday, okay, here's whatever your hard workout's gonna be. Here's what I'd like you to lift, here's when I want you to do these things. Um, if your long run's on a Wednesday, which does happen sometimes, I'm gonna work around that too. So, but my job is to be able to ask those questions, um, because it's not always on the athlete to know exactly it's it's it to know exactly what to say to me. Um granted, once we have the relationship built and I feel like that's how I work the best with my athletes, normally they're they're coming out with more stuff. They're like, wait, Brittany means what she's saying, she's not gonna judge me, she needs this for data, she needs to be able to program me, she wants this goal for me because I've told her this is what I want. So a lot of times that's when a conversation being was more free-flowing, but especially in that beginning part of the relationship, it is my job to be asking these questions. At least that's how I see um my relationship with my athletes, is I need to be asking the questions. And you can ask, I have a couple newer athletes right now, they got a bunch of questions up front, and I'm still asking them a couple questions just because I want to make sure I'm understanding their needs, what's going on in their life. Um, if anything's changed. I've had some people start to work with me and they're like, I want to do a 50K, or I want to want to do a marathon or whatever it is, and then within a couple months, they're like, you could tell they're actually shy about it. They're like, um, so I know I said I wanted to do a 50k, and I do still, but now I think after that, like, I want to do something more. I want to do it because they start getting that confidence in themselves. But what's crazy to me is I can see they're hesitant to even say that goal. I mention that in my intro all the time, like, hey, you feel like you have this goal sitting quietly in the back of your mind, you're not sure you're allowed to want. That's something too that is my job as a coach, is to kind of pull that out of you. Ask some questions, see what's going on, see why you're so hesitant, see what's happening up there. So that is a huge thing for my coaching, especially when it comes to coaching women. It's also my job, and this is more logistical than anything, to let you know how we communicate. Uh, my athletes, my one-to-one athletes, they have unlimited communication with me, but I have specific ways I like them to communicate with me. So, for example, I use final search for where their training information is, where their programming is. If I want to know how your like long run went and what you ate and all of that, that goes in the comments and final search. And I have a certain turnaround time to actually respond to those comments if a comment is even warranted. If it's just like, hey, this is what I ate. Um, sometimes I don't, I'm like, well, I don't really need to respond. There's no question, there's nothing weird going on. Now, if they're not eating enough, I'm gonna be like, okay, hey, I see this is what you ate. How did you how were you feeling? Um, here's what you drank. Were you did you feel hydrated? Did you feel like you needed to do better? Things like that. But final surge is like that specific, like, about your runs. Um, and a lot of times, like, what did you eat before your run? Just so I can make sure you're actually fueling your runs and that kind of stuff. Um, another example is like texting. That's more, and people text like crazy. I do too, so it is used more often, and that's okay with me, by the way, because that is I've said that's okay. Um, if your coach does not do texting, that is actually okay. Um, they just need to they need to communicate how they want to be communicated with. But texting is more of like just some quick updates, some real life stuff, you know. Somebody missed a run, somebody needs a last minute adjustment. Um, maybe not even last minute, they're just like, hey, like, in two days, you know, like I actually thought I could run this day and I can't, what can we do? Um, so like schedule adjustments. Um, if you're sick, uh, if whatever, like that's what texts are for. Um, sometimes it's more they're just struggling with their schedule, struggling in life. That so that's what I'll use texts for, but it's just going, it's the it's a lot of times it's those going back and forth, and I have a shorter turnaround time for those because those are for me more and more urgent, and they're not always super urgent. It's not always to every it's not always a fire, right? But it's more these need response faster than what a final surge or an email would do. And that's the next piece too, is for me, email. I do use email, I'm always like, hey man, you got something like thought-provoking or not urgent going on, you know, because sometimes I do have people thinking about stuff and they will type it out to me and shoot it through email. When I get an email, it gives me longer time to like read it. It's done, it's not the quick hit of a text message. Um, and for me, it's like it gives me more time to respond and digest what was written to me. It's also the way that um people let me know, like, if they have a vacation going. Um, put if I like it in email. I don't want a text message for that because then I've got to keep track of that text message. Um, and that is much harder. I am not always by my computer to be able to put a note in final search that says, hey, this person has a vacation here, we need to make work with this kind of schedule. So, why am I telling you this, these details? Because you need to know how you will be communicating with myself if I were your coach or with any coach. You need to know that. And you need to be okay with how they chow they are choosing to communicate with you. It is important. If you are um an athlete who really just wants somebody to program you, um, you'd you're not too worried about accountability, it's just more your life is busy, and you just need something on a calendar so you can just go out and run without really thinking about it, like you'd probably be okay having limited communication. I mean not having to text them all the time. If you are an athlete who uh needs a little bit more support, uh has more things that go through their mind, uh, has this crazy schedule, um, just needs more of that back and forth, you're gonna want a coach who does have uh either more communication channels or like me, more unlimited communication, so you can do that. Um, and again, it is on your coach to be able to explain what the communication looks like and um be able to also set those boundaries with you of maybe if something's over the line or you're not being honest, right? So communication important. I hope what you're getting from this is like the communication piece is so important, and being able to communicate honestly and comfortably is very important. And again, in the beginning, if it's not quite comfortable, it could just be the unknown. But if that as that relationship keeps going and going, and it's still you're there's some level of discomfort for you and something's not going on, first of all, you know, just see if maybe it's it's you, because it could be, but also realize that sometimes that relationship is not meant for you, and you might need to move on. So that's why this new the new Sunrise Trails uh How We Work Together uh document even exists now. Um, because I would explain a lot of this verbally, but then now I can just be like, hey, like here's what this says, you know, take a look at it. I think what it does is it works better when both people know what to expect from each other. So this is something that it's just like it makes my coaching, I feel like, better because I don't have to constantly be explaining how things work, uh, what I'm looking for, how I need you to communicate with me, what questions I need you to answer, like in and final surge for like how your run went. This just lets you know exactly what's up. And for me, I feel like that is my job as a coach. It is to let you know these things. Um, and again, I feel like I was doing it verbally, but I realized I was doing it over and over again verbally, and then I couldn't be like, actually, like, hey, look at this document too. It's not that I won't explain it to you. I am verbose, guys, so I have no problem explaining things, but it's nice to have this document so people can see it and get it and know from the very beginning of this relationship. This is what they get when they sign with me. They get this whole entire um relationship agreement, they know the expectation from both sides. Boundaries, communication, all the things. So and remember that boundaries do go both ways. You know what to expect from me now, right? Like if you have that agreement, um, and what I need is on that honesty from you. I need that communication. I don't want you to feel judged, I don't want you to sugarcoat it, I want you to tell me what's going on in your life. Because that is the best way to be coached. So, I feel like I've got a fourth section here. It's like, why does this actually matter for you? I feel like I've kind of told you that already, but we're gonna hit this then because I might have put some things in here that are awesome. So, but think about this if you are straight with your coach, you're gonna get better outcomes. Um, and I know we talk about like focus on what you can control, right? But when you're focusing on those controllables, typically you do have better outcomes. Yes, you could trip and fall on a trail, yes, you could roll your ankle, yes, it could be super hot, yes, the race could be super muddy, something can happen. But normally when you are straight with your coach, you're getting the program you need, and you need because of that, you're gonna get better outcomes. And that doesn't necessarily mean because you're more disciplined than somebody who's not doing that, but it means because that programming reflects your actual life. And that is so important. I hope you got that from this too, outside of communicate the communication piece, the honesty piece, is you need programming that reflects your actual life, not just the goals you have for running. It has to include all of it. Your real life legs, your real life time, your real life circumstances, all the things. Like me, I play slow pitch, I play pickleball, I have uh every Wednesday night beer night. Like these are all real life things that I'm doing, and I have to take those into account. And I do, if I'm ever feeling some kind of way, some kind of tired, my coach needs to know that, hey, look at all these things I'm doing. Yeah, of course you're tired. So these real life things need to be known by the coach so they can program you, or also be like, hey, Brittany, you're training for a 200 plus smile, maybe you should nix pickleball for a little bit. I use that example kind of in a silly way, but that's actually what happened during the training block is um I actually nixed it myself because I realized how busy my calendar was and how tired I was gonna be trying to squeeze more stuff in. But it is just being honest, telling your coach, like these are the things that are going on, and as a coach, I can I again I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but I can be like, hey, like a lot of the stuff looks, you know, like extracurricular, things that might not be a have to do. Is there something for the time being because of how you're telling me that you're tired, you don't have time to do certain things with your family or or whatever it is you need? Well, maybe we can talk about there's some things that need need to go by the wayside for the next few months during training. Because if you expected to live your life as it was and then start training for 50k or 100k or 100 miler, you're not being realistic. And hopefully you have a coach can tell you that that's not realistic. Your life will change somewhat when you are training for something bigger. Um, because you're taking more time to do something else. You're taking more energy to do something else. That means your time and energy had need to be taken from a different spot. Hopefully that made sense. Um, but again, why is that? Because a plan built around who you actually are will always be the perfect plan built around who you wish you were. You cannot build a plan around who you wish you were. People can call those, I think they're aspirational plans. Um, you need to be real. You need to have a plan built around where the hell you are, not where the hell you want to be or you wished you were. Uh, the goal is not a coach-athlete relationship where you're performing for your coach. I am not here. I am not judging your performance. I do not want you to be like, well, like, I need to do all these things for you, Brittany, as a coach. I want you to do these things for you. So that's not the relationship. That's not for me to be like, hey, yay, good for you. I say that by the way, I'm stoked for my athletes. They know it, they see it. I'm like, fuck yeah, all the time when they do something amazing. But I don't want their goal in our relationship to perform for me. Uh, the goal is one where the coach actually can see you and build something that works for you. So as a coach, that's what I do. I want it, I want to see you. See the real you, hear about you, figure out your life, figure out your running, figure out your goals, and build something that works for you. Period. You pay me, the goal is to make the program work for you, and that can only be done with all the things we just talked about. I have a role, you have a role. Um, we also go come in with these preconceived notions about like what coaching is. So we have things that we have to work through. Sometimes we work through them together, sometimes you gotta figure out your own shit, sometimes I gotta re-evaluate it. It's like, ah, maybe I need to adjust them as my coaching to be better. But either way, that ultimate goal is where I need to see you, see the pieces of you, see your real life, see what everything is, and build something that works just for you. So take this away from here, okay? Coaching, it's not a performance. You don't have to show up for me with your best week every single week. You just have to show up honest. I can work with a hard week, I can work with a blown plan, a sick kid, a sick pet, a weekend that went completely sideways, a work trip, a vacation. What I can't work with is not knowing. So if you're in a coaching relationship with me or with anyone, give them that real version. Give them the whole ass picture. That's where the good work actually happens. Show up as a whole ass human, and I'm gonna treat you as a whole ass human. Alright, thank you so much for being here, spending time with me. Uh, if you love this episode, make sure you download it, follow the show, leave a rating or view, share it with a friend. It does help more people uh get this podcast, and that would be amazing for the good for the crowd to grow. Alright, now go move your body, drink some water, stretch your calves, and if you're listening while running, loosen your shoulders. You're welcome. Good effort, positive attitude.