Don't Give Up On Love | Easter Reset for Finding Your Partner

Feeling disillusioned after too many failed dates, one-sided connections, or introductions that went nowhere? You're not alone—and this Easter season is the perfect time for a mini reset in your love life.

In this heartfelt episode of Love and Life Sorted, Dr. Sandy To explores why it's so tempting to give up on finding a partner when things haven't worked out, especially for successful, educated, and assertive women. She draws wisdom from the classic "He's Just Not That Into You," shares a powerful ancient Chinese proverb ("Each suitor is your enemy before they commit"), and offers practical advice on protecting your heart without closing it off completely.

Learn how to:

• Handle rejection and heartbreak without losing hope
• Balance vulnerability with healthy emotional armor
• Reinvigorate your intentions for love without upending a fulfilling single life
• Treat dating like publishing a book—you only need one "yes" to change everything

Whether you've been waiting years for something serious or feel your career success makes dating harder, this episode reminds you that failure is part of the journey to success. Easter is about rebirth and second chances—use this midpoint of 2026 as your personal reset to rediscover hope and keep pursuing the love you deserve.

Don't let past disappointments dim your future. Tune in for encouragement, real-talk insights, and motivation to stay open to love.

Subscribe to Love and Life Sorted for more empowering dating and life advice, and follow us on Instagram for extra content!

#DontGiveUpOnLove #FindingLoveAfter30 #DatingAdviceForWomen #SuccessfulWomenDating #EasterReset #SecondChancesInLove #LoveLifeReset #DatingDisappointment #HesJustNotThatIntoYou #AccomplishedWomen #RelationshipAdvice #SingleAndThriving #ReinventYourLoveLife #PodcastForWomen #SociologyOfLove #RelationshipExpertInsights #LifeFulfillmentMethods

🔑 Key Topics 

• Easter as a mini reset and second chance for your love life
• Why it's common to feel like giving up after failed dates and introductions
• Handling one-sided connections and the "He's Just Not That Into You" mindset
• The Chinese proverb: Each suitor is your enemy before they commit
• Protecting your heart with emotional armor while staying open to love
• Challenges faced by accomplished, assertive, and career-focused women in dating
• Balancing vulnerability and self-protection to avoid repeated disillusionment
• Reinvigorating your intentions and reaffirming your desire for a partner
• Why you only need one "yes" — the book publishing analogy for finding "the one"
• Mid-year re-evaluation of your dating journey and breaking the status quo

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hi everyone, welcome back to Love and Life Sorted. I'm Dr. Sandy Toe, and Easter is all about second chances. Yeah, it's all about like giving yourself the chance to reinvent yourself, to like be reborn again, right? And why not do the same thing for your love life? If you feel that it's not what you hope it should be, and you still haven't found a partner yet, and you're about to give up, this is the time of the year to remind yourself not to give up. Yeah, because Easter, yeah, it's it's about reinventing yourself. Yeah, so whatever is not going like you want, it's time to give yourself a second chance to pursue what you have left off. It is like a mini reset again, I think. I I would deem that this time of the year is a bit of a mini reset. Like the big reset comes in the end of the year, right? So this is like, you know, considering like the midpoint sort of um uh before December but after January, like after this year, it's like the first mini reset of of the year of 2026. So yeah, it's a time to re-evaluate, you know, do like a mid-year re-re-evaluation of where you've come this far and uh whatever's not working and whatever you have given given up on, it's time to rediscover it. Yeah, and to maybe, you know, do things differently, or just like uh even if there's nothing like tremendously different you could do, that at the very least you could redefine your intentions or you can uh reinvigorate them. Reinvigorate your desires of the year. Yeah, so okay, so when it comes to partner choice or finding a partner, we all know, you know, we've all been there before. Uh, it's so so easy to want to give up because of various reasons, right? So, yeah, it could be that you, you know, you tried uh you you've tried and tested a few candidates uh and they didn't work out. It may be people that you've you've met and you've interacted for, like for a bit, or like they've come your way from introductions, some you know, friends or some well-meaning family and friends, they introduce someone to you, you know, a few candidates, and they didn't work out for various reasons. And you know, each time it doesn't work out, um you you feel like a a little bit deflated. Yeah, we we we all know this feeling, right? We've all been there before, and uh this is not something to be ashamed about, or it's just like when you know you got like uh a not so good results uh in your project uh or at work or something, you got into like a a tough patch uh in your work, or you you got grades you weren't happy with uh on an assignment. It it's it's all the same thing, you know. You you you feel a little discouraged, of course. Like it's like, yeah, you ask yourself, you know, what did I do wrong that made me fail this project or didn't do well enough in this project or didn't land the result that I wanted. Uh how can I, you know, what can I do next time to improve it? And what happens if I don't get better at it? You know, you you you you there's a lot of self-blame in there and you feel quite discouraged. And the the feeling that what happens if it happens again next time that I don't get better at it, or uh I produce the same uh unsatisfactory results again next time. Uh you know, how do I live with myself? Or, you know, uh you you don't really have the courage to pursue it again, right? So you you might think of maybe working on another project that doesn't entail the same effort. Uh it's not as difficult as this one. You know, like you you you want to take the easy way out. You just feel like the feeling that you don't know if you're gonna fail again, and you there's only that much you can take, I think. Uh especially in matters of the heart. Yeah. Yeah, it is slightly different from getting bad grades. I know, like getting bad grades, it's it's nothing compared to getting like a bad result or like uh an un undesirable results in love. Yeah, so uh there as I said, there are many reasons why think things didn't work out. It may be that uh you thought you had a connection with someone, you know, uh it it it it ended up being one-sided, and that person just didn't reciprocate, and that's a big blow to us, I think. Like a big blow to our confidence. We just feel yeah, we just feel like we've failed, and we we feel like we don't know what happened, then it's out of our hands, like something that's out of our control, and we just feel bad, like we've taken a punch, you know, in our stomach, and you know, the air is taken out of us. Uh we we have all these sort of like happy thoughts and these uh happy fantasies of us uh having a potential future with this person, but you know, it just ends up that they they didn't pursue it for some reason of theirs. It's either they, you know, they're just not that into us, right? You know that uh that book written by the sex and nicity scriptwriters, and there was a movie starring like a like an all-star cast like Jennifer Aniston and uh Drew Barrymore, etc. Yeah, like um it it's about when uh these girls they they think that someone is into them, and uh it happened that they weren't. Uh like the these people were were giving them signs that they ignored, like such as uh not calling them and not asking them out, or just uh basically not enthusiastic in pursuing them. Yeah, and like girls, they sometimes they get wrapped up in uh the illusion that uh these guys have various excuses b like for their lack of interest, such as they may be caught in an accident or they may encounter like a power jam, uh, or they may be stranded in a lift uh in the elevator, right? Like they they couldn't access their phones or their phone ran out of battery, you know, stuff like that. You know, they they conjure up a lot of excuses uh to justify why those guys didn't pursue them. Yeah, and so like this book uh it is a wake-up call. Like he he's just not that into you. It's like a wake-up call for for women, uh telling them to just uh don't waste their time, yeah, and don't uh don't get lost in the fantasy because like the guys what they what they tell you or I mean what they don't tell you, yeah. I mean what they don't do speaks for itself. Nothing nothing more that you need. Yeah. The fact that he's not calling you, not picking up the phone, not like texting regularly, not even asking you out to see you physically, those are just telltale signs that he's not that into you. Okay, so um I know like as women we all make that mistake. That's why this book has become like such an international bestseller for so many years, and that movie really took off as well. Uh it's it's just because it's a thing we do. Like we we don't it we we find it like a bit hard to accept uh the puncturing of our our fantasy, like the potential that this person is for us, right? Because uh, you know, we we each time we open our hearts and we we try to let someone in, it it's a big deal for us, and like it's taking a really big risk, right? Uh so in you know, in Chinese there's a proverb, it's like each suitor of yours is your enemy. Yeah, before they commit. Yeah, so that that is that is true, you know. It's like a a knife in the heart, but it goes somewhat like that. It's like um each of your suitors before they have committed to you, they're your enemy. Uh-huh. Because they hold the power to break your heart. Yeah, so so uh before they commit, like and like all of your suitors who are not committing yet, before that level of commitment is reached, they are all potential culprits of breaking your heart. Yeah, so they're they're like your enemy. You you should treat them like the enemy uh and not the the friends, okay? So they're they're more foe than friends before they have committed, right? So yeah, I mean in them they they hold the reins to to breaking your heart. Because like while you're you're there thinking that this may work out and having these dreams that uh you know of your future and everything, like they're they're they're sitting they're they're sitting on it and they're not doing anything with it, right? So so if they it like they they have all the potential, you know, they have all the power of shattering your dreams. So yeah, remember that. Like I I think this is a very good proverb to remember. And you know, once you remember that, you'll be more shielded uh from grief. Yeah, uh and just unnecessary grief. You'll you'll be wearing like a a suit of armor to shield your heart from unnecessary grief. Yeah, though well that's not to that's not to say that you shouldn't open up to anyone, of course. Like that that's also like the um that's like the other extreme end of the pendulum that you shouldn't venture either. It's like you you you can't shut yourself completely, that you're completely oblivious to anyone's interests. Of course that's not r that's not right too, but you you also can't be, you know, wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time to be like very vulnerable to to pain and heartbreak. Because, you know, that will ultimately be the thing that makes you disillusioned in finding a partner. Because like if you experience like that that disillusionment, that heartbreak all the time, like very frequently, like one after the other, then of course you will be very disillusioned in finding a partner. Of course you want to give up, right? It's like you you keep filling in uh like a submission form to enter into like a certain college or university, and then you keep getting rejected. Like how many years can you wait uh until you get accepted? Which may never happen, right? Like you keep you can't keep like doing the same thing and uh you know keep getting rejected and keep trying. I don't think you know there's only like a number of years that you can do that, I think. So I think it's the same as protecting yourself, you know, shielding yourself uh from you know too much vulnerability. Because if it happens like too many times, then like anyone would be very hardened and would give up. Yeah, and for accomplished women especially, uh it's it's also that we have another dilemma. Even before we you jumped into this fantasy of making it work with someone, uh we've already been rejected. Right? Like so if if this person was uh introduced to us by a friend, then chances are they would be honest and tell our introducer that uh we were too accomplished for them. Uh or they they just felt that they wanted someone who was like less aggressive or they want someone who's more like demure and just like more chill and you know doesn't want that much of a career or something. Like they yeah, they just don't want to deal with women who have a lot of views they want to express, right? So of course, women who are educated and accomplished, they have their own viewpoints and they want to express it, right? They're assertive in their own right. I uh you know, I've never met a woman who is very accomplished, very educated, and not assertive at all. Yeah, that it doesn't exist, right? So these two things they go in tandem. Like if you are like very wise, like you you are like very accomplished uh and very successful, of course you, you know, you you have something to show for it. Like you you want to express yourself freely and you have a lot of unique views that people don't have. And that's that contributes to your success. You know, that that's what makes you so successful is because of your you know, your uniqueness, like your your like the the way the the views that you have that people don't have. And like the reason you got there was because of your courage to express yourself, right? So yeah, of course, like some some guys like they they may not be put off by you, your diploma or something on paper, which you know it's it's not like you mention all the time, you don't always like shove it in their face or something. It's it's more like they don't like the fact that you're always expressing yourself so assertively. So they they just don't want to deal with all that, and they want to find someone who doesn't talk that much, probably.

unknown 14:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Hmm. Yeah, because first of all, like it's it's a renowned fact that most guys, like they don't they themselves, they're they're not huge talkers. We're not talking about talk show hosts, like those renowned social media hosts or something, social media personalities, like those are you know one in a million, of course, like the the successful ones, like how many are there, right? Um right, so so like guys themselves, like usually they don't want to have very long, intense conversations with with women in general, and and so like if you know you're a woman who has a lot of views, who wants to express yourself a lot, who's always asking to converse, uh to exchange, then like like some of the guys, they just can't deal with it. Yeah, so like I I have an example, okay? So I I know this guy. Uh I can't say that there was anything that happens between us, but a long time ago, like I just know this guy, along with a group of guys who are, of course, the like the same flock, uh, birds of the same feather. Uh like they would hang out together, right? Like, they don't really want to talk much or go into anything like really deep convos or anything. And so I remembered go like uh there was a time when I had to hang out with these people because I had a group of friends who were mutual like I had some girlfriends who are friends with these people. So oh, so when remember when we were young, we always were like stuck in groups that we don't have much affinity with, but we don't have any choice because it's cool to just you know hang out with a bunch of people regardless, right? We we're not very selective when we're young. Okay, when we're in our in when we're in our 20s, we're like just go with the flow. Bring us whoever there is, whoever looks cool, you know, you just hang, you know, you're not you're not very discerning. Right. So like I hung out with this group of people for a few years, and I was just like bored out of my wits, I think, because I I don't feel that I was encouraged to to say much. Like whenever I wanted to like discuss something in depth, maybe just an issue, like not even like nothing like politics or something really serious like that, right? Um just something, maybe a TV show. I just really wanted to like get more to like uh get into more depth about a discussion about like a certain issue or something, a social trend or something. And then like I would always be like sh shut down by these people, like these group of guys. Um and and the girls they hang hang with as well, right? So these group of guys, they were they would just be like, oh chill, man, you know, hey, have a drink, have another drink. Like they would like just shut you off and just completely ignore you when you're trying to anytime you're trying to expound on something, right? And the girls they hung out with, they they go along with that, like that sort of um I I don't know, stereotyping or or those girls maybe they didn't want to talk that much in front of the guys too, right? So uh so so it it ended up that like after I went off to like do my PhD, I just cum completely broke off with that that group of people, like that crowd, because it was just like so not you know, it was just so not working because they they completely like shut you off, like shut you down, they don't they shut you up. Yeah, they don't want to hear anything other than you, I don't know, looking pretty and just being there, like for for for them. Uh you know, it it's just too too much of an effort to make a conversation. So, you know, I don't know what they like nowadays what they discuss with their partners. Probably nothing. Yeah, probably just they just like chill. So there there's nothing wrong about that. It's just not the crowd that uh is compatible with with me. When you're in your 30s, you just break off from old patterns, you don't you just come clean like you you just got a clean break from people that you're not interested in associating with, uh like because you don't have much compatibility, and you were you were forced to do that uh when you were younger, but now you have a choice, like you have commitments and responsibilities and everything, and you just don't have the time to deal with these people, and it's like a waste of time anyway, right? So uh better off just not uh hanging out. Uh back to the thing about reinventing yourself during this Easter. Yeah, so uh if you have ever, you know, had some trouble finding a partner because of what was said before, the b because of what we discussed, uh it's either that like because of a string of suitors that didn't work out and you got your heart broken, or uh you you just sort of felt uh for felt wronged and felt disillusioned uh along the way, or it's because uh you have not met someone that's compatible with you intellectually or something. Or uh, you know, there was a there was a string of introductions that didn't work out and uh you just wished they did, and yeah, like you just felt that it was a waste of your time and everything, and a waste of your emotions. Yeah, so so various reasons, like all we discussed like uh before, and you know, I've encountered, you've encountered, this this really makes us want to give up on love and want to give up on finding a partner because it's just so damn hard to find someone, isn't it? You know, we've waited like 10 years, 20 years, and still there's nothing serious that that that uh that happened. And you know, of course, because uh I guess for women who are really into their careers and everything, of course, there's also a matter of time. Although uh I I have said that you should allocate the time for finding a partner and not just focus entirely on your work, but it's it's easier said than done, I hear you. Because the thing is, there is hardly something you want to change in your life right now, isn't there? Like last week we talked about thriving as a single woman. It it is just so satisfactory, like everything is going quite well with you, isn't it? Like you've you've got like an excellent career, uh, and you've got great friends, and you you know, you've got the independence and everything going, and you're just like really fabulous on your own. So it's like really, really hard to change the status quo if the status quo is quite good, like as it is, right? Yeah, don't fix what's not broken is uh the saying. Yeah, so unless you're like saying, Oh, okay, I'm I'm I'm I'm really broke, or like I I've suffered enough like singles taxes, and I just really want to find someone to share them. Or uh I I'm I'm just like so lonely that I I have to you know you're driven unless you're like driven to to the edge of your, you know, the the precipice, you know, if you've driven you've been driven to the edge and there's nowhere to go but jump, you know, you have to jump either way, then is the time that you're gonna be very committed to to pursuing something. Right? So in f uh as like finding a partner. Right, but but the thing is we're not, right? So that that's what makes it doubly hard to change our status quo. Yeah, so so that's why that is why like during the Easter holiday, like our mini reset. Okay, why why is this a mini reset? Well first of all, it's because of the like religious connotations of Easter, right? So it's like a rebirth of of Jesus. Whether or not you're religious, because well, I'm not religious either, but uh I believe in this this very excellent metaphor because everyone needs a rebirth, right? And anyhow, uh the the reset is is not exactly in like June as we have it, not in the mid mid point of the year, because like it's like summer holidays and no one wants to talk about this. You know, it's like when the summer holidays are here, everyone just wants to lay lay and like go relax and lie on the beach and just uh spend their holidays doing nothing. Like they just they don't want to talk about something so intense like this, right? So that's why I'm talking about it now. Although when you're listening to this, I'm I'm on holiday too, yeah. So I'm doing this in advance for you so that we all get to re-evaluate our lives in a bit. Yeah, so I guess like not only partner choice, but in all aspects of life. We, you know, we we go day in, day out, we do our stuff like day in, day out, and without really uh taking a breather to think about if we're doing this for what, right? So um is this reaching our like ultimate fulfillment? Are we reaching our highest potential? And uh what's the final final product that you want, right? Yeah, so this is an analogy perhaps, like of life and you know, of partner choice. Let's you know not digress too much from our topic, which is uh uh don't give up on finding a partner just because you've encountered many hardships before and there were many unsuccessful attempts. So yeah, this is this is uh a good time to uh to strengthen your affirmation uh that you know if this is what you want, then uh strengthen your strengthen your affirmation to not give up because intention is key, as I said. Intention plus action is key. So as long as you're you're not like giving up and saying that, you know, saying no to people who want to intro introduce you to guys, or saying no to the guy who comes up to you and shows some uh potential or shows some interest, then your chances are increased. Yeah, but but as so long as you say no, then you you've already shut down yourself and you've really weakened your chances. So I think just remember the very, very useful Chinese proverb whenever you know someone approaches you, uh, that they're like they're the enemy before they commit. Yeah, so so I think like uh I I really took that to to heart uh when my mom taug uh taught me that proverb, actually. Yeah, uh because it is an ancient one. So uh I I think maybe a lot of uh old people have heard it. But yeah, once once I got equipped with that, I I learned how to draw a line between my emotions and reality. Yeah, it's like a a reality check. And uh you you you feel more empowered and emboldened in your approach to to love. Yeah, to be honest, you know, I I set that approach too uh when I was like in a courtship with my husband too. Like I I never completely um trusted him before he actually made a commitment. Because like if you you know you basically if you you trust too soon, then you're you know at the risk of getting hurt, right? So just remember that. Like to save ourselves from too much disillusionment that we don't want to keep on going in, you know, finding love, is to, you know, shield ourselves in a way, uh to protect our emotions suitably. Yeah, so remember like to find a balance between letting uh someone in, right? Encouraging someone to pursue you, and to place a bit of an armor uh uh in your heart, on your heart. Yeah, so yeah, I I know it's it's sort of hard, you know, like striking a balance. It's always about the balance, isn't it? For everything in life. So yeah, like it's it's it's I know it's hard, you know. In one sense, you have to let people in, you have to like uh open your heart to uh open your heart to love, uh encourage the men to pursue you, to let them see your other side that's not intimidating, right? But um, while you're doing that, while you're doing the work there and you know making them uh realize how fabulous you are, you also cannot be too vulnerable to their advances. Yeah, you you still have to shield your heart from from hurt, right? So just in case, yeah, so just in case it doesn't work out, uh you've done your best, you've let them in, and still for some reason it doesn't work out. Uh well it can be many reasons, like you know, chemistry between people. It's something we can never um control, right? So, so if it still doesn't work out, it's not your fault, it's not their fault. Uh, as long as they're not leading you on. Yeah, so but then like you have to shield yourself from too much uh disillusion if it doesn't work out, right? So, so that you still have this the the the stamina and the the emotion the the emotions and you still have the courage and the idealism to go on your next quest, right? So for the next partner. If this one doesn't work, of course you're you move on to the next one, and you only just need one to work, right? So I mean this is this is like v very uh synonymous with like uh well if if you're trying to publish a book, uh you're you you send out your book manuscript to like I don't know like a hundred or hundreds, uh tens of hundreds uh of of um agents, literary agents, literary agents, to see who uh wants to uh represent you, right? And uh there's a saying that you just really only need one to say yes, and then you're set, right? So it's the same as like finding an agent is the same as finding a partner. Like you may encounter many rejections uh in your life, but you only need one to say yes, and you're set. Okay. And you you need you found the one, right? So that's why it's called the one, right? So there it's called the one in capital letters for for for a reason. So just remember, like, don't get disillusioned now, uh, no matter how no matter how many rejections you got. So, okay, if you're an author, then that's that's that's great. Then you know the the feeling of rejection. You've been rejected by like, I don't know, tens or thousands of uh tens of hundreds of Asians in your life, and finally you got one who said yes to your book, right? So that that's exactly the feeling that you should have in finding a partner. So you're not you're not like foreign to this um to this rationale, right? So um it's not that hard if you think of it like that, right? So yeah, you're just waiting for that one person to say yes in your life, uh, no matter how many wrong ones there are, it doesn't matter, it'll be a thing of the past, like no one cares, and no one will ever talk about it. You don't care, you know, it's like behind you, like completely, right? It's like old history, just let it go. Yeah, so you're you're you're gonna be ready to embark on one like uh one happy uh future with someone, right? So yeah, I just wanna really take this opportunity uh in this Easter holiday to wish everyone success in reinventing their life, like whatever path, whatever stage you are now. If you're like single and if you're trying to find a partner but feeling a bit disillusioned because it hasn't worked out, it's okay. Yeah, I can tell you it's okay. It'll be a thing of the past once you do find someone, okay? So until that day comes, like when that day comes, everything will be worth it. Yeah, and uh please like remind ourselves not to be disillusioned. And failure is a must. You you have to fail in order to succeed, okay. So yeah, I mean just take this time to reflect and to reaffirm um like your intention and uh reinvent yourself and feel reinvigorated after like this key moment, like this key holiday, and and then you're set for like uh continuing on your partner trust journey again, right? So, yeah, so let's like wish ourselves happy reinvigoration, okay? Yeah, so thank you so much for being here. And uh yeah, have a wonderful, wonderful Easter holiday. And uh remember to subscribe to Love and Life Sorted so you don't miss an episode. And remember to follow our IG page if you want to see more fun stuff. I'll be waiting for you there, and I'll see you again next week. Bye.