Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor
Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor
AAC - Relationships - Difficult Relationships & Challenging Dynamics - Coercive Behaviour - Q5 (Alessandra)
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How can I create a safety plan?
Recovering after coercive control isn't a quick process, and that's normal. As coercion chips away at your confidence, your sense of reality, and your ability to trust your own judgment. So feeling lost, anxious, or even guilty afterwards is a completely understandable response to what you've been through. And recovery is about rebuilding piece by piece the parts of yourselves that were worn down. Now, if you are feeling overwhelmed right now, try this grounding exercise. So look around and name five things that you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you taste. This brings your attention back to the present moment and away from spiraling thoughts about the past or what's to come next, and it's a simple way to settle your nervous system when emotions feel too big to manage. One of the most powerful shifts in recovery is learning to trust your own perceptions again. Coercive relationships often involve being told your version of events is wrong. So start small. So when a thought or memory comes up, ask yourself what do I actually know to be true here based on what I experienced, and you can even write it down if that helps. As this isn't about proving anything to anyone else, but about reconnecting with your own sense of reality, so that over time this rebuilds a self-trust that the coercion tried to take away. Now practically, you can start by focusing on creating safety and a routine. So if you can, making your living space feel like it's truly yours, somewhere that feels calm and secure. Also reconnecting with people you trust, whether that's old friends, family, or new support groups, can help reduce that isolation, which is often part of what coercion creates. As small routines, regular meals, sleep, movement you enjoy, and giving your day structure can all help your body recover from the stress it's been under. Now if you're finding it hard to function on a day-to-day, if the anxiety alloy mood is persisting, or if you're struggling with flashbacks or feeling unsafe in your own mind, then speaking with your GP or a therapist who understands coercive control and trauma can make a real difference. There are also specialist domestic abuse services that can also offer both emotional support and practical guidance around safety planning, finances or legal steps if needed. Now, for more support around navigating difficult relationships and coercive behaviour, you can refer back to the app, and if you are thinking about harming yourself and feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.