AAC - Relationships - Difficult Relationships & Challenging Dynamics - Communication Shutdowns - Q2 (Alessandra)

Why does it happen?

Transcript

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Communication shutdowns are really common in relationships and they can feel confusing, especially when you're on the receiving end. A shutdown is when someone goes quiet, withdraws, or gives one-word answers, or becomes emotionally flat during or after a difficult conversation. And it can look like the other person has switched off or stopped caring, but what's actually happening is usually the opposite. So when someone shuts down, their nervous system has become overwhelmed. This is not always a conscious choice, as for a lot of people is an automatic response, sometimes developed over years in environments where expressing emotion didn't feel safe or was not well received. And for some, staying silent feels safer than risking making things worse. And for others, shutdown happens because engaging in a conversation starts to feel like a situation that can't get right, and that fear of getting it wrong becomes too much to sit with. Now, a communication shutdown is rarely about not caring, it's quite often the opposite. So when we start to see it as a signal of overwhelm rather than indifference, it changes how we respond in ourselves and in others. So if you recognise this in yourself, noticing the early physical signs like tension, the urchin withdrawal, helps give you a bit more choice in how you respond before the shutdown fully kicks in. Now, if you see it in someone else, pushing harder for a response when someone has shut down tends to make things worse. So reducing the pressure in that moment usually does more than persistence does. And a practical starting point is agreeing with someone in your life that it's okay to say I need a short break when things start to feel overwhelming, and to come back to the conversation once things have settled. That is a communication skill and not avoidance. And if talking in the moment is hard, getting thoughts down in writing beforehand can also make conversations feel more manageable. Now, if shutdowns are happening a lot, causing real distress or feeling connected to past experiences, it's worth speaking to someone. A GP can refer you to talking therapies, and a therapist can help you understand what's driving the pattern, and if it's affecting your relationship, then couples therapy is worth considering as well. Now the app has further resources on communication and difficult relationship dynamics that you might find useful. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself and feeling unsafe, then please seek urgent help now by contacting your local emergency number and requisite helpline.