The Relationship Fix You Didn't Know You Needed

Let’s be honest—most of us have spent way too much time trying to change people, fix broken dynamics, or waiting for them to finally “get it.” But the truth? Nothing changes until you do. In this episode, we’re talking about what it really means to fix your side of the street and reclaim the only thing you actually have control over: yourself. You’ll learn why self-responsibility isn’t self-blame, how to recognize the ways you abandon your power, and how shifting your focus inward can radically transform your relationships, your energy, and your life. Ready to get out of the blame loop and back into your power seat? Press play. ▶️

For FREE Resources, KB's Self-Love Merch Shop, book link, 1:1 Coaching and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Transcript

Kristen: 0:00

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Empower Hour with KB. And this podcast is for the soul-led, the heart-centered, and the courageously curious. It is a podcast for seekers, the givers, the sacred rebels, and the one who crave growth, long for deep transformation, and are willing to do the inner work to get there. We will be diving deep into healing, self-discovery, emotional liberation, and soul alignment through honest conversations, spiritual insights, and empowering tools. You will be reminded of your inner wisdom, your worth, and your power to create meaningful change from the inside out. Thank you so much for joining me today. So happy to have you. I have a subject that might, oh, it might make you feel some kind of a way, and that is fixing your side of the street. This is something that I have personally practiced when I realized that I cannot change anybody else. I can only change myself. And I started to work in that direction rather than keeping the focus and the blame on what other people were doing that was hurting our relationship. And sometimes it can be pretty blatant and pretty obvious, can't it? Where our person is doing some things that are just so incredibly destructive. And we try to have these conversations with them in hopes that they will change, but then nothing changes. We get frustrated, resentful. Maybe the relationship ends, maybe we stay with it and it's just toxic and uncomfortable. But deep down inside, we want a different experience. We want to be joyful and happy because we love this person and we want to stay with this person or keep this person in our life. It's not necessarily romantic relationships, it can be all types of relationships. So today I'm going to jump into this topic because I feel it is incredibly serving and empowering. And I'm going to request are you ready? If you're somebody who is brave enough to stay and is curious enough to stay, let's set down that ego for a little bit. Let's set down the desire to be right and to make somebody else wrong. Let's open our hearts and our minds to take some information in that could actually change the course of your relationship. And that is fixing your side of the street, the only side of the street that you have control over. When I learned that, that I can't control other people. That hit deep, it resonated. I sat with it, I thought about it, I ruminated on it. I really wanted to absorb what that meant, and I felt the truth in it. Man, that is so true. We just have no power over there. We only have power right here. So fixing our side of the street means taking radical responsibility for our behaviors. Our behaviors. Some of us might think, well, but it's not me. I'm showing up in a really wonderful way. I am doing all the things that I want them to be doing. So how can it be me? Well, this relationship that you're in is actually a dynamic. So I would love for you to look at it as an equation. There's two parts to an addition equation. There's the first variable plus the second variable, which will equal the sum. It you can also say that's the dynamic of the relationship. So we can't control their variable. We can only control our own variable. So when I took this to heart and I started to really focus on me. Sure, I wasn't doing the things that the other person was doing, but there was somehow that who I am was contributing to an outcome. And I knew that I'm part of that equation. So maybe it's not something that was aggressive, maybe it was something that was passive. Maybe it was something that had built up over time. Maybe I had changed through dealing with this other person. Somehow, some way, there was going to be a part to me that I could uplevel. And I'm here to tell you that since taking this approach in my relationships for many years now, am I graded at 100%? No. But I do work at it, I do think about it. And every time that I've had some upheaval with someone, once I let go of the steam of, oh, they're driving me nuts, they're doing that thing again. And I expressed the energy of that emotion, not to them. I let it out, either venting to myself, venting to a friend, screaming into a pillow, whatever it took to move that. My follow-up question always is: how can I perceive this situation differently? How can I perceive this situation through the lens of what I have control over? Is there some aspect of me that I can adjust, shift, morph, change, or heal that is going to uplevel me? A lot of times people think, well, what happens when I up-level and things go south? Here's the thing: when we up-level, that's growth, and that is positive and high vibration. So although you may not get an instant result by continuing to up-level yourself in some capacity, it could be even the fact that you have not set and maintained boundaries. Some capacity. It could be that you haven't been speaking up. These are just examples. It could be that you could be a little bit more compassionate. It could be that you have joined them in the frenzy. When they start to pop off and get emotional, maybe you've joined in. Maybe you didn't in the beginning, but you are now. So this is all about going within and saying, where can I take responsibility, even if it's something that's not been pointed out to me? Now, this is so interesting because the things that I have taken responsibility for, they came through universe. I said, tell me what to do. Tell me what to shift. What am I not seeing? And at some point, when I was in a quiet mind frame, I would get a response. I would feel it, I would hear it in my mind's ears, and I would say, hmm, I can see that. And we may not think that these micro changes are going to matter, but they do matter. Because again, we're shifting the equation. Let's say our part of an equation was a five, and we shift to a 5.4. That's going to yield a different outcome, isn't it? A different sum. It can't not. So framing it this way has made me understand that I'm putting myself back in the power seat of my life because we are out of our power. We are giving away our power. We are giving away, hmm. I don't know how other how else to say that, when we are solely focusing on the other person's behavior. We're out of our lane. So yes, they may be doing those things, but how can you perhaps handle it differently? So this is what we're talking about again or today. Because I would love to see your relationship start to heal. You know the one. It's already coming to your head. You know the one. Perhaps it's you're holding a lot of resentment for something that they did to you in the past. Perhaps fixing your side of the street means forgiveness. Perhaps it means understanding. Perhaps it means seeing where they were at at that time. Because holding on to that resentment is going to be a filter through which you see them and through which you behave to them. And the filter through which you process every single exchange you have with them. I personally have dealt with people who have had filters, and it's been mind-blowing to me the stories that they will come up with based on their filter, whether it was through resentment of some type or it was just a trauma filter. And then the things that they say to me are not in alignment whatsoever because their filter is skewed. It's warped. It's distorted. And they're not seeing me or the situation clearly. So being a person who I want to have joyful relationships. I want to have fun. I want to be equal partners, even if that means a friendship. I want mutual love and respect and understanding. And I won't stop until I get that, unless the relationship is abusive in some capacity, and I need to not be in it anymore. Or the person has proven time and time again that I'm not a valuable or priority to them, you know, there's times and we just cut our losses and we move on. But you know the relationship I'm talking about. It's a relationship that you're not wanting to end, that you want this person in your life, but there's some aspects of it that are very difficult. How does it feel to understand that you can't change them? That you can only change you. Does it piss you off? Does it make you want to hang up on this talk? Does it make you think I don't understand? Because I get that sometimes. No, you don't know you don't understand. No, I do. I do. I've been there. I've been around the sun a lot of times in my life. And I'm self-reflective and I'm a seeker and I'm on the growth journey, and I figured a few things out. And I will tell you something else, too. It feels so much better. Stephen said it was it's freeing. I feel so much better when this person is doing that thing over there that lights me up in a negative way, lights my fire. When I say, Yeah, okay, there they are doing their thing again. What can I shift, morph, change, heal about me? That actually feels better because I'm pulling my energy out of their behavior and I'm giving it to me. I'm giving me my energy, my time, my attention. And when we up level ourselves in some capacity, it feels good. So we are maintaining our energetic vibration because we're staying with ourselves. We're putting it towards ourselves. This is sheer experience talking here. And I've coached people through this more times than I can tell you. And sometimes it wasn't one and done, sometimes they had to come back five or six times for me to say the same thing, for them to open their heart and their mind and to decide okay, how can I handle this differently? And then they go away and they text, they call, they come back for another coaching session, and they say, I can't believe it. Yeah. This is not about blame. Let's let's make that very clear. Because that's another thing people will say, you know, if we if we start talking about what they can shift, they're saying, Well, why is it my fault? There's not about this isn't about fault. This is about personal power. This is about where to put your energy in a way that can shift the dynamic of your relationship. I also get asked this question why do I have to be the one to change when they're the one that's being toxic? And my response is something akin to this. Because you're the awake and aware one. You're the one that's seeking. You're the one that knows somehow deep down inside that there is that change is possible. And not in these particular words, but if you knew that this could help your relationship, then what's the big deal? You get to up level, you get to become a shinier version of yourself, a better version of yourself. Sometimes we expect that other person to do all the healing and changing to accommodate us. And I know what some of you are thinking, you're like, but you don't get it. It's a narcissist, they do this, they do that. No, I get it. I get it. Let me tell you, I've been around the relationship block in heavy ways, and I couldn't change them. So it was these micro changes that I made within me that started yielding different results. I've dealt with some horrible behaviors from people. I've been accused of things that are not true. I've been yelled at. And I had no control over their behavior. I've been in eight-hour conversations, ignoring everything else I had to do that day to try to get the person to see and to change. It did not work. Over and over and over. Talk about repeating the same pattern again and expecting a different result. I'm the queen. I just need to say it differently. I just need to say it better. I just need to get them to go, oh, okay, I get it. It didn't work. What worked was me going within and saying, how can I shift, morph, grow, evolve, up level, adjust myself in some way to get a different result. And by golly, I did. Again, they might be micro changes at first. And I'm talking micro, but when you see the micro, you guys, just something different that's out of the pattern, please know that's because you shifted something inside of yourself. Because them plus you equals this toxic, horrible, frustrating, whatever it might be. But when you change a little bit, you're gonna get a different result. So when you start to see those micro changes in them, give yourself a pat on the back. Even a change such as for me that I was fully engaged. The second someone came at me, I was engaged and it was on. It was on. One of my micro changes was just not saying a word. Just sitting there. Again, it depends on what's going on because there's sometimes my my change was I'm gonna remove myself from the situation. But instead of defending, instead of trying to have the conversation, what have you, in any capacity, I just got quite that yielded different results. Oh, okay. So I started to double down on things that worked. Maybe it was my tone. Maybe it was resentment I was carrying. Maybe I wasn't seeing them through the lens of compassion. Maybe I was joining in the frenzy too quickly. Maybe I wasn't being the listener. There's something, somehow, that you can shift. Again, disclaimer, I'm not saying this is gonna be a one and done. This is life. This is about evolution. This is about morphing. If you think of something morphing into something else, it doesn't happen overnight, it takes time. But I wanted to be a person that was feeding the relationship something positive rather than contributing to the frenzy. And I've contributed to frenzies. I raised both my hands to that. And one of the things that we can do, because I've already mentioned the first one, which is turn towards your healing, asking yourself where you can improve or do better. We can also self-reflect and we can ask ourselves very powerful questions. And I see you all on the queue. I'm just gonna finish up my opener and then I'm gonna pop in and hear what you magnificent people have to say. What part of me is being activated right now? What part of me is responding like this? What's my motive? What am I trying to get? Am I trying to be right? How am I contributing to this dynamic? Where can I be more kind and compassionate? Where can I be more what I'm requesting this person to be? Where do I do the same thing this person is doing? What do I know I need to work on already, but I'm being stubborn about? Where do I know my flaws are? But I want them to be wrong so bad that I'm not looking at mine. Where am I going wrong? Where am I out of alignment with love andor my highest self? How can I upgrade my own behaviors? Where is my true power? Ladies and gentlemen, this is putting you in the power seat of your life. It feels like it isn't because the ego wants you to be right, the ego wants you to be wrong. Ego lies, ego's a bully. Ego's relentless. Put it down. Get yourself strapped into that power seat of your life and start asking yourself the questions that are really going to shift the needle, move the needle. They're going to get you out of neutral and into first gear and then to second gear and then to third gear. I'm all about personal power. I'm all about reclaiming your power. And we must be willing to reclaim our power in relationships to in this way. The world is full of narratives about narcissists. Dear Lord. Point the finger, point the finger, point the finger, point the finger. What contributed to this for you? Did you stay too long? Did you ignore the red flags? Were you afraid to speak up? I am not blaming any of you. I am not saying any of this is your fault. But I'm saying when you clean up your side of the street, you're going to start to see a difference. And yes, there are some people out there that you may not. And those might be people that you shouldn't be with. Maybe someone you just cut your losses and move on. I get it. Trust me, I get it. And the next thing, and then I will start bringing up my guests. I have quite a few of you in the queue. Believe it or not, what I talk about ad nauseum, self-regulation, calming your nervous system. Because when we practice calming our nervous system, it allows us to access the changes that we want to make. If we're in fight flight, we'll just repeat patterns over and over and over again. So this is being the pattern breaker. This is being the pioneer in your relationships because you're the strong one. You're the seeker. I know it sucks. Why me? Because this is who you are. You're a change maker. Again, not your fault. But there is something in there that you can change. So when we start to calm our nervous system, regulate our nervous system, we will slow the whole train down. I was on Sonoran Living once. It's a morning show here in Phoenix, Arizona. Actually, I was on four times. But the one time that I was on, I talked about becoming the person that you want to attract. If you want a compassionate person, be compassionate. You want an understanding person, be understanding. You want to be a priority, make people your priority. Because a lot of times we want somebody else to be something for us, but we're not willing to be that for them. In this talk today, you all, if you pick up one thing, that's all that's all that matters. Ninety percent of this may not resonate for you, ten percent does. Maybe all of it does. Again, that's for you to decide. That's how you become sovereign.

unknown: 23:28

Okay.

Kristen: 23:28

Is deciding what works for you. Alrighty. We are going to bring up my first guest who is Carly. Carly joined way in the beginning. I'm not sure if this was a purposeful join. She might have thought she was just joining the talk. So we'll see. Hey Carly, how are you? Just fine. How are you? Good. Thanks for coming up. Of course. Hey, I one of my a post I made the other day. Was that you?

Carly: 23:54

I think you respon- Yes, that was me. Nice to meet you. Well, it's nice to meet you too, Kristen.

Kristen: 24:01

So, what would you like to contribute to the talk today, Carly?

Carly: 24:04

Um, I was just listening to um just what you had to say about um even when we can't like we want to change the person. And it I think it's like I think you asked kind of like the feelings that came along with we try and we see no results. And I think um a good feeling for that would be disappointing because it feels like you contribute so much and you're trying to show, like, I care, I care, I care, I want to fix the relationship, I want both of us to be better, and it just doesn't happen. So that's disappointing. But I think what you said about having to look within yourself and think if I can't change them, I need to get right with myself and be content with who I am. And that's something that I had to do years ago with uh someone I'm very close to, where I've had a lot of conversations with them, and I just kept getting a wall, a wall of resistance. So I had just tell myself, you know, Carly, you kind of have to push through and let them be who they are, and you're gonna grow strong in the way that you see best. So been working through that a bit. Um, I'm still in relations with them, of course, but just kind of accepting they are who they are, but that's not gonna change my approach to life.

Kristen: 25:41

Love that. That's amazing. You know what came up for me when you were saying this is that it just an example of something I had to shift, being a person that was always in charge, being a person that was raised with all brothers, a neighborhood full of boys, and I had to fight for my life half the time. Not literally, but I was very much in my masculine. I was very in my masculine. And one of the shifts that came for me was me thinking, you know what? I'm gonna approach this from my feminine.

Carly: 26:14

Oh, okay.

Kristen: 26:16

Yeah, so this is the type of thing that I'm explaining to people is that I'm like, let me let me tap into her because I know she's there. She just had to be in charge for so long. And doing that, I started to see different results everywhere. Yeah, so it's that those type of things.

Carly: 26:34

Okay. So changing that approach from masculine to more feminine approach.

Kristen: 26:41

Like I'm not, and I'm not saying this is for you or anybody else. It's if it is great, but it's an example. It just popped into my head while you were talking. I'm like, this is a great example to share. Because this is not about what we don't want to do, everyone who's listening, is we're not going to dim our light, play small, dumb down. That isn't what any of this is about. It's about up-leveling. So just learning that, huh? I'm too much in my masculine. So I'm igniting their masculine. Let me try this differently. And then the softer I got, the softer they got. Even though the same situation was going on, right? It was no different than any other of the repeat pattern, but it changed the dynamic. It changed the dynamic. Yeah.

Carly: 27:31

Wow. That's very powerful.

Kristen: 27:34

And this stuff is exciting to me because I I see it all as like a not a game per se, but like a challenge.

Carly: 27:41

Hmm.

Kristen: 27:42

Like cooking. Let me see how I can make this tastier. It's kind of the same way. I'm like, what can I, what can I do? Because I also know it's up-leveling me, which is a good thing.

Carly: 27:54

Well, that's fantastic.

Kristen: 27:56

Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's fun.

Carly: 27:58

It is.

Kristen: 27:59

But I also like that you were saying, Carly, that you didn't allow however you the other person was behaving to you to change who you are. Is that what you were saying? Like you stayed true to you in the things that you liked or valued, even though yes. And that's that's powerful too. That's that's a solid change.

Carly: 28:22

I could feel myself starting to get angry and hostile, and I realized I can't be this way. That's not who I am.

Kristen: 28:30

That's it right there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, beautiful. Thanks, Carly. Thank you. And by the way, sis, you're gonna be getting 300 vibes for your first time on my stage. Thank you so much for coming. I hope that you come back. I love speaking with you. All right, guys, let's keep moving through the queue. We have next up Miss Wendy. Wendy, thanks for joining. Curious to see what Wendy has to share on this topic. Yeah, I'll do a little walker.

Wendy: 29:01

Hey Wendy. Can you go back up? Hi, I'm sorry. I came on accidentally. I because I'm with my family.

Kristen: 29:11

So oh, that's funny. Okay, so you don't have anything you want to share, Wendy?

Wendy: 29:15

I do, but everybody's standing right here. And you know, I just want to say that everything that you're saying uh resonates with me. Mike, can you go up and get my bathroom? Um it's on the on that dresser. You know, I mean, I can I can really, really relate to it, and I wish I had time to talk, but unfortunately, we're getting ready to leave to go to the beach. You're exactly right because before I became disabled, I was the power woman, you know, in charge of everything. And after I became disable, it really knocked my feet right up from under me, and I had to become a totally dis different person. And I became less argumentative, and I became more humble, definitely more humble, uh, and tried to be softer with my husband, but he wakes up critical. I I love him to death, but it's a rough situation. And I'm trying what you said, you know, just to not respond. And hopefully that will help. We will see. Um, but I will go for now. But I appreciate the topic.

Kristen: 30:32

Have a beautiful day with your family. Thank you so much. Enjoy the beach. Wow. All right, we'll talk to you later, Wendy. Bye. Bye. Okay, that was Wendy, everybody. So glad she's with her family and enjoying some time. Hey, I swapped out. There we go. Okay. Um, swap. All right, hold on, you guys. I'm trying to get to Wandering Fool. I got bookkeep. See if that does anything. All right, I think I got it. All right, alrighty, little technical faux pas there, but we're all good to go. Wandering Fool, thanks for coming. Oopsie, we have no sound on you. Can you hear me now?

Sicily: 31:11

There she is. Good day to you. It drops the sound on all audio. It's so funny. So strange. It is. Oh, there are a lot of good points in this conversation. But I like to bring up being that toxic person that's hard to talk to, being that I am one of those people, like, and I'm not proud of this, but I notice when there is a tiny amount of conflict, even with people that I love, I scare them. I have a, and I'm I'm tiny, but I know you are. We're both the same height. We're the same height, but for some odd reason, when I go to speak, and even if you know, my voice is always this calm. I never try to raise, like I really try not to raise my voice, but I noticed that people take two steps back and hold their hands up, or they try to hold my hands like I'm gonna do something to them. And I'm like, what kind of person do you think I am? Like, how dangerous do you think I am? But I I it's not my my problem to work on. But something that I have been working on on my side of the fence is that ego thing that I think is hilarious because I jump too far into the fire with people sometimes. When they go on the binge of, oh, I hate this and da-da-da-da-da, and da-da-da-da-da. I used to be that person that would hop right in and be like, girl, me too. And I can't stand this and I can't stand that, and now it's just like they'll go on about something or a situation. I'm like, you know, you're talking about me, right? And they're like, you're not like that. And I'm like, yes, I am. Without ego, I am like that. And is that saying that I'm not working on it? Of course not, but I never deny the parts of me that I can see, and even the parts of me that I can't see, I don't deny anymore. And it's so funny to watch the backpedal that happens when I say, You're talking about a person like me. You're not like that. And I'm like, Yes, I am. Well, you don't seem like a jealous person. My favorite color is green and black, green with envy. Come on now. Come on now, like they're like, no, you just don't seem like a destructive person. Just because I don't outwardly destroy the world doesn't mean I don't destroy myself. And that doesn't mean that I can't see myself in the person that you're talking about. And in that self-destruction and looking at what parts of me I want to keep and what I want to give away, I find myself connected to more people than I could ever possibly imagine at all. Because they're like, how can you see that? And I'm like, because they are me. And if they are me, they are also you. So the part about it that makes you that angry is you. And you gotta look at what it is in you that's bothering you. So I sit here, like, oh, that's me too. They're like, you're not a jealous person. Yes, I am. I'm jealous of people that don't have um anxiety symptoms that manifest physically, that look like you're tweaking. I look like I'm on drugs when my anxiety is high. I'm jealous of people that don't have the type of trauma that I had to endure. And they're like, no, you're not. Yes, my ego's gone. Well, not gone, but it's definitely taking a back seat. And that's me fixing my side of the street because I see me. Everywhere I go, I see me. I had a scenario the other day at work where I had five different variants of me in different races, ages, and colors. And they were getting on my nerves until I'm still. When I tell you they were getting on my last nerve, when I I could have spit bullets, I was so mad. And then I stopped and I said, Well, would you look at you? Look at me over here acting up, look at me showing my ass on physical body, but I'm watching myself interact with these people as myself, and here they are. And they at the end of it, I kind of just laughed. Was I tired? Yes, but I had to laugh because this is five different variants of me and everybody, and everywhere I go, I see them, and there's no separation, and I have to giggle because this is truly me, and that's me fixing my side of the street, cleaning up my ownness.

Kristen: 35:48

Awareness is key, self-reflection is key. Bingo! Yeah, I love you, thank you, Cicely. Yes, that was awesome. That was such a that was such a great share. I had my eyes closed and I was listening. Yeah, I was wondering because she does have such a pleasing soft voice and others wanting to back up from her when she's speaking or when they're talking. I wonder if that's, and this is just a question, and you can come back up, Cicely, after I bring in my next two guests if you want to or to address this, but I'm wondering, or you can back channel, if that's the intensity of your truth, if that's possibly it, or what would make someone fear you? Because you know what's interesting is I've had people, I remember someone telling me in high school they were intimidated by me. I'm the girl that brought six kittens to school one day in my grandma's car. Like, what on earth would you be intimidated by me? And I think it was my truth. Just because I was so honest that it scared that person. So I'm just curious. All right, we're gonna bring up Wendy. You're back in the queue. I'm not sure if that's purposeful, but we're gonna bring up Steven. He is next in line. Yes, hopefully, Wendy has a moment to talk. Hey Steven, thanks for coming.

Steven: 37:11

Hey, this is good because I have realized I didn't really understand what the up-leveling was prior to like say 2016, 2017, and then realizing that you are up-leveling, you yourself are, and they are not, and they don't want to, and that's not on you to correct, and you may just have to walk away from that because they're choosing not to. And if you're in that people-pleasing mode, I just want every I just don't want to ruffle any feathers, I just want to get along, and uh, who do you think you are? You've changed. And it's like, nope, don't want to be called that because even though my up-leveling is good for me, it's detrimental to them. And it's oh, that's a struggle right there.

Kristen: 38:16

How is it detrimental to them?

Steven: 38:20

I think they see your healing and get jealous of it because they can't do it. Or they don't want to do it. Yeah, choose them to think you are because you're doing it.

Kristen: 38:33

That's their ego's way of pulling, trying to pull you back down because at some point it worked. So there's there's now that you're healing and growing, they're really doubling down on that. And man, that is that that that is that pull from the darkness for us to go back to the way we were. And when I see that happening, I go, wow, that's an opportunity for me to see that this is coming at me, regardless who it's coming from. It's the fact that it's coming at me at all is my opportunity to stay in my lane and say, no, no matter what's coming at me, I know better now, and I'm gonna continue to grow and evolve.

Steven: 39:17

Yep. And you know, this this person that was coming at me like that, I had trusted them from 2017 on, and there was an incident in the summer of 2019, and then there was COVID, and then there was uh getting together, and you've changed, and like, gosh, I hope so. We've known each other for four years. Did you just want to stay stagnant? Or were you more comfortable with Steve? And now Steven's emerging, and you don't like it.

Kristen: 39:51

Did they have a response to that?

Steven: 39:54

Uh we never really got it discussed that far because Of the youth changed, and it's not in a positive way. And I was the one doing all the invites for different things, and I realized stepping back, COVID was a good way to step back and look at several different relationships, and then decide, okay, calendar's blank, what are you gonna put back on it? Exactly the same stuff, or are you gonna change?

Kristen: 40:25

Oh, so beautiful.

Steven: 40:27

Oh, it was because I gotta well, you get to choose. Do you want to put up with their craft still, or do you just want to let them go? And oh my god, when you let them go, look at all the stuff that fell in. And that was better in the it it's better than that person, and so I'm just gonna stay here.

Kristen: 40:48

Love it. Sometimes the change is leaving, sometimes that might be it.

Steven: 40:59

Yep. They come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And if you're trying to make a seasonal person, which is you know, anywhere from zero to one or one to three years or something like that into a lifetime, and they don't want to change to be a lifetime, then they're not a lifetime, and you need to recognize that. And the discerning part I'm getting better at.

Kristen: 41:26

I know you are, you're doing amazing.

Steven: 41:29

Because there's I just realized within the last couple of weeks, there's a guy in my recovery thing, and he's just stuck, and I can't unstuck him. And it's like, well, that sucks to be you, but I'm not stuck. I have an open mind. You have your way, and everybody else is wrong. Sucks to be you.

Kristen: 41:51

Thank you, Stephen. Thank you. Powerful share as usual. Love you guys so much. Okay, we're gonna continue to move through the crew queue. Wandering fool is coming back up, and then I think it was Rachel. I think it was Rachel, and then I think it was Wendy and then Lois. I'll let you guys know. Thanks for coming back.

Sicily: 42:10

Listen, Kristen, you hit something on the head that I wasn't really wanting to really talk about.

Kristen: 42:17

Oh, great.

Sicily: 42:18

I'm gonna go ahead and talk about it anyway. The amount of truth that I can convey scares me sometimes. Because I had this affirmation that I used to say as a joke, may the bridges that I burn light my way to a new direction. And I'm at a point in life where I can't even go back. There's nothing back there. So I have to continue walking forward in my truth, in who I am, knowing all that I know and knowing that I know nothing. And I just sit there and I get upset sometimes. I get real human sometimes. And coming out of situations where I was literally called a dog, called a pet, treated like I was inhuman, to acknowledge my humanity is me fixing my side of the street. That feeling of knowing that I am human and I will continue going on. Like, I finished my book. I wrote a book and I did illustrations for it. And I started the book because I wanted to end my life. It was a six-month period where I was sitting there and I was like, if you're going to end your life, you might as well end this chapter with it. So I started writing. And I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote. I panicked. I started picking up stuff, things I haven't done in years. And at the end of it, I still don't know how I feel about this book or if it's gonna be published. It was just me writing to close that chapter in my life. All of that BS had to die somewhere. And I'm a wholehearted believer in you gotta get it somewhere else to live outside of you. The blood, the sweat, the tears, it has to live on a canvas or on paper because if it lives with you, it's going to kill you. And that's what was killing me. And I sat there for a moment and I say, okay, well, this chapter is over. I don't know what else is coming, but I know I'm gonna stand in my truth. And my truth and your truth may be different. We may be looking at that, there's no separation. There's nothing that separates me from you, you from me, or anybody else in the room. It's all just one thing, and in that one thing, I had to really dig into the grit that is my whole soul, and say, girl, get your ass up and do something. Like I had to dig because it got dark, there was nothing there. And then I started. How do you feel now? I realized that when the lights came on, it's greenery everywhere. I realized that.

Kristen: 45:24

I love how you allowed yourself to be guided, whether it was through yourself or through your higher power or whatever. You having that idea, that awareness to write and to paint, and how that shifted things, that was the very thing you needed.

Sicily: 45:43

Bingo. And you want to know something else that's really funny? When I got to the end of the tunnel, I realized that there was a mirror on the damn door. The light I was looking at and walking towards was me. Mmm.

Kristen: 45:58

Oh, that's so beautiful. So poetic. I hope that's in your book. I really do. If it's not, it needs to go in there because it's not published yet.

Sicily: 46:11

Being scatter myself and seeing that the light is right there. And the door was never closed. It was just a mirror. That's all that was there. And once I started to let go of all of that BS, and I'm still not done letting go of things. I just let go of something today that was really bothering me. Like I don't like being called a pet or dog or an animal. Who would for crying out loud? Right. Right. But that's a trigger that I have to work out on fixing my side of the street. And that was my release for today. And I was like, okay, well, what's next? I don't know. We're doing it for the plot at this point.

Kristen: 46:56

It's a trigger, which means there was a wound, and we can still have boundaries, right? So, oh yay, thanks for this coming up inside of me so I can work on this thing, and I can still have boundaries with somebody acting like that with me. Thanks for coming back up, my dear. All right, we have Miss Rachel, Wendy, and then Lois. Thank you so much, everybody, for contributing to this conversation. I should have known you guys would come and knock it out of the park. I was like, ooh, some people aren't gonna like this conversation. Let me just dive in and see how it's gonna go. And you guys, of course, are showing up the way you always do. Hey, Rachel.

Rachel: 47:35

Hey, and I just have to say I love Cecily. Oh God. I could just listen to what she's pouring out all day long. Mm-hmm. And just go whoa.

Kristen: 47:52

You too. I'm like that with you. I can listen to you all the time.

Rachel: 47:55

Oh, thank you. But I was thinking, Steven was talking about people trying to pull you back down. Nothing makes somebody else's part look dirtier than when someone else cleans up. I mean, you know, the neighbors mow their grass and you're like, oh god, look at my grass.

Kristen: 48:13

Mm-hmm.

Rachel: 48:14

Like, oh, we had to do that. Or they somebody does something, and then you're like, oh Lord, look at mine. It's it's it's horrible. And they don't like it. They don't like it. Because when you start cleaning up, they notice all the dirt.

Kristen: 48:31

Yes. That's so profound. Let's look at let's look at it real quickly. Like, someone's in charge of this countertop, you're in charge of the other. They both have mud on it. You clean your sparkly, shiny, you even whip out the granite polish, and of course, it's gonna show all of their dirt, even more.

Rachel: 48:53

Exactly. Yeah, great. And um a wise man once said that if you have crabs in a bucket, if one tries to escape, they're all gonna pull that one down.

Kristen: 49:06

Mm-hmm. Isn't that wild? That is so there's so many metaphors in nature.

Rachel: 49:13

I've actually saw it happen with kittens. They're all in a little basket, and one actually made it to the top, was leaning over to jump out, and its siblings grabbed it and yanked it back in.

Kristen: 49:23

Oh, really? Back in the basket, and I'm like, oh well, at least they're not in danger like the crabs are. Okay, there's just something about the visual of a basket full of kittens that just made me smile so big. I know. I could actually smell them. I love the smell of kittens, they're so cute.

Rachel: 49:42

But I've learned that's what causes some of the friction. Is when you start cleaning and they see their dirt, and then they're like, like they were saying, Who do you think you are? Well, I think I'm somebody that's cleaning up my mess. I don't want to live in this, and you can stay over there and you're whatever, but I'm I'm cleaning. I'm working on me. I'm gonna sweep and mop and fix the holes in the fences, and like you said, boundaries, fix my little boundaries and put stuff that flourishes in it. And if you want to stay there, stay there, but don't come on my side of the street trying to mess it back up.

Kristen: 50:29

Do you know what just you know what came up for me, Rachel? What's that? When that resistance comes from them trying to pull us back down, that's my indicator to up-level even more to not be affected by that.

Rachel: 50:47

That's right. You put up the hedges and don't look over there. And I've learned right, because I've had that.

Kristen: 51:00

I've had people. Oh, go ahead. Oh, go ahead. You had people do what? No, no, you go, you go. I think there's a delay. You go, Rachel.

Rachel: 51:10

I was gonna say, I'm I'm still like Cecily said, I'm still learning. I am still learning and finding things to let go of. I'm saying, hmm, do I need this? Does this serve me? And does it add to the aesthetic of my side of the street now? Or is it just a big rock in my way? Or is it one what those people call the decorative boulders? Or is it a stumbling rock, something to trip me up and make me fall back down and hit a mud puddle and then mess up stuff? And I'm wanting to be reflective and to judge what I need on my part and to let go of the rest.

Kristen: 51:57

This just came up for me too. I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Oh, I like it. I do too, and that's how I that's how I roll. It's like I don't want to be part of this problem because I see the dynamic, I see the pattern, it's repeating. And even though it seems like it's all them, I know that somehow I have solution inside of me by shift, healing, growing, morphing, changing some portion of me. I hope you guys are really getting what I mean by that. Because I'm not saying or excusing what they're doing by any means. I call a thing a thing, clear as day in my life. But I'm saying, if you don't have control over there, how can you shift, change, morph, evolve something inside of you? Like I spoke about shifting out of my masculine energy that I was forced into for so long. Hmm. Let me see if I get a different outcome with this. And I did. Very interesting. When someone raised their voice, if I raised my voice back to them, well, they raised first, they drew first blood, right? Or I kept it calm for five, ten minutes, and then eventually I'm raising back, I'm contributing to the problem. What if I never raised my voice? Then I'm contributing to the solution. Do you see what I'm saying, you guys? I hope this is making clear sense to everybody. Again, with appropriate boundaries in place as needed. This is not about accepting the unacceptable by any means. I'm the boundary queen. I teach it to the cows come home. This is not what I mean. It means aiming for a solution in the big picture. Hey Wendy, thanks for coming up.

Wendy: 53:54

I just this topic just hits home, and I just wanted to uh be able to come back on. So my husband and I were both raised with parents that argued constantly. We got married. That's what we did is we argued. I was right, he was right. You know, we were both right fighters. Fortunately, my children have broke that habit and they don't have that in their marriages, which I'm very thankful for. But the problem is that so many of us just want to be right, like you said, you know, and if we would just understand that it takes two. And what I'm trying to do with my husband, because he literally, I can ask him if I'm bedridden and I can't get up and I ask him for a glass of water, it's oh my god. You know, and it's like I'm just asking for a glass of water or I can crawl there, which works for you, you know. And so um, I'm trying to learn to be silent in those moments because I trigger him. Well, he triggers me first by his response to what I ask him, and trigger him by my response and reaction to his reaction. And it's just like fireworks going off. And it's not healthy. And I'm 70 and he's 73. We don't have that much longer to live. It's like I told him, I want to wake up every day and say, what can I do to make your day the best day possible? And what can you do to make my day the same? That's how I want to live, you know? And I'm I'm really striving and I'm really working towards that. But it's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong because my husband, God bless him, he um doesn't see things the way I see things. It all started off with a lamp that had a round base, and we had a nova that had a not a trunk, but a flat area. And his uncle gave us the lamps and he put the lamps on their side and we lived up a very steep hill. And I told him, if you leave those like that, the glass is gonna break. And he just couldn't understand why the glass would break. And of course, as we went up the hill, the glass broke. And that's that's how he sees things. We were looking at pillowcase covers today, and I told him, just go off the site you're on and go to the server and just put the site if you need it, and it'll pop up. It has been frustrating for me, but I'm over that. I'm over having to be right because having to be right gets us nowhere. Having compassion for others, whether it be a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent, a friend, and a quote. Compassion is so important. And it takes away that need to be right. Um so I hope with your guidance and the other coaches' guidance that um at some point things change for us. I will not stop trying and I will not stop seeking your guidance because it's so important. And the community that we have here, all the people that come up with their words of wisdom that they share are so appreciated. We may not always see the exact same way, but still we can benefit from what others are saying in their situations, and especially from you, the coaches. That's so appreciated. And I just hope that I can continue on the path that I'm on. And I appreciate the guidance that I've received to be able to see things more clear. And thank you for letting me come up again, Kristen.

Kristen: 58:16

You're doing such a great job, Wendy. I'm so proud of you. You are so welcome. Right. I just want to I just want to circle back a little bit to what Wendy was saying, where you know, Wendy's had very limited mobility. So from what I'm gathering, she asked her husband for a glass of water and he chuffed at her. And then, of course, that's upsets her because it's like, bro, I'm here, I'm stuck in the bed, I can crawl to get my own water, but can you just do me a solid? Do it lovingly. So, right there in that moment, um I was gonna ask Wendy, does he do it anyway? Does he chuck and then do it anyway? Because if that was my situation, I would learn to not react to the chuff. I would be like, thank you so much. Even if he chuffed. I just wanted to throw that out there because it's these are the microchanges I'm talking about. And Wendy, what you just heard from her, she is the ideal avatar of who I'm talking to. She said, I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to continue to up level and grow myself until I can find a way to reach this person. Again, I'm going to disclaim if any of you feel like you need to leave and you're done, you're done, be done. But we're talking about relationships here. Relationships are messy. And there's a lot of relationships out there that I believe would not end if people started to take responsibility for their own behaviors and their own filters and the way they see things. Very, very fascinating. Okay, Wendy's Lois, hang out two seconds. I'm gonna let Let Wendy come in and just address that for let's I'm gonna give her one minute and I'm gonna bring you up, Lois, because Lois has been waiting patiently. So, Wendy, yeah, I'm I'm sure you want to respond to what I said. So I'm gonna go ahead and let you. Oh, I got the uh-oh. Let me see if I can get it again. All right. Here we go. This looks like it's loading this time. Wendy, welcome.

Wendy: 1:00:22

I learned to get my own stuff. What I did is my daughter ordered a cart for me, and that cart is filled with everything that I need, so that I have to ask for help as little as possible. But yeah, he he did get the water, you know, but it's the way that it makes me feel that it's on me because I grew up with a lot of negativity and not feeling self-worth. And so I would like to be as independent as possible. So that was a big solution for me is getting that card and just literally everything on it. And the other thing is that if I was gonna change or if I was gonna leave, I should have done it a long time ago. We believe that marriage is marriage, and whatever the problem is, you work it out. So thank you for letting me come back on.

Kristen: 1:01:19

You're welcome, Wendy. Thank you so much.

Wendy: 1:01:22

Bye-bye.

Kristen: 1:01:23

Bye. Appreciate you. All right, Wendy was coming up to clarify that last little piece. That's awesome. I appreciate that. I hope this talk today has really delivered a clear picture to you all about this. And this is really spiritually based, I want to say, because at the end of the day, what prompted me is that am I acting from love, capital L love, or am I coming from fear and control? One's an aspect of the higher self, one's an aspect of the lower self. One will shift things in our life, love, the other one will create more drama and suffering. When I learned this concept many years ago through a Course in Miracles via Marianne Williamson, I started to look at my behaviors and I started to ask myself, am I coming from a place of love? And there were times that I wasn't. I was coming from control, I was coming from the need to be right. Even though I may not look like an a-hole, I was still coming from that place. I could feel that energy. So this took time to unpack, to unravel, to practice things, to try things to see if I could get a different result if I came from different energy. So that's basically the thesis statement of this is staying in my own lane and working on me, regardless of what the other person is doing. Welcome up, Lois. Thanks for coming.

Loyce: 1:02:59

Oh, good morning, good morning, and you're welcome. I you know I love this topic because it's all about this, we're talking about the same thing over and over again, just different ways of seeing. I I'm gonna use your words, okay? Cleaning your own side of streets or fixing your own side of the street is sweet empowerment to mind your own, because the grass is always greener where it's watered. The grass is only brown because it ain't been watered. And so to be jealous of somebody else's grass when you ain't watering your own is fruitless, okay, because cleaning your water and your grass and cleaning your yard and cleaning out your closet is your job. Ain't nobody else's. And I know, I know I love outsourcing stuff, especially now that I'm older. I'm like, hey, I'll get somebody to come clean up for me. I'll get somebody to come and cut my grass, I get somebody to change my oil because I ain't getting under that car no more, okay? But the thing is, is that when it comes to our personal houses, this physical body and this mentality and all the stuff that belongs to us, can't nobody do that for us at all. Okay? Can't nobody do that. And the thing is, it's like Cicely said, I am so proud of you, sister, for all this growth you have undergone since I met you before. Oh, it's so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You're here. It's all it's all about mirror, mirror on the wall. Because we project and reflect, okay, and what is coming from our inside is gonna be reflected back to us in another person. And like Cicely said, you know, it's a matter of wandering fool, if y'all didn't know who I'm talking about. As wandering fool said, it's a matter of you. She said, I met myself five different times on the same day in different iterations of me. Okay, and that's what happens to me when I go anywhere, when I feel like I want to complain, or when I feel like things are getting on my nerves, I recognize how many different versions of me there are. Like when I went to North Carolina or South Carolina, I don't know where I went. I went somewhere in the Carolinas. Okay, it was south. Okay, stop okay. Every woman that was there showed me part of me, part of me that needed to still need to be worked on, part of me that that has been worked on sufficiently, part of me that that that I may take a need to take a look at again because something bothered me. Because if it's bothering me, that's something in me. That's an internal conflict. If you bother me, that ain't you, that's me. That's me not being comfortable with me in some area. So when we own our own role in our conflicts, we own our own role where we release the need to blame and project, and you know, and we can make amends where we need to make them, but the game is you can't beat yourself up for it because you don't you didn't know what you didn't know, you know, and now now that you know what you know, you know that it's more one more than one way to deal with it. Yeah, you can keep on arguing to be right. Oh, I was good at that. I because I study, I outstudy anybody. That's noise. And I would have the facts and figures and all the data to prove how wrong you are and have mud on your face. But then I realized I didn't have no friends. Right. Because I was always right, and then I said, I'm right according to me, and I'm arguing with somebody about my belief system, okay? And when I realized that I'm arguing was a waste of time and energy because everybody has their own belief system, and whatever your belief system is makes you right. Period. Ain't no other things about it. Your belief system, which you believe, makes you right about whatever it is you're saying. And everybody's belief system is different. So we are never gonna match up on everything, no matter how hard we try, we're not gonna match up because our belief systems are based on how we're looking at the world. What is our perspective? How do we get that view of the world? What where'd it come from? All of that stuff. So when you're fixing your side of street or or cleaning your house or cleaning your windows, you got to make sure that it's your gunk that you're cleaning off that when you see it in somebody else. Okay, that's yours. You know, you see somebody on homeless, they disenfranchise, or however you describe them. That's yours. You feeling disenfranchised. You see somebody, you somebody's cheating you, okay? That's because you're cheating you, okay? Somebody you feel abandoned on your birthday by somebody special to you. Okay, that's your issue. That ain't theirs. That is not theirs, and they're not responsible for you. Okay, you are only you can be responsible for you, okay? And I I'm like um with with like Wendy was talking.

Kristen: 1:07:48

Oh pop back up, Lois. Pop back up. Yeah, let's let I'm gonna let Lois finish that. I love where she's going. I'm feeling all motivated inside. It's like woo woo. Yes, all of that.

Loyce: 1:08:01

And when Wendy was talking about her and her husband's relationship and and having to crawl, Wendy, I Lois did crawl. I said, I ain't asking them for nothing. Sorry, sorry, but that was my pride. That was my pride. That was my because I got tired of getting every time I asked for something, they got that bothers me because I don't do that to people. Okay, I'm gonna be why do that to me? But then I had to question, I had to question how am I at how much am I asking for? Am I considering that they went to work all day and I set my buddy at home? Okay, am I, you know, and I had to at three rough what inside of me, it was me not wanting to ask for help that got me in situation in that situation because I didn't want to help. I could, I'm gonna like my daughter. I hope not do it all myself. Okay, I don't need to wait for nobody to do nothing for me. Okay, and that attitude, I was ended up forced to, like, like I was saying, where I had to was forced to get help, was forced to ask for help because I had to realize that how they responded to me asking for help wasn't about me. And when I got that in the thing, I I got it right. But but first I had to put me a I had a refrigerator and a microwave in, I had a big old giant bathroom in my house. Okay, I had a refrigerator, microwave in my bathroom, okay? So that anything I wanted to eat, I could eat even if I couldn't get out the bed, except for go to the bathroom, because my bathroom was right by two steps, and I was in the bathroom. And that's I love that house because of that reason. Now I gotta walk across the house. But the whole thing is that when we take responsibility for our own self and our own actions, we ain't got no doggone time to be on nobody else's street trying to clean up nothing. Because it takes for me, it takes all this time for me to consciously observe my unconscious pattern. It takes time for me to break these cycles that I've been in. It takes time for me to rewrite these limited leaves. It takes time for me to sit with the discomfort instead of projecting up. It takes time for me to grow emotionally and spiritually and mentally. And I'm taking that time. And I ain't got no time. I don't have much time for anybody else. You know, and as long as I'm cleaning my side of the street, I know that I am the steward of my vibration. I am responsible for my vibration. My vibration determines my lot in life. So I'm not gonna let nobody disturb my peace. Nobody, no man, woman, boy, child. I don't even care. Now, if something bothers me, I'm gonna observe and not absorb. Okay, how about that? Observe but not absorb. Because I used to observe, absorb people's feelings. It's like, oh, she's feeling bad. Oh, what is she feeling? Oh, that's what she's feeling. Okay, this is what you're feeling. It's not that no, I'm not absorbing right there, Lloyd.

Kristen: 1:11:01

I'm gonna interject right there, you guys, because that is such a powerful point, and that is could be one way we could clean up our side of the street, is to observe the other person's behavior rather than absorbing it and making it about ourselves. That's a prime example of something that we could do. That's what I'm talking about.

Loyce: 1:11:21

Yeah, and and when I started observing, I started noticing that I didn't need to interject myself in nobody's stuff. Okay, if I gave them a long enough time to sit with it, then they didn't need me because I found out that everybody would call me as soon as they hit a hard place. First person name ain't mine, they don't sit with it, was call me. So I had to start telling people, did you talk to God first? I said, Did you ask yourself what it is that's bothering you? Did you ask? And it's like, I'm like, and then when it comes to you with issues, what did you learn? I don't want I don't need to hear all that went on. He said, she said, he did this, I did that. I don't need to hear all that. What did you learn from that encounter about yourself? What stuck out strongly when you were doing this? Oh, I was willing to stand up for myself. Okay, good. What else? What else came up when you when you well I felt like that they were doing this to me? What do you think? Disrespecting me. Oh, okay, let's talk about disrespect for a minute and disrespecting you. How let's actually how can are you disrespecting you? And when we ask these questions, we do the great, I call it the great acquisition because people don't like it. People don't like being questioned about the motives of their behaviors because most times they don't know the motives of their behaviors, so they instantly they get defensive. And the thing is, it's not about getting defensive, it's about getting honest, it's about getting reflecting, it's about realigning, it's about growth, it's about beginning to realize that you don't have time to fix and judge other people because your your deal is full, you too busy evolving, okay? That's what that's what I'm doing.

Kristen: 1:13:00

Thank you, Lois. Thank you, thank you. I love the word realigning. You are realigning. Doesn't that just feel good? That feels good to me. That feels magnificent to me. By the way, Wendy backchanneled and she said she absolutely loves this community. Chris, I absolutely 100% love this community conversation. The topic is on point. Yes, it is so good. Yes, hi, hi Kathy. Kathy sent me a metal on the back methyl. Ah, what a weird word. Message on the back channel. I think that was message and channel together. Thanks. Hi, Kathy. All right, y'all. So we're gonna close up for today, but I want to leave you with this that this is not about taking fault or blame for anybody else's behavior. This is about or making you wrong when somebody else is doing whatever it is that they're doing. No, sometimes it's clearly the other person. No judge and jury is gonna sit there and say you're wrong when someone is doing this heinous thing towards you. Okay, but it's about understanding that you have no power over there. You can't change them, you can't motivate them to change, you can't get them to change, you can't change for them, you can't heal them. You've probably done everything you can possibly do, and nothing has shifted. Or not enough to really matter. How about putting yourself back in the power seat where you actually have the power and shift, change, growing, up-leveling, realigning something about yourself. It could be something as small as instead of wanting to be understood, start trying to understand. It could be something as small as I never ask for help. I'm gonna start asking for help. I don't know what it is for you. It could be shifting from your masculine to your feminine. It could be keeping your mouth shut instead of always talking. I don't know. And I don't say that sarcastically. It could be just pausing rather than reacting to your person's snarky comment. I practice this stuff. Like, let's say someone says something snarky to me. I thought, okay, how can I handle this differently rather than going, oh my god, that was so mean or rude, or and I thought, what if I just looked at them and said, hmm, that's it. What would change? It's fascinating. What will happen? I remember doing that to a couple people, they're like, What? I just said I'm just processing what you said. They tend to start backpedaling. Now, if I would argue or to defend, then they would do the same thing back to me, and then we're now in a scuffle. We're sparring. What if I just went, mm? Because here's something, y'all. You don't need to believe everything that's said about you. And you do not need to take it personally. You don't need to get your feelings hurt every time some blowhard out there is saying stuff about you. And we're just so shocked. Consider the person. Consider who they are. You're not the only one. It's really not about you. It's about them. Maybe that's the shift. Or one of them. Because when I'm talking about shifts, I'm talking uh for me, it's it's still happening to this day. Yes. Jeanette said, Other people's opinion of me is none of my business. Absolutely. She also said, Great talk, hitting it out of the park these days. Thank you, Jeanette. Appreciate that. Mm-hmm. Other people's opinions of me doesn't matter. Maybe it's about you letting people say what they want to say about you. But conversely, have you ever really listened to what they're saying about you? One of my favorite things to do is when somebody is talking about me, telling me about me, is leaning in and listening with an open heart. Is there a nugget for me in there? Is there something, some truth? And if there is, boom, I throw that in my pocket and I go work on that later. Sometimes I say, oh yes, I can see that to them. Sometimes I don't. Depends how it's coming out. It depends on the scenario, it depends a lot of things. But I want to pick up on it because I know it's going to serve me. It's also equally as serving when somebody is projecting onto you or seeing you through a lens to not pick that up. To lean in. Oh, they're saying I'm jealous. I'm really not a jealous person. No, that's somehow going through the filter of a past experience for them. Or they're saying I'm jealous. Ooh, I am. There's truth there. We got control over one beautiful little being in this life regarding change. I'm not talking about your little kids that you control when they're eating and sleeping. That's not what I'm talking about. We have control over one beautiful soul, one beautiful personality, one glorious human being that will never be here again and was not here before us, and that's ourselves. Be willing to do the best with you that you possibly can. There's something about up-leveling you, changing, morphing, growing. Do you see how I'm not always making it like there's this you gotta change yourself? It's not about that. It's about where can I expand? Where can I see things differently? Where can I react or respond differently? Where can I in a positive way that's going to lead to a better result change or shift myself? Lois said amen. She also said your real work is not about fixing others, it's regulating your vibrational frequencies. Absolutely. Absolutely. Dolores Cannon said that recently. She said, What did she say? She said The real work here on this planet is, I don't remember her. I'm gonna misquote her. Doggone it. I don't quote people well, but something to that effect of what Lois just said. Because that's really it. Alright, you guys. Appreciate you being here. Amazing conversation today. I wasn't sure how it would go, but of course, this Noom Vibe community shows up in spades, as always, just knocking it out of the park, hitting the home run, getting the jackpot every time. I hope it was very serving to you. And congratulations to Carly, who is noon to Noom Vibe. She will be receiving 300 vibes for being her first time for coming up and talking to me on my stage. I appreciate that, Carly. Hope you come back again if you're still in the room. And anybody else out there who might be working up the courage to come up onto the stage, please know that on my stage, and I could speak for all the other Noom Vibe coaches and teachers as well, is this a very safe community. This is not the wild, wild west of Twitter or other platforms. This is Noom Vibe, where we are vibing with people who are aiming towards emotional health and wellness. And I will tell you something. This app's light shines so brightly, even when someone, a little dark, comes in and tries to muddy the waters, they're out. They can't stand in the light. It's burning them. It's kryptonite. They can't stand it. And I know for me, I can speak for me, but someone comes up on my stage like that. That's a hot that is a dunk tank in 2.2. Not playing. This is about love. This is about understanding. This is about us all understanding that we are works in progress, doing the best we can, up leveling, changing, growing, trying to figure things out, seeking, falling down, getting back up again. And we're doing it together, arm in arm. We're linked arm in arm. We're the biggest line of people I've ever seen. Thanks for being here. Remember to love yourself. Remember that you got you. Remember that you can become sovereign, that you do have agency, and you have everything it takes. Because you are a self healing superstar. Much love, everybody. See you tomorrow.