The Power of Vulnerability and Emotional Honesty (Part 1 of 2)

Are you longing for deeper love, real connection, and the freedom to simply be yourself? Vulnerability is the bridge to everything your heart has been craving. When you open up, you invite in authenticity, intimacy, and the kind of relationships that truly nourish your soul. This talk explores what stops us from being vulnerable and how embracing vulnerability can transform your life — freeing you from fear, breaking down walls, and helping you finally feel seen, loved, and accepted for who you really are. 

For FREE Resources, Book Link, 1:1 Mentoring, KB's Self-Love Merch Shop and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor 

Transcript

Kristen: 0:00

Hello everyone. I'm so glad to be with you here today. Welcome to Empower Hour with KB. I am Kristen Brown. I'm an author, motivational speaker, intuitive healer, and life coach who specializes in helping individuals reclaim their true worth and embrace their personal power. Personal power. All to master their energetic vibration and manifest the life and relationships of their dreams. And I'm excited to bring to you today this conversation about vulnerability because this is all about personal power. Because the reason why people are withholding and are not being vulnerable is because they're likely living in survival mode. Life got hard, things happened in their past. They shut down, they closed their heart, they closed their mind because it was unsafe to live in that space. The problem with that is vulnerability is crucial and key if you want a healthy relationship or healthy relationships. And people are often afraid of being vulnerable because vulnerability exposes them to potential emotional pain, to judgment, or possible rejection. So, in this conversation today, I'm going to be diving into why vulnerability feels so threatening and what you can do to rise above it. Because, like I said, it is key and crucial if you want a healthy relationship. Our people won't know what's going on with us. They can't meet us where we're at. It's like a smokescreen that a person who is not being vulnerable is delivering to their people. And so the people are walking around in the dark. They're struggling through the dark, trying to find a way to connect, trying to find a way to understand you, trying to find solutions when the non-vulnerable person is not sharing the truth of their heart, their weaknesses, their fears, their idiocies, their silliness, their emotions, things that make them tick. Those little small moments in time when they're feeling it's some type of feeling and they withhold it. I've been in relations with people like this, and it's a very desolate landscape. It feels barren. Even though I might be quote unquote close to this person, it can feel like nothing is there. It can feel like I'm alone. If you guys can relate to that in any of the relationships that you've been in, please send up some emojis by clicking that button down near the bottom. If you have dealt with somebody who won't share with you, won't tell you what's really going on. There we go. Yep. Let me see. I think that was Jeannie. Yes, Jeannie. I guess Jeannie's the only one. Anybody else, oh, there we go. Anybody else has felt that way? Or perhaps Pamela, yes, she understands. Or perhaps you've been that way, where you're not sharing your deepest. Now, I'm not saying that you have to throw everything out on the table all at once. I'm saying you're just withholding in such a way that you're trying to create or trying to live a facade or smokes, you're trying to present a smoke screen so that people can't truly see who you are because the fear that you're gonna get rejected, or the fear that they're not gonna like what they see. This is a big topic today. And I welcome and appreciate and honor all the brave souls who are in this room right now, who are listening, who are wanting to learn and wanting to grow. And I often say this podcast is for the soul-led, the heart-centered, and the courageously curious. It's for the seekers, the givers, and the sacred rebels, the people who crave growth, who long for transformation and are willing to do the inner work to get there. Because to have our best life, there's only one thing and one person that we need to work on, and that's ourselves. And the crazy cool thing about this is we have the power and capacity to do so. We just have to be willing to get uncomfortable. We have to be willing to break free from the old habits and patterns that have held us back. And with holding our truth, with not being honest, with not sharing our emotions, with not talking about our needs, we cannot. It is impossible to break those habits and patterns. It's going to require truth, honesty, and vulnerability. And what I've seen, the people who choose to stay quote unquote comfortable, even though that comfortable area, that familiar area is not working, they often will have regrets because opportunities will be missed, relationships will be lost, connections will dismantle or break apart. And in their mind, they say, see, it's not safe out there. But they truly don't understand that they're creating that experience because we're human beings and humans want to connect. They want to feel joined. I feel joined with all of you. When you come on this stage and you share vulnerably, I feel connected to you. I feel a beam of light between my heart and your heart. Whether you come up once or you've come up a million times, I feel you. And I feel those of you who are contributing your energy to this room just by being here. Because you're here. Your heart is here, your desire is here. So, first I'm going to jump into why this feels so threatening. And I really encourage you, if you are listening and you relate to any of these things, to send up some emojis because that is you owning it. That is you raising your hand and taking responsibility and saying, That's me. That's me. I'm scared. I'm doing that. This is a safe place, and if there's any place that you can own, it's here. This could be the very first step in your recovery. This could be the very first step that you take towards living the life of your dreams and having the relationships of your dreams. It just might be that you've been holding back. And you're expecting others to come in and fill that void for you so that you can finally be vulnerable, so you can finally be connected. Because here's the truth, everyone. The people who are holding withholding their vulnerability, they desperately want to be loved. But they want to see the world prove it to them first. And they may have people that have come into their lives that have proven it. But because of their fears, because of their insecurities, because of their trauma lens, they're going to be looking out for the times where they don't feel safe. And then what does that amygdala do? Red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert. And the ego kicks in and starts saying, Oh, not safe, not safe. Don't go there. Don't go, don't open your heart, see what happens, see what happens. And it will distort what's really happening in order to keep you safe, quote unquote, but also stuck. So let's dive in. One of the first reasons that vulnerability can feel threatening is because of a deep fear of rejection and abandonment. When we are vulnerable and we show our true feelings, admit our fears, and ask for help, there's a risk that others won't accept you. And chances are that could have happened in your past because we all come here with an open heart, let's be honest. We're little teeny tiny babies. We're little souls, we pop into a body and we're just like, yeah, let's do this thing. And then life gets to us, and people get to us. And this big, beautiful, juicy heart that was so open starts to build a little crust around it. And then we keep going, we go a little bit more, and then it happens again, and then we build a little bit more, and we build a little bit more, and eventually it solidifies, and we've got this armor or this wall around our heart. And then we're wondering why we can't keep healthy relationships. We're wondering why we're losing people. We're wondering why life isn't expanding. And the problem is we keep pointing out there, thinking it's everybody else's fault when really, truly, it's that our heart is closed because we desperately feel fear, rejection, or abandonment. And this feeling taps into a primal fear, primal, of being left out or cast aside, which historically, back in the old ages, could have meant literal danger. Remember, that amygdala is kicking in. It's saying, threat, threat, threat, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. But we need to be willing to override this pattern, to override that amygdala that's screaming and say, I get you, I see you, you're just part of my brain, this design for my survival. But I'm safe in this environment with this person or persons. Another reason why vulnerability can feel threatening is because of shame and self-worth. Because many people carry around an internal belief that their flaws, their insecurities, or their needs make them unworthy of love and respect. Deep inside, the inner world, the inner world that I talk about all the time. We have that belief that we're our flaws, our insecurities, our fears and our needs make us unworthy of love, then of course we're not gonna express those out in the worlds, in the world, duh. Because vulnerability puts those imperfections on display, which can then trigger feelings of shame. We fear that if people see the real me, they're not gonna like me. And again, the healing journey is so ironic and paradoxical. The craziest thing about all of this is when we do put those things on display, as humans, we're empathetic and compassionate, and we go, oh, me too. And then boom, this beam of light shoots between the two hearts and we feel connected. We have to be willing to override the fear of what this means. It can also feel like a loss of control because it means giving up a degree of control about how others see us. And the uncertainty of what could come can feel terrifying. Terrifying. So those who have really joined forces with the ego and who rely on control to feel safe in relationships or situations can feel like this is the only way to go. And in order to transcend this, we must work with the ego. The ego is not bad, it's there for a reason. And like I've said a gazillion times on here, it's not strong, it's just relentless. But when you do the work and you turn towards that ego and you say, Bro, sis, I see you. Maybe even give it a name. I call it the fearful disclaimer. I call this little fearful gremlin over in the corner saying, Don't do that, don't do that. All these bad things are gonna happen. And I have the choice to say, Oh my God, you're right. I'm not gonna do it. That's so scary. Something bad can happen. Or I can say, sweet, sweetheart, I hear you. Thank you for trying to protect me. But I'm all about the business of growing. I'm all about the business of thriving. I'm all about the business of being my most healed self. I've spent decades in some type of fearful or control zone. In whatever way that looked for me and my story, I'm not gonna do that anymore. Understanding the ego was one of the biggest things on my journey. When I learned what that was, it made sense. And I was like, oh, okay. This is an illusion. This is not real. The ego lies. It's not telling me the truth, it's lying to me. And then people misconstrue intuition versus ego. They think it's intuition, but really it's fear. This is why when people say to me, Oh, I feel it in my gut, my gut, my gut, my gut, I'm like, mm-hmm, second guess that gut. Just just ask it a few questions. Don't just listen to the first thing that pops in. Get quiet and access that really gentle, soft, pillowy, unobtrusive truth that's trying to emerge. Because there is a part of you. There is a part of you, your higher self that's saying you're okay, you're safe, take a risk. Look at all these facts. You're okay. This is okay. But if that ego is screaming and we've been cahoots with it for too long, it's gonna take some serious work. It's gonna take some time for us to say, All right, I see my pattern. Number one, key, key, key. Key is self-awareness through self-reflection. The next reason why vulnerability can feel so threatening is because of cultural and social conditioning. In many societies, especially for men, vulnerability can be equated with weakness. Men are often taught to tough taught to tough it out, man up, keep it together, be the leader, be strong, be unrocked, be unmovable. Oh, you've heard me talk about this before. I feel so sorry for men. They are taught this. That's no joke. I see it all the time. I see men saying these things to their sons, even women. There's a lot of messages that we pick up in youth. In order to be this brave, strong man, I have to not feel. And the favorite story that I love to tell is from the movie 300, where Leonidas is about ready to go to battle against whatever force it is, I don't remember. Another neighboring somebody. My kids could name it right away. They could tell my, especially my boys. They could just say, Oh no, it was this force. People they remember those details. I don't. And the night before this big battle, that it was really chances are he wasn't gonna come back. And he and his wife were sitting next to a window and they were talking. She pulled him close to her and put his head on her breast, her chest. And he just laid on her and they spoke. That was his moment of vulnerability. I don't remember the context of it, but that was his moment of vulnerability, and that's what the divine feminine can bring to a man, but it can't bring it to the man. The man's not willing to be honest, if the man's not willing to be vulnerable. And one moment of that, of truth that comes across, that is spoken with respect and love and kindness, and saying, This is how I'm feeling right now. We can be met at that. But oftentimes, people who are not vulnerable, they push things aside, they allow things to stack up, they build resentment, and then they blow because they're not sharing their emotions, they're not sharing their fears, they're not sharing their needs, they're not sharing their opinions, they're not sharing anything. They're just going to get along. But there's this whole human that needs and wants to be seen and to be heard and to be understood and to connect and for people to show up with, but again, they hold it inside, they blow, they try to share how they're feeling, but it's coming out like 10,000 pies hitting another person in the face. And then when the person can't meet them at that, see, it's not safe to be vulnerable. You don't care, you don't listen. We have to take accountability, people. We got to take accountability. We got to say, how am I showing up with this? Am I doing the hard things? Am I stepping out of my comfort zone? Am I looking at the integrity and character of those around me and taking a little chance? I know it can be terrifying. I know it can be scary, but it can be done. And by golly, watch how your relationships shift, up level, grow, connect. The next reason why vulnerability can feel threatening is because of past wounds. People who have been hurt in the past, after being open, let's say through betrayal, bullying, parental criticism, an overbearing parent, emotional neglect, they can often develop protective barriers to get them through because the pain is just too much. It's just too much. So it does its job. Thank you, brain. It films a protective film. And then that person learns, consciously or unconsciously, that being vulnerable it only leads to pain pain. So let me not do it. That hurts, I'm not gonna do it. Where does that leave you? Where does that leave the relationships in your life? What has not been said that needs to be said? Whether it's the negative that you might think or the positive, where have you not held someone's face in your hands and said, I love you so much? Where have you not said, I love spending time with you? You're my favorite person. And congruently, where have you not said, it hurts me when you don't call me back? It hurts me when you don't reach out to me. It hurts me, X, Y, Z, whatever it might be. If we're not vulnerable, our people are not receiving our love, but we're not receiving love either. And then everybody feels disconnected. There are people in your life that need to hear your insides, that want to hear your insides, that are craving to hear your insides, that would give anything reasonably gotta disclaim that, to hear your insides. Are you willing? Do you see this? Do you feel this? Do you understand this? Are you scared? Maybe you've got someone in your life that's trying to be vulnerable to you and you haven't met them at that vulnerability. Is that a possibility? Maybe you can look within and say, Oh God, I've been so harsh when they've said something to me. And instead of meeting them at that and understanding that it takes so much courage, you know what's crazy? As I said the word courage, this has happened before. I have a bookshelf here on the wall that I face. The minute I said courage, I saw the book that's titled Courage by Debbie Ford. She wrote that, I believe, when she was uh suffering from cancer. If I remember correctly, beautiful woman. Inside and out. The last thing, or let me see, so last, yes, the last reason why vulnerability can feel so incredibly threatening is because of fear of intimacy. Because true, true, true connection re requires vulnerability. But real closeness can feel overwhelming because it makes us more dependent. Or at least we think so. It makes us more seen and it makes us more known. And that level of exposure can be, again, terrifying for people who aren't used to emotional intimacy. So if a person has lived their life not having that emotional intimacy, they're gonna feel like, what the hell is this? Oh my god, it's gonna feel so awkward, so gross, so weird because they've never experienced it before. We can't slight them for that. That's just their experience of life up until now. I've never seen this, I've never felt this, I've have never experienced, I don't know what this is. Red alert, red alert, red alert, don't do this. This is bad. This is outside my comfort zone. This is in the unknown. I don't like it, it's not familiar. The brain kicks in, the amygdala kits it kicks in, the ego kicks in, everything kicks in and says, You're weird. Why do you want to talk like this? Why are you doing this? Don't do it. I've actually had people say to me, a person in my history who told me not to be so open. And in my life and my knowing and my wisdom and what I've learned, I was like, what? Well, yeah, sometimes there's just too much communication, sometimes it's it's too much. But for me, being Kristen Brown, I remember thinking, oh, this is awkward for you. You've never experienced this before. Because those of you who have experienced it and know how great it feels, and I would love to send up claps. Please send up claps or any type of emoji if if you are someone who has experienced vulnerability and talking openly and how much it's helped. But there's some folks out there that haven't. There we go. Is that Christy? Okay. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna get into my listeners' lounge and give a little shout out to my brave souls. Christy, Pamela, Lisa, Sarah, Wanda, Daryl. Thanks, guys. Yeah. You guys know what there's some folks out there that it scares them to death. It's awkward, it's uncomfortable. I don't know what this is. I'm so used to hiding. Please hide with me. I'm not about that life. I can't hide. Because in within the hiding comes hinting, comes nudging, comes expectations, unspoken, comes assumptions. Do any of those things feel healthy to you guys? Hinting, hiding, expectations, assumptions, nudging somebody, passive aggressiveness. Thumbs down. None of those things work. They cause fracture, they cause dysfunction, they cause disconnection and pain because they're not healthy. They're not light, they're darkness. So that's trying to bring darkness to you. Have you ever had send up your claps and emojis somebody who's tried to pull you into their darkness because they were so afraid? And you're over here being the bright light and the truth and the honesty. Yes, was that Christy? I know Christy has. Oh, that was Jeannie. Yep. Oh, it was Christy too. Jeannie, Darrell, Lisa, Jeanette, Christy. Yes. Yes. Steven said yes too. Because they're not in touch with themselves. They're it's like they're in this little dark pit. This is my visual. And they're grasping at your pant leg and they're grasping and they're scratching you and they're pulling your shoe and they've got your shoelaces and they're trying to pull you into the pit with them because they don't want your light to shine on their dark. But if I can get you in here, if I can talk you out of the way you're being, I don't have to look at me. And I don't have to do any of these things that I've just listed. Risk rejection or abandonment. Feel my shame and unworthiness. Lose control. Address my past wounds. Or open to true intimacy. All right. If anybody has something to say, I'm going to pause right here. I would love to have you come up on the stage and share with me by clicking the circle that's right next to mine. It says join underneath. I'll put you in the queue and then I can bring you up on stage to share your thoughts on this. Otherwise, I'm going to be jumping into the flip side because I love the flip side of why vulnerability matters and what we can do to start becoming vulnerable. KB loves solution. KB loves courage. I love bravery. I love looking within. I love saying, how can I do this better? Even if it's the most minutest way or it's the big Mac Daddy. I want to deliver a beautiful version of myself. I wouldn't have the relationships that I have with my three children if I wasn't this way. And I've encouraged them to be this way. And watching them now in the world have such open, oh, it makes me want to cry and vulnerable and honest relationships and working through their crap. As things come up, one of them called me the other day and said, I'm I'm having some feelings. Can you help me to? I want to address this to my person. I was like, Yeah, man. Got on the phone with them, shared some light on the subject, and it it passed by like I never even heard anything else about it because they addressed it. The person was open to it. It's gone. The thing was gone. Because they were both open. They both shared their hearts and they're they both met each other on that plane. This is how we heal, this is how we grow. This is how we connect. All right, I gotta take her. We're gonna bring up Daryl. Daryl with the thank you, Daryl, for joining me.

Daryl: 27:21

This is a great conversation. Thanks, Daryl. Wonderful. So as you were talking, I was thinking of people in my life that, you know, close family or people that you don't always kind of get the choice you're associated by circumstance or whatever. And I was thinking about gravity and density. Like when you have fear or you have, you know, dense shame or things that haven't been processed or whatever, you you're dealing with sort of a density emotionally, right? And maybe like with gravity, like the bigger something is, the more dense it is, it's gonna pull towards it. It is this is a really great conversation to have because how is it that you stay in that light? How do you stay in that less density? Against it, you have to be very, very mindful. Only way that I've been able to get to that is to recenter because you know, you get into a situation where you're around that person and you start to take it on a little bit, and it just I don't want to say it devours you, but it like pulls you in. Yeah, yeah. And so the only way I can like do that is is uh one of the your and my favorite have hobbies, which is alone time, just being by yourselves as we talked about that, you know, off the uh air, is just like having alone time, just that solo time to kind of you know reconnect and recenter with yourself and hold hold steady in that center and that alignment that you're choosing, not that you're pulling somebody else's gravity, but you're you're your own star, right? Your own, you're your own thing.

Kristen: 29:13

What does recentering look like for you? Is there any particular practices you do that you could share with us, or is it just truly just being in your own your own mind, your own thoughts?

Daryl: 29:22

Well, for me, I have a meditation practice I've been doing for about 24 years. In that practice, I have gotten really well with trying to tame my thoughts in a way that I'm more in control and it's less in control. You know, I talk about in some of my talks about you know how I fill uh myself with the source of excitement or things that I'm interested in. If I if I couldn't like tap into that, then maybe I could fall into somebody else's dark cloud and be pulled into that direction because it's a response to that pull. And for me, like it's a center, I listen to certain audio. Okay, that's a really important thing for me. Like a binaural beats or just sort of sort of like like a Spanish guitar or just something that just allows me to get break away from the noise of life, not of nature, but of life itself. And so I'm very lucky that I do get to have that kind of time. And I think that everybody should try to afford the people around them some space because that that space, that time, that you know, hoodie moment where you you know you get inside a hoodie and you put the hoodie over your head and you disappear with some music and you're gone, right? And it's just like I think we need to give people more space like that. More, more, more space to re-cocoon to come back out.

Kristen: 30:53

Well, Daryl, I'm gonna invite you to give a talk on the hoodie moment. The hoodie moment. The hoodie moment. I think that's brilliant. There's a guy at my gym who walks around with a sweatshirt on, even now. It's 165 degrees in Arizona, and he's got his hoodie on, long sleeve hoodie, and he wears it the whole time. And I've looked at him like, is he trying to sweat or is he trying to hide? Is he trying to be in his own head? You know, because I study everybody. But that's kind of the feeling of it. And I remember when my daughter was going through a lot of anxiety, she lived in hoodies. She lived in them because she felt very cocooned in those. Even she would wear them when it was hot. And I thought, okay, this is what she needs to do. But man, that's a great talk, Daryl. Yeah.

Daryl: 31:37

Do you want me to come back up?

Kristen: 31:38

I sure you can. Yeah, come back up. But I also want to say before Daryl comes back up, is that I will tell you that Daryl's one of my friends who we can have the most open conversations together because we're we both are so vulnerable. We're so honest about what we're feeling and and where we're at, and like, ooh, that's true. No, that's not true. I just wanted to say that because you're not talking about yourself, Daryl, when you're talking about this. You're very vulnerable.

Daryl: 32:08

Yeah, I try to be. And the other thing is, is um, I was talking to my stepson today. He went for his driver's test today, and there was yeah, so um, he's not sure how he did, but we were talking about he's going off to college, and I was saying, you know, I really hope that because sometimes his thoughts can be very dense, right? And he locks into what his expectation is and he judges anything that could be outside of that judge, that expectation, right? And um, and so what I call that was calcification, like you're calcifying the thought with the emotion, with the expectation and all of that before it actually becomes true, like before you actually experience the thing. And fake imposter was on here talking about fear and how the majority of fears just never happen, they never manifest. It's true. And so, yeah, so when you're around somebody that is holding on to a lot of calcification, a lot of expectations of how the world works, but it's not your experience and how work how life has to work or how it works for you and it's in your best form, right? Then you have to be honest with yourself that your way is good too, right? And somebody else that has already calcified the ideas and basically built the rock sculpture of how this is gonna go before it even happens, right? That's not as good as maybe making the rocks happen after it's happened in the history where it belongs. That's where the rock statues belong, is in your history, right? Because that's when you've that's when you've done it, that's when you've experienced it, and that's when you can say, I survived that, or I struggled and I can learn from that. I think that adding judgment and expectation and overconfidence is a thing that can really hold us back. And when we get around people like that, we we think, oh, they're so certain. So I've got to trust in them because they're so certain. But you have to also be able to sit with yourself and say, you know what? And and big and, and this works for me. And this is where I settle in for my best life. This is what it looks like. And you can't get to that if you're in somebody else's cloud, right? Or you're in somebody else's expectation of you. You know what I mean?

Kristen: 34:37

I do. I like that you brought up calcification because were you in the room when I was given the visual about this little film that gets around the heart and then it gets a little deeper and a little harder, and then it starts to solidify. I was looking for the word calcification, and of course you bring it up. But yeah, also, I love that you said that fake imposter said that most fears never happen. I think that's part of this whole process to becoming vulnerable, is asking ourselves, because a lot of times we're thinking, what if blank happens? How about switching that narrative to what if it doesn't? What's on the other side of this? Because I see the importance of this, I see it's making sense that I can shift this and I can have a better experience. So, how about instead of looking at the negative, how if I look at that? There is this possibility based on the fact that most fears never happen, what if something magnificent comes out of this?

Daryl: 35:34

Right. Yeah, sitting in anticipation of more reasons to wonder. If you position yourself in that case, what do you think you're gonna see more of? Like if you're in a position of anticipation of what's gonna make you wonder next, that's a lot better than what's gonna make you anxious next or fearful next. Because waiting, you know, waiting for the next thing to drop on news or some kind of you know silo you're in in social media or whatever, that's just reinforcing that the next fear is around the corner. So I don't know if this is on topic. I'm sorry, but I'm just saying in general, it's just being vulnerable is to know yourself and give yourself that that second to say this can be true as well, that I can have my own space of light. And it can be okay to be different than somebody else's certainty over here. Thanks for having me.

Kristen: 36:30

Thank you so much, Daryl. Thanks. Yeah, thanks for coming up. That was wonderful. Wherever these conversations go, wherever any guest goes, is always relevant because it starts off on one topic, but like was Daryl was saying, when he goes in these other directions, there's somebody that's connecting to what he's saying in the relevancy of their own experience in their own life. That's why I love when you all come up on the stage, because it it's going to make sense in the big picture of everything that we're talking about.

Jennifer: 37:08

I wish I had a pencil and paper like you suggested yesterday in your talk. Because I was like, I'll remember that, I'll remember that, I'll remember that. Emotion emotional honesty and vulnerability. That's something I've tried very much to teach to Ben. And I remember when he was really little, like two or three, and I was crying, and he was so upset. Like, what's wrong? It's wrong, it's wrong. And I said, Ben, there's nothing wrong, I'm just sad. Wrong. I mean, there are reasons I'm sad, but it's not wrong.

Kristen: 37:43

And um so good. That's so good, Jennifer.

Jennifer: 37:46

Yeah, and with him having his Tourette syndrome. I remember the days thing at Waffle House where he had a loud vocal tick, you know, whoop and it was loud. And people turned to look, and he was like, Mom, they're looking at me. I said, Well, sure they are, Ben, you made a noise. I said, That's so mean. I said, No, it's just a fact. It's just a noise. If someone drops a plate of glasses, and they're they're a waiter and they drop a plate of glasses, everyone turns to look. We orient to the noise because saber tooth saber-toothed tiger danger. And as soon as our mind goes, Oh, that's not a saber-toothed tiger, he drops some glasses. The guy is still sweeping up the glasses and making a lot of noise and no one's looking because they know what it is. And that was for some reason a pivotal moment for him where he just accepted that whatever he was doing was okay. People just didn't know what it was. You know, and so we go to the movies or we go to the theater or the ballet, and Ben will talk to the people around him, hey, do you know what tread cinema is? He's done this since he was in elementary school. And yes I do, or no I don't, and or a little bit, tell me. And so he'll tell them, and he'll say, if you hear a noise, just me, and it's just my tread. And then when he does make that noise, if he does, you know, during the ballet or the whatever it is, symphony, people don't stare at him because they know what it is. They don't need to. There's no danger response. Today, so today we dropped Ben off at school on Wednesday and moved him into his freshman year. You know, he just has this enormous confidence, just walking around. You know, he's gone to his teachers and professors and three of them so far, and just said, Hey, I have Tread syndrome. If this is what you see, then just ignore it. This is kind of part of it. And anxiety sets it off because he's trying to be proactive. And if he opens that door for conversation, then the day comes where he has anxiety instead of his usual isolate and shut down, he's got another path because he's already created it and opened it to the teacher. Vulnerability that he has that so far, Kristen, it's not been received poorly.

Kristen: 39:57

Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer: 40:00

with people the more it being worked is that it's okay. You know, and I'm so proud of him. Right now he's in the emergency room. He's by himself almost two hours away and something happened and and I said go to this nurse and the nurse said go to the urgent care and the urgent care said go to the emergency room. And he just texted me along the way. Hey this is where I am this is what I'm doing. I said great glad you're taking care of it. You know, are you good doing this by yourself or do you need anything? No I'm good. I'll fill you in. You know he just doesn't he doesn't walk through the world with well he has anxiety so he does have those irrational fears. But he also works to prevent it. And he knows that everything that's inside of him is okay because we all have something.

Kristen: 40:47

Yeah.

Jennifer: 40:48

I probably told you this story before and if I time out can I come back and finish it.

Kristen: 40:52

No one's in the queue.

Jennifer: 40:54

So we were serving the homeless downtown which we've done for years. In fact Tuesday Ben came with me just to drop off food because we were packing and say goodbye to a whole bunch of people because you know they know him. It's pretty cool. But a couple years ago we were serving and there was a couple they were married and they had just gotten the news that day that they got housing and they were so excited. And we were talking and we were talking yeah and Ben was having these little like head and neck and eye ticks hold on I'll be right yep come on back Jennifer.

Kristen: 41:25

Okay Jennifer's gonna come back up I love that did you hear what she said you guys Ben's been vulnerable and so far it's been 100%. Always that's amazing.

Jennifer: 41:36

Always and then so we're sitting there we're just talking and and Ben's having these you know head and shoulder movements and eyes and I just kind of the four of us were in a little bit of a circle and I kind of leaned to my left and to the wife and said hey just so you know Ben's got Trettes he would explain it. She goes oh I know I have Trettes and like the whole conversation stopped and Ben goes really and she goes yeah I know what it was and the husband's like yeah I knew what it was and um and Ben goes we all have something my mom's an alcoholic and and I was like good for you Ben because he knows that's just us that's part of me. It's a fact it's there we all have something and then the husband goes oh my god I have nine months clean and I said congratulations you know he said what do you have and at that time it was like 16 years now in a couple weeks it'll be 19 years. I'm like I have 16 years he's like oh my god this is great we just had the most amazing genuine open conversation where I could support someone my son who was what 15 14 at the time just like felt so comfortable with his Tourette syndrome that we all have something who's like yeah my mom's an alcoholic and it just opened this door which I I promise you the more secure the more vulnerable you are and the better it's received the more secure you are with who you are. I'm comfortable with who I am and if it if someone doesn't respond well that's okay it's nothing personal.

Kristen: 43:10

They just that's where they are in their life.

Jennifer: 43:14

I want to say something Jennifer and imagine the conversation with just stayed with oh we got housing and this and that then consider the you know how the emotion the degree of connection then consider the conversation after everybody's relating to Tourette's and recovery isn't there a vast difference between the way those two conversations felt absolutely because of them yes we're super supportive like oh my god that's great news it's great news but housing is news it's outside of who you are and we were able to who we are and not just what we do or where we live or good news but like who we are and and that's an entirely different conversation.

Kristen: 44:06

So that's that's amazing because that's what I was thinking and like they went from a quote unquote topical conversation which is great news and it's awesome and everybody's happy and good emotions and high fiving to now we're talking about depth. Now we're talking about the truth of us now we're talking about our struggles and the things that we've been through and then on top of that you have people saying me too that's so much connection.

Jennifer: 44:34

Absolutely and I'm telling you and you know this ever I'm telling everyone many people know this it makes for a richer life yes it just makes for a richer life because we can find connections and sorry for the noise I'm getting into the car to add out a medical test all is well but um it's so cool Kristen because I can find connection with someone almost anywhere almost anywhere. You know I can be talking to I can be lobbying in Congress for a Tread Association which I've done talking to you know my senators my my representatives and I can be talking to someone homeless on the street and I can be talking to I mean just that's that's such a discrepancy right I can be talking to so many different people and find commonity and it's genuine but it doesn't come without the willingness to be vulnerable and I think that the more comfortable weather you know it's just where they are beautiful Jennifer thank you so much for coming up I will say I was I was a little triggered with Ben moving going away and it was it was unusual for me. I cried a lot and I got mad easily so I got something to look at about that. Because he went away to school when he was 14.

Kristen: 45:53

Yeah yeah so understandable mama totally understandable thank you for coming up that was such a brilliant vulnerable again there's a vulnerable share that's when we relate we're all relating to that beautiful vulnerable share all right I have Sarah in the queue and then after Sarah I'm gonna be diving into how to practice vulnerability how do we get her done hey Sarah welcome thanks for coming hey I just wanted to cough in and be a little because I'm having a really here about two days Sarah pause for me pause for me Sarah pause for me yeah we're getting a robotic we're getting a robotic version of you can you reposition so we have better yeah yeah is this any better yep you're perfect now go ahead okay so I wanted to just like pop on and be vulnerable because I like my binging behaviors they've been like back for two days I just completed a huge move which I'm not like settled in and I'm like prepping to move out again with I'm a dog sitter so it's like I pack my and I go stay with the dog for several days and I'm really like struggling. I tried at first to just like push through you know not really taught it I'm not being very successful and I'm getting to this point where I'm still moving around and doing the stuff I'm not like trying to overcorrect but I have like this migraine because like now like it's a lot and I just needed to be honest and share that with my people I love that and I love that you're talking about it out loud and how does it feel to share?

Sarah: 47:45

It's like be honest um the other thing it's like I talk to you guys like all the time and I'm doing so good in so many places so it's hard it's just like hard like seeing the reality is that I'm like struggling.

Kristen: 48:05

Do you feel a little closer to yourself? Do you feel more honoring of you by speaking this out loud?

Sarah: 48:14

I do I I do I definitely feel like and I think that's why I was like oh she's talking about a vulnerability I need to just just be honest and then yeah I think I do feel closer to myself and yeah well we all go through these struggle periods.

Kristen: 48:32

And I think you mentioned at the beginning when you were robotic correct me if I'm wrong.

Sarah: 48:36

Okay I may have heard incorrectly but did you say you're in for a couple of days you've been binging yeah I've got it's like this is day three and okay food food binging? Yeah that's my thing when I explain when I'm triggered that's what happened right go down this long path.

Kristen: 48:56

Okay so let's not judge this. Yeah let's not judge this let's take 10 steps back and look at binging Sarah because binging Kristen sees binging Sarah by the way take a step back and just say oh look at what I did look at what I do and give compassion and love and forgiveness to that part of you that is still responding that way to stress and emotion because what we tend to do and I could hear your voice I could hear the tears welling up like you're judging yourself and feeling so bad. How about do something different? And say I'm not gonna judge myself I've girl some of the binges I've had I'm like what am I doing? And it lasts for like three days now I'll I've even said to my husband like do you see me? I can't stop eating crap and then all of a sudden it goes away but I do it in observation what's going on with me? What's happening? What's driving this behavior who what which part of me needs love right now and as soon as I do that the next day I'm not binging.

Sarah: 50:06

It's like whoa self-love is is really powerful I think this was part of it I was like taking my like shadow and putting it in the light yeah I'm so proud of you for doing that and I think I'm gonna dig in and try to because I've never really seen I don't ever see myself binging I'm just doing it but I see it for whatever reason now and I will try to look and see what's what's up like what am I needing are you saying Sarah that during the binge you don't notice but after the fact you're like oh my gosh what did I what am I doing?

Kristen: 50:43

Like when do you notice it?

Sarah: 50:45

Yeah I typically Oh come on back Sarah sorry I was staring off into space and I see you Laura Laura has entered the queue yeah come on back Terry just said cheese curls are his weakness we all have one go ahead Sarah please continue yeah I feel like in the past I just have binged and not noticed but for whatever reason this week when it started because I've been like really just healthy and like practicing all my behaviors healthy behaviors and when it started I noticed it like I watched myself get really stressed out and I was like oh no why am I feeling this like dysregulation and now here I am like it was the first day I was like oh my goodness I'm binging I can tell and I just like was like snacking and it was just like rice cakes at first and then the second day I noticed it and like I see myself is what I'm trying to say is that I can see myself currently binging which in the past I've never seen it. I've just it's happened and then I feel sick and I'm like oh I hate myself but I see it and I don't know how to stop it and I just like want to stop it because it's making me like lethargic and I don't feel good and it is the reason and I see it and it's like I'm watching myself do this.

Kristen: 52:18

Well you've just done something completely different than you've done before you caught it faster you brought it to the light you're bringing it out loud you're talking about it and but you said something key there. You said but I've always I'm not sure the exact words you said hated myself or gotten mad at myself and then get over it or you use force of will not to do it but then eventually it comes back again because the habit hasn't had been broken. I know it sounds trite I know it sounds a little ridiculous and like can it really be that easy I'm telling you shoot love to that self that part of you that is responding to stress in this way say oh I see you you're okay I love you I you caught this this is how I stopped binging it was just through loving myself and not judging myself because the judging ourselves adds more to the pit we feel even worse and you know we're doing the emotional eating because we don't feel good in the first place and now we're adding to it. How about not adding to it?

Sarah: 53:19

Right I think what I'm gonna do is have a little chat with myself and try to see what needs some extra love. Um I know it's time for me to do my nails which sounds ridiculous but it makes me really happy I'll just kind of focus on some love the next couple of days.

Kristen: 53:41

Yeah I'm going to a new dog's house so that'll be great I like recently lost my dog so it'll be nice to have like just like a dog to hang out with again so uh yeah I'm binging I have I have binged I have binge let's claim it like it claim it like it's the past not your current I have binged I'm choosing to do things differently now I'm gonna love that part of me who was not in touch with her emotions and just went to the self-soothing strategy there's a better way that I can soothe myself and that is through giving myself compassion and love. Thanks Kristen you're welcome Sarah thank you for coming up all right you guys that was Sarah such a beautiful vulnerable share let's send up a whole bunch of love and claps for her because that was I can tell that was hard for her I could feel her energy and she's like but I'm doing it I'm gonna do the hard thing I'm going on the stage I'm gonna share how what I've been doing recently and there we go there's the love and claps and how many of us have done the same thing so many of us we feel something we're not in touch with our emotions we go to the the feel good thing we don't even know what's going on but I promise you when you make the shift from judgment to observation things are going to change you're gonna see it different you're gonna notice this really calm gentle shift it's just gonna start to change and you're gonna say why aren't I binging anymore? You're gonna look at it the opposite way but let it take time let it take its course just practice something different the smallest shift in perception the smallest two degrees that we shift off of our old pattern will take us in an entirely new direction. Thank you Sarah all right next up we have Steven and I will tell you this will likely go into a part two where I'm gonna talk to you about how to become more vulnerable because we have a lot of people in the queue.

Steven: 55:52

Welcome Steven Hey how's it going? Doing great thanks yeah me too oh man you started explaining different things and oh there was a part of me that slid back and it's like yeah I remember not being able to do that and just not being able to drag words out of a person and I'm like okay that was it and I remember hearing about the vulnerability in 2018 and then in that class and it slowly starting to be that way. You kind of do it a little bit at a time if Peter's in the room he will understand this. If you're in a recovery community when you walk through those doors and on a Saturday night for me and it's the same church you go to on Sunday morning it's different. You still smell the coffee but the coffee smells different and you just realize okay I walked through that door and when I walk through I just admitted to myself and the rest of the world yeah I'm not okay and I'm here period yes yep Peter said Ben there and he is in the room. It's I'm getting chills thinking about it because I just remember realizing this like you guys don't know me from Adam and I'm going to share stuff you can think what you want but this is my story and that's how we connect is to share your story. And did it feel like standing naked in front of a room full of strangers did it kind of feel like that at first a little bit because I didn't wear a polo shirt and nice jeans but I wore not I wore jeans a nicer pair of jeans I wore a nicer t-shirt and I was coming at it from the codependency thing and there were lots of tats and piercings and I'm like what'd you do droll by the jail and pick up people that actually they had we have a program called bridges attached it's drug cord attached to the jail and they send two vans down there. Oh nice I met people that were that had had addictions I met one young man whose dad is a couple years older than me that was he would show up when he was high sometimes. I couldn't tell it just seemed like sometimes he was more talkative but you slowly start to practice it and then being newly single you slowly start to meet women and sometimes they're not open to that I had the weakness term thrown at me and I kind of laughed at it because I'm like yeah you don't understand the difference between weakness and weakness I could do that but I choose not to. Oh gotcha okay some people would call it addictive to a person because that's kind of what codependency is I'll be okay if you're okay it's kind of how it goes and coming at it from that angle that's why I really am intrigued by all this neuroplasticity and all this stuff because I didn't come into it from this substance I just want to understand why we do the things we do and kind of why stuff was done to me the way it was done and part of it was trying to understand my ex. Now it's yeah that's your problem not mine and let's let's work on Steve and he's he's willing to work so let's work on him.

Kristen: 59:40

That willingness is huge.

Steven: 59:42

Yeah man when you when you finally find open people oh my gosh you're almost not used you're so not used to it and it's a beautiful thing isn't it Jeanette just messaged me and said codependence anonymous okay

Kristen: 1:00:00

I didn't I didn't know there was that. That might be the group that he is referring to. So, you know, I will say that that Steven's another one who has come up to the stage and has been so vulnerable in his shares. And this is why removing needles in people's life, guys, meaning the gauge. Okay, that sounds terrible talking about addiction, but you know what I mean? Like the gauge, the the gas needle, the gas gauge, removing the gas gauge in people's lives. Christy, I tried to bring you up. I got the uh-oh. So let's see, Christy. I'm gonna give her a second to rejoin, see if we can get that. I know she's out in the country on a beautiful farm, so she may not always have the best connection. So, Christy, I tried with you. I'll give you a few more seconds to rejoin the queue to see if you do. Sometimes it could be something else. So I'm gonna go ahead and bring up Laura. We'll bring up Laura and see if Laura works. If not, and then I will go back to Christy if she rejoins. Hi, Laura, thanks for coming.

Laura: 1:01:00

Hello. Hi. Thanks for the topic. It's been um it's important for me because it's I've been having a hard time. Because I can't um get it. Because I can't join the other topics that are happy or grateful. Um because I'm just at a little really low point right now with myself and like my body image and the way I feel and the decisions I'm making or not making. I'm just working to counteract it. But it's really hard.

Kristen: 1:01:40

What are you doing to try to do to what you say counteract?

Laura: 1:01:44

Well, on um Wednesday was my first, I have four days off, and I have this I said I have to get all these things done in four days because if I don't, I'm gonna be sorry because I'll it's gonna hit me hanging over my head. And I just laid in bed and watched TV all day. I laid next to the clothes that I needed hang up. I just watched TV. So I stopped beating myself up about it and said it's my day to rest.

Kristen: 1:02:09

Oh, good.

Laura: 1:02:11

Um, and then I decided to try to get a hold of a medical psychology psychiatrist to get talk about my prescriptions, like because I noticed that if I take Adderall, which I've had bottles of, I never use it, and it's they just drag them out. And but when I do use it, I do does often help me get up and get moving. So I did that and I was moving, and I was that might have been the next day. But um, but I just talk about it with I called a friend and talked about it.

Kristen: 1:02:41

And did it help to talk about it?

Laura: 1:02:44

Oh yeah. Good. But it's just I don't understand why I just can't function sometimes. I'm a fixer and I like to fix things and it's like get fixed, damn it. You know, stop it.

Kristen: 1:02:58

Laura, I've seen you on such a beautiful path. You're on Noom Vibe. I've watched you go up, I've watched you go down, I've watched you say up, and it's sometimes we dip a little bit. And I think the key here is grace. Just saying, oh, look, I'm having a dip. Hmm. Let me just observe this. Because again, we can be so judgmental and harsh to ourselves and like I shouldn't be doing this, I don't want to be doing this, or something wrong. No, just observe it. I'm in a dip right now. I know how to get out of this, and I will. That alone has lifted me out of something by just simply not judging it and saying, This is just where I'm at. For some something drops off of me in that moment. Have you ever had that experience or tried that? Yes.

Laura: 1:03:47

Yeah.

Kristen: 1:03:48

Yeah. It's like the minute I give myself permission to not be okay, I start feeling better. Again, none of the crazy paradoxes on this journey. It's like, you know what? Instead, we fight it. There's something wrong with me. I shouldn't be doing this, I should be doing that, should, should, should. No. Like you said, your day off, you said, I want to rest. It's okay to rest. You're a fixer and a doer and a goer, but you wanted to rest. How about just going, I'm just gonna rest today? That's what I'm doing. Because every time I've given myself that permission, for some reason, the next day I pop up. It's like I just needed to honor me. Does that resonate at all?

Laura: 1:04:28

Yeah, that I mean that's what I did yesterday, but I mean, my the stuff that I needed to do got cut off because my kids took me out for my birthday, and we went on a ferry over to the city and had lunch and stuff. And you know, they of course we were late. We missed the ferry and had to wait because of them. Bad choices on some people. But I let it go. I didn't I saw I didn't said I could I could have been doing my errands, you know, but I I just let it go. And but I was happy, you know, I was happy, and I thought when I got home I would get busy again, but I didn't. I just relaxed.

Kristen: 1:05:02

It was also your birthday, sis. Yeah. Oh yeah. Do you you're gonna time out, you'll have to answer me because I do have one person in the queue. You might have to back channel me or you get back in the queue. Actually, just come back up. Just come back up. Do you have really high standards for you? I'm gonna hear the answer to that question because I've I have I have an inkling that might be happening here. I do. That's a problem.

Laura: 1:05:26

It's it's it's that um before I do something, I want to have all my ducks in a row. I make a mountain out of a mohill thinking about it, and if I just act, it'll be a lot easier. But yeah, I have high standards for myself. And then the other thing is that I don't see I don't see the I don't feel like I'm the body I'm in. I feel like I'm the 16-year-old or the 20-year-old.

Kristen: 1:05:50

Mm-hmm.

Laura: 1:05:51

Not the 64-year-old.

Kristen: 1:05:53

Mm-hmm. Oh, could this be part of birthday depression too?

Laura: 1:05:57

I mean, I had to get through that birthday because that's the age my mom died. So I had to get past 63.

Kristen: 1:06:04

Mm-hmm.

Laura: 1:06:05

And instead of staying fit and, you know, living my ultimate, I kind of turned into my mother and I'm really bad at myself.

Kristen: 1:06:13

Ah, I knew there was something under here. Mm-hmm. Oh. This is time to forgive yourself. This is time to forgive yourself, grace and forgiveness, and choose differently for you if you so shall choose. But sitting in the beating up of it, it's only gonna pull you down even further. You may not like or enjoy where you are, but that doesn't mean you're your mother. It just means in your set of circumstances and life and things that happened, this is how it went for you. But you gotta give yourself grace. That's really it. Remember, self-love tenants, grace and forgiveness, number one. Grace and forgiveness of self. And I promise you, it's like the magic elixir. It's like the man pulls up on the rickety old cart with the mule in front, and he's got the sashes hanging off of it, and all these things, and he hands you this little bottle and says, Take this. That's what self-forgiveness does. And then he goes away and you're like, Where did he go? Where did this come from? Wow, that was amazing. So, this is really about loving yourself, really. You're an amazing individual, Laura. You do cool things, but you're very hard on yourself, really hard on yourself. And you have these really super high standards and expectations of yourself, and when you don't do it, you start beating yourself up. So, this is where the reparenting aspect comes in, where you see yourself as a little child and what they can accomplish in a day, or the fact that they needed a nap, or whatever it might be, and treating yourself like the little girl inside of you. What does she really need right now? What would be perfect and ideal for her in her world to hear and to feel? Yeah. Does that resonate? Does that fit? Do you say, hmm, I can see that, or or I can see yesterday's topic, um you know, the inner child or the killing the inner child. Yeah. I missed the first part where you said you clicked out something about topic. Did you hear of the topic the other day? Yeah, yesterday I think it was the inner child or protect your piece or yeah, there's a protect your piece one, and then there was an inner child one. There's also a reparenting one. They're all real close, they're all within the last five days, six days, something like that. So maybe revisit those and take some notes and say, okay, where can I step up for Laura? Where can I do for her what no one's done for her before? How can I shift this energy and change this narrative and claim something different for myself? You're powerful. And I know you are because I know what you do in your own life. It's time to turn that energy back to Laura. Because it's been everywhere else. It's been everywhere else. Everybody else is set, Laura. Take your hands off. Your hands go to you now. And I've had to make that shift myself because I was the same way. And now I just, it's Kristen. What do I need for me? What do I need to give me? And I know you're gonna do it because I can already tell there's a shift in your energy. Because your inner knowing knows it just clicked for you. You're like, okay, okay.

Laura: 1:09:10

Yeah, my head felt like it was gonna like wanted to explode and now it's calmed down. So yeah.

Kristen: 1:09:16

Well, that's your openness, by the way. Because you could be fighting this and still feel the same way, but your open heart and your open mind is what allowed that. So, again, that's another kudos to you, another testament to your strength and your openness. We gotta give ourselves the credit we deserve, you guys. We're some pretty freaking cool people that have been through a lot of crap. And I don't want to say crap, if you know what I mean. We've been through a lot, we've done a lot, we've been there for a lot of people. Sometimes we're the last person that we've paid attention to. And sometimes we just need a little voice of reason to come in and say, How about this? But doggone it, when you guys are receiving like this, that's the miracle. It's a shift from fear to love. It's what a course of miracles call is a miracle, a shift from fear to love, from lack to abundance, all these type of things. Thank you, Laura. Love you, sis. You got this. I'm not even worried about you. I know you got this. Okay, Christy's back in, so we're gonna try Christy again, and then Terry is next. Christy, welcome. Good to see you.

Kristi: 1:10:26

But yeah, you too. It's a minute, and lots of happened in the last month or so. And I'll tell you, I the people that you come up to your stage, I just can't reiterate enough how important it is to listen to them, what they say. Daryl with the dashes when he was saying about the I I'm I'm guessing he was referring to family members. That was kind of what I was picking up on, and I have that experience too. And unfortunately, my ability to be vulnerable is very limited because I am at the farm 99.9% of my life, and there aren't a whole lot of people that I can be vulnerable with. So if I don't feel safe with that, a lot of times I just have to be vulnerable with myself, and it may be me reiterating to myself that what I'm doing is okay, and I don't need anybody else to help me make decisions. So, and Ben, man, what a phenomenal young man to have Tourette's and have that much vulnerability and trust him himself at a young age, being a freshman. That that is just incredible. Jennifer, you and your family do a phenomenal job with him. My friends that are having a lot of stress with the eating, the binge eating, losing your doggie. I am so so sorry with the stresses. Just know that it's really tough losing pets. I know that they're my kids, and I have 43 of them, and I've lost several of them, and it's the hardest thing. Yeah, yeah, I lost seven within a year. And Kristen got me through that so many times, and she said, You just gotta forgive and let them go because they had their chances here, now they're better where they are, and release that that pressure and and intensity on ourselves. But you're you're going to maybe trip a little and maybe eat something that you don't want to, or do something you don't want to. But again, that grace and forgiveness is so important to have at that time. And and and the one that you are, this doggy sitting, get involved in that dog and snuggle it up and get that special positive love that they just have with that unconditional love. Anywho, I guess I just wanted to share what I've been doing. When I moved, I'm I'm I'm a Michigan native. My mom and dad and I moved down to Georgia 10 years ago, and I have not been back to Michigan in the 10 years I've been down here. A majority of it was because of me being so dedicated to the farm. But there were a lot of times when people would want me to travel and come up there, and I just couldn't. For 10 years, I've been locked at the farm, happy as can be, however, not really extending myself to any open any opportunities. So these last six weeks have been a little bit of a whirlwind, but I'm really proud of myself for being vulnerable on reaching out and getting my cottage listed, and I was either going to do some improvements on it, or I was going to find a different place, and I actually found a different place on Lake Ocone down here in Georgia. So I've been through meeting new people, and I'm already manifesting that there's gonna be a guy there with me at the at the lake house and at the farm, and I've met some new friends, I've got some really decent, really pretty uh nice people in Madison, Georgia. That is such a cool city. Anybody that knows Madison, I'm sure they're going to agree. So, anyway, so I've been really trying to be vulnerable and and have faith in myself that I can make the decisions and and make the good decisions because when I do get in a downer mood, that's when I tend to escape and not want to be around people. That's when I do shopping, I go on, I browse the internet and I want to get on everybody else's Facebook and just kind of know what they're doing because it seems like that why does everybody else get to be happier and I don't get to have the things that I did? And that was a vicious cycle for me, and it took me a long time to break that and to have that grace and forgiveness of okay, I'm slipping up. Why am I? What's the reason? Okay, let's figure this out and forgive myself and just keep moving on. And it it just helps so much to have that peace within yourself.

Kristen: 1:14:52

Absolutely. That means it's so important. Thank you so much, Christy, for taking the time to come up today.

Kristi: 1:14:59

Yes, love you guys, and I've been listening to your talks all the time, Kristen, just not all the time when you're live.

Kristen: 1:15:05

So okay, Christy. Love you, sister. Thank you.

Kristi: 1:15:09

Oh, love you too.

Kristen: 1:15:11

All right, very good, encouraging words from Christy. Yes, doing the work, doing the thing. Oh, thank you for that, Christy. All right, we got Terry Toe Teza from the UK. Let's hear from you, brother.

Terry: 1:15:25

Lord G. She's in my step fam, and she's so sweet, you know. She's always saying, Oh, I um um I didn't reach my goal. And uh and uh look, Laura, as I said to you, you do the best you can do. I'm not concerned how many steps anybody does, you know, just a bit of fun for me. And uh on a good day, I do my best and I'll do 10,000 steps. I might do 15,000. And some days I'll be eating a bed, bag of cheese coals, drinking a glass of red wine. And that's my best, you know. And uh look, showing your heart is is is a superpower. Not many people do it. And as she said about Facebook, yeah, you're seeing the best of people. Sometimes it's not even real, it's a mask. And uh, everybody wants to say, look at my life, isn't amazing, you know. But um sometimes that's hard hiding something, you know. Everybody has their own way of coping. So Darrell did a talk recently. Don't compare, be rare, you know. Nobody on this earth is perfect. And the amount of times I've been vulnerable on this app, you know, and on the on the past app even shed a few tears. And even Darrell sheds tears on this app, you know. Many of us have, yeah. Because that is being a human being. This is such a safe space to be vulnerable and share your heart, you know, and have compassion and don't do not judge. So um, yeah, and and Kristen, you do an amazing job. And um I'm even being vulnerable now because I'm getting emotional either.

Kristen: 1:17:10

Um I love when you get emotional, Terry. I love it. You and Snoopy.

Terry: 1:17:17

That's right. Now now I I tell you something, there's a story behind Snoopy.

Kristen: 1:17:23

I thought there might be.

Terry: 1:17:24

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why did why is is peanuts been so popular throughout the decades? And Snoopy in particular. Because Snoopy emphasizes the being in the present moment, yeah, yeah, being creative and finding solutions to things, and finding joy in the little things. Yeah.

Kristen: 1:17:50

And I also think giving zeros, if you know what I mean.

Terry: 1:17:54

Giving zero Fs, exactly.

Kristen: 1:17:56

She's just like, whatever, dudes, just doing Snoopy.

Terry: 1:18:01

This is uh merchandise from that recent movie, uh a year or two ago, whenever it was. And uh I saw it and it was relatively cheap, and I thought, uh yeah, I need a Snoopy in my life. And um, yeah, the inner child, we should always nurture it. Because the problem with modern life is people lose their childlike wonder and innocence, you know. One day you think the world is falling, and the next day you're la you're laughing and singing for joy. That is life. And give yourself grace, as you said, KB.

Kristen: 1:18:34

Do you know that I'm looking at my Snoopy right now on my bookshelf? He's old, he's gray, he's got a cut in his neck, and he's wearing a lifeguard outfit. And he was he was my stuffed animal back when I was a little kid. And he's the one that I kept all these years. I have him and this little tiny monkey called Daisy. That's it.

Terry: 1:18:53

There you go. You know, we always enjoy the little things because one day you were you you look back and realize they were the big things. Thank you, KB. Peace and love to Laura.

Kristen: 1:19:03

Peace and love to you. Thank you, Terry, so much. You guys, I every time I come up with one of these. Before I say that, I'm gonna read um Christy's message so that I don't read it 10 minutes later and then it doesn't make sense. She said, I'm a Snoopy fanatic and Woodstock. They are always happy. Yeah. This was one of those conversations that I said, Well, it's gonna hit or it's gonna miss. I don't know why I question that sometimes, because I think by now you all expect me to bring the deep, real conversations regarding life and relationships and healing. And I don't know why I get surprised every time when I come up and the queue fills up, and we have Daryl and Jennifer a couple times, and Sarah and Stephen and Laura and Christy and Terry. And I always have so many amazing visitors and speakers. And I think it's because there was there's this part of my brain from the past where people didn't want to do this. And who said it was a Terry or? Someone that just said, and then when you're around people that are vulnerable and honest, it's like, wow, wow, because not many people are. Yeah, I think that was Terry. And so I think there's this part of me that's still in shock and awe. The universe, God led me to this app, started out as wisdom and is now new vibe. With so many seekers, so many open-hearted people, so many vulnerable people willing to share. How many of us have got up on stage and cried? You guys have have heard me sob through talks before. I try to hold it together as best I can because I'm facilitating a live audio, you know. But I allow it to be because it's my true emotion at that time. And that vulnerability begets vulnerability, which also begets trust, which also begets connection. So when we are vulnerable, when we are honest with who we are, what we're feeling, what we're thinking, what we're going through, our fears, people relate. Yes, you might have a jerk in your life. That's not the person that you're honest with that you're vulnerable with. They're not gonna be able to hold you. But for the majority, people are at our connected, they understand. And when we share, I'm so afraid right now, I got an interview tomorrow. People might be like, oh, I totally get it. I've I've done the same thing. You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be great. Or we're like, oh, I'm going out on a first date. This is weird. Oh my gosh. People relate. Or I'm so sad, or I'm grieving, or I'm hurting, or I need to share something that's really hard for me to get out of my mouth, but I want to share it because I know it's gonna help this relationship. Or duck on it. I just want to tell you the way I feel, the how much I love you. Whatever the vulnerability looks like, or you know what? I like anime. That's not me. I'm not an anime fan, but all my kids are. And at first, when anime started to take root, the people were kind of high. A lot of people were closet anime watchers. Every time someone tells me they watch anime now, I'm like, oh yeah, my kids, this, that, and I start naming off shows, and they look at me with their eyes wide, like they're so excited. Because at some point, anime was regarded as, I don't know, nerdy or whatever judgment. I didn't have a judgment on it, so I I can't make one up, but I know that people felt judged for it. So they want to share it. But when you start talking about your thing and sharing your stuff and being honest with your emotions, and at least honest with you, start with you. I won't get into all the how-tos because uh we did not get to that portion in this talk. So I will save that for part two of how to practice vulnerability and build that emotional muscle. Because there is a way and it will serve you and serve your life in the most brilliant, glorious, and beautiful way possible. It's taking a dip, it's taking a risk, it's finding some courage, it's doing the thing that you've never done. But only if you want an improved experience. If you don't, if you're happy, feeling uncomfortable with this zone that you're in, even though there might be really good reason and really good cause to be vulnerable, no one's telling you what to do. You get to be in charge of your life. But if you notice, hmm, this is resonating with me. This is speaking to me, there's something about this, then stay tuned for part two. I may jump in this weekend, it might be on Monday, depends what my schedule is, but I am gonna be having a part two, so if this that's gonna interest you, if you haven't followed me, yeah, give me a follow and turn on your notifications for the app itself and also I think within the app. Is there notifications within the app? There might be a setting within the app. I have all my notifications on with Noom Vibe. I don't have any sounds attached to it, but I have all my notifications that come up because I want to see when things are happening or when people are going on, because some people go on randomly, like Daryl with the dashes. He doesn't have a set time, so I want to be notified. So turn on your notifications. I come on this weekend, it'll be randomly. If not, if I do wait until Monday, it will be 9 45 Pacific time, 11 or 1245. Wait, what is the time now? Two hours everyone. 11 45 Eastern time right now during daylight savings time. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for making this such a beautiful and robust talk. And I hope to see you again on the next one. Much love, everybody.