8 ROCK SOLID Tips to Resolve Conflict & Create Harmony

Tired of the same arguments that never seem to end? Conflict can drain your energy, damage trust, and create distance in even the closest relationships. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. With the right tools, conflict can actually become the doorway to deeper understanding and lasting harmony.
In this video, I’ll share 8 rock-solid tips that will help you break the cycle of tension, communicate more effectively, and create genuine peace in your relationships. You don't want to miss this episode!

For FREE Resources, Book Link, KB's Self-Love Merch shop, 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.lintr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Transcript

Kristen: 0:01

Good day, everyone. Welcome to Empower Hour with KB. My name is Kristen Brown, and I am a personal development and self-healing author, speaker, healer, and coach who specializes in helping individuals reclaim their true worth and personal power so they can live and enjoy and experience the life and relationships of their dreams. Today I have a topic for you that I just love. I know I say that all the time, but I just love this. Conflict resolution to me is something that's so incredibly important for our relationships. And many of us are doing it in an ineffective and sometimes even harmful way. And yet we don't understand why this keeps happening over and over again. We just want to see some change. And I'm going to be sharing eight helpful tips today to resolve issues and create harmony in your relationships. These are all things that I've learned myself as well. They're things that I have taught to my family members who are the closest to us. Sometimes they were hit with resistance. Sometimes they said, Yeah, okay, I understand. And nothing was solved in a day because we have a set of programmed behaviors about how we think, how we act, how we show up. We have hidden wounds that can come out in ways that are aggressive or defensive. And so this is about really wanting harmony. This is about, first and foremost, above everything, is sitting in the idea that I want to have peaceful, peaceful relationships with my people. I want to create a harmonic environment for everyone. And peace is one of my highest values. I seek to have peace every single day. I do what it takes for myself to stay regulated in a peaceful mode. And I do my very best to bring my best self and my best communication skills to those that are closest to me, which is typically my family members. Now, of course, I do the same with, you know, the next tier out, my friends and close relationships. However, it doesn't seem like those conflict really arises in that next tier out. But sometimes it does arise in my closest relationship, which is my family members, meaning my children and husband and things like that. So if you relate to that, then this is the talk for you. And also an opportunity for you to go within and to say, okay, we're not weird. My family's not completely dysfunctional. We're not tipping the scales of horrible, because we all have this. Conflict is part of life. It's part of relationshipping. It's part of being in a community. Of course, it's going to arise, whether it's you experiencing a conflict or something that's going on inside of you that you need to share with someone else, or vice versa. So I have constructed a list of eight tips. And there could be more. These are just what came off the top of my head. And if there are more, I would love for you to come up and to share what your tips are or things that you have learned and how you manage certain personalities in your household or in your friendships or even in your workplace, and how you approach these situations. The one thing I have found is that the more that I have healed, changed, grown, morphed, evolved, shifted myself, the better those relationships became. Because not only was I bringing healthier content in the way that I was managing my feelings or their feelings, but also they learned how to do it because it feels better. So even if you're the only one that is practicing these tips, please know that we we tend to pick up the behaviors of those around us. There's that saying that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. There's a lot of truth in that. So just consider this: your change could be the very change that your family members need, or your friendships, or your groups, or your community. It could be your change. You could be a demonstration of what it looks like to communicate effectively and to create harmony when there is conflict. For those of you who are new here, please know that the queue is open. It is available for you to come up and share. We love to hear what you have to say. I mean that. I'm only one person in one train of thought and one set of experiences, but you could have something different that somebody else needs to hear. And if one person benefits from what you have to say, isn't that amazing? When I wrote my first book, when I wrote my first blog, when all I started to do any of these things in the world, I remember being so scared. And I just condensed it all down to the idea that if this helps one person, there's one person who understands this or resonates with this or has a light bulb moment with this, then I'm gonna feel good. I'm gonna feel satisfied. And I still have that idea to this day. So please consider that when coming up. You know, there just might be someone out there that really could benefit from what you have to say. And so we're gonna pop in, Monica. Monica, welcome. Thank you for joining. Hello. Hello there.

Monica: 6:18

I love your new profile picture. Thanks. I changed it back when we were doing like the high school pics. That's my senior photo. You look so familiar.

Kristen: 6:29

Did are you in Arizona? Nope. I live in Washington State. Love Washington State.

Monica: 6:35

So what do you have to share with us today, Monica? Um, just you know, going on um resolving issues. I work um at a dual diagnosis facility for drug treatment. And um one of the things that, you know, we talk about patient, you know, with patients is uh, you know, when they're talking with their families and stuff, um, talk about I statements when they're having those difficult conversations um with their families and you know, doing the amends, doing the I statements, like I feel, I see, I want, I think, doing all of it's the I, I, I, I. Um, and not you, you, you, you. You made me feel this way. You did this to me. Always I felt, I I seen this, I wanted this, those kind of things. And um because I felt this way because this happened. I seen this transpire because this correlated to this reaction caused by whatever, and um not causing, um, not always placame on others, but just making sure just making sure that you're taking accountability for your past in it, and that's that's sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but just making sure that you're you're being accountable. It's a big part that you play, because it's it's a two-way street. So if you're always silent about what's going on, the other person is not a mind reader. So they can't tell. I mean, they can because they're gonna see your reaction, but if you're not vocalizing how you're feeling about the situation and you're being quiet and you're stuffing it down because you're using drugs or alcohol to cope, then they're not gonna, they're just gonna keep playing the game. That's true. Keep doing the things that they're doing to you because you're not vocalizing and saying, hey, that you're I'm feeling this way because this is how you're treating me. So and until you put your foot down and say, I will not tolerate this type of treatment because I deserve more, or I don't deserve to be treated this way, or I, you know, the I statements again, you know, or this is the boundary I'm going to set in order for me to feel peace in my in my life, or feel peace in in my home, then that's the thing you have to create the boundaries. That's the other thing of you know, having some resolution is making boundaries and then sticking to the boundaries. That's 100%, is it's kind of like working with kids. This this is the consequence, and when you make that consequence, when they break the rule, you have to stand by it. Don't tell them that they're not going to have a consequence and then not be the one to do it. Because then they're gonna continue to break the rule, because then they'll know, oh, mom's not gonna do anything about it.

Kristen: 9:56

Right?

Monica: 9:57

So that's my take on it.

Kristen: 9:59

Monica, everything you said is so powerful and huge, and I love I love the the recovery community. I have to say that I've never been in it, but I have a lot of friends who've been in it. Not a lot, but a few friends that have been in it. I think the 12 steps are brilliant. I also love that the 12 steps are all about tools because so many of us were programmed or conditioned into a way that is not serving us. So everything that you shared was amazing, Monica. Thank you so much for coming up and sharing that. Oh, you're welcome. Thanks for having me on. You're welcome, of course. Monica, everybody, uh, love her. Yeah, very, very purposeful. And like I said, I don't always list everything. And that was one that I didn't have on my list, although I have spoken about it before on here. Huge, very, very powerful because we often do want to say, you did this, you you made me feel. That's a big one. So when we can turn this into first person and say, I felt hurt when you didn't come to my graduation. You made me feel like blank because you didn't come to my graduation. Saying, I feel hurt when you didn't come to the graduation is a way different context. It's a way different energy. It's talking about how they felt and it's holding it within yourself that allows the other person then to not be defensive. They may anyway, depends who they are, but to say, oh wow, okay, I didn't, I didn't really know that that was such a big deal for you. Or what have you. I can't go into all the ins and outs of it. But those I statements are huge and they can be somewhat difficult to manage sometimes in the beginning when we're so so used to saying you, you, you, you. This is going to be about practice. This is gonna be about taking your time and thinking about things before you have the conversations with the person. This is what this is all about. It's also about keeping you in the driver's seat of your life, talking about I feel, I think, I want, I would like to experience, I need. Those types of things are keeping you within your agency, whereas when we keep outsourcing to other people, you made me feel like this, you won't do this, you blah, blah, blah. What we're doing is we're making, we're giving the other people all the power. So this is pulling all that energy back to yourself. Huge, huge, huge, huge. Thank you, Monica. All right, so let's jump in. And of course, the queue is empty, and I will pause at any time. You know, once I finish a thought, a complete thought, I will bring you up. I would love, love, love to hear from you. I know the community would too. Tons of claps were going up while while Monica was speaking. So please know that your voice is welcomed here. And especially on, I know all stages. I think I can speak for all the speakers here when I say that. But for sure on my stage, you are so welcome. I would love to hear what you have to say, and we would love to hear what you have to say. All right, so the ones that I'm gonna share today are not in any particular order, but I am going to piggyback on what Monica said, which was my number eight. I'm gonna make it number one. And that is to take responsibility for your part of the equation and all of the things that Monica said, but also being willing to own your peace. There is so much power, personal power. There is so much what's the word I wouldn't look for? Exhale for your people. There is so much validation, there is so much understanding, there is so much quote unquote, I care about you when we take responsibility. This is so big, it makes me feel emotional. That's how much this resonates with me, how much it has changed my life and my family members' lives, is when we all raise our hand and say, My bad. I get it. I see what you're saying. And I'm gonna be honest and say that the faster we take responsibility, the faster the conflict is going to end. Because that is basically what we're looking for when we're bringing up the issue. We're looking for the person to say, I see what I've done, I see how it hurt you, how it affected you, I'm taking responsibility. And here's the most important part, you all. We start to implement change in that area. Because I'm sorry with no change breaks trust. Not only was the trust a little bit fractured when the thing happened, but now it will break trust even further. It digs the hole even deeper. So I've I've been in relationships, romantic relationships, where all I heard was I'm sorry. I had a stack of 80,000 plus I'm sorries with no change from that person. That was extremely difficult because I believed them. Because I'm a person who, when I own my stuff, I make change. I will do my best to make that change. It's now top of mind. It's in my prefrontal cortex. I'm aware of it, I'm conscious about it. And I don't want to hurt this person or have them have this experience of me that is not pleasant. So I, so I trusted that when those other people said that to me, I'm sorry. I thought, okay, they get it. And then the same thing happened again 80,000 times. It got to the point, those relationships eventually ended, to be honest with you, because I there was not going to be any change. This was never going to change. And these were legit things that I brought up. This wasn't, you don't bring me flowers. This was please stop blaming me for everything to your friends. Take responsibility to your friends because now your friends are starting to not like me and I'm not doing the things that you're saying. That particular partner literally would blame me for stuff he didn't want to do because he didn't have the cojones to say it himself. So he'd say, Kristen doesn't want me to. And once I started to feel a change in his friends, which all liked me, I was like, What's going on here? I said, Well, what did you say about this? He goes, Oh, I just told him that you didn't want me to. I said, But that's not true. I told you you could. Now they think I'm the bad guy. I said, please fix that. That was never fixed. That's just one example. So that's that was along the lines of this person not taking responsibility, but also disrespecting and dishonoring who I am. So these are the type of things that can happen. So I'm sorry, holds zero weight without change on the backside. And sometimes that change takes a minute. And hopefully you have people in your environment who understand this, who know that, you know, and even if you backpedal and you do the thing again, catch it quickly. Did you hear my snap? Catch it quickly. Say, oh, I just did it again. I'm working on this. I'm sorry, I got you. This is programmed into me. This is my knee-jerk response to this thing. I'm going to undo this. So sometimes it takes some times, but I'm telling you, when we love somebody, truly love somebody, we're willing to let them figure it out. It's when they don't try to figure it out that the problems happen because we're sitting here with the same thing over and over and over again. It's very painful. It's very, very difficult for our loved ones. So keep in mind, taking responsibility is rooted in capital L love. It is one of the kindest, most compassionate, most respectful, most honoring, most bowing down in love to your other person that you can do. Steven, thank you. Welcome.

Steven: 18:16

Hey, I wanted to get in before you got too far away from that situation.

Kristen: 18:21

That's cool.

Steven: 18:24

He's basically lying about what you are, you know, to his friends. And then his friends start turning against you in the disappointment. Wait a minute. What did he tell you? I need to know. Oh, he told me that it told me that you you kept him from doing it. Now, what do we do? I don't know. Like, no, I didn't do that. I need you to make sure I need to make sure that you understand that. Although it probably is not all that important for them to understand or for me to make them understand, is it?

Kristen: 19:14

I'm gonna jump right in there, Steven, because I did that. I said, hey, because they came up to me about one particular event, and I said, No, I didn't say that. I told him he can go. You know what they said? Sure you did. You're controlling. They didn't believe me.

Steven: 19:30

Oh okay, we're gonna go.

Kristen: 19:37

And this isn't this is in my 20s, and these were his homies. He's still friends with these men to this day. But this was in our 20s, and I was very much a people pleaser and very back down with that type of thing. So I just kind of you know faded into the background. I didn't like these days, it would be an entirely different experience. I'd probably make the room uncomfortable because I would. Sit in that conversation, I'd pull the person in and say, Is this true? You know, I I've done those types because I I'm not that doormat anymore. But then again, think what you want to think. So I get what you're saying, both sides of your coin, Steven.

Steven: 20:15

Yeah, because it it's kind of one of those places where do I need to be right or do I want to be happy? Type of situation. And it's better to be happy than it is to be right if the argument's never gonna get resolved. And I've had to learn that the hard way.

Kristen: 20:38

Right. We you know, it's still what Stephen I is saying, and I'm gonna interpret in my words, is that are we gonna choose peace? Because yeah, at the end of the day, I can't control I this is long gone, but I couldn't control that. But I didn't, I don't think I chose peace at that moment. I think it was more about dang, they don't like me. You know, and it it it kind of faded and went away, but it was still within me. It was it was it was a rough place to be.

Steven: 21:11

Yeah, and that kind of comes to the uh uh points that I've had with other folks. It's um okay. Uh yeah, I'm sure you did. All right. That's your perception. And you can have that perception. I can't change it. But it's not true. And so we're I'm just gonna rock on assuming that I'm that I still have the proper perception, and you do not.

Kristen: 21:45

That's a beautiful thing.

Steven: 21:47

Yeah, I've I've had to get into it with people and were on and on and no, it's this way, it's this way, okay. That's your perception. I'm not arguing with you because I can't change your mind. But I still don't believe what you say, because this is my perception, and I know this is a lived experience in the background of my perception. So good luck.

Kristen: 22:14

Consider that your friend might have lied to you. Consider that your friend might have lied to you.

Steven: 22:22

Yeah, that's about as kind as you can be. Thanks for unpacking that. That that was helpful.

Kristen: 22:31

Yes, you're always welcome up, Stephen. Thank you so much for coming.

Steven: 22:36

You two. I'll see if I can do the leave thing here and drop down. Or you can do it.

Kristen: 22:42

Let me do it for you. You're driving, I'll do it for you. Okay. My dear Stephen is uh a um trucker, he's a long-distance uh truck driver. So he joins us hands free, everybody. Just so you know, he joins us hand-free. He's such a powerful contribution, and you all are. There's everybody in the queue so far. We've got three who have lined up in the queue. And everybody who comes up here just I just honor you so much, I respect you, and I love what you have to say because you're having your own experience, and it's really important that you talk about your own experience, but also share what you've learned from that experience or what you're going through and get the support that you need. And right now we got Miss Sarah.

Sarah: 23:28

Sarah, welcome. Hey, I've been trying to decide if I should like wait till I hear all of your tips or just ask. And I figured I'd just ask now because maybe you can point out which tips work as you go through them. So I I was in an effort to resolve an issue. I I'm like a nomad and a pet sitter, and I settled in a month ago, yesterday, to a living arrangement. So in an in-law suite, and I settled there because I'm having ankle surgery in a month, and I wanted to have like a like a safe, solid space to recover. It's about six months recovery for this particular procedure. And so, like when I decided on the place and my landlord, we had all these things and things that I just assumed were general. Well, now that I'm in the space, like I'm not allowed to use the refrigerator. I have to use the refrigerator that's outside in the shed through the grass. Um, and inside that room, there's like a dead animal, so it smells like a dead animal. And I have like autism, sensory disorder, like issues. And I'm just like, it's so it's throwing off my eating behaviors. I'm like realizing this now because I'm back for about a month until my surgery, um, out and about with my dogs, and I'm at a dog's house, so like I'm in a safe space, and I'm like, whoa, I've been spinning out because I don't know how to plan and prep my meals now, because I'm running in and out of the house, and then like my entrance is in the grass, and she has dogs and they poop in the yard, and she doesn't pick it up. So, like at night when there's no lights, that's like a huge thing, and you're trudging through landmines, yeah, and then it's grass, and I love the grass, but in the morning when I'm running out, it gets me like my pants and my feet wet, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I didn't like really plan ahead for this, and then there's just little like subtle things, and I'm so I'm like, okay, I'm going to invest in a refrigerator. That wasn't on the plan, it wasn't, but it's like a way that I can create some peace for myself. But I'm just I'm just, I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to resolve it before my surgery happens. Like right now, my friend wants to come stay with me after my surgery for a couple of days. Okay. And she's my landlord's like, oh, you're putting too much into this. It's just an ankle surgery. Like, I've been delivering. Oh my gosh, no, it's not since 19. It's such a big deal. Like, I didn't think this is the first time I heard it. And here I am, like, what is this, like five, almost six years later, still dealing with it? Like, I want my friend to help me with this. I don't think it was hard enough for me to ask for help. I want to resolve this before the surgery happens. And I I'm I'm gonna be listening, but I'm just hoping you can point out some of your Sarah.

Kristen: 26:44

Let me ask you a question. You keep saying I want to resolve this. Can you be more clear about what this is?

Sarah: 26:50

Um, I'm nervous about like the refrigerator. I didn't plan to invest in a refrigerator, and I'm going to. I guess it's like the grass, the the no light at night, the the the like poop, which I do dogs. I don't mind the poop. I don't like I don't mind dogs. I just don't want to like I don't want to track it in the house. I need my space to be like peaceful and calm, a place of recovery. I like I don't have a lock on my door. I I don't I don't think I know where to begin. Okay, so are you in the house with your landlord? Yes, it's her in-law suite. She built it for her parents. Okay. And yeah, they're in assisted living now. So it's like there's two rooms I have and my own bathroom, but the room is like a foyer. So she uses that to let her dogs out. It opens up to her outside porch area.

Kristen: 27:52

Can the new refrigerator fit in the in-law suite? Because typically they're just the regular plug. Can you get them?

Sarah: 28:00

It's gonna have to be in the foyer space. Um, I have an eating disorder and food in my room is not healthy for me.

Kristen: 28:07

Gotcha. Okay. So you sounds like you are taking steps, if I'm hearing you correctly, because the other refrigerators out in the shed with the landmines and the stinky dead animal, come back, Sarah, just so we can be clear. And um, if you don't mind, pop back up again. And I'll, yeah, just so we can finish this train of thought. If anybody else has any ideas on the back channel, please click in. I'm just trying to get clear on her story. So she's having this procedure, it's her ankle, which number one, mobility. Yeah, hello, wait, huge mobility problem. Four weeks, no weight. Yes, I understand. I was six weeks non-weight bearing.

Sarah: 28:45

Um it looked perfect when I thought, like, okay, shared space is the kitchen. And like I thought I was going to be allowed to use the fridge. I thought that was really weird because she has a fridge in the kitchen. But like now, like I'm not even allowed to eat in the kitchen. One of her sons who doesn't actually live there had a problem with me being in the kitchen prepping my breakfast once, and he doesn't even live there. But so I'm like, all right, uh, I will set up the side room as my kitchenet. I set it up as a kitchenet. I've got my toaster, I got my like kettle in there. Um, she removed her chairs from there, so there's no chairs in there.

Kristen: 29:26

I mean, Sarah, I think I'm getting a clearer picture. Let me jump in real quick so we don't run out of time. Sure. It sounds like to me that you are set up, but maybe the nerves is coming from the recovery and the lack of mobility. Is that does that sound accurate? I think that's what it is. Oh, sister, I know you're scared.

Sarah: 29:50

Yeah, and I'm scared because last time, last time, like it wasn't good, and I didn't recover, and like it was right before COVID. It was just a lot, I didn't have help. And I'm still here, like, not able to move forward with my life, and I'm so scared this is gonna happen again, and then like just she keeps putting these weird little stipulations in play that are like unnatural.

Kristen: 30:19

Like, okay, let's reframe this. Let's reframe this. So, you're not allowed in the kitchen. So, what? Your refrigerator, your kitchenette, your kettle, all your things are gonna be closer to you. Isn't that more helpful for recovery rather than trekking all the way to the kitchen?

Sarah: 30:38

Yes, I guess I just need to hustle and buy a refrigerator.

Kristen: 30:43

And who and who did this? You. You're already setting yourself up, Sarah. You're taking care of yourself. So I know you're afraid, I would be too. I get it. You have a friend for a couple days, and that's kind of it. The mobility is an issue. Maybe there's another friend who can come stay with you for a couple more days. Well, maybe you can work out some more care somehow, some way. Um, but it sounds like to me that you are taking the necessary steps. But what I think you really need, Sarah, is a really big group Noom Vibe hug, and you guys send up the love and claps for her. We're gonna give you a really big noom vibe hug that we got you. You can text us, you can message us, you can come up on these stages. We will hold you energetically through this. Look at the screen. Look at the screen. All right, we're gonna hold you through this because I know this is scary for you. My eyes are tearing up because I'm feeling you energetically, but you got this, Sarah. You got this, and I'm the energy I'm getting from this, to be honest with you, is power. And I'm getting clarity, and I'm also getting that this is gonna be the last surgery.

Sarah: 31:51

Thank you.

Kristen: 31:52

You're so welcome. We love you. Thanks. We got you, boo. We got you. Reach out to any one of us. You see the love, it hasn't stopped. Okay, that's what Noon Vibe's all about. And we understand.

Sarah: 32:08

Yeah, thanks.

Kristen: 32:10

Remember, Sarah, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've been through some ish and you're still here and you're doing amazing. And I love that you are advocating for yourself. You're like, well, okay, I wasn't planning on a refrigerator, but I'm gonna make this happen. Good for you. Good for you. You if you get if you go nomad again afterwards with your pet sitting, sell the refrigerator. See what I'm saying? You got this, or put it in the storage or whatever. You got this. You are resourceful, you are like a rubber ball, you keep bouncing back. You are strong. You are strong. Trust yourself. You are doing the things, okay? All right. I do have a couple back channel messages. I'm gonna read. I'm gonna go back to what we're talking about the 12 steps with recovery, and I was saying how I just admire the recovery community and the 12 steps. And Jeanette said, 12 steps, Colonel. When we are wrong, we promptly in all caps, admit it. Yes. Promptly. Amani, this is for you, Sarah. Amani said, sending prayers, hugs, and love to Sarah. All right, we're on you, girl. We're gonna hold you in the highest energy and vibe of healing. Let us know when your surgery is, maybe pop on here before it happens so we can have an idea of when it's happening, so we can hold you, the doctors, the nurses, even your landlord and your friend, everybody in the highest energy of love, so that you get the best vibes while you're going through this. Oh, yeah, VA said you can look on Facebook Marketplace for a refrigerator. Great idea. Thank you, VA. Facebook Marketplace is amazing. Oh my gosh, you can get the most amazing things on Facebook Marketplace. All right, I have a feeling this is gonna go into a part two, so I'm just gonna say that right from the front. This is gonna go into a part two because I've only listed one thing. So we're gonna keep this slow and easy. We're gonna keep bringing people up because this conversation is so uh imperative and so helpful. And I want to be sure that we hear from all of you. So just know this will go into a part two. Right now, we're gonna hear from Miss Julie. Hey Julie.

Julie: 34:31

What a lovely space. I know. Helpful, encouraging space. This is I've been listening to Sarah, and um, I would say, you know, she is she is figuring it out, but even from the space that she's in right now, she's still figuring it out. She knows she needs a fridge. The thing is with Sarah, what I was picking up from her was her worry about having the fridge close. But the thing is, Sarah, have you thought that if you are non-weight bearing, it's gonna be quite difficult to get to that fridge. Whether it's in the hallway or in your space, every time you look at it, you can reframe how you feel about it. So you could have the fridge in your space, and every time that you get up to go towards it, you can say to yourself, Do I need to do that right now? Do I need to do that? Or am I gonna continue resting up this ankle? It's gonna need the rest, it's gonna need uh your love and attention, it's gonna need your love and attention more than the contents of the fridge. And believe me, I think it will have your attention more than the uh contents of a fridge. So bear that in mind when you're thinking about where you're gonna put it because I think you're already there, I think you already have this plan and information. You've got information, you know why you want to do a thing, you know how you want to do a thing, and you're going to put that into action one way or another because you're a clever being, you're a planner, you're a problem solver, and you have done that right the way up to now. So, you know, allow yourself a little bit of kindness and think of yourself this way. I can choose. This is the whole thing about like resolving issues and creating harmony. You choose, you choose your battles, you choose your plan of action, you choose um your information that you gather, and you choose your approach, the way that you feel about these things. So, yeah, I think you got this, Sarah. I really got it.

Kristen: 37:11

I'm feeling just like my heart is really open. Like, I feel she's got this more than she thinks she does.

Julie: 37:18

I do, and I think also I'd love her, like you said, Kristen, to get in contact with any one of us all the way through this process. Yes, before she goes, and just feel free to express how she's feeling about things. It's you know, I think it's it's wonderful to say, yeah, I'm a little bit anxious about this, I'm a bit frightened, and I am gonna look for support. And just doing that is a huge thing, saying that, yeah, I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna look in the right places for that support. I'm gonna take my attention away from the cannots and the problems or the problematic, and I'm gonna start looking at the solvers, the people that support me, and looking and asking for that support. That's how you resolve things, I think. So, yeah, she's got it. She's definitely got it. I'd love to to uh follow her on her journey and to offer a kind of like a hug, a seriousness.

Kristen: 38:23

Sarah Julie is in a tremendous space holder. I know she's done it for many people on here, so take her up on that. Take her up on it.

Julie: 38:32

Me and Sarah, we we're like that. Yes, and I would actually come on here for her at any point. If she sent me a message and say, can you hold a stage? I would do that for her. I would do that. Awesome, yeah. So, you know, I'm kind of stepping back from doing holding spaces, as you know, but I would do it if I felt it had a real kind of purpose to it for someone else. I'd love to do that, but yeah, I think it's almost allowance for things to be as they are, and then looking into yourself and realizing your skill sets, what you can do, and your your your planning, your your approach to solving things, solving little niggles or ideas, and where you train your thoughts. I think she's got this, and I think you've got this for sure, Kristen.

Kristen: 39:25

Thank you so much. Thank you, Julie. I appreciate you, all right. We're gonna go to the next one, which is listen to understand, not to reply. So when we are listening from a place that is only to form our comeback, we're going to miss the heart of what actually is being said. I've been guilty of this many, many, many times. I'm sure you have too. This is just kind of the way we do. It's humans doing human things until we decide that we want to have a different experience or give our person a different experience. So So, this is about giving the other person our full 100% attention. It's about absorbing the words and showing them that you truly value what they're saying. So it's listening to understand. Again, getting out of the defensiveness, getting out of the need to prove them wrong, sitting in it. Which leads me to my next point, which is to reflect back to them what they're saying. These two things go hand in hand. Reflect back to them what they're saying. Say things like, so what I'm hearing you say is, and then you reflect it back to them. Number one, that says, I care about you, I respect you, I love you. That's the energy it's giving, but it's also giving them an opportunity to clarify. Because my husband and I, sometimes we talk two different languages. And he's often some mindset, and I have no idea what he's talking about. And I'm like, okay, so if I am I hearing you correctly, if I'm hearing you correctly, this is what you're saying. Sometimes he says, Well, yeah, that's it. And sometimes he says, Well, no, not really. And so that's where we get to the heart of it. But, you know, once again, I'm gonna resort back to the love word. I love these people. So I'm gonna try to be the best possible communicator that I can and to show up in a way that makes them feel loved by me. So think about that with all of these things that we're showing, even if you're dealing with somebody who's difficult, do you love them? And do you want to be a demonstration of love to them? I definitely want to be a demonstration of love to my people. You know, it it's it there's a growing, there's a learning curve here. So give yourself beans. Now she's playing with paper. Uh, give yourself the grace uh to learn, to practice, and to keep doing, keep trying the thing over and over and over again. Because when we reflect back what we hear from them, it reassures them that you're listening and it helps to clarify misunderstandings and it shows a true, genuine care for their experience, their thoughts, their feelings, and their well-being. We're bringing up Christy. Thanks for waiting, Christy, while I unpack that. Thank you for coming.

Kristi: 42:23

Hello, how are you?

Kristen: 42:26

Hello, great, thank you.

Kristi: 42:28

Okay, so I'm trying to multitask, and sometimes I do really well with multitasking, and sometimes I miss a lot. So I'm going to try to catch up. I just wanted to give a little input on because I want my visit, because they're very limited, I want my visit to be positive, but I also need to inform people that I've been there and done them in serum. I had um, I was a teacher in Michigan and I had I tore my ACL and I actually had a bump around the classroom when in a wheelchair, and I also had elbow surgery, so my left arm didn't work, and my left leg didn't work, and you get you get to where you just make it work. So please don't sweat the small stuff, get take care of you, and it will all work out. But sometimes when we worry about things ahead of time, it makes the situation a lot worse and it may not even happen. So that was that was just something I wanted to say on that. I've had tons of injuries, and you you just you'd make it work. So, and we're we're pulling for you, girl. Yeah, but also I just wanted to talk a little bit too about I was such a people pleaser that and I didn't have that solid foundation when I was in those relationships, and I just felt so lost and small when I was criticized for trying to question things or talk up through things, and I it got to the point where I would just give up and just give in and be the cool girl and say, Well, I'm just gonna let them have their way because it's going to be easier. Otherwise, I was too worried about what I would look like in my boyfriend's and his friends' eyes.

Kristen: 44:04

Yeah.

Kristi: 44:05

And it it just it makes such a yucky pit in my tummy to refer to all of that back in the past. And I'll tell you what though, Kristen, um, I know that there's gonna be a new man in my life, and I will not have that ever happen to me again, and it will be me being able to be heard and respected, and of course, I'm going to be open to his suggestions, but but and of course I'm gonna lean on you when I start dating that one right guy. We're gonna start working together again, and we're going to find that perfect person that is going to be open to my suggestions because that that girl always wanting to just be loved and be accepted and be the nice girl. That that's I can still be that, but I also have to be where I put myself first and put love for me first and not worry about what everybody else is going to think about.

Kristen: 45:05

So oh my gosh, so many things, so many things, Christy. The first thing is I love your conviction. I know I'm going to have a new man in my life. Do you guys hear her conviction? That wasn't always the case. Okay. That wasn't always the case with Christy.

Kristi: 45:22

No, no, no, my girl.

Kristen: 45:24

And I can feel the energy of that. So I'm really proud of you for that, Christy. The second thing is, you know, always the coach, when you felt the cringe in your tummy when you're reflecting back to that, what's the one thing that I tell you to do when you feel that? That ooh, let it feel it, but then release it. And right? And forgive yourself for that. Yeah. Give yourself grace. Yeah. Things are layered sometimes. Like she just reflected back to it, and she, for that moment, this is for all of you to hear too. This is self-love, this is healing. She just for that moment, she went, ooh, I felt that cringe of that. Boom, immediate grace and forgiveness of self for being where you were at the time. And each time we do that, it heals that space.

Kristi: 46:14

Yes, and give me grace because I didn't know any better. I did, I did the best I could with the information I had, and I wanted to please everyone. And that unfortunately, that put me on the back burner, and that's that's not how I it's a gig is not going to be that way this anymore. So, and it feels so good, and it's it's just such a weight off, too. It just feels like such a release. So, yes, but I wanted to keep it as positive as I could because that's that's where we are now, and and that's I want to give everyone grace and and know that uh we've been there, I've been there, Kristen's been there, we've shared so many things with each other, and it just feels so good to be able to have somebody to listen and actively listen and be like, hey, it's okay, it's it's going to be okay, you're going to get through this.

Kristen: 47:04

So powerful, Christy. And you're right, it does. It feels really good to love oneself. And I will tell you that you sound so grounded. Really, really proud of you. She sounds so grounded. Okay, we do have a couple of messages in the back channel. Oh, okay. Dinga said that you can also find refrigerators by, she said local social worker slash town hall. Local churches sometimes have borrowed items to be returned. Really? Used and returned. What? That's amazing. Local churches sometimes have borrowed items to be returned. Okay, look at the resources coming in. All right, the queue is empty, but I am going to continue on with this conversation. We've listed now three things that are helpful tips to resolve issues and create harmony. The first one was take your responsibility for your part. The second one was listen to understand, not just to reply. And the third one was to reflect back what you hear from them. Now, those are in, I talked about eight, then one, then seven. Okay. When I make my notes, I just write them down. I don't put them in any particular order because I feel them from my heart and through inspiration. So these are not in any particular order. It's just pick up what sounds good to you, what is what resonates with you. The next one, one of my favorites, is to put your ego, pride, and stubbornness aside. Clinging to being right can block resolution and can block harmony. I have been in some conversations, some arguments with some people that no matter I could spin it seven ways from Sunday in this beautiful tapestry with calligraphy and rainbows, and they still would not take responsibility because they just wanted to be right. And then they would spin it in this very confusing, complex, convoluted, muddy way trying to get me to be wrong. This was a cluster. Let me tell you, it was so difficult because I'm aiming for truth and clarity and fact, and they're out here trying to deflect from that. So it made the whole thing so messy. Granted, these people at that time had not done any healing work. So they're still functioning from their ego, from their pride, from their stubbornness. They just so don't want to be wrong. So keep in mind that anytime we're coming from our ego, pride and stubbornness are derivatives of the ego. That was the word I was looking for the other day, was derivative, not denominator. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I was just editing a podcast yesterday and I was like, or one of these episodes, I was like, what word was I looking for? It was a derivative. Anyway, moving on. Oh, beans. Gosh, that was cute. She just ran across the floor, and you know my little gold bell that I have. She just was like putting her little paw on it. You know how cats do that? Oh god, that was cute. Sorry, you guys. She's distracting me. So guess what? Little Miss Thang, it's time because she loves to play with paper too. I love you. I'm gonna put her outside. Hi, bobeans. Go have fun. All right, sorry if that door was loud, you guys. I was holding the phone as I was opening the door. Okay, back to what we're saying. Putting your ego, pride, and stubbornness aside, all of those things are just derivatives of the ego, which are your lower self, that don't do anything for the highest good of all concerned. Ever, ever, ever. Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins? I think it is. I don't know. I don't know them well. I think it is, isn't it, you guys? But anyway, yeah, it does not work for us. Be willing to be wrong. There's so much strength in being wrong. There's so much strength in ownership. There's, man, when I see somebody own their stuff, they grow three feet taller. I just see them, like their shoulders are back. They grow taller. I think they grow wings, to be honest. It's like, oh, when someone goes, oh yeah, that was me, I did that, or it just they just they look like heroes in my eyes, to be honest with you. I see people like that. My lens of that is just, you are amazing. And the minute that I bring something to somebody and they take ownership and they don't deflect and they don't try to make me wrong, and sometimes they do it a little bit, but the when the minute they say I understand my bad, I drop it. I do. Unless it was an NTP, a narcissistic type person, very unhealed, emotionally immature person that I have had to talk to them about this for 8,000 times and I've gotten the empty I'm sorry. Then sometimes there's a more of a conversation to come after that, which is something akin to what's your plan to not do this again? Because they obviously have not had a plan and have done the same thing over and over and over again. But for those that are in the energy of taking responsibility, I just say thank you. There's no reason to exploit them, to blow it up, to make them even more wrong. It takes a lot of strength to own your bad. And sometimes people are doing it from a very, very fragile place. They want to start doing it, but if we exploit it, blow it up, make them feel bad about it, they may retreat back into their shell because it doesn't feel good. So when you look them in the eye, maybe even touch their shoulder, depending on your relationship, what the physical touch aspect is of your particular relationship, just do something that makes them know that you appreciate it. Use a very kind tone, say thank you. I really, really appreciate that. That's you not having to prove yourself right. That's you not being prideful. You see what I'm saying? You're out of ego at that moment. You're in your higher self, you're in your God self, you're in your capital L love self, and you just say thank you. I appreciate that. Especially if you know it's somebody that will make the changes. I do like there's I have family members that they're like, I'm sorry, my bad. And I will see the change almost like the next time or immediately. They they don't even have to say much more, and I know that the change is going to happen. So there's no reason for us to beat the crap out of somebody when they make ownership or say, see, I knew it, or I told you so. Oh, I told you so. Four of the most harmful words that we can say to an individual, they are not rooted in love. They are not. There's something that I do my very, very best not to ever say to somebody. There are times when I have, like if someone's really fighting with me about a statistic of some kind or something, and I'm like, see? You know, it depends on the person if there's someone that fights with me all the time or not. But for the most part, unless like I told you so. I also think this is just me, been there done that. Oh, do you remember when that was happening? Probably in the, when was that, early 2090s? Been there done that. How dismissive. I think it's meant to say, I understand. It just was very spoky to me. It was yucky to me when someone said, Ben there, done that. It's like what you're saying doesn't matter because they've already dealt with it, right? I don't, I don't think I've ever said that because I don't like the way it sounds. I don't like the way it feels. Peter doesn't either. Peter's sending up some claps. He's like, nah, me either. Okay, Rachel said, okay, good. The seven deadly sins are pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. Thank you, my beautiful assistant, and happy birthday still to you. It's still your birthday month. Okay, so yeah, put your pride, pride away. Just put it away. Put your stubbornness away. Stubbornness, the the true definition of stubbornness, although people use it differently, is well it's one of the definitions anyway. Depends on where you look, what dictionary. Is you see the truth. There is proof that your stance is incorrect and you're still choosing your stance. That's what stubbornness really means. It means, yep, I'm wrong, but I'm still gonna stand in this. I'm gonna be stubborn, I'm gonna hold this line no matter what. Boy, that hurts others, and that hurts you. There's no harmony in that, friends. There's no harmony in that. Now, there's also uh what's the word? I keep always forget the word. I coined another term. Um where you're just firm in your resolve. So some people use the term stubbornness as firm in your resolve about something. I don't like that, okay? It's like if you're if you are very firm in whatever it is for you, that doesn't necessarily mean you're stubborn because somebody might be really, really right about the thing and they go, well, I'm just stubborn. No, that's not stubborn. That's your right, and you know it, and you're not willing to move from that place. And as time goes on and plays out, see, you were right. You knew you were right. That's not stubborn. That is, gosh, what is the word that I'm trying to think of? I can never think of this word. When I was trying to, when I was in my own head coming up with different phrases for this. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You guys get what I'm saying. It's like when you know, you know, you know, you know. And you're not going to change your mind because you know, you know, you know, you know, you know. It's really just being very firm in your resolve. Stubbornness is you are proven wrong and you're still choosing to stand in that place. All right. Maybe this won't go into a part two because the well, it is 1045. Okay. The queue is empty. All right. The next one is to remember the goal isn't for you to win, it's for both people to win. Doesn't that feel good? It's a win-win for both parties. It's a win-win. So let's say you have an issue and you bring it to somebody and that person takes responsibility and they say, Yes, that's that's I I see I see my wrong. I'm going to correct that in the future. Who wins? Both people. You win because the behavior's not going to be done again, or they're going to work towards not doing it again. But the other person wins because they just up-leveled. That's a win-win for both people. And when we talk about compromise, what does that mean? It's like, oh, you know, let's do this in my area and then we'll do this in your area. That's a win-win. But when someone is digging their heels in and it's got to be their their way or the highway, no one's really winning. Because the person that thinks they're getting it their way, they're not growing. They're not growing, they're not expanding, they're not being love. Okay, they're being controlling. But if you say, okay, let's spend 50% of the time over here and your thing, 50% of the time over here, and my thing, both parties will win. You know, when I've had conflict resolution talks with people, at the end, even though they have maybe had to take ownership for their behavior, one of my questions is something to the re respect of do you, you know, do you feel better about this too? And you know what they say? Even if it was there wrong, they say yes. I feel much lighter. Because the soul knows, the soul wants to grow, the soul wants to expand, the soul wants to be of love. That's what how we're designed. We are love, you guys. We are love. So when that person owns, they're gonna feel lighter too, because they've just dropped weight out of their backpack. Isn't that beautiful? I think that's an amazing thing. So that's part of the win-win, too. The next one is to take turns. This is huge. Huge. Don't bring up your experience of them while they are sharing their experience of you. This is very simple. Whoever speaks first, whoever brings up the issue gets the stage. The end. I know it's uncomfortable. I know them bringing up this thing is now reminding you of the things that you haven't spoken about. I get it. But shut your mouth. Zip your lip, bite your tongue. It's not your turn. Resort to listening to understand, putting your ego aside, remembering what the goal is for both people to win, reflecting back what you hear. For them and taking responsibility from your part. Those are the ones I've listed thus far. You can say your piece and your person, the more willing you are to listen to them, the more willing they're going to be to listen to you. And I've had this situation more times than I can tell you with a particular person in my life where I'm sharing my experience and they're wanting to bring up theirs. I don't even get the sentence out, and they're bringing up theirs, and they're throwing their stuff on me. And I'm like, okay, I see that you might have some things that you need to talk about too. Let's address one issue at a time. Since I brought mine up first, and I learned this, this piece. This wasn't me wanting to go first. I learned this from teachers in the world. Whoever brings it up first holds the stage. So I brought up mine first, obviously, because this is bothering me more, maybe. So let's talk about mine, let's get through this, and then I'm more than happy to hear your thing. Oh my gosh. It didn't happen. Every single time to the relationship almost fractured. It almost did. And then it started to recover because the person started to learn some things. And they started to put down their ego. They started to take responsibility. They started to listen to understand. They started to do all these things and the relationship, whoop. It was like a zipper. It zipped right up. It mended right up. Because again, we're so, what's the word lookable? We tend to be and don't take this in the wrong context. When we love somebody, we tend to be able to be flexible. Sometimes relationships get to the part to the point where they just aren't fixable. You need to leave, or they need to leave. That just part of the gig. All right. But man, we can fix so much backstory by learning these tips and implementing these tips. We can heal a lot of backstory. Sometimes there has been a breach of trust, and it's pretty big. And it will take our consistency over and over and over and over again to bridge that breach, to connect the bridge again or the two, whatever it might be, however you want to word that metaphorically. Sometimes it's going to take some recovery, us continuing to do the thing until this person finally believes that this is the new normal. Keep that in mind. If there's been a breach of trust in the past for a long time, then it's going to take some time to recover that breach. All right. The next one is to take turns. This is, oh no, I just said that one. Dirt. The next one is to empathize. And that means understanding what the point is they're trying to make and how that feels to them. If they feel betrayed by you, whether or not you did, understand how betrayal feels. Betrayal feels terrible. To me, betrayal is probably one of the worst feelings. For me, I put it even above grief from a death. Betrayal to me is a choice. Someone makes a choice to do something crappy to you. And I've experienced much death and much betrayal, and the betrayal felt worth. Yes, the grief was terrible. Yes, the death, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But when someone chose to betray me, oh so think about that. They're feeling betrayed right now. That's got to feel terrible to them. Empathize with them. Say, I can see that you're feeling like I betrayed you right now. And that's a terrible feeling to feel. And I hate that you're feeling this. And operative words, I don't want you to feel this way. Write that down. I don't want you to feel this way. Saying that to somebody is so helpful because, again, it says capital L love. I value you, I appreciate you, I honor you, I respect you, I care about you, and you matter. That's what this does. So empathize, step into their shoes for a minute, feel what it might feel like to be in their shoes, even if they're not correct, even if what they think you did wasn't true at all, their perception is skewed, maybe they saw it through a lens, maybe they were projecting onto you. But right now, in this moment, this is how they feel. When you soothe them in that capacity, guess what happens? Their nervous system calms down, they get out of fight-flight. Well, you hope that they do, depends where they're at on their journey, and they're willing to hear the truth. So I've had people who have done this with me, and I sit and I listen to them. I had to practice this one because when I knew they were wrong, that was hard for me. They're wrong. That is not what happened. I immediately would launch into, oh my gosh, that's not correct or accurate. But this leads me to the next point, which is to slow down. And the last and final point, I guess we're not going into a part two. That is to slow it down. So when I slowed down, even though they were wrong, and I listened and I empathized, and I had eye contact, and I heard them, and I reflected back all the things that I've talked about, took responsibility for things that I needed to take responsibility for, to the point where they felt complete. This takes time, you guys. I remember sitting with my younger daughter one time for 45 minutes while she was crying, telling me all about me, none of it was true. I've told this story before, how my behaviors made her feel. And I just listened and listened and listened and said, Is there anything else? I'm here, I'm available. It takes time. Once she unpacked all that and she started giggling, she goes, No, I think that's it. I said, Okay. Are you willing to hear my side, my perspective? Yes. Because she was complete. And then I started to share my perspective. And all the things that she had seen me do was through a filter of feeling like she didn't matter. She was an abandoned child. She carries a wound of abandonment. Her father abandoned her for seven years, still not that great in her life. But she's got that wound of abandonment, and I had to understand that this is the wound she's coming from. And here's what it was one of the things. She worked, she started working, and my husband and I would go to dinner while she was at work. And she took that as we didn't care about her. I said, Well, honey, you know, we we still need to eat and you're at work. I said, but did you notice? Because I knew her and I knew how she was, I would call you and say, What time are you off? We're going to this restaurant. Would you like me to bring something home for you? That was me caring about you. That was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I went on and on. And she literally looked at me and said, I never looked at it that way. I didn't know that. And I promise you, that thing never came up again. In fact, if she even joked about it with me, I'd look at her and she'd go, I'm just kidding, mom. I'm like, she'd be like, You guys don't care about me. I don't matter. And I'd be like, I'd look at her like she'd go, I'm just kidding, mom. And she'd say it to the siblings too. It was a joke. Because that was, she was kind of making fun of her younger self. But it didn't come up again because it was complete. And what happens after completion? Harmony. Harmony. It was like it went away. It was gone. So these tips, if you've joined this late, these tips are the way, you guys. They are the way. And everything that everybody else shared here today, they are the way. Because we can resolve our issues and create harmony. But we got to put some things into place. We got to be willing to practice a few things. Because we have habits and patterns of doing things a particular way. And we'll just keep doing them the same as we always do. Until we say light bulb, that makes sense. That's something else that you can say to your person when they're sharing. That makes sense. I understand. That makes sense. Okay. These are the ways that we can build healthy, connected, and long-lasting relationships. I've always had this theory, and I've talked about this for decades, that the majority of relationships are solvable and healable. And I would say something to the respect of 98%, 99%. I mean that. The ones that aren't, if you're in a relationship with someone who refuses to get help for a substance abuse, or someone who has some other type of addiction, like a sex addiction or whatever it might be, and they're unwilling to get help, or a true narcissist. No, you're probably dead in the water, or sociopath or anything else. You just need to move on. There's some that no, you can't. But the majority of relationships are healable. And sometimes, y'all, you may not like this. You may like it, but you may not. Sometimes you are the called person because you're the one that's aware. You're the one who's listening to these types of talks. You're the one who's willing to grow and to change. You're the one who's willing to speak up. Sometimes you are the one that is called to be that healing light, to be that pioneer, to be that demonstration within your family unit or your relationship. I see you guys um resonating with that. And I really appreciate that. Melinda, Sarah, Amani, VA, Pasa, Dr. Robert, Michelle. I see you guys. I see you guys. We have uh 3 almost 40 people who have passed through this room. And I appreciate the ones who have the ability to send up the emojis because the Android devices don't have that ability yet. But I appreciate your resonation. I appreciate you guys saying yeah. It's a hard place to be sometimes. It's the why me. Why is it always gotta be me? Because, sister, brother, you were designed that way. And you chose that path before you came here. It sucks sometimes, doesn't it? Why do you always gotta be the voice of reason? Why do you always gotta be the one to grow? It's just your path. It's part of, it's part of your curriculum here. And once I wrapped my head around that, that made sense to me because I got out of victim mode. Why me? Why has it always got to be me? Because it is always me. It has always been me, and this is just part of my lot. This is just part of my lot in life. Oh my gosh. Sarah agrees with that. The other Sarah, Jennifer does, Amani does, Melinda does, VA does, Lisa does, Michelle does. Yeah, you guys get what I'm saying. For those of you who are new here and who here and who have enjoyed this talk, feel free to give me a follow. I think that follow button is under my name. I think that's where it is right now here, under my profile picture. Also, feel free to check out my link tree that has tons of free resources, my book link, my self-love merchandise shop. Let's see what else, my YouTube channel. Coaching opportunities with me. By the way, my Noom Vibers, I offer 40% off uh single coaching sessions with me for only Noom Vibers, strictly for Noom Vibers. You can use the discount code Vibers Rock, V-I-B-E-R-S-R-O-C-K at checkout, and you will get 40% off of your session. And this right now, this is unlimited. So it's not just for one session. You can use it again and again and again for as long as I offer it. So please take advantage of that. If you would like to have a clarity session, run some things by me, get some ideas, get some clarity around something that you're dealing with, feel free to utilize that. I've coached and mentored many, many vibers now. Um many of you know each other. So please know that you're not the only one. It's just a way to get clear. And I'm here for you. To find my link tree, you click on my profile picture here that takes you to the profile page where it says my link tree. If you are listening to this in podcast forum on another platform after the fact, be sure to subscribe, turn on notifications, leave me a comment, go to the app store, leave me a five-star rating and review, and the link tree will be in the description of those platforms. All right, you guys, it's Thursday. It's 9-11 today. So sending love to all everybody who was affected by 9-11. My son-in-law sent me 9-11 9 slash 11 at 9 colon, 11 o'clock this morning. He said 9-11 on 9-11. So we always want to remember that was a very, very tragic day. We all remember where we were. Let's hold space and love and healing for not only those that were affected by 9-11 and continue to be affected, but also for this country that's in so much turmoil. Oh, this country's a mess. And sending love to our fellow human yesterday, Charlie Kirk, who I did not even know who he was, that just broke my heart in half. My son came home and 29-year-old boy, and he said, or man, he said, so how was your day, son? He goes, My day was pretty good. He goes, but I need a hug, mom. He goes, that was harsh. The news was harsh today. I'm like, yeah, it was. And my daughter goes, Oh my God, I did the same thing. I needed a mom hug. They both did. So um, I don't know that guy. I don't know what he's about. I don't care. I don't care what he does. That was tragic. And I fell asleep last night sending love to his wife. His babies won't remember, but his wife will. And she's got the visual to see too. And that's God, that is rough. So let's just collectively hold hands and send love to this country and to the family of Charlie Kirk. I don't watch the news a lot, you guys. I just happen to see that one. I'm sure there's many other people that need our love too. But that's never okay. All right. Much love, you guys. Thank you for all the support I see coming up on the screen. I know that you guys, my my big-hearted people, Sarah, Lisa, Dr. Robert, Melinda, Amani, VA, Jeanette, Michelle, Jeannie, Sarah, Alexandria, Rachel, everybody. Jennifer. Much love, and I will see you tomorrow.