8 KEY TRUTHS You Must Know For Personal Growth

Personal growth isn’t always what it looks like on the surface. Behind every breakthrough are hidden truths that most people never talk about. When we don't understand them, they can trip us up and cause us to backslide.

In this video, I’ll share insights that can shift the way you see your personal journey — helping you understand why things feel the way they do, what most "growers" experience and what it takes to keep going.

If you’re ready to explore the deeper side of personal growth, this is your invitation. 🌟

For FREE Resources, Book Link, KB's Self-Love Merch Shop, 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Transcript

Kristen 0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to Empower Hour with KB. My name is Kristen Brown, and I'm an author, two-time author, motivational speaker, intuitive healer, and life coach who specializes in helping individuals reclaim their true worth and embrace their personal power, all to master their energetic vibration and manifest the life and relationships of their dreams. This is a podcast for the soul-led, the heart-centered, and the courageously curious. The ones who are seekers, givers, and sacred rebels. The people who crave growth, long for deep transformation, and are willing to do the inner work to get there. Today I have a little spin-off, a little continuation of my conversation yesterday. That conversation was titled Your Personal Growth Story. And that was really designed around giving yourself permission to be where you're at. We also talked about personal growth not being linear. We also talked about how you might get, it might make others around you discomfort or discomfortable. Dis wait, uncomfortable. Oh God. I love when I mess up words. It's funny. I love when other people mess up words too. It cracks me up. So today we're going to be jumping into A Key Truths for Personal Growth. I'm really excited about this because, as I am with all of my conversations, I know that the more we know, the better we are able to navigate situations that are uncomfortable for us, how we are better able to reach for the stars and the things we want and to rebuild the foundation that is supporting us through life. And sometimes for some of us, that foundation is pretty weak. It's pretty skinny. It's maybe three-quarters of an inch thick when that can't really support the life and the relationships that we want. So it's in digging that deeper foundation. Think about a foundation that you would put a shed on, just a little 10 by 10 shed, the foundation, even if it some of those sheds don't even need a foundation, or it's just two by fours. Whereas if you're gonna build a skyscraper, which is your Mac Daddy awesome life, or your Mac mommy, we can say that too, awesome life, then you're gonna need this deep foundation. And this is what the personal growth journey is all about. It's about realizing that we have the ability to change ourselves. It's about putting us in the power seat of our life. It's about understanding that the brain is neuroplastic, which means it can change. It can change. So these patterns and habits that we have been in for quite some time, sometimes a lifetime, doesn't mean they're there forever. A lot of times people will say, Well, I am what I am. This is just as good as it's gonna get. And really they're giving themselves a sentence because they're saying that I am unchangeable. I have zero power to change myself and to work on myself, and this is just as good as it gets. And for some people, that might be okay. I am not here to judge anybody's life or the path that they chose or where they want to be, or if they want to be stagnant, or if they want to be ever flowing and growing. That's up to an individual. But I do like to draw that visual to people that we do have the choice whether we want to do that or not. And so if you're a person who has not reached for the stars and really understood the power that you have, maybe now you will understand that you do have the power. And it becomes a choice at that point of whether or not you truly want to do the things that are going to shift your life in the most profound ways. And oftentimes it can be the most minutest, minuscule, little gentle changes within us that yield the biggest impact. Sometimes we think it's gonna be this big, huge, awesome change that's gonna happen and everything is gonna fall in line after that. No. It's about moving forward one step at a time, keep going. Some of the most minuscule, tiniest, gentlest things that I did created large impact in my life because it was a shift in perception. And a shift in perception creates a change in direction. So when we can alter just even the way we're thinking about something, the way we're viewing something, holy moly, big things can come. It's just in one little tiny shift. I get so excited about this. If you would see me on a video right now, my eyes tear up. I get so excited. I would be throwing my hands in the air because knowing that we have this power makes life really fruitful. It makes it worth living and knowing that we can create outcomes that we want. Sometimes we don't know how those outcomes are going to come. We just know that healing our inner world will greatly and positively affect our outer world. The personal growth journey is deeply individual, but there are some universal truths that tend to emerge along the way. And when we understand these, it can make the journey a little bit more comfortable because sometimes things come out of nowhere. We're like, oh man. And of course, the brain wants to fight against what's not familiar. That is the way the brain is designed. If it doesn't feel familiar, it's saying bad, bad, bad, bad, because it wants to keep you in a little teeny, tiny, small box. That's how it keeps you, quote unquote, safe and protected. But it's also keeping us small, it's keeping us stagnant, it's keeping us in the same cyclical patterns over and over and over again. So by understanding these things that may arise, that brings it into your consciousness where you're aware and you can say, oh, okay, this is what's arising right now, but this is normal and natural. This is normal and natural because I'm going against the grain of the ego. I'm going against against the grain of that voice inside my head that's trying to keep me small and protected. So knowing that up front, that's going to help you navigate those situations a little bit more purposefully, I guess would be a great word. Okay, the first one is growth is often uncomfortable because real growth often requires, I don't want to say often it does require, stepping outside of our comfort zones. It involves confronting fears, letting go of old identities, facing parts of yourself you'd rather avoid, looking at your past, the places that you need to take responsibility and accountability. It's about looking at the consequences of your behaviors. You know, these types of things really can feel uncomfortable to a person. For some strange reason, it wasn't that uncomfortable for me. And I think it's because I hit bottom, bottom, bottom, and I didn't give a crap what I had to do. I did not care. So it really wasn't that uncomfortable. It was also because I was meditating a lot. I think I was in such a neutral place of just wanting to know. I was gathering information into my basket. I was just walking along the path going, okay, this, this, this, kind of like a grocery store where you're just grabbing things off the shelf. That's pretty much what I was doing. So keep in mind, it doesn't always have to be that uncomfortable if you view it through a different lens. If you do it, view it through the lens of shame, which a lot of people do because we have hidden shame, it's going to feel really gross because you're already feeling ashamed. Then you're like, oh God, I slept with that person on the same on the first date, or oh my God, I chased that person or was needy or stay stage five clinger or whatever. Come up with it, whatever it is for you. And understand that you can view it through one lens or the other. So, yes, it can be uncomfortable to look at those things, but it doesn't always have to be. And no judgment whether where you are at on this journey, you get to be where you're at. That's all there is to it. That's why these journeys are so personal. That's why they're so incredibly personal, because oftentimes people don't understand because they're not doing the work themselves. And this is why it can be really, really imperative to work with a coach or a mentor or a therapist or whoever who actually understands. I will tell you this, and I'm not saying this with any sort of arrogance. I'm not. I'm just telling you the truth. Oftentimes there are therapists out there who have not done the personal work themselves. So they're not really meeting that person with what they need to be met with. And I've had, my goodness, someone told me recently they've gone to therapy for 12 years. 12 years. And they said, I've gotten more out of these talks from you than I've gotten from my therapists or several therapists in 12 years. I've had someone say they've gone to therapy for eight years and said that to me. I have someone who said they've gone to therapy for four years and have said that to me. That's not because I think those therapists are bad. But what they're trying to do, they are getting that seen-ness and that uh validation and that deep, deep understanding, which some therapists don't do. That doesn't mean they're bad. I know many, many people who have had amazing therapists and have just rocked through their therapy because of that. What I'm saying is that finding somebody who has done the work before you and has prevailed, that's the key. To me, that's the best place to be. When you have found somebody who has done the work before you and they have prevailed in that area, that's key. However, what may come with that is some really big truths, some really in-your-face truths that you might be like, oh, I'm still trying to hide from that and I don't like that because I don't want to see that yet. Well, you know, you can always ask for a gentle session if you're not in that position. But do know that, oh gosh, there's this guy that I I don't know how I found him, but he's on TikTok and he's the dating coach. And this man, boy, he is straight. He is a straight talker. People are talking, you know, could they come up and ask questions? He's rubbing his brow like, oh my God. You know, he's he's like, bro, stop, stop. He's got this huge amount of following because they appreciate that straight talk. They want the straight talk, they don't want the fluff. They don't want to be going through video after video after video after lecture after lecture after lecture, looking for someone to just say it straight. So please know that, yeah, your ego's gonna get ignited when somebody says it straight. It's gonna be like, don't listen to them, that horrible person. It's gonna do that. But if you let that little moment pass, it's just a moment, just let it pass. Just let that ego just keep going by. What emerges next is the ringing true. Yeah, I can see the truth in that. Okay, so the first one is growth is often uncomfortable. And I love this quote by Susan David. Discomfort is often the price of admission to a meaningful life. Isn't that cool? Discomfort is often the price of admission to a meaningful life. The second thing is that awareness precedes change. You hear me say all the time, awareness is key, awareness is key. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. Self-awareness is all about recognizing your patterns, your triggers, your limiting beliefs, the things that you're doing over and over again, the places where you're stubborn, you're stuck, you're prideful. It's just really going within and having the awareness. When you go into awareness, you are bringing what's unconscious to the conscious. You are bringing it to the prefrontal cortex, you are making it in the known. It is now in your field of information. You have more information than you did before. I love awareness. Once I realized, that's why, my God, my tagline on my podcast when I first started it, the Sweet Environment Podcast, it wasn't my tagline. It was just what I said in every single episode. Awareness is key, awareness is key. And I kept saying that because I understood the more that I knew, the more that I was growing, the more that I was morphing, the more that I was evolving. It's just, I needed information. I needed to know about me. And once I knew about me, things just started to fall into place. It was crazy, it was radically amazing. So please know that awareness is key on this journey. It is a key truth. Getting lots of love and claps on that one. From Tracy, Lisa, and Robin and Sweets Undefined VA sending up some love. Cher sending up love. Hi, guys. Love to see you. Oh, and there is my beloved Shauna. Haven't seen you in a hot minute. Cassie, thanks, guys. Awesome. The next one is you will batten down the hatches. I know I'm not the first person to say this to you, and you've probably already experienced it, but we don't tend to like this. You will outgrow people, places, and patterns. You will. Have you heard of people saying that their world got really small? That this was me. I had a massive amount of friends and things and stuff to do. And the more that I healed, the smaller my world got. And at first it rocked me. I didn't like it because I still was not completely healed in certain areas. So when that started to happen and people would fall away, oh my gosh, that was a red alert. And then I thought, I really just pondered it. And although it might have been sad to lose certain people because we like what's familiar, we like what the patterns, we like these people in our life, and these type of things, I started to realize in the grand scheme of things, they would hold me back because they were not willing to see things through my perspective. You know, I've had people say things like, Oh, I talk to certain people and they get into this coachy mode. And I've really pondered this. I'm like, is it really a coachy mode? Or if that's just how they think now? That's they just see things differently now. They see things through a different lens. Now, again, I always say we we do need to validate people's experiences, understand where they're coming from, and act with empathy and compassion. That's really what we as individuals need. So we don't need to launch into all of our wisdom out of the gate. It really involves asking permission. Like, do you really want to know what I think about this? Or are you ready for some next level thinking? That type of thing will really help that, rather than just coming in with all your wisdom and knowledge and piling it onto somebody who's right now just needs to know that they're not crazy. So there is that piece to it. But you will outgrow people. There may be environments that you're no longer aligned with, your values are going to change, your vision might change. And although it can be painful, it is necessary for continued growth. A friend of mine just asked me at the gym this morning, said, Did you do anything for Labor Day? And I said, No. We went to Home Depot and returned a plant that died. And uh it was on my Apple Pay, and it took this long time because they couldn't find it, all these things. Did I didn't have the receipt or the tag? And we did that, and then we drove down to an outlet place to get my favorite pair of shoes because you guys have heard me talk about this. They are discontinued. They are discontinued. I love these. So I yeah, I'm a little bit of a junkie with this. I have about seven pairs now. But these are gonna last me for probably seven years, just so you guys know. I know it's a little bit excessive. But being a girl who is not a shopper, who doesn't, you know, peruse Amazon and buy online stuff, it's like this is this is kind of how I do things. It's like, here it is. I love this, I'm getting a bunch of pairs of this, and I'm done. Anyway, so we went down to the outlet mall, because as you know, they often have the discontinued items, and we got those. And that was it. Uh, husband made some food. We watched a documentary, that type of thing. And I said, you know, I don't really do party things anymore. I said, you know, because that sort of fell out of my life because I don't drink. And it's just I have some friends that I just love hanging out with. They're so much fun. But then the drinking gets out of control, and it's just that's not fun for me anymore. And I don't really invite them anywhere, and they don't really invite me anywhere, but we love each other to death. We just adore, we're constantly sending each other stuff, sci-fi each other. We're we're gonna change. We're gonna change. Our best friends are gonna change, the people we want to hang with are gonna change. And, you know, like I said in talk yesterday, our growth can be really uncomfortable for other people. They may not like it. It doesn't mean that they hate you, it just means that they can't be around you right now. So that's a truth that I want you to understand. And another one is that discipline beats motivation. Ooh. Ooh. Discipline beats motivation. What does that mean? It means you're not always gonna feel like doing the work. But being disciplined with your habits, with your commitment, with your structure is going to carry you through the uninspired days. Right? There's days that I don't want to hit the bed and do a meditation. I got stuff to do. I don't want to do that. And I'm like, no, you need this, Kristen. This is part of your self-care. And when you don't, you know what happens. When you're not consistent with your meditations, you know what happens. You know, I just heard something today. I was listening to a Dr. Joe talk. I'm part of his live community. I pay him a yearly fee. I'm gonna guess. I'm just saying this in case you guys are interested in it. It's like $109 or $119 for the year. And he gives a live talk every four weeks, and you can join it live or you get access to the replays. And I was listening to the replay this morning, and he said, I loved this because I'm really intuitive and always have been. Always, always, always, as far back as I can remember. And he said that the best setup for intuition is heart-brain coherence. I never heard that before. Heart-brain coherence. So these are the type of things, you know, we can pick up along our way over learning things. So I'm like, yeah, you know, I also know that I get into fear, which is why, sorry, let me finish that point, is why my meditations are so important to me and my spending alone time and my walking in nature and all the things that I do by myself are so important because it keeps me in that heart-brain coherence mode. And that's what I love to be, because I, just like anybody else, can fall into fear or overthinking or you know, limited beliefs or these types of things. They're not super prevalent right now, to be honest with you, in my life, but I have had a history of that. And I do believe it's because I am keeping myself well meditated. Come on, that's funny. I'm well meditated. At least I cracked myself up. Okay. So discipline beats thanks, guys. You got me. Thank you for getting me. Not making me feel like I'm this like lone ship out here. So discipline beats motivation, which means if we just have a plan of what we're gonna do every day, then eventually you get into this role and you benefit from it. And there's times when you don't do it, and then you'll say, Oh gosh, I need to get back to that. You know, that's where I'm at now. I'm in a very slow rolling, uh slow isn't the right word. Just flow, just purposeful, just intentional, just yeah, and slow is not the right word. But I used to be fast. So would it be slow? I don't know. I don't know how to word that. But I used to be like, ha ha ha, I called it panting energy. I gotta rush, I gotta rush, I gotta do this, I gotta upload this video, I gotta make this, I gotta. I was like that, where I was just like blowing through my lunch and flying up the stairs to get back to my desk. I've slowed that whole thing down. But I'm not slow, so I don't know how to word that. If you guys come up with a good word, you can message me. But you get what I'm saying. I've just slowed my role. I have powered back a little bit, maybe. You know, if you think about you know, in some type of jet, I just decreased power a little bit rather than being in that, oh, just ridiculous fear, really fear based mode of I gotta get it done now. I've gotten more into this calm mode. And this is where I like to be. This is. My sweet spot in life. I love this spot. Within that, I don't need to be motivated. I don't have to go, okay, I gotta get up and go. I am motivated. But it's not like I'm motivated. It's not like that. It's just, I'm just in a place where kind of my train has gone down this track so many times, it has its own, not thrust. I don't know these type of terms, but you know, when a train gets going, at first it's like slow, it's slow. And then eventually it gains this momentum. And then the back of the train can actually begin to push the front of the train as well because this momentum has been created. Is this physics? I don't know. Again, not my wheelhouse. Coming up with words, I have no idea what I'm talking about. But you guys get what I'm saying. So it's, I kind of have that. It's like this momentum that has been built based on me uh having disciplined habits that have really made me feel better, like sleeping. I used to go to bed at 10 o'clock, probably didn't fall asleep till 10:30. Now I'm like 9 o'clock. I want to be in bed at 9 o'clock. I want to get longer sleep than I had been getting because I get up kind of early and go to the gym, etc. So that's my new discipline. I told my husband last night, I said, you know what? Let's try to be in bed by nine. He's like, okay, he's all about that too. He likes to go to bed early. So that's our new thing. All right. The next one, which is number five, you are not your thoughts or your emotions. Learning to observe rather than identify with your, excuse me, internal experiences is a key part of emotional maturity. Thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are not facts. Emotions are not permanent. Emotions are not permanent. This is understanding that you are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. There's a person in my life I used to say, tell me how you feel when emotionally. And they would tell me their thoughts. I would say, no, those are your thoughts. Tell me how you feel. And they would tell me their thoughts. And I would say, no, tell me how you feel. What are your emotions? This person was so not adept at contacting, being in contact with their own emotional body. They didn't even know that was a thing. And that's why they were showing up in the world in a very maladaptive way, a very dysfunctional, hurtful way, because they weren't even in touch with their own. Not only that, people will think a thought, and then they it's just truth. Well, I thought the thought it must be true. No, no. Our brain's doing a whole lot of thinky thinkies and thoughty-thougties all throughout the day. Not everything we think is true. Becoming the observer of this rather than being whipsawed back and forth and back and forth, and this thought, that thought, this thought, that thought, this emotion, that emotion, and we're just all over the place. Why don't we just sit with within that and observe? Wow, I'm feeling like this. I'm feeling this. It's a huge part of the personal growth journey is to just let yourself be. I'm sad right now. I'm angry right now. I'm regretful right now. Huh. Look at that. Interesting. That's just what I'm feeling right now. Or your thought says something like Trish walked by you and didn't say hello. That means she doesn't like you. How about just observing that? Wow. I went straight to Trish not liking me because she walked by without saying hello. Let's go put my brain did right there. Good one. All right. The next one is this is huge. This is huge. Self-love is not indulgent, it's foundational. I talked about in the top of this talk. It is foundational. We are resetting our foundation through loving ourselves. True personal growth doesn't come from self-loathing and constant personal criticism. It requires compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, and the willingness to give yourself what you need. Self-care. It's foundational. It's not optional. This is a key truth. It's not optional. Go talk to anybody out in the world who has done their healing work and is continuing to do so because we talked about that last talk that this is a journey, not a destination. And like Kareem has had on his social media channel, the journey is the destination. How cool is that? Talk to anybody that has done this work. You're going to hear I accepted myself. I was compassionate with myself. I forgave myself. I loved myself. I started to make myself a priority. These are non-negotiables, you guys. And like I said, it'll it'll move you from zero foundation or two by four foundation or a one-inch thick slab of concrete to a deep, sturdy with rebar and steel beams foundation. That's what happens. Self-love digs deep. It sets that foundation. This is so crucial to understand. So if you're trying to have a personal growth journey, you're trying to change things, and you're not doing this, things are some things are going to change. But man, when you do that, that's when everything changes. That's also because you're giving yourself all that love, all that capital L love, you're going to see things more clearly. Remember what I talked about earlier, the shame is what makes it all feel so uncomfortable, or stepping out of the comfort zone. But when you truly love yourself to this capacity, you're not shaming yourself when something comes up, when you're realizing you're bad, you're quote unquote, my bad, you know, taking responsibility. When you're realizing the thing that you did, that stops happening because that foundation is dug so deep. But when you have this little tiny flimsy foundation that's rooted in self-loathing and unworthiness and shame, and it's full of holes, and something comes in, it just goes touches that very, very tender place. Self-love is key, and it is the miracle cure. I will say it from the rooftops till the day I die. If you haven't yet purchased my book, The Recovering People Pleaser, and you're interested, I invite you to do so. It's on 40,000 major bookselling sites. The link is on my link tree to the Amazon site for that. I have a whole chapter on self-love, the miracle cure. It's the miracle cure. And it's truly how to implement, how to put into place self-love that really changes you. I know it seems so fluffy. Have you tried forgiving yourself? Have you tried letting yourself off the hook? Have you tried comforting yourself? Have you tried accepting yourself? Have you tried really truly making yourself a priority and caring for all your needs? Oh, you're gonna move the needle in your life, sister brother. I promise you will. All right, we got Amani coming up. Welcome, Amani. Kristen, you're always in my closet.

Imani 28:02

I need out. Am I in the corner or the closet? Closet. You are taking up residence in my closet. It's like everything you talk about is like so on point and it's so confirming that I am on the right track for myself. Yes, you are. Case in point, I reached out to one of my family members who never talked to me, didn't accept me, any of that. But I'm on this journey to understanding who my mom was and what my role is all in my life. And when he responded back, Kristen, I cried because that was the first time any of my family responded to anything I said. Wow. And for him to say, I know what you went through was difficult, he said, but at the end of the day, your mom really did love you. Your stepdad really did love you. They adored you, they just did the best they could with what they had.

Kristen 29:07

And who is this to you? Just a family member?

Imani 29:10

Yeah, my uncle, my mom's youngest brother.

Kristen 29:13

Okay, your uncle, gotcha.

Imani 29:14

Yeah, they are 15 years apart. Okay. And for him to just reaffirm that, and him to tell me how adored I am and how wonderful I am, and that he's proud of me. Oh he doesn't know anything. There's nothing like that. Yes, for him to say that, I just I cried tears of joy this morning, and I'm grateful I gave myself permission to do that because growing up I wasn't allowed to have emotions. Crying was a weakness. But for me to give myself permission to take a chance on myself, to believe more in myself and why I'm here and what I'm capable of, and that I am not my past, I am not the decision other people made, even though I'm suffering for some of them. But it's not my responsibility. I am a good human. And it's relearning and unlearning to relearn all of this the symptoms and all of the you know highlight rules that I kept replaying in my mind no longer have the power. They no longer have the power because I'm doing the work. I gave myself permission to do the work. I gave myself permission to process through my emotions at that time instead of just continuing to stuff them down. I have given myself to now talk about my past without getting upset, without bursting out in tears and saying, no, you don't understand me. No, I'm doing the work that's like it's okay. I don't have to build a defense about who I am. I don't have to always have a defense when people don't understand. It's not necessary because it's not my business. And I used to make it so much my business of why don't they like me? Well, why don't they want to be around me? And there are so many things going on, right? Life is life, and some people just can't tell you I am at capacity, I can't take on anything else. So it's the better thing for them to do is just not say anything at all, right?

Kristen 31:19

I wish they would just say something though.

Imani 31:22

But I'm going to be even okay with that because I'm looking at it. Is a mind, did you do your part? Yeah. Okay, good. What's the problem? You know, as long as I'm doing my part to say, hey, did I do anything wrong? Did I offend? Okay, they didn't say anything, but did I say it clearly? Did I make my petition heard with a smooth, sound, rational voice? Was I an emotionally mature adult when I had this conversation? And when I look back at that, I'm like, you know what, Amani, you're doing the doggone thing. Look at how far you've come from your 30s, how far you came from your 20s, from your teenage years. You are an exceptional person because of the growth. You are an exceptional prop person because you didn't let any of those circumstances break you. You stayed the course. And so, my prayer, my prayer, my wish for everyone is stay the course. Self-permission, give yourself grace, forgive yourself for who you are so you can truly live in how you are.

Kristen 32:37

Thank you, Amani. And you know what she did, you guys, because she often does this. She talked about number eight on my list, which is your past shapes you, but it doesn't define you. And she said very clearly these five words. I am not my past. That is number eight. I am not my past. You are not bound by your history. You're not bound by your story, you're not bound for what those people did. You're not bound by what you did. Hello. I don't care if you were in the slammer for twelve years. You are not bound by that. We are ever-changing, ever-evolving beings. We are little participles of God, source, universe. We deserve honor, respect, kindness, love, no matter what we did. No matter what. No matter what was done to us. And moving away from that past. Freedom. Freedom. Pure freedom. Let it behind you. Allow yourself to recall the fun times, the good times, but the rest, let it rest. Lay it to rest. Be done with it. We've often heard of people, like in movies and whatnot, where they will change locations, they will move, let's say, from Denver to Seattle. Why? Because they want to walk away from their past. They want a fresh start. Some of us don't have that option to change states and change people and change jobs. But we can walk away from our past in our minds. Maybe have a little ritual. Bury that part in a positive way. Lay it to rest. R-I-P. Let it be. I didn't mean to rhyme that. Lay it to rest. I've had to do this. I've had to do this and I've done it. And one of them was six months ago. I've talked about it on here. If you guys are someone who's stuck around for a while, you probably remember me talking about it. Where my husband says, you keep talking about that. That's in the past. Oh. And it was a it was a friend betrayal. It was a couple of different friend betrayals. And he was right. And I thought, I don't want to bring that my past into my present. I don't want that. So I did a little ritual in my head. I just laid it all the rest. I said, this is no longer serving me. I've learned what I need to learn from it. But I also send love. I don't send hate, condemnation, judgment. I send love. Because I want to be of love. So I send love to those people. Here you go, here's some love. And I'll see you later. You're done. And I'm going to be on, I want to know my human. And then my follow-up thought is, and I hope I don't run into you in the grocery store. I do, I've thought that. Like, I don't want to run into you in a grocery store. Just you're done. Who's ever felt like that? Or if you see someone and you're just like, oh, you kind of steer the other way. Let's be real here, brothers and sisters. Jeanette, Amani, VA, Lisa, Sweets, Shauna, Deb, everybody gets it. So good. Okay. The next one is clarity comes from action, not from overthinking. Again, these are key truths for the personal growth journey. Clarity comes from action, not overthinking. That means, and hear me now, this is in 8,000 font, italics, bold, comic stands, purple. You can't think your way into a perfect decision or identity. We just can't, because our thinking is limited. We only know what we know so far. There's, yes, there's intuition. Yes, there's creativeness, but we're talking about overthinking. If we're just going to loop, dun, dun, dun, dun, keep looping, keep buffering, keep looping, keep buffering, keep looping, we're just thinking the same thoughts over and over and over and over and over again and trying to get a result, trying to get a new thing. No, we're looping because we're in fear. Overthinking is fear-based. Remember, anything fear-based doesn't serve us. Overthinking is fear-based. It's not going to serve us. You're not going to get your big wow moment by rethinking the same thoughts over and over again. Think about it, it's just the hands on a clock, going in a circle, going in a circle. You think all of a sudden there's going to be a new number on the clock? Nope. Doesn't work that way. Clarity comes from action. This means, what do I feel inspired to do next? Okay, I'm going to go do this thing. And then what comes from that? Oh, you just learned something different. You just got a new perspective. That's when the learning happens. It's not from repeating thinking. Oh, I've coached people through repeating thinking. And I'll and I will stop, you know, after we have the conversation and you know, we have that rapport and they understand how this works. I'll be like, that's I said you're I'll say you're looping. And they go, Oh, yeah, I am. Like, we we need to get out of that. That's not working here. You've tried that. This again, we've had conversations to support what I'm saying. And they're like, You're right, you're right, you're right, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Because they understand that that looping does nothing. Does nothing. But when we start to feel into what sounds good next, or maybe there's something I don't know. What can I be curious about? What can I research? What can I try? What feels good? Like, what do I want to do today? You know what? I've really been wanting to try a Zumba class, but I've been embarrassed or shy or afraid I have two left feet. But you could feel that inspiration. Go to the Zumba class. Something's gonna come from that. I don't know what. It could just be that it feels good. You could meet somebody that tells you something amazing. Someone could have something printed on their t-shirt, some company that is exactly the company you needed. Maybe you meet a new friend. Maybe you need a meet a love interest. Maybe you feel so good afterwards that your intuition starts popping. Maybe you get super creative afterwards. Follow those little sparks and nudges because when they come from that inspirational place, they are a right direction because they are from inspiration. And inspiration will guide us. I'm to the point now, I've worked against inspiration, I've worked with inspiration. Let me tell you, working against inspiration, Inspiration, literally without exaggeration, felt like a hamster wheel. Nothing I did gained traction in. I was working hard. That's when I was working, not with inspiration. Hard. And it was like I was on this hamster wheel going 80 miles an hour. Nothing was changing in my life. Nothing. When I stopped hamster wheeling, when I set that down and said, I'm only going to follow what inspires me. This is why you guys follow my newsletter. I don't always post, I don't always send newsletters to build a business. Send your people newsletters. Give them this, give them that. Do no. Don't feel good. I don't want to do it. It's not that I'm against it because I do like writing them, but if I'm not inspired to write one, I'm forcing. I'm forcing, but then sometimes I'm inspired and I'll send something. Am I making my point? It's through the inspiration that we are guided. Because inspiration, our beloved mojo said that broken down, I can't remember if it's Latin or whatever, is from the root words in spirit. Inspiration. So it's coming through us from God's Hource Universe. Inspiration is key. But again, a lot of people are overthinking and thinking they need to do the thing because this is what Bob or Trish said that I need to do. I have to do it this way. This is how all these other people found the boyfriend, found the girlfriend, found the job, got rich, built the clientele, built the social media, all of that, whatever it might be. Nope. You need to follow your own inspiration. Overthinking it is gonna get you nowhere. You're gonna hamster wheel, you're gonna get exhausted, you're gonna get burned out, and then you're gonna say, oh my God, this doesn't work, or I'm stupid, or you're gonna start to doubt your abilities. What if you're just working from fear rather than inspiration? What if your abilities are absolutely stellar and rock star and you're so amazing, but you're working from fear. Then we start to question ourselves. I just must really suck. Or I'm not pretty, or I'm not handsome, or I'm not funny, or talented. And then we we start to lose traction. We start to doubt ourselves, we start to think there's something wrong with us. Nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah. No, no. Nonies. I say that to my dog nonies, and my kids make fun of me. My daughter, my son-in-law made a reel the other or in TikTok. They they've had a couple of things that have gone viral, very viral, on their TikTok page. And they were at a Trader Joe's picking flowers, and my son, they make fun of me for saying non-ies, by the way, they all do. My son-in-law, she was pointing out something, and he goes, That's non-ies. I started laughing. I was like, okay, can't make fun of me anymore because now you're using the word. Anywho, the next one. We ready? Is you will never be done. You're not gonna be done. There's no place, there's no finish line. You're not gonna be done. Just own that. I get to be, I get to be a work in progress. I get to try things out. I get to research cause and effect. I get to observe, I get to experiment. And here's something cool. I don't know how to word this yet. I've thought about it a couple times, so bear with me as I flub my way through this. But I have noticed that life is very forgiving. In the respect of not the true forgiveness, respect of doing a bad thing, meaning forgiving in the respect of flexible. So we can mess up and then course correct, and life goes, okay. It doesn't hold us hostage to anything. Does that make sense? It's I've seen this so many times in my life where I just, oh, do something that was not lovely, and then I just changed it and started to do something different. And life immediately met me at that. And I started to have different experiences because of that. I realized life is not rigid. Terry, thank you for coming.

Terry 44:46

Life is very flexible, very true. It is, isn't it? It is. It's quite interesting, actually, because what you just said last minute is um it follows on from what I'm gonna say, actually. In all the ancient religious texts, well, you see, religion is a man-made um word, always remember that. All the ancient um wisdom, um, Sanskrit, I can't pronounce the word, uh Aramaic, Aramaic. Even the Bible and the Quran, right? And in some of these texts, it's it's literally quoted hundreds of times. Yeah. The philosophy of the secret of a happy life, you can sum it down to one sentence or even three words. I think you know what they are, KB, but I'll tell them anyway. Do not fear. They all have this in common, you know. And um, yeah, so so what you just said about ex experiment, you know, if it doesn't work this way, experiment and do it again. This this is the beauty of life, you know. Once you reach that a certain experience in life and awareness, then you realize there is no failure. It's it it's all um designed for your journey and your growth, you know. And nobody, um the only time you'll ever be 100% perfect is when you're back in spirit, backwards towards, you know.

Kristen 46:10

And um there is no failure. That is, I'm so glad you brought that to this conversation.

Terry 46:16

Oh, I I I learned I I learned it the hard way, you know, because I um I I used to think I was a failure at one time, yeah. But but then you realise no, you're meant to go through this experience for your growth. And if you don't learn it the first time, then you'll have to learn it a second time and a third time until you get it. It's as simple as that. As I said, it all goes back to fear, and um, as I think you mentioned forgiveness as well, which is vitally important. Number one, forgive yourself and forgive others, you know. And that is is is all there is to it. Be kind, walk gently on the earth. It doesn't get much simpler than that, KB, does it?

Kristen 46:56

It doesn't. I like that. Walk gently on the earth. I've never heard that. I love that.

Terry 47:03

Well, that's like comes from the Buddhist tradition, the Dalai Lama. Walk gently on the earth. I can't remember exactly how it goes, but you you get the gist, you know. Find walk gently on the earth, you know. And uh yeah, so what can you say? It's um now um a lot of people get hung up on peer pressure and so-called um religious leaders. Now, oh that's another thing. God fearing is a is a man-made um construct. Yep. Anybody who says she used to fear God, well, what can I say? It's um why would you fear a God if you want to call it God, that is just pure unconditional love, you know?

Kristen 47:49

Exactly.

Terry 47:50

Yeah, exactly.

Kristen 47:51

That never clicked with me in my normal signed religion. I was like, what? This doesn't feel right to me because I had experiences of this energy, and I was like, that's not what I'm getting. Like, I it was so confusing as a little kid to me.

Terry 48:08

But but but you see, this this is why um fundamentalist religion of any kind has a lot to answer for, because it does put this idea in people's heads that they've got to be in fear all the time, otherwise they'll be struck by lightning or they'll go to even worse, H-E-L-L.

Kristen 48:26

H-E-Double hockey sticks.

Terry 48:29

The only hell that exists is the one we create. And you do hear the anecdotal stories of people having these after-death experiences, but I haven't got enough time to go into that. So thank you, KB.

Kristen 48:39

Thank you, Tel. Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming up. That was awesome. Oh, I'm gonna expand a little bit on there is no failure. One of my favorite things, there is no failure, you guys. There is no failure. There is no failure. Only opportunities to learn. Only opportunities to learn. Doesn't that feel much better? How about if it's true? How about if it's capital T, universal truth? There is no failure, it's only opportunities to learn. But man, we can be so dang hard on ourselves. We could be, we can be ruthless, relentless, nasty bullies and abusers to ourselves because we're telling ourselves we're supposed to be something else. What if you learn that truth? There is no failure. We will repeat experiences. Experiences will repeat until we learn. What's my whole story, you guys? Attracting abusive cheaters, narcissistic type people over and over and over again. Why? Because I needed to learn how to love myself. I needed to learn that that was my energy reflecting out into the world, and that was being called to me based on how I treated me over and over and over again until I hit bottom of the bottom of bottoms. Broken homeless with three kids, cracked me open. And that was my personal growth journey. I would say I've always been on a personal growth journey. I've never, not as condensed, right? I didn't get into my PhD section of it. I was always like growing, morphing, changing. I've always been about that. But this was when I really started to apply really poignant tools to myself. And they were just, they were spiritual concepts. They were spiritual concepts that I learned through things like the Tao De Chang, The Course in Miracles, Buddhism. I would just learn spiritual concepts, Neil Donald Walsh and all of his work, just things that made sense to me. And I said, okay, let me apply that. And it started to move the needle. We can read self-help books to the cows come home and the sheep and the birds and the lizards, and nothing will change until we start to apply certain principles to our lives. That's why I give these talks. I was thinking about that today on the on the drive home from the gym. I was like, why do I like giving these talks? And I said, Because if I can help one person suffer just a little less through life, that makes me feel good. I've gone up against all kinds of my own fears to do this because that's how driven I am. That's how much I love humanity. I love people. One of my best friends one time said to me, All people are A-holes. She literally said that to me. My best friend at the time. And I just looked at her and I thought, wow, I think all people are beautiful. How can you say that? You know, and she got all how can you say that? I saw the divinity in people, she saw the errors in people. And we are error full. If we make errors, we are not perfect for anything supposed to be perfect. That isn't even part of the plan. And some people's errors are errors are pretty bad, and we want to stay away from them or they need to be locked up or what have you. Right? Some people's errors are pretty bad. The we others are errors that we can work with in a relationship with. That's up to us to discern. Because nobody knows your path like you do. No one knows. That's the conversation we had yesterday. So if you haven't yet, check that one out. That's called your your personal growth story. Or journey. I'm not sure how I titled it. And this one is Eight Keys for Personal Growth to help you understand how this whole journey is supposed to look so that you don't feel like you're just floating out in outer space and nobody gets you. Or when things come up, you're like, oh, that's right. I heard about this. I heard that this is this is part of the journey. I'm not crazy. Nothing's weird. I don't need to freak out and go climb back into my little cave again. This is just part of the whole gig. Okay. That's all. That's all. I appreciate you guys so much for being here and listening and all the interaction that you give on these talks. I see all your love and claps coming up and your messages, and I don't always get to respond to those, but they're there. I see them. I appreciate them. Just like that one was from Miss Robin. How cute. Oh, someone has a Yoda picture. That's so cute. Bob, son of mom, has a picture of Yoda for the profile. That's really cute. Cassie, I see you too. Thank you. Jeanette, Cher, Robin, everybody. Oh, you guys are amazing. I'm looking forward to another conversation with you guys tomorrow. As always, if you have any questions or any topics you would like me to cover that are within my wheelhouse, like I said, then I'd be happy to do that. If there's anything you want a refresher of, something that you might be going through, you can tell me to keep it anonymous. Just say, you know what, can you talk about this? I'm kind of struggling with this right now. I could use a refresher, I could use a pick-me-up or some encouragement in this department. I am more than happy to do that, you guys. I just let my conversations come through inspiration, but I'm more than happy to talk about something that you would like to hear about, okay? Thanks for being here, everyone. I love you. I wish you the best. You're rock stars. Get yourself strapped into that driver's seat of your life, claim your agency, and let's see you rock and roll because I know you got it. I know you do. You're not more or less special than anybody else. Neither am I. We're all the same. And we all have this capacity. And I believe in you. If no one's ever said it, I believe in you, and I'm proud of you. Because you've been through some ish, some rough ish. You've gone up against the masses. You have had people say and do things that were heinous. You're still here. You have had challenges unlike anybody else, and you're still here. And I'm proud of you. So be proud of yourself. Give yourself a really big hug. Mean it. Open your heart and mean it. Pat yourself on the back. Stroke your arms a little bit. Kiss your hand if you want. Give yourself the love. See you tomorrow.