The Power of Presence - Why Your Best Life Depends On It

Do you ever feel like life is passing you by while your mind is somewhere else? Maybe you’re replaying the past, worrying about the future, or rushing through the day without really living it. The result? Stress, disconnection, and a nagging sense that something essential is missing.

In this episode I explore the truth about presence that can shift EVERYTHING. If you’ve been craving more peace, clarity, and a deeper sense of aliveness and joy, this message is for you.

What you’ll discover here may change the way you experience every single moment of your life.

For FREE Resources, Book Link, KB's Self-Love Merch Shop, Private Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Transcript

Kristen 0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to Empower Hour with KB. My name is Kristen Brown, and I'm an author, speaker, intuitive healer, and coach who specializes in helping individuals reclaim their true worth and embrace their personal power. Also master their energetic vibration and manifest the life and relationships of their dreams. So welcome aboard, kick off your shoes if it's safe to do so. Put up your weary feet, grab yourself a beverage, a pad of paper, and a pen, and make yourself at home. Today I have an amazing conversation for you, and one that changed my life in the most profound ways. As I've said many times before, I went through this stage of my life called the College of Christian. It was a two-year period of time that I was dedicated to my inner growth, that I vowed to remain single and celibate and not even so much as breathe in the direction of a potential love interest because I needed to figure out why my life wasn't showing up the way that I wanted it to. And I had gotten to the place where I was completely spent. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of the way I was being treated by other people in my life. During that time, I read a lot of books. I listened to a lot of lectures. I took a lot of notes. I highlighted the heck out of my books. I kept them all. I kept them on a bookshelf in my room. And the kids and I have moved from the house that we were in. If some of you know my tsunami story, I won't get into that now. But we moved from that house and moved in with my mother and my stepfather. The one thing that I did not pack was my books. I put them up on a shelf because gratefully the room that I was moving into had built-in bookshelves. My mom had all kinds of decorative stuff on there. And I said, Mom, can I move this stuff and put my books here? She was like, Yes, of course. And those books really helped me. And one of those books, and one of those lectures, or many of lectures that I listened to, came from Eckhart Tolle. So I read The A New Earth and The Power of Now, and I listened to many of his lectures, and I started to really understand the power of presence. So I began to practice that in my life, and I couldn't believe the change. Like it was, why haven't I been doing this forever? Why did I not know about this? But here's what's interesting is it wasn't something that I had to cultivate. It wasn't draw it up, build it out of nowhere. Because there are times in my life and in your life where you have been fully present, where you know what it feels like. So when you get back into that state and you practice it on the regular, you're going to remember, oh, I've been in this state before. I know what this feels like. I just don't seem to put a lot of emphasis on it or practice it on the regular. So it's not like it's something that you've never ever, ever, ever done. Likely there are moments in your life where you have done it. Even if you've had a really strenuous and difficult life, there are moments when that presence was available. So when you start to practice this, you're going to be reminded of this place. That's why I often talk about reclaiming. This is not about drawing it up out of nowhere, making it up, having to build something that's never been there before. So I wanted to start off this conversation with several quotes from Eckhart Tolle, and then I'm going to dive into why presence is powerful. So all these quotes that I'm going to read are from Eckhart Tolle. Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the now the primary focus of your life. Wherever you are, be totally there. Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be. Nothing ever happened in the past. It happened in the now. Nothing will ever happen in the future. It will happen in the now. Awareness is the greatest agent for change. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Awareness is key. I say it all the time. Stress is caused by being here but wanting to be there. The more you are focused on time, past and future, the more you miss the now, the most precious thing there is. Don't get lost in your mind. Be rooted in being. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. And lastly, to be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time. The compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. Aren't those powerful? There was one that I really wanted to expand on. I don't remember which one it was. Yeah, okay. The more you are focused on time, past and present, present, the more you miss the now, the most precious thing there is. This conversation was inspired in me based on dealing with a person in my life who is really trying to practice the present moment because they have felt like they have been rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing their whole life. And interestingly enough, they had gotten several messages through spirit, through universe that were big slowdown signs. Big slowdown signs. I can tell you some of the moments that those happened, I was present for. And she was hospitalized, her kidneys were shutting down, all these things were happening to her. And I remember I had been such in the practice of presence. It literally was my life. I was so present that doctors were crying to me in the hallway, crying, telling me they don't know what to do, and they were scared, and they were having roundtable meetings at six o'clock in the morning with many doctors from other facilities, all these things. And I remember being so present, so present, not letting his words scare me, that I felt that she was going to be okay. They later figured it out. She had had, I'll just say it to you real quickly, she had had strep throat that I'm not sure the right word, but it migrated to her jugular, so it went through her throat into her jugular veins, and then the jugular veins return blood to the heart, which then oxygenates the blood and then shoots it all to the rest of the body. So basically, she had infection that was shot through her whole body. So she was septic. That's what was happening, and everything was shutting down. She lived, she's amazing, all the things. But I remember standing there and looking at him, and I said, You are doing the best you can, and she is going to be okay. To a doctor. Where did that come from? It came from presence. I've told this story before too, but there was only one time on this journey that I began to freak out. And that's when they said that she was having something going on with her heart and they needed to do a it's an internal ultrasound, like they go through your throat and then they ultrasound your heart because they were worried that she had quote unquote vegetation on her valves, which is very dangerous because that will eat away at your valves, and she would need to have a heart or a valve transplant. And at that point, I was with my now husband, he was my boyfriend at the time, and I just looked at him, and that's when the wave came over me. And I looked at him and I said, I need to go outside and stand against a tree. So, you know, walking out of a hospital is no short trek. And we walked, and I was in this place, I could feel it like mud dripping down over me. Thank you for the support, guys. And I went outside. The first tree I found, I just stood there. And I got back into presence. We weren't together for very long when this happened, maybe three, four weeks. And I looked at him and I said, I'm okay now. He never said a word. He just let me stand against the tree. And then we went back inside. And I don't want to say I soldiered up because that really wasn't what it was. I didn't just like, okay, you're fine. I didn't do that. I connected with presence and I sat in it. And then I felt this is going to be okay. Because I was in presence. She had the procedure later, I don't know, the next day or whatever. And he comes out of the, you know, comes into the waiting room to talk to us, and he he's shaking his head like no, like back and forth, like like exasperated kind of thing. And I'm like, don't do that if you're a doctor and the news is good. But I looked at him, I'm like, what? He goes, I can't believe we gave her the equivalent of 17 shots of alcohol to knock her out, and she kept opening her eyes. He goes, I will never underestimate anxiety again. She didn't remember the procedure or anything like that. But then I'm like, okay, and the vegetation. And he was like, there's nothing there. But he was so shocked that what he gave her to anesthetizer didn't like it worked, but it didn't work all the way. Anyway, she was fine. She didn't feel anything or remember anything. But it was through that present moment that allowed me to deal with what was happening at that time. It allowed me to get in touch with energy. It allowed me to receive messages from God's Source Universe. And I could feel she was gonna be okay when everything looked horrible. Like they literally thought she was gonna die. I'm just gonna tell you like that. They thought this was not good. And I felt it. I knew. I've also, because of presence, have felt when people were gonna die. I just knew. And it was sort of like a setup. It was sort of like okay, this is what's happening now. But I also know that there was another family that was in the hospital. I won't give away their things. I have permission from my daughter to share hers. Any story that I share about my kids, you guys, I've gotten permission for. But this is somebody outside of me and HIPAA and what have you. But this person was ill. And I went and was with them a lot during that time. And I remember speaking to the person that was closest to them, and I just came home one day because it looked great. It looked grave. And I said, they're not gonna die. They're gonna make it. And the person just kind of looked at me. I said, You gotta trust me because I know how this feeling is coming to me. And they did. Those are just my little stories about presents, but there's I have a thousand of them. I there's just so many, many, many stories about presence. But I want to get into why it's powerful because sometimes we need to know, well, why am I doing this? What is this all about, baby? Because when we are presence, it can't present, it can actually deepen our connections. Let me unpack this a little bit. People can feel it when you're really with them. When you're not checking your phone, you're not waiting to speak, you're not somewhere else in your mind. True presence with somebody, it's energy. They know it, they feel it. And they start to trust you. If they don't already, they trust if they already do, they trust you more. It softens conflict. Just that presence of sitting there with somebody while they're sharing with you something that they're unhappy about. Instead of knee-jerk responding, it just creates space. And it also invites authenticity. It literally gives the message to somebody that you matter to me. The second thing is that it can amplify leadership. Why is that true? Well, maybe you can go back into your head to someone in your life that was in a leadership position with you and know the ones that were in this space and the ones that weren't. Because great leaders are often described as having quote unquote presence. It's a quiet energy. It's like a gravitational pull that draws people to them. They feel the power, they feel your presence, they feel your groundedness. And this is not about charisma or dominating a room, it's just about being grounded. It's about deeply listening, it's about responding instead of reacting. Presence helps give you words. And it helps you to navigate tough situations more effectively. Again, I can I can vouch for this because in those moments where I was ultimately present, words came. Tone was correct. I received guidance from universe. Sometimes things just flew flowed through me as a conduit rather than having to think or plan. And I've been through some fair really difficult times, really difficult times with my children and things that they were experiencing. And I remember with each time that I was in that present moment, it worked. It worked out and it worked out quickly. The next thing is that it can awaken creativity. One might not know this, because when we're fully present, we're not looping on the past or worrying about the future. The stillness creates space for new ideas to emerge. Artists, writers, problem solvers, inventors, scientists often find their breakthroughs not in the frantic moments of trying to figure things out, but in moments of deep focused presence. I know Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about this a lot, that he often gets great ideas and the next best steps to, I guess, recording the experience that people are having at his retreats and et cetera, through these meditation practices. And he says I I a lot of those downloads come during meditation, but also when he's in presence. So here's a great example, and one most of us know about that Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree in the 1660s. That's a long time ago. He saw an apple fall. And that sparked his curiosity about why things fall to the ground. Why does everything fall down and not sideways or up? And this present moment eventually led to his formulation of the law of gravitation. Isn't that fascinating? Because he was in that moment. You guys know also what flow state is. Most of us know what flow state is. We're so grounded in the present moment that things just flow out of us. As I wrote both my books in that state. And if I wasn't in that state because of external things that were going on, I didn't write. So I'd wait until I get got back into that flow state. The next thing is it heals. Presence heals? What? Presence is the foundation of any healing, physical, emotional, or relational. Sometimes sitting with your own discomfort without running from it, or sitting with someone else in their discomfort or pain without fixing it is the most powerful thing we can do. This presence communicates to the person you're not alone and this moment is survivable. I've gone through some things in my life where I had people, I'll give you an example. My brother, Cool Beans, he would just send me a voice memo, send me a text, send me just checking in, check it in, check it in, check it in. I've done the same with him. And other people have done that too with me, and I have with others as well. And it's in that checking in that even though you're not even with them physically, you're saying, I'm there, my love is there, my energy is going towards you. You're not alone. All right, and the last thing, and probably one of my favorite, is that it brings peace. Anxiety is birthed in fearing and rooming about, ruminating about the future. It's what-ifing. It's creating scenarios, worst-case scenarios oftentimes. It's also in stories about what could happen or what already has. Presence cuts through it like a butter through room t or like a knife through room temperature butter. Even if the moment is hard, it's rarely as unbearable as the thoughts about the moment. Presence brings you back to now. Something that's real. Like I said, I explained that situation with my daughter in the hospital many, many years ago. She's thirty one now. And I remember just being with the now. And since then, back at the College of Kristen, 2009, 10, 11, somewhere in there. I was in so much anxiety. It was undescribable. It was undescribable. So much so that I was driving down the road one day and the left upper lip of my face started to curl up. Like a little Elvis, little sneer type thing. Like and I could feel it. It just lifted up on its own. And I was like, I looked in the mirror, I was like, what is happening to me? What is happening to me? And I realized, girl, you gotta get this anxiety under control. One of my favorite stories is I tell this one a lot because it was so profound to me. Is I had just pulled up at my mother and stepfather's house that we were staying at and my anxiety was off the charts. Just you guys know if you've had it, it's jittery, it's it's it's it's crunchy, it's pokey, it's terrible. And I was grabbing my stuff from my car to go into my mom's house. So I you know, I had my water bottle and probably my lunchbox. I used to make my lunch and bring it to work, and my this and my that, and my hands were full, and I was like just vibrating. And I thought, where are your feet? And she had a gravel driveway, part of it was circular driveway that was gravel, and I just listened to the crunching of my feet on the driveway as I was walking. All I allowed myself self to focus on was the sounds I was hearing and what my feet felt like walking across that gravel. I kid you not. By the time I reached the door, my anxiety was gone. Now, of course, our thoughts can create it and it can come back again, but in that moment, my nervous system regulated because I was in the pure present moment. That's it. The only thing that mattered right now was going from the car to the door and listening to my feet. Because oftentimes we're trying to control. We want to control everything, and in that control, we're out of presence. Okay, this is strange, you guys. It says I have one guest, and I have actually three. So let's get moving through this queue and see what you guys have to share. Kareem, welcome up. Thank you for joining me.

Karim 22:49

Hey Kristen, how are you?

Kristen 22:50

I'm doing great. Thanks for coming.

Karim 22:52

My pleasure. Great, great hearing you, as always. Um on the entire time because I want to give people time to talk. But you always have these amazing uh super relevant concepts here, and and uh it it it struck a chord because about I may have told you this already, and I may have even done a small talk on this, but about a year and a half ago, I changed my tagline on like a variety of social media things like LinkedIn and whatever to this one line, which was making the journey the destination. And uh it was funny because I I I thought of it and I was like, oh, that's kind of clever, and you know, I it was almost like more of a cool little play on words, but then the more I read it, the more I was like, you know, that's probably like my mantra on how I should be living, because the actual purpose of the journey is really fundamentally where you are at that point, exactly what you're saying. And we get so wrapped up in this endless, sort of vicious cycle of the next phase of something, and once we get there, and that's what begets this anxiety that you're talking about, at least for a lot of people and myself. And I think what's so fascinating is that the anxiety begets other anxiety. It's so ironic that if you just stop the cycle and you did what you did with the gravel driveway you just finished telling us about, which is an incredibly clever method, because if you just distract yourself, breathing is the same thing, it's the most primal thing you can do. And if you can just get yourself back centered into a place going, I'm completely riddling myself into a place that's not you know worthy of my time, my effort. It's completely skewing everything that's real. And um if you can somehow we lost audio for a second, yeah, you're good. You did yeah, so really fundamentally that that's just what you said was so relevant because you you embodied exactly that tagline. You just literally made the journey the actual destination. You were there at that moment, that's all that really counts. You have no idea what's next. Um, you're really not in control of what's next, and you just have to let that be. And that's a big part of it.

Kristen 25:01

Yeah, you know, Dr. Joe, I don't know if you follow Dr. Joe Dispenza, but he calls it the generous present moment. Isn't that awesome? The generous present moment because when we're in that space, what happens? We're connected. Yeah, ideas come, we heal, right? We don't heal the future, we're healing now.

Karim 25:24

Right. Right, exactly. And and I think that that's what's so fascinating is that somehow there's this, and I I think it's founded in some level of materialism where people believe that the future is inevitably going to be a better place than they are now. It's just this strange, weird concept that everything in the future is gonna be better than what it is now, and this is just bad, therefore we need to get there. It's not the case. It's really, really a misperception. Um and it's perpetuated. I mean, unfortunately, the world, the media, and everything else kind of tends to feed us this notion. If you have a headache and you take this pill, it'll go.

Kristen 26:03

Mm-hmm. Oh, we lost you again.

Karim 26:05

It is about your present moment. Sorry, I'm probably losing you here. No, we got you back. Okay, keep going. Sorry, I won't stay on too long because I'm I'm in the middle of nowhere in the Emirates, so that's part of my problem with the connection.

Kristen 26:18

You're very, very clear, and it's not robot it, it just like cuts like just cuts out. Yeah, kind of like when you get a call in here. Yeah, but man, you're bringing it, Kareem. Thank you.

Karim 26:28

My pleasure. I'm gonna hop off. I may try to come back, but I'm gonna keep on listening. You're awesome as always, Kristen. Keep it going.

Kristen 26:34

Thank you, brother. Appreciate you. So are you? And I just want to invite everybody to definitely don't hesitate. Run, don't, run, don't walk to follow Kareem. And you can do that by clicking on the number of people in the room, I believe on your screen, it's in the upper right-hand corner. And scroll down till you see his name. Set up a clap, Kareem, so they can find you. So you'll be at the top and give Kareem a follow. He gives talks here. He's a very, very busy guy, but he gives talks here as well. And we met on the predecessor app before Noom Vibe. And uh, let me tell you something, always delivers beautiful and incredible speaker. Articulate, like, oh god, Kareem. I want to grow up and talk like you. All right, you guys. We have somebody else who has entered, so we're gonna go ahead and pop up. Jennifer. Thank you, Jennifer, for joining me. Hi Hello there.

Jennifer 27:30

How are you?

Kristen 27:32

I'm doing great. How are you? It's great to hear from you.

Jennifer 27:35

Yeah, it's good to hear you too. Um this this is this hits home a lot. I I wish that I could say that that I'm super intentional and super focused on practicing presence, um, especially like in ways of um, oh, like meditation or being still or being quiet. But I think lately, Kristen, I I have I I've been, I don't know if this makes sense, I've been forced into practicing presence a bit, which is good because those those times like that can can teach me. And I I don't remember, it's been a long time since I've been on here. I've I've been away kind of for a little bit dealing with the loss of my mother-in-law. We were taking care of her, um, helping with the nursing home. She had dementia, and she did pass. We were told she she was almost 91. She would have been 91 on September the 6th, but we were told that it could be like three months to six months, and she passed before three months even came. And I think we were actually shocked because she's always been like the unsinkable Molly Brown. She's beat so many odds. And I really think we all thought, even though if she went today, she had the best life. She got to have children and grandchildren and had more friends than I think anybody I know. And um, I mean, she had a great life, but I still think she was so much the the matriarch and and so much of the joy of our family. I mean, she was really a character, she was really a hoot. But when we realized that the dementia was so advanced back oh, about three or four months ago, my husband and I decided that we needed to be physically present with her more. Okay, and so one of the things I wanted to throw out to you and even kind of ask you and just kind of get talk back is I I think do you think there are so many, like you've got that middle piece of the mobile that is pure, sweet, perfect, still present. But then all around it, you've got these pieces that are whirling around that are like you there's some required presence, there's some presence that comes through tragedy, there's some, you know, there's so many levels of it. And my my presence with we called her grandmama, my mother-in-law. My presence with grandmama at first was somewhat obligational. And I'm, you know, if you remember me at all from our last talk, I'm very candid. Somewhat obligational, physical, but as I spent time with her, she let me know in her own way. It was so sweet. I cherished this so much, Kristen. She let me know, even without really being able to talk and verbalize, that would I just need for you to sit here. And she would take my hand, just sit here. It it forced me. I'm terrible at being still. I talk a lot, I'm a busybody, literally busy. Um, I'm a doer, I'm a server. But uh, it finally, those last couple of weeks of her life, I was there almost every day from the time the lunch tray would come around until we would get her all tucked in at night. Um, and it evolved, Kristen. The presence evolved from she doesn't need a thing. Her body's literally leaving this earth. It's leaving. She does not need, she did not want food, she did not want really anything, Kristen. But every now and then she would take my hand or whoever walked in the room, whatever nurse, whatever, she would muster out somehow. I don't know how she did it at the same time. But she'd say, I love you. Of course, the nurses were like, I love you, Miss Mary. Yeah, we love you too, Mary, you know. But if she didn't get hang out, it was I love you, her. So I got to learn to be very still. Man, it was like, it was like, I don't know what to compare it to. It's just not something I'm good at.

Kristen 32:26

Oh, come on back. Come on back, Jennifer. You timed out. Let's let's hear the rest of this story. We will wait for you, Jennifer. You know, I'm just what I'm hearing right now about Miss Mary is that Mary was love while she was here and she was going out as love. She was going out, still throwing the love around. Yes, please continue, Jennifer.

Jennifer 32:49

Absolutely did go out with love, but but I'll tell you, I I learned. I I really, I mean, I might as well have been in a classroom. I learned a lot about, I mean, nowhere near have I arrived, okay? I cannot say that on anything. But uh I really got the opportunity to to learn to just be there. Just be there. And and I I know at times my mind would think about everything that was piling up at my house. I mean, with two dogs and a cat, all the pet hair, and I mean, just it's just always crazy at my house. Um, but after she passed, and she passed earlier than we thought, and I got home, I I just realized none of that mattered. It did not amount to all the means. And I did not even try to attack it when I got home either. The normally I would have dove in and started cleaning and washing all the doggy blankets and blah blah blah. But then I had to be present with my loss and my thoughts and my missing. It just it's just been a crazy experience. And I gotta be honest, I never dreamed I would love my mother-in-law as much as I ended up loving her. And and nothing else mattered. And I think my question for you, I guess what I would love for you to speak to is uh is it's like there's different levels of presence. There, and there are words like control, focus, intent, um, let go. There are so many things that play into us being able to actually be present. It doesn't just mean being there and holding someone's hand and listening, it's like mind, body, and soul and letting everything that is about you fly out the window.

Kristen 35:00

So, what is the question exactly?

Jennifer 35:02

Well, I mean, the question is uh just do you think? I mean, when you talk about presence, like what exactly are are you talking about? What what is the be all end all for you as you share this? The ultimate presence, what does that look like for you?

Kristen 35:23

It's being here now. I'm with my eyes are shut, sitting on the floor of my office, leaning up against a chair with listening to you. I am fully immersed in this now moment. I can be fully immersed in putting on my dog's cone because he's licking his foot a lot. I can be fully immersed in doing the dishes. I can be fully immersed in writing a newsletter. That's all it is. There's no levels to presence, there's levels to things going on around us, but presence is just now, is being here now, fully immersed in the present moment.

Jennifer 36:00

Okay, gotcha. Because I I really I I know it may sound really um uh childish or simplistic, but but this is a talk that I haven't ever heard. And and I and my mind is going in all kinds of directions in terms of what what does that look like? Is it meditation? Is it I mean I felt like for me, like with my mother-in-law, it was pushing everything else out, and and it was just her. You were there, it was me and her. You were there, but it was her.

Kristen 36:43

So consider like you're going down some slippery steps outside, it had you know, the ice it's icy, and you're holding onto the rail and you're very much paying attention to each step you're you're you're making going down the stairs. That's presence. It's just be it's just being here now. There's no magic, there's no fancy thing. Yeah, we can be present in meditation, we can be present with watching a TV show, we can be present with listening to a lecture. It's any times we're in now and not in the past or future. Because, like you said, you get a great example, Jennifer. You said at first when I was sitting there, all these lists are going on, of course, because the brain's doing what the brain does. But you said eventually you just started to be there with her. That's it.

Jennifer 37:29

Well, uh, I think I I definitely connect with what you were saying about the anxiety. Um, and I do have anxiety disorder. And when you push all the other stuff out.

Kristen 37:41

Mm-hmm. Come back, Jennifer. You timed out. Come on back, and there's no one in the queue. If you can, if you have the time and you are able to. There she is. Okay, I'll give her another round because um I really enjoy what Jennifer's saying, and I hope this is impactful for you guys as well. And no, there's zero, zero judgment from Kristen Brown ever about where anybody's at on their journey.

Jennifer 38:06

Well, thank you. It it really is more of a of a I'm I'm trying to understand this, but um I um I think Noom Vibe has opened up a lot for me. It it really has opened up a lot of new ways of thinking, and and I'm so grateful for it because of how it uh it helps with the anxiety. But with the the presence, I can see where it it can push out some of the anxiety. Yes. Even in a tragedy, you know, I remember taking my grown adult son who was actually having a serious reaction to marijuana. If anybody else has ever heard of cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome.

Kristen 38:55

Wow, never.

Jennifer 38:56

Oh wow, it's it's crazy. Uh it's literally kind of like uh an allergy reaction. Your body builds up, uh, it it becomes intolerant to THC. Yeah, I'm driving my son to the emergency room and he thinks he's having a heart attack. Well, in the midst of that, and I know you can relate with your daughter, I've I pretty much feel like I'm about to have a heart attack, but it's an anxiety attack, a panic attack, and I'm not able to put my feet on the ground, um, but I've got my foot on the pedal, I've got one arm on him, and I'm saying, breathe.

Kristen 39:29

Well, that's it.

Jennifer 39:31

We're getting there, we're almost there, you're okay, you're with me, we're okay. We're almost there. Breathe. I mean, what do you do? What can you do? And and I almost feel like maybe present some of that is what else is there but that second?

Kristen 39:50

That's right.

Jennifer 39:52

What what else is there but that second? You you don't you can't do anything else but with that second, is that

Kristen 40:02

Okay. That was you. That was you bringing him out of, oh my God, I'm having a heart attack. I'm gonna die. This and that. You pulled him into breathe, be here now, focus on my voice. You know, we'll see this in movies a lot too, where people start to spin out and we just bring them into the present moment. We don't. The characters bring the person into the present moment. Breathing, look at my eyes, you know, feel my hands, whatever it might be. Yes, that's just bringing someone out of the future and into now. That's exactly what you did, Jennifer. And how interesting that you knew how to do that. A woman who claims that she doesn't know what presence is, you know, or did hadn't. You internally knew what to do.

Jennifer 40:51

But see, that's part of the question here. That's part of kind of my dilemma, I guess, if you will. That's probably not the right word. Is I'm great at being present, like or being there in tragedy. I I've had a lot of it, and I don't mean to sound like well it's me. I have too. Yeah, I've heard that with you, so I think you can relate.

Kristen 41:10

Yep.

Jennifer 41:11

I've had a lot of it. I've had a lot of hard hits, and I'm pretty good at responding to that. At being present, but but what I'm not good at is when someone just needs for you to sit with them, to be with them, or you can't do anything else. It's the being still, it's the listening and not feeling like you have to advise. It's uh it's it's it's that moment, it's the still presence where I have a lot of room to grow.

Kristen 41:49

You know, well, you said you you know, I'm not there yet, maybe not yet, but you're aware of it. And you also said that you have a lot of anxiety. Well, it's very, very hard to be presence when you're in that anxious feeling. Yes, but it's the presence that gets you out of the anxious feeling. I can't wait to see what happens with you after this conversation going forward, because I think this is a puzzle, a piece to your puzzle that you didn't even know about. And I I think you've just been given a tool that's gonna really change things for you.

Jennifer 42:29

I I think it really is, and that's a good way to put it. You you just sort of brought out a tool uh that I'm you know, I'm like the caveman standing there probably looking at a hammer.

Kristen 42:41

You know, you're so adorable.

Jennifer 42:47

Oh man. Thanks, guys, for sharing Kristen with me. I'm sorry.

Kristen 42:53

No sorries, ever no sorries. Thank you, Jennifer. What an impactful three visits. As you guys know, setting up the loves and claps. That was a very impactful three visits here on my stage because and I could feel it. I could feel we're in a flow here and there's no one in the queue. If I had like five people in the queue, I probably would have had to cut her short. No one's in the queue. Let's just see where this goes. Let me be present with this conversation. And I do my best to be present in every single one of my noon vibe talks. There has been times where something crappy happens three minutes before I'm supposed to get on, or one hour before. And I'm like, I will not squander, exploit, I don't know what it is. You're the the fact that you guys are here with me. And I have did I have done some deep breathing, I have done some kundalini breathing, I have marched in place, I have done brushing, I have done things before to get into presence here. So no matter what is happening in my world, I'm like, heck to the no, am I bringing that to my numers? There's no way. And I do because my presence with you is what connects us. I've have you guys, I'm sure you've done this before. You're listening or you're talking to somebody else, and you hear they're they're typing on their keyboard, or they're just going, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, while you're talking and it's completely out of time with what you're saying. It's it's not in the right spaces. There's been times where I've just stopped talking. And then there's this dead silence because the person is just so immersed in what they were doing on the other end of the phone or in pre in person. I sat there and they're just there, they go. I'm like, wow. They're just not they don't even know I stopped talking. And it's not a judgment because I understand that space, because guess who's been in that space before? You guessed it. The other the I don't know. A while back I was going through something extremely stressful. My son and I went to the grocery store. I asked him a question, and I am driving, but I'm also in my head, and he goes, Mom, yes, you just asked me that question. I said, No, I didn't. He goes, No, you that's it, you asked me that question two times in a row. And I just looked at him shocked. Because I did not remember asking it twice. And I said, Honey, I am so sorry. I am in my head right now. He goes, I know, I know. He goes, it's okay, you don't have to apologize. And I was like, all right, well, I you know, I pride myself on being present, but sometimes I'm not either. You know, are we a hundred percent with this stuff all the time? No, we just do our very best, we work towards it, but sometimes things get heavy and dense, it takes up mind thought, we get to worrying, it happens. That was weird. I don't know what's going on here. It says two people. Rachel, are you there?

Rachel 46:02

Yes, I'm here.

Kristen 46:03

Oh girl, this is weird. I still have the number two with a circle around it, and and you're not there at all. There's no picture or anything. Crazy. Something is going on hook the app today. Would you do me a favor? Because I do want to see your picture.

Rachel 46:17

Yes.

Kristen 46:18

Can you yeah, click out? Click out and come back. Come back. Let's see if we can get this. Okay, you there?

Rachel 46:25

Yeah, I'm here.

Kristen 46:26

All right, I get your equalizer. Not not a picture, but that's cool. That's cool. Hi, Rachel. Hi.

Rachel 46:32

Oh, and you'd love the picture too. It has Jackson in it. Oh, hopefully it'll pop up by the end of the talk. Jennifer said something that triggered something with me. She said, I'm present, I've really been present with all the tragedies. And I thought, but those are what help us grow in our presence now. I mean, being in my early 20s, or somewhere in my 20s, when my dad died, I was a scatterbrained college kid. I was all over the map, like with classes and dates and just everything. And the tragedy made me slow down. And ever since that, I mean, it was sudden and unexpected. But then it made you realize all we have is now. And I have worked so hard on being present since then.

Kristen 47:28

Yeah.

Rachel 47:28

And like being the awesome auntie I am. I've always got kiddos most of the time. And when the girls were little, they'd be like, we'd be in the middle of like playing mini golf, and the youngest one would be like, What are we doing next? I'm like, baby girl, stop. Enjoy the mini golf. And then I'll tell you what we're doing next. Be here. Do this. There's always something next, but it was just like, enjoy this. And sometimes I still tell myself, wait, take your own advice, stop. Enjoy what you're doing now. Be here now. And sometimes when I get too much in my head, I go hang out with, well, Jackson's the youngest, or the cats, or because it's funny, animals and kids are always usually in the now. They bring you to the now because it's just such a good moment to be in. And they're so pure. They are. They slow you down, and you're like, okay, right now I'm going to sit and watch this crazy cat slap around a half a plastic Easter egg. Because that's where I'm at. And it's great. And then you can say, okay, I'm I'm here with her, and I'm slowing down, and I'll deal with everything else in a minute. But right now I just want to enjoy this crazy cat where Jackson is telling stories about all his marbles that he has named and what they're doing and who is who and where they're going. And it's like I've learned to sit the phone down, and not even have the phone in my hand if I'm with the kids and be like, you know what? They're gonna grow up, and the marbles will lose their stories, and they're gonna be in college, and it's a now moment. Take your now moments. Yeah, but I think the tragedies we go through bring us more present. They prepare us for these moments. Because you realize how short life is and how much presence matters to enjoy what you got.

Kristen 49:44

They certainly can. They certainly can. Not maybe not all people would pick that up like you and I have, but we did. And I think it does come from sudden and unexpected like that. It's that's just like a such a slap to the head, slap to the heart, slap to the what we thought was safe and real. Exactly. You know, and now all of a sudden we're like, oh my God. Yeah. And I also think, Rachel, that rare rarely, thinking back to what Jennifer was saying, she was saying how even when she got home from caring for grandmama, she said, I didn't rush to clean the dog and cat blankets, et cetera, et cetera. She goes, you know, what used to be so high-level priority to her changed priorities. And that's how I tend to flow daily now. It's like, oh yeah, I do want to clean the bathroom, but it doesn't have to happen this second. I'll get to it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like it's all good. It's all good. There's there's no 911 about vacuuming my office. No, I don't want to live like that anymore. Your picture came up, and that is precious. What a smile that boy has. Oh my, oh my gosh, I can see why. He's darling. Oh, we got the mute on you, Rachel. I don't know if you got a call. Let's just wait a second to see if we're gonna get Rachel back. If not, yep, looks like she might be dealing with a call. So we're gonna go ahead and bring up my next guest, who is Stephen. Thank you, Rachel. That was such a beautiful and purposeful share. I appreciate your wisdom sharing that experience with us because that was not an easy time for Rachel. Hey, Steven.

Steven 51:25

So you hadn't uh I haven't ever thought about this when you're speaking, but you were talking about just buzzing from anxiety, and I was thinking, I wonder, and then somebody else mentioned the two words, and I'm like, oh, I gotta ask you this. Because I don't know what they're like, but I've heard. So, what does a panic attack feel like? Have you had one?

Kristen 51:50

Oh, have I had a panic attack? I I don't know. Oh, you know what? I think I did have one when I was flying once. I felt like I felt claustrophobic and like I couldn't get out, even if I wanted to. And then it was just like literally a wave that came up from my legs up through my head where I didn't do it, but I just felt like screaming, like you're in sheer panic. And I remember that feeling happening, and and I'm not afraid of flying, you guys. That's not it. This was something different. And I was like, oh my gosh, but you know what I did? I got present. I put on a little weird headphones that they had with some elevator music in it, and I forced myself to, I told, I told my mom, I think I'm having a panic attack. I never had one, I don't even know if that was one, but I think it was. And I put on my those headphones that they give you, and I just listened to elevator music, and I just said, You need to tend to whatever the kids need. They were old enough to sit on their own, but it's like tend to whatever they need, I have to focus. And I got out of it just by presence.

Steven 52:59

Okay. The reason I ask is because from um I know my ex has had them. She had two or three of them before she left, and then she proceeded to have them afterwards to the point that everybody thinks they're a heart attack. She went to a heart specialist clinic in our area, and the the copay was $800. So I'm thinking they did the full stress test and everything, and I've never been verbally or any other way told about this. The way I know is at the time uh she wasn't working, and so she was on my insurance, and I they send the um you know the benefit statement to my email address, and I was like, What are all these things for Iowa heart on, Aaron? What's going on? And chatted with my counselor, and she probably she put the dots together. She's yeah, she was probably having panic attacks, just never told you.

Kristen 54:06

Hmm.

Steven 54:07

And I'm not sure.

Kristen 54:09

Mine wasn't physical. I didn't have like heart things like that. It was just like, and I'm sure I'm assuming it might be different for everyone. But mine was like a wave of panic out of nowhere. And I had was going through something really stressful in my life at that time. So I think because I'd never had anything on a plane ever, ever. So I think that claustrophobic feeling, what just maybe it was warm on the plane too when I got on there, just kind of ignited the whole thing. And then I had it a couple times afterwards, and I was afraid to fly. I was like, Oh God, I can't have this feeling happen. But I started to approach it ahead of time, just being super, super present, and then it stopped happening.

Steven 54:53

I think my job keeps me present because if you're not paying attention to what's in front on either side of you, uh things can happen, and uh, you know, during your talk, I'm like, oh well, if I'm checking all this stuff, then I have to be present here because I can't really do that. Not that's right being present.

Kristen 55:16

Cool. That's right.

Steven 55:18

Achieve something didn't know it.

Kristen 55:21

Yeah. That was one of the examples I was gonna use is is driving. But they have oh really well, I'm sure everybody can relate to this that sometimes we can drive from point A to point B. Let's see if let's see the claps, guys. We've all done this. We've just we've driven from point A to point B and don't remember driving there. That's not presence. Okay. We're just yeah, every come on, let's be real. We've all done it. Yep, everybody's clapping, right? We're like, how did I even get here? Steven drives a big rig, 18 wheeler. I think sometimes with double trailers, too, is what I heard. You gotta be present, man. You gotta be paying so close attention. So probably, I'm not gonna say probably, you said you are, and I believe you. Yeah, interesting. So that's one of the ways I was saying that we can practice present, is like I'm turning on my indicator. I see the car in the behind me. I see the light is turning yellow. Like just being now. That's it. All right, so real quickly, I'm just gonna touch on ways that we can cultivate presence, although we've kind of gone through a lot of it here. One of the ways is to breathe consciously, like Kareem talked about in the beginning. It is one of the most powerful ways to get present is to just focus on your breathing. It's it's something that I do before bed every night. I'll be laying in bed and my brain's going and it's thinking and it's planning and it's doing and it's all the things. And I'll let it do it for a little bit because I don't really have a lot of chance to do just free thinking like that. And then I say, okay, we're done. And I focus on my breathing. I just get right here right now. I often have a little mantra that's so S-O-H-U-M-So-hum. I inhale so. As I'm inhaling, I think so in my head. As I'm exhaling, I say home, hum. And that so hum means I am that, meaning I am universe, I am God, I am source, I'm part of all of it. That's what so hum means in Sanskrit, I believe. So anyway, I so hum my way to sleep most of the time. But presence, you know, like uh who was it? Was it Jennifer? Yeah. Jennifer said that she said to her son, breathe. I'm here with you. She was bringing him out of the ethers and into the present. She was pulling him right back down to earth and grounding him. Right? Breathing, huge. Another way we can practice presence is to put down the distractions, literally and mentally. Like, what are you doing? Is it your phone? Is it your rushing around? Is it your list? Oftentimes to stay in presence, I will make a list because I notice I'm not present when the list is in my head. As soon as I write it all down, it's gone and I'm back into presence. And when I finish with whatever, I go to my list and like, oh, okay, now here's the next thing that I'm gonna spend presence with. And trust me, I can be that person that, especially now that I have a Mac and my phone's connected to my Mac, because before I used to have PC, but I switched over and you know, everything's on there. So it's like, oh, here's an email, oh, here's a I don't know, all the things, a text, all these things. And so I can find myself jumping around, or oh, I was gonna post that video, but here's this and this. I can just jump all over the all over the place. So I thought, no, this just keeps me in kind of a frenetic space, and I just don't like it. And that's the cool thing about presence is once you've practiced it for quite some time, there's going to be this huge polarity when you're not, you're gonna feel it. And it may take a couple times for you to say, well, that was presence, and this is non-presence. I don't like the way that this feels. So let me try to get back to presence. Another one could be to feel your body. Your presence is anchored in the body. Be here now. What's going on? What's your body feeling? I recently had someone say to me they paid attention to a body tell and they said, I've never done that in my life. This person's in their 50s, I believe. They recognized a body tail and they said, I've never done that. And I was like, right on. Practice mindfulness. Um to me, mindfulness means being intentional, it means being here now, it means being conscious, right? Sitting, sitting, getting out of the nervous system motive that I have to solve everything now and getting into let's see what presents, not only in form to me, like what someone says or what something happens, but let me also be in presence so I can feel intuitively my way through this situation. It's all about to me, it's being really intentional with the mundane tasks. So, you know, washing the dishes. One of the big things I did when I started practicing this probably 20 years ago, I was like, I'm doing the dishes now. The water is warm. There's a piece of cheese on the plate. I'm gonna scrape off this piece of cheese with my fingernail. Oh, look, there's a lot of stuff in the sink. Let me rinse that down into the disposal. Is that it? Not worrying about all the other things I had to do, just staying right now with the dishes. I do it in the shower. I'm washing my hair. I'm making sure I'm getting over here. I'm making sure I'm getting over there. Let me shave. Women, you know, if you're shaving not presents, we often cut ourselves and nick ourselves. So now I'm like super present when I'm shaving. All right, you guys. I'm going to bring up uh one last guest. Christy is in the queue. We're gonna bring up Christy and see what Christy has to share about this.

Kristi 1:00:56

I guess what I wanted to add to the being present is I've had such a fear of the future with death of my farm animals, my pets, my loved ones. So I know that if I get intentional with the presence, it helps slow down things so I don't worry about the future and really enjoy that very moment that I do have the gift of my loved ones or the gift of my pets. And so that really helps keep me geared in the positive and enjoying that very moment because we don't know if we have tomorrow. And it's I realize that I try to control all that, and that is so out of my control. So I'm trying really hard to see, I am being more present right now and enjoying every single minute I have right now. Whether it's doing chores, around the farm, driving. I unfortunately, I still am having some road rage when I'm driving. So that I guess maybe that is making me more present. I just need to really be focused on gonna get there safely. There may be some people that are not driving accordingly to how I feel it should be. So, because like we said, you always say we're all the walk walking wounded, and they are dealing with something right now, and they have something that they're maybe having to get on work on time. So I try really hard to be forgiving on people that are driving kind of aggressively crazy right on you.

Kristen 1:02:38

So I'm I do you have road rage, Christy, or just judgment? It's a little bit of a difference.

Kristi 1:02:46

Okay, probably because I'm kind of like swearing under my breath. Like, and it's usually, come on, dude. You need to drive simpler, you need to, yeah, so it's probably more judgment than that.

Kristen 1:02:55

Road rage.

unknown 1:02:56

Okay.

Kristi 1:02:58

I do I drop the F bomb every once in a while. So is that road rage?

Kristen 1:03:02

Yeah, come on, dude. Here's here's what I think, Christy. Because when you said road rage, I was like, I can't see you aggressively driving through traffic, flipping people off, cutting people off. You know, that's road rage. That's like really road rage. I was like, I don't think so, because road rage is often rooted in unexpressed anger. Okay. But I, you know, I can be in the most placid mood and someone does something and I'm like, come on, man, what, you know, or something. But it doesn't mean I hate them, I'm angry, I want to be mad at them, you know, but I have noticed the days that I am out of presence that I feel more crunchy in my heart. I feel more restricted in my heart when I'm noticing that. And the days that I am super present, I don't even really, it doesn't even bother. Like I don't even consciously, unless it was scary. If it was a scary thing, not just someone being an idiot, then that's different. But for most part, it's just I just don't even attach to it, any of it.

Kristi 1:04:05

Yeah. Yeah, that's that's probably more the the direction that I go. And I I'm trying and I'm always present in that I know that we're going to get there safely because I'm transporting my loved beloved bird and pets with me and me. And I try really hard not to be distracted because of distracted driving. Definitely, I'm sure Steve can attest to it.

Kristen 1:04:29

Can oh gosh.

Kristi 1:04:32

Yeah.

Kristen 1:04:32

So I'm sure he's seen a lot.

Kristi 1:04:34

Oh, I'm sure he has. I'm sure he has. So, but I guess it is being in the present though, eh?

Kristen 1:04:42

Well, yeah, I mean, if you're because you you do have your precious babies on board, I'm sure you're very careful driving and very present when you're driving because you don't want to risk anything happening to them. And that's when, not that I I was never really a speeder, but I really slowed down and the the speed limit was super, super conscious, super present when I started having kids. Because I was like, I don't want anything happening in this car. So I was, you know, where I might have been more of a distracted driver in my youth, I wasn't anymore. And my kids make fun of me, my son, especially, you know, the way I drive. And I said, honey, what you just we'll talk when you have kids. Let's just leave it at that.

Kristi 1:05:24

That's funny. I can relate to that, definitely. So, anywho, I just wanted to share that and just say hi to everybody. And boy, everybody you're having coming up, Kristen, is just fantabulous. They're so nice to listen to. And I think Julie said I really like to, I do like to participate on the call.

Kristen 1:05:45

Like to listen. Yeah, Julie said that yesterday. Well, my clock says 1111, and I think that's a great time to end this talk today. So thank you for being here. I appreciate you. Like I said, I see you, you warrior. I see you doing the things. I'm super proud of you. Be so proud of yourself. Give yourself a big hug, a pat on the back, a high five. Kiss your own hand. I don't care. Tell yourself how amazing you are. And I will see you here tomorrow for another episode of Empower Hour with KP, live exclusively on Nume Vibe. Bye, everybody.