Crashing Out is OPTIONAL - Reclaim Your Calm Now

If feeling calm feels like a distant memory, if anxiety, fear, snapping, overthinking, or that wired-but-tired feeling has become your norm, survival mode has likely become your default, and it’s starting to feel like part of who you are. 

Many people come to accept this state as “normal”  When survival mode has been your baseline long enough, it starts to feel like part of your personality, like "this is just how I am."

But it isn’t who you are. It’s a nervous system that hasn’t felt safe enough to settle. Calm isn’t something you’ve lost; it's something your body hasn’t been supported to access yet. 

As your system regulates, everyday life changes in noticeable ways. This is the quiet power of regulation. It doesn’t make life perfect, but it makes it manageable. It gives you access to presence, resilience, and choice. When your body knows it’s safe, you don’t just feel calmer. You live differently. Ready to reclaim your calm? LISTEN NOW ✨

For FREE Resources, Book Link, Quizzes, Self-Love Merch Shop, 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Chapters:
00:00 Opening
01:21 Biological and physiological shifts
02:46 Improves mental health
03:40 Improves cognitive function
03:55 Improves resilience
04:07 Improves quality of life
08:49 What everyday life looks like when we're calm
26:01 Guest One: Imani
32:09 Guest Two: Queenbdivine
39:09 Guest Three: Steven
45:57 Technique One: Deep breathing
46:22 Technique Two: Movement
47:27 Technique Three: Sensory grounding
48:49 Technique Four: Vagus nerve stimulation
50:01 Technique Five: Crying
50:45 Technique Six: Sleep
52:26 Technique Seven: Nature
53:51 Technique Eight: Social connection
55:52 Technique Nine: Hydration and nutrition

Transcript

Kristen 0:00

Today, we're going to be talking about reclaiming your calm. And this conversation is going to be all about calming the nervous system. I really wanted to go into the ins and outs of this and why it's so incredibly important because I feel many of us are just functioning from a state of fight-flight, and we don't even really know it because we may have been doing it for so long, or it seems functional, or it seems normal, because it's what we've experienced for so long. We don't really understand that there's another place that we can be in. And I'm a person who experienced this firsthand when I was actually, after I went through my tsunami, really started doing deep breathing and all kinds of things to calm my nervous system because I knew I was just a wreck. My body was just losing its mind. I started to get the benefits of this. And it didn't only show up in one way. And I'm going to talk about those in a bit, how it actually started to show up in my everyday life. I really started to research this and look into this because I was like, there is something to this. And then it made me reflect back on my history about how many times that I had probably been in a state of flight-flight and didn't even realize it. And had been living that way for quite some time. Okay. So basically, what happens when we calm our nervous system? We are shifting from fight-flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system, to the rest and digest, which is the parasympathetic nervous system. So the body will shift from a state of threat to a state of safety. And there are biological and physiological shifts that happened. Now I researched this section because I wanted to just say biological. And then I thought, well, what is physiological and what is the big difference? And I did learn this in college when I was in nursing school, when I was doing my the courses that I needed, my biology, my physiology, and all those type of things. And I thought, you know what, I really want to know what the huge difference is. Research says that the biological shift refers to changes that happen at the cellular, chemical, or hormonal level of the body. And the physiological shift refers to changes in how body systems are functioning and expressing outwardly. Imagine this, you guys, just calming our nervous system can biologically and physiologically change our body just by calming the nervous system. So when we start to make this shift, here's what's going to happen our mental health will improve because it's going to reduce anxiety and stress. It's going to improve our mood. It cultivates and fosters inner peace. And it boosts our confidence. Imagine that. So think about yourself in a state of stress, right? Your mood's affected, your inner peace is affected, and your confidence is affected because you're stressed. You can't, you're not accessing that those parts of your brain and your body that lead to really sound and grounded choices. And we tend to believe less in ourselves as well. Our physical health is improved because it lowers our stress hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline, it normalizes blood pressure, it improves digestion, it strengthens immunity, and it supports cellular health. Kaboom. It improves our cognitive function, okay, which is the way the way our brain thinks, by enhancing focus, increasing our attention span, and improving our overall brain function. It also improves resilience because it builds our capacity to handle stressors and return to calm without getting burnt out or overwhelmed. And it improves our overall quality of life, the ways we daily function, and just basically our overall life satisfaction. I have experienced all of these things when I really took it upon myself to focus on calming my nervous system. I'm a person now who checks in with myself all the time. What I've noticed is there's varying degrees of when I'm in fight-flight. Sometimes it's high and I can feel it, and I tend to bump into things or drop things. That's usually my indicator. If that happens, I'm dropping one thing is one thing. But if I'm dropping like something and then something else, or I bump into something, or I'm like, okay, girl, what's going on internally here? Because again, like I said, we're just functioning through life. We're just going, going, going, doing the things that that is required of us throughout the day. But when I notice that, it's my stop. It's like stop check-in. What's happening? You're drop, you're dropping things. This is happening. Now that's not always the case. I don't always drop things when I'm in that stage state, but it's definitely one of the things. Um, difficulty sleeping, that's another indicator for me. Stumbling over my words. And I don't mean a little bit. I mean, because we all stumble here and there. I mean, I listen to people that have talked for years and years and years publicly and have no fear of public speaking, and they still stumble over their words. So I'm not saying it consistently stumble over your words. I mean just a little bit here and there, like we do, or when we're trying to formulate a thought. I'm talking about like, I can't, I just can't get my words out. I've just noticed this even I could just be sitting talking to my son one day, and I'm trying to formulate a thought, and it's like I have a blank, or my daughter, or whoever it might be, I'm just kind of blank, and I just can't quite get the feeling or the thought into words. And I've noticed this for sure. It for me, it attributes to when my nervous system is activated. And this is not necessarily a high-level activation, it can be a low-level activation. And so that's my indicator right there. I'm like, girl, you got to do your practices today. Now, of course, like most humans, I have times when I am consistently practicing, and then I have times where it drops off and I'm not consistently practicing. And it's not always my nervous system getting activated by some big, hairy, scary thing that's coming down the road for me. It's not like some crazy news or something like that. It can just be small things that are just building up, or my brain wants to go off and think in a certain area that might activate fear in me, and I'm not even paying attention because I'm doing other things. So just please know that it is literally part of the way we're made up, that we're gonna flow in and out of stressor states, anxiety states, activation in our nervous system states. It's all part of being human. And with that being said, I can only speak for my own personal experience. My life drastically changed when I consistently practiced calming my nervous system. Even on the days that I felt calm, even on the days that I felt very present, I still was practicing. And in those times, I noticed some major things that were changing. And this was this is what's cool about this is it was the day-to-day life. It was just everyday things that I would do had a different energy to them, or a different tone, or just a different feel, or I saw it in a different way, or I didn't get nervous. I believe, and this is just Kristen, I believe there's a difference between being nervous and anxiety. I've had both. I've been nervous and I've had anxiety. Anxiety was off the charts crazy. It was awful. But nervousness, I think, you know, like I said, dipping in and out of this is normal because something might be coming up that we're unsure of, or we're stepping into the unknown, or we're trying something new, or we're meeting someone new, or we're doing whatever it might be that it's just kind of makes us a little, I'm a little nervous, right? But then there's times when we're in straight anxiety. And I'm when I share with you the practices, they work for both, just little bouts of nervousness or extreme anxiety. I'm not your doctor, and I'm not telling you that you don't need medication for anxiety. I that's for you to decide. But for this girl, I like to do things as naturally as possible. And I know that my brain has a pharmacy of chemicals that I can tap into. And I know that the where my nervous system is at directly impacts that. So when I can take it upon myself to calm my nervous system, I have not had to be on any medication. Again, not judging you, not saying you need to have it any differently. There are times when those things are extremely helpful to individuals. I'm just saying that could to consider that there might be a natural way that can help you on this journey as well. I want to first share before I go into the techniques, I want to talk about what everyday life can look like with a regulated nervous system. Now, these are everyday things that could happen in your life that you might notice. And many of these things I did notice. And I was like, wow, this is so different. One of the things that's just off the top of my head, not on my list, is that I don't crave sugar. Isn't that fascinating? There's times when I just am searching the house for sugar. There's gotta be something here. And I thought, oh, maybe I'm just a sugar addict. You know, I had all these thoughts. But then two days later, I could feel the habit of going to reach for the Dove Dark Chocolate with the almonds in it, but I didn't want it. And I asked myself, what's different? Because you're calm. I'm not just calm, I'm like regulated, I'm in a baseline state. So that's one of the cool things that I've noticed is that when I reach for unhealthy foods, there's something going on inside of me. So when I tell you that nervous um regulating the nervous system is going to help you in many ways, I'm not kidding. It helps in so many different ways. So here's a list that I concocted for you guys just to just to give you an idea of what could change in your life when you regulate your nervous system. Let's say you receive a text that would normally spike anxiety or nerves, and you don't feel the urge to respond immediately. You just allow yourself to breathe, to think, and to decide when and how you're gonna respond to that text. How many of you, I'm gonna see by a show of emojis, have gotten a text and you can feel the surge? You can feel the surge. Somebody's saying something to you, and you're just like, oh, you know, and immediately, yes, thank you for your honesty, you guys. I appreciate that. We're community here, we gotta be honest, so everybody can relate. Awesome. I see all you guys. Yeah, I have. I was dealing with a text and conversation in a group chat last night, family group chat, trying to plan some things. And later my husband wasn't a it's the family group chat, but he read it later. He goes, honey, I just read the group chat. I just looked at him, I said, I know. Nothing was happening crazy, just so you guys know. It was just we're trying to plan times, and there's all these things overlapping and many different variables. And people were like, Well, why don't you just do this? And maybe next year, mom, you don't do that, you know, and all these type of things were happening. And I just I'm gonna maintain. I'm gonna maintain. And I did, and the whole thing worked itself out. And like I said, it wasn't fighting or yelling or anything like that, but it was a lot coming at me, and I could feel that surge. So, everyday life, guys, and not feeling the desire or the the need, the knee-jerk response to respond quickly. I gotta answer this. I gotta, uh-uh. It and this is what's cool about this is naturally, it's gonna be a natural thing when your nervous system is regulated. You don't have to think it. You don't have to go, I'm gonna wait 10 minutes to respond to this text. It you just don't. You're gonna notice these cool things. You also might make a mistake and notice the disappointment, but you don't immediately spiral into shame or panic. The story might move past you without turning it into something, a determinant of your worth. Pretty cool, right? It's just like, yeah, because your nervous system is calm. So you're not immediately going to, I suck. I hate myself, this is terrible, I'm a jerk. Uh-uh. You're just like, oh yeah, look at that. Yeah. Your body actually physically relaxes. You'll notice that your shoulders drop, your jaw unclenches, and your breathing slows. You're just, you know, more calm. And I've had this experience with people who I'm helping to regulate at some particular time, usually coaching clients, and I can see their body all tensed up. And I'll say to them, okay, drop your arms, shake your hands, lower your shoulders, just sit there for a second. Just feel what this feels like in your body. And then we move on with whatever technique it is. And they're like, wow, I didn't even realize I was holding all of that. Have you all ever laid in bed at night? I've done this more times than I can tell you. And you're laying in bed, you're ready to go to sleep, and you can just feel like you're holding your foot up or you're just doing something, like you're sort of holding your body up in some way. Who can relate? Send me some emojis if you can. Okay, things. Yep. I've noticed this where I'm like, and I'm like, wait a minute, relax your head, Kristen. Relax your relax your knees. Just flop here, just be a little flop. Okay, now, now you're okay. These are just examples of how we're carrying this stuff around and we don't even know it. And this is why I always say awareness is key, returning back to the self. That's why self here, yes, Jennifer said yes. This is why self is one of my tags always consistently, because this is about self, you guys. We have so much power. We have so much power. One of the other benefits is everyday life is that you can sit in silence without needing to distract yourself or to fill the space. Remember the other, I said this the other day on a talk. I was saying that, you know, now if I feel uncomfortable silence, I'm actually able to have that conversation with me, with myself, where I'm like, yeah, this, well, no one's talking. This feels weird. But it's okay. And I and I said I challenged myself not to fill that space. Do you know why I was able to have that conversation within my own head? It's because my nervous system was calm. Because I promise you, if my nervous system was not calm, I would be talking. I would be filling that space because it just felt weird. Right. Um, if someone is upset with you, although it might be uncomfortable, you don't feel like you're in danger or about to do something erratic. You're like, yeah, so-and-so's mad at me. Okay. Who has had that feeling when someone's upset with you, you just immediately want to spiral? You're just like, oh, I don't like that this person's upset with me. I gotta go fix this, I gotta, I gotta make this right. Yes, I I have felt that so many times. And like I said, yo, yeah, people are people are totally relating. But as I keep my calm, my nervous system calm, I notice that I don't care. And I don't mean that I don't care about the person or I don't love the person. It's not like, oh gosh, I gotta go fix this right now. I hate this because that is part of fight flight. We want to, we want to get our world right because we're reeling. We're already reeling. So let me just go put out this fire and go put out that fire and let me people please over here and abandoned over there and and back up on my boundaries here or stop using my voice over here because I just want to make my environment right. When you calm your nervous system, and one of the natural and organic things is you know what? It's it's okay. So-and-so is mad at me. It's all right. I don't care. It's okay. So again, not that you don't care. A better word is I'm unattached. I'm not attaching to this and making this part of my worth, or it's gonna affect the wholeness of my life. And one of the coolest things is that I was always the swoop in to fix. I can't tell you how many times. One of the coolest things that have happened for me, how my everyday life looks different, is if someone's upset with me and I'm okay to let it rest, it kind of works itself out. They they get calm, they think about it, they think about most of the time when people can step away from a situation, most of the time, not when you're dealing with an NTP, a narcissistic type person. They'll step away from you and keep building a story in their head about why you're such a jerk. But when, for the, you know, average person in the world, when they step away, they'll start saying, like, yeah, maybe I was a little harsh, or I guess that wasn't really nice that I said that, or whatever it might be. They kind of reflect a little bit. So I've noticed that that space is actually a good thing. That's actually, quote unquote, strangely enough, ironically, paradoxically, that's controlling. I'm controlling the space by letting it be. Crazy, isn't it? Marian Williamson says, and I love this quote, she says, surrender is the best form of control. I live by that. Surrender is the best form of control. So when we surrender, these these other forces come into place, whether it's through messages from God's source universe, whether it is through the person taking the time to go through their feelings, whatever it might be. But I've noticed that it works for me. That was a big habit I had to break. Because I was a single mom, I owned a business, I was putting out fires on the time all the time, just autopilot, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know, get this, get this, get this, do this, do this, contact this person, text this person, say to this person. And then I, when I, when I really practiced regulating my nervous system, I didn't need to do that anymore. Some things weren't a five alarm fire. Some things were just a little, a little spark. And that spark was gonna go out on its own. And sometimes it was a little bit more, but it was just, you know, there was no breeze and there was no dry brush nearby for it to ignite other things. It just was gonna stay there in its own little candle. It could return back to it type thing. Another thing is that you'll hear feedback without immediately defending yourself or panicking or getting massively upset. Again, one of my personal experiences. Because I was thinking about this, I don't know, this morning, yesterday, I don't know, whatever. And I was thinking about the idea of defensiveness. I'm like, damn, I used to be really defensive way back in the day. Didn't know I was, didn't know that's what it was. I remember being defensive with my mom. That was the conversation I or the the memories I was having in my head. Her trying to tell me stuff, and I was in high school and a little bit older than that, but I remember being really defensive. I remember when she tried to tell me that she picked up some vibes between my best friend and my boyfriend at the time. I completely defended them. Oh, could you? Oh my God, that's ridiculous. That's right. Just that knee-jerk response. I believe some of that was youth and naiveness, but also there was that defensive, and there were other areas in my life that I was defensive. The minute somebody would say something about something that triggered me, I would get defensive. But regulating the nervous system, when you feel safe, when you truly feel safe and grounded and you and not threatened, when that comes at you, you might have a little bit of that feeling, but it doesn't explode into full-blown defense mode, or you're making the other person wrong, or you're collapsing, or panicking, or you know, freaking out. I mean, doesn't that sound great? Another thing is that you sleep more deeply and you tend to wake up without that. Who has woken up with panic? Send up your emojis. I know you're out there. Because we all have. You just you open your eyes, you're like, oh my God, I can't tell you how many times in my life I've gone through that. Or I have woken up with panic. And it's it's like, what the hell is going on? Like, what is happening? Why? And typically it's because I've got some old some program running in my head, in my subconscious that I'm not aware of, or there's something looming in the future that I'm worried about, or I just went through. Some traumatic event and it's it really like deeply rooted inside of me and it's still the residual energy is there. I haven't broken free of it yet. And there could be other reasons for you too. But man, I've woken up with that feeling before, and that's not fun. Do you know how beautiful it is to wake up and just go, oh, I'm awake? That's my experience now. And one of my indicators when I need to regulate my nervous system is when I'm not waking up like that. You know, there's a little uh even I I'm working so much on this now these days, you guys. I don't even like to feel rushed. The minute I feel rushed, I ask myself, why are you rushed? What are you afraid of it's going to happen? So last night I had some things that it was just last-minute things. I still needed to get some stocking stuffers for the kids, and we were having big meals and all kinds of things that are happening over here. And I started to make my list yesterday in the afternoon. I was a little concerned, but not overly nervous or anything. I was like, I'm gonna forget something, and then the grocery stores are closed on certain days, you know, the whole shtick. And I just said, no, everything is okay. You're gonna think better, Kristen. You're gonna plan, you're gonna check all the boxes when you're calm. Because when I was in that rush mode, I wasn't doing that. I was trying to hurry and look through the recipe that I needed. Oh my god, do we have the garlic and do we have the and I just sat down one of the bar stools up my island, whipped out a piece of paper and a pen, and just stared into space, allowing for time, allowing for space. Again, like I said, being a single mom for so long and putting out a lot of fires and sick parents, and you know, all the things, owning businesses, just a constant movement. And I thought, what's your rush for? It's four o'clock in the afternoon. And sometimes it might be like, Well, I'm hungry and I need to get there because I need to come home and eat. Last night was I ate pretty late last night, and I had never done that before. I hadn't done that in a long time, not before, in a long time. So one of my things was I gotta stay to my schedule, I gotta eat my body. I was like, No, are you even hungry? No, am I really hungry right now? Okay, and I called the hubs and I said, Hey, I gotta go run a bunch of errands for you know all the Christmas stuff. You wanna go? He said, Yep, leave him work now, cool. He went with me, and he I could feel him because he's coming off of work day. He's in his go-go go and he's a general contractor. This guy manages the world. I will tell you, he manages the world. And we've talked about this before. He's like, Yeah, I need to switch that gear. So I could tell he was sort of in that gear in the grocery store, and I just put my hand on him, I said, We have so much time. And I could, it's almost like you can see it, like, oh, you're right. So we went and did our things, and my goodness, we we knocked it out. We got it, it was like one, two, three stores. We had to go to three different stores. Got everything, came home, fixed it all, and then we sat there and I and I looked at him later in the evening while after we'd eaten and stuff, and I said, I feel ready, I feel done with all the Christmas stuff. And he said, Yeah, the one thing we didn't get was dessert because we didn't want to get it three days. I don't want the dessert sitting there for three days, and like, nah, I want it fresh. So we didn't get dessert yet for everybody, but that's cool. So these are the type of things that will happen is that if I'm in that activated mode and have been for some times, I for some time, I would just continue to respond from that activation, that rushing, because I'm used to it. It's just that's par for the course here. But I don't, but when I've figured out that I don't have to, and of course, you guys, disclaimer, there's always times we have to rush, right? There are some things that are crucially important, and time got really shortened, and we have to hustle, hustle the buttons. Those times happen, but this wasn't one of those times. Oh, yeah, this is this one too, is um decisions come from clarity rather than urgency. Did I already say that one? You don't feel rushed to choose. I don't think I did, but that's that's one too. Is that my decision started to come from clarity, and this is because my nervous system was calm. My old programming was saying, hurry, get it done, get home, eat so that you can relax and go to bed and do this whole thing over again. But I had plenty of space. So I started to become clear because my nervous system was regulated. Here's a fun one, too. Laughter comes easily and feels genuine. It's not forced or performative. I notice when my nervous system is regulated, I laugh more. I recently found a new comedian on YouTube, Giancarlo Sorsezzi or something like that. I don't know. He's just funny. I was laughing out loud through this whole thing. I typically don't do that with comedians. I'm afraid to go to comedy shows because I smile and I'm laughing on the inside, but I don't typically like wah ha ha, you know, out loud. It's gotta be like really funny to really touch my funny bone. I'm I tend to more laugh at everyday things. I don't know why. But I noticed her, I was just laughing and laughing and laughing at this guy. And I'm like, this is my husband was just kind of smiling and looking at it, wasn't laughing like I was. Not saying anything about her as his nervous system, could have been our senses of humor. But we laugh more easily. We also don't need to constantly fill the gaps with stimulation such as scrolling, snacking, or some type of noise. We're happier to be in silence. I'm more happy to be in silence now than I've ever been. And there'll be times too where I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'm gonna put on some music, like a little quiet in here. And I'll say, Do you really want music, Kristen? No, I really don't. Okay, it's okay to be with yourself. It's okay to be in your head. Okay, we've got a couple people who have joined the queue, so we're gonna go ahead and bring up. First, we've got Imani. Welcome, Imani. Thanks for joining.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yes, um, reclaiming your calm. You know, we sometimes forget that that's a power that we have. We sometimes involuntarily without really realizing it, that we give up that power and then we feel powerless. And it's like you get to decide what's gonna be in your space and and what's not. And I know for a long time I didn't like silence. I felt like I had to constantly fill in the spaces, I had to be the one holding the conversation. I just didn't deal with stillness. But I've learned now that when I have that stillness, it's really peaceful. You know, you get to hear the birds chirping in the background, you know, you get to hear the wind rustling, you know, through the leaves. It really brings you back to center, I would say, to just be in that moment, to just be still, to just allow your mind and your body to power down because we're always on 10. Yeah, you know, that's just the hustle-bustle mentalities that we always gotta be on 10 and it's go, go, go, rush, rush, rush. But guess what? That causes us to be impatient and we get more frustrated and aggravated when we're on 10. I know if I go ahead and give myself permission to slow down, I'm not reacting on emotion for everything. Because when we're rushing and stressing, we are responding based off emotion. That's a big one, by the way. Yeah, and then we have to do damage control after what we've said or done. We're like, ooh, I didn't mean to say that or ooh, I didn't mean to commit to that ooh, I didn't mean to do that. And it's because you didn't give yourself permission to slow down and really assess am I making this bigger than it really needs to be? Nine times out of ten, we are. Yeah, because our emotions allow us to catastrophize very quickly. But when we take that time to just slow down and really ask ourselves, what's the big deal? Why do I feel this way? Why did that rustle my feathers? What do I need to do differently and how should I respond? It gives yourself time to kind of catch up with the conversation. Because I know with me, if I'm rushing and I get this phone call I really didn't want, I'm halfway not even listening to what they're saying because I'm actually waiting on the phone back. I'm like, yeah, go ahead, say it. I got something to zing you back. Come on, bring it on. But when you don't do that, you are actively engaged in what they're saying, and then you actually pick up on cues when you're really engaged with what that person is saying. So you make sure you're understanding where they're coming from, so then in turn, you can help also state what really is factual and not be worried about are they gonna take it wrong? Are they gonna receive it wrong? Are they gonna be mad at me? Is this gonna cause dissension? Is it gonna it takes all the woulda, coulda, shoulda and what might happen out of the way. Yeah, and then you're just there having an actual, real, emotionally mature adult conversation. And when we take that time to slow down, it helps us to really assess everything. You know, why do I mindlessly snag? Why am I over here on Instagram for three hours? Why am I doing these things? And then you get to help yourself determine what you can do differently now than getting lost in the sauce or getting caught up in something and doom scrolling and all those things. What if it's better? What great can I fill this with? Do I need to go watch a kitty or dog video on YouTube? Absolutely. Go ahead. Do you need to laugh at yourself sometimes? Yeah, it's funny. You get to catch yourself like, girl, why you keep doing that? You know better. I know, right? You know, but you just get on and get on, and you keep finding things to put in your toolbox to help you be calm. Yes, you notice the things that disrupt you, like all the notification sounds on my phone. I'll keep because every single thing would put me in hyperactivity mode, like, ooh, what's going on?

Kristen 29:51

Ooh, what about it? That's what it does to me. It's a it's a every time a notification comes on my phone. So I've done the same thing. I only have certain ones on now, and it's usually with texting, you know, family texting, but it's done the same thing to me. And I was like, I don't like like why is this happening?

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Yeah, you feel like you gotta be on point. And I focus more on the joy of missing out versus the fear of missing out because a lot of people are. That's so good. Yeah, life is gonna revolve whether we want it to or not. So choose Jomo. Jomo, baby.

Kristen 30:22

That's so good. Oh, thank you, Amani. I didn't realize you were close to timing out. Oh, I love everything that she said about not responding from emotion. Huge one that was on the list too. About we just handle things differently. When our nervous system is calm, again, we're not activated, we're not in threat mode, we're not in fight-flight mode, or even freeze-freeze mode. We are in a place where we can feel the emotion, see what that's meaning, and then formulate a response to whatever stimulus it is. And also when she said, you know, is it this big? Oh, how many times do we you guys blow something up? How many times? See, I want to see the emojis. Where it's something that's really minute, and you're like, oh my God, end of the world, oh my god, you know, whatever it might be. We tend to see life through a clearer lens when our nervous system is relaxed, when we are calm. We start to see it more clearly rather than is this really the end of the world that we ran out of cat food today? Oh my god, the cats are gonna mix miss breakfast. I'm not gonna feed them till lunch. You know what I'm saying? That's just the first thing that popped into my head because I'm really careful about my kitty food and my dog food. But in case that would happen, I would probably start to freak out a little bit because, oh my God, my precious beloveds missed breakfast. No, they'll be okay. Just like you've skipped a meal, they can skip a meal. You're everybody's okay, and just staying there. But I also really loved where she was talking about um just presence and connection. When the nervous system is calm, we tend to listen better. We listen to understand rather than listen to respond. And I am bringing up one of our OGs from the predecessor app, our very own, Queen Be Divine. Welcome, sis. How are you, Kristen? Girl, long time.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

So glad to have you. Oh, yes, your your talk, you always have a great um the voice. It reminds you to come back to come. So I always want I thank you for keeping that energy or even working on that. However, you do it. I love that you're you. Thank you. Thank you. I I I love that, you know, when you said um your title and the the the the the wonderful queen emperor who was uh it just came up behind. Yes, thank you for sharing that because I hit every note. I'm singing, I'm singing it. Yes. Um, thank you for sharing. Um, I love that reclaiming your your healing and what I've learned in my own journey. Um, and I had to take a step back because I was being overwhelmed and I didn't realize I was still collecting ingredients for my journey. I didn't know that. I thought I was like, oh yeah, that's it, I'm good. I just need to put the pieces together. And I wasn't doing it in a calm sense. I was I was reacting um to what I think I should be doing opposed to what I I am designed to be doing. Being calm, being in the space. And Wendell wasn't listening to me, my body spoke, and it spoke in inflammation. And when I studied inflammation, I realized inflammation, inflammation of the body means your body's in stress. It's in stress mode. And no matter how much I told myself, I am calm. My body's like, no, you ain't. Yeah. The body don't lie, and the body keeps the score. Yes, it does. So I just went on a whole, it was so beautiful to be able to recognize that in a calm state because I realized for me, um, I thought I had to not even thought. You could just feel it because you feel like you have to catch up to the past. You've got to run with the future. And I forgot to invite the now. I forgot to invite now into my life. And I was living from the past trying to catch up to the future, and now it's like, hey, you know I'm right here, right? Um, so I introduced a lot of oils and herbs to my life. And what I tell you, speaking, it's like speaking to the earth for me. And the earth was telling me, you are still reacting from whether it be childhood, youth, uh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and then when I calmed down and I literally had to just push everything out to really hear my voice sit in silence and appreciate that silence, I could then hear my body go, I need this tea. I need this walk. I need this music. And then when I applied them, I'm like, oh, I get it. I gotta reclaim my calm. So thank you, Kristen. For bringing that up because a lot of people don't realize, even though when we're born, we're crying and we're screaming, we're not crying because we're not calm, we're crying because we're asking someone to keep us warm. We're asking someone to pull us closer. And if it's not you, then who will it be? Right? As babies, we have someone to do that, God willing, enable how we come into this world. Um, but um, once we get to that stage where we can coax ourselves, even as children, I don't remember inflammation as a child.

unknown 35:25

I don't remember that.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

You know, so um it's it's I forget that I have to remind myself every day like a tree. A tree takes in, detoxifies every day. I have to remember to do that. And when I don't do that, my mind becomes inflamed. My body becomes inflamed. So I just, you know, I I don't know how this resonates with everybody, but I know that um I can't live without my tease. You know, you probably blah blah blah. So many let me ask you a question. How do you, how do you, Kristen, just to share, because I love your thoughts on all of these things. Um, you've got a great uh disposition. I love your commitment to healing. Um so my question is you said this one of your talk in uh earlier in the talk, like when you get up, you're like, oh my god, danger, danger, Will Rogers. Sometimes I get that dread. Um, what is that for you when you get up? Like you're like, oh my God. Because sometimes I can feel it heavy, sometimes it's moon cycles. God only knows what it is. Um, but for you, when you feel that instant, oh my God, is that am I okay? What is your first thing or your go-to to just get that place back?

unknown 36:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

Thank you, by the way. Thank you, thank you. Sending love to you.

Kristen 36:42

Yes, thank you so much for coming up, Quimby. It was so good to hear your voice. I'm glad you're here. Yes, so I don't have that anymore, just so everybody knows. I haven't had that in a very, very long time. So at the time when I was having that, I didn't know what to do with it, to be completely honest. I just was like, ah. And then I just kind of went about my day. Because at that time I was going through a special type of H E double hockey stick and there was a lot happening. And so I was waking up with that dread. I also woke up with that after someone passed away. If I lost a loved one, I would wake up with that too. And that's probably, you know, for many reasons. But I will say that since I've been continuing to practice calming my nervous system, I don't have that anymore. That's where I now I wake up and I'm like, oh, I'm awake. Okay, what time is it? You know, that's kind of the first thing that I do is I look at the clock and see what time it is and decide my day. And I feel like I don't have that anymore because I do regularly practice my um nervous system calming techniques. So if that were to happen now, because I want to answer your question directly, if that were to happen now, first thing I would say is that what's scaring you? What's scaring you, honey? What do you need, sweet pea? That's my mom used to call me. What's going on inside of you? What are you afraid of? Because there's something I'm afraid of that my subconscious is holding on to, and that it's waking up and it's just alerting me first thing in the morning. Remember, this could happen. So I discover what that is. And again, this is me now. It's not me back then, but now it's like I would talk myself through that logically and rationally, whatever that fear may be. And then I would double down on my nervous system calming techniques. That's really what I would do. I do nervous system calming techniques before bed as I'm laying in bed at night. I go through gratitude lists, I fill my heart with love, I tell myself I'm safe. Sometimes I do box breathing, even if I'm not in a state of nerves. I could be in the calmest state and I'll just do some deep breathing. It's funny because my husband and I sometimes all of a sudden we both go at the same time and then we exhale. So those are the things that I would do. And I am gonna get into the calming techniques, you guys. That's part of this talk. I do have a couple more people who have joined the queue and that, but we need we I do need to get into these. So we're gonna bring up our very own Steven. Welcome, Steven. Thank you for joining.

Steven 39:13

Hey, thanks for having me. You would laugh at what I got to say this week, yeah. We're we're all um kind of around the living room watching TV, and across the room is my brother-in-law. He's two years old. He's a computer guru of some sort. He's down to 30 hours a week from 60 hours a week. And somehow we were talking about different things in a case. And I said, you know, I said some of this stuff just doesn't seem to matter anymore. I said, I kind of just like asked myself this question. Because you said some about expecting expectations. And I said, Yeah. I just said, yeah. I said, you know, something I'm gonna ask myself. How much does this matter? Is anybody gonna lose a little more of their life? If not, who cares? Yeah, somebody else said something else, and then he's like, and then we went all the way back, and I said, you know, some of that just the his expectations is just kind of a control issue that do you really have to control that? And then I started and I uh mentioned the serenity first. Oh it was funny because I was just like, you know, I saw so much, it was so interesting. I saw so much more this time.

Kristen 40:37

And it took me good for you.

Steven 40:40

It took me till this morning to kind of put the dance together, but I saw a lot of masks. Let's see, there's one, two, three married couples in there. I got a brother younger than me, and I got a my sister older than me. In my thought process, they're they're not really sure how to take me. And I'll mention stuff like that, and I can see them just like, well, huh. I'm like, well, that's interesting for you because yours is already, you know, but I still got mine, so I don't need to do any work.

Kristen 41:15

Really?

Steven 41:17

That seemed to be the the thing of well, that's really interesting. And I'm like, you just keep those masks up there, guys.

Kristen 41:25

And so let me get clear here. They're saying because they're still married that they don't need to do any inner work, but like you got divorced, so you need inner work.

Steven 41:34

That's that's the way it seems, is like we're we're still going to church, we're way more Christian than you, and and um this is the way we're gonna roll. And I'm just sitting here going, I'll just be the sacred one. I don't need this.

Kristen 41:46

Yes, that's right, Steven. Good job. I love that your lens has changed.

Steven 41:51

Oh man, am I really serious? Because I'm kind of checking in, going, seriously, is this what I just saw? Absolutely. So thank you. You you've you've helped me a lot. I sincerely appreciate it. Time to go. Almost done.

Kristen 42:12

Thank you. Merry Christmas, Two laughing his way off stage. I love that. What Steven said right there just filled me with so much joy and so much happiness because he, you know, he's been struggling with, it's he's been very open on here. And I'm paraphrasing, of course, he's been struggling with like just certain judgments and things coming from certain family members. And what he's saying is that he went to this particular function and just kind of had this zoomed out view where he's like, wow, I'm seeing things way more clearly here. They're still doing and saying the things that they're doing and saying, and it looks very different to me now. And I cannot tell you, Stephen, that is such a massive, massive sign of healing. There's no other way to explain it. There's just, and it's it feels very solo. It feels very alone. It's like nobody else sees this right now. No, sometimes our circles don't. We might be, I call it the pioneer in our community. I use that term in my first book. I said, sometimes you are the pioneer in your community. You are the one with the machete out in front, braving the tundra or the jungles, whatever it might be, all by yourself. You look back and there might be someone back there, but they're they're kind of far back there. You know, it's like, what am I doing? But you're following your soul, you're so you're following your spirit, you're following your inner knowing. That is to me the true definition of being connected to source, God, universe, whatever you want to term it. That's the true connection of that. So it's interesting to me how some people claim they're connected, but they're really not practicing in the way that makes the true results, if that makes sense. All right, I'm gonna jump into the calming technique so we don't leave you just high and dry here. So the first one is deep breathing, of course. And I've given a whole talk on literally what deep breathing does to the body. So, yes, it sounds trite and dumb and minimal, and really is it really gonna have that big of an impact? Yes, it will, because there is some things that happen in the body. And one of the things is that it stimulates the vagus nerve. That's one of the things that it will do, because the vagus nerve runs down like through from the top of the head. I've seen maps of it. I don't want to explain it all to you guys via audio, but it goes down through the center of the body and it affects all parts of our body. So when we do that deep breathing, well, that's what's right there, the lungs, right? So stimulating that. I love box breathing. Box breathing is a navy SEALs technique where you inhale for four counts, you hold for four counts, you exhale for four counts, and you hold at the exhale for four counts. It feels a little weird at first, like you're not sure how much you should breathe in or breathe out. Don't judge yourself. Just try it. Box breathing. I can even do just three rounds of it, and I feel amazing. All right, so there's also the physiological psi, two inhales and one long exhale. I love to add sound. There is times when you my family will tell you this if they're paying attention. I'll just be in the kitchen doing something that's our common space. And I'll I'm gonna hold the phone away while I do this so it's not loud to you guys, but I'll be like, ha, ha. I'll do something like that. Hopefully that wasn't too loud. And then I'll do it again and probably a couple times. And they might have said something like, What? What's going on over there? And now they don't. They just and I've told them once, I'm like, oh, that's just me just letting out energy or whatever. It's a really good thing to do. Also slow, deep breathing, which is just inhale as long as you can. When you get to the top of the inhale, take another little sip if you can. Hold it, feel the expansion of your chest, and then exhale as slow you slowly as you can. That was the technique that got me through my tsunami was long, slow, deep breathing. I would inhale as far as I could. In the beginning, it looked like sounded like this. You know, it was this slow, short inhales and these short exhales, but per each session, pretty soon I'm inhaling 10, 12, 15 seconds and exhaling 20 to 28 seconds. As I went through it, as my body relaxed, my inhales and my exhales. So definitely deep breathing, huge. And you can do it, it's free. You can do it anywhere. Movement, like Queen Bee Divine mentioned, going for a brisk walk. Huge, you guys. We don't understand how great walking is. I remember one of the experts here on Noom Vibe, this was a doctor, said that walking, brisk walking was more effective than antidepressant medication. I kid you not. And I believe it. Walk it off. I knew I heard this other couple, just some influencers way back in the day, I don't remember, but they talked about they walked it off. They walked it out, they walked it out. Every time something was going on with one or the other of them or the two of them, they walked it out. There's something to this, you guys. It sounds ridiculous, but the the cures are typically not as complicated as we think they are. We think because we feel so terrible that the cure has got to be something magnificent and huge and just earth shattering. No, it doesn't. That's the beauty. So walking, dancing, huge, huge. Stretching, all of these things can lower our cortisol. Then there's sensory grounding, which is holding ice, splashing cold water on your face, using a weighted blanket or a pet or an animal to soothe your nervous system. You know, petting your pet, petting an animal, getting really grounded with them. I rub my face on beans. She's the only one of my cats that lets me do this. But I just walk up to her, I say, Beanus, and she looks at me and she immediately purrs. Immediately purrs. And I just walk over and I like rub my forehead on kind of her little forehead and her ears, and she just sits there and purrs and purrs and purrs. That's just a moment of presence for me. And I do it as much as possible. One time when my uh youngest who had anxiety, this she was struggling with it a lot, and then it's it's eased up a lot. But then every once in a while, if there's something really big that will activate it, and I went and grabbed ice cubes and I put them in her hands and I said, You hold these. And as she was holding the ice cubes, I was talking, you know, words of calm to her, grounding words to her. And she was staring me in the eye, just staring me in the eye, because if she's in full panic mode, she held those ice cubes until they were almost gone. Like she she wasn't like, Oh, it's too cold, I need to let go. I mean, this this person was in panic mode. And then afterwards, she was calm. And and she later came up to me, she said, Thank you for that, mom. Like she was really, I'm like, okay, you just gotta really learn to do these things for yourself. These are your these are your tools because I'm not always gonna be there for these type of things. We talked about vagus nerve stimulation. There's several ways you can do this. I do recommend there. I, as I was doing a little bit of research to see if I can gather any more data for you guys, the there's a lot of YouTube videos on vagus nerve stimulation. So find one where you like the speaker, they resonate with you, and it's simple and it's short. This should not be a long, drawn-out, complicated thing. You might lose yourself in it. You might be like, oh, this is boring. I don't want to listen to this. Just find someone that goes through the nerve, how to stimulate your vagus nerve. There was one that I learned, which was rubbing that bone behind your ear. That was amazing when I was going through some really tough stuff. And there's also this little place in our ear that's called the Simba concha. A Simba concha, I'm not gonna try to describe it to you, but it's like a little hole, a little indent. You can put like a pencil with an eraser and just they call it the Simba swizzle. Is this funny? The Simba swizzle. Never heard of this, brand new to me today. You could use your finger, but I have fingernails, so it doesn't feel good. But just sort of, you know, stimulate, press on that little area in your ear. Yeah, it's not inside your ear canal, it's actually on your big ear flap. Just a little indent spot that you have, and you stick a little eraser and just kind of move it. Stimulate your vagus nerve. How cool. Crying. Allow yourself to have a good cry and release those stress hormones. This works for me. It is known that crying from sadness, crying from frustration, crying through pain all have different chemical compounds. It's all purposeful. We cry for reasons, you guys. So all this I'm gonna withhold my crying, nah. I don't care if you're male or female, stop it. Sob it out. Let's see it. Every time someone starts crying on TV shows and everything, like, I'm sorry, I'm sad. Why are you apologizing? Now I will, you guys have heard me say this on here, so let me disclaim: if I have cried, I will pull it together because I'm live and I need to speak. Okay. But I let myself cry. I do. I let myself release that energy. So let yourself cry. Sleep. Huge. Buddha said that sleep is the best meditation. Aim for seven to nine hours a night. Dark, cool room if you can for nervous system repair. And do whatever it takes to get you good sleep. Lower. I gave a talk way back in the beginning of Noom Vibe about sleep. This is about if you can't sleep, figure out what's going on. Am I nervous? Am I stressed? Is this hormone related? Because period postmenopause women have struggles trouble sleeping or staying asleep. Is this the temperature in the room? Is it something hurts? Is my bed uncomfortable? Do I have too many pets in my bed? My bed, my pets were waking me up. So the only one allowed in the room anymore is Wesley, and he sleeps on his little dog bed. Um, but Katania, man, she's she was distracting us a lot. And then when she finally settles, she sleeps on my feet. So when I need to stick my feet out of the covers every once in a while because I get cold or hot, and I can't move because she's there, and God forbid I disturb her. Because my husband's like, just move her. I'm like, no, she's sleeping on my feet. So that causes me more distress than just having her sleep out of the room. But see how I worked with it? I don't want to disturb her. And I don't want to sit up and move her. I don't want to kick her to move her because I'm not in a roll that way. Okay, Peter gets it. Peter gets it. So I would have to, you know, lean up, get out of my covers, lean down, grab Katania, move her. I would, and that's a lot of waking up for me. So just I just don't have her in the room anymore. Your sleep is important. Not eating past a certain time, uh, sugar and certain foods will raise your heart rate. Isn't this crazy? I had a friend that was telling me about this. I'm like, I so I started paying attention. I'm like, oh my gosh, my heart rate does raise with certain food. Nature, huge. Everybody says, oh, I love nature, oh I love the beach. I there's some people that don't like the beach, but the majority of people will say the beach is my my zen place. You know why? Grounding. Grounding and negative ions coming out of the ocean. That's why we feel good when we're near the ocean. It is a thing. In Arizona, we don't have oceans, but we have little bodies of water and lake and things like that. And they do say to go immerse yourself in water. This is a big thing. My husband, when we don't have one now, but back in the day before we were a thing, he had a hot tub. And every night he was in that hot tub. He's a water guy. He has a beach house in Mexico. You know, he was a scuba diver. This guy likes this. This is what he does. And I think it's because he found a way to calm his nervous system, probably not knowing that his nervous system was activated. Uh, Jeanette said, I do the thing in the ear many times a day. I can't believe how effective it is. After a few seconds, I feel relaxed and almost always yawn. I didn't know it was called something. I didn't either. But that's cool, and I'm gonna pick that up now. For me, nature, oh my gosh, hiking for some reason, just walking in the wintertime here. We have a desert, right? It's a lot of crunchy gravel, you know, some bushes and trees and stuff nearby. But the quch quch quch quch on the gravel is so meditative to me. I love it and the smells and the views and everything. Also, social connections, connecting with calm, supportive people for co-regulation, right? Like like my husband. I didn't say he was activated last night, nor was he anxious, but I could tell he was in his his work mode. His drive home isn't very long, it's like 10 minutes. So he he didn't have, and plus he's usually fielding phone calls on the way home, and the guy juggles the world. He's told me before I get home, I'm still in that mode. I said, okay, well, let me know. And for some reason, the a woman's touch to a man is very calming. So just putting my hand on his arm, I've done this with almost every relationship that I've been in. If I they're stressed out, I just reach over, put my hand on their arm, and I see their whole body relax. It's really strange. But knowing that we have this power not only with our partners, but also with other loved ones. So these are the type of things that we can do to help other people. And like I said with my husband at the store, I just said, babe, we're not in a rush. He just kind of looked at me and he slowed down. Like we can help each other. Or if someone's, you know, this is usually there's some precursor conversations, but if someone's like freaking out about something and you've talked about not sweating the small stuff or letting things go or blowing things out of proportion, sometimes we can walk over to somebody and say, This is not a big deal. If we're late, we're late. Or if the package doesn't arrive on time, I got notification this morning from Amazon, something for my husband that was gonna arrive before Christmas. Now it's gonna arrive two days after Christmas. And I just looked at it and I went, oh bummer. What am I gonna do? Oh my god, his gift isn't gonna arrive here. He's not gonna have as many gifts as other people. Oh, this is an impact on me, on my worth as a wife. And no, no. Oh, so I can't be here. Here's a note. Here it's gonna be here on the 27th. You know, it's like being willing to be there for other people too. But again, people have to meet us at the regulation. Like, I'm not gonna try to keep regulating somebody or be co-regulating with them if they're gonna fight me. Then they've got other lessons to learn first before they allow and receive and you know, are willing to talk down that ego a little bit. It's sometimes it's not the right time and place. Like I said, some a lot to a lot of times when we do that, there's precursor conversations that are leading up to it. And of course, staying hydrated. I know this sounds ridiculous. Hydrated and nutrition. And like Queen Be Divine mentioned, her herbal teas. That is on the list. Stay hydrated and consider herbal teas. One of my favorite teas right now, I got it a little um market mercantile, they called it a market mercantile, and it's an elderberry tea. I love this tea. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to order this online after it's done. It's so good. I've made it, I make it as ice. I have an iced tea maker where you can make it, you know, brews the tea, actually brews it, and then it pours, it exits the vessel over ice and in a um pitcher, and then whatever. Anyway, long story. It was cheap. It was like 19, 20 bucks. I love this thing, and I brew my own tea, and this is decaf. I love this. It's like I every day I'm brewing my own tea. So yeah, teas are great too, all different kinds of teas. So the other day, remember I told you guys when my stomach was slightly nauseous, I was drinking mint tea that day because that calms the stomach, you know. So, so think about these things. But hydration, huge, especially in Arizona. Oh my gosh. I noticed here I have water with me all day long, every day. It's a 40 ounce. I fill it up two, three times a day because we're thirsty in Arizona. But then I'll go to another state where it's wet. I don't even feel like drinking water. So I don't know how you guys do it, but maybe I'm gonna venture to say, again, not a doctor, not a scientist, maybe you don't need as much water as we do. You can hear my throat's dry right now. Maybe you don't need as much water as we do because we're a desert. Maybe you guys hold water more because I've noticed the extreme difference between going here and going to California, also the way my skin feels. My skin's really dry in Arizona. I go next to California or human environment. My skin is soft and supple. My dermatologist said that to me one day. He goes, Your skin's dry. I'm like, bro, we live in a desert. Like, what do you want? So here's important considerations on the path to reclaiming our calm. Remember that practice creates results, not perfection. If it created perfection, I would be perfect by now. I'm not, not even close. Like I openly share with you all about my navigation of the healing journey as well, or just life in general. Okay. Practice creates results though. Relaxation can be built on and maintained through consistent practices, staying calm, staying regulated. Okay. And don't get yourself all worked up and stressed about trying to relax. I'm supposed to be relaxing right now. Okay. Is that gonna work for you? It's not. Remember, this is being the observer, not the judgment of yourself. Not the judger, the observer. Like, mm, okay, I said I was gonna start relaxing. This is not relaxing, or it's gonna start being calm and this is not it. Or boy, I really allowed myself to get sideways because that Amazon package isn't gonna be delivered on time. Uh-uh. Mindfulness. This is what mindfulness is all about. It's a practice of presence. It's about being here now. It's about what's going on in my mind right now. And what can I do with this? What tools do I have in my tool belt or my toolbox? Depends how you like to carry your tools, that I can implement right now. As always, if you're new here, I want to invite you to many of my free resources that are on my Linktree. You can find those by clicking on my profile picture here, and then you'll see a button that says Link Tree, follow the prompts. I have Say No with Confidence, 25 Ways to Politely Decline Blind Spots and Breakthroughs. That's stop letting your blind spots run your life. The Shadow Work Workbook. This is an introduction into shadow work and illuminating and embracing your hidden self to experience emotional freedom and healing. There's also the Personal Bill of Rights, Volume 2. I mentioned that on the other talk. This is Knowing Your Personal Rights and Entitlement. 20 Self Love Journaling Prompts. You know, I'm a self-love junkie. I'm all about self-love because that's where the healing really happens is through self love. Also cultivating emotional intelligence. These are all very, very simple PDFs. I don't make them complicated. I don't make them long. They're aesthetically pleasing. Some of these things you can actually print out and post for reminders. I also have checklists, which is the self-love checklist, and this is becoming accountable to self-love practices that will massively upgrade your self-worth and confidence. And there's a daily confidence checklist, and this is small daily actions to help you boost your confidence. And I have two quizzes, and I love my quizzes, and people love my quizzes. I have self-love quiz, which is gonna help you gain a clear assessment of how well you are loving yourself, and the people pleasing quiz, which is gaining a clear assessment on where you rank on the scale of people pleasing. And what's fun to do is take those quizzes and then you know, three months, six months later, go take them again and see where you're at. See if if the work you're doing, and I know it is, well, I'm gonna put it this way see how the work you're doing is in is helping you improve in certain areas. Go check those out. Also, my book link is there, my social channels, my YouTube channel. My gosh, I'm I think I'm over 600 videos right now. So many great things over there, a lot of things on relationship over there. Also, the edited version of this broadcast is over there. So you check that out, and also on all major podcasting platforms. Right now it's called Empower Our Radio, which you can see right here in my profile picture. Empower Our Radio. I am considering changing the title of that to self healing radio. Hmm. Thank you for being here. Much love to each and every one of you. Have an amazing day. Bye.