Stop Wishing, Start Experimenting | The Mad Scientist Formula

What if your life isn’t stuck… you just stopped experimenting?

In this conversation, we explore what it means to become the mad scientist of your own life. The one who stops wishing and starts experimenting. The one who refuses to accept status quo and instead asks, “What else can I try?”

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about curiosity. It’s about small experiments. It’s about baby steps and perception shifts.

The defeatist mindset resigns. The curiosity mindset experiments.

This talk is about reclaiming the power seat in your life. It’s about focusing on solutions instead of rehearsing problems. About becoming the kind of person who tests a new way instead of repeating the old ones.

You are powerful beyond measure. You have everything it takes to attract and create the life, relationships, health, and wealth of your dreams. 

The question is: Are you willing to become the person who is willing to figure it out?

If you’re ready to stop circling the same problems and start creating new outcomes, this is your invitation. Grab a pad of paper, pen and a delicious beverage and cozy up to a conversation that will help you shift the way you’re approaching life!

For FREE Resources, 📖 Book Link, 📝 Quizzes, 👚 Self-Love Merch Shop, 🗣️ 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

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Much Love,

KB 🦋

Transcript

Opening & Inspiration

Kristen 0:00

Upon falling asleep last night, I was, you know, doing my regular practices before I fall asleep, and this came up for me, and so much so that I had to grab my phone, flip on the light, and start typing in my sent myself an email about the notes that I wanted to talk about in this talk because I find this to be extremely important. I find that becoming the mad scientist of your own life is really how you can get things to change. And the core of this talk is really about seeing life as an experimentation. Many of us uh think things are one and done. We think it's not going to get any better. This is just the way it is, and we sort of have a defeatist attitude where we haven't maybe even come into the awareness or alignment with the idea that life is a game, that life is an experiment, that we have so much power to try new things, that we can actually put things into place in our life. Like we can experiment. I mean, how cool is that? So, one of the ways we can start this practice is by asking ourselves, what is not working? What am I not liking? What am I not enjoying? Where am I having a little rub? Where is there some friction? Where is there some lower dense emotions? Where am I feeling frustration? Where is something in my life not bringing me joy? What do you not like? What would you like to change? These are powerful questions that can get us really, I call it getting on the in the driver's seat of our life where we're right now we're kind of running around the outside of the car playing. What was that called, you guys, back in the day when you get out of the car, run around the car, something about a fire, fire drill. Yeah, it was like a Chinese fire drill or something like that, where you'd pull up at a stoplight and everybody would get out and run around the car and then get back in again. We're kind of doing a Chinese fire drill. That's at least what I remember it being called. It could change now. And I hope if that's not PC anymore, that I'm not offending anybody. Just quoting um a childhood phrase. We're running around the car. How about if we just get ourselves back in the power seat? And how we do that is by asking ourselves powerful questions. Because powerful questions are very revealing as long as we're honest with ourselves, as long as we're willing to give ourselves the true answer. This is an idea too. A lot of times people don't want to look at what's not working in their life because they they don't want to change anything. They like, they like status quo, they like the quote unquote comfort of what's familiar. And it's often a discomfort, but it's familiar. So we like the comfort of the familiarity. That's such a hard word for me to say. Familiarity. I don't know. But we like the comfort of that. Sometimes we don't want to look at things because we're afraid that change is going to go shooting off into a crazy direction and somewhere that we're uncomfortable, we're unfamiliar with, and what we don't like. And this is why I want to talk about this today, because when you become the mad scientist in your life, you're not just making these big dramatic changes overnight where everything is different. You wake up and you're living in a new city and a new house with a new partner and a new job. It doesn't look like that. This is about knowing that you have power in your life and looking for places in your life where things aren't working and saying, you know what, I'm going to put some effort and some intention and some focus on that area right there so that I can try to shift things a little bit. Because if we are thinking the same things, therefore we're acting the same way, we're just going to keep repeating the same type of things in our life over and over again. Unbeknownst to us, that we can make little tweaks, little implementations, little changes to the recipe that can actually yield some pretty cool results in our life. And even sometimes the results are minute. They're not very big, they're kind of small. We might think, well, you know, I'm looking for some big gnarly change. Well, keep this in mind too, that change happens slowly in many regards. Think about it in losing weight regards. It happens slowly, right? We don't go, oh, I'm gonna lose weight. We wake up and we're 40 pounds lighter. It just doesn't work that way. Healing our health, healing a relationship, going through school, getting the education that we is required for a particular career. All of these things take time and there's an evolution involved to them. Me becoming an outstanding hairstylist like I was. There was an evolution to that. I learned very minimal in my cosmetology school, and then I had to learn a lot hands-on and take further education and these types of things. So there was this progression to things. I believe when we give ourselves permission to be in process, not only ourselves as healing, evolving, growing individuals, but also see our life as a process. We take so much pressure off of ourselves. And we can kind of get happy in air quotes with where things are right now, because we know that things always are subject to change. But like I always say, I like to be in the front end of that change. I like to learn new things and apply new things so that I can have a say in what's changing. Okay, because there is change that's gonna happen whether we like it or not. Let's say you're in a relationship that's not doing well. Well, over time, it's just gonna continue to not do well. It's not like magically you're one day someone's gonna decide that, you know, they're gonna do everything differently. That's, I mean, it could happen, maybe with a near-death death experience or something like that. But for the most part, it doesn't because we are conditioned and wired in the brain, human beings, so we keep doing the same things over and over again. But what'll happen if that relationship is not going well is over time it's like this slow burn to the negative end till eventually everybody's either fed up, they hate each other, they're bitter, they're resentful, and then maybe the relationship eventually ends. If that's the destiny or that's where it's kind of headed anyway, I'm not saying this is for everybody, okay? There's no absolutes and things I'm talking about, just sharing stories and ideas for you. But let's say that's kind of the natural progression of how a lot of relationships end. What if you decided, you know what, this really sucks. I hate this, and I don't really like the way things are going, but I'm going to just kind of just gonna tweak a few things. I'm gonna change up this recipe a little bit and see if I can get a little different result, even if it's just a little bit. And that's exciting because when we do actually have a say in thing, in things, I will say, oftentimes we have to get out of our own way though, because if we've got stubbornness or pridness or any of those type of things in the way, we're just gonna cross our arms, arms over our chest, like, hmm, and we're just gonna sit here like this, we're not gonna budge, we're not gonna move, and we're just gonna stand in that particular stance, waiting for life to work some miracles and magic for you until you're willing to bend a little bit, to flow a little bit. I like to be in flow. I like to be in flow with life. Trying to think back, I as much as I would love to say I've been stubborn and steadfast and what have you, that's not a typical personality trait of mine, the way I've seen in other people. I'm sure I have been there in particular areas because I just thought I was right. I I know that feeling, but it's not like a standard trait of mine. But even knowing that feeling just a little bit, I know it didn't work. I know it didn't do me any good. So I thought, well, how about if I'm just in flow? How about if I'm in flux? How about if I'm in growth? How about if I'm in evolution? How about if I'm eyes wide open, brain wide open, heart wide, heart wide open, mind wide open to see if there's a different way. And guess what, you guys? There was always a different way. There's always an idea, there's always an option, there's always a new perception because everything is figure outable. The question is though, do I want to figure this out? Do I want to put the effort towards figuring this out? Do I care about this enough? Yes, it comes down to that, to be honest with you guys. Do I care about this enough? Is it a priority for me to figure this out? And if you're like me, in some areas of your life, you might be so exhausted because all of the running on the treadmill circular pattern that you've run with certain situations and people in your life, you're so exhausted from that, which is by the way, the old way, the cyclical pattern way, the buffering, the same thing, that you might be like, I just don't really have the energy to even want to figure this out, or to try to figure this out. Let me say that. I'm not sure I have the energy to even want to try to figure this out. We might want it, we might desire it, we might go, hush, in my greatest dreams, that would be great, but I'm so exhausted. I want you to consider this. This is going to be a paradigm shift, a pretty cool thing I'm going to say here. You're exhausted because you kept doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different result. When we keep trying and we experiment and we're the mad scientist and we're switching things up and we're trying things and we're working on self, I can say this with pretty much absolute certainty that you are going to notice improvements on some level or in some regard. There's going to be an improvement. There's going to be a little something, and you're going to have that moment because you're a brilliant, aware, intelligent being. You're going to have that moment in your head where you're like, huh, I saw that. And this is where we can't let the ego come in and say, that was just a one-off. That was just a fluke. They're just going to go back to the way things were, or it's just going to go back to the way things are. We might think that. The ego might say that to us, but we have to go, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, ego, slow down. Slow down. I did something different and I got a different result. It might be minute. It might be a whisper. It might be a little fluttering in the in the wind. But I saw it. So that means what I'm doing is working. And when we have those results start to come in, that's when it gets exciting, you guys. But we have to be willing to do that first. If we're in a defeatist mindset, that is a place that we basically just resign to the status quo. This is what it is. I'm not gonna bother anymore. Trust me, I've dabbled in that area too. All these things that I talk about with you all, I've I've dabbled in. There's no way that I could talk about this to the extent that I can, holding my phone, staring out my window, if I hadn't experienced it myself. I've been in defeat. I have. But there's something about me that's like, mmm, I don't like the way it feels. And being a person who is very in touch with my feelings, my emotion, my body, if I don't like the way something feels, I'm gonna figure out a way not to feel that. Same goes true for when I quit eating gluten many, many, many years ago. I'm not celiac, but my body didn't like it because I think it's American bread and because I can eat things that are flown in from Italy just fine. But anyway, my body was having a huge problem and I was swelling and doing all these other things and my digestion, blah, blah, blah. I didn't like the way it felt. So I started to look at other options. And guess what? I found a lot of gluten-free products were worse. They were actually worse because they had so much fake stuff in it, so many fillers and additives to try to make them taste good, that didn't do me any good either. So I just basically quit eating stuff like that altogether until I found other options. But my point is, I didn't like the way I felt. So if you think of somebody who has heartburn and they just deal with it and they just pop Tums like it's going out of style. They've got the gallon Tums jar, okay, or the Pepto or whatever. I've seen this before. It was friends of partners. They just had Tums everywhere they went. There's an option. There's an option. You don't have to walk around with an upset stomach all the time. You don't have to walk around with heartburn all the time. I've had heartburn. Yeah, I got my first heartburn probably late 30s. I didn't even know what it was. I didn't even know what it was. I don't have it anymore. But here's the thing, I didn't like it. I didn't like the way it felt. I'm like, this, I'm gonna figure this out. And I did. I figured it out. I don't have it anymore. So my point is to you is that once the pain of staying the same outweighs the desire for effort, how do I say this? The the work that it's going to require, the intention that it's going to require. When you're finally like, you know what? I don't want to live like this anymore, whether it's mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, whatever it might be, I just don't like this anymore. Then the brain is automatically, when you say, I don't want this anymore, I'm done. Your mind is open, your heart is open, your energy has shifted. And guess what? The brain starts looking for solution. So I'm gonna ask you, are you solution-oriented? Are you curiosity-oriented? Or are you defeatist-oriented? Are you give up oriented? And if you are, this is not a judgment. Shame free zone here. Never. This is only about awareness. But if you're like, yeah, I tend to throw in the towel, I tend to give up, I can tend to be a little bit lazy, that's okay. You're right here in this talk right now. You're listening to this. And that means that there's a part of you that doesn't really want to be like that anymore. There's a part of you that's curious, there's a part of you that knows there's another option. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening to this. There's a part of you that wants this motivation, this encouragement, this inspiration to try something different. Otherwise, you would click right out of it and it would be a done deal. So remember, the defeatist mindset resigns, gives in, gives over, sits down, puts their feet up and says, Nope. But the curiosity mindset experiments. They try new things. I'm gonna take a pause right there and read a back channel from our beloved Sally, who said, I was raised to believe that quitting was a terrible thing, that quitters never prosper. I believed it and I stuck with things, jobs, relationships, etc., that were not healthy, good for me, and or made me unhappy because I wasn't a quitter. Finally, I've learned that shifting is not quitting, it's moving forward. Sally, you need your own talk show. I'm just saying. Yes. Oh, that's a whole thing in and of itself. We should probably talk about that. But talking about when's it time to quit, when's it time to keep keep going? I think there's an amazing distinction that needs to be made in there. Because yes, when we're taught taught to never quit, we don't quit, right? We just don't quit because we were taught, our brain says, you don't do that, you stay, no matter how unhealthy it is. What if the curiosity mindset says, what if your next best option, what if your experimentation leads you to quitting or stepping back or creating space? See what I'm saying? I hope that makes sense. So instead of like it's an all or nothing thing, I have to say 100%, and I'm not saying this to Sally, Sally, obviously you have this figured out, but I don't have to leave 100%, I don't have to stay 100%. But what if I can try something different within this weird zone that I'm in, with this gap that I'm in where I don't like, I'm not where I was, but I'm not where I would like to be. I'm in this strange gap. What does this mean for me? Do you guys know sometimes the experimentation is actually leaving? That's a big experiment, right? Like what would happen? Or what would happen if I start aiming towards that direction? Maybe I don't even tell the job, the person, the relationship, what if I just start positioning my energy towards leaving? I have seen miraculous things happen in jobs and relationships because when somebody pulls their energy back, it's felt because we feel energy and we feel each other and something feels shifting. And sometimes the receiving end of that, whether it's a you know a boss or a relationship, they feel it and they're like, uh-oh, this is a different energy than what I felt before. This is different. What if they leave and then things start to improve because they feel that? I don't know. I don't have your answers. All I know is that when we become the mad scientist of our life, we are actually putting ourselves in the power seat. We are reclaiming our personal power, we are choosing agency, but we're also living from our creative space. And that's what I think is amazing. Our curious space and our creative space. We have access to an extreme amount of resources these days. This is an exciting time. By the way, I always have to disclaim be careful about Chat GPT, because just the other day I typed something in and I asked it a question, I can't remember what it was. Then it gave me an answer and I went, mmm, and I wrote back, I don't think that's true. And then it was like, no, you're right. And then it changed its thing. Okay, Chat GPT is just doing its best. Use it lightly, but there, but I use it for a lot of things. Like I made a new dressing, a salad dressing. Chat GPT, give me a really simple, clean um balsamic vinaigrette. Boom, here's my thing. Everybody loves it. It's good for things, and it's good to to research and do that too. Ask for sources. That's what I do. I'm I've recently started asking for sources. So I'm just throwing that out there because this is an AI, AI heavy world right now. Oh my gosh. I watched a video the other day on YouTube and it was about quantum entanglement. I know. This is KB's brain. I was curious about it, and it was a girl, and she was like, This is what I did, and learning this changed my life. And as I'm watching this, and the the name of the channel was a girl's name. It was like Luna Elizabeth or something. And she was this cute Asian girl, and I'm watching her and I'm going, she she ain't real. She's AI. I got into the comments, and everybody was like, This is AI, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I thought, wow. It's just, it's just fascinating how fake our world is becoming. So just be mindful, you guys. We have wisdom, intelligence, we have spiritual truths, we have the ancient wisdom. Oh my gosh, it's everywhere. Just be mindful of your sources. But my point is, is that we have extreme amounts of resources these days. There's so many places that we can go and to figure it out, at least figure out a next best step based on a perception shift, a new idea, new information. Holy moly, I think that's one of my great why I learning is one of my great loves is because when I learn something I didn't know before, it excites me. I'm like, wow, okay, now we got a new idea. Now we can do something differently. I've never been someone who loves cooking. It's just not my love. Some people love, love, love it, and they want to cook all the time and all the things. I do it because I have to, type situation. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. So I decided, you know what? How can I make this more exciting to me? How can I make this more fun? So I started trying new recipes. I was getting new like an emulsifier. I got I got new gadgets because I make bean soup and then they want you to emulsify a little bit to make it creamy, you know, all these types of things. You know, I try new gadgets and I get excited about it. And of course, I love to eat clean. I eat 100% clean, or I would say 95% clean. Let me put it that way. I do my very best to eat clean. So I look up clean recipes and I get excited and I'm watching the way I'm going off about this, but my point is that it's not something that I love, but I started to learn new things and then cooking started to become exciting to me. I want you to understand that you have the power to figure out how to improve your health. You have the power how to figure out how to lose weight, how to create healthier relationships, how to leave an unhealthy dynamic. We can figure out how to land an ideal job, how to become great parents, how to heal rifts in relationships, how to be an Iron Man. You guys know what an Iron Man is? It's a triathlon that is, and don't quote me about all these, but it's like a two and a half mile swim, it's a hundred-mile bike ride, and a marathon, a 26-mile run. You can figure out how to do this. There is so many resources at our fingertips, and a lot of it, y'all, is free. And that's what's most exciting. The question is: do you want to be the mad scientist in your life? Do you want to stop wishing and start creating? Start testing, start theorizing, start trying new things. Now, this will require determination. This will require that we have a design. Desire, we keep our eye on a prize. We're like, you know what? I really want this. I'm really done with this other way that things are. And I really want this. What are you convicted about? I can tell you with certainty, today, year to date, life to date, the things that I was convicted about, they may have taken some time, but I got there. I got them in some capacity. It it showed up. Many of those things took time. But I didn't look at time. I just said, you know what? I'm going to keep trying new things. And by the way, it was that experimentation that was exciting to me. Like I mentioned earlier, because things started to change. And when things started to change, even slightly, I was like, ooh, I would get really excited. I'm like, look at this. And that's one of the ways that I figured out that I had power, that I actually could, I did have a say in my life. And that's what I really want you to hear today. Sally, welcome. Thanks for coming. Good morning. So what's up, Sally? What brought you up? I'm so glad you came.

Sally 23:07

So this is just an interesting, you know, topic as as far as my journey. I spent a lot of my life, like I said, you know, I'm not a quitter. You don't quit. And I went through and, you know, I was in a marriage for 20 blah, blah, blah years that was not a good one. But I wasn't going to quit. I turned 50 a while back, and I woke up and I said, you know what? Not happy. Nothing in my life. I am not happy with my job. I'm not happy with my marriage. I'm not happy. And then I was like, well, my happiness is my responsibility. So what do I do to fix it? That was like the turning point.

Kristen 23:52

Love it.

Sally 23:53

And I actually went to therapy to figure it out. And I went to therapy with the attitude of how do I fix my marriage? And after a couple years, I realized there's no fixing it. And it was time to move on. That was so liberating. Yes. Such a big change. It was a big step. But once you take that first big one, the other ones get easier. I don't know. And so in the 12 years since I did that, I've moved a continent and a half an ocean away from where I grew up and born and raised, all my friends and family to start a new life because I just felt called. No, no particular reason. No, I was just like, no, I'm you know, I I came here for vacation. I was like, oh wait, I'm supposed to be here. And we've been here now for well over six years. And I suppose.

Kristen 24:57

Which island are you on?

Sally 24:58

Big island. Of Hawaii.

Kristen 25:01

Mm-hmm.

Sally 25:01

Yeah. And so I started a bakery when we moved here because it was pandemic and farmers markets was the only place to work, and it's a vegan gluten-free bakery.

Kristen 25:15

Wow.

Sally 25:16

And then recently I just shifted again because I wasn't feeling well and I wasn't just shifted my diet. Started, you know, dropping some inflammation, some weight, and things like that, and just feeling better. My partner's feeling better. And so I'm like, you know what? This this baking, it's not aligned with me anymore. So now what do I do? So now I'm back in school. I'm gonna be uh I'm training via a uh plant-based nutrition coach. Nice. So, you know, it's like sometimes you just gotta take the leap, and sometimes you just gotta know in your heart of hearts that you're going the right direction, even when everybody else is saying, I don't know. That seems big, that seems wrong. That seems like nope, I know this is this is it. Trust yourself.

You are powerful beyond measure!

Guest Two: Jennifer

Kristen 26:04

Yes, you do know. I agree with that completely, and I love that you talk about taking the leap. And for everybody that taking the leap is there's varying degrees of this for everybody. So some people, what might be teeny tiny for someone might be really big for somebody else. So this is not about judging. Again, this is all about us, what it means for us. And I love that it sounds like you've had several reinventions or experimentations where you're like, you know, I just want to feel better in whatever area this is. Like you said, even with the bakery. You started the bakery and you're like, yeah, not quite doing it for me anymore. I'm gonna try something else. Yes. Oh, you timed out, Sally, but thank you so much for coming up and sharing that. I love that share. Taking the time, guys, trying things out, but really at the core, going within and asking yourself powerful questions, being really, really in touch with you. Right, jumping back into the point of that we are powerful beyond measure. What I mean by that is that human potential is not limited to what we've already lived or to what is just crossing our path. And what I mean by that is, you know, we just have to accept what comes our way. Human potential is really rooted in curiosity, in dreams, and desires. That's where it starts. It starts there, and then we get to flex our muscle, if you will, and try new things and do new things. I do know this with 100% certainty. Dreams, desires don't come into our heart out of nowhere for no reason. To me, it is rooted in and connected to source energy, to our consciousness, to who we are as a soul. So many times these things come to people and they're like, yeah, I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that, I'm not enough this, I'm not enough that. I can't do it. These dreams wouldn't come into our heart if they were not there for a purpose. So when we start to thrive in life, it's not because of luck, it's because of alignment, it's because of experimentation. Hey Jennifer, welcome.

Jennifer 28:27

Hoping Laura gets it figured out too, because I love hearing from her. Yeah. Um gosh, Kristen, this is just such a great conversation. Um, and I'm glad you said curiosity, and because that's something that in this iteration of me has been really what what drives things. Um for me, it's curiosity about people, and and I just love it. I love meeting people and talking to new people and doing things I'm curious about. Um and that's kind of how the whole nonprofit came about. I never in my life thought that A, I would be a realtor and build a real estate business, and then B, leave that and during the pandemic, um, you know, and increase my volunteering, which I've always done, which turned into a full-time job, and then it turned into a nonprofit. And I'm connecting with so many interesting people and learning about them. And the more I learn about people from all walks of life, um a gentleman who is who is homeless, um Ben calls him master sergeant because that was his rank when he left the military. And and he's amazing. Um, but he's also had some real struggles with PTSD and some other things. Yeah, but he's he's he's working really hard and he's getting a lot of help. And I've been able to connect him with people. And he called me the other day for another connection. You know, this is do you know anyone? Yes, I do. And it's just how do I know someone who is an attorney, um, a public defender, who actually has a nonprofit helping people who are unsheltered, helping them bridge the gaps that are out there so they can get back on their feet. And I met her because, gosh, how did I even meet her? We were at a a meeting together, and I thought what she said was interesting, and I walked up to after her and started talking to her, and then we had lunch, and now we have lunch every few months, and she's been able to help a lot of people I know. It's just this amazing curiosity, and it's driven me into being having a nonprofit, and it's just amazing.

Kristen 30:45

I'm gonna I gotta jump in because you just said there's a woman out there, and and correct me if I get this wrong, who helps people bridge the gap from homelessness to to getting back into the functioning world. Is that what I'm hearing?

Jennifer 30:59

Yes, yes. She is a public defender, and she was seeing in her experience that people would get they would get a ticket for falling asleep on a park bench, and they can't pay it because they're homeless, and then because they can't pay it, they end up, you know, in default. And then they are there's a warrant put out for their arrest, and then they get in jail because they didn't have the money to pay for falling asleep on a park bench. Yep. Um, and so she intervened and she saw things like this over and over. And so she started something called homeless court in here in town, and it's an alternative court for people who are unsheltered to keep them out of the criminal justice system and help them recover whatever it is they need. You know, why don't you have that's amazing? Why don't you have a job? Well, I lost all of my identification when my bag was stolen, and I can't because I carry everything in my bag, and now I can't get a job. Why can't you get your license back or your ID back? Well, it's $20 and I don't have it. And so she fundraises and helps people get identification, she does social security cards, all kinds of things, and her attorney fees are free, and she has people who sponsor the fees, and then she helps connect them with jobs. That's amazing. Yeah, and it's incredibly productive, and it's to keep people out of the criminal justice system.

Kristen 32:27

Everything is figure outable. She found a way.

Jennifer 32:31

And so when you're curious, you meet these people. And last night, after Tuesday, my crazy Tuesday serving downtown cooked for a hundred some people. It was insane all day. And then I ran down there and I had to get dressed up nicely and throw an apron on, serve for an hour, jump in the car, drive an hour and 40 minutes to Ben's school, but I just dropped him off on Sunday, because one of his criminal justice professors was doing a lecture on the root causes of homelessness and policies that affect it. And so I ran up there and I have to tell you this little story. Can I come right back? Yep, yep, come on back.

Kristen 33:06

Wow.

Jennifer 33:07

So Ben, who's been volunteering with me, my son in the picture there, um, for years and and knows these people well, invited me to come to this lecture. There were all kinds of professors there. I will tell you, it was so cool. Two of his three of his professors were there, and they came up and said how much they love having him in class, how curious he is, curious, he's curious, he asks questions, and he's never going to be a great scholar. His it just isn't who he is, right? But but he is curious about people and problem solving and wants to help. And so, me being me, I heard that the profess or the uh president of the university was there. So I looked up his picture and then on the way out stopped to say hello and introduce myself and Ben. We end up talking outside the three of us for 30 minutes. It turns out that the the president of the university, he noticed that Ben was the only, there were several students there, and Ben was the only one who asked questions. He asked repeated questions, and he could tell how curious he was. And so he asked Ben questions about himself, which led to talking about why Ben was interested in homelessness and volunteering. The president of the university said, When I was 15, I became homeless, and I was homeless for three years by myself. At 18, I had to get my first apartment, and he couldn't get one before that because he was 15. Fast forward, he has three degrees, he's highly accomplished and accredited, and the president of this university, and he wants to kind of take Ben under his wing. Oh wow. And it happened because of curiosity. Ben's not not like this huge scholar, but he's he loves what he's interested in, you know, and does super well at it. And it's just if you're curious and you ask questions and you meet people, you learn that everyone has a story. President of the university is in Columbia, he said about once a week, and he wants to meet me for coffee at the coffee shop run by the people who support the homeless in town. That's amazing.

Kristen 35:12

That's so cool. This just seems to keep expanding. That's what I'm seeing happening over here.

Jennifer 35:17

It does, it does. And a dear friend of mine who's running for governor here in South Carolina, uh, he's a young guy, was grew up in South Central LA, should be a statistic, lost family members, brothers, father to gun violence, drugs, and prison. Um, got out somehow through a coach, knowing seeing his basketball potential. Fast forward, he went to the College of Charleston, he was a superstar, ended up for a stint in small stint in the NBA, and then now he has his bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees, and he's running for governor, and he was homeless for most of his youth. And I'm putting the two of them together to talk about policy issues and how education can help, how college education at the state level can help these issues. That's it's so exciting, Kristen. It's so exciting.

Kristen 36:06

So I'm speechless, literally. I'm like, I'm just shaking my head left and right, going like the the miracles of the universe, how things align. Because I just remember for the past couple of weeks, you've just been saying, I love what I do. I'm so blessed. I'm so grateful. I'm so blessed. This is what happens, you guys, when we're blessed and grateful. More, more, more comes.

Jennifer 36:26

And meet people and ask questions and reveal things about yourself because then they reveal things about themselves. We don't have to put masks on, it's incredible.

Kristen 36:36

Yeah.

Jennifer 36:37

So take off the mask, get curious. And when I left Ben's dad, I was not quitting something, I was saving myself, my soul, and my son's future. It was the right thing too.

Kristen 36:49

Right.

Jennifer 36:49

And it was close with his dad now. It was the right thing. So yes, we can do it.

Guest Three: Jeanette

Kristen 36:57

Absolutely. Without knowing what's ahead. Yes, yes. Thank you so much, Jennifer. That was um very inspiring. Well, I like sometimes I don't have the words when you guys speak because I'm just so in the feels of it and just cheering and smiling over here that you guys don't see me do. Oh, it's kind of good you don't see me sometimes because sometimes I look pretty bad. Welcome, Jeanette. Thank you for waiting in the queue and being patient. I appreciate you.

Jeanette 37:27

Hey, it's good to be here. In my life, like growing up and I'd say all the way up to my late 40s, I lived by sacrificing myself for whatever else. So, in in all areas of my life, I sacrificed myself in my job, in my marriage, in parenting, in my friendships, in my church life. That and it I I can see why that happened. It was kind of a an unwritten rule in the family that I grew up in. That that was the way to be, it was noble and the the only way to find meaning. And and I leaned really heavily into that. So I got a big time chronic illness, and it it just seemed so like, of course you did, to me now. But at the time I was I was very confused, very, very confused. And the illness that I got is heavily influenced by the nervous system, and so it it just all makes so much sense to me now. And since then, as I have recovered, I wouldn't say I'm all the way recovered, but a lot of a a fair fair way into it. My life is now built on what I want to do, what brings me joy, what I'm interested in, what I'm curious about. You know, I don't help my friend because that's the right thing to do and it's noble, and I don't have the resources or the energy, but I'm gonna do it anyways. I help my friend because I have the energy, and I have the resources, and I want to do it, or I don't do it. Good for you. And I I just have a lot of compassion for that prior me that felt like she had to. Yep. That that was the only way to be a good person.

Kristen 39:27

It was it kind of unconscious, too. It's not like you consciously said, I gotta go be a good person. It was just sort of built into your structure. Is that how it worked for you?

Jeanette 39:37

It it was it was both, actually. I mean, I remember I was like 19 years old, and my dad said to me, Jeanette, you know, all I want for you is for you to be happy. And I said to him, happiness is optional. That was my response.

Kristen 39:54

You were 19.

Jeanette 39:56

Yeah. So it was just deeply, deeply ingrained, but it burned me out. It made you sick, made me sick, and I do feel like there's something more integrous and honest about being this is who I am, this is how I'm made, this is what makes me happy, and I'm gonna do it. Then I'm gonna force myself and wear myself out.

Kristen 40:27

When you've been, when a person has been on both sides of that stick, as you and as me, there's a feeling to it that's hard to describe. It's like we know the constriction and the the tightness and the sadness and all the stuff that goes along with sacrificing over and over again. But that other side, can you describe that in words? Like where it's you really are honoring you. Like, can you describe that, Jeanette? Aptly? I I know it's really hard to describe.

Jeanette 41:01

I'll say a few things. There, there's so much joy and so much gratitude, especially having been where I've been. Gratitude for being able to live this way, for being allowed to live with this way, having this opportunity to do it, having this time. And one of the big things for me, because my illness was chronic fatigue syndrome.

Kristen 41:26

Come back up, Jeanette. You're timing out. Right when your wind kicked up, it kicked you right off the stage. So come on in. All right, so you had chronic fatigue, okay.

Jeanette 41:37

Yeah, so when you are sacrificing in all areas, the energy does not come to you. What you organically go to, what brings you joy, what you find meaning in, the energy naturally comes into you to do those things. Yes. I will say, just because um divorce has been kind of a theme, for many years I I blamed my ex-husband for our divorce because I was so angry at the things he did, and I could point at them, and people could say, Yes, those are bad things he did. You know, but today I take responsibility for it. I am actually the one who ended it. Even though at the at you know, back then I would say, well, it was because of the things that he did that I had to end it. No, I I did end it. I made that choice, and I made that choice because after years of trying, I became convinced it just wasn't gonna work, and I had to stop the damage that it was causing.

Kristen 42:45

Yes. Some point we got to cut our losses.

Jeanette 42:49

Yeah.

Kristen 42:51

Stop the bleeding.

Jeanette 42:54

So that is something that I was willing to do for myself before I got sick. I was willing to stop some of the damage, but it wasn't until after I got so sick that I was willing to love me enough to live the way I wanted to live. Beautiful, Jeanette.

Life is a draft - not a verdict

Calls to action

Kristen 43:16

All right, guys. Love you. Bye. Thank you so much, Janelle. Love you so much. Thank you for coming up and finishing that. Once again, sitting here with my eyes closed and just hand on the heart, just drinking in every word. And you can feel her Jeanette's energy and her joy and her excitement. I mean, it was just like oozing out of her pores. And I wanted to bask in that and marinate in that while she was talking because that was really, really beautiful. I love how she laid that whole thing out. And I really don't have anything to add to it because it was that so full bodied. So thank you so much for that, Jeanette. I want you all to understand that life is not a Verdict, it's more of a draft, and you can change that draft, and you can write a second draft and a third draft. The question isn't can this change? The question is, am I willing to become the kind of person who's interested in finding and testing and experimenting with new ways? Life is not a verdict, it is a draft. Everything is figure outable. The cure, the fix, it doesn't always happen in one fell swoop. It happens from tiny little winds along the way, little energetic shifts, little changes in behaviors, little things where synchronicities start coming, tiny miracles that we see everywhere. That's when we know it's working. And when we get to feel those, they're very motivational. They promote you to want to do more hopefully. Like I said, you can fluff it off. But typically, the person who has put the effort into learning, to gathering more research, to getting more information, talking to people, reading, they really want the change because there's a lot of energy that has to go into that, right? So when the change happens, it's like, oh, that was really great. But I'm gonna encourage you and invite you, not force you and not make you, but encourage you and invite you to keep going. Keep going. There is so much out there in this world for you. There is so much out here. Problems can hypnotize us, but solution and wins energize us. The same mind that created the situation that we're in cannot solve it without new input. Be willing to find that input. Try things. Sometimes with recipes, things don't work. And then we have to adjust them a little bit and then add something else. I will tell you, probably 100% of the time when I try a new recipe, I'll do it how they tell me to. After I do, I'll go next time add this, do this, take this out, whatever. I will write things down and then I rewrite the whole recipe. So it becomes my recipe. You get to rewrite your recipes. You can get to decide what works for you and doesn't work for you and where you want change. Aim for it. Set that goal on your GPS, aim for it. Give yourself grace. Try new things. Get excited about it. Remember the Dr. Phil commercial, and he would say, get excited about your life. I love that. I love that he used to say that. Get excited about your life. It's your life. As far as we know, we only have one. We may have more. Sometimes I joke about past lives and stuff, but I don't really know for sure. Right now, all I know is that we have one. And you have so much power. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that you are deity individuated. You are a child of God. You are a spin-off of source energy. However, you want to describe it. We are connected to infinite possibilities and divine intelligence. There's a reason for that. So that we can solve and figure things out and move ourselves away from things that aren't working and towards things that are working. So remember that. Thank you all so much for being here, joining me every single day. I love you, I appreciate you, I know your time is valuable, and the fact that you choose to spend it with me honors me very, very deeply. If you're listening to this on another podcasting platforms like Apple Podcasts or Spotify, I invite you to pop over to the review store, leave a five-star rating and review so that this podcast can gain more traction. It's fairly new. And until next time, remember that you matter, that you have all the power that you need. Much love, everybody.