How to Eliminate Self-Doubt and Build Unshakeable Confidence

Confidence is not something we are born with. It’s something we build. 

In this powerful episode, we’re diving into the truth about confidence, self-doubt, fear, shame, vulnerability, and why so many people wait to feel “ready” before going after the life they truly want.

If you constantly second-guess yourself, seek approval before taking action, replay conversations in your head, or avoid opportunities because you’re afraid of failing or being judged, this talk is for you.

You’ll learn why confidence is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to move forward despite it and how your brain literally rewires itself every time you take courageous action.

In today’s episode, you’ll learn:

✨ Why confidence cannot be handed to you by other people

🙌 Why your future confidence is hiding inside the actions you’re avoiding 

🧠 How the brain builds confidence 

🚶‍♀️ Why taking action BEFORE you feel ready is the secret to growth

🔥 The surprising evidence that you are expanding

💡 The baby steps that build true confidence

And boat loads more!

This episode is a reminder that confidence is not something you magically wake up with one day. And how you have everything you need to build unshakeable confidence that will move the needle in your life. You are far more capable than fear led you to believe. And what's waiting on the other side for you is 🤌🏻!

For FREE Resources, 📖 Book Link, 📝 Self-Love Quiz, 👚 Self-Love Merch Shop, 🗣️ 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

_____________________

Hey Soul Sibling!

If you're enjoying this podcast, I would super appreciate if you popped your lil awesome self over to the app store and leave a 5 star rating and review. Your reviews help my pod reach other self-healing seekers just like you!

With much gratitude,

KB 🦋

Transcript

Kristen 0:00

Hello, hello, everyone. Greetings to you. My name is Kristen Brown. I'm a personal development and self-healing author, healer, and mentor. And I am the author of the international number one bestseller, The Recovering People Pleaser. And through a blend of live wisdom, neuroscience, and universal truths, I help people rediscover their true worth and reclaim their personal power. My motto is simple: all change happens on the inside first. And when you change your inner world, you change your life. Self-doubt, what a great topic. I believe that there's probably nobody on this planet that has not experienced self-doubt because our brain is wired to protect us from risk and uncertainty. So when we're stepping into something unfamiliar, the mind is naturally going to pause to evaluate whether it is safe. And sometimes it's going to kick up a big old fuss. And it's going to try to tell you that you're not good enough, you can't do this, don't go there, you're not as good as these other people. What if you make a fool out of yourself? All those things. And that pause can feel like that something is wrong. Okay? It's going to be like, oops, something is wrong. You might hesitate, you might question, you might second guess. And it's important to understand that self-doubt is not necessarily a sign of weakness or a lack of ability. It's important to know that the brain is just warning you that you're entering a zone that you have not entered before. Self-doubt is often really misunderstood. And it was by me as well. It definitely was by me. And my goodness, if I had my share of self-doubt, I mean, all throughout my life in so many different capacities. And if it's serving, I will share some of those stories throughout this talk today. Because I feel like, you know, when you see another person go through something and then what they do, and I believe it can be inspiring. It can make you think, you know what, if they did that, I can do this type situation. So most people assume when self self-doubt shows up that it must mean that they are not capable, they are not ready, or that they are not good enough. But self-doubt, honestly, is rarely a true reflection of your ability. More often, it appears that you are standing on the edge of your growth. It's just not familiar to you yet. It's outside of that familiar version of yourself. And like I mentioned, this is when the mind gets to kicking up a fuss, but it's not because you're incapable. It's because you're stepping into territory that your brain has not yet learned to recognize as safe. So here's a quick story. Let's talk about my public speaking journey. This app had a predecessor app and it was called Wisdom. And I was invited to Wisdom in its beta stage. This is, I'm gonna guess, I think it was 2021. I think it was 2021. Yeah, it was 2021. Was it? Anyway, it doesn't matter. I got invited to this app and I didn't know what it was. I was actually taking a group of people through a course at that time. So I didn't start like right at the day one of it, but it was, you know, about maybe a month in, a couple weeks later when I finished that course with people that I stepped into this app. And boy, oh boy, was I scared. I, the fear, I can't even tell you. The self-doubt, the you're gonna look like an idiot, people aren't gonna understand you. It was coming and it came hard, and it came for a long time. I want you to know that it came for a long time. But I kept going and I kept persevering and I kept speaking and I kept every time I, you know, I was inspired. I would only speak back then when I felt inspired. It was like I have to feel like, you know, magnificently inspired. And I did most of my talks while I was walking. So I'd get on and I was inspired, but before I did, often I had to have big conversations with myself. Sometimes I even had to do EFT, emotional freedom technique, tapping. I had to tap because I was so incredibly scared because I doubted myself. And why? Because I had not been a public speaker. I had not shared in a live capacity. I had done it in other ways. I had blogs, I was uh created, I was a podcaster, which is why I was invited. They were inviting up certain podcasters to open up the app. And so I was speaking, but man, I was speaking in a way that I could edit, right? I could edit out what I was saying. And even still, I was scared after uploading it and hitting go. That was super scary to me, too. But as you guys know, and those of you who have followed me for quite some time now, I come on now, Monday through Friday. I speak for an hour or longer. I've also done couple hour YouTube lives. I've done so many live things. I've had I've had live groups in my home and I've had them online. And here I am. Here I am. The doubt is not there anymore. Well, let me just say this. Sometimes it does, sometimes it creeps in, but it's overridable now. And I remember the time too, way back in the day. Gosh, this was 2011, I was invited to come on a live morning show here in Arizona. It was called Sonoran Living Live. And it was a live morning show. It wasn't taped, and they couldn't delete your segment if you messed up. This was in an era of my life where I was deciding to say yes to any new opportunity. So when one of my hair clients called me, she was an OBGYN, and the morning show host was her patient. And she said that her patient had told her, her name was Andy, and she said she said that she was looking for someone who could speak about this particular topic, this and this. And Susan called me and she said, You know what, would you like to do this? And I said yes without even thinking about it. I'm like, yeah, sure, it sounds great. I hung up the phone and I flipped out. But I had like a month. There was a quite a bit of time between saying yes and actually doing the event. So I kind of put it out of my mind. I sort of ignored it. And, you know, I did the things that I was supposed to do because you're supposed to send them questions to ask you and things like this. I did all the things. But then the morning of, oh my gosh, I was my brain was doing everything it possibly could to get me out of this. I was thinking, tell them that I'm super sick, tell them I have the flu, tell them I have diarrhea, tell them my car won't start, tell them this, tell them that. It was a live show. So those things would be a problem. I waited to the last possible minute to get in the shower and get myself ready. And I remember the drive there. All I remember that drive there was talking to my ego the entire time. I was just talking to my ego. I was telling it to quiet down. I was telling it that I was okay, that I could do this, et cetera, et cetera. By the way, I was invited back, I think, four more times, which is so weird to me. I hardly even remember these. It's it's so long ago. And I think I was in some sort of weird fear state. I did okay. I did okay. They kept inviting me back, and they referred me to another station for something else that they wanted. But my point is that I remember walking in there, like kind of out of body. And they're like, okay, Kristen, your turn, because you you do you are in the green room. There, the green room is real. I came up on the stage, and that day, you guys, they had a live audience. They don't typically have live audiences, and there they were, all these people sitting in. I was like, what? So it was like double trouble for me. And I remember looking at these cameras. By the way, they're they're as big as T-Rex's. They're they were huge. And there was about four of them positioned around the stage. And I'm looking at these cameras, and I'm just, I'm in this state of awe. Anyway, I did the talk. I did find it's like a three to five minute segment. They're not long, but that, and it flew by. But on the drive home, and while I was walking out of there, I was as high as a kite. I was like, oh my gosh, that was so much fun. I love this. This is amazing. That was great. This is what I want to do. Because I pushed through. And then over time, you know, here we are. Okay, so I'm gonna first ask you guys some questions that might reveal self-doubt. I don't even know if this is necessary because those of you already know, most of you already know, oh, I doubt myself. Oh my gosh, yes, I'm scared. Oh, I don't think I'm ready or I'm capable. I spoke to someone yesterday who's interested in writing a book, and they reached out to me and they said, Hey, I'm interested in writing a book. And can I pick your brain about it? I was like, absolutely, you can pick my brain about it. And I was so incredibly excited for them. But what comes into your head when you want to do something like that? Can I really do this? Is it gonna be enough? I don't want to sound like this person. Like all of these things can come into our head. The the doubt starts to kick in. So I am gonna get into, I believe there's I have five points about how to work with that. But first we're gonna talk about the questions. So number one, do you frequently second guess your decisions even after you have already made them? Who has that? Who second guesses? Number two, yeah, okay, there we go. All right, great guys. Number two, do you wait to take action until you feel you are completely confident or certain? That's a big one, too. Do you wait to take action until you feel completely confident or certain? Do you look to others for reassurance before doing the thing you want to do or trusting your own judgment? Do you look to others for reassurance? Do you sometimes avoid great, you guys? Thank you so much for all the emojis. Do what was the other one? Do you sometimes avoid opportunities taking chances or expanding on your inspiration because you worry, you might look stupid, you might fail, or you might embarrass yourself. This was one of those moments that with the Snow Warn Living Life. I said yes because I was decided I was gonna say yes to all these opportunities. Yes, yes, yes. And then what happened? I was like, oh my God, what are you doing, Kristen? It was so far outside of me. I can't even tell you. Wouldn't even give a presentation in high school. I would take an F rather than get up and speak in front of the class. It was bad for me, you guys, really bad. Okay, our friend Jeanette said, I used to wait for feeling ready, not anymore. Excellent. Great. Yes, that feeling ready. I think that's really common. I'm just not ready. And I've heard that a lot with a lot of people. I'm just not ready. I'm just not ready. I'm just not ready. Well, the conversation that we had yesterday, I forgot the title of it, but I remember one of the quotes there is now is how. Now is how, right? Okay. The last one is do you compare yourself to others and conclude you don't have what they have? So this must mean that you're not capable. KB. Oh yeah, I was in a comparison trap, especially because I was becoming a public speaker, I was becoming a social media person, I was giving talks on the predecessor app here, and then this app. And I was comparing myself to other YouTubers that were like me and all these types of things, and my videos didn't look the same, and oh my gosh, I have to do this and do that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all these things. And I was always concluding that I wasn't good enough. I always was concluding that. And I will say though, that I did actually push through because I'm just kind of risky that way. I did push through, but I'll tell you, all those things were super real. So if self-doubt, y'all, isn't a judgment about our ability, what is it actually telling us? So we're gonna dive into a few important ideas that can completely change how we understand it. And I think when you hear these, this is gonna make sense to you because you're all smart, you're all wise, you're all intelligent. You wouldn't be on these type of talks if you weren't, by the way. You're also a seeker and you're wanting change and you're wanting evolution. And that tells me that your mind is open and your heart is open. And an open heart and open mind is the pathway to change. I will stand on that hill for as long as I can possibly stand. I will stand there through rain, through sleet, through snow. I will stand there and stand there and stand there because when you have an open heart and open mind, that means that you're willing. You may not have gotten to a particular place yet. You may not be willing to implement something right yet. That's okay. Open heart, open mind is the key. And maintaining the open heart and open mind. Yeah, your brain might still be kicking up a fuss and playing tricks on you, and you got those old tapes playing in your head, and you might feel frozen. You could be in survival mode right now. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But you're here. And that's something that I will always, always commend you on 100%. It makes my eyes tear up. That's how freaking proud of you I am. Okay, so point one. Point one. I am suffering from allergies today, you guys. I feel like I have a brick sitting on my forehead as I was coming up the stairs. I'm like, whoa, what am I feeling? And I said, Oh, I know what I'm feeling. It's allergies. So I went and took my uh, I have an allergy nose spray that I take and I popped an allergy pill because it's been absolutely ridiculously gorgeous and sunny here, which means every little plant is blooming and this girl has seasonal allergies. So forgive me for my stumble, forgive me for my brain fog. Not that I feel like you're judging me at all because you guys are amazing, but I just wanted to throw that out there. So, point one self-doubt is a signal of expansion. Think about that. It's a signal of expansion, it means you're going somewhere, it means you want to stretch, it means you're entering an unknown arena. That's all it means. It's just a signal. And that, my beloved soul siblings, is amazing. So when we start to doubt, it's important to understand that it's not a final judgment of your capability, it's not a verdict, it's not a period. It's a dot, dot, dot. That's all it is. The one thing I know for sure, I know that anything that is put in my heart comes from the universe. It comes from God's source universe. That's where it comes from. It comes from my soul, it's part of my path, it's part of what I uh one of the best ways that I can expand my experience here on life, in life, okay? It is often a signal that you are stretching beyond your current identity. I had an identity that what I said was wouldn't matter, that I was gonna make a fool out of myself, that I was gonna stumble over my words, that I was gonna get confused. I don't know, you name it. I'm thinking of Sonoran living at this point. That was my current identity. I work towards that, and that identity will begin to shift. The brain is designed to protect us. That is its job. It's its primary job is for safety, not for growth, especially when that we're talking about that ego portion of the brain. It always wants to keep us small. And because of that, it's going to naturally always prefer what's familiar. Familiar feels safe. And this is the most crazy part, and one of the paradoxes, is even when familiar isn't actually what's good for you or what's serving you, or what's going to lead you to your best life. The brain keeps wanting to pull you back into familiar. So when you are stepping into something new, whether it's pursuing a personal goal, um entering into an arena that you've never been before, maybe it's going to the gym, maybe it's putting your artwork out online, maybe it's speaking up, becoming some type of public figure or social media personality. The brain is going to flag it. Flag, flag, flag, unfamiliar, unfamiliar, unfamiliar, scary, scary, scary. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I don't know what this is. You might die. That's literally how we feel. And that unfamiliarity can register in the body as doubt and hesitation and pausing and stopping. And in many cases, self-doubt increases precisely when growth is happening. So the closer you get to growth, the more that that doubt is going to kick in. So instead of interpreting doubt as failure, it can be useful to see it as just an indicator, just a signal, just a little sign. Last weekend we went to, we for um Christmas, we bought my son-in-law an opportunity to race high-performance cars. He's a big Porsche fan, Porsche, depending where you're from. It was Porsche when I was growing up. It's somewhere along the line, it turned into Porsche. So whatever it is for you. Nike, Nike. Who can relate to that? Wasn't it Nike when we were growing up? Now it's Nike. Okay. Anyway, I digress. So we bought him this. And then it was his Christmas gift. He was so incredibly excited. By the way, he kicked booty. He did such an amazing job. But anyway, we rented this little thing in the beginning. It's like a little 25-minute presentation. It's for the drivers, the people that are going to drive. And they tell you what the flags mean. They're like, okay, when you're here and you start to see the yellow, that means uh let off the gas. When you see green, that means give it gas. And when you see red, that means start to put the brace on. So each of those flags are a signal. That's all they are. That's exactly what the brain is doing. The brain is trying to signal you that you might be doing something that's scary, that you might be doing something that you're going to die if you do. Please understand that it's just your brain trying to alert you that there is something that's off or something that's different. It is not a verdict. It does not mean you are not supposed to do the thing you're supposed to do. I am here to tell you with the utmost of 1,000% certainty that if something is put in your heart, it's there for a reason. We are all capable of and have the ability and equipped with certain gifts and talents when we're here. That's how this world keeps thriving by each of us stepping into these certain talents. And it's no different whether you grow the most beautiful tomatoes on the planet, or you are sculpting a beautiful figurine, or you're a painter or a speaker or a singer or a gardener, whatever it might be, that's your gift to share with the world so that the world can have love, can have inspiration, and can experience passion and awe and beauty. So please consider that. Let me check my messages. Um, this person says, Does having ADHD increase the severity of self-doubt? I have a family member who is basically a hermit. Oh, that's a big question. That's a big question that I'm not sure I can answer in this talk. Number one, I'm not an ADHD specialist, so I don't know. But typically, people who hermit, so I can speak to this, they are people that are living in survival mode. They're very afraid. Their nervous system has been activated at some point along their journey, and their brain has told them it's safer to just be by themselves for whatever reason. So I don't know if that's ADHD linked or not, but that'd be a good thing to research. Thank you for that question. Okay, point two the brain responds to evidence, not reassurance. Can you guys hear the smile that just spread across my face? The brain is not easily convinced by positive thinking alone. This is why sometimes affirmations don't work. Okay, sometimes they don't. Now I have seen that Byron Cady's the work, the four questions and the turnaround statement do work. And that is responding to evidence. Okay. So there is some modalities out there that will work, and affirmations can work. Like I said, the whole drive down to snore and living, I spoke to my ego. I was like, no, I'm great at speaking. I know what I'm talking about. I just spoke to my ego over and over and over again. I hear you. I know you're trying to keep me safe right now. I will not die. At worst, I just don't do well, but I will not die. I'm a natural speaker. I speak a lot. I'm clear in my speaking. I just over and over and over and over again. And I did a great job to the effect, which I thought I kind of sucked, but they didn't. They invited me back three more times. So the brain isn't always convinced by positive thinking. It's not always, but it can be, okay? It the brain is a pattern recognition system that updates beliefs through experience. Super important. This means that confidence rarely comes from telling yourself that you can do something. It can come, it can, but it really fortifies from doing it. So look at what happened to me with my Sonoran living appearance. What happened? Scared to death, freaking the heck out. I can't even describe to you guys. I'm in the green room. Everybody else is just milling about, talking to each other, being friendly. I'm in the corner, like head down, freaking out. I was like, what am I doing in a green room? I don't belong in a green room. Well, apparently I did belong in a green room. And I've been in many, many green rooms since then. But when I did it, what happened? No matter how uncomfortable it was, no matter how imperfect it was, I had notes, you guys. I wrote notes and I had them in my hand. And I'm looking down at them because I was so scared. I thought I was gonna freeze. I thought I wasn't gonna be able to answer the questions. I thought it was gonna take too long because it is a three to five minute segment. They stress that. They're like, don't get super windy. And I had notes in my hands, and you can see it. You can see them in the video. And it's it's cute. I look back at me and I'm like, you're so brave. You did such a good job. But what happened was that was the evidence. That was the evidence that my nervous system and my brain could register as real. You did it. And this burst of confidence came through me. You can actually do this, Kristen. You went from zero blogging and talking to no one on a brand new podcast to speaking live. I mean, that's a big stretch right there. But what I didn't do is I didn't just stop there. I signed up for Toastmasters and I started going to Toastmasters and was freaking the heck out every time I went there. I've told those stories before. I won't delve deep into that. And eventually I got to the place where I'm talking now, where I'm just talking, I can free-flow talk like this. Confidence grows after action, not before it. Now it can, we can talk ourselves into things. We can, we can position ourselves to be brave. We can question the limiting beliefs. We can talk fact and those type of things. But the true confidence grows actually after we do the thing. Follow through, following up, completing the task of whatever it might be, creates the evidence that will gradually change our identity and how we see ourselves. Who is not excited about that? I'm excited about this conversation today. I hope you guys are as well. Number three, point three, self-doubt lives in the gap between who you are, who you are right now, and who you are becoming. Have you guys heard me say that there have been moments where I have been in what I call the desert? The only reason why I called the desert was just this long stretch of dirt where I feel like nothing was happening. And it's usually the gap between where I am now and where I'm going. There's this gap. There always is this gap. Well, there's a lot of doubt in there. There's a doubt in ourselves, there's doubt in the universe, there's doubt in our ability, there's doubt in all types of things. So there's always this gap. How about if we just rest knowing we're in a gap? That changed my life. Oh, there's a gap. Okay, I'm there right now. I haven't yet fully become or stepped into this thing or this person or this identity that I'm stepping into, and that's okay, but I'm moving towards it. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Many people assume that this hesitation means that they're lacking ability. But in reality, hesitation often happens, that fear happens when your identity has not yet caught up with your potential. And again, I'm going to circle back to talking about your abilities, what was put in your heart, those exciting things, that inspiration, though that creation that you want to create is coming from source. It's coming from the highest essence and energy of the entire universe that is unlimited, that is infinite possibilities, that is infinite intelligence. It's coming from there to express itself through you. So it's there for a reason. Show us what you got, guys. Share with us. We need it. We need your artwork. We need your words. We need your love. We need your expressions in whatever capacity that shows up for you. Action helps to close that gap. So remember, going back to acting and going back to putting things into place, trying things out, doing something new will close that gap. And each time that you follow through, you're creating more evidence. Okay. And that evidence will start to reshape how you see yourself. Do you know that I can only talk about my stories because nobody's up here yet talking about their stories, but you're welcome at any time, guys, anytime. Do you know that I for uh years would not claim public speaker or motivational speaker or inspirational speaker? I just talk. That's what I say. Oh, I just talk. Because that in my brain had such a I don't want to say stigma because it wasn't bad, but it had such a big definition attached to it about who I thought those people are. Well, I'm definitely not that. Do you know how many people have said to me to me over the years? And I'm not saying this as a gay me, you're you're amazing, you know, narcissist. I'm not saying it like that. I'm saying it in shock and all. Ah. That people have said to me over the years, you're so inspiring, you're so motivating. Thank you for this. I appreciate that. Yada yada yada. And at some point, I looked at my husband and I said, I need to own public speaker, Doug. I need to own this. I need to own motivational speaker. He was like, Well, yeah. And to him, he's like, uh, duh. I'm like, no, you don't understand. I need to own it. And so I started putting it on my bios. In fact, I'm not sure if it's on my new and buy bio. Can you guys check? I don't know if it is. I can't check that while I'm live. But I might have put it on there. But I kind of just sort of slid it in there real quietly. I'm just gonna kind of slide that over here. I'm just gonna sort of feel how that feels. It was scary to do that for me because I thought I was gonna have to perform a certain way. I was gonna have to show up a certain way. And here's another big one that people were gonna expect more from me than who I actually am. And that scared me. But I'm owning it now because I need to shift that identity. It's true. It's actually true. People be like, duh, Kristen, this is what you do. Okay. YouTuber. Another one. No, I didn't have a big channel. I wasn't gonna claim YouTuber. No, I make some videos and I and I post them on YouTube. And then when I started to claim YouTuber, I don't do it much anymore, you guys on YouTube. I post my this podcast over there, but that's kind of it. But when I did claim YouTuber and I tell my kids, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I said, Well, you know, I'm a YouTuber, and they're young, you know, they're young. They're like, you are not a YouTuber, mom. Oh my God. And they laugh at me. I'm like, just because I don't have a million followers and I'm not Mr. Beast, doesn't mean I'm not a YouTuber. I'm on YouTube. I'm creating videos, I'm filming them, I'm editing them, I'm putting cool stuff on them. I'm a YouTuber. And they just looked at me and they were like, Yeah, I guess you are. Just because I didn't have that big, massive following. This was all scary stuff for me. I might sound like I'm making it look easy because people have said that to me. You make it look easy. No, no, no. That's why I really try to let you guys know how big and scary and hairy these things were for me. But I had to own it. And when they pushed back at me, what I have known and learned so far is don't let people talk you out of it. And this was my babies. These are my babies. These are the people that love me the most in the world. People I'm extremely close to. But their definition of YouTuber was different. So they didn't see it that way. See what I'm saying? And then when I was like, oh, I got monetized, they were like shocked. So weird. Anyway, I'm going to pause right now before I go into point four. And I'm gonna bring up our very own Amani. If you haven't followed Amani yet, definitely do so because she is a speaker here on Nume Vibe. Have you owned that, Amani? Guilty? No.

Imani 29:32

So guilty. You you eat you in my closet again today.

Kristen 29:36

I'm always in your closet, girl.

Imani 29:37

Yeah, yeah. I I've had people tell me a lot of times, you should be a therapist. You should be a pastor. You should be a speaker. I think you should be a pastor. I've I know I've said that to you before. And I'm like, are you serious right now? Are you sure? You see, we are. Yes, we are. And I think for myself too, I'm still getting used to who I truly am because I hid it for so long. It's like getting used to like that new layer of clothes that you're putting on, you know, that that new experience for me because that's why I came and got on to Noon Vibe was to get comfortable speaking again. Because I had a podcast, you know, and people a lot of people listen to it. But you know, just with things that happened, you know, I kind of left social media for a while because I needed to. I needed to just disconnect and unsubscribe for a while and just focus on me. But as I continue to be consistent on here, you know, people are like, You should do YouTube videos and just like have it where your voice is speaking. That would be like so soothing because you have such a soothing voice, and you should do voiceovers and you should do devotionals, and and like, you know what, y'all, yeah. I I've had those ideas, but before I would allow other people to tell me that those were the stupidest ideas that they ever heard, and I would let them pause me. I would let them discourage me. Where are you at with that now? I I I'm getting a little bit more comfortable with it, you know, especially now that I'm back at work and I can feel and tell that my season is over there, if that kind of makes sense, and that there's time for another shift to happen. But in order for it to happen, I need to go ahead and take the first step. Mr. Cannell with, you know, think media always says, you know, just press record. Yeah. And I'm like, I know I I need to get there, you know. So at least I have like the name. As you see now, I go by Amani Joe Day, and I have the idea. It's just really just sitting and just listening to God and be like, okay, what is it that you need me to share? Again, yes, I'm encouraging, I'm an inspirational, motivational speaker too, an empowerment speaker because I want other people to know that they can win. They still can win, they still can have hope, they still can have joy despite what they're going through, because that's not their story, that's not what defines them. It's just a chapter in the page of their book. Yeah. And that they can still thrive despite their circumstances, despite their limitations. And I have a host of them. And I know that for me, there's people out there that need to know, especially dealing with chronic conditions, it's not just them, and that they can still have a good life despite those diagnoses, and that they can still be themselves and be happy. I want to be that person that I wish someone had been for me these last 20 years to encourage me and give me guidance and give me resources and give me that supportive, safe community that I can be myself, I can share whatever's going on and not be judged. I am getting to the point now that I'm like, you know what? I want to be celebrated and not just tolerated anymore. I don't want to just be encircled and invited in spaces, but they don't really want me there. You know, you've had that odd feeling when you just walk in the door and everyone's kind of looking at you like, why are you here? And you're like, but you invited me. But I'm learning now that I want the right communities where I can truly thrive. People will take me as I am, but they'll also support and encourage me along the way. And that's why I'm on here a lot because this is one of those safe communities where I can I could grow and then I can also learn from so many people.

Kristen 34:02

And I'm thankful. Yes. Thank you, Imani. Thank you so much for coming up. I love that. I'm just gonna throw this out here, and you can throw a tomato if me tomato at me if you want, but you were made to be in front of a camera. I'm just gonna tell you right now. And here's another little piece is that no one's watching at first. No one's watching on YouTube. We're so afraid because we think our video is gonna go to one million people. No, no, no. It goes to a it goes to a few. We're like if we get 10 views in the beginning. And it's a great way to practice. And even if you just practice with like just one day, you're you have a thought and you think, you know what? I'm just gonna turn my phone horizontal. I'm gonna position myself in front of a window so you have nice lighting. I'm just gonna talk. You don't need anything fancy, and you're just like, you know what? I was having this thought today about this, and blah, blah, blah. And I just want to encourage you, this and that. And, you know, thanks for listening, everyone. Boom, done. Post. Done. Yeah. Not as scary as you think. That's one good thing about these algorithms not picking up on you right away, is that you're we're kind of talking to nothing for a while. Thank you so much, Amani. I love you, sis. Okay, point four. We ready? Do not let self-doubt sit too long. Self-doubt will strengthen the longer we let it sit there. If we don't challenge it, if we don't work with it, if we don't take steps forward with it, it's just gonna keep growing and growing and growing and growing and growing. Okay, it can just get to the place where it's this bigger, hairier, scarier monster than it actually is. I'm a feel feel the fear and effort person, if you know what I mean. That was one of the statements that I had to say to myself. I'm like, well, eff it, you know, here, here goes nothing. So someone throws tomatoes and cabbages at me, and then what? Am I going to die? Little did I know, because I wasn't understanding about the brain at that point, that the brain was telling me I was gonna die. So when I said, What's the worst case scenario? If I do this and it doesn't work out, the worst case scenario would mean I would die or someone else would die. And so I asked myself, if you make a blog post, are you gonna die or is anybody else gonna die, or is anybody gonna lose a limb? No. Then hit the darn thing, Kristen. And that's what I did. And then I started to notice that nothing happened. I was expecting the hurricane and the earthquake. I was expecting the volcano lava to suck me up and take me away. Nothing happened. And here's even crazier is that when I was doing my podcast, I didn't even know how to do a podcast. I started on some weird platform and I bought a Yeti microphone and I started to talk into it. And I told you my first podcast was seven, seven little tiny minutes edited to holy heck, okay? And then I kept going, getting better and better and better and better. And then people were reaching out to me. I got clients. My podcast wasn't viral, it wasn't like millions of downloads. It was new. It was like a month, year old. I don't even know. And with a podcast, you don't have like claps and stars and leave a comment, none of that. So you don't even know who you're talking to. And all of a sudden, people were reaching out to me. So I was like, people are actually listening. So funny. Oh my gosh. But don't let the self-doubt sit too long, guys. Don't let it solidify. Don't let it strengthen. Don't let it harden. Keep moving. Think about Play-Doh. Remember Play-Doh back in the day? And we'd have our little Play-Doh, and the more that we manipulated it and played with it, the softer that it became. It got warm from our hands, and it was amazing. But let's say we forgot we were playing with the Play-Doh and we left it on the counter right next to that little yellow gold container that it came in. What happened? It sat there too long and it hardened. Right? Now, you could probably add water to it and soften it again. I'm not sure how that worked. But my point is that we don't want this to harden. Yes, you're feeling some doubt. It's okay. Recognize the doubt. Understand that you're not gonna die, but don't let it sit there for a long time because the brain is gonna find more evidence, more evidence, more evidence, more evidence. Okay, it's got a negativity bias, and that's what it's gonna continue to do. Also, our thoughts create our emotions. So if we're thinking a negative thought, that creates an emotion. Okay, it's a chemical release in the brain, which is called an emotion. That emotion is gonna grab more like thoughts, which is gonna create more emotion around that. Boom, boom, boom, spiral, spiral, spiral, spiral. So we're like, oh, heck no, I will never do that. And a lot of people will say things like, yeah, that's just not me. You're right, it's not you yet. We are these beautiful, ever-evolving, morphing, changing, shifting beings. Yeah, it's not you right yet, right now. I wasn't a public speaker yet. I still kind of look around going, What? Yes, you're not there yet, but you can be and you will be. So just keep going forward. This is why I like the baby steps too, because baby steps stop you from solidifying. It stops the self-doubt from strengthening, okay? Because we're still moving. We're still moving. And even though they're just baby steps, they are registering in the brain as wins and as confidence. Put that in your brain. Baby steps. You want to become a painter, or you want to show your painting on social media or Etsy or whatever it might be, right? But you're scared to death because you are afraid people are gonna make fun of you or they're gonna hate it or it's not good enough, whatever. But you know what? You finally research how to start an Etsy site. You're like, okay, I'm just gonna research. That's a step. And then the next step is you know, I'm gonna research what other people are posting and how they're doing it. There's a step. It's still moving in the right direction. So you're not allowing it to solidify. And point five is the goal is not to eliminate self-doubt. Everything that I've been able to accomplish, and I say this with utter humility and in awe, really, is because I never eliminated the self-doubt. I just built better cases. I built better cases. And one of those cases is I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to left leave an inspiration or an idea in my heart when I die. I just don't. I will tell you this too. Over time, the general kind of a general fear that we might be feeling, even that general fear starts to dissipate and lower because we do more and more and more things. This doesn't mean it's not gonna be there because we might try something else that now creates fear. But it's like it's more manageable, it's really the only way I can express it. It's like, well, I've done this, this, this, and this. They may not even be related. I did all these things over here. I didn't die. No one lost a limb. So I'm gonna go ahead and try this thing over here, too. Because what the heck? What's what's the worst thing that can happen? See what I'm saying? I want to be a person that at least tried. I want to be a person that at least stretched into those areas that were inspiring to me. Because I don't want to leave anything on the table. I ask myself this all the time. I check in with myself all the time and say, is there anything that you're not doing that you want to do that you're afraid to do or you think you're not good enough to do? And I question myself those things all the time. Recently, I had an opportunity to give a TED talk. And I sat there with it for a minute. I'm gonna go back a little bit because one of our beloved here on Noom 5 mentioned or messaged me, this is six months ago, maybe, and they said, Have you ever given a TED talk? This is almost almost verbatim. You're so savvy or you're such a savvy speaker. I don't know, you'd be great at it, something like that. I said, No, I haven't. But thank you for the compliment. Then something else happened, and a TED Talk came in front of me again, and then it came in front of me again. So I was like, Well, let me just research this a little bit. Because giving a TED Talk was never in my radar. It's not like, I gotta give a TED Talk. Even though TED Talks can really boost you just in amazing ways. Simon Seneck, Brene Brown, and Mel Robbins, they all got recognized and seen because of TED Talks. That's how, because they were just doing their thing in the world. But when they did their TED Talk, that's when things blew up for them. So I was like, okay, well, let me think about this. Do I want to do a TED talk? Is it am I scared? Well, of course I'd be a little scared to give one, but I thought, nah, Kristen, you could you could give a TED Talk piece 15 minutes speaking? That's nothing. You could give a TED talk, no problem. I need to be organized and all these other things. I was like, piece of cake. Yeah. So my point is, I'm always asking myself, is there something else that you're not doing because you're afraid to do? So I'm entertaining the idea because I don't want to do it just because it's scary. But it's, is it like inspirational to me? Because I do follow inspiration. I believe that's how the universe guides us down our path. And the goals that I have for me, what they look like for me, because let me tell y'all, they're a tall order. They're very specific exactly how I want things to work out in my life. They're not just, oh, hey, I want to be a million-dollar YouTuber. Nope. It doesn't look like that for me. And so I'm very specific. So I have to go within and ask myself, does this inspire me? Is this something I want to do? Is it, you know, on my own steam, like go look it up and research it and what have you? Or is it not? But I'm honest with myself. I'm not going to let fear hold me back if that's the case. Our very own Sandy said, I was in survival mode my entire life and didn't even know until burnout happened several times. I've put in the work and I'm thriving for the first time and loving myself and life. Self care and self love are the number one, are number one on my list every day. Absolutely 100% awesome. Amani was saying thank you for the encouragement. Oh, yeah, girl, I'm in your corner. I'm your cheerleader. Okay, so it's not that we're trying to eliminate self-doubt, but it's to become someone who continues moving forward despite it. Just challenge yourself. And again, I don't know where you're at. I have no idea where you're at on your journey. That's for you to know. All I care about, and I really shouldn't care about it because it's not my business. So I don't really care about it, but what I'm hoping that you care about is that you're continuing to move forward. That's it. Just continuing to move forward. I'm not attached to what you do. That's your life. I look at my life. I look at me and my uh limiting beliefs and my fears and my ideas and my inspirations. And I will say at this point in my journey, I've pretty much done them all. I've done them all. The confidence came from that. Does the doubt arise every once in a while? Yes, it does. When Noom Vibe took over wisdom and I was invited over here to be one of the hosts, hostesses, and whatever you I call them hosts, but anyway. Um here at Noom Vibe, I there was a little bit of doubt that crossed my mind. I was like, oh my God, they want me. What? Really? You know, of course it happens. But then I say, all right, let's do it. And sometimes I do things with the little shaking knees. Sometimes I do. And I just keep going because I've learned that I'm not gonna die. I'm not gonna die. And in this particular example, there was so much play. Meaning, do you know how you have play in a steering wheel? Like the steering wheel moves a lot before it actually will turn the wheels. There was so much play. Like I didn't need to be perfect. I just needed to be me. I just needed to speak from my heart. I just needed to share my experiences. And I can do that easily. See what I'm saying? So there wasn't like all these rules that oh my God, you gotta get it out of the park. It's gotta be perfect. Well, there were rules. There is guidelines, you guys know. And I just kept going. I just kept going. Even though there was doubt there, even where I was like, okay, do I belong here? Do I belong in this space? Well, yeah, I do. I do. I actually do. So over time, our identity is going to evolve as our evidence grows. So important to understand. We will outgrow that version of ourselves, that version of ourselves who once believed that doubt. I gosh, a couple years ago, maybe five. I don't know, a while back. My husband said, Oh, I could, I could totally see you on a stage, you know, with 3,000 people in the audience and da-da-da-da. And I literally, you guys, I put my hand up, like, you know, have the stop with your hand. I go, stop. That is way too much for me. That does not, I am doing the next steps right now. I said, Don't, the thought of standing in a stage in front of 3,000 people freaks me out. Don't say that to me. And he was like, honey, I was like, no, like, because he doesn't know me. He sees me from the outside. He knows me. Scratch. He knows me, but he sees me from the outside. He saw my capabilities. He saw the way I spoke or whatever. And he could see me doing this. Me? Oh heck, no. I was like, no way. Recently, I couldn't tell you when, but within this past year, I said, remember back when I said that I couldn't stand on a stage with 5,000 people? Because he said it multiple times. And every time he said it, I was like, don't say that to me. I said to him, I could talk to an arena full of people now. I'm not kidding you guys. You know, those concerts that have like 50,000 people, I could do that now. It wouldn't even faze me. I mean, I'd be nervous, you know, to do it because it was new. But just a few short years ago, I could, my, I, my husband couldn't even say those words out loud to me. How did this happen? It's because I kept going. I kept going and I kept going. And evidence, evidence, evidence, evidence, evidence, evidence of my identity turned into you're a public speaker. That's it. You're a public speaker. You're good at it. People like you. The evidence came. So, in closing, please know this self-doubt is not proof that you're incapable, but it is proof that you're expanding or that you're wanting to expand. You're wanting to stretch beyond your comfort zone. Your brain's gonna kick up a fuss. It is. All those voices in your head from the past, whoever they are, that were telling you that you were not this, you were not that, or you were not whatever, all those people are gonna come up, plus your own ego. You are gonna get an onslaught. You are gonna get, this is the visual I'm seeing in my head is like an army, and they're all standing there, and this guy on the horse in front, and he's got his arm up, he's like, charge, and then the whole army charges at the other army. That's what's gonna happen. It's gonna be the voices in our head from other people. It's gonna be the voices that are directly coming to us, and our own ego. That seems like a lot of noise, doesn't it? Yeah. But here's what's beautiful about this. We can begin to eradicate it really simply, just by taking the step, because your brain, my beloved, is going to change. Your brain is going to change. Just keep going. Our lovely Paula said, Oh, interesting, Paula. She said, I'd rather sing to a thousand people than ten.

Kristen 49:34

Wow.

Kristen 49:36

That's interesting. I'm thinking about that right now. Yeah. Call my brothers the my first four loves of my life. I love my brothers so much. But my oldest passed away in 2020, not COVID-related. And they waited a year to do his celebration of life. And his family, his wife and two daughters and son. I can't remember who actually called me and asked me, but they said, I think it was my niece, and she said, Auntie Chris, would you be willing to facilitate the ceremony? And I said, Absolutely. I had doubt. But I said, Yes, I will. It was such a beautiful celebration of life. I probably a hundred people there. I had a microphone. I was telling my stories, and then the whole thing was having people come up and tell their stories of Jim too. And it was so beautiful. And afterwards, the people that came up to me and they just looked at me and they're like, What an amazing job you did. And I just was like, I did, didn't I? That was fun. That was good. It still blows my mind because uh the old identity was with me for so long that I still remember her. But this new one, she's here too. And there's space for both. There's space for both. But I'm moving towards this new one more. I'm moving towards her because she is what's going to lead me to my dreams and desires. Not the girl that hid. This talk was not supposed to be about me, but I believe that personal examples are helpful. And I also believe that when you're someone who stands in front of a lot of people and you talk about these type of things, whether it's social media, YouTube, podcasting, whatever, I love to hear people's personal stories. I love to hear them. I love to hear that. Who was it? Um, it might be Stephen Bartlett, a diary of a CEO, how he started his podcast. I think it was in his basement, and you know, talking to his phone. I love those stories. The Kurt Warner story. There's a movie on him, and how that looked for I love those stories. So I share these with you to know that I am no different than you, and I am way not more special than you. I'm just a girl from Scotland, Arizona that grew up running around the desert. That's it. That's it. And I follow inspiration. I follow my the things I want to do, and I move past things. There's one delineating factor here, and that's courage. It's the courage to be seen. And most of the time it is about being seen. Whether you're showing your artwork, you're speaking somewhere, you're going into the gym. It's being seen either mentally, emotionally, physically, in whatever capacity it is, is this fear of being seen and this fear of being judged. I'm going to share this too. When I stopped judging myself, I stopped fearing judgment from others. It seems like such a far-fetched thing, right? You guys, where you're like, oh, I don't know about that. No, I stopped judging myself. My fear of judgment of others greatly diminished, like greatly in the most profound way. And, you know, I don't even think about it anymore. I don't even let it come into my mind anymore. It's like, oh, you're judging me, you're gonna judge me. Everybody judges everybody. There's the third rule, or the thirds rule of being liked. One third of the people are gonna like you, one third of the people aren't gonna care either way, and one third of the people aren't gonna like you. Well, there's two-thirds of people out there that are potentially, you know, not gonna like what I say. That's fine. It's perfectly fine because that one-third, we're gonna join elbows and we're gonna walk this path together in realness and authenticity, in support mode. We're gonna hold each other together. We're gonna hold each other up. There's a quote by A Course in Miracles, and I love this quote. No children of God are special, and all children of God are special. We are all created equal, the end. Period. But we are all special in our own rights. There is no one who has walked this earth before who is you. You are one in never again. Never again. Much love to you guys. You are the absolute best. Thank you for joining me today. I appreciate you guys. I'll be back again tomorrow for another episode of Empower Hour with KB, and I hope that to see you there. Much love, guys. Bye.