What "Reclaiming Your Power" Looks Like in Real Life (with examples)

Many of us have spent years (even decades) giving our power away through people pleasing, over-giving, rescuing, fixing, chasing approval, and abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. It can be hard to imagine what being sturdy within ourselves sounds and looks like in real life.

In this episode, we're exploring what it truly means to take your power back and how that transformation shows up in everyday life, relationships, decisions, boundaries, and self-worth.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✨ How to recognize the subtle ways you may be giving your power away every day

🛑 Why setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness

💖 How to stop making other people's emotions, reactions, and happiness your responsibility

🧭 The difference between seeking approval and trusting your own inner authority

🌱 Practical ways to choose yourself, honor your needs, and rebuild self-trust one decision at a time

Reclaiming your power isn't about controlling others. It's about becoming less controllable by fear, guilt, rejection, manipulation, and the opinions of others. It's about remembering that your worth, peace, happiness, and identity were never meant to live in someone else's hands.

It's time to come home to yourself. For FREE Resources, 📖 Book Link, 📝 Quizzes, 👚 Self-Love Merch Shop, 🗣️ 1:1 Mentoring and more: https://www.linktr.ee/kristenbrownauthor

Transcript

Kristen 0:01

Welcome to Self-Healing with KB. I've spent decades, decades, abandoning myself to be what others wanted me to be, only to attract multitudes of lopsided and painful relationships. Today I'm on a mission to help people reconnect with their true selves, heal their self-worth, and reclaim their personal power to attract and create the mutually loving and respectful relationships they deserve. Because everyone, everyone deserves to be fully respected and loved well. This podcast is for information and educational purposes only. If you are mentally or emotionally struggling right now, please contact your medical or mental health care provider. If you're interested in my free resources, my fun quizzes, my self-love merchandise shop, my social channels, or my book link, my link tree is posted here in my Noom Vibe profile and in the description on all other podcasting platforms. Today we are going to be exploring what it means to take your power back, especially if you've been if you've spent years people pleasing, overgiving, rescuing, fixing, chasing approval, or making other people's needs more important than your own. Because every single time that we abandon ourselves to keep somebody else happy or comfortable, we are giving away a little tiny piece of our power. I also want to quash the myth that reclaiming your power is about controlling others or becoming selfish. On the contrary, it is about becoming less concerned with other people's reactions and opinions and becoming more concerned with your own well-being. Reclaiming our power is all about returning to yourself. It's about recognizing all the ways you've handed your worth, your peace, your happiness, and your decision making over to others and learning how to bring that authority back home to you where it belongs. So, what does it look like to reclaim your personal power in real life? What does this really look like? Because you guys hear me say it all the time. It's part of my tagline. Reclaim your personal true worth and personal power. I say it all the time. And they both run hand in hand because when we start to heal our self-worth, we will reclaim our personal power. And also when we work in the directions of reclaiming our personal power, then our self-worth builds as well. Typically, I would say it's about reclaiming your worth first. That's how it typically works, because your inner world starts to change. And then you start to feel naturally and organically more empowered because you inside, deep, deep, deep inside, you feel worthy. Because when we don't feel worthy, it's very difficult to exude personal power because we will, we might be able to say it, speak it, show up a little bit for it. And we'll do that typically by willpower, but there's no deep foundation that's supporting that and that's holding that in place. And eventually we'll fold or we'll slip back into our old patterns. This is why retraining our brain to know that we are a worthy individual is key on this journey. It is something that I will never ever wave from, waver from because you know we'll hear all these things for people to do, and I'm like, ah, you gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself, you gotta, you gotta retrain your brain that you're worthy. And when you do, things start to change. But I wanted to talk about what it actually looks like to reclaim your personal power because we hear personal power, and it sounds kind of scary, doesn't it? It can for some people, especially when you're really in the trenches of people pleasing and overgiving and self-abandoning, doing these things that are actually detracting from your personal power. It can seem like this massive leap over to another side that you're gonna become this, you know, the Hulk or something. And that's really not what it looks like. Reclaiming your personal power at the foundational level means taking the authority back of your own life that we've handed to other people. That's all it is. It's taking that authority back. It doesn't mean we do it with force, it doesn't mean we do it with attitude, it doesn't mean we do it with aggression, it doesn't mean we do it with ego. It simply says, I matter, I love me, my needs matter, I trust myself, I can survive somebody else's disappointment. I don't need permission to be myself. I am responsible for my choices and not other people's choices. I am responsible for how people treat me. I am responsible for my own well-being, and my worth is not determined by how much I can overgive, how much that I can please the world. Reclaiming our power is returning to the truth, the truth of your value, of your identity, of your peace, and your happiness and well-being, and that they don't live in the hands of someone else, they live within you. Reclaiming your power is not about in any way, shape, or form becoming more controlling. It's about becoming less controllable. Whether it's passively being controllable, I mean, I was so controllable, I didn't even know it. Because, like I said, I tell you guys this all the time. I felt like a person who had my stuff together. Like I'm strong, I'm a power, I'm doing things in the world, I'm making great choices for myself, I'm a successful business owner. I was all of these things, and I didn't really realize that one eye roll, one eye roll had the power to shut me up. Yeah. Oh, oh, look at that disapproval. I better not say that. It was so automatic to me that I didn't even realize I was doing it. And then, you know, of course, if I investigated it at all, which I rarely did, but if I did, I would come up with something like, oh, well, you know, I don't want to upset this person, or gosh, maybe what I'm saying is is stupid, or I should probably just keep my mouth shut, or whatever it was. There was always some little egoic that came in and wanted to perpetuate that pattern. I want to know by a show of emojis or back channel messages on the DM feature, if any of you, I'm just curious, I don't know who's all in the room. It says eight uh 85 so far, 85 so far in about 10 minutes. I'm curious if any of you have been controllable through things like somebody rolling their eyes at you or somebody kind of giving you that look like, oh, yeah, that's kind of dumb. All right, okay, Alicia said, absolutely yes. And I'm seeing other people come up here. Let me go to that screen. Leah, Lisa, Jeanette, V A, Jeannie. Terry said in the past 10 years, yes. Yeah, I mean, this was a big deal. It's those little tiny subtle things, and we don't even notice we're doing it. So, part of oh, we got some more takers. Let me see who else sent up the claps. Dinga, Martha, right on. Thanks, guys. I appreciate that. I love your interaction. Yes, Terry said he does the Superman pose now. And that's something that Terry has talked about several times. And I really love this because this is embodying personal power and it's another tool. And this is why I like when you guys share, because that's something to think about. When, you know, let's say you're you you realize that you have given away your power. You decide, you know what, I'm just when someone's doing something that's trying to control me or it's being aggressive or it's trying to manipulate me in some capacity, I'm just gonna stand with my my legs astride, about shoulder width apart. I'm gonna put my my fists on my hips, not in a aggressive way. I'm just gonna assume the position of a person who has power. I just want you to think about that, like Superman. Just assume the position. You don't even have to change the look on your face. You don't even have to say anything. You just stand in that power. And right there, you're telling your body that something has changed. You're telling your body, you're embodying it. This is also called anchoring, by the way. It's called anchoring when you do something with your body that supports a thought or a new belief system. Terry also says he imagines his cape blowing in the wind. And I think that's great. Add to the visual, you guys. Maybe see yourself lifting off the ground, sort of, you know, levitating and flying in, if you will. Okay, Leah said it can consume thoughts for a day or a week, or at least a little bit for a whole month. Yes. Oh yeah. This is what it looks like, you guys. That's real time what it looks like. Somebody does something that appears like they disapprove of us, or we did it wrong, or we didn't make them happy or whatever, and it can consume our thoughts. Yeah. I'm glad that you brought that up, Leah, because I remember that. I see, these are the things I don't think about sometimes. But I remember that. I remember that just thinking and overthinking and questioning, and should I? Maybe I could. And and let me see if you guys have had this. I need to get back into proximity with this person so I can undo it. How about that? Oh my gosh. As I heal, it's just it's fascinating to me as more of my story comes into place. And I'm like, oh gosh, I yeah, I remember doing that. It was so unconscious. Remember that word unconscious. What does that mean? It means I'm not aware. That's all it means. We're so unconscious to these behaviors, we don't even know we're doing these until we think back and we're like, holy moly, there's a thing right there. So I'm gonna give you some real life examples of what reclaiming your personal power looks like versus giving it away. And we're gonna start with the giving it away. So one example is saying yes when you want to say no. Reclaiming your power looks like saying no without feeling obligated to justify it. Now, sometimes we do, just because we do, that's fine. I don't think it's an all or nothing thing. To me, it's like, nope, I can't, but here's why. But not feeling guilt about it is what's imperative to me. The next one is giving away your power is constantly worrying about what others think of you. We touched upon that already. Reclaiming your power looks like making choices based on your values, on what matters to you, not other people's opinions. Now, I have a lot of fun with this stuff because I did build my foundation of self-worth that I talked about earlier. I still to this day play around with these things. Yeah, I'm pretty darn good at it. I am. I'm very in touch with myself. My yeses and my no's and my decisions come very organically for me, you know, with my well-being in place. However, I still play around with it. Like if I'm gonna tell someone no, I'm like, do I want to give an explanation? Do I need to give an explanation? Do I feel like I have to give an explanation? Or is this just part of my personality? I will ask myself my motive. What do I need to actually share here? For some reason, for me, it's still just a plain old no doesn't really suffice for me. It just really doesn't. And I think it's just my personality. It's like, no, no, I can't today, and here's why. And even, but I don't look at the reason like it's not enough. Sometimes it's just no because I'm tired. Sometimes it's no because I don't want to go anywhere. Sometimes it's no because something, you know, I don't really want to eat at the restaurant you guys are going to. It's the truth, but I don't, I don't make it mean anything. Uh, the next one is with the way we give away our power is we wait for someone else's approval before we take action. Remember, we talked about this yesterday, where we just ask people all the time, what do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? And we go on and on and on with this. And sometimes we don't even make a choice, or we don't even do the thing that we're gonna we've been asking, even though we got everybody else's approval, or sometimes we won't make a move until somebody else tells us that it's okay. Reclaiming our power is trusting your own judgment, trusting your own instincts, trusting your own intuition, and then moving forward, but also trusting your connection to source energy. I will tell you, you guys, I'm all about this because when I open my heart and my mind, and I start asking questions and I start saying show me and guide me, it's a fascinating every single time what starts showing up. I get these nudges in the right direction. I can tell because of the way, oh, you guys are loving that. I can tell because of the way it feels inside of me. And that's me trusting me. That's me trusting my connection. And that's something that nobody else is even privy to remotely. People aren't inside us. I'm not privy to your connection, you're not privy to mine. Yeah, Terry, the synchronicities too, the things that show up. It's just, I just sit here and shake my head. I'm like, I okay, thank you. That's thank you, thank you, thank you. That's what I say. So it's about trusting your own judgment in decisions that you're making, things that you want to do, what sounds like the next best step, etc. The next one is giving away in giving away your power, power is um staying in relationships where your needs are consistently ignored. Okay? If we're staying too long and we're that's that's a gentle way of saying it. Sometimes we're staying in really awful relationships, and we have our reasons for doing so, and I'm never going to be the one to tell you when it's time to leave because you need to trust your own authority. You need to trust your own connection. Sometimes there's things in the material world that need to work out first. Okay, sometimes there's not. Sometimes people are like one and done. It looks all over the place. However, reclaiming your power is addressing the issue with kindness and with assertiveness. Addressing the issue repeatedly and then choosing to leave if nothing changes. Because we are in charge of the way people treat us. We teach people what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. And if we're continuing to stay in this relationship just because we're afraid of being alone or something, or I'll never find somebody else. This is as good as it gets, or I'm too old, or I'm too XYZ, whatever it is that you're thinking, you're actually hurting yourself and you're giving your power away. Another example of giving away your power is making somebody else's happiness your responsibility. Reclaiming your power is recognizing that each person is responsible for their own emotions and also for their own actions. This is a tricky one, I will tell you, because being a parent, being a very hands-on parent, being a very involved parent, I had to find the line. Because, man, if I upset my kids or they're mad at me or I got the door slam or they're not talking to me for six hours or whatever, I could feel myself as a people pleaser, as not liking this, as believing I wasn't being a good mom for some reason because of the way they were acting. And so then I would try to hustle or try to have a conversation or try, you know, something. I would swoop in somehow. But then I stopped doing that. As I started to learn and grow, I realized, you know what? They're allowed to be mad at me. They're allowed to be upset, they're allowed to have their emotions, they're allowed to be where they're at, and I'm not responsible for that as long as, as long as what I'm saying or doing that's upsetting them is rooted in love. Not control, not trying to make them be or do something because it makes me look good. Uh-uh. Because it was rooted in love. When it was rooted in the highest form of parenting, I had to let go of it. I had to let them do what they were gonna do and be mad at me and whatever, whatever form that took. What ended up happening is they sort of figured it out. I'm saying sort of because I'm not sure how it went in their head, but they figured it out on some capacity or realized that I wasn't wrong, or once the emotions subsided or decreased, they started to realize, yeah. And I and I would, and they would show back up again, and then they would be happy or they would be fine, or they would ask me to go do something with them. But they, because they were young, they weren't like, I'm sorry that I had a tantrum. I wasn't seeing, they didn't have that language yet. They didn't have that yet. But I noticed that they got over it. And so as they started to age, little bits and pieces would come out and they would say things like, yeah, I'd have that fit, and that'd walk away. I'd be like, damn it, she's right. But they wouldn't come back and tell it to me. But guess what? If I swooped in, I would enable that behavior, and I did for some time. I did. And then I started to grow and change and heal, all these things, and things started to improve. Another way that we can give away our power is apologizing for things that are not your fault. Only take responsibility for what is actually yours. What I'm about to say is going to be controversial because this is not what we're hearing out in the world. So here you go. People are like, oh, I hate it when somebody says, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Well, let me break this down for you. Sometimes what someone is accusing you of is not what you did. People have all kinds of messed up filters that they see as through. But to wholeheartedly say, I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, and you say it with care and concern in your eyes is much different than someone saying, You did this, you know you did this, and you're like, Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you guys get what I'm saying? I hope you do, because part of reclaiming my personal power, and I had to really stand in this. I had to really, really stand in this. It was hard, it was difficult, it was challenging, is that I did not want to take ownership for what was not mine. If it was not mine, I wasn't gonna apologize for it. I did, however, yes, thank you, thank you. I did, however, take responsibility for what was mine. But it didn't mean, thank you, Laura, it didn't mean that I didn't show up to their pain. It didn't mean I didn't sit with them as they told me everything, you know, all these strange things that were going through their weird lens. They were hurting. That mattered. But through conversation, through me listening and understanding how they were feeling and validating that this hurt them and whatever, whatever, once they were through speaking, I said, Can I tell you what my intentions were or what it looked like on my side or what I was thinking? And every time I did, they said, Oh, okay. They realized they weren't actually wronged. So there are also people out there who are, they walk by you, they breathe the same air of you, and they're like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, guys. And I know some of you in the listener's lounge may be like this. Do not apologize for existing. Do not apologize for taking up space. Sure, if you bump into somebody, oh, excuse me, I'm sorry. Yeah, I get it. But so many times, there's so many people out there, I wasn't one of these over, over apologizers. I I did a little bit here and there, but it wasn't like some people that I know. I was like, no, stop apologizing for what's not yours. One of the most powerful and healing things that we can do in a relationship, hands down, is taking ownership of what our is what is ours. Someone says, you know, I don't like the way you were speaking to me, and you were speaking with tone and aggression, you own that. You own that and you apologize. I'm sorry, you're right, I was. You take responsibility, you own it. But when someone says something that is, my God, it's from Jupiter, like it's not even remotely who you are. If you start owning that, you're keeping them stuck in their unhealing, number one, and you're hurting yourself. You've moved so far away from yourself because you didn't do the thing. But some people are like, well, yeah, I just want to keep the peace, or I just whatever, I just say I'm sorry to get over it. No. It doesn't work that way, guys. Okay, not being in your personal power is nor ignoring red flags because you don't want to lose someone. Being in your power is trusting what you see, honoring your instincts. And acting from a place of self-worth and value. I will tell you, as a dating coach, because I do a lot of dating coaching for people, I tell them when you actually I call things, there's huge red flags. There's obvious red flags, okay? But I also talk about pink flags. There's things that people do that you're like, they make you go, hmm. Pink flags are a call to investigate deeper through asking more questions. That's what pink flags are. It's like that didn't really sit well with me. Me, pink flags, I just threw them out the window. I didn't even know there was a pink flag. Red flags, threw those out the window. Didn't even know, I didn't even know what a red flag was. I think there was some huge red flags, like if someone was a pedophile or had been in prison or for a heinous crime, but I really didn't have them. So that's another one. Seeking validation to feel worthy. That's disempowered. That is not being in your power. Being in your power is generating your own sense of worth. That's what being in your power is. This is why I talk about reclaiming our true worth all the time. This is why I talk about the five self-love tenants. They're how we clean up that inner world. They're the vacuum, the pledge, the dust mop, all the things. That is what self-love is. It cleans up that inner world. And that is generating your own sense of worth rather than constantly wanting that approval from somebody else. All right, we're gonna bring up Amani and see what she has to say. Thank you for joining, sis. I know you have a little experience in this area. Yes, darling.

Imani 23:40

Yes, I have some experience in this area. Um boy, yeah, this is a good conversation. And I think a lot of times, like you said, when we're going through it, we can't see the forest for the tree. So we don't even realize that's a yellow flag. That's a pink flag, that's a glaring red flag because we're so in the middle of the situation or the relationship that we can't see it. But it's good to have people on the outside that you can truly trust their judgment that can say from the outside and yelling into the trees, like, hey, no, that's not good. But I know for myself personally, it was very hard to not say I was sorry for everything. Because when I was younger, I was blamed for everything. Even if it had nothing to do with me, it was my fault. And so that became my default. When people would share things with me, I'd be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. And they're like, What are you apologizing for? It was a default, it just automatically came off. But as I started the journey, once I turned into my 40s, of really recognizing and realizing who truly is a money, really. I learned that no, I don't need to take ownership for things I have no control over and have nothing to do with me. And that was the biggest revelation. And I know even sometimes now I have to catch myself before I even say it, like, wait, nope. Pause, don't say. And the thing is, you have to give yourself grace. I think a lot of times we don't give ourselves grace and permission to go through the process, to make the mistakes, that to fall short, because it's gonna happen. It doesn't mean you haven't learned the lesson, it doesn't mean you haven't advanced. It's just that might have been a trigger that was unexpected that day that brings that back up. But it doesn't mean you haven't learned the lesson. And that was the biggest thing for me is I had to forgive myself and give myself more grace because I was my worst critic, I was my worst enemy because I would replay and replay and replay things, trying to figure out well, what did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? And nine times out of ten, it had nothing to do with me. It just happened to be I was in that moment, I was in that area, I was in that person's space, and they just took it out on me because I was the next person that for them to see. But it wasn't me personally that was causing issue. And another thing I had to learn too is accept people for where they are, but it doesn't mean you have to accept the attitude, you don't have to accept the responsibility of who they are. And that's a big one too, because we will we're in people-pleasing mode, in accepting mode, in abandonment mode. We want to keep everyone happy, we want to be part of it, we want to be concluded, we want to feel accepted, even when we know that what's going on with that person is not right for us. And as you stated, when we don't do that, we're holding up the next blessing for ourselves, and we're holding up the next blessing for them because that relationship has expired. That season is over, but because we get so comfortable with it, we don't want to let go. But that prevents the next person that needs to come into our life to get us to the next level. It delays them and it delays us because we still have our hands so tightly fisted on that current situation. And because to us by that point it's now normal. Especially if what you've gone through up until that point in your life was normal, that trauma was normal. Domestic violence was normal because that's what you grew up around. You didn't know anything different. But once you go through that process of unlearning to relearn, then that's how you get to understand that even though that's what you grew up around, that wasn't the norm. That was the exception. So it's okay for to know that you went through those things, but it does not have to define your present and it doesn't have to define your future. It's how do I grow from those experiences and to see how far I have truly grown from what I used to know to what I am now, because there are certain people in their families that they are the generational curse breaker, they are the cycle ender. And when you do that, it helps to free up your family, it helps to free up you and everyone else around you. Love you, people.

Kristen 28:36

Thank you. Love you too, Amani. Thank you so much. You know, I was thinking as Amani was talking, that there's people that grew up in abusive households or households that just their mere existence pissed off their parents, or they were blamed for everything. And this isn't everybody, but someone who grew up in an environment like that would be apologizing for everything all the time because that's what they had to do to survive. So consider that. You may have picked this up because that was part of your survival mode. That's what you needed to do to keep the peace and to get by. But I wrote down the words that Amani said, and she said, that season has expired. I love that. That season has expired. What that means is you're grown now. You're no longer that person. You no longer have to be the person who's apologizing constantly for your mere existence because you have grown and you're no longer in that environment. And even if you're still in communication with the people who did that to you, you still're a grown person now. You're no longer small in stature and small in strength and small in language. That's no longer true anymore for you. So you can stop apologizing for everything. All right, another thing that we do when we are given away our power is we let the guilt determine our decisions. Now, we already spoke about that. So, what is the opposing of that? What is reclaiming our power is letting what matters to us and our values determine our decisions. Personal power is about, yes, letting somebody try to guilt you. Let them try to do it. It's likely an unconscious manipulation strategy that they picked up along the way to try to get their needs matter, to get what they wanted. All right, that's all it is. We don't have to point fingers and call them terrible and ugly and narcissists and all this stuff. We can just say, well, that person's really trying to guilt me right now. I'm not going to allow them to guilt me. I am going to go within and to see what really works for me. Another one is to, we've talked about this one, overexplaining, overexplaining your boundaries, overexplaining your no's. There's no need to overexplain. A no is a no. A boundary is a boundary. Now, I have had a big history of overexplaining boundaries. Oh my God. Let me tell you, it wasn't really the boundary. It was what I needed or what I wanted or why their behavior wasn't okay. I just overexplained, overexplained. Well, here's why and I tried to convince them, but I will tell you this: that people who are committed to misunderstanding you, people who are committed to their own story based on their own pain and hidden wounds are never going to be convinced. You're wasting your breath. You're literally wasting your breath. I had that moment with someone in my life, and I sat there and I was like, why am I doing this? I'm saying the same thing over and over and over again, and nothing is changing. And I stopped doing it. And guess what happened? When I stopped doing it, that person started to behave differently because I wasn't giving them my time, my energy, my attention. I was like, nope, you don't get any part of me when you act like this. I call those action boundaries, by the way. That's what I talk, I talk about them in my book, The Recovering People Pleaser. Because there's a verbal boundary where we say something, but then there's the action boundary that oftentimes we need to follow up with. So if the verbal boundary is not working, then we show a boundary through action, which means I separate from you. I create space between me and you. And that's what personal power looks like. Taking responsibility for everybody else's problems. I laugh at this stuff because it was so me. That's when we're giving away our power. But reclaiming our power looks like offering support without believing it's your job or your responsibility or taking over. Man, a lot of people are gonna use us up when we are someone that takes over. They're gonna keep calling us ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Hey, guess what? Because they know you're gonna take care of it for them. You're gonna handle it for them. Again, this is this is a hard one when it comes to parenting. When something's happening with your kid and you're like, oh, I could swoop in and make all this right or go, whatever it is that you need to do. But sometimes they need to handle it for themselves. And again, this is age appropriate. We don't do that to a four-year-old. Okay, we don't. It's age appropriate. But this is this is why we reflect and we ask ourselves questions and we look at the other person and we say to ourselves, is this person capable of this? Is my help actually harming them? Meaning enabling them and keeping them stuck. So we can support, we can empathize, we can validate, we can uh brainstorm or troubleshoot with them, but at the end of the day, it's not our responsibility. Okay. Um, another big one, this is a big one, is when we're out of our personal power, is we're waiting for someone to choose us. We're waiting for someone to say, you matter, you're great, I want you, you're amazing. What I have noticed, and has been true, when I was in that space, unbeknownst to me, and I don't think I was, it's really not a big one of mine. But what happened was I attracted people that were never going to treat me like the amazing, wonderful, loving, kind, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah person that I am. They weren't. Because I was in a low energetic space. I didn't know my worth, I didn't know my value. And so I was attracting people who reflected that back to me. However, personal power means choosing yourself, choosing yourself, making yourself matter, loving yourself, treating yourself like the king or queen that you are. When we know our worth and when we treat ourselves well, our vibrational frequency increases and we attract better experiences to us. Another one, believe it or not, this is gonna be a hard one for some people, is we give away our power when we feel absolutely devastated when somebody rejects us. What is reclaiming your power look like? Reclaiming your power is, yeah, it might sting, it might hurt, we might not like it, but it's understanding that rejection is just information, that it is absolutely not a measure of our worth, period. It's just information. And we know that. And as you practice this and walk longer on the empowered side of the river, it rejection becomes less and less of a thing. You get so far away from that space that it used to devastate you, you to a place where you're like, yeah, okay, well, I it kind of stung, but all right. I mean, I I know it has nothing to do with me. And you move on. Okay. Another one is letting the fear of abandonment keep you in unhealthy situations. That's a big one. Now, this is gonna take some, some of these things aren't one and done, by the way. You don't just, you know, flip all automatically over to the reclaiming your power part, which is trusting that you can handle loss if it becomes necessary. All right. But this is what I'm saying, what it looks like in real person. So understanding I'm so afraid of being abandoned that I'm gonna stay here. I'm so afraid of being alone that I'm gonna stay here. Once you have that recognition, you can start doing the things that can empower you. And like I said, love yourself, become your own best friend, caregiver, parent, advocate. When you become those things for yourself, you're more willing to leave a situation because you're not abandoning yourself. Isn't that wild? There's so many crazy paradoxes on this journey. When we reconnect with ourselves, we lose the fear of abandonment, at least some of it. It depends how ingrained it is, it depends how traumatizing it was, it depends how long it's been that it's been in there, but it can start to heal that because we have returned back to ourselves. So we're like we love ourselves, care for ourselves so much, we've got our back. Someone decides they don't want to be here, it might hurt, it might sting, there might be some loss or grieving involved, but it's not about abandonment anymore. It's like, you know what? Okay, you go, you go be you, you go do you. Another way we give away our personal power is by ignoring our intuition. Yeah. Yeah, bro. Yes, sis, by ignoring our intuition. You know, when I was speaking earlier in this talk about following my intuition, my inner guidance, my nudges, and how it leads me places, the screen lit up with emojis. Because people understand that. And people understand how how closely connected we can be with source if we allow ourselves to be. So this is about listening to that inner knowing, listening to your instincts. It's about following what feels right. It's about processing through a place of love and openness and faith rather than through the lens of fear. When we process through the lens of fear, we are giving our power away. Short story, I remember a friend of mine, this is a long time ago. She was breaking up with her significant other. They were not married, but they had a child together. He kept saying, I'm gonna take the child and I'm moving to New York. I'm gonna take the child. And so she was absolutely frozen. She wouldn't do anything because she was so afraid of this happening. She was living in fear. I said, I promise you. And this was my intuition, my my inner guidance. It was probably channeling at the time. I said, I promise you. Knowing him, he doesn't want your child full time. Absolutely not. He hardly wants to hang around with your child now. He's not gonna do that. Stand up to him, kick him out, do whatever it is that you need to do because he is not gonna do that. Guess what happened? When she finally, this took a while, this took a while, no judgment. When she finally did it, it didn't happen. He was just blowing a bunch of hot air at her, trying to scare her because he knew it worked. So when we have fear, a lot of fear in one area, you know what? Our people get to know us. Our significant others get to know us pretty well. And if they're on the dark side of the fence, they're gonna use that fear against us. They're gonna say things that they know can manipulate us. And most of the time, it's just a bunch of hot air. Now, if it comes to your safety, I'm gonna disclaim this because I watch a lot of i survives and datelines and things. When it comes to your safety, your physical safety, and they're they're threatening some heinous things that I won't say on here, you need to do what it takes to get yourself to safety. Your police reports, do all of that stuff. But when it comes to the things, they're just trying to scare you, like you're gonna be broke, you're you're you're not gonna be able to live without me, you're not gonna have any money, no one's gonna want you. You know, all of those type of things that they're saying. Yeah, that's a bunch of hot air they're blowing at you, trying to manipulate you. Knowing the difference between the two and not making decisions based on fear is huge. Okay, staying silent to avoid conflict. This is a big one. We're just gonna stay silent, just not gonna say anything. And here's the thing, sometimes this is ironic too, because there's so much of this in life. Sometimes your staying silent to avoid conflict is the opposite of what your person wants you to do. You stay so silent, they don't know who you are, they don't know what you want, they don't know what your needs are, they they feel disconnected from you, they can't please you because they don't even know how. Yes, yes, yes, this is a thing. But also the staying silent to avoid conflict is I just don't want to rock any boats at all, ever, so I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna sit over here and be quiet. The empowered part of this, the reclaiming your power looks like speaking your truth respectfully, assertively, calmly, and clearly. Say it. Say it. It's been an awesome conversation. Today we dove deep into what it means to reclaim your personal power and how it's not about controlling others or becoming selfish, how it's about becoming less concerned with other people's reactions and opinions and becoming more concerned with our own well-being. Reclaiming our personal power is all about that return to the self. It's about recognizing all the ways that you've handed your worth, your peace, your happiness, and your decision making over to others and learning how to bring that authority back home to you where it belongs. I hope you guys got a lot from this today. If you did, don't forget to hit that follow button if you're listening here on Noom 5. If you're listening on another platform, you can like, subscribe, comment, share, follow, do all the things that that platform allows you to do. I appreciate you guys. And as always, remember that you matter and you are more powerful than you think. Much love.