How to find aligned friends and keep them (making friends in adulthood)

As you grow, your friendships change too. In this episode, we talk about the loneliness that can come with outgrowing people, how to attract friendships that actually align with who you’re becoming, and what it takes to maintain meaningful connections in adulthood.

For more honest conversations, advice, and real life application, follow along on our socials @TheSelfTrials. If you’re ready to go deeper and actually do the work, explore our courses and journals designed to guide you through your own Self Trials on our website.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome back to the self-trials where we cut through all the fluff and get real about what it actually takes to build your dream life. Jumping straight into the stuff you don't want to hear but need to hear, I'm your host Kaylin, and today we are talking about how to find aligned friendships and actually keep them. I feel like there are so many videos in whether that's long form, short form content, all around dating and how to find the perfect man, woman, and relationship this, relationship that, but sometimes we tend to forget about one of the most important relationships of all, and that is friendships. And this is something that I have drastically struggled with my entire life. And I know that a lot of people watching this or listening to this from the outside might be like, what do you mean? Like you've always had friends, you you've never had a problem being social, which is 100% true. However, that doesn't mean that I didn't lack like a deeper connection, specifically to women, or constantly feeling like I would be moving and going here and going there and always making new friends, which I became very good at. So like the art of actually making friends, I'm very good at. Like it's a social skill, and I'll kind of get into that as well. But also there's this element of actually learning how to nurture friendships so they actually become deeper in people that you want to be with your entire life, or just like keep updated and keep within your life for the duration of your life. And I know a lot of people also have an opposite experience where they have best friends that they've had since they were born, and we're in elementary school, and I think that is so, so cool. And I think there is so much advice that I can even take from you guys and those that have had those super long-term lifelong friends, and it's something that I'm learning, especially after coming to Bali. One of the things Bali has taught me, and I'm gonna, I've made I talk about Bali so much because it's just taught me so, so much. And I think I'm gonna make a whole separate video around everything that this place has taught me because it's been so many things and it showed me a different side to myself or allowed me to like unlock different parts of myself that I always kind of knew were in there, but like didn't know how to handle them or deal with them, and it just feels like this place allows me to be everything, and I think it's a reminder that you can be everything, like you don't have to be one thing. Like some days you wake up and you feel a certain way, and some days you wake up and you feel a different thing, and that again is a video for a different day. But one of the things that I have learned to appreciate so much more is friendships, and specifically, like I'm gonna be speaking from a female friendship perspective, but I think this also can cross over to like male friendships. I know your guys' dynamics are a little bit different, so I can't really like talk about that experience and like what that's like. But specifically, female friendships are amazing and they are beautiful and they are wonderful, and when you pour into them, they pour back into you. And so I first will kind of go into just talking about how I actually met people out here because I think a lot of people they making friends in your 20s is hard, like it is so hard, right? And I'll come back and circle everything back to like actually what I've learned within friendships and nurturing those friendships. But I first want to talk about the initial connection and like how do you actually make friends in your 20s and in your adult life? Like it's something that a lot of people don't like talk to you about. And a lot of the times, if you especially as like we move into like AI and more technology, like more and more people's jobs are becoming remote or they're online, and we all want to be able to work remote. We all want to have the flexibility to work remote. But what a lot of people don't realize, like a huge downside, is the lack of community that comes with it. And that is something that I have struggled with significantly because I've only ever really worked for myself. And even when I was working for someone else, it was like a very hybrid position where I would like sometimes go in person and then some, but the most of the time was spent on my own. And however, and I say that, like I could have chosen to spend a lot more time, I think, with the team and the people. I just also am someone that does like my alone time and I do like to recharge and be on my own. And so I think that's still something you shouldn't neglect, and we'll get into that in a little bit as well. But just in this day and age, there's less and less jobs that require us to be in person. And so a lot of times we don't even realize that our friends and the people that we surround ourselves with aren't even people that we necessarily like necessarily or like get along with. They're just kind of become close friends by default, and you kind of end up liking them just through like shared experiences. And you see this a lot when we are growing up. Like all of your closest friends, when you're in elementary school, middle school, high school, it's all people that just go to school because your school because that's the environment that you're in. That's who you're seeing every single day. That's who you're forced to like gain connections with. And so, even like your neighborhood, like if you are friends with all the neighborhood friends, that's because all your parents were friends. And so it doesn't leave a lot of space to actually go, do I like these people? Like, do I have the same like viewpoints? Do I get along with these people? And I think even within that, like our as we're aging, especially during that time, we're still figuring out who we are, right? And I think that's also why some people really struggle with connection during that time, and other people make and meet really close friends. I know when I was in high school, I I I I kind of switched friend groups a lot, I'll be honest. Like, I because I just feel like I never really found my people. And also I was constantly changing as a person, which I think is like very normal. And so I would like be friends with some people and then I would like kind of drift away and become closer friends with other people, but I just never fully felt like I had those super, super deep friendships. It's been cool as I've gotten older to like reconnect with people from my past or my childhood. And while we're like very different people, we still can like appreciate all the experiences that we've had and still connect to like some degree. And so I don't think every single friendship has to be like you guys are exactly aligned on every single thing that you do, and yada yada yada. I think different friendships offer and bring out different parts of you, which can be a very valuable thing. And I think when you start to like look at it that way, it also makes meeting people so much easier because you're not looking at everything through such a harsh lens of well, you do this and I do this. It's like it's sometimes it's not that deep, right? However, having friends that actually support you and build you is very, very important because we become who we surround ourselves with. Like this is a huge part of the growth process as well. And I think it's why then even when you you graduate high school, you go to college, well, again, whoever's in your school, that's who you become friends with, but you also become just like these people that you spend a lot of time with. And then you go into the workforce, and now all of a sudden, if you are working in person, well, you just kind of become friends with your coworkers because it's who you see a lot, and maybe you do whatever, and you're you just whoever you're seeing frequently is who you become closest with and who kind of becomes your friends by default. But what the problem is within that is while you can acknowledge and go, okay, well, this relationship's great for this, and I this person's great because of this, it it lacks that deeper connection. Not always. Sometimes I think people meet some of their best friends that way, but it doesn't allow you to go, oh, is this like the type of people I actually want to surround myself with? And is this the type of person I want to become? And it's like if you're someone that currently is working in a restaurant and all of your close friends like work in the restaurant with you, but you have goals of being, I don't know, some artist, or you want to be like a painter, or you want to actually finally go get your degree in this and become a doctor, like whatever that is for you, right? It's a lot harder to work towards those things when everyone that you're constantly surrounded, you surrounded with is like making the same amount of money, they might have the same type of mindset, they're not thinking bigger, they're not thinking the same way as you that encourages you to push you, or maybe like none of them really work out, but you want to start working out. And so when you come into work and you want to have the shared experience of, oh, it's so hard to get up early to like before my shift in order to like go to the gym, it's gonna be hard to have people that then also are able to relate to that pain in the sense or relate to what you're going through. And so I think sometimes that can be the thing that holds people back a lot is that they are stuck in surrounded by people that they think are their close friends and they are, but just kind of by default, not actually by choice. And so that's something that I want to like bring awareness to you is really asking yourself, like, who are the people that you're spending the most time with? And are those the people that you actually want to be and you actually want to become like? Because inevitably you will to an extent, right? And then it's asking yourself, okay, if they aren't, and you're like, I don't want to be within this dynamic, or like I want to like start finding people that are more aligned, like maybe want to go to the gym, do all these different things, then you get into the question of like, okay, how does that actually happen? How do I actually start to meet those aligned people that will actually pull me up and we can all pull one another up versus like drag one another down? And if you're someone that's like, I don't even know, like I don't know who my circle fully is. I do have a worksheet inside the creation uh course that I have. The first section is all about the awakening, and this is one of the things that we talk about is like how important your circle is and how much it actually affects who you are as an individual. And so I say all that because then from here we move into this idea of like, how do you actually find aligned friendships when you aren't working? Maybe you're someone that like never worked, like I had said previously, like myself, like you don't work a nine to five, so you don't have those default people, which I think sometimes can be a blessing, right? Because I think sometimes when we do have those default people, it just becomes comfortable. So you're like, yeah, I'll just kind of stay within this. Versus if you're someone on the other side of it, that's like I never see people ever. Like that was me. Like, I like if I wanted to, especially when I was in LA, I could go a week without talking to someone, and I thought that was normal. Like I thought I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. And then I remember there's even uh there was a guy that I was speaking to before I moved out to Bali, and he would like work in an office. And so that was like a very different experience for me because it wasn't something that I would do. Like he was like a software engineer, he would see people every single day. He actually worked for I'm I don't even know if I should be saying this. I don't think it matters, I don't think he'd care. He works for Google, and so he like they the the the office that they would have, it was something that he would actually want to go into every single day. And I was like, What? You like want to go into the office? Like, what are you talking about? He's like, Yeah, I like get to see like all the same people, and so it was so interesting to hear like how his community was very important for him and how like it actually made like his work fun. And even my like ex ex-boyfriend, he like would show up every single day to the same work, see the same people. And so he would have a can with like connections and relationships with people outside of just like me and him and like maybe his siblings, whatever that is. And and it's made me realize how important it is to have those communities because it also, when you don't have those communities and you get into relationships, it's very easy to get sucked into their world and kind of like lose yourself and like lack having people to go to and talk to, and it gets you stuck in some things longer than it probably should, but that can also be outside of just relationships. Like I said, it's just comfortable, right? And so if all of your friendships are at your work or at your school, it makes it really hard to make some of those hard decisions to leave and actually change your life. However, if you leave and change your life or you're someone that works like as a freelancer and you're like, I want to make friends, like how do I make friends? It's actually very similar to a relationship where it's like you just need to be your authentic self and start showing up as the type of friend that you want, right? Showing up as like the type of relationship that you want. Like it's the same thing. And so it's like, if you know, okay, I want to be someone that starts to be a lot more active, like I want to start going to the gym, I want to meet people that also want to work out and like I want to have a gym buddy, or maybe you're like, I want to compete in high rocks, and you're like, I want to have a partner that we can compete together. Well, start going to high rocks classes, start going to a start going to the gym. And like when you're at the gym, talk to people. And it's so funny because how I met my closest friends out in Bali is the first day I landed in Bali. I and we make jokes now being like, oh, you're such a friend whore, like you were just desperate for anyone. I was like, guys, I just got here. Like I was trying to like meet people, and so you do also have to be the person that that says something. Like half the time, two people wish you would say something to them, but they're like a little nervous or a little scared to say something, or they're like, I'm just or you're afraid you're gonna like ruin their maybe their alone time. It's like you have to be the one that goes, Hey, I like your shirt, or hey, I saw you reading this. Like, what book are you reading? Like, you have to be the person that makes the conversation. You can't go your entire life expecting someone else to make the conversation. And I think it's so easy, like, even for me, I know like I have a very big personality, like I am very outgoing. Like, I have to remind myself of that. That like I sometimes have to be the one that actually approaches people to go, I actually want to make a connection with this person. And so it's knowing, like, if you do go to the gym, so start showing up in places that you actually want to like meet like-minded people. Like, if you want to meet like-minded people, go to like-minded spaces and then actually have the balls to say, Hey, but so many people are like, I want to like meet people, but their energy is so closed off. You don't say a word to people, you're like, okay, well, I'm gonna go to the gym, but then I'm gonna put my headphones in and I'm not gonna look at anyone, I'm not gonna speak to anyone, which granted, I get that. Like sometimes you have those days as well. But if you like sign up for, let's say you want to start doing chess and you're like, you know what? I love chess. This is such a random example. But it's like, I want to start meeting people that like to play chess. Well, you need to sign up for a chess club, you need to go to a chess club. But if you go to the chess club and don't say a damn word to anybody, you can't expect to build relationships off of that, right? So there's two elements that have to happen of you having the willingness to be open and speak to people and actively put in that connection. And then also the other side of it is just showing up to places that you actually want to meet new, like-minded people. And so another example is like if you want to start horseback riding or you want to start cooking, like anything that you want in another friend or in another person, you need to start becoming that yourself. Like that's with everything. Like the quickest way to attract anything into your life is to become that thing. So it's like you need to go. What is the person that I want to be friends with? How do they show up? How do they they act? And it's like, who do I want to be? And that you will meet so many people so quickly. And then again, having the willingness to go to say something. And and it doesn't have to be complicated. And it's also knowing that within this, there's gonna be rejection. And I think for women too, we're not as familiar with this space because when it comes to the dating scene, we're like, okay, well, we're gonna take a step back. You pursue me. I don't have to like deal with rejection. So I think a lot of women also aren't used to the feeling of rejection in that sense, of knowing you could say something to a woman, and it is just it is just very funny that there are a lot of similarities too. Like, obviously, you're not pursuing this woman in a way where you're trying to date them, right? But like you are pursuing them in a way of being like, oh, I want to be friends with you, or I want to get to know you more, right? Same thing with dating. Like, I I I want to get to know you more. You like you seem like you have a cool vibe, we're in the same space, and sometimes it is like just you're in conversation because you're you got put into a group together and that's how you start talking. And sometimes that's easiest, but sometimes it's like seeing someone in a locker room and going, that sounded so sus. But you see someone in the locker room, you're like, oh my god, I really like your workout set. Where was it from? And you have to know that when you say that, they might go, oh, okay, thanks, whatever. Like, yeah, it's from this. And they might be super cold and they might not talk to you, and you might go, ow, like, what's wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you, right? Like, that's just a reflection of them. That's how they're choosing to show up, or maybe they're having a shit day and the last thing they want is to make more friends. Because I know sometimes I have days where I'm like, the last thing I want is to have a conversation with a random person right now, but we're all just at different places. That's not to say you could meet me at a different day and I'd be like, oh my God, hey, like da-da-da, and having like a full conversation. But like the way that they respond to you is not a reflection of who you are. It's just a reflection of what they're going through during that time. And so, of course, it's unfortunate if someone's rude and mean, but like if it happens, it happens. And I think being able to accept that that's also part of it is like, okay, cool, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't like reach out to other people and and continue to do that and continue to put effort in to actually like meet these friends that you are looking for and want to have. And I remember even I, a long time ago, this was back when I was in LA, I was like, I really want to start meeting like-minded girls and like like-minded people, and I just feel like the scene that I'm in like isn't really my scene, and I want to start to like get more into wellness and all this different stuff. And I remember I would see this like fitness group that would like host these workout classes, and I was like, oh, I should go to that at some point. And I kept putting it off and I kept putting it off because I was like, I don't want to show up like alone to this thing, but also like I know that I have to. Like, if I'm gonna go do this, I can't bring people from my past with me. And I think sometimes that's another thing, too, is a lot of times we're like, oh, I want to like start meeting new like-minded people, but a lot of you then want the comfort of having someone from your past with you, but that's the whole past that you're trying to change. So it's really important too that you do a lot of this stuff alone, that you like go to the horseback riding lessons alone, you go to the cooking class alone. Like, you need to go to these things alone because that's kind of how you're able to make these deeper connections without the like the energy of like the pre-existing past that you're trying to actually move away from. And so that's like something else to keep in mind. And this is a great example of this, is I remember I think someone actually like was supposed to come with me when I finally decided I was actually gonna go to this thing. And some of you guys might have heard the story because ironically, this is where I met my ex-boyfriend at instead of friends. I mean, I met friends, but like I I ideally was going to the thing because I was like, I want to meet like-minded girls, like I need friends, right? And then I met a man, I was like, ah, God, fuck. I was like, no. I mean, obviously at the time I was like grateful for it and stuff, and I still am grateful for it because it's taught me so, so much. But I do think, like, now I was like, I even coming to Bali, I was like, I want female friendships first. I do not want a man in my life until I have friendships and I understand the value of friendships and I learn how to nurture those friendships because I saw how much that affected my relationship when I didn't have those strong friendships, which is again kind of like a different video for a different time. But I basically went to this event entirely alone and I ended up meeting a bunch of people. I mean, yeah, I met my ex-boyfriend of three years. So clearly there was a lot that came out of that, and a lot of my whole circle was also people that have been to that event or were like friends of friends. So because I was brave enough to go to this thing and walk in and go, hi, like I'm Caitlin, like da-da-da-da. Yeah, I felt a little uncomfortable. I felt a little embarrassed, but also it's like, who cares? Like it, and I knew going into it, and you also have to know this too, is like nothing might come from it. Like, literally nothing could come from it, and that's also okay. So it's just knowing that you're gonna continuously reach out to people, you're gonna continuously show up to these things, and you're not gonna have much expectations around it. Because I think the expectations is what can make us feel hurt, is that we're gonna walk in to this place, we're gonna say one thing to one person, and all of a sudden we're gonna be best friends and everything's gonna work out and it's gonna be amazing. And I think sometimes that sets you up for failure, where then you're let down, you're disappointed, and that's when people tend to shut down. And even like when I had come to Bali for the first time, because I had visited before I actually moved here, my energy was super closed off. So I was still in a relationship, and so I was like, I'm not even gonna look at anybody, I don't even want any of that to be an issue. Like, I'm genuinely just here for myself, I'm here for work, and I and I remember too, I was like, I would like to meet girls, but I still feel like my energy was just very closed off. And if people were talking, like I wouldn't say anything to anyone, right? So I wasn't actually making the conscious effort to try and make any sort of connection. And I think when you know that you're not gonna be here for that long, I was like, what's the point of like building that deep relationship? But I think also I was just a little bit like scared, like fully put myself out there, and I was just in like a weird place too, navigating like my relationship and everything that was going on during that time. And then versus when I came to Bali and at and when I was here the last time, I think I did have expectations of going, oh, it's just so easy to meet people, and I'm gonna run into someone and it's gonna be great, we're gonna have fun, and we're all gonna be best friends and yada yada yada. But I just was in like a very weird closed-off energy, and I had these kind of like expectations without the effort behind it that kind of led to nothing happening, but I still knew within that that there was something here for me, and I didn't exactly know what that was. So when I came back out here, this all kind of comes full circle to when I met like a girl in a locker room, and I was like, Oh my god, I like your workout set. Like, that's literally how our friendship started. And she immediately was like and started like talking back to me, and I started talking to her, and then we saw each other at the gym multiple times, and that relationship flourished from there just because I was willing to be like, hey, like, hi, and we got our energies just meshed very well, and actually met another girl that same day, and this is where they give me crap for it all the time because now they're like all friends, so I like brought them all together, and then they've introduced me to some of their other friends from being in Bali because they've lived here much longer than me, and um and so I I in the locker room as well, I run into a girl and her somehow like I think she was like touring the place, and I was also touring it. She was like, Oh, I'm Kaylee. I was like, Oh, I'm Caitlyn, like our names are so similar, and we just started speaking like very briefly. And then I went to tour a gym a different day, and I ended up seeing her again at that gym, and I was like, Oh my god, wait, I know you. We met in the locker room. And so, again, her energy super open. I think Bali's a really incredible place where a lot of people do have that energy to just be like, hey, like what's up? Like everyone is kind of like more open because they get what it's like to like come here and try and make friends and you're new and everybody's new here. And so I do think sometimes in bigger cities it's actually easier because everybody's in the same place or they've experienced it before. But also, social media is another great way to like reach out to people. Like, if you see someone that posts stuff on social that is very similar to your vibe and very similar to what you want to do, message them and be like, hey, like I'm in the area, like let's reach out, let's hang out. And they're not always gonna respond, right? Because I think sometimes a social media can be hard to like see all the messages, you get caught up in your own life, there's a lot of things going on. So, again, it's just about like not taking these things to heart, right? And just knowing like I just have to keep putting myself out there, and you'll find the people that you're supposed to be friends with, and the people that you're supposed to meet will teach you things and and you'll learn more about yourself. And then with all that being said, so that's kind of like how you actually meet friends and how you actually meet aligned friends and the type of friends you want to meet. And it's super cool now because I met my friends at the gym, which is a perfect example of it, we'll like work out together. And I feel like I've already seen how that's affected my physique and the way I show up and the way I'm like viewing fitness, and it's been incredible, and it's been like so much more the direction I always wanted to move in and always wanted to work in. And so that's that whole side of things, right? And then you actually have the nurturing of these relationships, and this is something that I honestly have always been horrible at, or I've just never put effort into it, to be completely honest. Like every relationship that I've had in a friendship way has been very low effort, honestly. It's like, well, in in some ways, it's nice because it's like, okay, I've always had good relationships where it's like I could not speak to you for six months, but the second we see each other, it's like, oh, nothing's changed. We catch up, we're able to have all this, these conversations. And I always thought that friendships were very much like, yeah, you like when you want to hang out, you text each other to see each other, you catch up when you're there, and that's just what it is. But anything beyond that, I was like, huh? So I remember I came to Bali and I start meeting these like girls and friends, and they would text me and be like, How are you? I'm like, How am I? Like, why the fuck are you asking me how I am? Like, I'm like, what? Which I've just never experienced that before. Where I was like, this is so different to me. And then also, when you are in a space like Bali, we're seeing each other all the time. So I would never see friends like every single day, let alone like just check in and be like, How are you? You know, like maybe if I hadn't seen someone for like six months or something, but I'm like, I saw you yesterday. Why are you asking me what I'm doing today? I'm like, huh? Like this, like what? And I'm like, and I'm gonna see you in a little bit. Like, I'm so confused right now. And so it was just like very eye-opening to me, like, that's how you build deep connections, which is such an obvious thing, right? And some people might be like, well, yeah, duh. And I'm like, news to me, like I did not know this, right? And so being here, it's been like, oh, you're actually able to like check in with people and be like, how are you? Like, what's going on? Like, what are you up to today? And it's like, oh, let's meet up for coffee, let's do this. And I will say again, Bali has a very easy environment where it's like, hey, let's go grab dinner, and it's not a whole production. You you're eating out all of your meals anyway, here for the most part. So it's like, yeah, let's go grab a casual meal or oh, let's go watch sunset. Like everything can be like very last minute, which allows you to like feel like you're actually, for the first time in a long time, feel like I'm living life with other people versus just like catching other people up on my life. And I think that's a huge thing that happens in adult friendships and where you start to lose that connection is every time you meet up with people, it's just giving them updates on what you've been doing in your life versus experiencing life together. And the experience of things is actually what builds a deeper connection. Like you hear this in relationships all the time, and it's a huge reason why people kind of like fall out of love is they don't they don't continue to experience new things and create new memories with one another. They just live the same day over and over and over again. It's the same thing with friendships. It's like very rarely when you get older are you actually experiencing life together. But when I'm in an environment like this, I'm like, oh, we're all experiencing life together. Well, we have updates this in each other every single day. And you know, I will say with that comes responsibility, right? And it was something that I've had to like really like kind of reteach myself to be like, you you you take on responsibility when you have relationships like that, but it is so incredibly worth it. Like it is, it is very, very worth it. It's like if my friend, like I've had friends get upset over things, and then they've come to like my villa like crying. And it's like that's something that a past version of me would be like, oh, like I don't want to have to deal with this, but a the the version of me I am now, I'm like, I'm so grateful that I have friendships like this where they feel comfortable enough to actually like come to me and like console in me, and I'm actually able to like drop the things that I had planned to actually like support them, and then knowing that I'll also get that in return, and that I don't have to like fake or pretend like everything's okay all the time. Like I can be like, hey guys, like I'm having I'm like crashing out this week, and then one of them will call me and go, Hey, do you want to talk about anything? I'm like, what? Like this is so and again, like, and I know so many people have these relationships, right? But I also know that so many people don't because I was someone that didn't have that, and so it's definitely made me change the way I view friendships and like the nurturing that goes into these friendships, and that you do need to like reach out to people on a consistent basis and and you do need to check in and you do need to have that communication the same way you do in like a romantic relationship. Obviously, it's it's different in certain ways, you're not speaking to them the exact same way, but it's like it's such a blessing for people to leave and you to care that they're leaving, right? Like, like it is so I think so many people sometimes don't want to let themselves feel deeply. This is I'm guilty of this too, right? Because they're scared of getting hurt or experiencing loss, and they probably experienced that before. But I'm like, it's such a blessing to be able to feel and to be able to feel the hurt and the pain because you love these people so much. And it's like to have friends that you're like, oh, it hurts to see you go, or like it hurts to see you get hurt. It's like, wow, that's such an amazing thing. And knowing that we get to like constantly be there to support one another. So it is knowing that friendships are hard, like they're difficult, right? And and then also knowing that with friendships, like when you build a deeper connection, then you're able to have that ability to be honest with one another, to be like, hey, I don't think you should do that. Like, I love you so much that I'm telling you from a place of love, I don't think you should do this. Like we talked about self-like real self-love in one of the past episodes, and this like kind of goes into that where that like harsh love kind of comes in. And so being able to have those relationships is so important and like making sure that you're nurturing them. If you want to be able to have those people that you can lean on, like you do have to pour into them every single day the same way that they're pouring into you. And then it's also for me knowing that in a place like Bali, people people leave and they come. And so it's like figuring out too how to still stay in contact with people, even while they're at distance, which I think can be very difficult, but it's something that happens in adult friendships a lot because we do have busy lives. And so I know that for me, I'm in an environment right now where it's very easy to see people every single day, where we're we're living life, we're experiencing life together, but there's gonna come a point where, and I even have just had a friend that like left because she's leaving for like five weeks and she's gonna come back to Bali, but I might see her in France, and it's like a whole thing, right? But it's knowing that in order to keep that relationship just as strong, it's like let's text each other, like let's catch up with one another, like on a more consistent basis. And yeah, it does add a layer of responsibility, but that layer of responsibility is like is so incredibly worth it, right? And it's knowing that that needs to be something that comes first is those relationships and is those friendships, because that is the thing that supports you through all the things that like change throughout your life. And so this has been a huge learning lesson for me. Like I have clearly said, I've learned so much here, and I'm so grateful for all of those experiences, and knowing that when I do go back to the States or I do move somewhere else, I'm gonna consciously approach friendships in a completely different way. And I'm gonna make sure that I continue to nurture all of the friendships that I've made out here because I don't want to lose those people, right? But it's knowing that within, like I get this is kind of where I like went off on a tangent, a tangent of, but knowing that when you do have those adult friendships where you're separating ways and you have children and you're not seeing each other often, you have to make the effort to just be like, hey, how are you? Like, what's going on? Call people, check in with people, and like there are some people that are so good at this, and I feel like I finally am just like, oh, this is how this works, right? It only took me 24, 25 years to figure this out, which is kind of embarrassing in some ways, but it's like you know, you don't know what you don't know. And I didn't, I hadn't experienced that before. And and now looking back, I see the way, like, even the guy, the guy I was speaking about previously, how which is like kind of like an ex-boyfriend. I don't know, we'll call it that. He would like, I'd be like with him and he would like call a friend, and I was like, huh? Like, what are you calling? Like, he lives over here, and he's but he's like, that's how you stay in contact with another, right? It's like actually take the time to prioritize that. And so I even view the way, like, if someone needs to call someone when I'm with them, I'm like, please do, and then like introduce me and like we'll all hang out and we'll all talk. And that's how all these friendships build, which has just been such an incredible thing. So that's kind of everything for today. And I just want you to know, like, those friendships are out there for you. And also, like, if you're in a period of loneliness, that's also something that can be very real too, that not a lot of people talk about is that transition phase of going, oh, I don't really know that I'm happy with my circle over here, or I don't know that it's building me up in the way that I want it to build me up, and you want to start finding those new friends, it's the same thing like anything within the growth growth process, is you might lose a few of those friends and you might not really have any for a period of time while you're working on meeting new people. But that's such a blessing. And so take that time in that time where you don't have as many friends, let's say, to relearn more about yourself and rediscover like who it is that you are, who it is you want to be. And in that time, it also gives you the space to start trying new hobbies, showing up to different places, and you will inevitably meet all of those people that you are supposed to meet. So that is everything for today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed. If you have anything that you want to see topics on, conversations around, message me, let me know on the self trials page, and we can definitely start to make more specific videos around what it is you actually want to see and things that you actually need advice on. So, with all that being said, I'll see you guys in the next episode. Bye.