You can not get a new life by staying the same person (identity shifting 101)

You cannot create a new life while staying attached to the same habits, mindset, and identity that created your current one. In this episode, we break down what identity shifting actually is, why change feels so uncomfortable, and the truth about becoming the version of yourself that can hold the life you want.

For more honest conversations, advice, and real life application, follow along on our socials @TheSelfTrials. If you're ready to go deeper and actually do the work, explore our courses and journals designed to guide you through your own Self Trials on our website.

Transcript

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Hello everyone and welcome to the Self Trials where we get real about what it actually takes to build your dream life. Jumping straight into the stuff you don't want to hear but need to hear. I'm your host, Kaylin, and today we are talking about identity shifting, identity shifting 101, or how you actually have to become a new person in order to get the life it is that you want. And this is where everyone gets stuck, and it is why I want to talk and have a whole episode around it and what it actually means to identity shift. And I think when you hear that term or that word, a lot of people's minds immediately go to like the woo-woo-y, the spiritually, and all this like airy fairy stuff. But the reality is that that is not what this is. And everything and a lot of the content that I make, I want you to know while, yes, there's the words energies, there's the words manifestation, abundance, like all of these terms that have been kind of viewed or deemed as woo-woo-y and weird and like airy-fairy, a lot of them are actually really based and backed in science when you break it down in just a completely different way. And that's a way that I think is a lot help a lot more helpful for a lot of individuals. It's something that also allowed me to dive even further into this whole world of creating your dream life because it doesn't have to be all like energy and airy fairy and all this different stuff. And I think that approaching it this way allows a lot more people to have a better understanding of what it actually takes to create your dream life. And a huge part of that is the identity shifting, is the identity work. So when you hear the word identity and identity, identity shifting, it's like, what does that actually mean? Like what is your identity? And it's a lot of things that we aren't even aware of, right? So it's like we all hold identities, and the biggest problem is that a lot of us aren't aware of what those identities are. And of course, in everybody's eyes, we're gonna have different identities, right? Like, and I think a really weird and kind of mind fuck of a thing to think about is that a different version of you exists in the minds of everybody you know. And I know that maybe you're like, I wish I didn't hear that, but think about like the way your mom sees you is completely different than the way your boyfriend sees you, or like the fact that there's people that only know a version of you from 10 years ago is kind of terrifying. Like to them, that's who Kaylin is, or that's who whoever, whatever your name is. Like that is who they see and that's who they think of. And of course, we can't think too much about that, or it could literally make us go insane, right? But I think there is something freeing in knowing that since there is a different version of you that exists in the minds of everybody else, you don't really need to focus on how everyone else views you. You just need to focus on how you view you and know that the right people will find you. And we talked a lot last week about like finding aligned friendships and finding aligned people, and so that kind of plays into that. But the reason I bring this up is because the way your mom sees you, she's gonna have like certain identities for you, and she's gonna probably place identities on you that you're not even aware of she has or isn't your choice necessarily, right? And I think this happens a lot in our upbringing, which then shape the way that we see ourselves and the identity that we create for ourselves. Because right now you might be someone, if I were to say, like, who are you? Like, right? Like, like who is who is you, okay? You would have certain things you go, okay. Well, I'm maybe you're a sister, you're a mom, you're a brother, you go, I'm maybe you're a confident person, maybe you're I'm not a confident person. Like those are also identities. So we have like titles, like mom, sister, brother, right? We have all those things. But then those don't really matter as much. Like, of course, they do in substance like relationships, and that's how you like deem what things are like on a surface level. But when it comes to actually changing your life, the identities that we really want to focus on is understanding like how do you see yourself in terms of are you a confident person? Do you think you're a hardworking person? Do you think you're a lazy person? Like those are the identities that we have to shift. So when you talk about identity shifting, it just simply means, like how it sounds, is changing your identity. So if you currently see yourself as, oh, I'm not a very confident person, I'm shy, I'm this, I'm that, all those I am statements is what creates who you are, right? But the beautiful thing is that you can actually change those. And where a lot of people get stuck is that they think that their identity is who they are. Like, like this is the thing that they are, because identity is who you are, right? But only up until this point, and only as long as you continue to say that that is who you are. Like the beautiful thing is that we can change at any given second and at any given moment. And a lot of people would actually argue me with this, saying, like, oh, well, some people are just fixing their ways, like people don't change. That is bullshit to me. I think everybody can change. Not everybody wants to change, and that is a huge difference. Not everybody's willing to do the work that it takes to change, but everybody, regardless, if you are 10 years old, if you're 90 years old, you can change. Is it harder, probably at 90 than it is 10? Absolutely, because you have 90 years of life experience re-feedbacking to you and giving you the confirmation that you are in fact this thing, right? Because you've been seeking this thing out for 90 years. So when you go to try and change an identity, yeah, it gets a lot harder at that point. But it it that doesn't mean that it's not possible. And so when the reason this is so important when it comes to creating our dream life is because everyone focuses so quickly on all the things it is that they want, right? They go, I want this house, I want this person, I want this job, I want all these things, but then completely forget about who they are and if they're even the person that's capable of getting this thing and holding this thing. And I think a really great example of this is relationships, right? Everybody says, Oh, well, I want this dream partner, I want this dream person, I want them to have this eye color, I want them to have this hobbies, I want them to do this, this, this, this, this, like all these things about the other person. Like, I want this perfect, amazing human that is able to communicate and is emotionally available and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And you forget for a second to even ask yourself, are you the person that that person would want to begin with? Like before you even start thinking and spiraling more into what your future could look like with this person, because I know we're all guilty of it and I know we all do that, you need to be like, who is it that I need to become that would be an equal match to this person, right? And that's what you hear people say, like, who would have whoever it is that you want to date or the type of person you want to date, become that person. And that is why it's because you also have to be the person that's capable of getting this other person. So when you go, okay, I want a partner that does all of these things, then the next thing you should be thinking to actually obtain that thing is, oh, well, who is it that they would want, right? And this isn't to spiral you into thinking too much like I need to act a certain way to attract a certain person and be like this, but it is having like a layer of that consciousness of knowing, okay, if I make certain decisions, if I act a certain way, it is going to attract different types of people. That's totally fine. It's just having the awareness that when you make decisions, when you choose behaviors, it does change what is attracted to you. And this is outside of just relationships, right? This is everything. And so the reality is that ultimately you want to be acting your most authentic self possible so that way that you can attract someone where you are able to just be authentic and right. And hopefully you've done enough inner work to actually know what that looks like for you and also to know what it actually is you want in a future partner, just like not just what people have told you you're supposed to want, right? And so I think those are where those two worlds kind of clash as you start acting as if you need to be X, Y, and Z to attract a person that deep down you don't actually want, it's just who you think that you're supposed to want. So that's a separate kind of video and inner work that you have to do on yourself. So really noticing that when you do find out who it is that you want, you now also have to be the person that's capable of getting that. And that's how those things get attracted together. That's how when you want to talk about more the spiritual side of things, the energetic work behind things outside of like the science of this, it's understanding that that is how attraction works in a multitude of things. It's like we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are, right? And this goes with people too. And people can only meet you on that same vibrational field if you want to look at it in that way, for you to actually be like a vibrational match to one another, where you're equally teaching each other different lessons, doing different things so that your paths ultimately cross and align. It's also how you're even gonna be in a place to meet someone like that to begin with, because that's how we talked about in the friendship stuff. If you want to meet aligned friends, you have to go do things that are aligned with the type of people you want to attract. So you kind of have to start to become them. Like if you want to be dating someone that doesn't go out to the club and they go to the gym in the morning, well, then you probably have to be going to the gym at seven in the morning, not going out until seven in the morning. Otherwise, you're never gonna meet the person that works out in the morning. You're only gonna keep meeting the people that are out at night because you are also out at night. And so this goes, again, beyond relationships, right? This is also for your career. It's like, okay, if you want this job, if you want this certain thing, or you want to start this certain business, it's like, who do you need to become in order to actually get that? So if it's an actual job, let's say, maybe there's a certain degree that you have to go get. Maybe there's, I don't know, a certain next step that you need to take, another certification that you need to get to actually even become the person, person that's capable of having the education and the knowledge to have this job or have this raise. And then you have to also go a deeper level than that. It's like, yeah, you have the certifications, you have the degrees, but then it's also like, how does that person show up? Maybe right now you're not very confident in who you are and you've always identified as a non-confident person. If you want to be able to get this next job or this raise, maybe that means that you're now stepping into a leadership position or more of a leadership position where you actually have to like take control and you have to be in charge and you have to be the one speaking to people versus the one getting spoken to. So there's all these little things that hold us back so much is because we consciously go, yeah, I want, I want the raise. I want to be promoted into this position. I want to start owning my own business. But deep down and subconsciously, you're currently operating from the identity of being scared of being seen, of being scared to have to speak to other people more or do public speaking. Like all these things hold us back. And it reminds me so much of even myself. Like, I see this happen over and over and over again with myself because it does always happen with all of us, regardless of how much inner work we've done and how much self-development development we've done. This is a process that will happen every single time. It is you want to change your life or you want to get something new. And it's a perfect example of me having come to Bali. I always come back to me talking about Bali, but it's just a huge pivotal moment in my life. And it's like now speaking and doing podcasts, like I resisted this so much for so long, and I don't know why. All of a sudden it clicked one day, and I was like, okay, no, I I feel really confident with this. But when I look back at the deeper rooted identities, it's like, do I actually have something to say that people actually want to listen to? Do I feel like I actually have the confidence to speak alone to a camera without it being like awkward or weird? Like all these things. So what I had to do in order to start to actually become someone that has a podcast, that has courses, I had to do all those things that my current identity was saying, no, no, no, like we don't do that. Like we don't do that. I was like, no, no, but we do now. And so what's funny, and this is how we kind of move into that next step, is people go, okay, well, if I currently think I'm a non-confident person, how do I just all of a sudden become confident because I don't feel confident? And it simply is just through the exposure therapy of doing it over and over and over again, so that you start to give your brain new evidence. So you're first gonna tell yourself the new story. You're gonna say, rather than continuing to tell yourself the story of I'm not confident, I'm not confident, because our brain purposely seeks out things to confirm and has confirmation bias, right? So if you say, this is like when someone says, okay, if you start, if someone says, I want you to look at a bunch of red cars, all of a sudden you'll notice a ton of red cars. Like our brain will seek out what it is focusing on, right? What we focus on expands. So it's the same thing with your identity. When you say, I'm not a confident person, your environment, your circumstances will prove to you over and over and over again that you are not a confident person to reinfor reinforce that identity, which is what makes that thing so locked in and why people think that this is just the way that they are and that they cannot change, even though they can. So the first step is to start going, oh no, I am a confident person. I am capable of talking to the camera for 30 minutes straight. I am capable of doing public speaking, of hosting, teaching, educating other people. Like I do have the confidence to do that. I'm not scared of being seen. So you have to first start telling yourself those things. And then you need to start taking the action steps towards that to actually start to give your brain that confirmation. And so for me, with everything that I was doing, that looked like pulling out my camera and starting to film. Now I love it. And I have the confirmation of, oh, I am such a confident person. I'm so good at this, right? Same thing when I had to start teaching workshops. I resisted that for so long because it just made me so uncomfortable and it like didn't fit with my current identity to be like, oh, like I have to, like, I don't, I don't know that I'm like good at educating people or like speaking or like I think I could be good, but I'm just not confident about it. Versus now I'm like, no, I need to do this thing. So what did I do? I hosted the workshop and it went amazing. But what it did was it gave my brain the evidence that I am in fact capable of this thing. I am in fact good at it, I am confident, I am okay being seen, I am good and can educate other people. And then you get feedback from that that says, okay, we can do this again and again and again. And the more you do it, the more you get that feedback, which now reinforces that brand new identity, which allows you to actually naturally attract everything that it is that you want. So the beautiful thing about identity shifting and shifting your identity and doing all the internal work is that when you do the internal work, everything else comes so much easier to you. And honestly, it's the only way to actually maintain it. Because so many people they'll go, okay, well, I'm just gonna try and get this thing and I'm gonna do this. But when you don't fix the identity, people say this all the time is you do not rise to your goals, you fall to your identity. So even if you get that goal, maybe it's just for a month, maybe it's for a day. And I think a lot of us have seen this before, where you get a little, a little inkling or a little tiny sprinkle of the future life that it is you want, but ultimately you fall straight back into your old patterns. That opportunity disappears, it goes somewhere else, it falls through, and you're always like, Why am I so close? But nothing actually seems to stick and happen. That is an identity problem. And so you need to start looking at your identity and why you struggle to hold this thing and what are the ways that you could potentially be self-sabotaging this thing and pushing it away. And I'm currently in a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge transition phase of my life. And I am experiencing this tenfold. Like I am experiencing it so much, and it's not something that I can speak about yet, but I know when I am able to speak about it, assuming it goes like in a specific direction and it comes to fruition in a certain way, I will obviously speak about it and you guys will know so much more, and it'll be a whole nother world that we can talk about. But it plays so heavily into identity. And it's like I am feeling myself having, especially over the past two weeks, completely shift my identity. I am feeling so much internal resistance, but knowing this is my opportunity to rise to become the person I've always wanted to become. Am I willing to not let my pre-existing identities, my fears, my internal resistance hold me back and pull me back to the current version of myself? Or am I willing to let it go, release it, allow myself to fall into this, allow myself to trust the process, allow myself to not be ready and to learn through doing so I can actually become this next person that pulls me into this next reality. And it's not easy, right? Like it's heavy. Like I'm having honestly a very challenging time with it because it is such a huge new thing, but I know that that doesn't mean I'm not capable. It's just new, right? And I posted a video about this, like a short form video on social, saying that like you're not incapable, it's just new. And I think a lot of times we have to re-remind ourselves of that over and over and over again. And it kind of helps give that identity a little bit of comfort. And so maybe that's something that you need to use as well. And so the reason I say all this because it is so you're you'll want to fall back into that old identity so much and you'll lose those opportunities. And I think a really good visual representation of this is I want you to think of yourself as a glass, right? Specifically in eight-ounce glass. So right now, you are an eight-ounce glass, an eight-ounce cup. You are this big. I know some of you guys, if you're listening to this on audio, you can't see it. So eight ounces is what we're gonna go with. And if you can see this visually, you can see my little hand right here. You're an eight-ounce cup. Your cup is filled all the way to the top. It has, it's filled with your current life, right? The relationship, maybe, maybe not, but like the friendships, the job, the way you make money, your current beliefs, your current identities are all held in this little cup, right? And you go, okay, you know what? I'm ready for my new life. So I'm just gonna pour out all this water. Like you're you're making the difficult thing of letting things go. You're letting your past go. So that way you can make space for your new life, right? Like everyone hears that's the first step. So a lot of people will pull out, pour out their entire old life, and then they're like, okay, I'm an empty cup. Like, I'm I'm ready for my new life to be filled up, to fill this entire thing up. And so inevitably you start to fill your cup back up. You fill it up with water from your new life, but all of a sudden your cup starts overflowing because you're still an eight-ounce glass. Like you have all of this water that's supposed to be poured in that represents your new life, but inevitably your cup is still the exact same size, so you are not capable of holding any of this stuff. So all of the new stuff that you're trying to fill up just keeps pouring over and pouring over and pouring over. So you're only still back to being able to hold eight ounces of water. So when you dump out those eight ounces of water, you also have to go, okay, what do I need to do to become now a 16-ounce glass? So you need to actually raise in double, or it's not specifically double, 12 ounces, 16 ounces, whatever, 24 ounces if you want to get crazy over here. But it's like, what do you actually, what size of glass do you now need to become? Because you no longer, you can't just dump things out and be like, oh, well, I'm I'm still me and I'm gonna pour everything in. It's like, no, you once you pour everything out, now the real work begins, right? Like getting rid of stuff and letting things go, that was step number one. I know, and I know that that's hard because letting things go was already hard enough in itself, right? You gotta let it go. And now you gotta do the work on yourself to become the person that's capable of holding everything. Because once you become that new glass, 12 ounces, 16 ounces, whatever glass you want to be, now all of a sudden, when you start to pour in your new life, pour in all the new opportunities, all the things that it is you want, all of a sudden you now are actually able to hold everything. And so that is how you actually not only get the new things, but hold on to the new things and can actually have a more fruitful, abundant life is because you actually shifted who it is that you are and became a brand new person. And this is why I think it's so funny when people talk about manifestation and they think, oh, well, manifestation just means you don't have to do anything. That's because a lot of people think that's what it is, right? It's like, oh, well, I want this, and poof, here it is. It's like, no, no, no. All of the work and all the aligned action, all the things you need to do is shifting who you are. So a manifestation is basically just setting an intention, it's setting a goal, it's saying, this is the thing that I want. And then a lot of people just sit there and they go, okay, so it's gonna come, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's gonna come. No, it's not gonna come to you because you're still the same person that you are. So the work that you need to do is less about all like, okay, how many emails can I send and how much can I do of this and how much can I do of that? It's like you need to shift who you are. And like I had said previously, then all those opportunities will naturally come to you. And when you also start to shift who you are and you start to do the meditations and you start to like ask yourself, okay, what are the thoughts that this person would have? Like, what position do I need to put myself in to start to feel more uncomfortable, to expose myself to new feelings? Like all of these things you start to do while you're trying to shift your identity, the affirmations, like all this stuff. This is also then when you'll start to get those small little pings that go, Oh, I think you should go to this cafe today, or I think you should go try this gym today, or you feel like the need to change up your routine, do something different. And the current version of you is like, I why? Like that's so weird, like it's far, it doesn't make any sense for me to go there. That is when you need to listen to that, because that's aligned action. That is your future self, like the version of you that you want to become. It's telling you, hey, go do this thing. You're not gonna know in the current right now, you why that is, but you'll know in the future because it actually makes sense in your future routine and in your future life. So the aligned action in the work that goes into this manifestation that people call it is just actually listening to your intuition of how you need to start showing up differently. And that comes from starting to shift who you are and getting in tune with this new version of you. So I want you to always think about that and be thinking, and that's why meditation is so important because when you get yourself in the silence and in your own thoughts, that's when you hear the little pings of, oh, you should like make this thing, or you should do this thing, or you should go here, you should go there. That is a step that you have to start to act on, and all the other things will effortlessly over time come to you. And so I want to finish with just giving you kind of an action step that you can actually take, because I think a lot of this sounds really overwhelming, and people are like, okay, how am I just supposed to shift my entire identity? What am I supposed to do? Start with your morning routine. That's it. Like right now, when you wake up in the morning, I want you to write down like what is the ideal dream morning routine of the dream version of you in your future life. Write that down in great detail. Be like, hey, you get up, maybe you meditate, maybe you go outside, get some sun, you drink water. How do you drink water? I know it sounds so cheesy and unnecessary to go that great in detail, but I promise you, the more detail, the better. And I remember this is one of the things I will never forget from when I first started to change my life because I wrote everything down in great detail. And one of the things I wrote down was, oh, the future version of me, I drink water out of a glass mason jar with lemon and like a metal straw and ice. Like so specific, right? But I remember I started doing that and it made me feel way better. And it's like one of the small things, right? It all adds up and it all matters. So write what that is for you in that detail and start to live that out. So that will immediately already start to get you into the feeling of being this person. So when you go to look in the mirror in the morning, it's like rather than having all these really negative thoughts, if that's what you have right now, you start having all these really positive thoughts. If you're trying to become a more confident person, you need to look at yourself and be like, oh, I'm so confident. Like, I love what I look like. I like am confident in the fact that I was able to actually wake up to my alarm. Like, that's real confidence, right? We've talked about this before. The I'm so pretty, I'm so this, like, that's another layer, that's that's a form of confidence, right? But it's not deep-rooted confidence. And I'm just using confidence because it's an easy example. But just start with that morning routine. Give you yourself something to actually start to tangibly step into this different person and start to claim these new identities for yourself. And eventually, all of those things that you're doing, that will be your new norm. It won't feel weird. You won't have to think about it, but write it down. If you need to put it on your Google Calendar, I'm a big Google Calendar girl. Like use your Google Calendar and write it down. Whatever it is you need to do to actually start to implement that to really bring it into your life. And really make it who it is you are now, not just who it is you are and want to be in the future. So, this is everything for today's episode. I know identity shifting is such a big topic and just kind of a daunting topic as well. It is one of the trials in the creation course. If you guys are familiar with that, I have a whole course that walks people through how to shift their realities and step into their dream life. Because I have a formula that I have used over and over and over again in trial three, which is in the middle of the trial, is the identity shift and really doing the identity work. The entire course has a hypnosis meditation that really helps with identity shifting and getting like straight into the subconscious. And if you're like, I don't even know what you're saying right now, go check that out on the website. It has more details about everything. I promise it's rooted in a lot of very real stuff, not just some like airy fairy, like this girl's off her rocker. Like, no, no, this stuff is real, right? And then we we talk about the awakening, the vision. That's trial one and two. We have uh the action, the inner work, so getting even deeper, and then of course the consistency of the creation because compounding effort is what gives you ultimately everything it is that you want. Like, there is a lot that goes into it. There's there's worksheets, you get the physical creation journal, all things to help make this more personalized to you so you can actually make your shift in the shift that it is you want. And then, of course, there's a community group for us all to chat, and there's also monthly calls and QA messages. So I hop on, we can talk back and forth, you can let me know what's going on in your life, what it is you're struggling with, what you need advice on, any of that kind of stuff. So if that's something that's interesting to you or something that you would like to hear more of, head to our website. There's a whole tab for the creation course, it'll be linked down below. And with that, if you also have any other messages, feel free to message me on social, whether it's about this video, life in general, or the course itself or any of our products. I would love, love, love to hear from you. So, with all that being said, I appreciate you guys tuning in and I will see you next week in another episode. Bye.