How to know the difference between internal and external resistance (the reason most peoples goals fail)

Most people don't fail because their goals are too big. They fail because they don't know what's actually standing in their way. In this episode, we break down the difference between internal and external resistance, how to identify what's truly holding you back, and why understanding this distinction can completely change the way you approach your goals.

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Transcript

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Hello everyone and welcome back to the self-trials where we cut through all the fluff and get real about what it actually takes to build your dream life. Jumping straight into the stuff you don't want to hear but need to hear, I'm your host Kaelin, and today we are talking all about the difference between internal and external resistance and why it is so so important when it comes to actually creating your dream life. And first and foremost, I do want to say if you are watching this on video, clearly this looks very, very different. We're in a very different background today. We're trying something brand new that I'm super excited about. And honestly, even if you are just listening, you can probably hear that the audio is so, so much better. I've been filming just out of my Villa and Bali. I've been using my Canon G7X, and the audio isn't amazing. It's not horrible, but I also know that it's not great. It has this like slight ringing in the background. So hopefully this completely takes that out. And then also it's just a little bit more visually crisp, and I think it's really exciting and also just a really great thing to kind of like recognize for yourself, too. Where it's like if there's something that you want to start doing, it doesn't have to start like this, right? Like obviously, nobody starts with having the most professional setup with the lights. Like there's literally a monitor I can look at myself over here and actually see what it is that I look like, but that's not how it started, right? And so when you want to start anything, you just have to start small, even if it is starting in your house, in your closet, right? Maybe you even start without video because you can't afford to get a camera immediately. So it's like it doesn't have to start big and grand, it slowly works up to that. And this is living proof of that that we're now here in an actual physical studio and we're able to slowly grow day by day. And so that's kind of like a side note for a different video. But because this is the first video in this space, I did want to talk about it and recognize that a little bit. So for today's video, same tone, same, super chill, laid back, not a whole lot of edits, just in a little bit more of a professional environment that hopefully makes listening a little bit more enjoyable and watching. But we are gonna be talking about the difference between internal and external resistance. And I also want to bring in this whole new opportunity that I've also been stepping into. And I'm gonna explain a little bit more if you're like, what are you talking about? That's a perfect example of internal and external resistance, and how if I wouldn't have known the difference, I probably would have pushed away a really, really incredible opportunity. And I think this happens a lot to so many people and is a huge reason why people don't actually end up achieving what it is that they want because they confuse this internal and external resistance and don't know how to move forward. So, with all that being said, you're probably like, okay, what what is internal versus external resistance? And so I want to start first of all with external resistance. External resistance is those moments where you're like, okay, I have a goal, I want to do this thing, but you're constantly being met outside of you with things that are stopping you from achieving this thing. And a perfect example of this is the Pilates studio that I was trying to build. Like if anybody has been following me for a while, you know that I was trying to build an in-person Pilates studio. I was doing all the pitch decks for it, I was doing all the business plans, the paperwork, like I was putting myself out there online and publicly posting about this Pilates studio that I wanted to build. And every investor I was meeting with, it was like, this is great, but this isn't the right time, or this or that, or I'd have an investor and it would fall through. There was like a ton of interest, but nobody actually fully taking the bait and I was actually fully going forward with it because I needed like $850 to a million dollars to open this thing. And then I was like, okay, the investors aren't working, so maybe we'll try the loan route and and try and see what like SBA, it's like a whole the loan world is like its whole own thing, right? But I was trying the point of all this is that I was trying all these different things and kept getting met with external resistance. And external resistance, when you are being met with so much of it, that is your sign to pull back. Like that is when you go, okay, clearly something out here isn't working. Like I felt really good about everything. Like I wasn't having a lot of internal resistance towards building this plotty studio. I was like, yes, like this is what I'm gonna do, like it's gonna be so easy. I'm gonna do this, this, this, this, and this. But I kept being met with all this external resistance. And so I took tried to take that as a sign where it's like, okay, I need to start looking in another direction. And when you're being met with external resistance, I don't want you to see it as failure necessarily. I want you to see it as redirection because what it was telling me was, okay, what you're trying to do right now isn't working. And while it might be frustrating to the current version of you or frustrating to the current version of me, I was like, I have to trust that there's something happening in the bigger picture that I cannot see that is setting me up for success or something greater than I could even imagine, right? And I think that happens a lot is that the current version of us thinks they want all of these things because they can't even conceptualize that there's something better out there for them. And that's where external resistance gets put in our path to go, hey, like there's something way better for you. So I'm going to put all these blocks up so that you can't achieve this thing in the way it is that you think that you want this thing, right? And in the moment you're like, what in the world? Like, no, no, no, like this is what I want. Why can't I have it? Like all these different things. And so it's allowing yourself to let go and release. And so within the letting go and releasing, within my own story and journey, that's where I was like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna start to take more of the online route through doing more of the online route. It also was what allowed me to go, okay, you know what, I'm gonna move to Bali. Like, screw it. Like everything I'm doing is online. Like, let's just do it. I'm gonna let go of this entire thing. What's meant to be like if I'm supposed to build a Pilates studio, the Pilates Studio will always be there, but I will never, like, I won't always be this young, right? And have the lack of responsibilities and other people in my life to do something on a whim like this and actually have online businesses that would allow me to pursue something. So it's like I am gonna take advantage of that. And then this is where we start to get more into the internal resistance. But before I fully go there, I want to give you one more visual representation of external resistance because I still think sometimes it can be hard to like really see for yourself or pinpoint, but it's the same way, like if you're climbing up a mountain and you're going on a hike and it's like, okay, you're going on a path, trying to get up to the top, and then all of a sudden you come to a point on the mountain where you can't get up anymore. Maybe there's like a steep drop or a steep incline to go up, and you physically cannot climb up that one spot. Well, none of us would sit there and just stare at it and go, okay, how am I gonna keep going up? I'm gonna keep trying to jump and jump and jump. It's like, no, you would you would look and go, okay, that's not working. I'm gonna look to my left and I'm gonna look to my right and I'm gonna walk a little bit to my left or I'm gonna walk a little bit to my right and see what other ways I can get up. So it's not about giving up, right? It's about, again, just the reframing of how else can I get here and how can I release control of thinking this was the path that I needed to take to get up there. But instead, I'm gonna start to look for other options, ultimately knowing and trusting that those other options, whether it's on the left or the right side of the mountain, actually might be way, way better and a much more enjoyable experience. And so that kind of encompass accompanies, accompany, accompanist, whatever that word is, um, what external resistance is and how when you feel that, that is your sign to pull back. So think pull back, let go, let the bigger picture unfold with external resistance. Now, when you move to internal resistance, what's funny about these two things is you would think that they are very similar, but you actually should do two completely different things. So we just talked about external being the letting go. Internal resistance is your sign to push through and push forward. And you're probably like, wait, what do you mean? It's like, because they can feel very similar in your body, but internal resistance is when everything outside of you is going very well. When you're being given opportunities left and right, you're being handed all these surprise things, but internally you're going, oh my gosh, like I don't think I can handle this. Like, I don't think I can do this. Like, no, no, no, like I'm good. I don't want to do this, like I'm not ready for it. That is your body, your nervous system just feeling so unfamiliar with a new opportunity and uncomfortable because it's new. That does not mean that you are incapable, right? And that's where a lot of us get faced with internal resistance and immediately associate it or connect it to the same response as external resistance. And we go, oh, if I must be feeling all of these feelings of anxiety and uncertainty and discomfort in my body, that means I should let go, right? No, that means that you have to push through that because that is like your current version of yourself is needing to push through in order to expand yourself to actually become the person that's capable of holding this new thing. And I still think me saying all that can sound really confusing, but I want to bring this back to kind of close the circle around this whole Pilates Studio thing, right? And so when we're talking about from my life experience, I had come to Bali, I was living my best life. I was like, you know what, the Plotty Studio will always be there, it doesn't matter. Like, it is what it is. Even though I think in a lot of people in my position, it was like I was posting about it online and I had people being like, Well, what about the Plotti Studio? And I had to know for myself, like, this doesn't mean that I failed at all. This just means that I'm being redirected, right? And I trusted that and I knew that, and I just kind of let it be what it was. I wasn't emotionally connected to it. I was like, it is what it is, right? And I had already expanded and grew as a person significantly where I knew if I was going to do a Piloty studio, it needed to be different than what it originally was to fully make it make sense for me and who I am, like at my most authentic point, if that makes sense. And so I came to Bali. I was just doing my thing. Two, I literally want to say like two months, two and a half months maybe into me being here, I get a random email on a Tuesday from a guy that I had actually connected with when I was building the Pilates Studio. Because within building the Pilates Studio, and this is what's funny, right? Is like, yeah, the end goal of how I thought it was going to play out didn't happen, but I met a lot of really great people within that. And one of these people was this guy that I just hopped on like a meeting with, because we were just connecting over having like mutual ideas, wanting to do something similar. He was building something in Miami, I was building something in Los Angeles, and so we just connected. He was super helpful with like the financial forecast and trying to help me work through this external resistance that I was experiencing, right? And so we had never spoken again, and then I get a random email from him on like a random Tuesday after moving out here to Bali, basically saying, Hey, I just signed a lease on my location. Finally, um, he was like, I know this is a shot in the dark. I think I see that you're living in Bali. However, I'm looking to bring on another co-founder and I want you to do it. Will you hop on a call? And I was like, uh, sure. Like, and I think a lot of people would think that I'd be like, yeah, like 100%, like, yes, absolutely. Like, please, please, please, let's do this. But the reality was, is like, I, first of all, didn't want to get to like, oh my god, this is the perfect opportunity. This was, this is like the solution to the Plotti Studio. Like, I didn't actually think that immediately. I was like, yeah, like let's hop on a call, but honestly, like, I don't know. Like, I just got to Bali, like, I'm just starting to build a life here. Like, I completely just uprooted my entire existence. I don't know that I'm ready to go back to the States already. I'm like, I don't know, let's just like look at this. So we hopped on a meeting. One meeting turned into another meeting, to another meeting. He sent me all their documents. I started getting into design meetings, and I was like, holy crap, this is everything I wanted to do with my Pilates studio, but 10 times better and so much more than I could have ever done on my own. And I now have a team of people to actually do this and like bring this thing to life. And you would think, like, okay, that must be amazing. You were like 100%, yes, still no. Like the amount of internal resistance I was feeling during this was the most internal resistance I've ever felt in my entire life. Like, if I'm being completely honest, like I remember feeling like I would, like, it was like a version of me was dying, right? And me having to really step in. And also, I think this this element of being like, am I capable of this thing? Like, can I actually do this? And it was, I had to sit there and tell myself over and over and over again, like, you are not incapable, it is just new, right? And that I had to sit there and say, you are not incapable, it is just new. Like you are very capable and you have all the skill sets. And I think when those things come come up and we start to have a little bit of that imposter syndrome or that self-doubt, like that's all very, very normal. But rather than letting it consume you, you have to go, okay, wait, wait. Actually, if I sit here and look at the facts, am I actually capable of doing this? One, I fully believe if you didn't have the opportunity, you like you wouldn't be ready if you didn't have the opportunity, right? Like the opportunity in itself is a sign that you are in fact ready to do this thing. Because ready isn't a feeling, it's a decision, right? And you having to actively choose to show up and push through this discomfort of stepping into what new responsibilities look like. And so I was having to do a lot of that and going, I am actually capable of doing this thing, and then looking at the facts of like, why are you actually capable of doing this thing? And when you go and actually look at it and go, oh, these are all the things that I've done in the past, like I am so, so capable of doing this. Like, there's a reason this person is reaching out to me. There's a reason this opportunity is in place. And I think when you actually break it down for yourself, rather than just having like all the affirmations of, I'm so confident, I'm so strong, I'm so perfect for this, and in more of like a woo-woo-wee whimsical sense, it's like look at the facts. It's like what actually makes you capable of doing this thing. And I think it can be really reassuring when you actually look at it from a biased standpoint of how other people perceive you that it's like, no, you are a hundred percent capable of doing this, even though you don't fully feel it in your body. And so for me, that was a huge sign where I, if I hadn't pushed through that internal resistance, I would have just let that opportunity like go. And I'm telling you right now, like after pushing through, I am fully signed on for this project, right? So now I'm fully a co-founder of this wellness project that I will be speaking about more so in the future and what that actually is going to look like. Like now I'm like, oh, this is a thousand percent what I meant to do. I'm a thousand percent capable of it, and I feel a hundred percent confident of it. And even if I look at my phone on my lock screen, I keep like a little vision board, and I was like, oh, this project is the like a portal, I guess you could say, or like the the way into this lifestyle. Like I feel like I have fully now through all of the things I had to do in the preparation for this project and flying out to Miami to meet the team and having my feet on the ground, it has transformed me as an individual already, and it's already given me like a layer of grounded confidence that I can walk in with and be like, oh no, no, like I am this person. It's no longer this thing of I have these vision boards and and this stuff of what I want. It's like, no, this is like an actual reality that's happening for me now. But that didn't mean that the little bridge to get there wasn't uncomfortable, right? And so I want this to be your sign and your reminder that that is the internal resistance that we face on a daily basis. And it's so easy to just fall straight back into the like, oh, like I know, like this isn't for me. Like I, this resistance I'm feeling is a sign to let go. When in reality, it's actually a sign to push forward and continue through the discomfort. Because you are anything that you want in life, you are going to feel resistance towards and it's going to feel uncomfortable. And that's also a great example of how external and internal resistance can be coexisting throughout one experience. So while the I started with external resistance within this whole building an in-person wellness project, it moved towards, or I guess it started with external resistance and moved towards that internal resistance. And these are the things that we see happen over and over and over again. And while that's one example on a huge scale, there's also a thousand other examples. Like even the self-development brand, the way I've seen that grow and scale and how I always knew I needed to host workshops, but felt so much internal resistance towards it. Because I was like, no, like I just would feel like this deep-rooted fear a little bit. And then it's funny now how I absolutely love them. And I'm like, oh yeah, I look forward to being able to teach these things. And then when you do one, you get a little bit of confidence. You do another, you get even more confidence. And then all of a sudden, that becomes your new baseline and that becomes your new norm. And then there'll be something else that you need to do to help you grow, scale, and expand. And then that's gonna feel uncomfortable, right? But if you never push through that internal resistance, you are never actually going to grow as a person. So, moral of the story with all of this is like internal resistance is your sign to push through, keep going. Internal resistance is your sign to pull back, let go, and let the bigger picture unfold. So that is everything for this whole internal, external resistance conversation. I think it is just just so, so important to note for yourself because so many people walk around so unaware of what those different feelings are and how to actually move forward when they experience those different things. And it's a huge, huge factor into your ability to actually bring the things that you want to life. So I hope that gives you a little bit of insight on that entire world and how to actually move forward between those two different experiences. And I'll see you guys next week in another episode. Bye.