Carrie - We All Want to Be Remembered

In this episode of Project You 2.2, we explore the universal human desire to leave a mark on the world. From childhood scratches on desks and trees to the stories we carry as adults, our need to be remembered is less about fame and more about significance—about the impact we have on others.

Through reflection, psychology, and gentle coaching, we examine the difference between being seen and being meaningful, and how we can live with intention in the time we have. You’ll be invited to pause, consider what truly matters, and take one deliberate step toward leaving a lasting, quiet legacy in the lives around you.

Transcript

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Welcome to Project You Two Po, the podcast for people who've lived enough life to know that the old definitions of success don't really fit anymore, and who are ready to ask better questions about identity and what it means to live a life with joy. I'm your host, Carrie, a retired teacher, mom of three sons, and someone who believes the most important growth in life happens quietly after the role shift and the expectations change. I'm glad you're here. Our topic today revolves around a book I just read for my book club and a story from my father-in-law's childhood. We all want to be remembered. When I was a teacher, I would see the results of students writing their names on desks. We carve our names into trees, we scratch them into lockers with keys. In high school, I remember there was a boy who spray painted my name on a massive rock at the beach walking down the pier. We never dated, but it felt good to see my name on a rock that everyone who walked down the pier in our town could see. Not because it meant forever, but because for a moment it meant I existed. I mattered enough to be written down. And that feeling, that quiet ache to leave proof that we are here, it doesn't leave us when we grow up. We have a human need to leave a mark in this world. And when we're young, it might look like rebellion or defiance, maybe risk, but underneath it, it is longing. Psychology tells us that one of our deepest human needs, right alongside safety and belonging, is significance. Not fame, but the feeling that my life mattered to someone else. That's why we hold on to things like old notebooks or birthday cards, why we tell stories about who we used to be, even when they make us cringe a little. My father-in-law once climbed a water tower with his buddy when they were in school. They took spray paint and painted their initials and their graduation year with their high school initials. They got caught by the police and it didn't take much detective work to figure it out. They just had to look through a yearbook. And yes, they were in trouble as the police officers came and knocked on their doors the next morning. But when I hear that story, I don't think vandalism. And even though that may have been the initial thoughts of the police officers or the parents, I think it was two teenage boys standing high above their town saying, Don't forget us. We were here. And this story reminds me of a book I just read by Nikki Erlich, and it is called The Measure. In this book, there's a piece of art connected to it that just stopped me, and in the measure, people are given a string that tells them how long their life is going to last. And so this artwork took 500, I believe, different strings of varying lengths, and suddenly time is no longer abstract. It is visible, it is finite, you could measure it, but what rises to the surface isn't just fear of death, it is the fear of disappointing, fear that when the string ends, nothing remains. And the real fear is not dying. I think that what the story quietly reveals is that most of us are less afraid of the actual death, and we are more afraid of being forgotten, of loving deeply and not being missed, of working hard and not being known. I remember when I was teaching, one of my colleagues said, Carrie, when we retire, after a couple of years, no one here will remember us. Every four years in high school, the students cycle through. And so in just a couple of years, no one will know who Mrs. Helmer was, except for our colleagues that we work with. And that's a very sad feeling when you really stop to think about it. And we are afraid of being forgotten, of surviving without significance. And psychologists call this symbolic immortality. And it's the idea that we want parts of us to live on after we're gone. And so to that, we have to remember that, right, the students who are currently in that high school will no longer know who we are. But our legacy lives on in all of the thousands of lives that we touched while we were doing the work. And so it is through people, it is through meaning, through impact. And that's why the string in the book, the measure, matters. Because once time has an edge or it's defined, we stop asking, how long do I have? And we start asking, what will still be true after I'm gone? And so this shows up in real life where some people try to leave their mark loudly. Maybe it's through their achievements or titles, awards, legacy projects, and then others just do it quietly. And I'm not saying there's one right way, but others might do it by raising good humans or being in a safe being a safe place for others, showing up when it's inconvenient, being there for others. And then some of us, we keep trying to write our names on rocks that won't last through the approval of others or being productive because we value being needed at the cost of being known. We confuse visibility with significance, and they're not the same thing. So I want to ask you something. What are you trying to leave your name on right now? Are you trying to leave your name in places that will fade or in people who will carry you forward? If your string of life were shorter than you expect, what would suddenly matter less to you? And what would finally matter more? Who would miss you? And not what you do for them, but truly miss your presence. You don't need to climb a water tower to paint your initials, you don't need to spray paint your name on a rock, you don't need to be remembered by everyone. You just need to matter deeply to someone. Because being remembered isn't about permanence, it's about impact. It's about the way your voice lives on in someone's head when they're scared. The way your kindness becomes someone else's courage, the way your belief in them becomes the reason they don't quit. I have to repeat that because that one was so meaningful to me. The way your belief in them becomes the reason they don't quit. That's how we live on, not in headlines, not in perfection, but in nervous systems when we help calm others in lives that felt safer because we were in them. When we look at the book The Measure, it doesn't change how long we live. It changes how honestly we live. And maybe the mark we leave isn't carved literally in something or written or documented, but maybe it's carried in the stories that we tell or in the way someone loves because of you. In the way the world feels steadier because you were here. We all want to be remembered. The question is not if we will be, the questions are for what? If you stopped trying to prove your worth or stopped living trying to meet others' expectations, because that's easy to do. Where would you place your energy instead? What would change if you measured your life by the impact you have instead of the output? Or who is one person you could show up for more honestly this week? You don't have to answer all of these questions, but I hope not just one will sit with you. Maybe it's the one that feels a little uncomfortable because that's usually the one telling you the truth. So here's some direction for you. And this is not a to-do list, it's just you making one intentional choice this week. Choose one place to leave your mark quietly, not online, not for applause, not for credit. Choose a place where your presence matters more than your performance when you can be fully present with one person, not trying to fix them, not multitasking, but just listening. Say the thing you've been holding back, the gratitude, maybe it's an apology or some truth, or offer steadiness when there's anxiety. Be a calm voice or a safe place for someone this week. Research shows that people don't remember what we accomplished nearly as much as they remember how they felt in our presence. And it reminds me of when people look at photos. If you have a group of people in a picture, each person is going to automatically just first zoom in on themselves to check their hair, their teeth, their bulges, their perspective of how they look. And each person in that photo does that for themselves. We don't pay attention to others as much as we do ourselves. So pause, really be present and pay attention to others, be a source of safety and offer true warmth and belief because those are the things that last. This is Project U 2.2, where we make a choice to start living with more joy, a place for conversations, quieter courage, and the kind of growth that changes lives, not just goals. So until next time, live in a way that leaves other people better.