The Stories We Tell… and the Person They’re Creating

The stories we tell ourselves and others are doing more than explaining our experiences… they are shaping who we become.

In this episode of Project You 2.2, Carrie Helmer explores the subtle ways our words, reactions, and conversations reveal what is happening beneath the surface. From workplace conversations and gossip to teenage belonging and everyday frustrations, we’ll look at how the angle we choose when telling a story often reveals more than the facts themselves.

Carrie shares a powerful reminder: we all need spaces to process life, but there is a difference between processing and positioning. Are we seeking understanding… or are we trying to prove our place in the story?

Through personal experiences, including her Apple Pay frustration saga, Carrie challenges us to notice the moments when our environments, emotions, and conversations begin shaping our identity.

This week’s “ping moment” invitation:
 -  Notice the stories you tell.
 - Pay attention to your tone and your angle.
 - Ask yourself: Why am I telling this story this way?

Because every conversation, every reaction, and every story we repeat is quietly creating the person we are becoming.

Project You 2.2 is about becoming more intentional—one small shift at a time.

If you enjoy these conversations, tap Follow or Subscribe on your podcast app. It’s completely free and simply helps you stay connected so you don’t miss future episodes. (Think of it as being an A+ student in your own growth journey!)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hi friends, welcome back to Project U two point two. I'm Carrie Helmory, life coach, former high school math teacher of 31 years, mom of three boys, and someone who has become fascinated by a simple question. Who are we becoming without even realizing it? Last week we talked about what I called the slow drift, the idea that we don't usually become a different person because of one life-changing event. We become different because of hundreds or thousands of tiny moments that slowly shape us over time. And I shared what I called ping moments, like that metal detector sweeping across the sand. Most of the time finding nothing. But then a little beep, something underneath the surface, something worth paying attention to. And I challenged you to notice those pings and not because they always require a big action, but because awareness is always the first step toward change. Today I want to show you another kind of ping, one that I think shapes every one of us. The stories we tell because I've realized something. Have you ever noticed that with a friend or even with yourself? The facts might stay mostly the same, but somehow the angle changes. Maybe we emphasize one detail or we leave another one out. Maybe we exaggerate something just a little bit. And not because we're trying to lie, but because we're trying to communicate something. And I am fascinated by this idea because I've realized the angle often tells the truth more than the facts do. And I want to say that again. The angle tells the truth more than the facts do. Not the facts themselves, the angle, because the angle often reveals what we're feeling and what we're protecting, what we're hoping someone else will validate. And that's where my metal detector brain starts pinging. I saw this constantly during my years as a teacher. I would be standing in the hallway talking to another teacher, and maybe people were frustrated about something. Someone would complain about a new initiative. Another person would vent about leadership. Then the staff meeting would begin, and suddenly it was if just like as if someone had flipped a switch. Everyone was smiling, nodding, agreeing. And now I'm not saying that's right or wrong because conflict is complicated. Workplaces are complicated, people are complicated. But what fascinated me wasn't the behavior, it was the shift. I've caught myself doing versions of this too. Not saying different facts, but presenting different versions of myself depending on who was in front of me. Because deep down all of us want something. We want to belong, we want to be understood, we want people to think well of us. Those desires are incredibly human. But sometimes without realizing it, we slowly trade honesty for acceptance. And every time we do that, something inside of us shifts just a little bit. And it gets me thinking about something else gossip. Why does talking about other people feel so connecting? Seriously, why? I don't think it's because we're bad people. I think it's because shared opinions create this instant belonging. Someone says, Oh my gosh, did you hear what happened? And then suddenly there's this feeling of connection. And they'll say things like, I know exactly what you mean, or I thought the same thing, or me too. It's this instant belonging. But the problem is that sometimes that belonging is built on someone else's absence. And that can be fragile. We've all been there. Where you're standing in a group and everyone's talking about someone who wasn't there, and maybe it's harmless, maybe it's not. But in the back of your mind, there could be this question if they're talking about them today, what gets said when I'm not here? And that can change a room, and it's one of those slow drifts. And I want to be very careful here. We all need people who can process life with us. We all need trusted friends. We all need places where we can say I'm hurt or I'm frustrated or help me think through this. That's very healthy, and that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the subtle difference between processing and positioning. Processing says, help me understand this. And positioning says, let me tell you why I'm the better person in this story. It's that line. It's much thinner than we like to admit, and I've crossed it before, and that's why I notice it. I saw this with teenagers all the time. And this isn't just like catching up or hearing stories or hearing what people are up to. And with teenagers, because teenagers don't just learn math when they came to my classroom, they were learning how to belong. They're figuring out who they are, uh, who they become around different friends. And sometimes it looked like laughing at a joke that they didn't really think was funny, or sometimes it looked like joining criticism that they didn't actually agree with. Sometimes it looked like becoming a different version of themselves, depending on which lunch table they were sitting at. They weren't being fake, but they were practicing. They were practicing who they became under pressure, and honestly, I think adults do the exact same thing. We are just maybe a little better at disguising it. I remember years ago being part of a women's group, and at some point plans were made, and not everyone was invited, including me. I remember trying to piece everything together. Who knew about this plan? Who went? Did I do something wrong? Why wasn't I invited? Did I miss something? And looking back now, I I don't remember even most of the details, but I remember the feeling. Because when you're excluded, it has a way of making us create stories. We have all these questions in our head, like maybe they don't like me, maybe I'm too much, maybe I'm not enough. And sometimes those stories might be true, many times they are not true, but our brains start filling in the blanks anyway. And this brought me right back to the last episode from last week where I talked about my Apple Pay saga and how I was on hold for hours and I was transferred and I was asked to call another company, and it just was repeating my story over and over again, different companies pointing fingers at each other. And what struck me afterward wasn't how frustrated I became, but it was who I was becoming while I was frustrated. Apple didn't just test my patience, but that situation tempted me to become a less patient person. And that's different because environments don't just frustrate us, they shape our tone. They shape our tone. And I caught myself thinking and talking about the situation differently. I was a little sharper, I noticed my tone changing, I was becoming a little bit more cynical, a little less generous and kind. And then it was fascinating when one representative asked me what I did. And instead of saying I'm retired, because I thought that made me sound like an old woman who didn't know and they would all of a sudden treat me differently. So instead I said, I'm a math teacher, and I'm usually good at figuring things out. And honestly, this one has me exhausted. And when I said that, the representative's entire tone changed. Immediately she became more patient, more invested. She stayed on the phone, and we finally solved this whole situation together. Nothing about the problem changed. I changed how I position myself, and then it changed the interaction. That moment has stayed with me because whether we realize it or not, we're constantly adjusting how we present ourselves. We're adjusting our stories, our tone, even little pieces of our identity depending on who we're talking to. And that's where today's ping really landed for me. Every story we tell is also a story about us. And it's not just the words or the content, it's the way we tell it, the angle, the emotion, the purpose. So now when I catch myself telling a story, I ask a different question. Not was the information accurate, but why did I tell it that way? Or was I looking for validation? Was I looking for sympathy? Was I trying to impress someone? Was I trying to make someone else look smaller? Was I trying to make myself feel bigger? Because those are pretty uncomfortable questions, but they're honest ones. So I'd love for you to notice something this week. I don't want you to try to fix it or to try to judge yourself. Just notice. Notice the stories that you tell. Notice your tone. Notice your angle. Notice what happens inside of you after you tell them. Did you feel lighter, kinder, more compassionate? Or did you leave the conversation just a little more cynical, a little more judgmental, a little less like the person you want to become? Because I think that's the real ping. The conversation may be over, but something inside of you shifted, and that is what is worth paying attention to. Awareness doesn't ask us to become perfect, it simply invites us to become intentional. Because every conversation, every reaction, every story is shaping the person we are becoming. And that's exactly what Project U 2.2 is all about. I am Carrie Helmer, and I'll see you in the next episode. But before you go, can I ask one small favor? If you're enjoying these conversations, would you please tap follow or subscribe on whatever app you're listening to? Just so you know it's completely free. It doesn't sign you up for a paid subscription or cost you anything. It simply makes sure each new episode shows up so you don't miss one. I like to joke with my coaching clients that I was a teacher for 31 years. So if we're going to do this together, I want you to be an A plus student. Follow the podcast, come back each week. Let's keep growing together one small shift at a time. And I hope to see you in the next episode.