The Dx2 Podcast
Two sisters discuss what they are learning about having a balanced wheel of life that rolls along as smoothly as possible.
The Dx2 Podcast
Can we be Friends?
Ever wish your friendships left you lighter, wiser, and more grounded instead of drained? We dig into the social spoke of the Wheel of Life and get real about what makes relationships truly supportive: the kind of trust that invites honesty, the grace that lets flaws be sifted, and the independence that keeps love from turning into neediness. Along the way, we share personal stories—friends who changed us, seasons that ended well, and gentle exits from ties that no longer fit.
To anchor it all, we outline five markers of real friendship: trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence. These aren’t abstract ideals; they’re practical checkpoints you can apply today. If you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd, we offer a simple challenge: go first. Smile, sit with someone new, start the conversation. Then choose two small actions to strengthen your social spoke this week—send a grateful note, set a kind boundary, or reconnect with a lifetime friend.
Subscribe, share with someone who’s ready to build a healthier circle, and leave a review to tell us which principle you’ll practice next. Your support helps more listeners keep their wheels rolling smoothly.
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Welcome to the D Times 2 podcast, hosted by Sisters Denise and Deborah. We are all about finding balance in the various parts of life. Using the Wheel of Life as our guide, we explore how to keep each spoke rolling smoothly. We discuss health and wellness, education and spirituality, as well as mental and emotional growth. Join us for real conversations, practical tips, and a few laughs as we share stories, insights, and strategies to help you create a life that feels balanced, purposeful, and designed by you.
SPEAKER_00:Hey Deborah. Hi Denise. Good to see you today. You too. How are you doing? Pretty good. You've been up to anything interesting lately?
SPEAKER_01:I did something this week I haven't done in many, many years. I went with our mom to pick some grapes at somebody's house that's close by. She has a grapevine that's producing with a lot of grapes. And she's older and doesn't really pick them anymore. So we got to go over there and pick a bunch of grapes. We picked two five-gallon buckets full. Holy cow. It was quite a few grapes. But then we brought them home and we steam juiced them. So we have fresh, fresh grape juice sitting on my counter. I love fresh grape juice. I do too. It's like the nectar of the gods. So good. Yeah. Yeah. On ice. On ice, yes. So that was fun. I I messed up a little bit and I stained our concrete on our back patio. But my husband forgives me because he loves grape juice. Yeah, that's what I've been up to. Nice. It was fun.
SPEAKER_00:Good time with mom and outside. Outside in nature. Yes. Well, what do you want to talk about today? Or what are we talking about today?
SPEAKER_01:Today, let's talk about the spoke of social/slash friends. Okay. And mostly the friends part of it. I've been thinking about that for a while and how friendship looks different at different times in our lives. Totally. I want to share an Arabian proverb about friendship. Okay. This is how it goes. A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take it and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness to blow the rest away.
SPEAKER_00:That's nice. So they basically take the best parts of you and ignore the worst parts of you.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. Just let those go. And I was thinking about that. That's so true. We all have good parts and not so great parts. Yep. And real good friends, true friends, will not hold on to the chaff, the unwanted parts. So that's a good thought.
SPEAKER_00:It is a good thought. I do want to say though, too, that I think a good true friend will also sometimes call you on the not so good parts. Yes. And help you see insight or help you, but in the kindest, most loving, gentle way.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I I agree. A friend is not just going to blow over everything in your life because that that's pretty superficial. They're not just a yes man. Right. Yeah. So, but it says with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. And sometimes that blowing the rest away is helping you to improve and turn it into something good. Yeah. I think friends, true friends, leave us better than how they found us. So they can bring out the better parts of us and and help us to improve. Friend, I don't think you're truly a friend if you leave something worse off.
SPEAKER_00:That's nobody needs that kind of a friend.
SPEAKER_01:No.
SPEAKER_00:And we should strive to be that kind of a friend that we leave others better than we found them. Yes. I mean, that's literally one of our goals with what we're doing with this podcast is to leave everyone. Hopefully, you're our friends. Yes. Even for virtual friends, but leave you better than you than we found you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Have do you have any friends like that that you can think of in your head that you've encountered, become friends, and they've either left you or helped you become better?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm I'm gonna say, like, I usually keep my circle of friends fairly small. I have a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot that I consider like true friends that I could have a bare my soul conversation with. And with those friends, I mean, some of them I literally haven't seen in 20 years, but they are still my heart-soul friends, and they have left me forever better. Yeah, some I have seen more recently or made friends with more recently, and same thing. They have changed me in a different way, they've made me see life in a different way, they've helped me improve myself, and hopefully it's been reciprocal.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, friendships are not one directional. No, I think sometimes we can be friendly with pretty much anybody, right? There are people we're not going to dive with, we're not going to click with, but we can still be friendly to them.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But that doesn't mean they're they're the bear your soul kind of people. I think we have to be guarded, guarded on how we bear our soul to some people.
SPEAKER_00:I think we have to be in a trusted space, like we have to have trust. We have to be in a trusting space to do that. For sure.
SPEAKER_01:We are influenced by the people we hang out with, right? Definitely. So the five people you spend the most time with are the people who will influence your life the most. Yes. So who do you surround your life with?
SPEAKER_00:So I I really tend to surround myself with pretty good people. Most of them I am married to or blood related to, but they're who I choose to have as friends in my life. There are other people that I choose that are, I'm gonna say, I surround myself with them through print, like through books or through podcasts. So I might not know them personally, but they are in my sphere and they are influencing me.
SPEAKER_01:That's a good point. Because I'm the same. My close group is fairly small, but I do try to read good things and uplifting things. So those authors become part of my circle of friends, quote, friends.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, to me, they are friends. They are who I'm surrounding myself with. They are leaving me better than they found me.
SPEAKER_01:Which is good. Like there are some good, there are some good books, there's some good things that you can.
SPEAKER_00:There's good podcasts, there's good social media channels, even that can be really life-affirming. And it's not an like I say, it's not an in-person friendship. But some of those people, I feel like they're my friends and they are influencing my life.
SPEAKER_01:So there's a principle called marinating in your social circle. So who are you marinating yourself with? Because it because it does permeate most of your life, if not all of your life, the the things that you're marinating in. So marinade in good things, marinating good books, good relationships, good social connections.
SPEAKER_00:So that immediately made me think of two famous sayings. One of them is birds of a flat feather flock together, and like attracts like. So hopefully, if you're being a good person, you attract good people into your life. Yes. And hopefully, as like for myself, as I try to be better and as I hopefully become better, I attract even better people into my life.
SPEAKER_01:You constantly up-level yourself, which up-levels the people that you're around, which up levels your social and friend circles.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And hopefully those people that you were with most, your family, your friends. You said it was your spouse and your family. Hopefully, as we same with me, uh, hopefully, as I up-level myself, it up-levels them as well. Mutually beneficial relationships. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Never beat a dead horse. That saying has been around for a long time for a reason. People that are drinking energy drinks all day long just to stay functional, that's what they're doing. They are beating themselves up like they were a dead horse. We gotta stop doing that. The only energy drink that I recommend to my clients is update. It's clean energy without caffeine. So you don't have jitters and chaos and like the problems that caffeine causes in the body. And it also helps to give you focus and a clear mind. It's really the one I use and the one I recommend. To get a discount off of your order, go to drinkupdate.com and use the code DX2. That's D times two. That's us. So drinkupdate.com and then the code for your discount is DX2. I think it's important too to realize that friend groups look different for different people and different personalities because, like, I choose to keep mine pretty small. That's what I like, that's what I'm comfortable with, it's what I want. Other people like to have a lot of friends. Like I'm thinking specifically of my stepdaughter. She never met a person who's not her friend. True. And she adopts people into her chosen family. Like they're friends that become family. And so her circle just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And she maintains good contact with them. She likes has great dialogue, good like visiting patterns, the whole deal. But she likes a lot of people. To me, that's overwhelming. So things can look different for different people, but it's what are you choosing? Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And it does look different at different times in your lives. When we're teenagers, our friend circle looks very different than when we're in our 30s. Yeah. Or if you're a young couple, your friend circle looks different than when you're an older couple. So it the different times in your life have looked different for your friendships and social circles, just like everything else. It's okay for it to change and evolve as your age changes, as your situation changes, and as your maturity level changes. So there are that brings me to our next point. There's a reason for friends, there's a season for friends, and some friends are a lifetime. So when my kids were in school, I was have I was involved in their classrooms and in the PTO. And those people were my friends during that time. And not like we're not friends now, but we don't have as much connection now as we did then. When I see them out and about in the town, I still say hi to them and we're still friendly, but it's not like we're together a lot.
SPEAKER_00:Their relationship has evolved based on where you are in your life. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:I have a friend that I knew all growing up. We lived down the street from each other, and in high school we got pretty close and we moved away from each other. And sometimes I see her, and it's just like the good old days. We still talk to each other, and it's like we never ever left each other ever. Yeah. That to me is a lifetime friend. Like you still have that deeper connection and can catch up, and it's like you still talk to each other, and it's like nothing ever happened. No distance, no time ever happened. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Those are, I'm gonna say, those are my with outside the family friends, those are my most cherished friendships. I'm thinking about one specifically, like I never knew this girl until I got a job working in a cemetery. Okay. And she was like my long-lost sister. We connected from day one. Our relationship got deeper and deeper. We could talk about anything. We got integrated into each other's families. I left that job after some years. And to this day, I will randomly text her, I love you, I miss you. And she will do the same. Like we're still connected, but we don't see each other and interact like we did at that time.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But she's my friend for my lifetime. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_01:Those different categories, friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime, they all serve a good purpose. And I think as long as you're in that relationship, that friendship with honesty, not for what you can get out of it. Yeah. Uh, those are good friendships.
SPEAKER_00:I'd rather leave somebody after a season and not having a transactional friendship.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:An honest, truly equal, respectful friendship. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Those transactional relationships are so bad.
SPEAKER_00:I'm not a fan.
SPEAKER_01:No. I don't like them. No. I'll do this for you. If you do that for me, and that's that's just not right. Or sometimes we have friends that just suck the life out of you. Yes. And that's not really a friend, that's a transactional relationship.
SPEAKER_00:We call those suckers. Or vampires. Vampires, yeah. Like they drain the life out of me. And I've had some like that, and I choose to let the friendship go. They don't always know that. I don't always have a conversation, but I just make distance or like I just kind of remove myself.
SPEAKER_01:And remove yourself with kindness and love. And yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I don't say you're killing me. I gotta cut you loose.
SPEAKER_01:That would be so harsh. Yeah. That would be so harsh. Maybe there are relationships where you have to actually say those words, but we try to be kind. Yeah. So so there are building real building relationships, friendships, and there are detrimental friendships. I think those detrimental friendships aren't really friendships. They are relationships that are, like we said, transactional and just not really beneficial to either party.
SPEAKER_00:I do say though, like I think you can learn from them. You can learn this is a way I don't want to be a friend. Or in my next friend group, I'm going to look for these other things because I know now I don't want that. Yeah. So it doesn't have to be a bad experience.
SPEAKER_01:No, no. It's just an experience, right? And you can take the good and leave the bad. Yeah. Take what is helpful and leave the detrimental behind. But just try not to be that person. Try not to be that person that just vampires the life and the good out of somebody else. That's not good. That's not a good message to send out to the universe that you're that kind of a person.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I've had some conversations with my husband about that. I'm going to say multiple times over the course of our marriage, where he will tell me, I feel like I don't have any true friends because unless I reach out to them or unless I say, hey, do you want to do this? They only get in touch with me when they need something. And I say, Yeah, they're not your true friend. Like you need to look for more. You know, he's got a couple that are great friends. They mutually call on each other, they're mutually beneficial, but he has held on to these long-term relationships because they used to do this together. Like they used to serve him in an earlier point in life when they had something in common, they no longer do. So it's all now become more transactional. So they were friends for a season.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. And then they keep became friends for a reason. And now it's time to let them go. I think that there are some friends slash relationships that we have that we do call on them when we need help from them, and they call on us when they need help from us. I don't know that that's necessarily a bad relationship.
SPEAKER_00:I don't think it's a bad relationship, but I would hope that that wouldn't be the only time you communicate with each other.
SPEAKER_01:I'm I'm thinking of a friend that my husband has that they have a great time when they're together. Like we see them in social situations from time to time and they talk to each other. They reach out to each other if they need help with cars. Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00:So they know they can call on each other. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They're not calling on each other just to chat. I don't know that there are a whole lot of men that do that. They're not the chatty kind, but they will reach out to each other if they need, you know, car assistance. Yeah. And they're happy. And then they spend hours together working on car, well, a little time working on cars and the rest of the time just chatting. So that I think that there's there's different aspects, different ways to look at that kind of a relationship. I guess it's not really I don't think that's a transactional relationship. I don't think so. Because it's still friendship.
SPEAKER_00:You just it looks different. Yeah. And they every friendship is going to look different. That's okay.
SPEAKER_01:And some people have a lot of friends, like you said. My soon-to-be daughter-in-law is very friendly. She has a very big social circle. And she, like almost every weekend, she's at another friend's wedding reception. I'm like, how many friends do you have? She does. She has a lot of friends. She's very friendly with lots and lots of people. I am not that friendly with people. I have friends that their kids get married and they go to the receptions and things, you know. But I just thought it was funny that she has that big of a circle. It's different to me. But it's very her. Yeah. And she's very comfortable with it. She she loves people and her majors public relations. So that's very good.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. She that's what suits her. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I I do like my social circle a little bit smaller.
SPEAKER_00:I try to be friendly with people that I encounter, but yeah, you say yours is small, but I know for sure yours is bigger than mine. I'm gonna say in person. Yes. I'm that might be just because you've lived here for longer. So there you have made friends over the course of time here. Better everyone's still here. Where I've moved around so much and like had different jobs and different states and different schools and different states. So I kind of have friendships scattered all over the place. But like I have a friend who, like to me, she's one of my very best friends, but we haven't spoken in person since I got married almost 16 years ago. And that was when she came to my wedding. She flew in and out the same day to be there for me. And before that, I hadn't seen her for at least 10 years. But she's like, that's my friend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But we don't see each other on a regular basis. We don't necessarily communicate on a regular basis. But last year when she got married, I knew about it. I knew who her husband was. Like, you know, same kind of thing. We share the big moments and we're there for each other if we need each other.
SPEAKER_01:That's great. Friend and social circles look very different for people. I think the biggest thing to remember is, like the quote said at the beginning, to keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
SPEAKER_00:And don't compare what you think your circ, your circle should look like to what other people's circles do look like. Your circle is your own.
SPEAKER_01:And if you don't like it, change it. You get to change it. Yes. That's the beautiful thing. I was listening to a lady the other day talk about how she can be in a group, a big group of people, and still feel so lonely and alone. And I thought that's very sad. I think we've all been there at some point.
SPEAKER_00:Where there's a sense of isolation.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. What do you think, Dub, is a good way to change that?
SPEAKER_00:I I'm gonna say it's get a little uncomfortable and be the friend. Make the smile or make the approach, start a conversation. I'm an introvert, that doesn't necessarily come naturally to me. And sometimes when I feel like I'm sitting by myself away from the crowd, I will deliberately move and start a conversation with somebody and integrate myself. And they're happy to have me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But I make the move.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's the key. If you're feeling alone, if you're feeling isolated in a crowd of people, to I think to stand there and wait for someone to come to you, you're missing the point of life. Yeah. It's to go to somebody else.
SPEAKER_00:Be the friend, put a handout, don't wait for, don't wait for the invitation. Yeah. Because people are busy, people are in their own lives, but people love people too. People love friendship. People love community. People love interaction. So they're open to it generally. Generally, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. So if you're feeling alone, reach out to somebody else. Reach out and see if you can find a new friend. And if somebody doesn't want to be your friend, it's okay. Maybe it's not the right time for them. Maybe they're going through something very difficult and they're not ready to invite somebody else into their life. You can still reach out to somebody else, though. And you can leave that person who didn't really want to be your friend at that time with a smile. Yep. And maybe help their life be a little bit better. So five points we want to leave you guys with that we've kind of talked about. The last one on here we haven't talked about, so we'll do that a little bit. Five points for true friendship. There has to be trust between you and the other person. If there's no trust, even if it's a little bit, there's there's not really a relationship there. And the equality, equality is point two. Equality means in a friendship means that it's not just one-sided. One person's not always doing all the talking and doesn't ever want to listen to you. That's not a reciprocal friendship.
SPEAKER_00:You're both invested in the relationship.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. The friendship. Yeah. The equal, equal say, equal time. Well, maybe not equal, but you both get to talk and you both get to listen.
SPEAKER_00:Equal treat to dinner.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. The next one I think is is compassion. You have to have compassion, understanding, and give grace in friendships. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:We all mess up a little bit. So compassion is good. I like that grace, grace in a friendship.
SPEAKER_00:That's the letting the chaff blow away.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's important. The next point, point number four, is honesty. You need to have honesty in your friendships, in your social relationships with people, online, in person. It's important to be honest. That helps with the first one, which was trust. I was gonna say that circles you right back to trust. They go hand in hand. They do. So just be honest. You don't have to be brutally honest. We talked earlier about kindness. Compassion. We talked earlier about leaving somebody better than when you found them. Sometimes you do point stuff out to a true friend to help them to see maybe where they could improve. And you can do that honestly with compassion. Nobody likes to be brutalized. No.
SPEAKER_00:And then point number five is independence.
SPEAKER_01:So the independence in a relationship means that you're not needy. You don't have to have that friend or you feel empty. When you come in contact with that friend, you're not the one just blowing your laying your dirty laundry on their doorstep and walking away. It's not codependent. Codependent. No, we don't want to be codependent. If you don't see that friend for five years and then you see each other, it's okay if you don't talk to them every day. You still have a good relationship and you can function without them.
SPEAKER_00:I literally have zero friends I talk to every day.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, me neither. But we know we're there for each other. Yeah. Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I want to just wrap up by saying we've attached to the show notes the Wheel of Life worksheet. If you haven't done that yet, that's what we're talking about today is the spoke of social/slash friends on that worksheet. So make sure you download that worksheet. And if you haven't, you don't understand it, you haven't gone through it, go back to episode one where we talk to you about it. And that's the whole premise of our show. Yes. What we're trying to do is improve the wheel of life and keep our lives rolling smoothly.
SPEAKER_01:So find two areas of your social or friend spoke relationships that you can improve upon and work on that. Just see what something simple that you can do to improve that spoke on your wheel.
SPEAKER_00:And maybe put your hand out, smile at a new person, or go sit next to someone new and help them have a friend. Awesome. Keep rolling smoothly. Yep. Have a great day. Thanks for listening to the D Times 2 podcast with Denise and Deborah. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. Be sure to subscribe and share it with someone who's ready to roll toward a more balanced life. Your support means the world to us. And just a quick note we're sharing our own experiences and ideas, not professional advice. Always do your own research and talk to a qualified professional before making big decisions. Until next time, keep your wheel rolling strong.