The Way You Seek Attention Shapes Your Relationships

We unpack what attention really looks like in daily life and why the way we seek it can either deepen connection or create stress and obligation. We name the toxic patterns that drain people, then give practical, doable swaps that make us feel warmer, safer, and easier to trust. 

• drama and conflict as fast but costly attention 
• chronic negativity and victim mentality that keep you stuck 
• crisis mode and self-sabotage that force rescues 
• pushing buttons for shock value instead of connection 
• intrusive neediness that smothers and drains 
• presence and basic human warmth through focused attention 
• sharing joy through rituals traditions and shared experiences 
• authenticity and creativity by dropping the mask 
• reliability by showing up keeping your word owning mistakes 
• support and encouragement that proves we are in your corner 

If you found anything helpful or useful in this episode, please share it, like it, follow us. Follow us on all the socials. Find us and communicate with us, message us, ask us questions, leave us feedback. Our website is www.dx2podcast.com

Transcript

Welcome And Wheel Of Life

Debra 0:04

Welcome to the D Times 2 podcast, hosted by Sisters Denise and Deborah. We are all about finding balance in the various parts of life. Using the Wheel of Life as our guide, we explore how to keep each spoke rolling smoothly. We discuss health and wellness, education and spirituality, as well as mental and emotional growth. Join us for real conversations, practical tips, and a few laughs as we share stories, insights, and strategies to help you create a life that feels balanced, purposeful, and designed by you.

A Couch Laugh That Landed

Debra 0:37

Good morning, Deborah. Good morning, Denise. Good to see you. You too. How have you been? Pretty good. Pretty good. Nothing too bad going on in my life. Nothing too bad. How about anything good? Yes, I've got good stuff going on. Good, good, good. How about you? I've been doing good. I I had a funny situation this weekend. Okay. You want to hear about it? Yes. Okay. My husband and I haven't had a ton of time together lately. He's been working six days a week. He works nights. I work days, so it's very limited. But on Saturday afternoon, we took some time to just chill together on the couch and watch a show that we enjoy watching together. And I, my back had flared up, so I didn't want to sit on the couch. So I was laying on the couch, my head kind of on his lap, and he put his hand down on my hip and I had my robe on. And he started like rubbing on the softness of my robe. And then he put his hand in my pocket and there was a cough drop in there. And he was like, Is that a cough drop in there?

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Are you just happy to see me?

Debra 1:46

And then he laughed and laughed and laughed. He cracked himself up so much. And because he was laughing so hard, I started laughing. And I was like, that was really weird. And he said, You know what? I laugh the most when I'm with you. Oh. I know. And I was like, but then he said, but that's the way it should be, right? And I said, yes, like the whole cycle of him laughing because we're spending time together. And he found like he made himself laugh, but then connecting it to that's important. And I should laugh the most with those that I'm closest with. I loved it so much. I know it's maybe a little too personal. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

But that's pretty funny.

Debra 2:31

He was laughing so hard. And then that made me laugh so hard. Yeah. We had to pause our show. Being control. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. So it just made me think about relationships and how we spend time together and how we should have joy and fun and playfulness with each other. I like that. That's that was pretty good. Yeah. Tom's pretty funny at cracking himself up. He does crack himself up a lot, but that was the most I've seen in quite a long time. Oh, yeah. Good times. Yeah. Good times. Thanks, Tom. Well, that kind of goes along with what we're talking about today.

Why Attention Shapes Relationships

Debra 3:12

We're talking about attention, not just getting it, but also how we get it, how we give it and get it. With other people. Yeah, with other people. With our family, with friends, with co-workers or schoolmates, or just different social circles. So that's what we're going to talk about today. And some are healthy ways and some are not healthy ways. I was going to say sometimes it's it can be toxic. Toxic attention. So we're going to talk about the toxic first. So we have five negative ways and five positive ways. And because we like to end on a positive note, we're going to start with the negative ones. And this isn't something you naturally actually want to do, but maybe something you are doing. Something to pay attention to. So part of our wheel of life philosophy is to re-evaluate your life regularly. So this is one way you can reevaluate your own life and how you are giving or seeking attention and maybe tweak it a little bit. And this one is specifically to do with the relationship spoke of the wheel. And if you don't have any idea what we're talking about when we say wheel of life, go back to episode four, which is the wheel of life episode where we walk you through it and there's a wheel of life download worksheet that you can do. But that's what we base each episode on is something within that wheel. Perfect. Thank you for that reminder, Deborah.

Toxic Attention Starts With Drama

unknown 4:45

Yeah.

Debra 4:45

So the first negative pattern we're going to talk about is drama and conflict. Drama Llama. That's what I say to the little kids. Drama Llama. So sometimes we are dramatic and bring drama into a relationship because we want attention. That generally brings negative attention when we add drama to a situation. Don't be dramatic. Don't be overreactive. Don't just make things bigger than they are to get attention. To get attention. Yeah. That actually makes me think of a book I read years and years and years ago. And it was, I think it was called The One Minute Parent or something like that. They were specifically talking about working with their children and reprimanding the children appropriately when it needed to be done. But that was happening so often that the kids picked up on it, even the little ones and one that was like four years old would do something very dramatic and explosive and then say, Rep me, man. Like to be reprimanded because she wanted the attention. Yeah. That's not good. We don't want that. No. In families, blow-ups and silent treatment create drama. Yes. In friendships, gossip creates drama. Like don't gossip. No. It reminds me of high school teenage girls causing drama in friend groups because they gossip about each other. In the workplace, it's public clashes or even gossiping in the workplace. Yeah. So those are not good. No, that's negative attention. Yeah. We don't want to get negative attention or give negative attention to those things. Yeah. Okay. That's number one. The next one, chronic negativity.

Victim Energy And Chronic Negativity

Debra 6:51

So chronic negativity is more the I'm always the victim energy. No one likes the victim, but some people really like to play the victim. I saw it once where someone had the giant sunglasses on and there was a V on both of the lenses because they were their victim glasses. And looking through life at life through the victim mentality keeps you stuck as the victim. At home, it can come across as no one appreciates me. Everything I do is pointless. I do all these things and no one even cares. I mean she got drawing in that negativity that was like, give me both. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I know I felt like that a time or two. I don't always vocalize it, but I felt like that a time or two. But with friends, it's more of a situation where you only reach out when you want to vent. So never reaching out for a good thing, it's just venting. And then at work, it can be something like shooting down other people's ideas without ever offering solutions. Negative Nelly at work. Yep. Nobody likes to work with somebody like that. We don't like the negative Nelly. No. And then sometimes it can escalate into like a full-blown crisis mode.

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Debra 8:23

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Crisis Mode And Self Sabotage

Debra 9:21

So number three is crisis and sabotage. Yes. I was just thinking about people I know that are negative all the time. Like it just is so draining. It's draining. Dreaming out. It's not really a very good way to get attention or to give attention, just to be negative. Okay, so sorry, we're on chaos and self-sabotage. Sabotage. This is when chaos becomes a way to make sure people notice you. Causing chaos. In a family, it looks like threats to other people. If you don't do this, you're gonna get grounded for a week. Yeah. You said that like you've heard it. Or said it. I've heard it. It wasn't ever said to me, but or if you don't get your homework done, I'm taking your phone away for a week, and that's just a threat. It's not gonna happen, right? It's just not gonna happen. Well, in most families. Or another thing, not besides threats, is repeated emergencies. I know in my house when my kids were younger, they had emergencies. Mom, I have a project due tomorrow. Mom, I forgot my homework, can you bring it? Mom, I've got a party this weekend and I need this, or whatever. That was that was the emergencies from the kids. If you couldn't tell. Constant emergencies, or sometimes that emergency just looks like one person just needing something right away that isn't actually an emergency. Yeah. Sometimes people make things an emergency that aren't to get attention. Or they procrastinate, and so then to them it does become an emergency, but it didn't need to be. Yeah.

unknown 11:10

Yeah.

Debra 11:11

It's just how they tend to operate. Yeah. So that's with families. With friends, if our behavior is chaos and self-destructive, it looks like behaviors that we do that force other people to rescue us. Oh, so you're counting on your friends to rescue you all the time. Yeah. That's not fun. Yeah, I've I've I've seen this. I've seen this. It's a little close to home for you. Well, it's just like, you know, you call your friend to see what's going on. Oh, my dryer went out, the plumber's not coming, the my car I have to take to the shop, and can you give me a ride to wherever? And I say, no, there's Uber now, you know. But it's always something. Yeah, when your when your friend makes your makes everything an emergency or need to be rescued behavior. Constantly, yeah. That's not very much fun. Yeah. But it for them, they feel like it's giving them attention and they need that attention for validation. It's just in a bad toxic way. So at work, it's quote unquote fire drills that are totally preventable. So last minute stuff, doing things wrong, depending on others to do something for you that you know you can do for yourself. Alan may know you can do for yourself, but then you ask them to do it. Like you pull you pull them into your need. Yeah. Yeah. Without it actually being a need. Those are some uh chaos self-destructive ways to get attention in your family at work or at with your friends.

Provoking Others For A Reaction

Debra 12:49

Yeah. Your social circle. Another way people get negative attention is by pushing buttons. We've never done that.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

No.

Debra 13:00

So it basically boils down to you're provoking or you're going for shock value. So here the goal is really a reaction, not a relationship. So at home, it can be things like cutting comments. You're just being mean to be mean. With friends, it can be edgy jokes, or you're oversharing, or I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at with you, but really you're laughing at their expense. And then at work, it can be crossing professional lines with controversial topics. So we don't want to do that. We want to keep things professional, we want to think, keep things friendly, and not just be controversial to be noticed. If you've been in meetings like that, people just want to play devil's advocate, just to play devil's advocate, and it's not really doing anything for the conversation or the solution to a problem. And it's not even something that they really believe. They're just doing it to have attention and to get a response. Yeah. That's not a healthy, healthy thing to do. So that's number four. Don't do that. Prov provoke, don't provoke and go for shock value. Yeah. And then there's a more subtle version of that where you just never give people space. And that leads us to number five. All right. Number five. On the toxic don't do list. Yeah. Don't do this. Don't be intrusive and don't be needy. I kind of think those guys are like vampires, right? Or suck in your energy vampires. They're absolutely our energy vampires. So this looks like people grabbing attention by never letting people breathe. I don't know. I've been in situations where at home or at work, not necessarily with my friends, but where you're working on something and You've got that needy person who just keeps bugging you and bugging you and bugging you. And it's not an emergency. It's not like they're dying. They can wait a minute, but they're putting their needs before anything you were doing when it's not really an emergency. I was in a situation like this, I'm going to say, years and years ago. And it was so tricky to me because it was someone I truly, truly cared about. And she was going through a really difficult

Intrusive Neediness And Energy Vampires

Debra 15:28

time in her life. And I was her one source of support. Okay, I'm going to say maybe two. I was maybe her second source of support. But every day, multiple times a day, it was I need, I need, I need, I need. And it came a point where for my health and my self-preservation, I almost had to cut her off completely because it was bleeding me dry. And I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to provide the support, but it was just too needy and too much. And I literally couldn't breathe. So that's what the first one is. What like families is smothering. Don't smother. Don't don't smother people. I don't know. I think if you're that needy, you gotta do something about it. Yeah. Go see a therapist if you need to, but it's not your friend's job or your or even your family's job to take care of all of your things. There is a fine line between having reciprocal relationship where you vent to each other, you support each other, you build each other up, you share your needs, and then like there's it can be reciprocal. This is just the energy vampire. Yeah. Yes, this is the needy, needy, needy. This is the one-way deal. Yes. Sometimes with friends, it's you're jealous. Sometimes we can be jealous of our friends get new friends. There's a lot more available out there. And they're not sitting by you at lunch anymore, you don't go out to lunch anymore, you don't text each other as much. And you can be jealous instead of be happy with be happy and secure in your friendship. Another negative one is having to need constant contact with somebody. Texting, calling all the time. That's where it becomes intrusive and needy. Yeah. Let's see, at work, it looks like interrupting people and expecting instant responses from everyone. If you email somebody or text somebody, you know, I am, whatever, how you communicate at work, and you expect an immediate response, no matter what that person is doing, that's not a good behavior. Drop what you're doing, I'm more important. Yeah. I think that's that's bad for any any relationship. Yeah. If it's an emergency, call. Right. Or go up to the post. Go walk walk. And have it be a true emergency. But not everything in there are very few emergencies in life. So that's five, right? That is five. Let's go to the head. I feel like we've been going. Let's talk about healthy patterns, uplifting things, ways that we can keep or get people's attention without draining them. So it's reciprocal and friendly. Never beat a dead horse. That saying has been around for a long time for a reason. People that are drinking energy drinks all day long just to stay functional, that's what they're doing. They are beating themselves up like they were a dead horse. We gotta stop doing that. The only energy drink that I recommend to my clients is update. It's clean energy without caffeine, so you don't have jitters and chaos and like the problems that caffeine causes in the body. And it also helps to give you focus and a clear mind. It's really the one I use and the one I recommend. To get a discount off of your order,

Turning Toward Healthier Patterns

Debra 19:06

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Sponsor Break

Debra 19:11

That's D times two. That's us. So drinkupdate.com and then the code for your discount is DX2. Let's do it. The first one presence and warmth. Human warmth, not fire warmth. Yeah. Basic human warmth. So I actually experienced this one just the other day. In families, it's putting down the phone or the computer and actually looking at each other. Sometimes it is a matter of respecting what the other person is doing. Like they might be right in the middle of something. So I've been known to say, when you're done with that, look at me and let's have a conversation. And that, like it's very clear what I'm asking for. I don't just start talking and expect them to stop.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

Yeah.

Debra 20:03

Because they could be doing something actually important. That does happen on the phone. Yes. That does have it's not always scrolling or mindless, whatever. Right. Okay. And then with friends, it's having real curiosity. I think that's super important. Be curious

Healthy Attention Through Warm Presence

Debra 20:20

about each other's lives. About what they're up to and what they like, what they've been doing. Yeah. Yep. And then at work, it's remembering that people are actually human. They're not just a job title or a role in the company. Like they're human. So let's treat each other with that basic human dignity. Warmth and presence. Presence can be felt. And distraction can also be felt.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Yeah.

Debra 20:50

We want that presence to be there. So once presence is there, the next layer is what we actually do together.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

Okay.

Debra 21:00

That takes us to number two on the positive side. Yeah. Sharing joy. Share the good things, not just the bad things. Uh-huh. Okay. So things we do together, it's about having shared fun and shared focus. Okay. So I like this one. I do too. And that's like what I was talking about with Tom. We were sharing a show we liked. We shared laughter together. And you have fun. And we had like, but it was quick. Yes. It wasn't something big and elaborate. So this can look like different things. I want to tie it back to what you were just talking about with presence and human warmth. Simon Sinek gave a presentation one time about cell phones and how if you go out with friends or to dinner with your family or something and you put the cell phone on the table. It's an immediate subconscious signal to the people that

Sharing Joy With Simple Rituals

Debra 21:58

you're worth that whatever happens. On that phone is going to take their attention away from you, and it's more important. Yep. Even having it in your hand when you talk to people is the same thing. So put it away. Yep. I put it away. It's a conscious choice and effort to do that. There are exceptions. Yeah. Like my husband's job, for his first job, he had to be available 24-7 for calls, for work calls. So we understood that as a family, but he wasn't like constantly checking it and being on his phone. But we understood that if a call came through, he needed to answer it. And we were all okay with that. But I think for everyone's That's the exception rather than the norm. Yes. So for everyday people, just put it away. If you're on a date, put put your phone away.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Don't wait for the next person to swipe left and say, I gotta go. Or write, I don't know which way to swipe either.

Debra 22:57

I don't know either. They just put it away. It's it's be with the person you're with. Yeah. If you're in a meeting, put your phone away. If you're at church, put your phone away. Just be where you are. Yeah. Anyways, okay. But that goes to this shared fun. At home. Shared fun looks like rituals and traditions. So daily rituals like having breakfast together, having dinner together, going doing outings together that you no do on a normal like regular basis. It's like when our kids were at home, we had breakfast together. And we had dinner together and they were expected to be there. And it gives a chance to catch up with each other and talk about what was going on in our lives, and it was a good time. Shared time. Yeah. Shared time together. And then traditions, traditions are important because they do draw you together. And people really look forward to them. They count on them. Yes, they do. Even if you do it once. Yep. There were some things I did with the kids that we just did once, and then the next year they're like, what's up? Waiting for the same thing to happen. And some more traditions got started because I did them once and then the kids liked them so much they expected them every year. Oh traditions are are fun and and they do bring you closer together. Joy, engagement, things we do together with friends that are positive inside jokes. Or movie quotes. Movie quotes. Yep. And adventures, like things that you do together. My friends and I one time we did this a painting party. Yeah. We chose a word and we got together at a gal's house and painted a word. And it wasn't really my thing. Like I really didn't want to do it. But we had so much fun there together. Yeah. So a shared experience. Shared experience. Yeah. And then at work, it's being engaged in the mis in the mission that you're working on in your in your work group or whatever, instead of just checking out. Yeah. Don't be disengaged. No. Or coasting along on the ha short tails of everyone else. Yeah. So those are good ways to get attention, keep attention. Along with feeling safe and engaged, people start to show more of who they really are. So this is where really authenticity and creativity come into play. So it looks like you can be yourself here. And we all like to know that we're safe just being who we truly are. Letting all our guards down and masks down. Yeah. So the that's the third way is authenticity and creative creativity. But what does that look like? In families, it's letting people express themselves, be who they are, not who you expect them to be. That can be hard. It can be hard, but we are all different. We all have different personalities. And like one person may be super outgoing and the other may be super introverted. How they show up is going to be completely different. And it's okay. It's okay. Honor who they are. I think that shows a genuine love and appreciation for somebody else. When they can be themselves and know that we will accept them, even though it's different than what we are. Variety is the spice of life. We don't all want to be the same. Boring. Bland. Yeah. So with friends, what does it look like? It looks like actually dropping the mask, dropping the facade and being who you really are. And to

Authenticity Without The Mask

Debra 26:45

me, I mean, we've talked about this a few times. I keep my circle pretty small. But with my true friends, I can do that. I feel like I can just be me. There's a lot of people who are more acquaintances, and I feel like I have to keep a little bit of facade. Not that it's fake, but just a little bit of I can't let it all down. Almost like some padding. Yeah. It might be a me thing. I don't know. But you've got to feel safe and accepted and loved. And then you can truly authentically be yourself and let that mask drop. We all have a public mask, right? Yes. We smile and wave in the grocery store. Yeah, because who wants to lay all their things? Yeah, it's not the place. It's not the time. It's not the you just can't do that with everybody. That goes back to the oversharing. Right? That's the negative. The intrusive stuff. Yep. I like that though. Your circle of friends, your tight circle, let your mask down and you can be open. And that's hopefully that's true for all of you in the circle. With the next layer of circle. It's a little bit different, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. And it's it's okay. It's appropriate. So at work or at school, it looks like bringing ideas and inf improvements instead of just doing the bare minimum. Because again, we're talking about authenticity and creativity. You're bringing something to the table. Can contribution. All of that falls apart completely if people can't rely on you. Oh, yes. If people can't rely on you, things do kind of fall apart. Yep. Okay, so let's talk about that. We're talking about how to get and give attention. And when people can trust you, then they give you better positive attention. When you can trust others, you give them better positive attention. Completely. Yeah. How does that show in a family? You show up. What? You show up? You be there for people? Yes, you be there for people. No matter what that looks like. Say they're in a sport, you go support them at the sport. I've spent many an hour an hour on bleachers waiting for a child to perform for three minutes. But you're there. You're supporting and you love them. It all I totally tried to do that this past week. I was ready to go to this basketball game. I looked at the schedule and

Reliability That Earns Trust

Debra 29:17

it was their week off. Oh no. I was like, dang it! I was totally ready to be there for you. She was gonna keep her word. I was, which is the friends one. So it looks for friends, it looks like keeping your word. Okay. Yeah. Good job. Good job. I want to go back to family for just a minute. Well, they I guess this works for friends too. To show up, to show up when people truly need you, to show up with a plate of brownies or a text or something like that, just showing up in people's lives. They can trust that you're gonna be there for them and that you're a true friend. So one way too is like a hug. There have been times where I have seen a person and I can say, I see it. Can I just give you a hug? And I'll give them a true hug and they will say, That is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much. I don't, they didn't necessarily share the whole situation that they're in, but I could see it and then gave them something that would be supportive to them. For work, you want to show that people can trust you. Meet deadlines and own your mistakes. If you do something wrong, it's okay. We're all human, we all make mistakes. Take accountability. Don't shuffle it off on someone else. No, because then people can't trust you. Right. Those are good. Meet your dang deadlines and own your mistakes. And be and be gracious when other people make mistakes. Yep. Don't because again, we're all human, we all make mistakes. Every single thing. And it's okay if you do it, it's also okay if someone else does it. Just course correct. Yeah. Let's talk about the immune system. One of the best defenders we know comes from Optimal Health Systems, and it's called defense. So it supplies your body with researched back ingredients to shown to support your immune system and fight off illness. It also boosts the immune system, providing a potent dose of antibodies for a quick recovery and reduces the risk of viral infection. One of the things I love is that it increases the white blood cell count in your body almost immediately while filling your gut with healthy bacteria. This is one of those things I recommend to my clients to always have on hand. You can take it continuously through, quote, cold and flu season or when you're under a lot of stress, or just pop it in here and there if you feel like you're starting to come down with something. Take it for a day or two, maybe three, and then put it on pause. But it ultimately restores

Sponsor Break

Debra 31:59

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unknown 32:52

Yep.

Debra 32:53

We want to lift. We do. So at home, it just looks like encouragement. Good job, well done. I did this with you today. You told me about something you were doing, and I was like, I'm so proud of you, but I truly am so proud of you. So give encouragement, give support. Yep. From all different angles in our families, we don't need to be the one putting people down. Support is huge. Yep.

Support And Credit That Lift Others

Debra 33:20

Genuine support. And then with friends, it's that support encouragement by showing up in their hard seasons. You're there for them for the good, be there for them for the hard. Sometimes it's from afar, sometimes it's from near, but support. I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty private person. I'm private. Yes. I don't share a lot of bad stuff that's going on in my life. No, you do hold things pretty close to the best. And sometimes it gets out in one way or another. And when friends show up to truly love you and support you, it really does make you feel better. Like you're not alone. To feel alone is one of the worst places to be. Yeah. And so when you have friends who can come to you and support and love you, it really, really does make a big difference. It does. Buoy each other up. As you're saying that, it just made me think of a time in my life where I did feel alone. I was going through a very hard time. And I kept it super close. I didn't tell hardly anyone. And then I put on my victim glasses and I was like, no one even cares to check on me. And then I was like, why would they even think they should? I have to let them in. And then I did. And then they showed up. They supported. They helped. And you felt better? I didn't feel alone. But it was more because I was isolating and not trying to be a burden to anybody. But we need to like we're here for each other. We all have times where we can support, but we also have the flip side where there's times where we need the support. So it does go both ways. It does. With um work, support and encouragement looks like giving credit where credit is due and supporting people instead of stepping on them. Oh yeah. We don't like those who step on and so and climb on the backs of others. Support. Support, support. Encourage. Give people credit. Like we like that when people do it to us. Yeah. Give credit to other people for the things they've done well. It will actually make the business environment better. Everyone is better. Everyone all votes rise together. Yes. Yes. Giving credit to somebody else doesn't diminish you at all in any way, shape, or form. It actually helps you rise as well. Yeah. It shows humility. I think it's so like you just feel better when you give appreciation and credit and accolades, however you want to say it. Like find the good in people and point that out. At home, with your friends, at work, at school, wherever you may be. Those are the patterns that make us magnetic in a good way. Like we started talking about at the beginning, we also have that negative side. We want to stay away from the negative calls for attention patterns of getting attention. Yeah. Pick a positive pattern that you want to turn the dial up on this week. Presence, shared joy, authenticity, reliability, or supporting others. Focus on one of those. Pick one. Pick one. And then pick an area of your life that you want to implement it in. I would suggest starting at home when your home life is better. Everything else tends to look better. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my advice. You can pick whatever, I don't know, maybe your family is good and you have a really toxic work or school environment. But pick one of the patterns and pick one area to work on. And then also pick a negative pattern that you might recognize in yourself, whether it's drama or chronic negativity or constantly being in crisis or you're pushing buttons and provoking other people. And experiment with turning

Dial Up One Pattern This Week

Debra 37:37

it down, even if it's just a little. Like dial it back. That'd be a good experiment. Yeah, I think it's a great experiment. And then if you ask someone you trust for some feedback. This is a this is a sticky one. This is one I should do, but I don't. Ask someone you trust this question. When people pay attention to me, what do you think it's usually because of? Warmth and respect or stress and obligation. So what do people think of when they think of you? I'm just gonna say, like, I'm not like as you said that it made me think of someone else who I think is one of the very best examples I've ever seen. And I met him when he was on my on dad's softball team way back when. Way, way back. And he would not participate in gossip, period. If people started talking about anything in a negative way about anyone, he literally would walk away.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Wow.

Debra 38:49

And that was a soup, like this is decades later, and I'm still think about how he responded in those situations. I do think there could have maybe been an effort to turn the tide and shift the focus and stop the gossip, but he disengaged and would not participate. That takes a lot of strength. It does. So what do people think of when they think of you? Warmth and respect or drama llama? That goes back to the wheel of life. So living life on purpose, designing your life how you want it to look. Do you want to be one of the negative Nellies, Debbie Downers? These are all girl names.

unknown 39:29

How?

Debra 39:32

Or drama llamas. Or do you want to be this up, beat, happy, good person to be around, someone that people can trust, someone that's going to follow through, someone someone that has inside jokes with people. Yeah. Do you want to be that person? So evaluate. And it's not evaluate to see how bad you are. That's that's not the point. The point is to evaluate and see where you can improve. Pick one thing in one area and improve. And you will be surprised at how fast your life can turn around and your life can just roll smoother and smoother. That's what we're after. We want a smooth ride. So if you found anything helpful or useful in this episode, please share it, like it, follow us. Follow us on all the socials. We give messages all week long on our episode that we're doing. We're not on the X one, but we're on all the other ones. Yes. So find us and communicate with us, message us, ask us questions, leave us feedback. We like to we like to engage there. At the bottom of every description of our podcasts are resources for you. We have free downloads, we have coupon codes for products we love. Yeah, take advantage of those resources that we have for you. And then until next time, oh no, there's one resource that's not always there I want to make sure people know about is our website, dtimes2podcast.com. On there, we also have some of those resources and downloads and everything. So that's kind of a good landing page where if you forget

Closing Resources And Listener Invitation

Debra 41:07

about the show notes, go to our website. Yeah, d times2 dx2podcast.com. Now, until next time. Keep your roll wheel rolling smoothly. See ya. Bye. Thanks for listening to the D Times2 podcast with Denise and Deborah. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. Be sure to subscribe and share it with someone who's ready to roll toward a more balanced life. Your support means the world to us. And just a quick note we're sharing our own experiences and ideas, not professional advice. Always do your own research and talk to a qualified expert before making big decisions. Until next time, keep your wheel rolling strong.