The Dx2 Podcast
Two sisters discuss what they are learning about having a balanced wheel of life that rolls along as smoothly as possible.
The Dx2 Podcast
Sibling Love Rules
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We talk about what makes sibling love last and how we stay close through moves, growing up, and changing seasons of life. We share the unspoken rules we try to live by, plus the kind of support that matters most when grief and real life hit.
• why sibling relationships are relationships you can’t quit
• how our parents taught us to be friends as a family
• accepting personality differences and dropping expectations
• resolving conflict instead of letting it linger for years
• small connection habits like responding and not ghosting
• how loss and hard seasons can pull siblings together
• what we would say to someone grieving a sibling
• remembering inside jokes and being intentional with family
If you found anything helpful, useful, encouraging, uplifting with this episode, please share it with somebody. Somebody else probably needs it. And let us know in the comments if you liked it or not. Or if you have questions. What your takeaway was, or what your favorite memory is with your sister or your brother, whatever sibling is your bestie.
Welcome And The Wheel Of Life
DebraWelcome to the D Times 2 podcast, hosted by Sisters Denise and Deborah. We are all about finding balance in the various parts of life. Using the Wheel of Life as our guide, we explore how to keep each spoke rolling smoothly. We discuss health and wellness, education and spirituality, as well as mental and emotional growth. Join us for real conversations, practical tips, and a few laughs as we share stories, insights, and strategies to help you create a life that feels balanced, purposeful, and designed by you.
Cold Morning Banter
DebraGood morning, Deb. Good morning, Denise. It's good to see you. You too. The sun is shining, but it's freezing outside. It's cold. I did take a walk and I wore no sleeves and I was warm enough because I was hustling. Yeah. You would have to hustle to be warm today, yeah. And you're dressed for later today, and I'm dressed for right now. So we look like we live in two different places. Yes, we do. But that's okay. My feet are bare and cold, and hers are covered up with slippers and socks.
SPEAKER_01Yes. The difference between the two of us.
DebraYep.
The Rainy Peach Tree Project
DebraDo you have a story to share with us today? I do. I have it, I'm going to say more of an experience. So we have in our yard, Tom and I, several fruit trees. And we, when we moved in, we had two peach trees. And over the last, I'm going to say two years, the more mature of the peach trees had been dying. So like one of the branches died and stopped producing. And then another branch died. So earlier this year, we just cut it down. But we needed to replace it because peach trees like to grow in pears. And we wanted our other one to keep doing well. So we went and found one. Actually, not we. I went and found one and brought it home because I knew if we had it, Tom would help me get it planted. Okay. And it would move up in the timeline. And we needed to get it in the ground because of just where the seasons are. So we had this one specific day that we were both going to be available and could do it. And I had actually been trying to get the company that mows our lawn. They also do that kind of thing. I've been trying to see if they would do it. Left so many messages, kept being told they'd call me back, never heard back from them. Oh, dang. So I we were like, we're just gonna do it ourselves. As our nephew Sam says, I do it myself. But that meant that Tom wanted to go rent some equipment, tractor, digger. He would have gotten a full-sized excavator if he could, but we couldn't have gotten it into the backyard. So we got like the smallest excavator they had where we could skinny it through our back fence. And the problem was is that like we didn't get any rain or snow, really much weather all winter long, all spring long. Yeah. That day it was pouring rain. Oh, all day. You just pouring. I didn't choose it. It was the one day we had, and the equipment was available. So we went and picked up the excavator in the rain and got it to the house. And Tom is just bundled up in all of his frog togs. So his wetsuit he wears when he rides his motorcycle in the rain. And he's messing around trying to figure out all the gears. And I'm wearing my raincoat and his raincoat. Oh, too. Just because I didn't want any rain getting on my glasses because I hate when they get wet. And I was wearing my glasses that day. So anyway, it was it was just comical to watch. But it tore up our grass because it was so wet, it like just the ground was soggy. It made the hole a little bit easier to dig. We found a sweet, sweet surprise mid-dig. There was a sprinkler line running directly under the root ball of the former tree. Oh no. And we, for the life of us, couldn't figure out why. Why would you put a sprinkler line right under the tree where the branches are gonna grow or the roots are gonna grow and not the branches, the roots, and just mess up the whole thing. You're lucky the sprinkler line didn't get punctured. I know. So when we found it, we immediately went into what have we done? How are we gonna fix this? And long story short, it was it was like the tail end of the whole sprinkler line, and they had left about 20 feet of tube and then capped it off. So it wasn't functional, it just was there. So we cut it off and shortened it so that it's not under the tree, and problem of like crisis averted because we really thought we screwed everything up and we're gonna have to get our whole sprinkler system redone. Yeah. Dug a giant hole, planted the tree, and then shoveled mud into it because it was all muddy. It's heavy. And it was hilarious because I have an eye for detail. And Tom just wants to get the job done. So the just the difference between both of us and how we worked, because like when we started, he had scraped off the top layer of grass and dumped it. But then when we were replacing the grass, he was just chucking it on there as though it was part of the mud. And I'm like turning it over, putting the grass face up so that it will re-root and grow and be grass on the ground. Oh, it was funny. And then we staked it, obviously. And you know, you put the stakes a couple of feet out, and to Tom, a couple is four. So we have these giant stakes way out from this tiny tree that already has three peaches on it. Thank you very much. Look at you. Yeah. So our tree is starting to produce, and our grass I will come back, the tractor marks will go away. And it was actually pretty fun and funny to do that project with Tom.
SPEAKER_01Well, good job.
DebraYeah.
SPEAKER_01He came out alive.
DebraAnd both of us smiling. That's good. And not fighting at all. That's good.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, your peach trees are quite the tail. We've talked about them before.
DebraI know, because last year it was the other one that was the overproducer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Awesome.
DebraLearned the lessons of the peach trees.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraBy Tom and Deb. A parable for all things. No kidding. No
Why Sibling Love Matters
Debrakidding. So let's get into the meat of today.
SPEAKER_01Alrighty. We are going to be talking about sister love or sibling.
DebraSibling love. Yeah, sibling love. Or sisters. So we're going to take from a sister point of view and also just siblings. Because we have lots of them. And keeping in mind that it really is like sibling relationships are relationships that you just can't quit. Or shouldn't quit. And shouldn't quit and shouldn't want to quit. Yeah. But we thought we would do this now, partly because we are a sister-led podcast. It's less us two sisters sharing our lives and what we've learned. But there's a whole history between it or behind it. Sorry, my brain is still a little muddled from all of the funeral everything. So sometimes I mix up my words. That's okay. We'll forgive you. Catch me if I do. Alrighty. Sometimes I catch myself. So we have spent some time recently with, I'm going to say just a majority of our siblings. There are eight of us total, four boys, four girls. And one of our sisters passed away many, many years ago. Decades ago. Yes. Early 80s. She was the youngest sister. So there are seven of us on earth. And our older sister did not come to the funeral services. So it was six of us, me and Denise.
SPEAKER_01Two girls we represented.
DebraWe represented hard. And then four boys. Yeah. So all four brothers were here. They're all younger than you. Can I tell you something funny? Huh? So I have a new granddaughter. She just turned 16. She's coming from the foster system. That's why she's new and that old. Okay. Almost done with all of the adoption process. But I was talking to her and my other granddaughter, Aubrey, who's 10, and they had just seen us all together and they were talking about how tall all of our brothers are. They are. And I said, can you believe they're all younger than me? And they both said, they are not. They look so old. And I was like, yes, they do. Oh my gosh. So my baby face is still doing me good all these years later. I hated it when I was a teenager when everyone thought Adam and Aaron were older than me, but apparently people still think they're older than me.
SPEAKER_01Oh coming from a 16-year-old and a 10-year-old. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah.
DebraWell, I sit between all of them. I have two older and two younger. So brothers. Brothers. Yes.
SPEAKER_01It was kind of fun to see them all. And it's fun to watch as you grow get older. I know this is quite a taking a turn from our conversation, but as you get older, it's so fun to watch your siblings interact with each other. And as my children get older, it's fun to watch them interact with each other. And just the dynamic that they've come to as adults. It's kind of fun.
DebraYeah, it is. So one thing I noticed, because we had a big, like a hamburger hot dog grill out one night. And Adam, who is the oldest boy, was walking around doing things. And Aaron, who was the one that comes after him, was kind of his shadow. He was just like off to the side behind him, participating in everything. And I thought that is exactly how it's always been. That's funny. As well as there are different interactions as adults.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraAnd watching them be parents and be grandparents. That's a fun thing to watch.
SPEAKER_01Hey Deb, you're a couple years older than me. Uh-huh. And I've noticed you don't have any gray hairs like I do. Do
Hair Color Talk And Polar Hair Care
SPEAKER_01you do anything to color your hair?
DebraI do. What do you do? So I'm gonna just tell you in the past, I did a lot of different things. I tried the duck the drugstore stuff, I did the expensive stuff, the cheap ones, all of it. And now what do you do? I use polar, polar hair care. And I won't go back. Why? What made you switch to polar hair care? So I had dry breaking, like it just was not healthy. And I really was about to chop it all off because it just felt bad. It just didn't, it wasn't healthy. Yeah. Yeah. And I saw something about polar hair care and how it nourishes your hair. So I tried it. The shrine came back and the breakage stopped. And you love it so much? I love it so much. It's really one of the only ones I've ever re-purchased. That says something. Because you're picky about your hair. I'm picky and I'm sensitive. And it does the trick. Nice. Yeah. And we have a code for people? We do. We'll just link it in the show notes. Perfect. Yeah. So start with the one product. They have a few, but give it a try. See how you like it. I might have to try it. I've never colored all of my hair before. So I might have to try it. It's fine. Give it a try. I think so.
Unspoken Rules For Healthy Siblings
DebraIn some sibling situations, some siblings have a really hard time getting along with each other. Yes. Due to varying personality differences. Yes. And beliefs about how relationships should go in a family. I'm gonna say for whatever reason, like I've I've heard people say often, sisters fight. And I always thought, no, they don't. Because you and I never really have fought. We've disagreed a couple of times, but it's never like a fight. Right. I will say when I was younger, our older sister pushed me off the piano bench one time because she thought it needed to be her turn to practice instead of mine. That was like the closest thing to a fight we had. She fought over piano. Who gets to practice? Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. I I think in our family we've never had we've had very few, I would say, fight fights. Very, very few.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. One thing our parents tried to instill on in us is that our our family will be around way longer than any friend. And so we better be friends. Yeah. And I think we've done a pretty good job doing that.
DebraI think we've done great. In fact, Tom and I were talking about friends the other day. And he expressed that he feels like a lot of his friendships have been, I'm gonna say, transactional. He didn't say that word, but he said, it just seems like they always needed me for something or wanted my help with something. They weren't actually friends. And I pointed out a couple that he's had that have been pretty good friends where they have common interests. So they're really friends because of their common interests. And then I said, I personally don't have a lot of people that I consider to be truly close friends. I have a few, but my siblings are my closest friends.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraAnd we kind of did that on purpose. We we did. We were kind of trained that way. Not brainwashed, not brainwashed at all. We were trained. Trained. Yes. Trained.
SPEAKER_01Because you get to make your own choices. Yeah. Yeah. I I think that you there are some friends that just enjoy being around each other.
DebraAnd to me, that's that really is a true friendship. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You don't necessarily have common tr interests. You just enjoy each other's company. Yeah. And I think that's kind of the same with well, that's not the same with I was gonna say that's the same with you and I, but we have a lot of the same interests.
DebraSo we have different interests.
SPEAKER_01We like to have speech. We like to go hiking, we like to talk about health stuff, we like to read good books, we like good music.
DebraLike we have a lot of the same. We're pretty chill. Yeah. In general. Yeah. We get feisty when we need to. Yeah. Anyways, I I think that you know, like you said, sisters fight. Some people say that. Well, you don't have to. You can just try to get along and be okay with each other's differences and just love each other. I that's the I think it's loving each other and then also trying to have an understanding for one another because we all do have different, very different personalities.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
DebraAnd that's good. That's appropriate. We should. Heaven forbid we are all the same. That would be so boring. Boring. Yeah. So just having an understanding and appreciation and ultimately an acceptance. That that's the way the person is. Yeah. Yeah. I love you for who you are. And you work within the bounds of who the person is, not your expectation of them. Expectations get us in trouble. They do. And I have expectations for people, but I have to realize those are mine. I can't project them on other people. Yep. That's true. I can maybe help them rise to them. On the slide. But I can't project them. I have to take them for who they are. Whether it's a sibling or it's a friend. True. Yeah. No matter anybody, right? We just work with the person where they are to the best of our ability. Yeah. I do think there are some unspoken rules of sisterhood and siblinghood. Okay. What kind of unspoken rules are you in thy mind? So one is to resolve things. If there is something you disagree about, whether it's a straight-out fight or it's more like us where it's a discussion, resolve it. Come to a mutual understanding. Don't just leave it lingering and then be like I know some people who haven't spoken to one of their siblings for decades because they had a disagreement. I can't imagine that. That's kind of crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, resolve, resolve things. Like do your best to get along. Just like with any relationship outside your family, you try to resolve things. I mean, if you have a disagreement with a friend, you do try generally try to resolve that so that's there's not awkwardness.
DebraYou don't just close the door and abandon or ghost.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraSo you try to work with people's personalities and it can be uncomfortable. Yeah. But talking out, man. Use all the words. Nice words. Oh yeah, good point. I was just saying there's a lot of words to use in a discussion. Like have a full conversation and dialogue if you need to, but come to a resolution. And then other things like oh, there's a saying, what do the kids say these days? They left me on red. So don't leave me on red. Give me a thumbs up, like respond to the text or answer the call or don't ghost us. Yeah. If I text you, you at least acknowledge. Give me an emoji. Yes. I love emojis. I do too. I do too.
SPEAKER_01Simple. Anyways, that yeah. Just don't resolve. No, don't. Do. Do resolve your differences and any quarrels and things and just clear it up so that when you all get together, it's all fun for everybody.
DebraLike it is with our perfect family. We're not perfect by any means, but it's so fun when we get together. We have such a good time. It's loud and it's fun and there are tons of kids and we always have a good time. People are messing with each other and teasing each other and joking with each other and being serious with each other. All of it. Calling each other out with love. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that's unspoken rules of sibling life.
DebraYeah, you can think of it like married life, because there's the the adage of never go to bed angry. So it's a sibling, you might go to bed angry. I don't know. But get over it at some point. Yeah. Don't leave it linger. Mend it up. Yeah. So sometimes in different periods of our lives, we need each other more as siblings. Yes. We just experienced one of those with the passing of our dad. We all came together and really supported each other, put our arms around each other. Literally put our arms around each other multiple times. And we laughed. We're remembering dad's funny things. We had some good laughs. We were standing at the graveside telling funny stories. Remember when dad did this? And we could all laugh about it and reminisce and just enjoy that bonded experience that we have together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
Grief, Funerals, And Showing Up
SPEAKER_01So sometimes we need each other more.
DebraSometimes we're having a tough time with one of our kids. We need each other more. Yeah. Or one of our brothers went through a divorce and he needed support. So we were there for him. Yeah. Still there. Still there for him. Yeah, but there are times when we need each other. So I needed you. I needed you recently. And I may get emotional as I talk about this. Yes, I'm going to talk about dad's services again. Um, so I had to speak at his funeral. I didn't have to. I volunteered to. I wasn't going to. And then I felt very, very strongly that there were some things I need to say. And our brothers were also speaking. And one of the brothers, Aaron, he said, I don't think I can stand up there alone. And Alma said, I'll stand up with you, bro. And then all of the boys decided they were going to stand up there together and give their talks together. And I said, What about Deb? I'm going to have to do my thing all by myself without any of that support. But ultimately, I had a conversation with the niece and I said, It's been really like I have prepared my remarks and we recorded those in our previous episode that we released, the tribute to our dad. So you guys can hear it. But I had been, I had written it and was practicing it, my talk, my remarks, because at that point I could not get through it without violently sobbing. So I talked to, sorry, I talked to Denise and said, if I get up there in front of everyone, which by the way, it was a packed house. There were a lot of people. And I need you. Can I signal you and you come stand with me? And she said, of course. So I got up there and I was emotional. And I said, Don't worry, I'll pull it together. And I tried to pull it together, and I had given her the no head shake. And then I looked over, looked over at her and I just gave her a slight yes nod. And she hopped up out of her seat, came up to the stand and held my hand the whole time. You are the reason.
SPEAKER_00I was able to do that. And it was so important to me. And I know that those things needed to be said, and I wanted to do dad justice. So I needed you, and you supported me. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Now you talk so I can compose myself.
SPEAKER_01Isn't that what we're aiming for as families? I mean, that should be what we're aiming for, to be able to support each other and help each other when we need it. And even if we don't need it, just to know that somebody is there.
DebraYeah, I got your back. Yep. I'm there for you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So different seasons require different help. And we can do that for each other. You kind of have a built-in support system with a family or you should.
DebraYou should.
SPEAKER_01You should.
DebraThat's the ideal. Not every family is like that, but you should be able to do that. Hey Denise, what what were you drinking before update?
SPEAKER_01Oh, every once in a while my husband would give me a couple sips of his energy drinks.
DebraHe drinks them a lot, so I would have lots of different sips. And sometimes I would have a crystal light energy drink. Oh. I would never did it work though.
SPEAKER_01It gave me enough. Sometimes I would feel sick to my stomach, but I would have the energy that I needed. So would you crash? Generally, yes, I would crash. Run three, maybe four. And then it's too late to have more caffeine. Yeah.
DebraYeah, got to sleep. So I'm gonna say same. I had a little bit of some energy drinks here and there, but I never wanted to have much because they are toxic poison, and I don't like to do that
Clean Energy With Update
Debrato my body. And then I switched to update, and it was all different. It worked for me, and it's not toxic poison.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's not. Can I tell you I had a pineapple update? Sure. I've had actually two of them because I liked it so much.
DebraThat's one of their new flavors. It's so good. Yeah. And I didn't feel any crash or anything. I didn't feel crazy busy or anything, like I was gonna jump out of my seat. It was it was nice, it was a nice energy lift, and then I kind of coasted. So yeah, it's clean energy with no crash, no jitters. Yeah, it was jitters. Jitters, and it gives you focus. Yeah, it does. I always keep a couple cases in my storage room. Couple cases. Couple cases. Well, because I started sharing with Tom and he has at least one every single day. Well, there you go. Good clean energy. Yep. And he's a trucker, so you need to not crash. He needs to not crash, and that's what he has been drinking. Yes. He likes the grape and the peach. And he doesn't even normally like peach. Yeah, they're good, good, clean energy drinks. Yeah. So, same thing. We have a link in our show notes. Try it, you'll feel it, you'll like it. Hey Denise. Yes. Was there a time that you realized that our sisterhood friendship had outlasted like other friendships and moves and jobs? Yes. I'll say that happened when I was a teenager. So never is older than me. I just like to keep in mind. Four years older.
SPEAKER_01And she went away to college and was there for a couple of years, and then she decided to serve a mission for our church. So that meant she was gonna be gone for 18 months. Yeah. And it was really hard for me to have her gone, actually. We're not supposed to be crying. I didn't know that. Yeah. And she would write me letters and it just lifted my day. And I realized that she was my friend forever.
DebraOh, Denise, I didn't know that. I am your friend forever. It's so interesting to me because there
When Sisterhood Proved It Lasts
Debrahave been times in our lives where we have lived very close to each other, like throughout different periods of our lives. We lived together when you first I'm gonna say went to college, but you ended up not going to school. You got a job, and I was freshly home from my mission. And we were roommates. Yep. And then you got married and left me.
unknownWell, you moved home.
DebraOh, okay. I left you. And then we were back in the same town again, and then we were far apart again.
SPEAKER_01You lived with us for a little while after we were married. And you watched my kids while I went and had another baby. I did.
DebraWe were just were so intertwined. And when you lived, you lived in California for a lot of years. I would come out there on a regular basis to visit. Yep. Yes. It was important to me to maintain that relationship with you, but also with your kids. Yeah, because they're part of you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraSo moves, other friends, but always were sister friends. Yes, sister friends forever. Yeah. Yeah. So we have it it started when we lived at home.
SPEAKER_01And we shared a room. And Deborah taught me how to keep my mouth closed when I brushed my teeth. Toothpaste didn't spray all over the mirror.
SPEAKER_00She taught me good life skills. The things we dou out of love and laziness.
SPEAKER_01I don't want to have to clean it. Yep. So from then till today, when we live about 20 minutes apart, see each other regularly.
DebraYeah. For now. For now. You never know what will come, but true. Yeah. For now, I do.
SPEAKER_01But our it's just it's proof that our sisterhood has lasted through years and friends and miles and moves. And it's a it's a good bond.
DebraDo you want to know when I realized it? So I'm gonna say I realized that my siblings were my best friends, and some I'm better friends with than others. I'm gonna say I was still in grade school because we moved a lot. A lot. And I changed schools a lot. And I would leave my school friends and really never think about them again. And no, I had built-in friends in the next town because my siblings were moving with me. I think that's really when I started deliberately being friends with you guys, with you guys, with all of you, but some that some more so than others, just naturally. But if you knew somebody who lost their sister that they were close to, what would you say to them to help them? So I feel like this is a catch-22 because we have lost a sister.
SPEAKER_01We have.
DebraWe do still have there's more, there's more in the lineup, but for some people it's their only sibling. And I do know people who have lost their only sister or their only brother or a sister or a brother. And what I would say is they are still with you, they are still looking over you, they are still cheering you on, and you can still talk to them. And sometimes you will feel their presence or see a sign of them in your life because they are there. True. What would you say? That's true. Probably along the same lines. You can still talk to them, they still care about you, and you still care about them. Like it's not
Coping With Losing A Sibling
Debraover just because you can't see them. Those memories are there forever. Forever.
SPEAKER_01They're in your heart and in your mind, and you'll see something that will just remind you of them, and hopefully you will laugh or hear something.
DebraOur little sister that died, her name was Danielle. And I had a baby on an anniversary, like a day after an anniversary of Danielle's passing. Yes. And I we named her middle name Danielle on purpose because she was born about the same time our sister died. And she's from what I remember, now listen, our sister was 16 months old when she passed away. Yeah, but she left an impression.
SPEAKER_01She did.
DebraShe loved to dance.
SPEAKER_01She loved to dance. Yeah. And she was smiling and happy. She was just this happy little sunshine. Blonde curls. Yeah.
DebraAnd the daughter that I that we gave her middle name to is that way. She's a just happy. She's a joy. Yeah. Yeah. So I am reminded of her. When I see you, my daughter. Your daughter. I still remember. That's lovely. Yeah. That's lovely. But they're what they're still there. They're still with you. And it is possible to be with them again. Yeah. That's a beautiful thing about family. Yeah. It's eternal. That's all I've got. Anything else on your mind? No. Love your siblings. Get along with them the best you can. Make them your best friends. Forgive. Talk it out. Get on with it. And remember the good times. Because there can be so many good times.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraAnd some of those inside jokes, your siblings are the only ones who will ever get them. True. Yep. True. So enjoy it. Yeah. Be intentional. Like the wheel of life we talked about. Be intentional with your siblings. Yeah. Okay. If you found anything helpful, useful, encouraging, uplifting with this episode, please share it with somebody.
SPEAKER_01Somebody else probably needs it. And let us know in the comments if you liked it or not. Or if you have questions.
DebraWhat your takeaway was, or what your favorite memory is with your sister or your brother, whatever sibling is your bestie.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
DebraAnd until next time, keep your wheel rolling smooth. Bye. Thanks for listening to the D-Times 2 podcast with Denise and Deborah. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. Be sure to subscribe and share it with someone who's ready to roll toward a more balanced life. Your support means the world to us. And just a quick note we're sharing our own experiences and ideas, not professional advice. Always do your own research and talk to a qualified expert before making big decisions. Until next time, keep your wheel rolling strong.