How to keep relationships feeling new

In this episode of The Fuck It Shift, Adam Ross breaks down what it actually takes to keep relationships feeling new — whether it’s with a partner, a business partner, a team, or your kids.

Adam uses the idea of “keeping food on the table” as a way to explain how relationships stay alive. In romantic relationships, that food can be intimacy, connection, conversation, touch, and the small moments that make people feel wanted and chosen.

But the same idea applies everywhere.

In business, the food is trust, honesty, transparency, and knowing your partner has your back. In leadership, it’s encouragement, consistency, and genuinely caring about the growth of the people around you. As an employee, it’s bringing the things that can’t be coached — effort, energy, initiative, punctuality, and actually giving a shit.

Adam also talks about parenting, and why time is often the most important food you can put on the table for your kids.

This episode is a reminder that relationships don’t stay strong by accident. They stay strong when everyone involved keeps feeding them.

If you want the relationship to feel new, keep the table full.

Socials:

IG: @adamross_online
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LinkedIn: Adam Ross

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Fuck It Chip Podcast. I'm Adam. And as always, Jay joins me to hit me with a question right off the top. Adam, simple question for today is how do we keep relationships new? Great question, to be honest. Intimacy. Intimacy in a relationship is a driving factor to, it's the glue that keeps everything alive. Let's use an analogy. If there's uh no food on the table, if you're not serving food on the table, the relationship, don't be shocked if your partner gets a meal elsewhere. And I'm what I mean by that is this isn't about cooking. This is not a cooking show. This is very simple in simple terms. Intimacy in the beginning is something that was freely given. It was it was shared. You looked forward to giving it to each other. Over time, in a relationship, if intimacy is in a box, if it's something that has to be asked for, if it's something that has to be earned, that creates a distance between the two of you that's rarely spoken about. And intimacy isn't about sex, it's not physical. It can be something as simple as holding hands, uh, late-night conversation between the two of you about what you want, but even just something as simple as your day, just being connected. And when that is withheld, what was once easily given to one another, and you look forward to sharing, if it's withheld, it creates a massive, massive divide. And so it's not power in a relationship. Intimacy, physical intimacy is not power in a relationship at all. It's the lifeline. And if you withhold it and you box it up, you're not growing or getting stronger, you're unplugging the lifeline to the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

So you're probably talking a lot about like, you know, spouse to spouse kind of thing. Is there a correlation for this as well in the business world?

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yes, 100%. And we're not going to use the word intimacy. We're going to use stuff like trust. We're going to use stuff like respect. You got to know that your business partner has your back and has your best intentions at all times and isn't doing things to withhold information, box up things, compartmentalize parts of the company or secrets within the company that hold you back, that keep you at a certain level while they rise. As soon as that happens, you lose the lifeline, you lose the pipeline. The trust is gone, and there's no more uh growth. You're the you're not getting power from that move. You are actually killing the growth of the company. You're killing the growth of the partnership, and you are doing the exact same thing. Withholding information is unplugging the lifeline of the company, and eventually it will erode faster than you anticipate.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

As a leader, are you providing your staff with you know food and what that food is? What is someone in a leadership position? What is that food symbolize?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

That's the hard that is probably one of the most challenging things about being a leader uh and trying to lead a group of young men and women that the messaging, the food, not just the tools and the marketing and stuff you provide for them, but the messaging, the encouragement has to come from a genuine place. And what I've learned over time is that is not a given. Very skeptical society. We talked about aligning yourself with a brand before and not choosing the line of work you're in, but a company you believe in, a leadership that you can follow. This is the same message that the quote-unquote food provided, the growth that you try to give to your team and young people has to come from a genuine part of yourself as a leader, that it's not just believable, it's repeatable. And I think anyone can be a really good actor or actress and stand up there and say good company things, but it's demonstrating those little things day after day after day that you do genuinely care, that you do genuinely, you're invested in their success. The throwback is the more successful I am, you're just more successful. And you have to keep sticking to your those those messages as a leader with young people today, that that's kind of like the the general payoff for both of us, that we're both gonna grow. But I'm gonna demonstrate to you day after day after day that I give a shit about your growth and I care about you. And that is an intimate relationship. That is me knowing about what you want, what you're trying to accomplish outside of a job. And I think uh that makes the strongest leadership uh a company can have.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

So let's flip the script a little bit here, um, especially for people rebuilding. Some of them are not obviously going to just jump into a leadership position, nor do they some want it. Some might want to go be an employee at a company, right? What is the food that they should be expected to be giving to the leader to keep that relationship new? And is there some does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Yeah, we're related to relationships and withholding intimacy. It's a two-way street in that, uh, spouse to spouse, uh, boyfriend to girlfriend, and it is a two-way street part business partner to business partner, and the same for employer employee. So uh you've got to bring the things that can't be coached, that can't be trained, being on time, being happy to be like energetic, being wanting to be here, um, showing and taking initiative, uh, not just following the process, but understanding the process and and the willingness to learn and to put it into action. There's so many things that cannot be trained. There's no manual on you want you giving a shit. That's a you problem. That's you have to bring that. There is no manual on showing up on time. That's you not staying up late. That's you not having bad habits. That's you making, putting you being here on time ahead of whatever it is you were doing at night. We had a video that popped off about, you know, you don't get to skip the gym because you scrolled TikTok. It's the same shit here in life. You don't get to call your employer and say you have tummy issues and be 30 minutes late every day. It gets to a point where you either need to go to the doctor or the tummy issues are bad choices the night before. You need to own up to that. If you want a leader to show you respect and to go the extra mile for you, you should at least be willing to go uh half a mile and follow and show some things that are uncoachable and bring those to the table.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

So the other area too of relationships would be relationships with your children. Now, you you have a few children. Uh is there a food that you have to provide for them? And because I'm assuming that there's also a lot of people that listen to this who are parents who would love to hear your advice on parenting if you have any. I know you're not a parenting is you know expert or you don't like to give it a lot, but is there something they can give? And are kids, should they be expected to provide food back, or is that the area that maybe they can learn to a certain point before they're starting to give food?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yeah, you teach them, but you can't teach them by preaching to them. So the food, the most important food, is time. We're busy as parents, we're busy paying the mortgage, run, you know, at a company, being at work on time, being a partner, a business partner, being a spouse. It's it's that time that you must be conscious of. That is the only food, quote unquote, that matters most. You would think it doesn't, but when you have an interaction with your child and they they yell, they get upset, they you know break a rule, they're not following, they're not, and you have that exchange and it might be heated, and uh, and you're you're not really listening, you're both trying to get your point across, and it's a complete pay parent failure. And you know, when you go to your room or your quiet space, you both separate from each other, it was a fail. You'll see that they're the there, they want the time back. Uh they'll be the first one to come into the room. Or if they do, pay attention, right? They come to the room, they say nothing, they sit on the couch. That's them learning how to come back and and reconnect and try and take that time or give that get that time. So time is some is the food on the table for the parenting.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

And to wrap this up, just one last question would be in all of these relationship situations, is there a point where one individual could give too much food? And can it be overbearing? And then is there a way to know when you're kind of, let's say, you know, giving too much, clingy, whatever you want to call it?

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Yeah, 100%. I think uh balance is something that uh human needs to learn. I think there's been plenty of times in our own relationships that we have been the person that gives too much. Um, you can kill intimacy by asking for it too much and uh expecting it too much, and you may not even be giving it yourself. I think it's about it is really trying to have a self, a self-awareness of what the balance really is. You know, you hear the voice inside when you know you're not getting enough. Before you voice that to your partner, spouse, girlfriend, business partner, employee. I would ask yourself if you can confidently say you're giving the same amount, you're putting the same amount of table on the food. I didn't say one person has to bring the food to the table. I think it's important that we realize that everybody's got to keep the table full. And with that, we'll wrap up the episode. See you next time.