Figuring it out at 40: Life beyond the timeline
Figuring It Out at 40 is for anyone who’s ever looked around and thought, “Hang on - wasn’t life meant to look different by now?”
I’m Gem - 41, single, no kids, never been married (not even close), and learning to carve out my own path. After leaving a job that was burning me out, I’ve since been creating a different life I never expected. I've started working online, want to move to Ibiza, solo travel and create a future that feels aligned - even if it doesn’t look anywhere near how I thought growing up.
I’ll share the highs, the lows, the self-doubt, the messy bits and the breakthroughs - all the things that don’t usually get celebrated but deserve to be. It’s about laughing at the awkward bits, grieving the hard bits, and reminding yourself you’re not on your own.
So, whether you’re 30s, 40s or beyond, single, divorced, child-free, or simply rethinking the path you’re on - you’ll find honesty, humour, and high vibes here. Think of this as a reminder that your story isn’t on the wrong track - it’s just a different one.
Figuring it out at 40: Life beyond the timeline
Are you really single… or just distracted?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode, I’m talking about something that’s been on my mind a lot this week - what it actually means to be single.
Because I don’t think most people are.
Not in a relationship? Yes.
But fully single… I’m not so sure.
There’s often someone in the background - someone we’re messaging, thinking about, or getting attention from. And without realising it, that can keep us distracted, stuck, and not fully moving forward.
I’ve been in both.
And they feel completely different.
In this episode, I share my own experience with this, how distraction can affect your energy and clarity, and why being truly on your own can feel uncomfortable - but also necessary.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, unsure, or like something’s just a bit off… this one might get you thinking.
Thank you so much for listening!
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⚡️You can also connect with me on Instagram: @whatsnextforme111
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We've got this!
Gem xx
Hello and welcome back to Figuring It Out at 40, Life Beyond the Timeline. I'm Gemma Jackson, and today I want to talk to you about being single. But are you single or are you distracted? So grab a cupper, or even better, put me in your ears and go for a walk. And let's dive in a so I took a week off last week, wasn't feeling great, needed a bit of a reset, but I actually feel a lot clearer now. I've had a pretty quiet week, a few walks, time with family, nothing major, but I think I needed it. And I've had some in the last few days alone, I've dialed up the self-care, the meditation, the mindfulness, and I feel loads better and I feel a lot clearer. But something that's been on my mind this week, and I didn't plan to talk about it, but it just keeps coming up through conversations, experiences, things that I just feel like I really want to talk about this. I actually don't think most people are single. Like they're not in a relationship, yeah. But fully single, I don't think so. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way. I've just noticed it more and more. There's usually someone in the background, someone they're messaging, someone they haven't fully let go of, or just attention coming in from somewhere. And it made me think that's not really being single, that's more like being in between, or just not fully on your own. And I'm gonna put my hands up here because I've been in both. I've been that person that said, I'm fine on my own, but there's still someone there, someone in the background, someone distracting me. But I've also been in that space where there is genuinely no one, and they feel completely different. Because when there's someone there, even if it's not serious, there's always a bit of your energy going somewhere. You're thinking about them, you're checking your phone, you're reaching out to them, engaging in conversation, just being aware of them there. And it's subtle, but it's there. Whereas when there's no one, all of that energy comes back to you, and if I'm honest, that can feel really uncomfortable at first because you don't realize how used to that background noise you've become until it's gone. And I think that's the thing. A lot of people aren't actually single, they're just distracted. Now, in my own experiences, I've had situationships where I actually unintentionally, I didn't want that, but that's how it's ended up. And all it's done is it's drained my energy and left me feeling rubbish because that actually wasn't what I wanted, and it's an energy exchange, and it's it was draining my energy. And when you are being distracted, there's always something going on: messages, attention, someone in the background. And when that's there, you never actually have to fully sit with yourself because there's always that bit of noise. So I've noticed that in myself as well, and I've been clouded, my head's been so full, and it's not allowed me to think properly. Now, that isn't even just I've been distracted by situationships, external environments, family, friends, opinions of others, things going on in my world, and it's really got me stuck in my head. And when you have got somebody that's not committing to you, but they're still in the background, it is I want you to think about how does that make you feel now. If you're both on a same agreement that that's all you want, then amazing, that's good for you. But if somebody wants more than the other, then someone is always going to get hurt. And what I've noticed is when there is someone in the background, something going on, someone there, you're not really moving forward, you're kind of just staying in that in-between space. And when there is someone distracting you or you're thinking about somebody, you are stopping somebody else, the right person, from coming in. Now, I'm not saying it's easy, I am not saying that. Oh, I've been there too many times, but sometimes it's absolutely necessary. And this is a realization that I've had recently where I thought I was moving forward, but actually I've been filling a space, keeping myself stuck, distracting myself, and it's been taking my energy, and it's by keeping those distractions there, you're clouding, you're clouding your head space, you're you're constantly you might be hurting yourself, or yeah, it's just not good for you. If you're feeling like rubbish, that's you know, sit with it. And when these things have gone, that's when things become clear. Because when that distraction isn't there anymore, that's when things get very clear very quickly. And I don't think that everyone actually wants that level of clarity. And with me personally, I've been there in the last week, I've been questioning where is it I want to go. Now, there's certain things that are outside of my control that have been really plain on my mind and draining my energy. Brexit. We can't just go and work in Europe. So I want to move to a beef, and ultimately I will end up in a beef. I am gonna live in a beef, but right now there's a lot of things that are kind of in my way that's I need to stop and look at those and think, actually, is that really where I want to go now? Or do I need to go off and do something else? So I've been like this week, like things have been coming in because my headspace, I've I think I've given myself a bit of a rest as well this week. And it's allowed things to come in, and that's exactly what what's meant to happen. Bit of grounding, walking, that's when for me, movement, that's when I get all my crazy ideas. But the thing with a beefer is that if I go there now, when I'm in in this position right now, I actually think I'm gonna go backwards. Because when I think of a beaver, as much as I absolutely love it, I also think about the when I was there two years ago, there were things that I didn't like about it and set me back, knocked me, drained me. And if I go over there now, I've I'm at risk of that happening again because my business isn't where I want it to be. I'm not where I want to be in terms of I need to go off and do some solo travel. Let's call, I'm gonna be cliche, I'm gonna go and find myself, but I need to do that on my own with no distractions, no one in the background, no, yeah, I'm gonna be leaving my friends and my family. However, I need to do this for me. So go to be it barley somewhere else, have that time on my own. Yes, I'm gonna be online, I'm still gonna be speaking to people on my friends and my family, but on my own to figure things out for me, have that breathing space and get clear on what it is I want to do and where it is I want to go to. So that's where I'm at. And I think even just this last week of having a bit of brain space to think about that, it's kind of come to light. And so I want to kind of put that to you. If you are feeling like stuck, confused, maybe you're on the dating scene and you're talking to people, but it's not moving forward, then ask yourself, ask yourself, is it is that necessary or can you get can you cut it off? I was speaking to one of my friends the other day and she says she's got dating fatigue. Take some time out, take some time out, and just completely come off everything and spend some time on your own. We all get in this, we're worried about timelines and things passing us by, and gotta, you know, want to be with somebody, but cut out those distractions and get clear on exactly what it is that you want so that you can then bring that in. And that is exactly what I'm doing when I go off, be it barley. I think I really want to go back to Bali. It's calling me, that's where I feel like I want to go. Who knows? Tomorrow it might be somewhere different. It was Italy last week, but yeah, I want to sort of want to end this episode on is when people say they're happy being single, I do sometimes wonder: are you actually okay on your own? Or is there just always something or someone there? I'm not judging it, I just think it's really common. And I do think there's a difference between being content on your own and needing that constant distraction to feel okay. And I just think it's worth being honest about where you're actually at. Because I've had to do that in this last week, and I'll be honest, I've been distracted. I've had things, people in the background that have been distracting me and actually been draining my energy. And I've felt that. I have felt that. And it's not that it's gonna be like that forever, but I need to get myself into a better place, and that is me going off doing my own thing. Anyways, that's what I've been thinking about this week. I hope it's been helpful. I have loved speaking to you all. If you've enjoyed this episode, please like, share, subscribe, leave a review, share this with somebody that you think would really benefit from listening to this, and follow me on Instagram at what's next for me111. Thank you so, so much. I will see you next week on the next one of Figure It Out at 40, life beyond the timeline. Take care, everyone.
