I did everything right… so why didn’t it feel right?

I did everything “right”… but my life still didn’t feel right.

In this episode, I talk about that in-between space - where life looks fine on the outside, but something feels off underneath.

From the pressure of not being where I thought I’d be at 40, to the moment that shifted everything for me, and how one small decision (a solo trip) became the catalyst for change.

If you’ve ever felt like something’s missing but you can’t quite explain it… this is for you.

Thank you so much for listening! 

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⚡️You can also connect with me on Instagram: @whatsnextforme111

⚡️And if you’d like to support the podcast, you’re always welcome to buy me a coffee - Thank you so much 

We've got this! 

Gem xx

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Figuring It Out at 40. I'm Gemma Jackson, and today I'm going to be talking about how you can do everything right and still not be where you thought you should be by now. So grab a cupper or take me for a walk and let's dive in! So, welcome back everybody. It's been a lovely, lovely bank holiday weekend. I hope you've enjoyed the four-day break. If you're listening to this just after Easter, so yeah, I've had a lovely weekend. I've spent a lot of time this weekend with two of my single friends, and it's been really, really nice. We decided to do something a little bit different on Sunday and went somewhere we don't normally go, and the change of scene was just brilliant. I really, really enjoyed myself. So I hope you've all had a good one. And I'm firing on all cylinders this morning, and I was like, let's get this podcast recorded because I've been taught I've talked about this on my social media, and I think it's a real topic that I think so many of us can resonate. Now, if you do, please do give me your feedback because I really do see it all and really appreciate your feedback. So I've been thinking about this a lot, and I keep coming back to the same thing. I did everything right. Now I'm putting like those inverted commas up there, but and my life still didn't feel right. Now I've put something out on social media and it's drawn a lot of attention. Now, this was the one post that drew in a lot of views last summer, and I've done it again to on a slightly different angle, but the amount of comments I have seen has been huge of people that are saying the same thing, like that they're in a similar position, but also people go, What's what is right? and that is the that is the thing. What is right? So I know that there's a lot of other people that feel this way, so yeah, I had things. I had a good job, a house, a car, but at the same time, I was in my late 30s on my own, no kids, no family of my own. Yes, I've got family, but not of my own. So, depending on who you asked, I was either doing really well or completely behind. And that's the thing, depending on who you asked. Everyone's got a different view, a different opinion. And if I'm honest, I didn't feel good about it. I felt pressure, anxious, like I wasn't enough, like I'd done everything I was supposed to, and it still hadn't gone the way I thought it would. And I've even had people, you know, you get those comments around, ooh, you you should be married by now, and I was married by your age, and all of that. And it's hard not to kind of internalize that. But I did keep thinking, is this it? But I didn't stop to question it, I just got on with it because that's what you do, isn't it? Right? You tell yourself it'll happen when I'll be happy when I'll do it when, and before you know it, time's just passing, anyways. Now, someone I used to work with, he said this to me a long time ago, and he was like, Gem, it's about the journey, not the destination. And I keep forgetting that. I think I need to get it tattooed on me somewhere because it's so right, it is about the journey, it's not always easy, it's not always plain sailing, but that is so true, and all I was doing is I'll be happy when when I get in a relationship and I get the pay rise and I get the promotion and all of that, but it took, it was when Karen got diagnosed with cancer. That's when something really hit me. Now, I didn't wake up one day and go, right, Kaza's been diagnosed with cancer, I'm turning my whole life upside down. But it was small things that I started to kind of, I don't know if it was maybe a subconscious thing, but became aware of. I realized I'd been waiting my like living my life, waiting, waiting to be happy, waiting for things to fall into place, waiting for everything to feel how I thought it would, all the while. Time passing me by, anyways, doesn't stop for anybody. And really, really, was I gonna be happy when I've had to do a lot of work and I'm a lot happier now. I could have had all of that. I had a good job, I had that, I had a nice car, I have a I've got a lovely house, and I'm getting rid of it all because actually it's not making me happy, and it really did make me wake up and realize because you think you've got time until you realise you actually don't know that, because within two weeks, her whole world was turned upside down. She was the same as me, she had a good job working for promotions, she wanted family, she wanted she was engaged to be married, all of that, and it's like all of a sudden, her whole life is upside down. So, yeah, like I said, didn't just wake up one day and go, right, I'm quitting my job, I'm doing all this, but I did start to look at things and do things differently, not in like this big, like say, blow my whole world upside down, just small things at first, and one of the things, one of the first things I did was book a solo holiday. Now, I love the sun, I love a holiday, and for quite a while I didn't actually go on holiday. Kaz was my we were the ones that went on holiday together. She got her a partner, and then so naturally she started going on holiday with him, and I was like, I need a holiday. And I had I do have single friends, but one of my best mates, we are like we call each we are soul sisters, but we are very opposite when it comes to holidays and holiday destinations. I love the son, she doesn't, and so I was like, she's not the right person for me to be going on holiday with, anyways, it wouldn't work. And at the time, financially, I was in a position to be able to just book and go, and she wasn't, so it was either I go on holiday on my own or I don't go at all, and I was sick of just oh, I can't go because my single friend is no longer single and she's got a partner, or I'm waiting to be invited to go on family holidays or with friends, it doesn't work like that. You've got to take action, and I was like, right, I'm gonna book this holiday, and yeah, I was terrified, but actually that holiday was just huge for me, and at the time, I yes, it was a big deal to me because I I didn't do things on my own, even though I live on my own, but it was a big deal to me, and to others might think that's that's nothing, but looking back, it was the start of everything, it gave me space, and I started thinking differently. I found it really liberating, and yes, I knew somebody out there, so I picked somewhere that was familiar, and originally I wasn't gonna go there because I was like, I don't want a party holiday, but when I reached out to my mate, he was like, There's something for everyone here, and I'm so pleased that I listened to that and booked to go there because I do love it there, and obviously, if you know my story, I want to move out there, and it gave me that clarity, that thinking space, spending seven days on your own, even though I live on my own, it's different, you know. You're distracted all the time, work a lot, and my negative headspace at the time, and yeah, I started to think differently, I started to look at things in a different way. I look like about my life, what I actually wanted, and what I was settling for. And again, I say this in I didn't literally go, I had this light bulb moment. It wasn't that, it was subtle things that I just started to question, and yeah, I had been looking at opportunities, seeing what else was out there, but I started something online after that, and am I where I want to be with that? No, but for me, I thought that is part of it, it's forced me to grow in ways I never would have. But this is the bit that matters. It wasn't a beather, it wasn't the business, it was the fact that I did something, I did something about it, I did something different. Because I think a lot of people are waiting, waiting to feel ready, waiting for things to change, waiting for life to just fall into place. And I have these conversations with people a lot through what it is I do, and they're like, Oh, it's not the right time for me to do that. Or and I'm like, but when is the right time? Because there's always going to be an excuse, there's always gonna be a reason not to start something. Sometimes you just I keep saying it, you've got to take that messy action. I was that person that was waiting for things to line up, get your ducks in a row before you move to the next thing. Doesn't work like that. You have to take risks sometimes, take action because if you don't, nothing changes, and if you keep doing the same thing, you're gonna keep bringing in the same thing and feeling the same and doing the same. You have to make changes, nothing changes if nothing changes, and I was doing that for years. I didn't have a boyfriend, but actually, was I really putting myself out there? Not really, didn't like doing the online dating, didn't really when I was out and about with my friends and that, didn't approach people, I just wanted to have a good time with my friends. Did I actively was I actively dating? No, and actually, yeah, so if I want to get a relationship and meet someone, what you've got to do, you've got to start putting yourself out there, and yeah, I've I felt like I was doing everything right, but actually, I wasn't doing anything different, and I wasn't. This is one the thing that's been huge for me is I wasn't doing anything different to kind of everyone around me. So I was trying to fit this world where actually I'm not meant to be in because I'm trying, I'm doing everything that everyone else is doing, it's working for them, but it isn't for me. But I was never meant to stay in this place, that's where I see it now. I see things very differently, but yeah, doing everything right, what I thought on paper, but actually nothing was changing. So the takeaway from this episode is if your life doesn't feel how you thought it would, maybe it's not about I'm not saying blowing up everything overnight, but just doing one thing differently. Take that scary thing, scary step into whatever it is you wanna you you want to do this thing, you want to be this person. Start to be that person, start to act in the way that that person would be acting. So for me, I'm saying, oh, I want to live in a beather, but I'm still sat in my home in Cumbria. How can I get over there when I'm still sat in my house here right now? I wasn't putting it on the market for rent, I hadn't had it valued, I was doing nothing, nada. I was sitting here going, I want to move to a beat there. Start taking those aligned steps, start moving those forward, and that's when things will start to work for you. It might not look how you thought it would. I have no clue how mine is gonna look. Do I want to be in Ibiza? Yes. However, how I'm gonna get there, I don't know how that's gonna look. And it might all change. It might change. I might go to Bali and decide I'm gonna go somewhere else. I'm gonna do maybe a beather isn't where I want to be anymore. But for me, right now, I've got a vision, I've got a goal, I've got a dream, and I'm going for it, but I've also got to try not to. You cannot control, you cannot control the outcome. You have to let it be. Let it go, go with it, and what will be will be. And that's how I am trying to that's now is how I'm kind of leading forward. It's like, no, I don't have a solid plan, but this is very unlike me. But if I had the solid plan, it wouldn't then I'm trying to control the I'm trying to control my outcome, and yeah, for me, I did everything right, and it still didn't feel right. And I think that's the biggest thing that I've realized is that I was waiting to be happy while time was passing by anyway. So that's what I've been thinking about this week, and that's what I want you to take away from this episode is that if everything is all great and wonderful in your world, then carry on. But if something isn't, and you're you're like, I'm doing everything right, but it doesn't feel right, or there's certain things aren't coming in that I wanted, it's about taking that scary step out of your comfort zone. It might even just be go for a coffee on your own, you never know who you might bump into and have a conversation with, or it might be book that solo holiday. You want a holiday, go and book it. You want to go away for a weekend, you want to go and see something, it's on your it's on your bucket list, or whatever it may be. You want to go and see a concert, go and do it anyway. You just don't know where it will take you. It think of the growth that you'll get, the confidence of doing it that one time that's terrified the life out of you. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And you just never know where you might be this time next year. Things could all change, but it starts by taking that action to doing something a little bit different. Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. So thank you so much, everybody, for joining into this episode. If you want to follow me, find me on What's NextForme111 on Instagram. Give this episode a review, like it, share it with somebody that you think would like to listen to it, and yeah, have an amazing week, everybody, and I will see you on the next one. Take care.