If you feel behind in life, listen to this

Those quiet moments… walking through the door, Sundays, sitting in your own head.

If you’ve ever felt behind in life and like everyone else is moving forward and you’re not — this one’s for you.

Single, over 30 or 40, and life hasn’t gone the way you expected? This episode will help you shift from feeling stuck to actually taking action.

My ebook Is This It?  is available to download here

Thank you so much for listening! 

⚡️If this episode landed for you, please hit the subscribe button!  

⚡️My ebook - Is This It - Available to download now here

⚡️You can also connect with me on Instagram: @whatsnextforme111

⚡️And if you’d like to support the podcast, you’re always welcome to buy me a coffee - Thank you so much 

We've got this. 

Gem xx

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Figuring It Out at 40. I'm Gemma Jackson and I am so excited about this episode because I am here today to talk to you about feeling behind in life. And I've been working on something in the background that I think you're really gonna benefit from. So if you are feeling behind in life, this is the episode for you. So grab a copper, or even better, let's go for a walk and let's dive in. What have I been up to this last week? Your single 41-year-old friend. Um, I've had a lovely week. I've been with friends. We had a surprise birthday over the weekend, and yeah, it's just been really nice. I am now into week nine of having sold my house. And have I been packing? Not really. My spare room is upside down, and I'm kind of in a bit of limbo, waiting for the solicitors to give me a date. It could take another 11 weeks, so yeah, I'll let you know when I've got a bit more of an update. But I kind of just feel like I'm waiting for things to get moving, and because the buyer's getting a lot of my furniture, I just really need to get rid of clothes and shit basically, and then yeah, I can then start looking at flights as soon as I get a get a date. So I've been working really hard on something in the background, and I'm so excited to talk to you all about it today because this is something that has been where I've been for a long time. Feeling stuck, being in comparison mode, feeling behind in my life, and I want to talk about all of this today because I know there are so many more of you out there that feel how I've felt. How do I know this? Because I have had so many messages, I see all the comments on my posts from you that are saying the exact thing that you're not where you thought you would be in life, and it's that life is passing you by, and you think everyone else's lives are moving forward, and you feel stuck. So I want to talk about this today because I know so many people feel this, but they don't say it out loud. Now it's not in the big, obvious moments, it's not when everything's going wrong, it's actually the small moments, the ones that creep in without warning, the ones where nothing's technically wrong, but something doesn't feel right either, and you feel off. For me, it's those days when you walk in through the front door after a long day and there's no one there to speak to. Now, don't get me wrong, some days my social battery is flat, and I like to shut my door and I like to be on my own to recharge, but those times when you come home and it's just silent, if you've had a bad day, there's no one to distract you, take your mind off things, give you a cuddle, make you a cup of tea, or you've had a great day and you've got nobody to bounce that off and celebrate that win with when you walk through the door. And Sundays for me were oh, I used to hate a Sunday, they were my least favourite day of the week, that and a Monday. Of course, no one no one is really keen on a Monday, but you know, that day where everything slows down and you've suddenly got time to think, time to feel, time to notice things you've not probably noticed through the week because you've been too busy to think about it, and it's in those moments where it can really hit you. It's not all the time, but I found it particularly on a Sunday, and those days when I come in from work and I'd had a bad day and there was no one there to speak to. It's that feeling of, is this it? And during the week, you're fine, you're busy, you've got structure, you've got things to do, people to speak to, somewhere to be, but then it gets to those quieter moments, and there's nothing distracting you, no noise, no urgency, just you and your thoughts, and that's where it can go one of two ways. Because what most people do in those moments, and I've done this more times than I can count, sit down, pick up the phone, and you start scrolling, and that is where the comparison creeps in. You start noticing what everyone else seems to have couples, families, people doing things together, and whether it's true or not, it feels like everyone else's lives are moving forward and you're just not, like you're still at the starting line while everyone else has got going. Now, I have said this quite a lot. Like, I feel like I'm still waiting to grow up. I feel like because I'm not a parent, I yeah, I've got a mortgage, I've got that responsibility, but it's it's it's that weird feeling of like, yeah, when am I gonna grow up? And also that, yeah, not getting out of first gear. And I can describe this like just seeing people passing you by, and you're still there sort of waiting to get going. And that is when the thoughts start creeping in. Why hasn't this happened for me? Am I behind? What am I actually doing? And before you know it, you've gone from being okay to feeling flat, frustrated, and stuck in your own head. And then Monday comes around, doesn't it? You're back into the routine, back into being busy, and that feeling gets pushed to the side again until that next quiet moment, maybe when you're getting in from work or those Sundays, and it becomes this cycle on repeat, week on week, busy, distracted, fine, then quiet, thinking, comparing, and feeling it, then back to busy again. I think a lot of people just accept that as well, that's life, that that's just how it is. And when you don't have that focus, because I don't, we don't have that built-in focus, the kids, the you know, getting started for school, making dinners, all of that, we don't have that partner there every day, we don't have that constant external structure. So, where does all that time and energy go? We turn it inwards, and if you're not careful, it turns inwards in the worst way. Overthinking, comparing, questioning yourself, being hard on yourself. I'm holding my hands up because that was me, and I was my biggest worst enemy. But this is the shift that I want to share with you today. This is the bit that changed things for me. Those moments aren't the problem, they are the opportunity. That time you've got that space, that quiet, most people don't have that. They're constantly on the go, no time to think, no time to actually check in. You've got something different, but if you don't use it properly, it will work against you. And I know this because I've lived on both sides of it. I've had the version where I sit in it, scroll, compare, feel rubbish, and tell myself I'll sort things tomorrow or next week when I feel better or when something changes. And surprise, nothing changes. Same thoughts, same feelings, same cycle. But I've also had that version when I've started doing things differently. And I'll be honest, it didn't come from feeling ready, it came from feeling fed up of my own patterns, saying the same things, thinking the same things, waiting, putting things off. And it's only when something significant happened in my world that I started to realize that time isn't waiting for anybody. And if you want something, you want to do something, something's not right in your life, you have to start taking action, and that is when things will start to shift. Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. Now, I didn't just wake up one day and decide or realise that I want to quit my job, I'm gonna move away, I'm gonna do all these things that I yeah, never, that was never on my radar. It just started with saying yes to something that scared me because the big a big turning point, and I've spoken about this before, was in August 2023, I went away on a solo holiday. Now it was either I go on a holiday on my own or I don't go at all. It was that simple, and I wanted a sunny holiday, I wanted a holiday, and I I thought to myself, what's the worst that can happen? You go to this beautiful hotel, which I was fortunate enough to book, and you stay in the hotel for a full week if that if that's it, and you get a nice suntime, you've had good food, and you've had a week away because you live on your own, so why not go and spend a week in the sunshine? I was nervous, really worrying, questioning, sat in the airport thinking, What are you doing, Jem? But I went anyways, and that one decision changed more than I realised at the time. Not overnight, it wasn't like I was like, That's it, I'm I'm moving, but it shifted something in me. I came back and it wasn't long enough. I was like, I loved that, but it wasn't long enough. So I was in a fortunate position, I went back again, and on that trip, conversations were hard, and I started to think, I want to be out here. Why like I'd love to love for this to be a possibility? Came back and started then looking into what is the art of the possible. I'd proved to myself that I can do things on my own, I can choose something different if I want to. I don't have to wait for somebody else or the right timing. There's never a right time or everything to line up perfectly. Now, I was this person that had liked to have all my ducks in a row, and I would be, I'll I won't move to the next thing till I have the next thing lined up, kind of thing. So be a job or whatever I'm thinking of doing, so not selling my house and and not having anything, you'd have the next house lined up, you'd have the next job lined up. No, not this girl anymore, she's just going for it. I seriously do not recognise who I am right now to where I was before. What a shift! And that's the bit I really want you to hear. Nothing changes unless you start choosing differently in those small moments. Now, booking a solo holiday that wasn't a small moment for me, was massive, but to other people, it's nothing. But it's about taking that action, not when everything's perfectly lined up, because it doesn't work like that, not when you feel 100% ready. Because if I was waiting to feel 100% ready, I'd still be here now in my job, burning out, thinking and talking about I'll do it when. But I had to make that decision, just go and do it. And in those exact moments, that's where you know you would usually just sit down, scroll, and think, Oh, I'd look, I'll do that when. But no, that's where you've got that decision. You can make that right now. Do something about it. So when you walk through the door and it's quiet, what do you do? It's Sunday and you've got that whole day ahead of you. What do you do? You feel that dip. That is this it feeling. What do you do? Do you go into the same pattern or do you interrupt it? Now it's took me a long time, it took me a long time to get to that point where I was rec I recognized my bad habits, and I'm not here saying you have to suddenly change your whole life overnight, you don't, but you do need to start choosing yourself in small ways consistently. Do things that you've not done before. You might think, I don't want to do that, but honestly, it I know it sounds simple, but if you keep doing the same things, you can expect the same results. But if you want something to change, you're not happy with something, you feel behind in your life, you have to start taking action. So it might look like getting up a little bit earlier, starting your day with a brisk walk around the block before you go to work, instead of getting up and sitting down, scrolling. Put your phone down when you feel it making you feel worse. For me, I won't go on my phone first thing in the morning. I've just woken up from a lovely sleep. I'm feeling all good. Why do I want to consume a load of information that I cannot control? The news, stay off the news first thing in the morning. Your phone, don't be scrolling, like messages, like you've got to make sure you're in the right headspace to receive all of that. Because I was noticing it was really impacting my day, how I was feeling. If you start your day in the best possible way for you, then you're setting yourself up for a good day. But if you start absorbing negative things and consuming things that are gonna make you feel rubbish, then you're setting yourself off on the wrong foot. And I want you to do this. This is something that I talk about in my ebook, but it's about start your day positively. I want you to say five things that you love about yourself every single morning when you get out of bed. Now, this, even before you get out of bed, now this is something I was a bit uncomfortable with, but now I do it every single day. It can be as simple as I love my hair, I love my smile, I love my legs because I can run not that fast all the time, but I can run and I can walk and get me to places. I love my eyes because I can see, I love my ears because I can hear. Something's so simple, and it sounds cheesy and cringe, and you're gonna go, oh no, but it's a setting you off in a positive way rather than pulling yourself to bits because that's what I would always do. Be so negative because there was nobody there to snap me out of it. And it's only when Kirsten picked me up on it and barley, she's like, You're so negative towards yourself in a morning that I was like, Oh my word, I never even realized that I did it. And I was like, Thank you so so much. But when you start to do these little habits, even if it feels uncomfortable, that's when these small things start to build. And you might start making decisions that you're gonna do, go for a coffee on your own, maybe start something that's for you, a blog, a social media platform. And the more that you do it, the more that you start showing up for yourself, that's where your confidence comes from, and that's where the change comes from. If I was sat waiting to be happy when I'm gonna be waiting a long time, there's you know, your own happiness, it's within you. You've just got to unlock those habits and those behaviors that will make you feel better and making conscious decisions because this sometimes, yeah, this is the bit that people don't want to hear. You can't keep saying, I'll do it when, I'll do it when I feel better, I'll do it when the life feels more settled, when the timing's right. For me, I'm gonna I'm gonna move abroad, I'm gonna move to a beta, I'm gonna do this when when a sale comes in, when I get the criteria to hit my nomad visa, when things start coming in to enable me to then move to the next thing, it doesn't work like that. You've got to start taking action steps. And I'm not saying quit your job or sell your house like I've done, but I've done all these things over the years, and I've got belief in myself and confidence and trust that this is all gonna work out, and I'm taking that aligned action. I'm telling the universe I'm serious about this. Getting the house on the market, selling the house, I'm taking that. It's a big scary one, but this has taken a long time for me to build to this point. But I've got to do it because you know what? Nothing changes if nothing changes. I cannot start a new life in a beefer when I'm sat in Cumbria living my life here right now. I've got to take action, and I'm not saying it's easy, but neither is staying where you are. I want you to go and create those opportunities, they don't just land in your lap, you create them, and selling a house for me, it's not easy. These decisions I'm making are not easy, but staying in that place where I feel stuck, feel behind, and going around in the same cycles, that's not easy either. And I can tell you now, I have been in the most uncomfortable place in the last few years, especially the last 12 months, and it's pushing me, pushing me to get out of my comfort zone. I know I need to do this, you know. So it comes back to this those quiet moments that you've got that time, they're either the things that keep you stuck or the thing that changes everything. And if you're listening to this thinking, this is literally me, then just start small. I'm not saying go and do this everything overnight. Don't try and change everything at once and put pressure on yourself because all you're gonna do is overwhelm yourself and not do anything. Just choose something different the next time that that moment comes because that's where it shifts. And honestly, that's exactly why I've created this ebook. Those moments when you get in from work and you're feeling flat, you're feeling so well, get your trainers on, don't think about it and go for a brisk walk or do a workout, whatever that movement is key. It doesn't have to be a 45-minute, 15-minute workout. It can literally just be 10 minutes to get you out of the house, get the blood pumping, get you moving because movement is medicine. And I've had all of this, you know, everything I've learned and what I actually use in those moments when I feel a bit off, a bit stuck, and back in my own head again. I've listed these tools, and I talk about this in my ebook for you to refer back to time and time again. Now, this isn't something that you're gonna read and you're magically fixed because these are things I have to keep going back to as well. You have to take action, and that is where the mindset shift comes. That's where you start to build discipline, be disciplined with yourself and build these habits, and they will all compound. Trust me, it's what happens now. Don't come to me in a few months and go, oh my god, Jenna, everything's changing, and I'm moving my hat, I'm selling my house. These are but these are all positive things getting you into alignment, getting you into where you need to be from feeling stuck to taking action, keep moving forward. It's not gonna all of a sudden overnight, your life's gonna completely change. I'm still single. If I knew the answer to that, then I would be writing something about dating and meeting the guy. But it's actually about that shifting your mindset, making taking those opportunities, making opportunities for you. Because if you sit and wait for things to come in, you're just gonna create more waiting energy. And I don't want you to be in that place where I've been for such a long time. Be consistent, be disciplined, do the things that you don't want to do, because that's where the strength builds. And if it was like for me, starting an online business, it wasn't an easy decision. I've taken a risk, but if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But I never ever imagined that this would be me. And it started by the big scary, you know, a solo holiday was a big one for me, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and that's when I started to get clarity on things that I wanted, not what somebody next to me is doing, but what I wanted to do, and stop looking around, get those blinkers on. What is it that you want to do? And when you start instilling these habits, these behaviours, that's when you start to get clear, get clarity, get confident in your own beliefs and get you from feeling stuck, no longer feeling behind, actually moving forward. So if this episode hits home for you, please do go take a look at this. I've linked it in the show notes. But what I want to say to you is like more than anything, stop waiting. Stop putting things off. Stop telling yourself you'll do it when. You don't need to wait, you just need to start. Do this for you. Go check this out. The link is in my show notes. Is this it? Go download my ebook now. It's 23 pages, something that you can refer time and time. Again, back to that there is a small price for this nine pounds, but it's less than a bottle of wine, and you're not gonna wake up tomorrow morning with a bad head, and it's one and a half, two star two coffees. Depends, you know, what your Starbucks offer order is because the price of coffee is not cheap these days, but this is this is gonna help you choose yourself. Please choose yourself, do something different today that's gonna make tomorrow feel better. Don't start tomorrow, do it right now. Okay, I'm gonna leave it there. Honestly, thank you so so much. Thank you for all your support. If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with somebody that you think will benefit from listening to this. Like, share, subscribe, and please leave me a review. It really does help me. And if you want to find out more, check out my social media platforms on Instagram at What's NextForme111. I will see you on the next one. Have an amazing week, everyone. Take care.