#33 Social Media is A Lie

Have you ever looked at social media and thought "I will never look like that, I wish I could look like that, life is not fair why DONT I look like that"

We have news for you - NO ONE looks like that, social media is all angles and lighting everyone posting at their best, in the most optimal conditions

Today we dive into this - and if you want to feel better about yourself and your journey - this episode is for you

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Tash https://www.instagram.com/tashalankestercoaching/

Emily https://www.instagram.com/emdiamondcoaching/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello guys, welcome back to Mindset Meets Muscle. So today we might be stepping into a bit of dangerous territory, but not because it's controversial, but because it's pretty much invisible. And we're talking about aesthetics, standards versus social media illusions. We're talking lighting, we're talking pumps, we're talking filters and unrealistic timelines and how to protect your mindset whilst chasing ambitious physique goals.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

And here's the thing: something that I find really scary is social media has not just changed what we look at or what we see, it's changed what we perceive as normal. And when our normal shifts, your internal expectations shift with it. So whether we realize it or not, we are looking at these things that maybe are false. A lot of the time, Photoshop, especially things with AI now, we're looking at people, as said, with fillers, filters, pumps, like unnatural lighting, poses, making your body look the best possible at the best possible time. And that to us is normal when that is actually not, that's not someone's norm. So we really want to pull the curtain back today to protect your sanity.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

I full well know, as do you, that different lighting will affect massively from what you look like in one room to another. So in one room, you could look absolutely shredded. I always find it funny because I will text Tash a photo of my back in a certain gym that I go to and I'm going, girl, look, look at my back. She's like, oh my god, shredded, it's insane. And I'm at a step on stage tomorrow. Like it's the lighting. So you're like, if you have a little bit of muscle and you have this overhead shone light light, you will define and you will highlight. Don't get me wrong, you need a bit of muscle there to be to have that, but you will absolutely give it a more of a definition. And I think like we have to remind ourselves that things like social media, we're obviously having they might be have loads of glycogen loaded. So they've got glycogen in their system, they're feeling a little bit more pumped. The lit the lighting is from above, or it might be even be from the side. Another thing to take consideration is people being dehydrated. Now, I can go into a sauna, I can then take a photo after the sauna, and I have veins, I have uh that pops and I have more a dehydrated look. So um I'm not fluffy, if you like. So you can definitely see more definition there. Standard, box standard, tanning, you know? The old good when everyone goes, I feel so much better when I've got a tan. Yeah, because also it gives that illusion that, you know, you might feel a little bit more trim. And absolutely, like Tash mentioned, editing, right? When you're on social media, people will without fail edit their photos to at some level, whether that is just a little bit of a filter, whether it's a bit of a lighting, or whether they're going full deep into resizing their whole body shape and transforming it. And I think the scary thing is with AI as it stands at the moment, is that I'm now noticing, is that AI or is that not? I'm questioning whether things are now AI, and I'm not sure. That's scary. Cause now what are we gonna start comparing ourselves to an absolute not even a human, you know?

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Well, there's that's literally it. Like there is now AI influences on Instagram, and they look they look like the perfect sort of like Instagram girl with small waist, big glutes, tight, filled face, perfect lips, perfect skin. Like it's scary, but they look like real people. And so you do have to second guess yourself sometimes and think, am I looking at a real person or am I looking at a fake person? And even as we said, like a lot of the times someone who is real is going to be presenting a photo that is probably edited, probably enhanced. And you might see that and think, oh my god, I want to look like that. But actually, if you look at that person in real life, they look nothing like that. You're just seeing what they're choosing to share online, which is them at their absolute best, probably enhanced at their best as well.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

And even me and you though, like if we post a photo or we take a photo, we are gonna pose. You know, 100%. Yeah, I'm gonna be fucking sticking my hip out. Like, I want to give myself as good cars as possible.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yeah, we we know our angles as well, and we know how we look our best, and we choose to post that on social media, of course, because I'm not like you're not gonna go on social media and post a photo where you look shit because that's you don't want to do that. Like, you go on there to post when you feel good about yourself, which is absolutely fine, and we are all for that. But what I think is really important to remember is that when it does come down to maybe you comparing yourself to someone else, we're not comparing ourselves when we feel great, right? When we're feeling our best and we're feeling really good, we're probably not even on scrolling on Instagram. We're doing something else. We actually probably scroll on Instagram when we're feeling a bit flat, we're feeling a bit defeated, we're feeling a bit self-conscious. That's when we choose to scroll. So we're feeling our our our our worst, we're feeling our most exposed, or what's the word I'm looking for? Not exposed. No, I like it. Vulnerable vulnerable, yeah, exactly. We're feeling our most vulnerable, then we go, and we're probably impressionable at this point. And then we go online and we see someone who has posted their perfect pose with the perfect lighting, perfect glycogen levels, post-workout, bit dehydrated, maybe using some form of filter or some form of AI. And we compare our worst to their absolute best that they've choosed to post online. And that is where we start to feel really, really awful about ourselves and we feel like, oh my god, what's the point? Like, I'm never gonna be like that. Like, what's the point? But actually, you're never gonna look like that anyway. And it's really important to just focus on you and like don't compare yourself and maybe go online and look for inspiration.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Some people might look online for inspiration, but subconsciously, whether you realize it or not, even if you're looking at these images, you are looking at something that is in a perfect lighting. And that I need to stress that because you said like you're never gonna look like that anyway, because that person doesn't look like that all the time. So that's the the key thing to remember, even if you're looking at is it an inspiration? Oh my god, that woman has so much muscle, like she's so strong, she can do this, oh she looks really skinny, oh, she looks really lean, or whatever your tick is, they don't look like that 24-7. So even if you're inspired and you're like, right, that's gonna get me to the gym or whatever, like that's great. That's that's fucking wicked. We we're, you know, we want people to feel inspired to go to the gym. But understand that your realistic approach of that you want to look like that person, you're never going to look like that because she doesn't look like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

And do you notice that most people when they're posting selfies, it's always her post-workout. Or first thing in the morning when they wake up, maybe they're doing a check-in photo. Those are the two most common times you'll see that you'll see someone who maybe you're comparing yourself to, those are when they are, those are the times they're posting. Because they wake up in the morning, no food in the system, dehydrated, looking much leaner than than they would probably at the end of the day after a day full of food. And post-workout, when your muscles are pumped and everything is looking slightly more enhanced because of that session.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

I my my my photos that I take either after a training session or they're after a sauna. Yeah. I'm not fucking stupid. But my point is like that comparison game is I don't walk around looking that shredded 24-7. Like it doesn't work. It doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Should we move into the unrealistic timelines? Yeah, okay. So moving on from sort of unrealistic comparisons, I want to talk about the timelines that we'll see online because this is another massive illusion in the transformation space, in the physique transformation space, where we'll see, look at this three-month insane transformation, or look what happened on the for this client on this 90-day shred, or 12-week glow-up. And here's what our brains do automatically. They essentially see this as like, this is what is normal to achieve in this amount of time. Like, this is what I can achieve in 12 weeks. Not because you're naive, because this is what we're exposed to. And obviously, what we're exposed to, we believe and we anchor our expectations based on that repeated exposure.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah, there's actually uh research in social media comparison theory showing that frequent exposure to the idolized, if you like, physique will increase upward comparison and decrease body satisfaction. Looking at visible physique changes online are years in the making. And I'm really honest about this. And I actually just recorded a reel on this that if you are wanting to be toned, if you don't have much muscle, guys, it's gonna take you a fucking a few years. I'm gonna be honest, like, this is not taking you six weeks. You know, I have people, I have a three-month minimum sign up to coaching. And I have people going, all right, I'll achieve this, that the dream body in three months. No, you fucking won't. Like, if you have no muscle mass, you can make incredible, incredible changes in three months. And especially if you're on a place where you are wanting to lose fat mass, you can seriously see a big decrease in three months for sure. But if you're already kind of lean to build muscle, you're looking at a long time and people don't realize this because social media has a huge impact on that, the fact that they do these these shreds. And I guarantee if you're seeing someone transform to like, you know, slightly fluffier to really lean and shredded, they had muscle prior. Like 100%.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

And that I think is where people, where the sort of like unrealist, unrealistic expectation comes from, because they see someone post their, I don't know, maybe their eight-week, their 12-week shred where this person might have lost 5 kg. But for someone who already is relatively lean, doesn't have a load of body fat, but has got a lot of muscle, five kilos down can make a huge difference to what you look like. But if you are someone that is starting from the beginning and you don't have that muscle initially, it's going to take you a very, very long time to totally transform your physique. And the person that you've seen that's done it in 90 days, they've been lifting for at least five years plus. I can guarantee you that this is not their first rodeo. They are experienced and they've done this many, many times before. So when someone does expect, let's say, like a transformation that realistically is gonna take three to five years. Like, let's be honest. I know that's not sexy and I know that's not exciting, but if you really want an insane transformation, it's it's gonna take your whole life. And really for you to see incredible change, it's gonna be three to five years. And you expect that to show up in three months, even six months, and you don't see that, then you're gonna panic. You're gonna think something is wrong because this is what this girl did online. Why am I not the same? Why could I not have done that? And then you think, oh, okay, well, it's clearly this method is not working. So you then change the program, you slash the calorie, you go the calorie, you slash the one calorie. The one calorie. You slash the calories, uh, you you overtrain, you go back to that sort of like restrictive, let me do loads of cardio, let me let me just cut out all of my food and only eat chicken and broccoli. And of course, then that's not gonna work, you're gonna run yourself into the ground and you're gonna end up stuck in this loop. And it's not because you've done something wrong, it's just because you had an unrealistic expectation of how long it was gonna take you and you just didn't give it enough time because of what we see online and the unrealistic expectation around how long things can actually take.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

And then, for instance, you give up and you give up, and any muscle that you've have built, you lose, quite honestly. So you go around in this circle for the rest of your life and amen. But ultimately, you just have to realize that if you're rushing this time and you have to fall so in love with it. Like the the result is a byproduct of the journey, right? And that's what you have to remember is if you are constantly seeking a goal of just aesthetic result, you will never be fully happy because it's not even, it's not even just like I want to look a certain way, it's also like the psychological cost of looking that way. Because if we have chronic exposure to like these increased, optimized physiques, if you like, that have been edited, it can really impact like your own body's dissatisfaction and it can actually be a catalyst for body dysmorphia. And I have seen quite a few women having this illusion that they are a size of I don't know, 16, for example, and they're tiny, you know. These women are tiny, and it's it breaks my heart because I've been there, I've been in that place where I thought I was a different size, and we're female or not even female, but we're human. And yeah, there are parts of me where I do wake up and I'm like, oh, I don't really like that part today, you know? But actually, overall, I'm content with my physique. But there are we are gonna always pick parts about ourselves, I guess, that we don't particularly overly love. But but at the same time, body dissatisfaction and just picking a couple of bits is is it can be a huge difference because if we're looking at constantly comparison to someone else on social media who has been edited, then you're never gonna feel like you're satisfied with your own body, regardless of three to five years down the line.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

And I hate to admit, but I've definitely fallen into this. And I think it is something that I do struggle with on a day-to-day, and I put too much pressure on how I look and always feel like I'm not good enough. And I just think that honestly, it's something that I'm really trying to work on more, especially as I get a bit older, and especially as you sort of obviously as we as we age and we mature and we realise that other things in life are more important, but genuinely there is so much more in life that is worth your attention and your time than just thinking about how you look and take it from someone who has been there, but you can really miss a lot of life and what's in front of you and like special moments with people that you love because you're so caught up in I don't want to look like this. And life is too bloody short for that. I have to tell you, it is way too short for that. And there is so much more to training and eating well and living a healthy lifestyle than how you look. It's how you look is actually such a small part of it. It's really like how you feel, how you show up for certain scenarios, how how confident you are in your abilities, the standards you set for yourself, your ability to do hard things. And it's just, I just wish more people would realise that there is so much more to just looking a certain way, because it really is like it's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to actually living a healthy lifestyle and like trying to be the best version of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

It's wild, isn't it? Because you say that you suffer with that on a daily thing. But looking at an outsider, looking at you, going, but she's got an incredible physique. And it's wild, crazy. That's an internal thing that you suffer with and yet look at you.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Well, thanks. But it is, it's like we don't like honestly, something that I have suffered with from my entire life, still now much better now than it used to be. But I'm just like, I have too much body fat on my frame. That has been the little voice in my head that has told me that from the age of like 12. Do you think that's society?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Do you think that it's somewhere what what do you think you've been what has tarnished that or what has given you that thought process?

SPEAKER_00 15:56

I definitely think it's it is society and literally like growing up and seeing the Victoria's Secret girls. Yeah, yeah. My body is never gonna look like that, and actually I am someone that benefits from having much more muscle on my frame. But obviously, with more muscle comes sometimes, especially if you're holding a bit of body fat, like yes, looking slightly bigger, but it's it will have come from that, and I think it's definitely over time it has got a lot better, and I really do embrace my body for how I can build it now. But still, there's a little a little element of that voice being like, But wouldn't you look so much better if you just had a bit less body fat?

SPEAKER_01 16:32

It's wild, isn't it? It's actually wild when you think about it. I really would like more glutes. You know, I've always like really challenged my glutes because they just they just don't grow at the rate that the rest of my body does. Um but I guess but then I look at then I can say, but then I look and I can do single leg squats for days. And I'm like, yeah, well, you know, that's pretty cool. And so we have to try and pick up, I think, performance goals. Like you have to have performance goals. If you don't have those, then like you're and you're only basing your your your your wins on aesthetics, you're not you're not winning. You're not winning.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Yeah, and I think that's exactly back to the point where I I said there's so much more to it than just how you look. And actually, yeah, look at what your body is capable of in the gym. Like, that's bloody cool. Like, we are so strong. The fact that we can do pull-ups for days, push-ups for days, squat our body weight plus, like our body weight and a half, deadlifts, body weight and a half, like all of these things. I would say, like, what I love for all of my girls to aspire to as strength goals is to be able to do a pull-up, to be able to do a push-up, to be able to squat at least your body weight, and to be able to deadlift at least 1.5 times your body weight as a starter. Like, that's a great thing to work towards because if you can do that, you're bloody strong. Yeah, all right. Strength, I think confidence. What what I've realized actually is like confidence also really doesn't come from how you look, it comes from what you're capable of. Yeah. We've kind of gone on a bit of a tangent. I know. Should we do the mindset, protecting your mindset?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

So I think we need to obviously remind ourselves that we need to protect our mindset whilst we're still chasing goals. Because I think we need to obviously not abandon our ambition of getting stronger, of getting fitter. And I don't think there's anything wrong as well, that being said, with chasing a goal that's aesthetic. Like we do have that element, but I think we need to separate the inspiration from collaboration. And so if you've been inspired by people that are maybe more bodybuilding, elite physiques, or even people that are, you know, victorious secret models that literally live that that's their lifestyle constantly, like they have to be a certain size. You need to ask yourself potentially, you know, what is their job? Like our job is in fitness. Um, you know, how many years has that person trained, for example? Are they in peak condition? Because even just looking at people that are incredibly shredded, you will see that they are shredded for such a short amount of time of the year. Um, and that I think can stabilize the perception a little bit because we realise that actually, if that person is only shredded for one month of the whole year, you realise that the rest of the year that they aren't and they're maybe holding a lot more body fat than you realise because staying in a low body fat consistently is not actually, it's not beneficial for females. We cannot ride in a really low body fat percentage anyway. You know, naturally, we aren't meant to hold a bit more body fat.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Yeah, and I think especially with these physique competitors, they will do so much within that sort of two-month period when where maybe they're there at their leanest. They'll do, they'll shoot, batch load a load of their content, photo shoots, obviously step on stage. They will rinse that for what it's worth. So they can then post that content for the rest of the year. And they actually might not be showing what they look like in the off season. And you're then comparing such an unrealistic, unhealthy body, essentially, to what should be your normal. And that should absolutely not be, that should not be your normal. And I think it's totally okay to take inspiration, as Emily said, like be inspired by these physiques, but don't think like this is what I need to look like. Because also we need to be really aware that genetics plays a massive role. And a lot of these people that you see online are you would consider them to have an elite physique or like the the physiques that you look up to. I'm I'm gonna be brutally honest: 80 to 90 percent of that is genetics with 20 to 10 to 20% of hard work because like genetics plays a massive role, and someone who is genetically blessed with an amazing body is naturally probably going to go into this kind of work and use their body as as something that they do within their career for their livelihood, as absolutely why shouldn't they? Of course they should. So that's something that I think is really important to remember as well. And we can't change our our genetics. All we can do is focus on what we can do. So instead of thinking, oh, I don't look like her and just like letting that take up all your energy, think, okay, what can I do to actually enhance my body? Because that is a never-ending spectrum of I can continue to enhance my body for the rest of my life, I can get stronger, I can uh I can improve my how much muscle is on my frame, I can focus on my fitness, I can focus on consistency or my performance, I can track this data which will overcounter the sort of emotional distortion that you're experiencing by just looking at people online, because our brains want evidence, and that is a form of evidence of you comparing yourself against yourself and doing better than you did the week before.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I also think it's really important for people to actually not follow certain people because if you find that your mood is dropping after scrolling, like you don't need to follow these people, just unfollow them. Create an Environment that feels good for you, like let it be an inspiring one, not one that makes you triggered or set you off. You know, I'm a big believer in if someone isn't aiding to your life or protecting your peace to remove them from it. And that goes from social media. And also, even if it's just that you met that person once before, fuck that shit. Like, if they aren't, if they aren't floating your boat, get rid.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

No, I think that's so I think that's such an important message. And actually, we can really control our algorithm now on social media. You can actively choose what you want to follow, what you you can ask the algorithm what you want to be shown. So if something is not serving you, it's in your control to remove it from your social media sphere.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

You remember, remember something important. Social media will only show you moments, right? You're building years and you're protecting your mind. You can protect the food that you consume. No, forget that.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

You can protect the food that you consume. Close it up, Tash. Protect it in glass tupperware. Don't use it, is it? But we really it is so important for us to to protect ourselves when it comes to this. And we can, as I said, control that. We can control the algorithm and remember what you see online is someone else's best. And you're always going to only be comparing you at your worst to someone else at their best. So remember that. Focus on you. The only person that you should be comparing yourself to is yourself because you are beautifully unique. And hopefully this episode's given you a bit of a bit of clarity into the the comparison trap. And comparison is a thief of joy. Hopefully, this has made you feel a bit better. And we appreciate you for listening. Please subscribe to the podcast if you enjoy it. And please share it with your friends. And we will see you in the next episode. Thanks, guys.