#35 Your Mindset is Your Limiting Factor, and Here is How to Fix It

Ever wonder why "you know what to do but you jut can't seem to do it?"

You have probably spent too much time focussing on the what, and not enough time thinking about the how

In this weeks episode we break down the common mindset beliefs, limiting factors, and how to overcome them.

We hope you enjoy this episode, don't forget to like, subscribe and make sure you share this episode with someone who needs to hear it! We appreciate your support <3

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Tash @tashalankestercoaching

Em @emdiamondcoaching

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Oh yeah, recording. Sorry. Hey guys, welcome back to Mindset Meets Muscle. And today's episode is a big one because we're diving into the mindset blocks that could be quietly holding you back. And it's the things that could stop you from becoming the person that you know you could be. So this is the thing. Most people aren't lacking in potential. They're not lazy. They're not incapable. But what holds them back isn't talent or opportunity. It's actually the way that they think and the beliefs that they've adapted, maybe the stories that they tell themselves. And that could be ultimately what is stopping you from reaching your goals.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

And what makes these mindset roadblocks tricky is that most people don't even realize that they have them. They feel normal because it's it's your normal pattern of thinking. They feel like facts, but really it's it's these patterns of thinking that are keeping you stuck. And a lot of the times it's things that we might have actually even developed during childhood. So we don't even notice that our thought, our thought patterns are what is holding us back. We don't realize that they're negative. So today we want to break down the biggest ones because it's one of those things that once you're aware, you can then make change and you can then work to undo some of these patterns, but you don't know them. You don't know that they're that they're holding you back if you're not aware of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

So So the first thing, the first thing, the first one that I want to touch base on is a biggie. And you'll probably know this one's coming, but it's waiting until you feel ready. Because one of the biggest traps and the biggest mindset traps that people do is waiting till they feel ready. When people say, I'll start when I feel more confident, or I'll start on a Monday, or I'll start when I'm not nervous anymore. And the truth is, you'll never be ready. To put it bluntly, you will never feel fully ready for something new. Growth happens in uncertainty. So if you're waiting for that fear to disappear, you'll be waiting for fucking ever. Action creates readiness. And so we need to get that ball rolling, that circle flowing. It's not the other way around.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

No, I or I sometimes, like not sometimes. I've had recently a couple of clients that I've got on calls with before starting coaching. One girl who started in December. She she's phenomenal. She's done so well. She she started when she had three weeks of travel where she had like three different weddings pre-Christmas. Obviously, like she's the absolute prime example of someone who maybe wouldn't have been ready to start because of her time commitments. And I say ready in quotation marks, but she started in spite of having all those things. And actually, she said to me, she said, I want to start now when it feels so hard, so that everything else feels easier. And of course, she's done so incredibly well, and she's done phenomenally because she started in that period where it was most challenging. And I've had recently a call with a girl who was sort of wanting to like have felt ready to start. She was like, Oh, when can I sign up? And then when it came to actually taking action, she was thinking, she was saying, Oh, I've got this holiday coming up in a few weeks' time, I've got this. And then she was starting to backtrack and backtrack all of like she put a load of excuses in place for herself. Not because she maybe like couldn't be bothered, but because probably it was these, these thoughts that she had adopted, these mindset blocks that were holding her back. And actually, when it came to the period of taking action, then came that that element of discomfort and what if I can't do this? Like, I'm not ready. So she feeds into those excuses that her mind tells her that's gonna hold her back. And of course, that is gonna hold you back, and unless you address those, and unless you actually see those as what they are, roadblocks that are just gonna hold you back. But you can overcome them, they don't have to stop you. You're always gonna be stopped by them. And the starting point is not like, oh, I'm confident, I feel ready, I'm ready to go. No, you build, you build that confidence by doing, by trying, by showing up and failing and actually kind of getting it wrong along the way and learning from that. And that that is that's how that's how we get it done ultimately.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

I think that goes into like the quick fix element as well, doesn't it? Is people that see that I guess they do a, they want to do something, they want to do as fast as possible. So they want a clear running. I don't know about you, but I know no adult or client or anyone for that matter who has a free, you know, seven, eight, nine, ten months ahead of them. Life is going to throw life is gonna throw curveballs and things are gonna happen and we just have to adapt. And if we are constantly searching for that time where it's absolutely free running and you have nothing planned and you've got no holidays, you're gonna be waiting forever. You're literally gonna be 90 at your deathbed waiting for that perfect time. It's not coming. It literally is not coming. And you know, if I look at my clients, like they go away, they have kids, they have jobs, they juggle. You've got to learn how to manage those times when you are busy, because if you only wait for the clear runnings, you won't be able to focus on managing it when you are busy because you've never tried.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Actually, you won't see the results because, as you said, like no one's got a no one's got a free seven, eight, nine months. No one actually has a free seven, eight, nine weeks. Honestly, our life is more chaotic than it is not. And if we do not learn how to progress within the chaos, you just won't see progress because you need the two need to be intertwined. Of course, we're not gonna be turning the dial up 100% when life is absolutely chaotic, but we can still move forward. And actually, that is, I think, what where coaching is so integral. And like that's actually the main goal of coaching is how can we still move forward towards our goals when we are on holiday, when the kids are off school, when we have to work half hour days? Like, how are we still able to move forward within that? And when we can do that, that's actually that is what is most important because actually doing it when it everything aligns is easy.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Do you think it's because people see it as a quick fix? So like ultimately they get in, get out, and that their life will be sorted as soon as you know they have that sweet couple of weeks where it's really, really easy. And it doesn't just work like that. Like we know that when it comes to even like building a business or, you know, uh going on a new venture in your own life to like personal growth as well, and fitness growth and all of that intertwined, it's not going to be a few weeks. You've got to stop thinking that it's going to be a few weeks and that you have accomplished everything. This is a journey of life, and it's just the starting point by you doing something and saying, let's fucking go, that's just the starting point of your journey.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yeah. A lot of people do look at it as that quick fix. And I think you're almost putting more unnecessary pressure on yourself when you're looking at it like that. Because I think the more that you look at it as, okay, there's never gonna be a perfect time, but this is my new life, and I'm creating a new life, I'm not in a rush. And actually, I can do it on my own timeline. I can make it fit within my life, and it doesn't matter how long it takes, because ultimately the most important thing is the process and the result that I get at the end of it. And I think, yeah, people are kind of looking at it the wrong way. They're looking at like, oh, I need this string of eight weeks, but actually you're shooting yourself in the foot because that's never gonna come. And the longer you wait, the longer you wait. Like you just, you're just putting off getting the result that you really, really want. And time is our most precious asset. So, like, why the hell not make the most of it and become that best version of you or like embark on that journey when you've got more time.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

I just want to put one thing out there as well. I I'm gonna say this, but the people that wait don't get results. And I know that sounds really bitter and like kind of like not bitter, that's not the right word, but kind of blunt. But it is true because if you constantly are waiting for that perfect time of not feeling ready, you just simply won't get there ever. Because you might have six weeks, right? Where you've got, you know, the kids are back at school and you've got a perfect time where time frame where you can really knuckle down, but you want to be implementing that outside of the six weeks as well. Do you know what I'm saying? So after the six weeks have ended, for example, that you've had is a clear running, if you can't introduce that outside of those weeks and have those approaches, and yeah, the dial might not be fully up, but it's not all in or all out. You have to learn to adapt.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah. Literally, if you're waiting for the perfect time, you'll you're waiting forever, like you will never see the results. It's as simple as that. And it is, it's not a feeling of being ready is not a feeling it's a decision. And you're like, it's not something that we have to wait for. It's a mindset block that is holding you back. So don't wait till you feel ready. Jump in before before you feel ready. And being ready, as we said, like it's a decision, it will come. Another huge roadblock is fear of judgment, fear of what other people are going to think of you embarking on this journey. Honestly, this is a really, really big one. And I think people absolutely limit themselves because they're scared of what other people are going to think. They're scared of looking silly, being judged. And a lot of the times, even when it comes to sort of fear of failure, we're not scared for our own fear of failure. We're scared that other people are going to see us fail. And that really, really holds us back. The reality here is that no one actually cares. Everyone is too focused on their own lives to care that much about you and what you're doing. And the people that will judge you, or maybe the ones that do pass judgment on you, it's not because they care about you or what you're doing. It's because you are shining up a mirror to them of to what they are not doing, and you're making them feel uncomfortable because they're not taking action. So do not let someone else's, someone else who's operating from a place of I care about me and I want to feel good. So I want you to not do the thing that's going to progress you. Do not let that be the thing that holds you back. Absolutely not, because they are living for them and they're judging you for them. So make sure that you do the thing that you want to do and do not live your life for anyone else because they're not living their life for you.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Here's the truth: like, people are gonna judge you in life regardless. You can show up and get the results, or you cannot show up and get the results. I guarantee someone on the way will have a judgment. Doesn't matter what what what outcome you decide you choose, they will judge at some point because people are judging beings, right? And so you can't let your happiness be dictated by someone else. It is your life. It's yours. You are in control, you are the driver of where you decide to go. And whether you decide to grow or stay still, someone will still have an opinion. So you might as well fucking grow and shine the light back in their face.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

A hundred percent. Absolutely. I think that is it's so important. And honestly, we say this a lot to our clients, especially because I do think that with clients, this is what the one that probably comes up the most is the fear of being judged. But actually, imagine what you can do for someone else. Imagine how you can actually inspire someone else if you take action to prioritize your own health. We never know who's watching. People are always looking up to us, no matter who we are. So you taking action might be the catalyst that encourages someone else to change their whole entire life. And I think flipping it from I'm fearful of being judged, I'm fearful of people seeing me fail, to imagine the lives that I can change if I if I embark on this journey is a really, really important mindset frame here.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Yeah, and it's empowering that way. And also not just other people's lives, but your own. Like you can change your life. You decide. Fuck anyone else that stands in your way. Fuck a judgment of of someone that doesn't really matter. Remove those people from your life. Another topic that I really want to touch face on is perfection, perfectionism. Because I guess, in essence, perfectionism sounds a little bit positive, but it can be absolutely paralyzing because people tell themselves, I just have high standards, or, you know, I'm I'm gonna make sure everything's ticked off every single day. And perfectionism can be destroying to certain people because they can fear failure, maybe, or they can fear being criticized or not being good enough. But actually, that's kind of where we make mistakes along the way and we fall and we get back up. And that is the journey of how we grow. And if we fear perfectionism, again, that delays progress because it makes you wait and it makes you sort of like hesitate on your journey and you second guess certain things before taking action. But ultimately, if we learn that failure is actually part of the process and that embarks a learning curve, I guess. We learn from it. And it's actually not failure, they're just learning, learning dips along the way of your journey.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

I think it's really important to be comfortable with things not going right and not going to plan. Because I mean, what's that phrase? Like if you want if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan, right? Nothing is ever gonna go to plan and perfectionism does not exist. The irony is perfectionism doesn't actually lead to perfection. It leads to procrastination and yeah, growth and progress and the results that you actually want come from doing, learning the path, veering in a direction that you don't want it to go, taking the scenic route, coming back, proving, and going again. Not from waiting until something is flawless because that is just never, that's never gonna happen. And I think too much of us are stuck in this all-or-nothing mindset, and we kind of see it as a bit of a flex. It's like, I just, if I can't get it right, if I can't be perfect, then I'm just not gonna do it at all. That's not a flex. That is you just procrastinating and staying stuck in that fixed mindset that things need to be perfect because life is not perfect, perfection doesn't even exist. So this next one is one of the ones that's probably the most damaging, and that is negative self-talk. The way that you speak to yourself matters more than most people realize. And if you're constantly telling yourself you're behind, you're not good enough, you're designed to fail, that is what you start believing. This is bullying, right? This is self-bullying. And our brains listen to the internal dialogue. It listens to the inner voice. And if that is constantly critical, that is gonna shape the way that we behave. It's gonna shape our decisions, it's gonna shape our identity, and that is going to hold us back. We need to be coming from a place of self-compassion as opposed to a place of self-bullying, because that is just imagine, imagine having someone beside you just bullying you constantly, each and every day, every single day. You can't escape. That is bloody exhausting, and you are going to be a shell of yourself. And that's honestly the irony, not the irony, the reality is that's the way most of us speak to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

At the end of the day, you are what you tell yourself constantly. And if you constantly tell your shit and you can't do it and you're not good enough, or you know, why can't I just do this? You will believe it. Absolutely believe it. And you will embody that person. And it's like we talk about like you have to show up as the person that you want to be. And if that person is always talking negative about yourself, you will show up as that negative person. We don't, I don't think we realize how negative we can be about ourselves and how harsh we can be. I think what's a really good way of looking at it is like, how would you talk to your friend? Your friend is suffering or she's going through something. Like, if you don't talk to your friend like that, you don't talk to yourself like that. Something needs to change if you are pulling yourself apart at constant every angle. Because we are human, we are not robots. And I say this over and over again, but I want it to digest into people's systems that we're gonna have times where you slip up. You are human. And pulling yourself apart about that proves nothing. It does nothing. It doesn't make you grow, it doesn't push you harder, it just makes you feel shit about yourself. Instead, focusing on some positive aspects of what you are doing, but if you are constantly giving yourself that negative self-talk, then it's only gonna just bring you down rather than pull you up. Okay, so we speak about this so much, and I think both me and Tash probably will get it tattooed across our foreheads soon. But comfort zones, guys, you've got to get out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones feel safe. That's why they're comfortable. But if you stay there too long, you don't progress, and you're kind of choosing that sort of safety element or the feeling of familiarity over a challenge and over growth. And every time that you avoid discomfort, you reinforce the idea that you can't handle more, which in turn really shrinks your confidence. We need to push ourselves out of that area because that in turn will push us into an area of confidence, but it will also push us into an area of showing up for ourselves, being the best version of ourselves. And that sort of snowball effect and that circle begins to flourish, and you realize that you can push forward for personal growth because you are the person I've lost my brain.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Growth really requires stretching. And it doesn't mean sort of throwing yourself into chaos, right? It means just taking intentional little baby steps outside of that comfort zone and sort of edging that comfort zone greater and greater. And each small step that you take can expand your capacity and it can you adapt to that, right? So it doesn't need to be huge steps, but like these little baby steps are going to help you get out of that comfort zone. And I something that I see often with clients is the element of slight self-sabotage when they're on the edge of a real transformation. They are in a body that they have not been in before because they have, they've not sat at this body weight before, they've not sat at this composition before. And we start to see behaviors trickle back in, like, oh, I've worked so hard, like I can have this kind of like overeating, or I can have that extra little bit of cookie. I don't need to be as diligent with tracking my calories because I've worked so hard. This is your brain's way of kind of trying to pull you back to your comfort zone because you're in a body that is unfamiliar with you at this point in time. So you need to be aware that actually when you are on the precipice of real transformation, these self-sabotaging behaviors might creep back in. And that's where a lot of people kind of stay stuck because they reward themselves for all the hard work that they've done by engaging in these old behaviors from their comfort zones to keep them there. So that is really a mindset block that I think if you have the self-awareness, you are able to push past and continue to tell yourself, like, no, I am comfortable with this new version of me. This is who I want to be. This is who I'm gonna continue to show up as. And as we always say, like, identify as that, become comfortable with that version of you, like show up as her before you even are that. Visualize how you want to look, how you want to feel. That's going to help your brain and your body become comfortable with that new version of you because ultimately our bodies are designed to stay in our comfort zones because that's what's safe and that's what equals survival for us. But obviously, we know that that's not the case. It's just the way that our bodies and brains are wired.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

It's really interesting with the self-sabotage aspect of people doing it in a deficit or they've come out and they've lost quite a tremendous amount of weight. And I think it's really common, and that's, you know, kind of why people that are maybe holding more fat mass than they desire go back to where they were and they go in this circle because again, it's like it feels familiar. And you've got to remember that person prior didn't serve you and it wasn't the person that you wanted to be. So you constantly have to remind yourself that in order to maintain the where the position that you are at, you have to adapt the behaviors that you did to get there. And they have to be in your life 24-7 and not 24-7, but for the habits and the lifestyle choices that you made, they don't just ride in a deficit, you know. And I think that's something that also why I always speak about the the most important diet is the diet after the diet, because this is where people can go backwards because they think that they just go back to their habits prior. And realistically, if you want change and you want to get better, like let's strive, let's push past just being average or push past that, let's get pushed every single fucking year. You want to see that 1% or every single day, that 1% more. You have to embody the habits of the person that got you there in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Yeah, I had a call with my client last week, and she is kind of in this place right now. And she was, she said to me, she was like, it was just just after Easter, she said she just thought to herself, she's like, Oh, I just want to be able to eat that Easter egg. I just want to be able to be in a place where I'm able to do that. And I said to her, I was like, I've got news for you, babes, but unfortunately, anyone that you look up to that works on their physique, that looks phenomenal, that holds themselves to a higher standard, doesn't matter where they are in their life, like they're not eating that whole Easter egg. That that doesn't happen because if you if you want to eat the whole Easter egg, you've got to be okay with the fact that you're probably gonna gain fat mass from that. And that behavior is not conducive of someone that really is trying to build the body of their dreams ever. And I think it's this is important that we need to, we as we say this all the time, like really think of this as our lifestyle. And there are just some things that the old version of us did that feels comfortable, that we feel like we want to go back to. But we have to leave that in the past because if we really want this new version of ourselves, those old behaviors. They don't they no longer serve us and they never will serve us ever again. So, a final block that we want to go over is the comparison trap. Because comparison really is a confidence killer. It's a progress killer. We look at someone else's progress, we look at their highlight reel of success, and suddenly we feel so behind and we feel inferior. And this can impact our behavior. This can impact how we then move forward with our own journeys. And comparison completely ignores context, right? It ignores your journey, ignores your starting point, your obstacles, your timing. Everyone's path is so different. And you're comparing probably your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20, and that makes you feel inferior. Of course, you're not going to be in the same place. And something that I really love to think of when I, when I find myself stuck in comparison, because it happens to all of us, is okay, look at that person's, say they've got the most incredible physique. And I would, I would love to have their physique. But would I like to have their entire life? Would I like to have their job? Would I like to have their family? Would I like to have their upbringing? Would I like every single aspect of their existence? Because that is what it takes to have that look. Because our bodies are made up of our our life, are a byproduct of how we've lived our entire lives, our habits, our behaviors day to day. If you don't want to take that whole person, that person's whole life, you can't have their body as simple as that. And I think that's a really, really good way to reframe it because it kind of brings you out of that. Actually, no, like I'm really happy with my own life. And a lot of times we wouldn't want to trade that for anything. But then we have to think, okay, but then I need to be happy with my own journey and just make sure I'm only comparing to me and I'm doing what I can to better me.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Exactly. And I think we also have to remember, like, people show you what they want you to see. Like you aren't seeing the rest of someone else's life and the w rest of, you know, what's going on in their home or behind closed doors or how much they work. And I think it's really funny because people are like, oh my God, you, you know, you're an online coach. That's so cool. And I'm like, yeah, love it. Love my job. Like, I get thrills from my job. I see people transform not only physically and strength-wise, but also in that mental aspect. I work fucking hard. Like I work long days. Before I came on this podcast with Tash today, I told her that I worked from six till nine yesterday. And that's kind of like a daily occurrence for me at the moment. But not that that's a bad thing. I'm happy that I'm in that position. But it's not all glitz and glamour, right? And so you have to remember that there are times where people are getting up at very fucking early o'clock to get to the gym and to push themselves. They're putting in that work, which is clearly giving them results, but they have other stresses going on in their day as well. And you have other stresses going on in your day. Your day might look hectic. It might look like you working from six till nine, and you've got five kids running around. And, you know, you can't be on the stairmaster for an hour or a pop and hit the gym for, you know, two hours a pop. And that's okay. Because if we constantly think, oh, well, I wish I was in their situation, you don't know what also is going on in their life. And your journey is at a different place in someone else's, you know, everyone has a different path. And if we look at someone else's chapter 20, you might be on your chapter two. So ultimately, if we constantly compare ourselves to someone else's, it will just steal the joy and blind you off of the progress that you are making. Maybe you didn't used to go to the gym and now you are, and now you're showing up. Isn't that something to be proud about, opposed to just pulling yourself down?

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Yeah, it's so true. And I think, like you said there, everyone will look at the glitz and glam because that's what other people uh share about their own life. It's the glitz and the glam. But yeah, maybe on the surface, like what we do, online coaching looks really glamorous. But I am having to think now about how am I going to basically essentially restructure my entire business for the time where I want to have a baby and how am I going to change everything so I'm able to still get income. But I I can't really essentially work as as I do now because yeah, we worked long days, our our our brains are always thinking about work. But I'm basically gonna have to think about that and build something completely new. Whereas if I was working in nine to five, I could just take nine months off and not even have to worry about it and still get paid. But actually, yeah, we only just we only just share the glitz and glam. So I think it's really important to remember that everyone has their struggles, everyone is going through something, and everyone probably wants a little a little sprinkle of what someone else has, but you probably wouldn't take the whole cake.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Final thoughts. So maybe if you recognize any of yourself in these roadblocks, I really want you to not feel bad. It's actually a good thing because it's bringing an awareness, and awareness is the first step to changing potentially the journey that you're going on and the mindset that you're currently in. And you can't shift what you don't acknowledge. So acknowledgement is the first step in the right direction.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Exactly. And personal growth isn't about being perfect. As we said, perfection literally doesn't exist. It will get you nowhere. It's about being aware, adjusting, and just continuing to move forward no matter what. Every mindset block that you break opens the door to more confidence, more clarity, and more potential, more growth.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Thank you so much, guys, for listening to this episode of Mindset Meets Muscle. We hope to hear, we hope to see you next episode.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

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