#12. witnessing london through love

a collection of ramblings from a week-long visit in London

repeating traveling mistakes, clubbing to techno alone, seeing everything from love, overwhelmed by the concept of purpose at a bus stop, feeling close to the Divine through every experience

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Um, I missed my flight. And it was definitely my fault. I'm flying to London and um I just missed out on some really simple details. And I do this, I do this a lot. Like I remember I I booked an entire flight to California, and they were the completely wrong dates, and I had to pay more on top of that. So something similar just happened where I did not double check on what I needed to do before getting to the airport. I didn't download the app. I just made really stupid mistakes, didn't even look into what I needed to um fill out immigration-wise to get into the UK. I just didn't. And I also understand that while this is frustrating, I think this is so inherently part of my journey to learn. Like I need to make these stupid mistakes because I have the desire to move fluidly and with ease throughout the world. So I think this was inevitable, and I almost felt like this was going to happen, but I just like really didn't think about it. I was just negligent. And maybe I needed to experience my negligence to understand that it has consequences. My avoidance. So I um have been sitting at the airport for seven hours, and honestly, maybe this was a blessing so that I could look at my finances, re-budget, and sort of work things around so that I can experience this next trip with ease. I'm not flying out until 10 p.m. And um, yeah, it's such a pain in the ass. And it is okay. Uh, this is like some serious Saturn return in my ninth house type of shit. It's really annoying. And for those of you who may not know what a Saturn return is, it is the time in which Saturn enters back where your Saturn was when you were born, and it returns every 29 years. And astrologically, it's this period of time where you will receive a lot of uh challenges in that particular house where your Saturn is, and um it's all to support your growth, it's all support there to support your mastery in that particular area. And for me, it is in my ninth house, no surprise, which is the house of travel, foreign lands, higher learning, spiritual beliefs. And um, yeah, I think these things are like these challenges feel a little bit minuscule right now, but I I keep making them. I missed a flight to Guatemala last time. Saturn was in Aries last year, and it was because I was just at the wrong gate, and I have this tendency just to look over the details. I do that so much. I love to frustrate myself. And um, yeah, I I think it's just this sort of repeating event is just showing me over and over again. Like I need to just double down and look at all the details, and honestly, I'm really glad that this happened because next time I'm traveling into another country, I'm just going to check the immigration requirements as well as you know what exactly does this airline need me to do, you know, those two items. And then from the last time, you know, double check my gate. It's like such stupidly simple things. And that's why I'm a little bit hard on my self-word because I'm just like, these are like such like dumb mistakes, but I am going to lean into being more forgiving because I know that this is supporting my highest good. I know that like with my intention to master the art of traveling, of moving through the world, of collecting different ideas and experiences, I um I I need to, you know, form a solid structure that I can commit to. So I I feel that when I zoom out, I I know that I am just learning from these mistakes, so that I won't make them again. But it's so annoying to be a part of it, you know, like it's so annoying to be in it. Um, but in a way, I mean I'm also kind of glad, you know. I I was supposed to board at 3, and now I'm boarding at 10, and this like seven-hour window has given me some time to move around my finances, understand exactly how I'm going to um experience this next week while keeping things quite open. Yeah, we'll see what happens, but I am glad that I got this downtime. Because I'm also learning that, you know, when I go to Spain, like no one wants me to work, and I totally respect that, and I love that, but so now I'm just I've been like double downing on my laptop here. Okay. I am in the Kensington Gardens right now. I'm sitting in front of a waterfall, and I am people watching. Today it's really gray. And honestly, I'm going a little bit stir crazy in London. I think this weather is making me feel a little bit depressed, and I always tell myself when I get super comfortable in a place, then maybe it's time to leave. But I think that I just wanna follow places where my body wants to live in. So I am making plans to travel to Viza. So I'm going back to Spain again. I've had a beautiful time here. You know, I've been here for I mean, I will be here for almost a week. And I've met some really beautiful angels that remind me that I'm so supported. And I think it's because like I am just loving my own vibe. I love to be alone so much. I think that being alone has reminded me that I'm actually never alone. Like I really vibe with my energy so much that it's it's fascinating. When I vibe with my own energy so much people want to be a part of it, and I just feel so grateful to experience that. I went clubbing the other night alone, which I don't recommend doing unless you have a really solid plan. The club that I went to was close to where I was staying, so I felt uh safe enough to go there. Also, the area I was in felt safe to navigate. Uh but yeah, don't recommend unless you have a plan. Uh but I went out and I met so many kind souls just for simply enjoying my time. My intention was to dance and to listen to the music, not to meet people or get laid or do anything that fell outside of myself. I just wanted to experience my body and experience it being influenced by sound. So what I ended up doing was just having a really awesome social time. And I am seeing that if I am just operating from a place of love, then the universe responds in the same way. Even whenever I'm having a more challenging moment, you know, like losing one of my mics this week was, you know, not what I wanted or what I intended on, but I think that it encouraged me to practice a space of forgiveness towards myself and and slowness as well. Yeah, I think that with every challenge, I don't want to be hardened from that. Like I really just want to continue seeing everything from love. And when I do things are so beautiful. I feel so in love with everything around me. It's like overwhelming. It's it's like I'm just grateful all the time. Oh, I'm witnessing this couple taking a picture of themselves and kissing. Oh, that's so beautiful. Oh, they love each other so much. Oh, and there's so many beautiful birds surround me. What the hell is this place? Like this reality. I mean, I'm just like so blessed all the time. And I feel so emotional because it's so beautiful. Like, I'm not even like it's so simply beautiful, everything. I leave for a pizza in three days. Hey, what's up? I am walking to the bus right now, and I am going to go stay with my friend Jessie and we're flying to Ibiza together. We're flying to Ibiza. For me, I'm flying to Ibiza because I'm just cold and I don't want to be cold anymore. And I I feel this urgency almost to like get out in a way. Like I also want to take my time in experiencing London and working a little bit, but I'm kind of seeing that I don't know if I enjoy being on the move all the time, but I also do at the same time. I think that maybe that's just the nature of experiencing is this duality of misery and joy that I'm sort of constantly thinking about. But I'm holding space for both. Like, I find it uncomfortable to not have a stable kitchen and rely on so many different external sources for food. I'm not a fan of that. But at the same time, I'm really enjoying food. I'm really enjoying all the food here too. My friend and I, we were talking about the sort of inevitability of purpose. And that suffering is going to happen either way. Whether you choose your purpose or ignore your purpose, it's going to come to you. And that we're inevitably going to feel some kind of limitation with the consequences that we've created for ourselves in finding our purposes and also ignoring it. Where am I going? I am going to uh Piccadilly Circus Boarding Temple soon. And my bus is delayed. But this all came about, this conversation all came about from me feeling like a lack of purposelessness. It's almost like I feel like in I'm in this liminal space, and I know I've been talking about liminal spaces for months and months, and maybe I'm just gonna accept that I'm in this endless liminal space, and maybe that is the reality of things, is that we're constantly experiencing a level of impermanence, and that any sense of stability is an illusion. Not necessarily bad. I mean we're all kind of living our own illusions in a way. We all have our own interpretation of what reality is by living in our own realities. But if I just sort of embrace the impermanence of everything, then I think that purpose will come in time. I'm at this point where I feel a little bit overwhelmed with the possibility of purpose. Like I I see so many mediums where I can express myself and I can express my everything. I love the healing body arts and I love using my voice, and I also love painting, and I love all of these different things, and maybe these aren't even purposes, these are just peripheral expressions of my true purpose, which is to simply experience the love that I have for everything. I think that I feel so blessed to feel this access to love. I feel so close to the divine herself every single time I see something that I admire. And then I get to let that influence me and let it inspire me, and and I I all I have to do is just experience that expression as well. Continually witnessing things. Oh my gosh, the sun is so bright, so beautiful. Everybody's on a bike. I think people really enjoy the sunshine here. I see more people smiling when the sun is out. It's really nice. And along the duality of things, I feel myself getting a bit, you know, comfortable. I feel like I I am enjoying or not comfortable, my god, I've only been here for a week, but like I do enjoy getting to know the bus system and I like to know the different neighborhoods around here. I like to create a sense of like a relationship with the world around me, and then at the same time, I like really want to get out. I really want to get out, and I think um I'm just gonna listen to that. The desire of wanting to get out. It's more of a cerebral desire, honestly. Is that my bus? No, I don't think that's my bus. It's delayed. Today I saw the um um. Oh my gosh, what museum did I see? I for I did forget because I just wandered into this museum, but it's called the Victoria and Albert Museum. I forgot, but I saw a museum and I saw all of these different arts from Southeast Asia, from England, from the 17th and 18th century, different statues and sculptures and architecture, even like some sort of abstract glassware. And it was quite beautiful, and I found myself just roaming around. I found myself roaming around in comparison to the past where I would like go in with such diligence, like I've gotta read everything, I gotta know everything, and I really don't feel that pressure anymore. I think I'm just gonna let my interests guide me where they guide me. I grew up, you know, thinking that I have to have a lot of things, I that I have to know a lot of things, and I still feel that pressure nowadays, especially when I'm just I'm surrounded by so many beautiful, smart people. And that know so much, and instead I just want to see them as like this avenue of intelligence. I just want to learn from everybody. I love not knowing anything, I love it. I just feel like a newborn baby. Like I'm just absorbing everything around me all the time. So how blessed I am to just experience people telling me about what they're passionate about. You know, like everybody's a universe. Wow, the sun feels so good on my skin. I don't know if you hear those birds. The birds sound so pretty here, and I don't know if it's because of the way they're singing resonates. I don't know if it's because of the architecture of the place, like with how the sound bounces off walls, but they sound particularly loud, and I'm surprised because of how loud traffic is at the same time. Yeah, the birds sound beautiful. Wow, I just noticed this architecture detail. It has faces. Faces of what looks like a god along the ceiling. I'm gonna take a picture of that. It is my last day in London. Justin is in Sadhana. I am in the cafe right now drinking coffee and checking emails, and I am understanding that I feel like my relationship with the divine just becomes more. Complex and mysterious and deepening. I feel that I have this strong faith in whatever is going to unfold. Even in anything that feels uncomfortable, painful, I feel that. You know, all of it is in the divine play. It's it's all here to support our highest good, whatever happens. I feel like it feels so strong. And that I I don't have any expectations too. I have no expectations. And that's why I feel like I can just give, because I'm constantly receiving from the divine. I'm constantly receiving everything that she has to offer me. This moment where I'm just sitting in a cafe, people watching, on a busy street in Camden, London, surrounded by all this beautiful art. Nothing could get more perfect than this moment here. I don't need to be anywhere else. And when I just notice that moment, I think that it's so easy to practice gratitude and love for right now. Like we're constantly experiencing an abundance of love when we just open our hearts to it. I realize I didn't provide any journal prompts during this entry. So if you would like to practice a moment of introspection, I invite you to ask yourself what you are receiving. What have you been receiving and can you receive that with an open heart?

unknown 24:08

Can we find one way to give it and give money by the other thing?

SPEAKER_00 24:12

And where are you giving from? I have this idea that you know we're all we're these open channels. We're constantly receiving and giving, receiving information, receiving whatever we put in our bodies. And from that we express that really does like things can, I guess depending on how receptive one is, you um are giving from uh these places that you immerse yourself in. And for me, I'm I'm constantly receiving all of these this this love. Um I feel like there's this endless amount of love everywhere around me. I keep talking about love, you know, but I mean it's like I think it's the answer to everything. Every single time I find myself in conflict or feeling my ego or feeling like I'm despair or loneliness or fear. I can choose love and and then it all makes sense, you know? Like when I just choose to love whatever is happening, choose to love the person who may be uh giving me a hard time.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

I think that it makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Oh my god, I'm literally looking at a poster that says love all over it. So cute. Hmm. What do you love? What are you grateful for in this moment? Allow the first thing to come to your mind. Okay, I call you out tomorrow. Thanks for listening. I love you.