SPEAKER_01 0:00

Okay, I'm gonna go on a walk. And maybe run into something. Kind of wander around. And something I've been thinking about a lot lately is um how I practice managing my energy, which is my love. I can find that whatever I devote myself to is a um sharing of my love, of my attention, of my awareness. And so far in this lifetime, I've had a lot of trial and error. A lot of I've experienced a lot of spaces in which I felt I was wasting my awareness after the fact, after experiencing the space in which I want to place so much devotional energy to. And now I'm in the space and time where I'm seeing how incredibly valuable and important my awareness, my love is. Then I can know where to plant seeds. So the space and time in which I am in right now is what it tangibly looks like. And spending a lot of time with myself and doing a lot of the um responsibilities I've been tasked with to live in a different country. Um doing like a volunteering exchange. Right yoga, and for people. Um aside from that transactional sense of energy, like where do I put a lot of my aliveness into? And I don't um I don't have a lot of close friends. I don't have a lot of friends that I can keep up with. I mean, I have my family on a weekly basis, but on a daily basis, I literally don't have just like one person of my homegirl who I love so much. And there's a part of me that thinks that, oh my god, this is a really lonely experience. To have as many as friends as I used to. Or not to have a partner that I'm talking to every day. But it's really like I think that the exchange of energy that I'm in in this particular friendship is so rich. In the sense that like I get to be completely myself and then she embraces that. She tells me she loves me. She supports my dreams, she sees my vision. Yes, my best friend is like truly feels like an angel. And I don't know if she knows that, but she's an angel in the sense that I feel that our space between each other, it just feels like nourishment to me, which is why I call her every day, which is why I talk to her every day. I I feel like I can become more of myself more and more. So there's this like deepening and growing that I'm experiencing in this connection. And then aside from that, my connection with myself. So when I'm not like doing my responsibilities, when I'm not like looking around, hanging out with people, I'm I'm really like hanging out with myself a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. Seeing the world around me, asking myself, asking like introspective questions. How am I feeling? How's my body doing? Where's our heart right now? What do we want to experience in this lifetime? What do we want to experience in this moment? Where are our true desires? So then I find the time that I spend alone incredibly nourishing and good and it and it gives me energy and excitement. Especially in moments where I feel like more drained. I feel more like maybe like all of the social energy has like I've just been drained by hanging out with so many people in such. So then I do like some yoga nitta. I practice yoga by myself, and then I feel restored, and then so I'm understanding that where I'm spending all of my time and my love and my devotion, I want to spend it in spaces that nourish me. That don't drain me, that don't make me wonder who I am or what I mean or the value of me. I'm going to people in places that openly express their love to me and also see my love, my effort, and my devotion. And embrace that, acknowledge it. That is enriching to me. That is where I'm going to spend all my energy. I find effortlessly it's always nature, it's always nature. I'm in nature and then I experience the sun. It's just like such an effortless marker of my existence. You know, to see the the way that the trees are and how like beautifully chaotic uh a jungle grows, you know, that there's like no rules. There are no rules. Everybody's just like everybody's just trying their best and living and being. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Maybe that like the spaces that I find so nourishing are the ones where I I don't experience a lot of ego. There's a lot of honesty. There's so much honesty. There's just truth. And truth is wisdom to me. Truth is observant. It's not overthinking. It's not running away. It's not making it some other, I don't know, interpretation. It's it's just seeing my homegirl, my girl, my best friend, she sees me. I feel that nature and animals and children, I feel like they see me too. And then I see me. Every single time I'm expressing my art or coming back to my body. These are the places that matters to me the most. These are the places that I will continue to spend my time. And then like there are all these like new connections that come in, right? As we move through this lifetime, there are all these like new ideas along these people, people connections. And then that's where we have to be discerning about, you know, okay, like uh is this something to spend time in? Attention in. But I usually don't know that until like enough time has passed. Usually time tells. And time always tells me when to start and when to stop, when to keep going. There's some connections, you know, where you just like you know when to stop because well, for me, in my case, I feel that like I pour a lot of energy into connections that may aren't that aren't reciprocal. Or that's been my pattern in the past. That's been my pattern that I'm learning from unlearning. It's just like kind of like sketching or painting out an idea and just like you see that it's um not nourishing you. Well, actually, no, I refute that. It kind of always is. I mean like the connections that I I feel like every connection I have come across has been nourishing, but it's also like to a point, you know. Time always tells. The moment tells you when to stop begging and trying. You know, when you find yourself not respecting your own energy, when you find yourself not respecting your own awareness, your own consciousness, that's when you know when to stop. But it is a practice, my dear Krisha, yes it is. It is a practice. But I think I'm getting good at it. Yeah. Because I think about like there's a style I was pursuing for a little bit where I was like, ah, this is gonna be forever. Like me and these animals and their multiple eyes and all of these sort of things. And then I just I I knew I was exhausting it. I was digging into it, trying to find some other kind of reason until it was time for me to explore another concept, another subject, something else that lights me up. Because I found that I wasn't being emotionally engaged by it anymore. And what I've noticed a lot in my art, different connections with the world around me, I'm interested in what keeps me emotionally engaged. What keeps my energy big, my body alive, and not what shrinks me. So that's where I want to stay, that's where I want to keep going. But the thing is, is that with that style, with the the wolves and the multiple eyes and and this this valley and landscape, it's like I think like it's still raining true in a lot of my art. It's still it's still singing in different ways. Like the way I'm like playing the texture, the way I'm playing the form and all of these like aligned symbols. It's it's still resonant there. And then also maybe I'll visit that concept later because I feel like the way time works is like this spiral where we revisit things over and over again. It's loud today, the Monday. So yeah, I'm not gonna rest anything. That is how I discern my love. That is how I choose to love. To be is to love, to be is to love. Ow! Fuck. I um accidentally pricked my finger. So I think that's all I have to say. That's all I'm um meditating on today and what I'm saying. Thanks for listening. I love you.